I’ve been with my T for 5 years and still struggle to talk openly about things. I’ve felt the same way with all of my former T’s, and outside of therapy.

The main problem (I think) is that by the time the session rolls around, I don’t feel “bad” enough to bring up issues that I’ve had. Last week, I had a really bad night where I drank nonstop and SH’ed and I would’ve poured my guts out to my T in that moment, had I had a session with them as it was happening. The feelings were so intense that I know I would’ve said anything that was on my mind. But during the session the next day, I felt a lot more stable and consequently more closed-off. The unhappiness of the night before suddenly seemed trivial and I could barely even remember what had got me so worked up. I felt comfortable, well-rested and had no urge to bring up something that had already passed.

So when my T asked me how I was I just nodded and said “fine” because, I mean… I was lol. This has happened at every session for the last 5 years and it’s incredibly frustrating because the same “episodes” will hit repeatedly throughout the week and I regret not bringing it up every time. Has anybody else felt similarly? Like you have to feel a certain of “bad” in order to talk about them?

I feel like Ts cop alot of negativity here but there are some really fantastic ones out there.
I honestly love mine so much and feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with her. I’ve just come out of a session I was really nervous to go into. She’s so understanding, reassuring and I truly feel like she cares. when I’m telling her things she listens intently and can see the emotion on her face. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her just how much I appreciate her.

She holds her boundaries and I know it’s for my own good which makes me even more appreciative of her. She told me it’s safer to experience this attachment to her in this space rather than on the outside, with someone who might not truly have my best interest in mind and that made me trust her even more.

I’m curious to hear other people’s experiences and whether this is fairly standard practice in therapy.

I had a session scheduled this week and finished work a little early, so I went for a beer across the street while waiting for my appointment. My therapist happened to see me drinking it and told me when I arrived for my appointment that she couldn’t conduct the session because I’d had a pint.

I’d only had one beer, wasn’t intoxicated, and genuinely had no idea that this would mean the session couldn’t go ahead.

For context, we’d previously discussed cannabis use after I disclosed that I’d smoked before an earlier session. She made it clear that this wasn’t acceptable, which I understood and respected. I’ve since stopped using cannabis altogether. However, we hadn’t specifically discussed alcohol and there is no policy on their website about consuming alcohol before a session (although I appreciate there are professional boundaries and being intoxicated at therapy is not okay, or should be explored).

I was just quite surprised that a single drink, without any apparent impairment, resulted in an immediate cancellation. I was also really upset and ashamed. Felt like I’d been scolded like I’d done something really terrible, even though it was just an innocent drink and I don’t have a drinking problem. I have adhd,low self-esteem, chronic people pleasing tendencies and depression, so you can imagine this has sent me into a bit of an emotional spiral (hence the post).

I emailed afterwards asking for clarification and whether the session fee could be waived, given that I wasn’t aware of the policy. She suggested discussing it at our next session and establishing a clearer therapeutic agreement, but tbc on whether the fee will be waived.

I’m wondering:
1. Is it common for therapists to have a strict zero-alcohol policy, regardless of whether someone is intoxicated?
2. Should this have been communicated explicitly beforehand?
3. Is it reasonable to ask for the fee to be waived in these circumstances?

I’m not trying to challenge her right to set boundaries and certainly won’t do it again, just genuinely interested in whether this is a typical approach and how other therapists might have handled it.

Hi! First of all, I love the work I'm doing with my therapist and the autonomy he is slowly helping me find in my everyday life.

Today, he said "this relationship is mostly transactional". I spent the rest of the session trying not to cry.

On principle, I agree. And, just prior, we were talking about a different and an important/deep relationship that should be more "relational". So there was context. And-- I messed up. I told him a few sessions ago about limerance I had experienced (NOT him!!!!!!), and he has been weird ever since.

Yes, therapy is a paid service and limited to the time you are together and "one-way", but it's also relational and you hope they care a little. It really hurt for some reason. I struggle to trust and find balance, anyway. Even instead saying: "this relationship is professional/has contracted boundaries and expectations/ serves a specific purpose for both parties" would have felt better than----- transactional? His style is clinical, psycho educational, and mostly detached-- but it still hurts and IDK why.

Any thoughts?

Edit for context: He is truly a great therapist and I am truly horrible at interpreting, categorizing, and engaging in relationships in general. Just prior to him saying that, he was helping me explore if a hurtful relationship is possibly purely transactional (and what it would "cost" to change it). I think it (calling therapy mostly transactional) slipped out because he is a social work professor and is used to "teaching". He works hard to keep himself emotionally detached appropriately and safely, he works with high risk populations. Still, my whole mind is spinning. Do I trust him too much? Do I pull back now? If he doesn't care, should I think even more carefully about how much I risk in sharing? All these thoughts. We will work it out, but it really, really hurt. My hurt is just growing and my thought is: my side of the transaction includes real risk. If he doesn't see it as careful relationship that is relational-- how can I trust him with very sensitive material.

I’ve been seeing my therapist for almost 3.5 years. She’s nice but I don’t know if seeing her has been helpful in the way I was hoping. I hoped that we would go into my childhood and explore how wounds from then shaped me today. Unpack some of the deeper stuff.

i had a crisis that led me to quitting my job of 6 months. i emailed her the particulars of what I want to work on but from her POV we’ve been addressing these issues the whole time. I get my job wasn’t easy but it also triggered a lot of things and that’s what I want to discuss. The underlying hum of fear, perfectionism, exhaustion nervous system shut down freeze states I find myself in and dissociation overstimulation which exists in my life etc.

But it feels like we go though sessions with no plan so it’s whatever I want to talk about. No necessary follow up on last weeks discussion. And so much is me sharing something and her being like that isn’t true. CBT stuff.

the most hurtful thing was when at our last session she pointed out there was three times when I was dysregulated. After failing to move to another country, when I was doing my final exams at uni and now that I have quit my job and as she says I’m processing discharging my nervous system of all it had to go through. The rest of the time between these points have been regulated and grounded.

I was in disbelief. because I was not fine during those periods! Those particular three points were when my mental health was at its lowest, but it’s not like I wasn’t having mental health afffect me on a daily basis, even if in a small way. How had she misunderstood this badly? I can go through my diaries and find a million things my mind would circle around and ways I’d feel stuck and wrong and off. Did none of this register as important to her? I’m so astounded. I brought examples up of other times I was struggling in between and she said therapy isn’t about getting better feelings but getting better at feelings, which she says I’ve being doing well with.

I’m so frustrated because I’m in a particularly Low point right now. I feel so alone and misunderstood and hopeless. And I really want to get help. For things that have followed me from as far back as i can recall. I don’t know what to make of our therapeutic relationship. I will communicate my frustration to her. See whether if I need to look into another professional perhaps with more training.

I've been in therapy for a few months now. My therapist asked how my experience has been with our sessions and I just blanked. I actually don't remember what we discussed during our sessions. I know that we had weekly sessions. But I don't remember our conversations. It's been a recurring issue during therapy. I often can't remember things.

He also mentioned he feels like I haven't made progress due to me having difficulties feeling and expressing stuff. I feel sad that he feels that way. Maybe it's not visible to him, but I have been making progress. Before therapy, I never discussed how I felt deep inside. I never told anyone about my relationship issues. In my eyes, that's progress. What he sees is somebody that struggles so much with communication that I often can only answer his questions by nodding or shaking my head. But it's better than not communicating at all.

I'm sad that he thinks he hasn't helped me. He made me believe that some people can be trusted. He showed me that not everyone will hurt me. I'm not a disappointment to everyone. I am allowed to take up space. I deserve to feel better. I am enough. He never showed any kind of judgement, which helped me open up to other people. And I think this all is helping me get ready for a new therapist who is more specialized. I'm kinda scared for this next step. But he's also helped me realised that not all new things have to be bad and scary. Some are the start of something good.

I keep this all inside though. I don't know how to tell him this. And I'm sure I will have forgotten by the time our next session is.

I feel kind of sick. I have an appointment in like 2 hours. This whole week I was thinking about sharing some important suicidal thoughts/plans with him, and was committed to it. Now that it's the day of I'm just so nervous and second guessing saying anything. Part of me is thinking that if I tell him, it means I'm not serious, so why even bother telling him which I know isn't true and yet...

I'm afraid I'm going to walk in and just be like "Everything is fine!" or just go silent and be unable to say what I meant to. I also know I could write it down, but I don't even know what I would write.

Ahhhhhhhhhh. 😣😣😣 I guess this is mostly a vent, but any kind words or encouragement is much appreciated too :')

This is partially just venting but also asking for a bit of a reality check. A few sessions ago, my therapist said I might have a "victim mentality." This was hurtful, and I dont think it's true. When I brought this up next session, she apologized but said she did not recall saying that. A session later, she said she felt "stuck with me," which was also pretty hurtful. I know rupture and repair is a normal part of therapy, and sometimes therapists give us uncomfortable truths, but I'm considering ending therapy with her after these two things back to back.

I have been seeing a new therapist for 3 months and started doing EMDR. I’ve dealt with mild depression most of my life, with some bouts of more intense depression. In general it doesn’t get in the way of me getting through work or day to day life much.

Of course, this comes up in therapy. Last session my therapist said she couldn’t continue working with me if I don’t start taking an antidepressant. I guess I’m not improving fast enough? I’m not currently in the deep depression and am doing pretty well, esp with a few difficult things going on in my life right now…
I don’t want to take antidepressants for a few different reasons - she knows this. She said an alternative is ketamine therapy but it’s expensive and I can’t afford that.

This feels strange to me and I’m wondering if this is a common occurrence or not…it feels like I’ve been stranded alone from the one space I had to express this part of my life

I'm 21M, and I've been thinking about seeking therapy for a while now. There's something I've been struggling with emotionally for years, and it's started The thing is, I've never really been comfortable opening up to people about personal stuff. The idea of sitting across from someone I've never met and telling them things that I find embarrassing or difficult to talk about feels incredibly awkward. I know they're a professional and that this is literally their job, but that doesn't automatically make me comfortable with the idea.affecting other parts of my life too. I think I need help dealing with it instead of continuing to handle everything on my own.

Can therapy actually help for someone like me? How did u deal with the awkwardness?

I have seen my therapist off and on since 2019. We have had in person sessions and online sessions over the years. Right now we meet just online, but I don’t think I get as much out of it. Would it be odd if I ask if she is meeting people in person at the moment? I’m not sure why I feel so weird asking.

Tw: parental abuse

I (19f) had a therapy session today. I told my therapist some stuff from my childhood, mostly about some messaging I'd received from my family. For example, how any lies told would make it so I couldn't have a career, relationships, an education, or anything else - while factually true, this was said in a toxic way to a small child 3-13 years old. This messaging was so intense that I had a panic attack on Sunday after telling a lie to my bf, even though I confessed 15 minutes later and he wasn't upset.

There were also the lectures that went on for hours at any little mess up (this continued after 18). This was especially common with disobedience.

One time, after wetting the bed while awake, my parents forced me into my brother's diapers, and took pictures of me while I was screaming and crying. I had even tried to resist, but couldn't. Those pictures got sent to some family and friends. I was 7-9 when that happened.

I told my therapist about this, and after a bit of explaining on her end about the effects this would have on a child through the years, I asked if it was abuse. She said yes, emotionally and verbally.

I'd heard that from friends for years when I'd tell them snippets, and I didn't want to believe it. I love my family, and my parents have done so many good things - I wouldn't be the woman I am today without them. But I'm finally having to confront the fact that they did abuse me my entire childhood and after.

My therapist drew me a picture of healing and said that it's like I'm on one side of the ditch and I want to get to the other side but first I need to go into the ditch and climb up. And that will take work and effort and all that.

And I said "If I need to put in work and effort, why can't I just build a bridge? That might be more effort initially but now I can go freely and easily back and forth."

I just fundamentally don't get these analogies. If we're doing imaginary things anyway, I always feel like I come up with solutions that are more solution-y than what my therapist wants me to think.

I’ve never really discussed this with anyone, and I’m trying to make sense of what happened. I’m posting here because I’d appreciate some advice.

I used to attend counselling to work through my relationship with my mum, particularly codependency and sexual abuse. Looking back, I’m increasingly uncomfortable with some of the things that happened with my counsellor.

During one session, he told me I was his favourite client. Rather than making me feel reassured, I remember feeling pressured by it, as though I had to maintain that position. He also told me that he sometimes got sick of patients, which stayed in the back of my mind. I became increasingly anxious about whether he still enjoyed working with me or thought I was making progress.

He told me he had borderline personality disorder and suggested that I might have it too, despite being a counsellor rather than a psychiatrist. On another occasion, he suggested that I could have a session at his house, even though we normally met at the counselling institution. I declined. I also remember occasionally noticing a smell of weed when attending sessions, although I couldn’t establish where it was coming from (live in the UK).

At the time, I was discussing my codependency with my mum, but I began to feel that a similar dynamic was developing between me and my counsellor. I felt increasingly preoccupied with his opinion of me, became more anxious and distant, and worried that he was becoming tired of me. I remember raising the possibility of countertransference in one session, but I don’t feel that it helped.

There were also things he said that have stayed with me.

About two weeks after confronting my mum about sexual abuse, he was encouraging me to speak to her again. I was still processing everything, and looking back, I don’t understand why there seemed to be an emphasis on reconnecting so soon.

He also shamed me about my fawn response, which was something I was trying to understand and work through.

One memory that particularly hurts is breaking down in a session while talking about my mum sexually abusing me and my dad calling me the runt of the litter. I was crying and asking what I was supposed to do when neither of my parents loved me. His response was that they loved me.
I understand that he might have been trying to reassure me, but it didn’t sit right with me. I felt that the harm I’d experienced was being overlooked in favour of telling me how my parents supposedly felt. Whatever they might have felt internally, it didn’t change how their behaviour had affected me.

Eventually, I had a session in which I was genuinely panicking and discussing intimate sexual experiences I’d had on dating apps. The sessions had become increasingly tense, and I was very conscious of whether he was becoming frustrated with me. He called me a freak and told me to go home. I never attended another session after that, and I sent him a formal message that I no longer feel comfortable continuing therapy, without mentioning the last session or my reasons.

Later on, my anger and rumination got the better of me, and I sent an abusive message about the incident. I’m not proud of that response, and I’m willing to acknowledge my own behaviour, but I also don’t think it automatically makes everything that happened beforehand acceptable.

I left the institution a one-star Google review about a year ago. Only recently did I notice that they’d responded, saying they had no record of me attending and inviting me to contact them for a resolution. Seeing that response brought back a lot of memories.

What makes this difficult is that I’ve been afraid to discuss the experience with my current counsellor, who trained at the same institution. I’m worried she might see me differently or think I’m crazy if I tell her the whole story.

I’ve experienced people using my emotional reactions to dismiss what I’m saying before, and I think I’m frightened that my anxiety, my behaviour during the sessions, or the abusive message afterwards will be used to discredit my experience altogether.

I’m not claiming that I handled everything perfectly, and I can’t know exactly what my former counsellor intended. But looking back, I feel there were some serious problems with the boundaries and the way my distress was handled.
I’m struggling to understand whether this was an unhealthy therapeutic relationship, whether I was caught in a familiar codependent dynamic, or whether I’m only now seeing things differently because of how the relationship ended.

Like I said, just looking for some thoughtful advice about the situation, which would be much appreciated.

So I've been going to therapy for about a month and half now, and this is my 2nd attempt at going. I feel as if my therapist doesn't often take the care to remember previous sessions, as we often have to talk about things we have already gone over. Not just that, but I want to talk about some trauma from my past, but it's never really brought up. Not just that, but my mental health is so poor that i'm struggling to get back to work, an thus don't have the means to even pay for the therapy. (Thank gods for my mother and father, who have been helping out.)

This was condensed from a much longer journal entry with help, but the thoughts and feelings are my own.

I’m a software engineer with diagnosed ADHD, and I’m on medication. For the past three months I’ve been in therapy for ADHD, compulsive porn use, and recurring taboo sexual fantasies that I’ve been fighting for over five years. Most of my adhd symptoms are now well managed that atleast my work doesn't suffer anymore as often as it used to before.

My therapist has genuinely helped me. I carry far less shame than before, and my relationship with my mother is much better. I know she cares about me.

Lately, though, I’ve felt dismissed. I struggled to keep up with her homework, and when we discussed my relapses, she told me, “Sometimes not everything is clinical, it’s just laziness.” I don’t choose to relapse. A weak moment arrives, I tell myself I’ll just peek, and it spirals. If deciding not to were enough, I wouldn’t need therapy.

She’s also against blockers and between-session check-ins, because she wants me to become self-reliant. I understand that as a long-term goal, but right now I need outside structure.

I’m honest about where I am lazy. I avoid exercise because I hate it, and that’s a choice. Forgetting my medication isn’t. The thought simply never arrives.

When I told her I was considering a specialist, since I’m her first client with this kind of issue(uncontrollable sexual behaviors), she said I was free to go but immediately went on to remind me that she charges me less and lets sessions run over etc. It was very off-putting, i can't explain, I left feeling guilty for even asking.

For anyone who has been through this: How do you tell the difference between ADHD and laziness in yourself? And did external accountability help you?

For therapists: Is calling a compulsive relapse “laziness” ever helpful? And is it reasonable for me to look for a specialist who has helped someone with my specific issues before?

So I'm pretty new to DBT, about 2–3 months in. Before starting DBT, I was in CBT for about two years. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about DBT so far. Shockingly, I really enjoy group, but I can't say the same for my individual sessions.

I understand that individual DBT isn't traditional talk therapy and that sessions involve going over diary cards, doing chain analyses, and applying skills to different situations. However, I feel like I barely get to address any of my concerns. It honestly feels like I barely get to talk during sessions and spend most of the time listening to my therapist.

Again, I understand the importance of chain analyses, but I get really frustrated doing them. I struggle with remembering every single thing I did, felt, or said, often several days after the fact. I feel like so much time is spent doing chain analyses and reviewing skills that there's barely any time left to discuss what I'm actually struggling with.

I guess I expected at least some opportunity to talk through personal issues or situations during individual sessions. Instead, I feel like I actually get to talk more during group, which is really confusing to me.

Is this normal for individual DBT? I'm curious whether others have had similar experiences or if your individual sessions allow more time to talk through things. I understand that DBT is supposed to be structured, but I'm wondering if this is just something I need to adjust to or if there's supposed to be more of a balance.

​

Hi! i feel like this question is often asked, I'm judt a bit nervous. Before anyone asks- I am an adult, so I'm not really concerned about the "will my parents be called" part.

I'm seeing a therapist for the first time, she's great, but not really the point here.

I relapsed recently (today), had a session with her yesterday. I know I'm not obligated to tell her anything, but I genuinely do want to tell her. I'm just.. stumped. I don't know what I'd say. I struggle a lot with getting my feelings out (other thing we're working on, lol) so I figured I'd send her an email sometime before our next appointment. Is that appropriate? what should I even say?

I do want to clarify that it didn't have any suicidal intent because I am not in the mood to have crisis called on me 😭 I think that's also one of my issues with telling her. I do have the occasional suicidal ideation, but my self harm isnt some sort of attempt at all, and I don't want her to misunderstand that.

edit just to add: what should I expect? I've been given the basic advice all my life so I feel like I'll mentally check out if she does the usual "ground yourself and step out in the sun!!" (because the relapse was in fact after I had a nice calm sit in the sun and a nice conversation, I'm very impulsive)

Had my second session with a new therapist I tried seeing. I have not had good experiences with therapy in the past. But I had been feeling bad enough that I felt like I wanted to try again. I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking when I signed up. I think I told myself it was one last gamble. One last attempt at making it work. And if this didn’t, it would be my last time.

We have had two sessions so far. Neither are, like, intense work. Just general beginner stuff. I still leave feeling horrible. I feel like going to therapy wrecks me and wrecks my entire day. I feel horrible. Like I can’t breathe. I’m debating canceling. I don’t know if I can stomach doing this even one more time.

I wonder if the reason I keep signing up for therapy is mostly just masochism. If I go to continually feel this bad. If I go as a punishment for being mentally ill. I hate it, but I deserve it for being crazy. Because it will eventually make me not crazy. Torture now for the greater good later. It will be worth it to be fixed. You have to break people first in order to fix them.

I know what people say about therapy. “It’s supposed to be uncomfortable.” “It’s supposed to hurt.” “It has to get worse before it gets better.” “The discomfort is part of the process.” “The pain is motivating you to get better and recover and stop having to go.” “If you hate your therapist, that’s a sign they’re going to be a good therapist eventually.”

But it can’t be like this. Not like this. Not for everyone. Otherwise no one would ever go. Unless it is like this for everyone. And I’m just fragile. More fragile than everyone else. It will get better eventually. And I’m just not strong enough to wait until it does the way everyone else can. I can have how everyone else talks about liking their therapist and loving therapy. If only I wasn’t so fragile that just two sessions is enough to make me quit.

I wish I knew. I wish I knew what therapy felt like for others. I can’t read their minds. I only know how it feels for me.

I had 3 session in therapy nd I started liking therapy. I was too anexious initially but when talk him I feel so calm now I worried my therapy session get less frequent I m gonna miss him lot.

I'm 38 and I've had 21 different job contracts, not counting volunteering. I left my family home at 16 because of a dysfunctional household (more loving than many, no doubt) and i've moved more than 15 times since then. I've been telling myself over the years that I don't need to stay in a job I don't like, or be in a place i don't like, or study a course that i don't like, or keep friends i don't like, and that all of these things were my choice (which i take responsibility for).
As I am getting older, I don't feel that the same pattern can be sustainable for a future that my partner can believe in - she is definitely expressing more and more her need, indeed, requirement, for stability and security moving forward.
Any advice about how i could approach this topic with a professional, and what kind of therapy might be the 'go to', as I am not financially flush enough to try everything!
Thank you in advance

Context: Ive been in therapy for a few months now and recently started meds. I've always been really anxious and I still am in sessions because for some reason i feel shame about it. I often feel like I don't actually need therapy and what Im feeling is normal or not a big deal. I haven't ever brought this up but i recently just got a vitamin D test and found out I am severely deficient. For some reason this is making me think a lot about if i even need all of this and its just because of a vitamin deficiency, since the symptoms overlap (depression and derealization). I also haven't been able to share any trauma, I've experienced because of the reporting law's in my state and i cant afford that risk currently. i would love to know what you guys think and what you think i should do?

I had a crisis over a few days. My spouse left with my kids because of it. She has a roi with my therapist and they were in contact with each other during the crisis as i was also in contact with my therapist. She advised my spouse not to leave but she went against her advice which caused me to decompensate and my therapist was worried all weekend i wouldnt get through the crisis. Because of that she told my spouse no more communication. She said it triggered her and she was too involved with my family. 

Now it feels like the relationship might change and feels like she took a step back from me instead of just asking not to communicate with my spouse. Sometimes im so shut down that my spouse would send an update about my weekend or what triggered me and it would help having them know. She would explain to her what was a trauma response and coach her in supporting me.  The relationship and roi was just for supporting me. That's gone on for years and when it abruptly was told it had to stop my spouse is feeling helpless too. Im worried my therapist who i trust so much doesnt like my spouse anymore. 

Did we do something wrong? 

Today was my first session with a therapist I booked and it didn't go bad but I just really don't have a good feeling about receiving the care I need and the cost was concealed until the first session and ended up being much higher than I estimated. At the end of the session she asked when I would next be available, which she then booked me for, but now I just really want to cancel before I spend any more money. How should I go about this?

How would I know it’s time to find a different therapist? I’ve been seeing my therapist for a year and a half. He’s the only therapist I’ve been to and I’m feeling a bit stuck. The funny thing is I’m seeing him because I feel stuck in life but think things have stalled a bit. The recurring advice is love yourself, be less hard on yourself, take a class, go work out, do something nice for yourself you’ll enjoy. These are all great but if it were that easy I would have just done those things. I have motivation issues, I don’t enjoy doing anything and I feel very insecure. I’m wondering if switching therapists might help me dive deeper.