I’m 36. I posted previously about struggling after my relationship of nine years ended, but things have become considerably worse.

**I’ve now had a community mental health team assessment.** It went reasonably well, and they said they would contact me by phone or letter, but gave no timeframe. I’m waiting without knowing when I’ll hear anything or what support might follow.

This goes much deeper than the breakup. My stepdad abused me as a child, and my mum allowed it to happen. I was beaten and told to stay out of the way because nobody wanted to see me, that nobody loved or cared about me and nobody ever would. I was called a “waste of skin.” I first remember wanting to die when I was eight.

My stepdad later died in an accident. Then my mum died—I found her dead one morning. Over the years, the other important family figures in my life have died too.

**My partner was with me through all those losses. Now she’s gone as well.** I’ve lost the person who shared that history with me and was there while my family disappeared.

My brother is my only real family support, but he lives around two and a half hours away. He has a happy, settled life: very few working hours for great pay, an expensive home, regular holidays, outings, love and enjoyment. The contrast with my life hurts. We speak, but I still have no friends, no local support network and nowhere I feel I can go and belong.

My ex was my best friend. We spoke throughout every day and shared the same humour, interests and routines. Despite the relationship’s problems, I expected us to spend our lives together. After she left, there were months of hope about reconciliation before it finally ended.

Nearly a year later, I still cannot adjust to nobody waiting for me, asking when I’ll be home or what we’re having for tea. Everything feeds into the old feeling that people die or leave and that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me.

I have a current partner, but when I’m with her, I can’t settle or enjoy being there. The humour, conversation and connection all get compared with what I lost. She hasn’t done anything wrong, and I feel guilty, but being in another relationship hasn’t stopped me feeling desperately alone. It’s just not as effortless as 9 years with someone

The rumination is relentless: memories, guilt, regret and endless questions about what I could have done differently. It starts when I wake up. Nightmares and panic attacks mean sleep isn’t much of an escape either.

I’m using work to avoid home. This week I’ve been leaving at 05:30 and not getting back before 21:30. Finishing earlier doesn’t feel like a relief—the longer I’m alone in the house, the worse my thoughts become and the less safe I feel. I stay away at weekends for the same reason.

**The house needs cleaning, decorating and other work, but I struggle to tolerate being there long enough to do it. Moving isn’t an option: I’m stuck there until at least 2030.** I can’t afford paid help. My one day off is supposed to contain shopping, housework, unfinished renovations and enough rest to survive another working week. I don’t have a social no life.

I barely eat, my hygiene and self-care have deteriorated, and I feel exhausted from simply being conscious.

**My suicidal thoughts have become more serious. Today I’ve been unsure I can keep myself safe when I get home.** Things have worsened since the assessment.

Has anyone experienced this combination of
childhood abuse, repeated bereavement, relationship loss and isolation? What support actually helped when you were barely functioning?

If you’ve been through the UK mental health system, how did you get an urgent response when you deteriorated while waiting after an assessment? I need meaningful help and connection, and I don’t know how to get from here to a life I can tolerate.

With the Christmas period fast approaching I have ZERO intention of being here for it

I (17F) saw a camhs psychiatrist last month, the appointment went positively and she told me to expect a letter following the next steps. Two letters arrived, one addressed to me and one addressed to my parents. I opened both, with permission from my mum who was at work at the time. Mine contained nothing but a time and date for my next appointment, but theirs had a whole bunch of stuff about the appointment before including how they suspect I have bipolar disorder along with a mood tracker. Why wasn’t that letter addressed to me? Why wasn’t it even mentioned to me? I already struggle a lot with paranoid thoughts and now I’m worried about what is discussed behind my back. I also don’t think that I’m bipolar so I’m very confused.

I think I just need reassurance from people taking lamotrigine. I have a mood disorder and after being on antipsychotics for years and having bad side effects I’ve been weaned off them. I’m meant to start lamotrigine today but after reading the leaflet on it I’m a bit scared. I read it could possibly give you meningitis symptoms and other rare diseases, I was hospital with meningitis 2 years ago and it was terrifying and extremely painful so I’m worried about that being a possibility. I’m going away for work for the next week and I don’t know whether to just wait until I’m back to start the lamotrigine (this would mean being on nothing but prn meds so that’s scary too)

Looking for success stories I guess!

Had my first (post assessment) appointment with my CPN this morning and we decided a hospital stay would be beneficial. Unfortunately there’s no space available until Monday so I’m gonna be stuck thinking about it all weekend and I’m already getting anxious. What can I expect when I go in (I’m in Scotland if that makes a difference).

Up until 5am yesterday I had been awake for a lovely 48 hours… no sleep

Around 1am I started having visual hallucinations and yeah, uh oh. I had a breakup last week (it was mutual and im not sad about it) but probably adding stress. Week before that I was out on tour in mainland EU doing merch and photos for a band, in which I slept very little. So I guess maybe this is no big surprise, but has gone a bit from 0-100 lol.

I did what I’ve always been told, call 111 option 2. My guy told me to have a shower. I already did earlier that and I’m not really sure how that’s going to stop me from being terrified about the woman who is standing in my living room.

Anyway, got a few hours sleep. Woke up at 9 and thought yeah sweet, I slept! Didn’t feel the need to call anyone as I assumed it would all pass now.

Well, still feels like I want to crawl out my own skin from being energised. Racing thoughts etc etc.

Called my bestie and she was like GIRL you need to call them again and get something proper for sleep. Long story short, no help. Would rather pull my own eyeballs out than go to A&E so that’s not an option, on my own volition.

All I have here is zolpidem and it made me hallucinate last time soooo not sure that’s the best idea but at this point, could be a lose lose.

This is likely my stupid ass fault for thinking all would be fine after 4 hours sleep. Don’t know if anyone else has been in the same situation before cos I need something to knock me tf out before I’m on a one way ticket to lala land (I’ve had sleep deprivation psychosis before, and obviously I have this bipolar diagnosis anyway).

I wanted to see if anyone had any advice or a similar experience .

Basically, for the past 2 years my mental health has gotten worse. I opened up to my psych and said that I’m hearing voices , clear as day , and that they are more frequent than before. They can be rude or sometimes non sensical. I also get images in my mind telling me or showing me to do something and if I don’t then bad things will happen. These by far are the worst as they genuinely scare me.

I have times where I feel much better but my thoughts then flip over into being very fast and almost can jump from one to next so fast that I can’t even process them. I see flashing images in my mind like a slide show moving very quickly when I’m in this state.

I told my psych this , she said it’s part of my condition ( bpd ) and it’s because I wasn’t taking my meds properly for a while. She said something along the lines of this is normal for me and that I need to take my meds. I told her this is not normal for me, hence why I’m mentioning it to her as I’ve noticed things are getting worse but she said come back in 3 months for a review .

I feel that they are using my bpd as an excuse to not take this seriously . I take Quetiapine 100mg but that dose is to help me sleep. When I told her I was up for 4 days straight writing non stop she told me that again that’s just because I have bpd ? It’s made me feel that I should just give up asking for help and just hope this doesn’t get worse.

Complete the induction form HERE

I’ve been struggling this week with the realisation that I’ve been depressed and passively suicidal for a few years due to the struggles of moving across the world, and a crumbling marriage on top of that.

I’ve been struggling for days.

Went to A&E for a wildly racing heart, went 48 hours with barely any sleep, I’ve been numb and hazy and sad.

Today at work I looked up helplines, saw Samaritans, picked up my courage, and dialed the number.

I got through in about two minutes and a woman named Mary picked up the phone.

She was wonderful. I cried and cried and told her all about my troubles and she ofc gave me no answers to them, but she was a friendly and understanding local ear and she really helped me process my turbulent feelings. I felt very very alone, but she made me feel heard.

I’d call again in a heartbeat and very likely will.

Thank you, Mary ❤️

Is it possible to ever learn to cope with cptsd in a healthy way? They won’t give me trauma therapy because I’m not stable enough to deal with it because I’m self harming and have suicidal thoughts etc. but I don’t understand how I’m ever meant to get stable if nothing is processed and I’m stuck in the past all the time? Tried 3 kinds of antidepressants which haven’t worked, currently waiting to start a 4th but no one seems to know what to do with me

i’m not officially diagnosed or anything, i had my first introductory counselling session yesterday and it went well.
I’m on a 4 week waitlist to go with my uni’s mental health team, they did give me the option to go with a charity that has a shorter waitlist but they advised me that due to my complicated background that i stay with them as they have more resources.

It’s 4 sessions a semester with the uni (2 semesters), but they did say that if they think i needed more support, they’ll refer me to something more consistent.
But they did say that every semester i’m welcome to come back even during final year.

They said that i very likely could have anxiety, i don’t like to use those terms because i don’t want to come across as a larper 😭🙏

but basically, i feel like it’s getting worse just this feeling of constant stress and overwhelm.
I missed out on an important uni field trip that contributes to an assignment that weighs 50% today because i got up this morning and this wave of just massive stress just came over me and it was like my chest tightened and my heart was pounding and i couldn’t breathe
i was stressing out about how if i did go, where do i go, looking on my uni’s online portal about instructions on where to go (it was only car park details) and i started to think about what if i can’t find them, what if i get lost, what if i waste the whole day looking for them.

i’m missing out on joining the societies i want to join because i start thinking too much about looking like a weirdo, what if i mishear someone and reply with the wrong thing back to them and they think im weird.

I nearly got struck off with my new part time job last week because i got locked out and couldn’t bear the idea of standing in front of the door for ages because what if they think im weird for doing that, what if theres an easier way and i should’ve known about that and im incompetent for not knowing.

and now, i have severe eczema, waiting to on a waitlist to see a dermatologist but my eczema is spreading to my hands and fingers because im constantly washing my hands, i don’t know why im doing it but im constantly washing them because i think about a science show i watched as a kid where they did an experiment with people washing their hands. They used a petri dish showing the bacteria if you dont wash your hands properly and idk why but its in my mind a lot.

I asked for help months ago and I had an initial assessment - I wasn’t fully honest about my thoughts and feelings so maybe they put me lower on their priority list?? Idk

Anyway, I feel like I’m not going to get help anymore. I was worried that I might’ve missed an important call or email but I’m pretty sure I haven’t.
They haven’t sent me any updates, which has been making me feel hopeless about getting helped.

This shit is hard and I can’t get out of this depression by myself :( I really want help

Am I supposed to do something? Was I supposed to call/email them again or something?

If anyone can reassure me or give me advice on how to get seen sooner that would be super appreciated!

So like I was prescribed fluoxetine in like 2024 and I just stopped taking them after a while cuz I couldn’t bother and I moved away to a new city for uni so no one really checked up on me and for the past couple of months? Like 2-3 months I’ve been like tired all the time I’m sleeping all the time skipping all my classes and just not be able to do anything and also having suicidal thoughts? But like it’s just thoughts and I probably won’t do it

I also keep imagining stuff like if I get really sick physically or died everyone around me will be taking care of me and being sad for me which kinda made me felt better? But idk cuz I do think it is very weird to think about stuff like this
I just wish someone can realise I’m like struggling? But I also don’t want anyone to know because I feel really ashamed about it and I think it’s just because I’m really lazy

I feel like maybe I need to speak to my gp about it but I just feel like I’m being lazy and just want an excuse to justify my laziness?

Sorry it might be a bit messy reading this

NSFW: suicidal ideation, self harm mentions

A bit of context: Im 18, I really don’t think there is a solution so I have no idea why Im posting this

I have struggled in my life in various ways that get brushed off but also had some more serious persistent struggles. I repeatedly sought out therapy, mentoring or counseling in uni since I can’t afford it.

Just today I had an initial intake assessment appointment. The lady asked me all kinds of personal questions, including about si and sh (both of which I have deep history with). My usual trauma response is to laugh so guess what I did (yeah)

So she looks me straight in the eyes with a stern look and goes “Do you even want to be here?”. Im sat there dumbfounded. “where exactly?” (we just talked about me not wanting to exist).
“Because you know you don’t have to be here”.

At this point I was just full blown having intrusive thoughts about how I do have to be here for two people in my life. And so I just dashed out of the room.

I wish I wrote this for fanfiction but no (fuck my life)

And I still can’t do lectures and assignments cuz I can’t concentrate. I don’t know how to exist in my head peacefully enough to just retain anything.
I think I’m going to fail this year. And if I do I won’t be able to retake it cuz of legal matters lol
Im soo fuckign screwed fuck me

Anyways
If anybody has experience or advice, PLEASE send it in please thank you so much

Suffered depression for as long as I can remember. 45 now and my first memories of it are from 8-9 years old (at the time didn't recognise what it was). I'm on medication, have seen therapists and councillors, but I get weeks where I constantly battle against my own mind. I have really dark thoughts about myself, but my common sense states it is only temporary. I hate myself, but my common sense tells me that I'm not a bad guy, I support others, support my family, hold down a good job. I am constantly battling against myself. I know I would never do anything to harm myself or others, but my brain often tries to make me forget that. Best way to describe it is the old angel and demon on opposite shoulders. Thankfully, the angel is my common sense and the demon is my internal monologue so the angel always wins. Does anyone else go through this? I am sick of the internal battles day in day out, but nothing I do can stop it. Exercise, getting out, eating better. Tried everything. I try to explain to people around me, but they don't understand. They support me, but don't understand. Anyone else go through the same, or have you been the same and won the eternal battle? If so, what is your advice on how to cope?

Due to a traumatic few months I have been advised by my Doctor to try counselling. I have self referred to a provider who provides services on behalf of the NHS.

I have had 2 sessions so far by phone. The first lasted 30 minutes, the second today lasted just 13 minutes probably because he rang me 15 minutes late. I was annoyed by the session today as some of the questions he asked where the same as last time which suggests he hadn't taken or read notes about my last session . There was no follow up to what we talked about on the first session. He also seem distracted when I was speaking to him like he was doing something else as well.

I have had a really bad few days and I told him I was stressed and the reason why but that wasn't really explored at all.

In both sessions he has constantly promoted self help, which I know is important but I feel that is all has to offer me. I wasn't sure what to expect from the sessions but I thought I would dig deeper into the way I feel. I thought it would stir up some emotions but I feel nothing after the session at all.

Have I just got a bad therapist or is all of this normal for NHS Talking Therapies.

Ive been on 50mg for OCD and Anxiety due to intrusive thoughts for 10 days now, thing are actually getting unbearable now constantly worried and upset

I switched from escitalopram 20mg which i remember when i first took it worked within a few days i mean i noticed it however sertraline is simply nothing happening

No side effects or noticing anything happening.. what should i do?

I just got out of the hospital for my worst psychosis episode yet. I’m struggling to have thoughts, make conversations, there’s a lot of emotional numbing going on. I keep thinking about my episode and the traumatic parts. I don’t like being alone because it keeps popping into my head.

What can I do to help myself in the early stages of recovery? I’m on meds.

I have depression, and I always struggle more in the winter. I’m in therapy, and last year I had to start again on antidepressants.

I do things to try to mitigate - I take extra vitamin D, and try to get outside in daylight hours.

But, I can already feel it starting. I miss the summer so much. My energy is super low and I’m sleeping badly. I hate feeling cold and I hate the dark. I’m just feeling bleak and hopeless already, I’m dreading what’s to come over the next few months.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions on how to make this a bit easier? It feels like all my usual defences are failing.

In my mind, I know that one day I'll be discharged, one day i'll just be passed along to the next service or the next thing but my gosh it's so exhausting

I'm not blaming the professionals who truly do their best in what is a subpar mental health system at best but the system itself, well tbh I don't even think it's the system's fault I just think having a bad mental health is kind of shitty in general lol and we can't rely on the system to support us

I've been through CAMHS and CAHMS crisis so many times as well as other services, countless ones. I feel so overwhelmed that I just feel numb and i don't really know how to deal with it anymore- it feels as though I'm experiencing one awful thing after the next (no exaggeration) and I don't understand why this is happening to me but I never have time to process things which makes it all build up and get worse and being passed around like a hot potato never makes things any better

and I hate hate hate being safeguarded, it's so unpredictable and an overwhelming experience. the amount of times ive been referred to the Multi agency screening team for the same things to get the same result is just shocking and i know they're just trying to help but it's tiring

being treated like a real person is so rare in this system and when you don't have family or close friends you can rely on or talk to about these kind of things, the isolation is immense

I have a teacher at school (college/ sixth form now) who is the only adult who treats me like a full person and I'm so so grateful to have him, it just makes me sad because why couldn't i get that from my parents or why couldn't he have just been my dad in the first place because then most of my trauma would never have even happened and i wouldn't have ptsd at 16 years old, having a steady adult really makes such a massive difference it's insane wow but i know even he has to be there in a certain capacity and although we are going to stay in contact forever, it isn't like he is actually my dad and i am of course aware of that

i just needed to get this all off my chest, i hope everyone's okay and i hope u know you aren't alone

So I’m under the CMHT, undergoing assessment by Complex Psychological Interventions for DID. However I’ve just had a horrible six day long hypomanic episode and now I’m deep in depression. I’ve had these mood episodes before and they’ve never been addressed. I requested a meds review or some kind of appointment on Monday, when I was manic, and they said they’d get back to me but never did. So I called today to update that I’m really depressed now and ask what’s going on. They basically just said it wasn’t happening. No reason given. I’ve requested the worker put another request in because this raises serious safeguarding concerns.

Is there anything else I can do if they refuse again? It’s so unsafe with me not properly medicated and I haven’t had a meds review in nearly a year.

I get BUPA health insurance through work and I'm hoping to get diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I'm just curious how easy this would be and if I could get medication for it through BUPA or if I would be best trying it again with my GP? Someone very close to me died recently and I'm worried that my depression will be dismissed as grief even though I've felt this way for at least a few years at this stage. If I was to get diagnosed, would I only have to take the one medication for both depression and anxiety or would I get one tablet that could fix both?

Why are so many people, both in the medical profession, and in society in general, obsessed with therapy?

I saw an NHS counsellor years ago - I was offered six sessions, but ran out of things to say after the second one. I sat there feeling like a prat during the third one, then cancelled.

I saw someone else a few years later, and it was more like a jobcentre medical (i.e. 'you can't possibly be anxious because you attended the appointment').

Eventually I saw someone privately. I saw her regularly for a year or so and it was very good. But it can only go so far. She switched to telephone appointments due to lockdown, at which point I realised that the counselling appointments where mostly just a good excuse to pop into the city centre and call at the market/leisure centre/bank/post office/cafe at the same time as my appointment. Sitting in a chair all day waiting for an appointment just to get up and move 3 yards over to answer the phone and spend 45 minutes having a conversation with a door knob seemed awfully miserable.

Doctors etc continue to recommend the local talking therapies service. I did genuinely consider giving it another go, but I don't see how repeating the same life story yet again will help. Therapy will not get me a job or a career. It will not get me a social life. It will not sort my family problems. When you haven't spoken to another person in several weeks, a one-minute long conversation with a stranger in the street is far more beneficial than trying to improvise a 45 minute monologue in therapy.

I'm not particularly opposed to counselling, and I have a lot of respect for those who practise it, but there is only so far it can go.

i had a telephone appointment with my care co under CMHT today where she told me she is moving to a different service and that i am ready for discharge as i’m on a wait list for NHSTT and ive started adhd medication.

im almost finished titrating to 150mg lamotrigine and apparently the plan is to discharge me once i hit that dose.

i dont really understand why this is a logical plan. aren’t they supposed to wait to see if the dose is effective because only secondary care can adjust the dosage?

i feel like my appointment was so rushed. there were no questions asked after i told her im still dealing with significant low mood. they are aware that i will only answer specific questions rather than me telling anything without prompt.

i’ve also been told the wait for NHSTT is months as i have to wait for a specific service -which is completely understandable but shouldn’t they keep me until i am under their service at least???

i just don’t really understand what is supposed to happen and if what’s happening is right.