I am a trans girl at 33 years old. I did my face surgery already so when with good makeup I pass as cisgender at about 80% of the times sometimes at 100% if I am lucky.

The issue is that I still haven´t had my voice urgery so I still have a deep voice (which i hate) and I was asked on a casual date today by a girl who is cis,

I am really anxious about her getting freaked out about my voice, I honestly don´t know what to do. I absolutely don´t want to be in a situation where I am there and get embarassed. I am looking into creative ways on handling this? Or I´m I just doomed?

the date is casual btw so she just asked me to go for drinks

They are so amazing and wonderful ☺️ I want to kiss and cuddle them all the time and I can't wait until we can afford to all live togetherrr. Been visiting one of them and so far it's been the best month of my life :3

I was on another reddit page asking about why plus size women are treated badly and I stated that my preference is for fit masc type women, although I do love all women. I was just stating what turns me on the mist. But half the comments ate me alive shaming me for not being turned on by other plus size women. But I never said that, I merely said my preference tends to lean to fit masc women. Now half the comments have me feeling like it's somehow wrong for plus size women to have a simple preference

I came across this post. I cannot think of ideas to help them, I was hoping by reposting it here there might be more ideas or experiences?

The original post is from a sapphic sub from indie.

Girlss, it's not an urgent post, but I'm having this question and would like to ask for some opinions. Pls dont criticise me too harshly 😭

I'm 24F, never been in any relationship or habe sex or even have kiss before. I'm from a small town of a traditional and conversation country, it's either people around me are all straight, or they are all closeted. I actually fantasize and plan to move abroad, not only it's a better option for my personal career and life (if I can successfully do so), it can also be a better option for me to have a romantic relationship etc. It's a long way to go and it's not easy, and I know it, but at least it's what currently supporting me and motivating me in my life.

However, recently I come across sharings that it's very difficult to get a job and relocate overseas because of the bad job market etc. If I were to relocate abroad, I wanna be a skilled worker so I can live a comfortable life and enjoy life there, so it's getting harder because the companies definitely prefer to hire locals, which is makes sense and I understand.

I just suddenly feel like, even the goal and the dream life that's been motivating me isn't feasible anymore and I might just stay lonely in my small town forever. Is there anything else I can do?

Hey guys.
I’ve been dating my gf for almost 2 years now. Now we’ve had our share of our ups and downs and even went to couple therapy, and I do acknowledge some of my faults are definitely the reason od some problems in our relationship.

The thing is, I feel like my gf is a hypocrite and gaslights me but I’m so lost that I need someone to tell me if I’m just imagining things.

The main problem is that I feel like I can enver “win” a fight. It always ends up in me apologizing to her, doesn’t matter how it started or what the problem was.

What’s worse is that she starts fights over little things, makes me apologize then she kind of throughout relatiomship tells me how i have no self esteem and its unnatractive. One day I was sleeping over at her house and she had to wake up early. I had to emergency call my friend for 2 mins at like 8 pm because my other friend was going thru some heavy stuff ( snd my gf knew about it). She basically started prohibiting me to call stating that if i call in the bathroom the neoghbours will hear and i cant call in her room cuz she told me she wanted to go to sleep. I stood up for myself and told her to stop being like annoying about it and I was quite assertive. SHE LITERALLY GOT SO ANGRY THAT SHE STOOD UP AND PUSHED ME saying ,, don’t talk to me with that tone” after that she apologized by just saying ,, sorry i pushed you” but basically said i provoked her. She sometimes furing fights gets mad and tells me stuff like she hates me and i’m the worst etc but always seems to blame me.

She also does things lkke when i text or say i love you she doesnt say it back sometimes pr says ,, thank you” but when she says it and i dont say it back then she repeats it again because she wants me to ssy it back. But when I say im sad when she doesnt say it back she says that she wants to say it when she wants to and I say it too often:D

In our whole relationship I think I almost never heard anything lkke ,, I’m sorry I didn’t want to make you feel this ways” anything i brought up something that upset me it turned against me. I really feel like I crazy person

I don’t know if anybody will read it but if you do, please write your thoughts I wokld greatly appreciate it.

Thank you

I basically just need some advice or reassurance because i feel very lost and i don’t know if what im feeling is normal or if im doing something wrong
i (18F) recently downloaded hinge and have been talking to a girl (19F) for about three days. this isn’t a long time i know, but it is the longest i have ever been in any kind of talking stage with someone. i have never been in a relationship and i have never kissed anyone. i ask her a bunch of questions about herself and all she asked me was if id be open to doing stuff (if yk what i mean). she can be super affectionate and talks about cuddling which is nice, but it feels kind of fast? maybe im just super inexperienced. on the other hand, most of the time she is very dry and i feel kind of uncomfortable when we text. i dont know. i cant seem to match with anybody else to compare it to.
sorry if this is all pretty stupid, but i don’t know where else to go. i feel so confused and weird

These days every time I go down on my girl (the last 3 or 4 times), she says after about 10 mins that she wants me to fuck her (with the strap- we recently used it for the first time).

Which is fine… I guess… I just don’t know whether she wants me to fuck her because she doesn’t like me going down on her or because she’s so turned on.
And yes I’ve asked, to which she kind of replies quizzically that it was good but now she just wants me to fuck her.

My question is that if it was really that good, why doesn’t she just want me to keep going down on her?

It's literally any dating app, set your preferences to women, and be open and honest about your intentions. I PROMISE if you live in a well populated area and put somewhere on there you are there for hookups THEY WILL COME. The reason stuff like grindr works is because they're horny and open about what they want. Practice this on hinge, her, tinder etc and you'll find something. TLDR just be open and honest about your intentions.

Hello. I’m F22 and in the past year i’ve been mourning my entire life. Until one week ago I forced myself to like men, to have fantasies about them and to have dates with them. After each date I just felt soulless and empty and barely had one kiss. My family is quite accepting so I don’t have pressure for external validation, i just struggle with myself. I struggle because I never had a first time, i never had a relationship, i never felt truly happy.Comphet, internalized homophobia, ocd, anxiety, depression ,I struggle a lot with these.
I regret not have come out earlier in life because since i hinted my mom that im gay she told me to not be ashamed i feel more at ease but still I have FOMO of how my life would be if i had dated men.
I don’t fight with anyone else but me. I hate myself to not have told my first real love that I loved her. We stopped talking in 2024. I still don’t know why we stopped talking but luckily after having a crush on her for 3 years my feelings had faded away. She was the first person i had come out to. She was the reason why I studied hard to get good grades. I wanted to impress her everyday. She was the reason why after struggling with depression in high school suddenly one morning i was happy to go to school.
After i saw my high school friends still dating each other and building a future together I felt like i had to be more brave in life and not caring about my intrusive thoughts. I really hope that someone that can relate to this is now living a happier fulfilling life. We are not our thoughts and we deserve to be happy.

It's not that I don't exude my own kind of confidence, I do. I'm a rock musician, I get in front of audiences. I've learned how to act confident, I've learned how to command a room's attention. I'm anything but meek or awkward; I've been called intimidating. I get lots of attention (mostly from men, mostly unwanted). But mine is a different kind of confidence. It's effortful confidence, gained hard after painfully lacking it. The confidence of these women who get to me, it seems so natural. Like they know attention just flows to them like water downhill and it's theirs to play with.

I think this thing that happens to me is specific to being a woman who loves women. Because women are both social and sexual for me--like this woman, whoever she might be: I want to be friends with her, I want to be like her, I want to kiss her and date her and go to bed with her, these feelings come all at once and for whatever reason come with a twinge of pain. It's like having a secret crush on your more popular friend in grade school--you can't confess it, much less hope it's reciprocated, and that makes you feel so alone, so pining, so invisible.

And this feeling, I don't really take it 100% seriously when it happens but it kind of gives me despair that I'll find someone. All the confidence I've built up over the years temporarily dissolves and I'm just that 14 year old with a crush on her straight friend, slumped against the window on the bus ride home, feeling like no one will ever understand.

i have this online friend i met through mutual friends in a groupchat. we grew pretty close overtime and i think we developed a homoerotic friendship of sorts? we often joke about having intimate relationships and being a couple, but i think i’m starting to take these jokes a bit more seriously now. the problem is, i don’t know how to proceed after this revelation. i dont want to confess right now because i’m worried about getting rejected and potentially ruining our friendship. is there a way for me to go about in a way that would help me confirm whether or not the feeling mutual?

f24, thinking about breaking up with my gf of 5 years and i feel so guilty about it

my gf and i have been together for 5 years, but lately things just feel different. she's been snapping at me and raising her voice more, and it feels like she doesn't really make time for me anymore. she's been prioritizing her friends lately, and idk, i've just been feeling so shitty and left behind.

we're also ldr, which makes everything harder. sometimes i wonder if we're just growing apart and if life is slowly taking us in different directions.

i still love her, and that's what makes this so hard. but at the same time, i don't feel the same connection with her anymore. i miss how we used to be, and it hurts feeling like i'm slowly losing someone who's been such a huge part of my life.

i feel so guilty even thinking about breaking up bc we've been together for 5 years. that's such a long time, and the thought of walking away from all of that makes me feel awful. but i've also started realizing that sometimes it's the little things that slowly change how you feel about someone.

idk if i'm overthinking things or if we're just going through a rough patch, but a part of me feels like we're growing apart, and i'm scared to admit it.

for those of you who've been in long-term wlw relationships, how did you know when it was time to let go? have you ever loved someone but felt like you weren't really in the relationship anymore? did you try to work things out or did you eventually walk away?

i honestly don't know what to do rn :(

Wow, this ended up being way longer than I expected. I was just dumping my thoughts but if anyone does bother reading it and give advice, I’d appreciate it so much.

Before I even say anything, I want to say, full disclosure, I was not a saint in this relationship. My gf (24F) and I (24F) have been together for more than 1.5 years. From the start, my girlfriend was extremely enthusiastic about being with me but I was not so sure myself. While I would like to believe that being unsure is okay for the first 4-5 months, maybe it was wrong and I shouldn’t have strung her along. Well, it doesn’t even matter because after 6 months, I eventually ended up falling hard for her.

Before we had ever gotten together, I had told her that one of my closest friends was my ex. This was my go to friend for everything. Even though this ex and I had a messy past, we had learnt to realise we were better off as friends. I saw nothing wrong with this and the general lesbian trope of being friends with your ex just enabled it.

I did some very problematic things, including:

- Not telling my gf that my ex and I had kissed 2 months before I had met my gf. This was just something stupid that had happened when my friends had come to my city to visit, we had gotten stupidly drunk at my place, and my ex and I had ended up kissing, only to feel immediately disgusted and stop. But there was a digicam picture of this, and my gf saw it because she went through personal pictures on my hard disk.
- Proceeding to hang out with my ex alone when I would ever go to her city, get an airbnb to hang out with her (my other friend backed out last minute), play games and watch movies with her, talk to her on video call.

I really want to emphasise, this whole time, I saw my ex as just a close friend and I thought my gf was being insecure by not understanding our friendship and I did not respect my gf’s boundaries about it at all. I was not a good, kind, or loving partner.

Eventually my friend group of 4 decided to go on a trip, one of the girls was my ex, and when one of them backed out, it was just us 3. My gf made it seem like she was okay with it initially, but once I actually went, she started being horribly mean to me and eventually dropping the fact she was not okay with what was happening.

I gave up and told her I would cut her off when I came back. I genuinely was planning to, but I thought I’d slowly phase out talking to her instead of blocking her or whatever.

A day after I came back, she checked my phone, saw that I was still talking to her and dumped me for cheating on her.

I know all the things I did were evil and disrespectful and she was right to leave me. Very classic, but I started to deeply regret my actions and behaviour and saw the fault in my ways. I dropped a message to my ex saying that we wouldn’t be talking anymore. I sent a long letter to my gf owning up to the shit I had done, saying sorry and taking responsibility for everything.

A week later, she came back to me and we started dating again. It was good for a while but we would still have fights about my ex if I even mentioned her or talked about her. Man, maybe I should have just shut up but this was someone I had known for almost 5 years. Eventually, I completely stopped mentioning her and things got better.

Her roommate was leaving the city so we decided to move in together. After a rocky start, things were smooth sailing for a while until she told me she had suddenly been getting a lot of real estate spam calls. I didn’t think too much of it and thought her number probably got leaked. Well, she started answering back the calls, asked them who they thought she was, and they said my ex’s name. (My ex has a very common name btw). She became convinced that my ex was behind this and downloaded hinge. Her excuse was that she just wanted to find queer friends to talk through.

Obviously, this information broke me, but she was not as apologetic and kept insisting it was okay because I had done worse things. I forgave her in a day.

Things were good for 3-4 months, we had a blast living together, until I eventually had to go to my ex’s city (where all my friends stay as well) for a conference. She was very fond of my friends or so she had led me to believe.

But once I actually reached, she again dropped a bunch of horrible mean messages about how she was feeling triggered seeing me hang around with the same group of people especially knowing they enabled my actions and saw nothing wrong with it.

I was very apologetic, I told her I understood and explained that my friends didn’t even know half the stuff that I did, and were the first ones to call me out on my bullshit. This argument just got worse until she just dumped me. She dropped hurtful messages about me to my friends and even said very mean things to one of my friends directly.

The immediate next day she started asking when to give our notice to end the lease. Started pressuring me to tell her when I was coming back so she could book her flight tickets. We have a cat that we are fostering and she didn’t want the cat to be alone. I was still processing the break up, was at work, and knew if I respond and tell her, she’ll leave before I’m back and I won’t get the chance to talk to her. I didn’t respond so she texted my co-worker, started calling me again and again (16 times) and messaging me hurtful stuff for not responding. Eventually I did tell her and she stopped.

She wasn’t able to get her flight tickets, apparently because I didn’t respond in time. (I was an hour late). She was upset because her father also wanted to fly out to see her, they wanted to coordinate and eventually he didn’t book because she wasn’t sure. She then told me that the urgency was because the country he was in was getting attacked and bombed. As horrible as I felt that this situation had happened, could she not just have told me the seriousness of the situation? She said I should’ve just understood her urgency if she said the word “urgent”. Either way, I felt awful and apologised multiple times for what had happened.

We ended up making up, resolving things, and I told her I would change fundamental things about myself to make her feel comfortable. I told her if what she needed was to be able to check my phone to be convinced that I wasn’t cheating on her, I was ok with that. (For the past 3-4 months I had changed my password after the phone checking had become extremely periodic).

She then proceeded to:
- Open chats with my closest friends so she could see what we were saying about her.
- Got upset when she saw my friends call her abusive for bombarding me at work and texting my coworkers. (Mind you, the only context we had was that she had dumped me and just wanted to leave).
- Screamed at me about how much she didn’t love me.
- Forced me to get an apology from my friends for what they said about her.
- Tell me to cut off my friends if they didn’t see the wrong in their ways.
- When my best friend eventually did not apologise and felt that her behaviour was not fair as well, I told her it’s okay I’ll cut her off.
- Came to her, begged her to please understand that I’m being very vulnerable and to just be kind to me.
- She said she would, but when I started crying and telling her that I’m upset because it’s hurtful to lose your closest friend, she started screaming me about how it was my fault that her father couldn’t get out of the country.
- When I started crying at that and asked her does she really think I’m at fault for that, she said yes until she eventually reasoned a no.
- I started crying again and saying that it wasn’t fair and she couldn’t talk to me like this, to which she proceeded to sob and breakdown herself.

See, I really am empathetic to her pain and maybe me saying that I was feeling unheard and vulnerable made her think of times she felt that way and she broke down. But, as much as I’ve messed up, she can’t be this way right?

I know my friendship with my ex and how I went about it all of last year really hurt and disrespected her. I know I deserved all the ways she acted out about it to me. I know she felt like I cheated on her with my ex.

But I have not talked to this person in a YEAR and while I an no one to rush my girlfriend in her timeline to process her grief, there has to be some middle ground right?

I feel like when she’s hurt she becomes monstrous, says and does so much hurtful stuff and I just empathise and ignore it because I was the one she’s hurt by.

It’s become such a bad cycle now and for the first time yesterday I felt like maybe, despite all the things I did that hurt her, I didn’t deserve to be treated this way. But I immediately felt guilty and selfish for feeling that when she didn’t put me through the kind of pain I did.

I just don’t know anymore. Thoughts?

I'm struggling right now because my girlfriend doesn't talk to me about how she's feeling. She feels her emotions really strongly but she never lets me in and support her. I've talked with her about this numerous times and I try my best to be supportive but she never opens up to me. We've been dating for a few months and it really bothers me. I've told her how much it bothers me and she says she'd work on it but it's basically the same. I tried asking her how I can improve to make her feel safe but she insists that I'm not doing anything wrong. She's there for me lots but I can never do the same for her and I really hate it. Anyone have any advice? I know I might be an asshole for this but I feel like this might be a dealbreaker for me.

Please tell me if I'm wrong and out of line and I will accept it and work on being better. But I don't know what else to do.

Thanks for reading 💙

it’s been too long…. (2 days lmao)

I’m genuinely confused by something I’ve noticed since moving to Seattle. I see posts FREQUENTLY from Seattle lesbians saying they’re lonely and want friends, but actually trying to make those connections feels so difficult.

I’ve personally reached out to Seattle sapphics who seemed interested in making friends, only for things to go cold or for the conversations to go nowhere. And it’s frustrating because I really do want to build a social circle here.

I don’t have family nearby, or friends or a partner, and I want actual in-person connections with people I can hang out with, talk to, and do things with. I’m not a party or nightlife person, so I’m not looking for that kind of social scene.

What I don’t understand is why it seems like there are so many lesbians in Seattle who want friends, but so many of us still struggle to find people who actually stick around.
Obviously, not everyone is going to click, and I understand that people have their own lives and things going on. But when you reach out to someone who says they want friends and they end up getting distant, it makes you wonder what the disconnect is.

Do people get nervous when it comes to actually meeting up? Is it hard for introverts to take that next step? Do people want friends but not realize how much effort it takes to build and maintain those relationships??
I’m not expecting everyone to become best friends overnight. I just want to understand why finding people who genuinely want to connect and consistently make an effort seems so difficult when there are so many people looking for the same thing.

Has anyone else experienced this with Seattle lesbians? I’d genuinely like to hear other people’s experiences and understand why this keeps happening.

I (22f) know im only attracted to women but it takes time for me to develop romantic and then sexual attraction… sadly I haven’t found the one but then again I’m not really sad… I’m very full filled with my life I have the most best girl friends I could ever dream of.. they are kind, supportive, sweet my platonic soulmates😭I feel like with them on my side I don’t need to be in a relationship ever…. they are truly my sisters. And also since the last girl that has left me traumatised my desire for a relationship or any kind of romantic connection with women has gone down I don’t want to deal with them at all… I love my friends and I want to be with them forever🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🥺I just want them to be happy and for us to be forever together 😌The last girl I dated hated my friends and how much my friends loved me and how much I loved my friends… for example she hated that my friends were affectionate towards me but she wouldn’t ever allow us to be affectionate in a non sexual way she was always aggressive and sexual about everything I hated that🫩anyways love to hear about others opinion, how they deal with this and if it’s common to be that close to your friends

So I (15) am unsure if I show come out to my mom/how. Me and her are super super close and I want to be able to tell her because I hate lying and her not knowing this about me. The only thing is idk how she'll respond and don't want it to make things weird for the next few years I'm living with her/ mess up our relationship.

For background context: she is not homophobic, I'll go ahead and say that much. She's just very misguided/just doesn't understand. She sometimes says things that she doesn't realize aren't like... okay to say but it's not said with mal intent. She also was conservative for a while although now (cough cough after her and my dad got divorced) shes definitely a centrist maybe leaning a little left idk maybe not. She actually had a lot of gay friends in her teen years and twenties. But on the other hand she is fairly religious ( nothing crazy but like she grew up very religious and like we go to church every Sunday). But I have a lot of other queer friends and she loves them.

So yeah I'm more or less just asking should I come out now? If I do, how? And just like general advice. Sorry if this is not the best written thing but it is very late, thanks so much <3

Are there folks in here who are dating/seeking a relationship for whom critical consciousness and liberatory values are fundamental to compatibility? With authoritarianism rising in the US and globally, I'm looking for someone who is clear on the harms and injustices unfolding daily as expressions of systems like white supremacy, Christian nationalism, transphobia, ableism, misogyny, and fatphobia. That shared lens is core to relational trust and intimacy for me, intellectually, politically, emotionally, and sexually. Curious whether this resonates with anyone else.