It's 2001. I'm 11 years old. Josie And The Pussycats has just hit probably PPV and I'm sitting in my bedroom watching it on my little CRT TV. Josie is going on her mean Josie rant. "Who's a rockstar? I am". That's great and all, super interested in the movie, definitely... But what's that going on on the TV behind Josie?

Women in bikinis dancing with each other. Women. Wearing barely any clothing. Touching each other.

I was laser focused in on that blurry ass background TV. The scene would clip back to Melody and I'd be like, "Nonononono, wait, go back, what was Josie doing again? Let's go back to her". If you wanna know how absolutely miniscule this moment is here it is. The TV isn't visible until two minutes into this clip, and somehow I noticed this and still remember it. Every single time I have rewatched this movie over the years I have quietly acknowledged this scene to myself.

So, I'd like to know what your 20 second clip on a TV in the background of a movie moment is. That memory that is just so specifically niche that there is no possible heterosexual explanation for it.

I came out earlier this year after divorcing my husband. I had a curiosity about women since i was a child and sensations of attraction emotionally, if you will, but otherwise never really found (or allowed myself to find) women's bodies attractive. I thought if I did "give it a try " I would forever be a pillow princess.........

Boy was I WRONG! I cannot believe how attracted I am to my GF. Her hips, her hair, her skin, her lips, her 🐱, her breasts, her smell, her taste, her touch, how our bodies fit together when we cuddle. How on earth did i repress so much for so long?!?! 😆 That is all. I am glad it only took me 36 years and not a minute longer. I have a lot of catching up to do! IYKYK ❤️🧡🤍🩷💜

I ran across one of my teammates (RollerDerby) on Hinge, and then again, and again (seriously she always pops up on mine)...and now I'm agonizing over whether to ask her out or if that would make things too weird, or to organize some group thing.

It's almost worse because I know it's a crush and not actual deep emotion, I don't know her super well [we're friends, but not super close]. But knowing that doesn't actually help.

Blah

Sorry, just had to vent. I'll probably delete this post tomorrow...just like I would have when I was 16.

Hey all, I'm relatively new to wlw dating. I have noticed that a lot of girls want to stay friends if you end things amicably. From someone you've gone on dates and hooked up with, to someone you had a relationship spanning months - they all end things with a suggestion to stay friends. And they mean it - not just being "polite".

Is this a trend I wasn't aware of? Why do they do this? Is it really realistic to be friendly? Is it not doomed to fail the moment one of you gets a bit more serious with someone else?

I feel like the hurt is double when firstly connection doesn't progress and then secondly a friendship ends.

Can't be only one who's noticed this!

In the early afternoon, I went out for a walk in the neighborhood; I walked by one house that had a man shredding leaves--completely shirtless.

The moment he turned to the side, however, the first thought that came to my head was "Okay, that is WAY too much [chest] hair," and a gross feeling in my mouth.

Has anyone else always known they were sexually attracted to women, and even been with women sexually, but never really allowed themselves to consider having romantic feelings for a woman until their 30s?
I’ve known I was attracted to women since I was young and have had sexual experiences with women, but for some reason, the idea of actually falling in love with a woman or being in a relationship with one was something I never really considered for myself.
I remember being in college and seeing women getting married to other women and thinking, “Good for them, but that’s not something I could ever see myself doing.” I never really questioned why I felt that way until recently.
Now I’m wondering if my religious beliefs played a bigger role in that than I realized. I grew up believing that being with a woman was a sin and that I’d go to hell for it. Even though I’ve been with women sexually, I wonder if I subconsciously drew a line between sexual attraction and actually allowing myself to fall in love with a woman. Like maybe I could acknowledge that I was attracted to women, but the idea of building a life with one felt like something I wasn’t supposed to want.
Now that I’m in my 30s and experiencing romantic feelings for a woman, I’m questioning whether those feelings were always possible for me, but I just never allowed myself to explore them.
I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. Were you able to separate being sexually attracted to women from the idea of actually loving one because of your religious upbringing? And if so, how did you work through that guilt or fear? Does that feeling that it’s somehow wrong ever fully go away?

I be feeling with no confidence at all since I ate pussy and she didn’t make any noises any movements , I got really sad and upset and stopped even tho I try different tongue’s movements . I really need tips/ advice I seen the worst way is to poker my tongue on her but she doesn’t seem to like it flat either while moving my head

Has anyone else discovered that discovering their sexuality led to a deeper transformation than they were ready for and changed their relationship to themself? Share your journey and transformation 💖✨💫

I’ve been surprised by how much discovering my sexuality challenged me to discover what I trust and fear, what I know and deny, and what I am connected to, and disconnected from. 

When I was experiencing my body be attracted to women, there was a lot more fear hidden within me than I realized. A deep fear about being valued, supported, accepted, wanted, and safe. I learned to trust my fear more than my truth. Somewhere along the journey of life I became extremely disconnected from the truth within me in order to survive an environment that was always treating my truth as a threat or a lie.

And now I am on the path of reconnecting to the truth that lives within me and always has. I am learning to have compassion for my fear, understanding why it took the driver seat. I am also realizing that fear doesn’t have to go away, it is wise. But the truth can no longer be buried and dismissed due to fear anymore. It’s time to make enough space to include inner truth 🌊and inner connection🌳.

TLDR: I’m 31 and I have two kids (small, 1 and 4 yo). I know right now is not a great time to turn my life around but I’m 100% sure I’m going to end my hetero relationship in the not-far future because of me being gay. I just know that I’m not going to stick around for the kids. It would eat me alive.

I’m not terrified of being alone and I’d rather be alone than be with a man (and especially that man) BUT nevertheless I’m wondering how am I going to date with two kids. Two boys. I see this content online about “no man household” and yet, there are and always will be two amazing, beloved men in my heart and my house - my sons. And of course there is a man that is the father who is going to be somewhat part of that ordeal.

This whole thing makes me so sad. Had I known. Or rather - had I let myself be with women like I always wanted. I did everything right growing up, I was a fucking “gold star” and yet here I am. And at the same time I don’t regret my children. I cannot imagine the world where they are not there.

But it seems like my desire to love a woman is clashing with the family I already have. I know I have to leave my male partner but at the same time I wonder if I’m just going to die alone. Or am I going to be laughing stock because of my gay awakening ending in me just being lonely.

I’m scared to face the life after coming out (I was always out somehow but like out out). I’m scared that no woman will be okay with a mother of two. I had two episiotomies for fucks sake. I know some of it is internalized sexism. My current partner is sexist and mean so that doesn’t help.

Looking forward to read your stories.

And it was lovely. Just a quick one to say goodbye (quick because afterwards i speedwalked off ahaha) but like atagstwhqgwh eeeee oooo

We've had maybe five dates now and she shared already after the second time that she had wanted to kiss me! I want to see her again and do it again!

Crazy. Fun! Although my world did not turn upside down from this it still was the most pleasant first kiss I have ever had. I was nervous but not uncomfortable (unlike when I have previously dated guys) and it felt warm and welcome. 🥰

Writing this to celebrate the baby (gay) steps and manifesting for everyone here that you will get to this point (and beyond of course!!)

I (33F) posted a while back, but I realised I have a strong attraction to women emotionally physically and mentally a while back after falling for a colleague in Feb this year. I told my partner (33M) I think I am gay, but I remember some attraction and interest in men... I am hoping for some advice on how to stop thinking about women. I went and had a couple of hook ups in a bit to explore but unfortunately instead of being turned off now the thought of these encounters keep playing in my head- the way her body feels under my hands, the taste of her skin the sounds of her moans... I think my brain is throughly messed up and I do not want to give up my nice stable life with my nice male partner... I can tolerate sex with him- he knows what he is doing but I do not like kissing or looking at him. The penetration is okay, I can give a bl*wjob if I imagine going down on a woman.... I feel I need to try harder to be more present during intimacy, but my brain is spinning... My therapist said she can't really help with that, and she feels I made up my mind to leave him... I am desperate because he is my best friend and we have a really nice place together. Maybe I am just an asshole who can't commit to someone? I have no kids.

I’m 31 years old and have spent the better part of the last year talking to someone I met on social media. She pursued me first (because of course she did). Everything was great until she stopped flirting all together but still wanted to spend hours on the phone with me every single day. I asked her if we were still on the same page feelings wise and she got defensive. Fast forward a few months later, I find out through one of her posts on her social that she has a new partner. Mind you, we were still in near constant communication. I was obviously devastated and cut contact. Two weeks went by and I was in agony (dopamine withdrawal is real) and I caved and reached out settling for just friendship. It’s been 4 months of us still being in near constant communication as just friends and I still can’t get over how hurt I am that she built something with someone else behind my back when I asked her for honesty about her feelings for me several more times and every time she just reassured me she doesn’t talk to anyone the same amount and in the same way as me.
I cut contact again yesterday in the hopes that I can actually take the time I need to heal and break the cycle. I guess I’m just here to feel less alone as a late bloomer. Having zero romantic or sexual experience at 31 makes it incredibly difficult to let this go because I am more scared than I’ve ever been that it will just never happen for me.

hey guys, this is like the most stressful post ever but i'm gonna try my best. i'm already out as queer, and have been for several years- i've had one serious girlfriend and one serious boyfriend. i'm currently with my boyfriend, but recently i've began to seriously question my sexuality. it was never a secret to me that i would've always HIGHLY preferred to end up with a woman rather than a man, but i never realised how important it was to me til recently. there's been more indicators obviously but i'll leave them out for now. how am i supposed to tell my boyfriend, one of the closest people to me, that i fear i may be a lesbian after all? i can't bear to break his heart, because i know it will. i try to picture myself marrying him (or any man) and having kids etc etc, and feeling so much regret and shame and unauthenticness. i love him, in my own way, i just don't know if i love him in the way a woman loves a man. it's all so difficult, we just moved in together why couldn't i have figured this out sooner. it's been a few months since this feeling has grown but it's also because i have started to fall for my female coworker (who obviously has feelings for me back) which has really amplified my feelings and the urgency of it all. just please, someone help me

I came out to my husband in August. I knew it would be hard, and it was. It really fucking was. But I was brave and proud and ready to start moving forward and face the next steps of the process towards separation and divorce.

Except he has been adamant that divorce is not an option for him. He believes we will (not just should, but WILL) stay married because “marriage isn’t just about sex.” I cannot get him to understand that being gay also is not just about sex. He can’t grasp the gravity of how profound it is to finally embrace the identity that I have been involuntarily repressing since quite literally the 6th grade. I mean, I don’t expect anyone to really get it unless they’ve lived it. But again, he can’t see past sex when he considers what it means to be gay.

Tonight I moved to the couch to sleep for the first night (should’ve done so a while ago). It feels like a step in the right direction, but I just know I’ll be met with the same stonewall attitude the next time we talk. I know that this hurts him, and I hate that so much. I don’t WANT to hurt him. I also know he needs time to process, but I don’t think any processing is going on. I think he’s dug his heels in, and if I ever expect a chance to live authentically, I’ll have to drag him through divorce. We also have two kids (7 and 4), which makes that prospect so much more painful to envision. I feel like a monster wanting to single-handedly break up the family that they’ve known.

We’re in a such a stalemate. I mean, how do we determine who “gets their way”? I know in my heart that I need to get divorced, live authentically, and model the values that I hold to my kids (did I mention he’s staunchly conservative?). But he obviously feels very passionately the opposite.

It feels like I had one foot out of the closet, or maybe even both feet, just to be shoved back in and expected to stay there. 😞

EDIT:
Appreciate the comments so much and am poring over everyone’s advice. Definitely some stuff I need to put serious thought to.

I have always said that I’m physically safe here and kinda shrugged that part off (though his first reaction back in August was way more explosive than I’d anticipated, just not directed at me but at the walls and stuff and he apologized for that), but I’m opening my eyes to how bad being mentally and emotionally unsafe is.

Financially things aren’t simple but also not hopeless. I work part time and will be moving to full time soonish. The main problem is that all of our finances are 100% combined which makes it hard for me to establish any sort of of independent foundation, which pisses me off because I was very independent and capable with an established career before getting married. I am learning that comphet is so much more than just feeling like a woman has to marry a man. This type of financial meshing is part of that construct too. Fuck comphet.

My kids are my motivation. I’m obviously so close to the situation that sometimes all I can see is how hard it will be to change their “normal” and not see them every day. But big picture, I have to protect them from growing up and ending up in a situation like this because they saw it as part of that “normal.”

Well Hello... This is my first post... I(28F) am married. I have been for 5 years and with him for almost 8 now. I suppise I just would like some advice maybe.... I love him. I do. He has been my person since I was 20 and we moved in very very quickly and have been together ever since.. I have Autism and Adhd as well... But...I always though because if experiences that happened to me I wasn't into intimate things much or just struggled with it... Now, we have had big moves and other changes and its been a year without any sex or anything and I'm totally fine with it.. I find that if we talk about it I just say "yeah sure" but we never do anything or I don't really find myself into it and befire I did think I was Bisexual, but I keeo being into Sapphic media and music and just about everything... I tell myself its nothing.. That I am in a slump and that's all.... I just feel guilty because he's winderful... I feel guilty because it's nit a bad life.. I feel guilty because I don't know what I am feeling and I am sort of feeling crazy. Thanks.....

Hi everyone! I'm new here, was married for 16 years and had been wanting to divorce for around 3-4 years. Finally he left three weeks ago today but from some months before that I started getting to know this neighbor of mine. We meet almost everyday to walk our dogs and she has been really helpful when one of mine run off, we have walked each other home after the walks, she backed me up (the only one who did) when I had to put one of my dogs to sleep, when I told her about my separation she said she hoped it was for the better and so on. I am infatuated. I've tried reaching out to her on texts but she rarely answers, is like she communicates better face-to-face.

Anyway, I asked her out, at first she thought it would include my kids (5yo twins) but I told her that it would be only us. We had agreed on meeting last Saturday but she had a family event so she suggested the next Saturday, that's in two days!

I suggested two places, one Halloween themed, the other a very quiet coffee shop with a nice garden, she chose the latter. We just haven't agreed on the exact point of the location where we will meet (coffee shop is inside a huge garden and she's never been there, we are meeting there as whe is going out in the morning). And well I didn't tell her it was a date-date.

I can't stop wondering if I really have a chance with her as her not replying texts seems too confusing for me. Feel like I'm going insane!

Do you think she might be into me? I really don't wanna hear/read the "just wait until Saturday". I know I might be too intense but is part of my neurospicyness and I am only showing this side of mine to you guys, not to her, don't wanna scare her off lol.

Thanks for reading till here!!!

Edit: I’m the purple text

I (32 woman) have been in a long-term relationship with my partner (32 male) for 13 years. I came out to him as bi before anyone else about 8 years ago, and he has always been very supportive. I've never romantically or sexually dated another woman, but I have always found women attractive at sight alone, while with men I've only had romantic attraction, and only sexual activation after knowing them.

My partner is hilarious, so smart, and empathetic; these are the things that drive my attraction to him. I'm afraid to tell him, but I think I just don't find physical attraction towards he or any other man. I think I'm coming to terms with maybe identifying myself as biromantic and homosexual?

The divergence from bi came because recently a friend from years ago married another woman. It got me thinking that I think she was my first real lady crush, and wondering if I am actually not attracted to men at all.

I also started on Lexapro about a year ago and have/had always had extreme anxiety and not a lot of healthy relationships to refer to.

Essentially, I'm spiralling a bit and am wondering if anyone else's journey feels or sounds like this. I could use some advice. I love my partner, and he is my best friend, but I'm wondering if that's it. Is that good enough? Do I owe it to myself to come out? What would you recommend based on your own or others' experiences?

I’m 19 and I’ve been attracted to women but I’ve always thought I was bisexual because I still had desire to be with a man but I never really fully enjoyed sex. I have a boyfriend right now who is really good to me but I just don’t think I’m really attracted to men and it’s such a problem and I hate that I’ve ignored this for so long. I think I have always wanted to be straight because it’s so much easier to be something your not than to be different, I don’t even think I want to come out to anybody but I’m starting to think I should if this continues I’m gonna have to because I can’t keep lying to myself. I really had my gay awakening and I feel like I can’t do anything about it. I love my boyfriend and I do want to be with him but I just don’t know if I’m bisexual anymore or attracted to men pls help 😭

The last few weeks have been a horror story of situationships with HOT, loud queer women who were kinda into me but never fully:

- I liked this woman who's a few years older and tried to get her to be into me by flirting with other girls and going home with one of them (she said she'd totally do something with me but not right now), so I slept with this girl (who knew it was casual) and for what wtf.

- slept with someone from a queer bar, they blocked me the next day

- had a situationship with a girl, we did all the relationship stuff only for her to tell me it meant nothing

I'm spiralling, have no one I can talk to with this, therapist waiting hours are insane.

I just want to feel the excitement and rush and can't stop, ever since the girl I'm in love with said she's straight and doesn't want me and it's not even about her anymore.

She made me feel everything.. and ever since my world has been so empty excitement, distractions are the only thing that help me feel again... I love her so much. Why doesn't she like me, why is no distraction ever enough...

i saw someone refer to dating apps as self harm.

my experience on HER and tinder have been pretty bad. i did get a few dates, about 4 this year, but i didn’t really connect with them, sadly.

ofc fake accounts are a big issue.

otherwise, i get matches but they never message first unless i accidentally liked someone who is unicorn hunting. everyone seems to be poly/dating a man/just curious. at least that’s what i tend to attract. however i am monogamous.

if i am swiping and match with someone, i immediately message them. it really bothers me when people don’t do the same? like they are okay to just let the match sit there even though THEY triggered the match.

one person said they don’t message first because they don’t want to seem desperate.

it feels brutal for me to have to be the one always pursuing/making an effort/chasing. i am a submissive femme so it feels really unnatural, but if i don’t, nothing gets done. i’m more of a match energy and enjoyer of deep conversation type of woman. sometimes it feels likes certain people aren’t even attracted to me or are unsure if they are. it’s like the are farming for attention and don’t really speak unless spoken to. terribly boring.

anywho. just a little vent. can anyone relate?

and please no advice about going out in person to meet people.
i’m in toronto and very aware of events and what not.

Hello. I’m kind of nervous, and I’m not even sure what answer I’m looking for. I just wanted to know if this is all in my head, or if anyone else experiences something like this.

I’m a woman in my 30s and I’ve known I’m demisexual for a while. I questioned whether I was bi for a few years. I think women are beautiful and objectively attractive. I’ve felt some arousal looking at women before, and WLW content does it for me too, but it never connected to “me, with her.” Whenever I tried to picture myself actually being with a woman, I’d just end up puzzled. Recently I’d been leaning hard toward “I’m probably straight after all.”

Today something clicked. I thought about a very close female friend and realized I could actually imagine dating her. Romantically, I mean. I’m keeping her as a friend (we joke about sharing a room at the nursing home someday), so this has nothing to do with confessing anything. It just showed me that I’ve been shutting that door automatically, mostly because I assumed she’d never see me that way.

Here’s the part that confuses me. All my dating experience has been with men, and picturing a romantic relationship with a man comes naturally to me. (For context, I’m open to a relationship, but dating has never been a big priority for me.)

So I’m wondering:

• I know being bi doesn’t mean 50/50. But for me it feels like a difference in "how" attraction works, more than "how much." With men, I can easily picture a romantic relationship in general. With women, that only seems to happen with a specific person, after a deep bond. Does anyone else experience it this way?
• Did your feelings toward women get clearer over time once you stopped blocking them?

Any experiences or thoughts welcome. I’m still processing all this.

TL;DR: Demi, 30s, still questioning if I’m bi. My attraction to men and women shows up in completely different ways. Anyone else?

(English is my second language, so I had some help from a translator. Please bear with me if anything reads a little awkward!)

I have bought two body pillows. I sleep between them. They help and sometimes they don't. I am single and live alone. I struggle with getting platonic physical affection because I don't have a significant other. I have been in and out of therapy since I was 19 (I'm 37 now) and I have my healthy coping mechanisms. I'm not even really looking for a romantic relationship. I wouldn't be opposed to that. I am on a dating app and I'm not taking it too seriously because that would just use up more energy pointlessly or I start overthinking. It is also just exhausting on every level at times. It requires a lot of focus which I don't always have hence the audhd lol I never really got a lot of physical affection growing up and then I started pushing it away as a preteen from my mom but she wasn't super physical either. I was also just an angsty teenager and mad at my mom for not taking my little sister and I away from my dad. I'm not blaming her or myself. Just stating what has happened so far in regards to my lack of physical affection. My friends and I have never been that affectionate physically. I also think, through no full fault of their own, friends and family think that as an adult especially, physical affection has to be romantic and/or sexual. Which it doesn't have to be. And I'm not going to make someone uncomfortable or unsafe by asking for like hey, can we cuddle? or hey, if I hold on a little long on a hug, is that okay? I also just don't get a lot of meaningful, interesting social interactions. It's a lot of the same thing every day. Which is fine. It just gets blah sometimes. Does anyone else struggle similar to this or like this? Does anyone have any ideas of what I can do that can help with that? I also have a stuffed animal with weighted arms too that I need to use more often. Thanks. I know this is Reddit, but please try to be kind.