I'm 20, my wife is 25. We are both feminine women, i'm talking nails, makeup, hair done, everything. The difference here is simply how i look. I'm 5'11 borderline 6', slender but muscular build, raspier voice, sharp and dark hair and features. My wife on the other hand is 5'4, gorgeous green eyes, beautiful long blonde hair, and painfully perfect curves. To a girl who's grown up being told i was a boy, she's the epitome of what a feminine woman looks like.

We both work in the same HEAVILY male dominated field, even having the same role just in different areas. We are required to meet specific physical standards, no issue there. Yet, i'm often expected to out perform every other woman by miles simply because of how i look? We have the same chromosomes? People often point out that i must be an absolute stud when it comes to our job, and when i perform like the women i'm talked down to? scolded even.
Coworkers assume it's easier for me for some reason.
Me being a lesbian doesn't help either for some reason, people constantly label me as the masc and will start treating me like one. Neither of us are masculine in any capacity, my wife even says herself if it's either of us (which it ISNT) that it would be her, and I try so so hard but nothing seems to convince people not to treat me like a
boy.

Don't even get me started how i'm treated personally either. I've been told my entire life I look mean, and I understand it. Like I said, dark and sharp features don't make you look approachable. Compared to my wife I know I look especially intimidating. She's got this bubbly personality and bright smile that people gravitate towards and it's my favorite thing to watch her affect on people. It's beautiful. She's funny, sweet, sensitive, and the kindest soul with a little bit of sarcasm. And she's given the space to be that way.

Myself though, i'm always gauged as a bitch or stuck up. In reality i'm just shy. I'm actually a really sensitive person and very quiet. Because of my facial features though i'm always told everyone was terrified of me when they met me. People often go straight to a teasing and....harsher(?) relationship with me. Like I see other women get the, "don't hurt her feelings", or "she's shy, she just needs a minute to adjust, but i'm always teased and joked about as means of communication? I'm not sure if i'm describing this correctly.

an example: My wife and I, along with some friends from work, went to a haunted house place recently. 4 of us total and every one of us enjoyed it. I didn't think much of it until yesterday when a super close friend of ours had told us what one of the girls who went with us said about me. I suppose she was joking around saying how "as much of a hard ass i was, i was being a baby about the haunted house" Every single one of us got scared and jumped and screamed, but because of the way people perceive me, i was called a baby. I'm not even a hard ass, i'd like to think of myself as very kind and understanding. Just because i'm taller and look a certain way doesn't mean im less of a woman.

I don't know, like i said, i'm sensitive. I know women struggle with being put in a box simply because they're women but good lord can i PLEASE be taken out of the men's section? I'm a girl. I literally just wanna cry.

I get why people don't like them because to the eye and in public it's like indecent but CMON I love getting and having hickeys on me 😭😭😭

It's literally any dating app, set your preferences to women, and be open and honest about your intentions. I PROMISE if you live in a well populated area and put somewhere on there you are there for hookups THEY WILL COME. The reason stuff like grindr works is because they're horny and open about what they want. Practice this on hinge, her, tinder etc and you'll find something. TLDR just be open and honest about your intentions.

I took myself and the amount of lovely women holding hands and on dates with each other filled my heart. Not to mention I got to wear piles of jewelry and a flowing skirt. I connect deeply to her music themes and the whole night was magical. Good Girl brought me to tears and a stranger placed her hand on my shoulder and offered me a warm smile. I could live in that moment of female solidarity forever.

Image - I Love A by Unni

Song - "All You Wanted" by Michelle Branch

I love fighting games, my dream game is a an All-Women WLW/Lesbian 3D fighting game with social sim and visual novel elements. Nearly all my favourite video game characters are fighting game women like Tekken's Anna, Lili and Asuka, MK's Mileena and Tanya, Street Fighter's Cammy and Manon, SC's Cassandra, DS's Morrigan and B.B. Hood etc.

However, I've been frustrated for decades at this point with how fighting games so often just don't respect women characters, where sexy is a requirement outside of kid characters when men can be old and ugly as possible. Women are always stuck in the same old bikinis in "Summer Skins" and never get the variety men get to have. Women can never look old or even over 30 a lot of the time, the camera focusing on their assets and have way less variety in body types (like never being fat for example) outside of the exceptions always feels like they MUST have skins that appeal to men, women can't be shy introverts who don't show skin they MUST appeal to men... And honestly there have been many times I've felt uncomfortable about the boys club nature of the online fighting game scene and how gross fighting game men fans can be about characters like Chun-Li and Mai.

What does this have to do with anything? Well recently I've been feeling a bit like a party pooper given the hype and talk about the upcoming fighting game and seeing women looking forward to it; especially other lesbians and WLW who find Cammy and Chun-Li and rumors and stuff here about the film being very horny which... I'm not looking forward to honestly because I don't want the games to be made even more horny and the women given even less respect. I feel like a buzz kill if I say anything because I don't want other lesbians and WLW to feel bad for finding Chun-Li (I feel like the only lesbian in the world who doesn't find Chun-Li sexy) and Cammy sexy or loving summer skins or the sexy outfits or looking forward to the SF movie; I certainly wouldn't like it if other women shamed me for liking Morrigan, Anna Williams or BlazBlue's Makoto. Sometimes I feel like a weirdo who on her own shouting in the wind.

Have you ever felt like you're a party pooper or worry about ruining other's women enjoyment of something?

In the UK we have had quite a few lgbt shows cancelled/not renewed and in the current climate, representation matters so much. Especially sharing stories of different experiences wether its re culture, sexuality, gender, disability and so on. Which is why in Scotland, STQ productions are looking for real stories and using real people in the community to tell these stories as part of the "Scottish Sapphics" show. Wether you can support by sharing or donating or even sharing your story (can be anonymous) so that some else feels seen and supported/hopeful then please check out our initial proof concept. Love you guys 🩷🧡

https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/p/scottish-sapphics-tv-show#

I feel like me and my girlfriend are only giving each other small kisses (idk if there’s a name for them in English but in Spanish is “piquitos” like when you just touch each other lips and then separate) or we fuck and she NEVER does the stopping on the neck or the boobs or something, we just hard kiss and then she eats me out… I’m different and do lots of foreplay when I’m topping cause I really like it… it’s my first relationship and we’ve been together for a year.. I’ve tell her like four times now that I really like foreplay and I wish sometimes we would just sexy kiss or have make out sessions, do you have any experience with this? Is it something that we can keep working on or is this kind of incompatibility just difficult?

It's not that I don't exude my own kind of confidence, I do. I'm a rock musician, I get in front of audiences. I've learned how to act confident, I've learned how to command a room's attention. I'm anything but meek or awkward; I've been called intimidating. I get lots of attention (mostly from men, mostly unwanted). But mine is a different kind of confidence. It's effortful confidence, gained hard after painfully lacking it. The confidence of these women who get to me, it seems so natural. Like they know attention just flows to them like water downhill and it's theirs to play with.

I think this thing that happens to me is specific to being a woman who loves women. Because women are both social and sexual for me--like this woman, whoever she might be: I want to be friends with her, I want to be like her, I want to kiss her and date her and go to bed with her, these feelings come all at once and for whatever reason come with a twinge of pain. It's like having a secret crush on your more popular friend in grade school--you can't confess it, much less hope it's reciprocated, and that makes you feel so alone, so pining, so invisible.

And this feeling, I don't really take it 100% seriously when it happens but it kind of gives me despair that I'll find someone. All the confidence I've built up over the years temporarily dissolves and I'm just that 14 year old with a crush on her straight friend, slumped against the window on the bus ride home, feeling like no one will ever understand.

I’m genuinely confused by something I’ve noticed since moving to Seattle. I see posts FREQUENTLY from Seattle lesbians saying they’re lonely and want friends, but actually trying to make those connections feels so difficult.

I’ve personally reached out to Seattle sapphics who seemed interested in making friends, only for things to go cold or for the conversations to go nowhere. And it’s frustrating because I really do want to build a social circle here.

I don’t have family nearby, or friends or a partner, and I want actual in-person connections with people I can hang out with, talk to, and do things with. I’m not a party or nightlife person, so I’m not looking for that kind of social scene.

What I don’t understand is why it seems like there are so many lesbians in Seattle who want friends, but so many of us still struggle to find people who actually stick around.
Obviously, not everyone is going to click, and I understand that people have their own lives and things going on. But when you reach out to someone who says they want friends and they end up getting distant, it makes you wonder what the disconnect is.

Do people get nervous when it comes to actually meeting up? Is it hard for introverts to take that next step? Do people want friends but not realize how much effort it takes to build and maintain those relationships??
I’m not expecting everyone to become best friends overnight. I just want to understand why finding people who genuinely want to connect and consistently make an effort seems so difficult when there are so many people looking for the same thing.

Has anyone else experienced this with Seattle lesbians? I’d genuinely like to hear other people’s experiences and understand why this keeps happening.

Have her take me on a date, put on my best clothes, do my hair and makeup all cute, and then just admire at her all night... <3

i’m just using this as a much needed place to vent! i’m 29, hyperfeminine and newly single.

i’ve had such a fun and enjoyable summer and have had some very enjoyable moments with beautiful women, but i feel like im going crazyyyyy 😭😭 i’ve been celibate for over a year, and i genuinely feel like i’m hornier than i’ve ever been in my entire life. like, i am HUNGRY for some physical touch, sensuality, intimacy, all of that. i want to kiss, cuddle, touch, be touched, make out with a pretty girl for hours, and just be all up in somebody’s space lmfaooooo.

the problem is that i’m demisexual, at least to some extent, and i’m realizing that makes navigating this a little more complicated than i’d like it to be. because i’ve had some AMAZING nights out kissing and mingling with the most gorgeous women, and those experiences have honestly made me want more. 😭 like, i know the attraction and desire are there, but actually getting to the point where i’m comfortable enough to be physical with someone beyond that initial flirting and kissing is a different story.

i need some level of chemistry, comfort, and genuine connection before i can really let loose, and that doesn’t always happen as quickly as the physical attraction does. it’s such a weird feeling to be this physically hungry while simultaneously knowing that i can’t just go out and hook up with anybody and expect to enjoy myself. i WANT to have fun and explore that side of myself, but i also know that i need to feel comfortable with someone to fully enjoy the experience. and sometimes building that comfort takes time, which is frustrating when all i can think about is how badly i want to be touched. 😭

truth be told ive done the hookup thing. i’ve really TRIED to be good at it but the touch and go aspect of it makes me soooo uneasy and nervous. sex is still kind of a big deal to me, so while i know every single time i have sex it isn’t going to be because i think she’s the love of my life, it would feel good to just know there’s some emotional connection that is solidified there. i also get a little emotional and needy sometimes after sex

needless to say my vibrator and i have been the beeessssttt of friends lately 🥴💀 yall pray to the lesbian gods for me plsssss

I was in a long-term relationship where my ex said that if she complimented me everyday, then the compliment would lose its meaning and be less valuable. I think we were mismatched, which is why we eventually broke up after a few years, because she felt overwhelmed by the fact I’d tell her she was pretty and kind and that I loved her everyday. She said the compliments made her feel like I was putting her on a pedestal, but I now realize I’m just the type of person that likes complimenting my partner because I like being complimented multiple times a day back. In the relationship, I often felt unloved and unappreciated, and I didn’t realize it at the time but it was because she would only tell me she loved me on rare occasions like holidays or anniversary’s. And I was complimented on my appearance maybe once or twice a year, and complimented on my traits every other week or so. After we broke up, she asked me if we could get back together because she really loved me, and I told her I would need a compliment multiple times a day if we did and she said that that was too much work.

But it got me curious, are you the type to like several compliments a day or some sprinkled in throughout the week/month?

My friend's boyfriend has never met my girlfriend and I found out a month ago that my two friends and him were looking at her photo and he gave her the nickname "Snorlax" because of her weight. She isn't ever obese, and his girlfriend is also chubby but even though he was always nice to me and we became sort of friends (they will get married in a couple months) I don't want him in my or my girlfriend's life AT ALL. Two days ago, I told my friend I found this out and she told me her boyfriend will apologise but instead he went to attack the other friend that was there and never contacted me. Would it be okay to completely break the friendship over this? I am literally this close to doing it

i am in a sapphic book shortage, i need to know what are your favorite sapphic books ever so i can begin reading them!! more sapphic literature please!!

EDIT: Adding a tl;dr because this is so long.
TL;DR: My girlfriend agreed to forgive me for not respecting her boundaries around my ex, and I took responsibility for my mistakes and cut contact. But even a year later, she continues to hold my past against me while refusing to acknowledge her own hurtful behaviour. I feel like my mistakes mean I have to tolerate anything she does, and I'm struggling to figure out whether we can move forward if accountability only goes one way.

Wow, this ended up being way longer than I expected. I was just dumping my thoughts but if anyone does bother reading it and give advice, I’d appreciate it so much.

Before I even say anything, I want to say, full disclosure, I was not a saint in this relationship. My gf (24F) and I (24F) have been together for more than 1.5 years. From the start, my girlfriend was extremely enthusiastic about being with me but I was not so sure myself. While I would like to believe that being unsure is okay for the first 4-5 months, maybe it was wrong and I shouldn’t have strung her along. Well, it doesn’t even matter because after 6 months, I eventually ended up falling hard for her.

Before we had ever gotten together, I had told her that one of my closest friends was my ex. This was my go to friend for everything. Even though this ex and I had a messy past, we had learnt to realise we were better off as friends. I saw nothing wrong with this and the general lesbian trope of being friends with your ex just enabled it.

I did some very problematic things, including:

- Not telling my gf that my ex and I had kissed 2 months before I had met my gf. This was just something stupid that had happened when my friends had come to my city to visit, we had gotten stupidly drunk at my place, and my ex and I had ended up kissing, only to feel immediately disgusted and stop. But there was a digicam picture of this, and my gf saw it because she went through personal pictures on my hard disk.
- Proceeding to hang out with my ex alone when I would ever go to her city, get an airbnb to hang out with her (my other friend backed out last minute), play games and watch movies with her, talk to her on video call.

I really want to emphasise, this whole time, I saw my ex as just a close friend and I thought my gf was being insecure by not understanding our friendship and I did not respect my gf’s boundaries about it at all. I was not a good, kind, or loving partner.

Eventually my friend group of 4 decided to go on a trip, one of the girls was my ex, and when one of them backed out, it was just us 3. My gf made it seem like she was okay with it initially, but once I actually went, she started being horribly mean to me and eventually dropping the fact she was not okay with what was happening.

I gave up and told her I would cut her off when I came back. I genuinely was planning to, but I thought I’d slowly phase out talking to her instead of blocking her or whatever.

A day after I came back, she checked my phone, saw that I was still talking to her and dumped me for cheating on her.

I know all the things I did were evil and disrespectful and she was right to leave me. Very classic, but I started to deeply regret my actions and behaviour and saw the fault in my ways. I dropped a message to my ex saying that we wouldn’t be talking anymore. I sent a long letter to my gf owning up to the shit I had done, saying sorry and taking responsibility for everything.

A week later, she came back to me and we started dating again. It was good for a while but we would still have fights about my ex if I even mentioned her or talked about her. Man, maybe I should have just shut up but this was someone I had known for almost 5 years. Eventually, I completely stopped mentioning her and things got better.

Her roommate was leaving the city so we decided to move in together. After a rocky start, things were smooth sailing for a while until she told me she had suddenly been getting a lot of real estate spam calls. I didn’t think too much of it and thought her number probably got leaked. Well, she started answering back the calls, asked them who they thought she was, and they said my ex’s name. (My ex has a very common name btw). She became convinced that my ex was behind this and downloaded hinge. Her excuse was that she just wanted to find queer friends to talk through.

Obviously, this information broke me, but she was not as apologetic and kept insisting it was okay because I had done worse things. I forgave her in a day.

Things were good for 3-4 months, we had a blast living together, until I eventually had to go to my ex’s city (where all my friends stay as well) for a conference. She was very fond of my friends or so she had led me to believe.

But once I actually reached, she again dropped a bunch of horrible mean messages about how she was feeling triggered seeing me hang around with the same group of people especially knowing they enabled my actions and saw nothing wrong with it.

I was very apologetic, I told her I understood and explained that my friends didn’t even know half the stuff that I did, and were the first ones to call me out on my bullshit. This argument just got worse until she just dumped me. She dropped hurtful messages about me to my friends and even said very mean things to one of my friends directly.

The immediate next day she started asking when to give our notice to end the lease. Started pressuring me to tell her when I was coming back so she could book her flight tickets. We have a cat that we are fostering and she didn’t want the cat to be alone. I was still processing the break up, was at work, and knew if I respond and tell her, she’ll leave before I’m back and I won’t get the chance to talk to her. I didn’t respond so she texted my co-worker, started calling me again and again (16 times) and messaging me hurtful stuff for not responding. Eventually I did tell her and she stopped.

She wasn’t able to get her flight tickets, apparently because I didn’t respond in time. (I was an hour late). She was upset because her father also wanted to fly out to see her, they wanted to coordinate and eventually he didn’t book because she wasn’t sure. She then told me that the urgency was because the country he was in was getting attacked and bombed. As horrible as I felt that this situation had happened, could she not just have told me the seriousness of the situation? She said I should’ve just understood her urgency if she said the word “urgent”. Either way, I felt awful and apologised multiple times for what had happened.

We ended up making up, resolving things, and I told her I would change fundamental things about myself to make her feel comfortable. I told her if what she needed was to be able to check my phone to be convinced that I wasn’t cheating on her, I was ok with that. (For the past 3-4 months I had changed my password after the phone checking had become extremely periodic).

She then proceeded to:
- Open chats with my closest friends so she could see what we were saying about her.
- Got upset when she saw my friends call her abusive for bombarding me at work and texting my coworkers. (Mind you, the only context we had was that she had dumped me and just wanted to leave).
- Screamed at me about how much she didn’t love me.
- Forced me to get an apology from my friends for what they said about her.
- Tell me to cut off my friends if they didn’t see the wrong in their ways.
- When my best friend eventually did not apologise and felt that her behaviour was not fair as well, I told her it’s okay I’ll cut her off.
- Came to her, begged her to please understand that I’m being very vulnerable and to just be kind to me.
- She said she would, but when I started crying and telling her that I’m upset because it’s hurtful to lose your closest friend, she started screaming me about how it was my fault that her father couldn’t get out of the country.
- When I started crying at that and asked her does she really think I’m at fault for that, she said yes until she eventually reasoned a no.
- I started crying again and saying that it wasn’t fair and she couldn’t talk to me like this, to which she proceeded to sob and breakdown herself.

See, I really am empathetic to her pain and maybe me saying that I was feeling unheard and vulnerable made her think of times she felt that way and she broke down. But, as much as I’ve messed up, she can’t be this way right?

I know my friendship with my ex and how I went about it all of last year really hurt and disrespected her. I know I deserved all the ways she acted out about it to me. I know she felt like I cheated on her with my ex.

But I have not talked to this person in a YEAR and while I an no one to rush my girlfriend in her timeline to process her grief, there has to be some middle ground right?

I feel like when she’s hurt she becomes monstrous, says and does so much hurtful stuff and I just empathise and ignore it because I was the one she’s hurt by.

It’s become such a bad cycle now and for the first time yesterday I felt like maybe, despite all the things I did that hurt her, I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. But I immediately felt guilty and selfish for feeling that when she didn’t put me through the kind of pain I did.

I just don’t know anymore. Thoughts?

I broke up with my gf at the time in 2020 right before covid, I wasn't making her happy and the solutions she was giving me didn't seem to make her happy either. So I ended things, not because I didn't love her (she was the love of my life truly) but because if I couldn't make her happy in the way she needed I wasn't going to keep her from finding what truly made her happy. For the first couple years 2020-2024 I would reach out not often but once every year even after the last thing she told me was,"I expected to never talk to you for the rest of my life." Obviously she never responded to anything I ever said but when she saw my mom (they never got along when we dated) she asked my mom about how I was and where I was living at the time. My mom told her and that was that. Now 2026, I changed my phone number, moved states, and I still dream about her as if we were back together and in my dreams I have a feeling of gratitude because we were apart but we got back together despite it all. I no longer reach out because I have no reason to and we aren't the same people anymore. I have had good years, bad years, picked up hobbies, volunteered and yet I still revert to wanting her. I know she wants nothing to do with me and that I have overstayed my feelings here but I just need to get it out of my head & hope that this feeling that "we are meant to be" leaves me alone.

Any advice or motivation would be a great help.

(I have dated other people, I have taken time for myself, and I have had therapy)