I didn’t have therapy this week as I had medical stuff but I have therapy next week and I have to ask this. If I ask my therapist to make sure his phone and laptop are off before we start the session next week will he ask why? Do therapists listen to requests like that? This isn’t a normal request from me. Normally I don’t care. I just really don’t want the devices on. I want them off like mine will be. I have my reasons.
Edit: this isn’t for anything malicious. I am concerned for my safety. Very bad things have been happening to me and I don’t want to give them anymore ammo.

Im 15f under a CAMHS psychologist. I have very severe OCD due to an inflammatory brain disorder called PANS, and I have recently experienced a return in a compulsion where I feel the need to harm myself, leading to a relapse. We have begun to talk about OCD but never about my extensive history of self harm and never about this compulsion. It is NSSI and the wounds are always self manageable.

It is very important for my wellbeing my parents don't find out. That would and has ended very badly. I know I should ask her but I don't know how to integrate it into sessions (we generally are more laughy and I try to steer clear from heavy topics and sessions, though upcoming will be a big one on OCD).

Any advice would be appreciated. I think she should know but I'm super worried about what will happen.

(Side note- safety risk is maybe slightly higher as I have reduced feeling in the area I do it in meaning it is harder to assess for injury)

I’m curious to hear other people’s experiences and whether this is fairly standard practice in therapy.

I had a session scheduled this week and finished work a little early, so I went for a beer across the street while waiting for my appointment. My therapist happened to see me drinking it and told me when I arrived for my appointment that she couldn’t conduct the session because I’d had a pint.

I’d only had one beer, wasn’t intoxicated, and genuinely had no idea that this would mean the session couldn’t go ahead.

For context, we’d previously discussed cannabis use after I disclosed that I’d smoked before an earlier session. She made it clear that this wasn’t acceptable, which I understood and respected. I’ve since stopped using cannabis altogether. However, we hadn’t specifically discussed alcohol and there is no policy on their website about consuming alcohol before a session (although I appreciate there are professional boundaries and being intoxicated at therapy is not okay, or should be explored).

I was just quite surprised that a single drink, without any apparent impairment, resulted in an immediate cancellation. I was also really upset and ashamed. Felt like I’d been scolded like I’d done something really terrible, even though it was just an innocent drink and I don’t have a drinking problem. I have adhd,low self-esteem, chronic people pleasing tendencies and depression, so you can imagine this has sent me into a bit of an emotional spiral (hence the post).

I emailed afterwards asking for clarification and whether the session fee could be waived, given that I wasn’t aware of the policy. She suggested discussing it at our next session and establishing a clearer therapeutic agreement, but tbc on whether the fee will be waived.

I’m wondering:
1. Is it common for therapists to have a strict zero-alcohol policy, regardless of whether someone is intoxicated?
2. Should this have been communicated explicitly beforehand?
3. Is it reasonable to ask for the fee to be waived in these circumstances?

I’m not trying to challenge her right to set boundaries and certainly won’t do it again, just genuinely interested in whether this is a typical approach and how other therapists might have handled it.

I have been seeing a new therapist for 3 months and started doing EMDR. I’ve dealt with mild depression most of my life, with some bouts of more intense depression. In general it doesn’t get in the way of me getting through work or day to day life much.

Of course, this comes up in therapy. Last session my therapist said she couldn’t continue working with me if I don’t start taking an antidepressant. I guess I’m not improving fast enough? I’m not currently in the deep depression and am doing pretty well, esp with a few difficult things going on in my life right now…
I don’t want to take antidepressants for a few different reasons - she knows this. She said an alternative is ketamine therapy but it’s expensive and I can’t afford that.

This feels strange to me and I’m wondering if this is a common occurrence or not…it feels like I’ve been stranded alone from the one space I had to express this part of my life

I think my therapist is at the end of his rope having come to understand that he can't help me. I was so embarrassed when I realized he wasn't reserving Wednesday evenings for me but just once because I was struggling. I told him how grateful and sad I was at the same time for "getting my way" and had to infer the next week that I misunderstood his kindness. I never brought it up.

Recently his empty office chair was facing me and I tossed a couch pillow into it thinking it would be unremarkable enough after two and a half years. I thought an empty chair is lonely so why not fill it?

I thought an empty chair wouldn't mind

For a few sessions at his old office there were no tissues on the side table though usually there was a box I could reach for. When I finally cried and asked where they were he stood up to give me a box from his bookshelf that had been in front of the title The Empty Core by Jeffrey Seinfeld. It felt intentional, I already read it front to back. I felt strange about it. I still feel strange about it.

I thought someone training to be a psychoanalyst would be different. I realize I'm too sensitive for a deeper treatment but sessions hurt so much that that period in between is unbearable and I don't understand why it hurts. Or why I'm not good enough or easy enough to be seen three times a week.

I bought a fifth of Everclear Monday, I hadn't bought anything from a liquor store in years. I never seriously self harmed until some weeks ago out of curiosity if someone so old is actually capable of it. When he told me he was moving to a different office I said I tried to hang myself once. I get it was attention seeking and I'm sorry. But I also wish someone cared that when I was in a dark place years ago I did try to hang myself and it would have been successful if I wasn't a coward. He didn't want to talk about it the same way he didn't want to talk about how I threw the pillow.

Don't hang yourself. Don't throw the pillow. From the therapist who can muster the words "I love you"

I love my therapist but I can't bear this pain. I can't bear the loneliness between and the emptiness and longing that follow sessions. I don't know what to do. I'm just really sad.

Hi, I'm wondering if this is a situation that others have experienced before... I honestly don't know how to respond to this.

When I first got in touch with this therapist, the first thing I asked was if she had availability for 2x appts a week, one for trauma reprocessing but also one for talk therapy on top, as I am what is classified as 'in crisis' and I feel I need the extra support. She said yes, she would be happy to do this for me. For about a month this was our arrangement, and I felt like this allowed me to cope with what was going on in my life.

One day out of the blue she texted me, saying she needed to reduce our appointments to once a week; she stated the reason for this decision was because her practice was "getting busy". I am NOT an assertive person, so this took guts on my part, but I reached out to her and said I respect that she is getting busy and wants to focus on other clients, but I feel I need to have that second appointment, that I don't feel like I can cope without it. She replied that one appointment is fine, and again alluded to the fact that she has other clients that she would like to focus on.

So I messaged her back, basically being fully assertive now, asking to be able to please have the two appointments we agreed on originally as I feel I need them. She told me "you don't need it when you're doing reprocessing work" Then I asked if I could at least see a counsellor on top of the reprocessing we were doing, because I really needed someone to talk to. She said she would get back to me, and then when she returned, she said no - that it isn't good practice to see two therapists at the same time. She assured me again that I don't need the second appointment and that I'd be fine. End of conversation.

Now, I don't know how I'm supposed to react to this. Is this her way of getting rid of me as a client without dropping me? I am relatively new to therapy, and I am aware that she has more experience with therapy than I do so I don't want to tell her what she should be doing, but at the same time, my needs are my needs. I was *not* high functioning at all in the sessions we had - I was very visibly struggling to cope, even with the appointments we had - so that couldn't be the reason.

Now I am on the cancellation list indefinitely, and whenever I respond (sometimes within 20min) it's already taken. Next available appointment is in 2 months' time. How does one go from having space for 2 sessions a week, to zero? I'm looking into seeing someone else, but what happened here? Am I being unreasonable by pushing my point? I am looking elsewhere for therapy now, but in the meantime I would appreciate any input as this has messed me up a bit,

Hi! I just made a separate post about my therapist saying, early session, "this relationship is transactional". These are just my feelings I wrote down to "get them out". I might share some version of it, verbally, with my therapist in a week-- I would not send this as a letter (and it's unfinished/raw). Just seeing if anyone else might have the same reaction/and I am clarifying how it actually "landed". Again, he is a great therapist and we will work it out.:

I'm 💯 not sending this. I'm writing because that's how I process best, most of the time.

(Therapist), I'm not saying it's your fault or that I know your intentions behind the word choice you used this last session. Putting that all aside, my brain got triggered into a sort of paranoia. When I heard the phrase "this relationship is mostly transactional" I honestly almost just shut down and cried. It's not because I do not believe the relationship is transactional. It is. It's a professional service, provided by a licensed clinician, with ethics and boundaries and contracted limits. The provider makes a living, the client leaves with skills and with understanding their own desires and direction. I get that. My problem is that I had an emotional reaction to the sterile, clinical phrasing and the timing of its usage. Couple reasons for that.

1). I recently divulged limerence in my past. Whether you mean to or not, I've felt the pendulum swing to Uber tight boundaries. Which is actually fine with me, as long as I know the boundary before I cross it. But it also compounds my shame. I told you I was embarrassed by that. I told you that you were not the object of it. So to be treated weirdly and then told the relationship is transactional shortly after -- it feels like I messed up by trusting you with that info. Now I'm a crazy borderline who can't be trusted. Been there, done that-- and we had seemed to agree that borderline doesn't even fit for me.

2). I just poured my fucking heart out to you over a few sessions to give you a bigger picture. I told you one of my biggest early traumas, and then a quick turn around of "this relationship is transactional" feels like "so what, you are a paycheck". If that's true, I've made a mistake

3). My side of the transaction comes with real risk, and ALSO the paranoid risk that is in my head from medical trauma with my kiddo. I'm sharing sensitive stuff with you. I don't do that easily. If you aren't actually invested in the client well-being, we've all seen how providers abuse the resources they have. CPS, interfering in marriages, etc. Providers make those reports based on what benefits their side of the transaction and it's not considered unethical unless the person with less power can prove they are being punitive. If the provider has no benefit or investment besides paying their bills-- why would a client not be super, super careful of what they say.

4). You just introduced the concept of: just being a "thing to be used" (in regards to my intimacy issues with my husband). And offered resiliency techniques to cope. That's basically what I felt like when you said that. "You are just a thing, readily replaced, that I use for income and career development, nothing more". Juxtaposed against my real effort to "share" recently, it made me feel very unsafe and stupid.

We work well together, but I'm putting a pause on anything and everything that looks like a relational therapy relationship and we are doing basic life skills for now, that's what my side of the paid transaction is requiring. Nothing more.

-- if you read all that, thank you, lol. I'm just crashing out. I do this in waves. By the time I get to my next appointment, I will have this worked out to a bullet point list that is much less passionate/more easily addressed. And he is skilled at what he does (even if he doesn't care, lol). We will work it out. Just wanted to show my "why". Thanks again, reddit!

I think I posted on here it could’ve been the other therapist one. Anyway it’s clear I need specialized therapy. I am poor. I still make too much to qualify for Medi-Cal and stuff. My insurance is shit. All the specialized therapists I have contacted are quoting me even on a sliding scale at least 80 dollars a session.

I truly do not understand how people with really fucked up issues are getting help. Are they just all rich? I guess I really am just supposed to die off like a crab or something lol. It‘s honestly funny at this point.

There is a person who had a great inpact in my life when i was having a really bad time, he helped me so much and i admire him a lot because he reprents a lot who i want to be in life. I used to have a dependence on him because when i was with him it was the only moment i felt safe and also i learned a lot because of him, he was like my mentor. It wasnt healthy because i was always waiting to the next time i could see him and it was not good for me to do that. Last time i saw him was like two years ago because i moved to study and we stoped crossing paths, we kept talking the first months, but then not much. I still mis him sometimes and i kinda feel ashamed about it because i think i shouldnt miss him that much. I dont know if i should keep talking to them and everything, in part because i am scared of bothering him and because i dont know if its good. Now i am a lot better mentally, but i still think of him as a mentor that i admire and want to learn from. If i should forget him, is there any tip on how to do it?

I'm in psychodynamic therapy long term, and OCD is one of the manifestations of my childhood crap. As we dig deeper and start trying to talk to younger parts etc, I increasingly find that OCD (which is a whirlpool of fear) pushes itself to the forefront. I haven't cried for years and everything is suppressed, and when I start trying to feel, I either dissociate or get intrusive thoughts. Anyway, for the most part in my four years with my therapist, I have very seldom mentioned my OCD. I will say "my OCD hasn't been great, but I don't want to give power to it by talking about it in here". However this month is the anniversary of my Mum's death and with the inner child work too, I feel like I did as a teenager. My thoughts unravelling and grasping onto scenario after scenario of me being intrisically bad, me hurting people, the future being dark and scary. And I feel like talking about some examples of this and how it made me feel as a kid and how that's still there now, is necessary to make sense of the full picture. I'm aware it makes me look kind of crazy. I know that when you talk to someone for four years and they suddenly bring up really bizarre fears that you know didn't exist a week ago and now have taken over their minds so you can't reason with them, I dno. It just doesn't make sense. And it's always taboo. I never like going there. But I think I can trust her not to offer reassurance or solutions etc. I'm hoping it can just be raised objectively. Does this seem a good idea/necessary? What do others with OCD do?

Today my therapist took 20 min extra in session. Because at last I share something nd he has to take some questions to asses it. I feel so good that he did that but same time I feel bad he has to give extra 20 min......what did you think

Hi! First of all, I love the work I'm doing with my therapist and the autonomy he is slowly helping me find in my everyday life.

Today, he said "this relationship is mostly transactional". I spent the rest of the session trying not to cry.

On principle, I agree. And, just prior, we were talking about a different and an important/deep relationship that should be more "relational". So there was context. And-- I messed up. I told him a few sessions ago about limerance I had experienced (NOT him!!!!!!), and he has been weird ever since.

Yes, therapy is a paid service and limited to the time you are together and "one-way", but it's also relational and you hope they care a little. It really hurt for some reason. I struggle to trust and find balance, anyway. Even instead saying: "this relationship is professional/has contracted boundaries and expectations/ serves a specific purpose for both parties" would have felt better than----- transactional? His style is clinical, psycho educational, and mostly detached-- but it still hurts and IDK why.

Any thoughts?

Edit for context: He is truly a great therapist and I am truly horrible at interpreting, categorizing, and engaging in relationships in general. Just prior to him saying that, he was helping me explore if a hurtful relationship is possibly purely transactional (and what it would "cost" to change it). I think it (calling therapy mostly transactional) slipped out because he is a social work professor and is used to "teaching". He works hard to keep himself emotionally detached appropriately and safely, he works with high risk populations. Still, my whole mind is spinning. Do I trust him too much? Do I pull back now? If he doesn't care, should I think even more carefully about how much I risk in sharing? All these thoughts. We will work it out, but it really, really hurt. My hurt is just growing and my thought is: my side of the transaction includes real risk. If he doesn't see it as careful relationship that is relational-- how can I trust him with very sensitive material.

My therapist drew me a picture of healing and said that it's like I'm on one side of the ditch and I want to get to the other side but first I need to go into the ditch and climb up. And that will take work and effort and all that.

And I said "If I need to put in work and effort, why can't I just build a bridge? That might be more effort initially but now I can go freely and easily back and forth."

I just fundamentally don't get these analogies. If we're doing imaginary things anyway, I always feel like I come up with solutions that are more solution-y than what my therapist wants me to think.

Hello girls, do you want to talk to boys? Just like question & Answer...

Wrote this for my therapist and dont know where to go from here.

I had 3 session in therapy nd I started liking therapy. I was too anexious initially but when talk him I feel so calm now I worried my therapy session get less frequent I m gonna miss him lot.

I'm 21M, and I've been thinking about seeking therapy for a while now. There's something I've been struggling with emotionally for years, and it's started The thing is, I've never really been comfortable opening up to people about personal stuff. The idea of sitting across from someone I've never met and telling them things that I find embarrassing or difficult to talk about feels incredibly awkward. I know they're a professional and that this is literally their job, but that doesn't automatically make me comfortable with the idea.affecting other parts of my life too. I think I need help dealing with it instead of continuing to handle everything on my own.

Can therapy actually help for someone like me? How did u deal with the awkwardness?

Today was my first session with a therapist I booked and it didn't go bad but I just really don't have a good feeling about receiving the care I need and the cost was concealed until the first session and ended up being much higher than I estimated. At the end of the session she asked when I would next be available, which she then booked me for, but now I just really want to cancel before I spend any more money. How should I go about this?

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if a psychologist would have to call emergency services if they believe I'm unsafe to go home alone at the end of a session?

For the record, I've been feeling increasingly suicidal and I'm seeing my psychologist on Tuesday.

I've seen him since January, so I feel very relaxed with him and I'm going to be honest about it all. I'm just really desperate at the moment. We both know I've been rejected from 12 different psychiatric centres and I'm so overwhelmed with it all.

I want to give her something to say thankyou. I drafted this to paint for her before Christmas as I’m going away.

1. would she accept it?

2. for clients and Ts what have you given / received ? and Ts have you kept it or thrown it away?

Context: Ive been in therapy for a few months now and recently started meds. I've always been really anxious and I still am in sessions because for some reason i feel shame about it. I often feel like I don't actually need therapy and what Im feeling is normal or not a big deal. I haven't ever brought this up but i recently just got a vitamin D test and found out I am severely deficient. For some reason this is making me think a lot about if i even need all of this and its just because of a vitamin deficiency, since the symptoms overlap (depression and derealization). I also haven't been able to share any trauma, I've experienced because of the reporting law's in my state and i cant afford that risk currently. i would love to know what you guys think and what you think i should do?

I have seen my therapist off and on since 2019. We have had in person sessions and online sessions over the years. Right now we meet just online, but I don’t think I get as much out of it. Would it be odd if I ask if she is meeting people in person at the moment? I’m not sure why I feel so weird asking.

I feel like Ts cop alot of negativity here but there are some really fantastic ones out there.
I honestly love mine so much and feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with her. I’ve just come out of a session I was really nervous to go into. She’s so understanding, reassuring and I truly feel like she cares. when I’m telling her things she listens intently and can see the emotion on her face. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her just how much I appreciate her.

She holds her boundaries and I know it’s for my own good which makes me even more appreciative of her. She told me it’s safer to experience this attachment to her in this space rather than on the outside, with someone who might not truly have my best interest in mind and that made me trust her even more.

Tw: parental abuse

I (19f) had a therapy session today. I told my therapist some stuff from my childhood, mostly about some messaging I'd received from my family. For example, how any lies told would make it so I couldn't have a career, relationships, an education, or anything else - while factually true, this was said in a toxic way to a small child 3-13 years old. This messaging was so intense that I had a panic attack on Sunday after telling a lie to my bf, even though I confessed 15 minutes later and he wasn't upset.

There were also the lectures that went on for hours at any little mess up (this continued after 18). This was especially common with disobedience.

One time, after wetting the bed while awake, my parents forced me into my brother's diapers, and took pictures of me while I was screaming and crying. I had even tried to resist, but couldn't. Those pictures got sent to some family and friends. I was 7-9 when that happened.

I told my therapist about this, and after a bit of explaining on her end about the effects this would have on a child through the years, I asked if it was abuse. She said yes, emotionally and verbally.

I'd heard that from friends for years when I'd tell them snippets, and I didn't want to believe it. I love my family, and my parents have done so many good things - I wouldn't be the woman I am today without them. But I'm finally having to confront the fact that they did abuse me my entire childhood and after.

I've been in therapy for a few months now. My therapist asked how my experience has been with our sessions and I just blanked. I actually don't remember what we discussed during our sessions. I know that we had weekly sessions. But I don't remember our conversations. It's been a recurring issue during therapy. I often can't remember things.

He also mentioned he feels like I haven't made progress due to me having difficulties feeling and expressing stuff. I feel sad that he feels that way. Maybe it's not visible to him, but I have been making progress. Before therapy, I never discussed how I felt deep inside. I never told anyone about my relationship issues. In my eyes, that's progress. What he sees is somebody that struggles so much with communication that I often can only answer his questions by nodding or shaking my head. But it's better than not communicating at all.

I'm sad that he thinks he hasn't helped me. He made me believe that some people can be trusted. He showed me that not everyone will hurt me. I'm not a disappointment to everyone. I am allowed to take up space. I deserve to feel better. I am enough. He never showed any kind of judgement, which helped me open up to other people. And I think this all is helping me get ready for a new therapist who is more specialized. I'm kinda scared for this next step. But he's also helped me realised that not all new things have to be bad and scary. Some are the start of something good.

I keep this all inside though. I don't know how to tell him this. And I'm sure I will have forgotten by the time our next session is.