I want to give her something to say thankyou. I drafted this to paint for her before Christmas as I’m going away.

1. would she accept it?

2. for clients and Ts what have you given / received ? and Ts have you kept it or thrown it away?

I feel like Ts cop alot of negativity here but there are some really fantastic ones out there.
I honestly love mine so much and feel like I’ve hit the jackpot with her. I’ve just come out of a session I was really nervous to go into. She’s so understanding, reassuring and I truly feel like she cares. when I’m telling her things she listens intently and can see the emotion on her face. I wish I could give her a hug and tell her just how much I appreciate her.

She holds her boundaries and I know it’s for my own good which makes me even more appreciative of her. She told me it’s safer to experience this attachment to her in this space rather than on the outside, with someone who might not truly have my best interest in mind and that made me trust her even more.

I’ve just found out my therapist is really into holistic therapy (doing some research after I’ve found myself growing some attachment). They’ve only ever really mentioned it once in therapy, when I asked why I was suddenly feeling the way I was they mentioned something about the earths energies are out of balance.

The more I’ve looked into them the more how I see this is a core value on how they treat their clients, and I don’t want to start delving into my past traumas for it to be explained away with spirituality.

They have been really kind to me over the past few sessions and I’ve never felt as seen in my life, but I’m worried that I’ll form a good relationship to then be left feeling disappointed.

Has anyone else had this experience?

I’m curious to hear other people’s experiences and whether this is fairly standard practice in therapy.

I had a session scheduled this week and finished work a little early, so I went for a beer across the street while waiting for my appointment. My therapist happened to see me drinking it and told me when I arrived for my appointment that she couldn’t conduct the session because I’d had a pint.

I’d only had one beer, wasn’t intoxicated, and genuinely had no idea that this would mean the session couldn’t go ahead.

For context, we’d previously discussed cannabis use after I disclosed that I’d smoked before an earlier session. She made it clear that this wasn’t acceptable, which I understood and respected. I’ve since stopped using cannabis altogether. However, we hadn’t specifically discussed alcohol and there is no policy on their website about consuming alcohol before a session (although I appreciate there are professional boundaries and being intoxicated at therapy is not okay, or should be explored).

I was just quite surprised that a single drink, without any apparent impairment, resulted in an immediate cancellation. I was also really upset and ashamed. Felt like I’d been scolded like I’d done something really terrible, even though it was just an innocent drink and I don’t have a drinking problem. I have adhd,low self-esteem, chronic people pleasing tendencies and depression, so you can imagine this has sent me into a bit of an emotional spiral (hence the post).

I emailed afterwards asking for clarification and whether the session fee could be waived, given that I wasn’t aware of the policy. She suggested discussing it at our next session and establishing a clearer therapeutic agreement, but tbc on whether the fee will be waived.

I’m wondering:
1. Is it common for therapists to have a strict zero-alcohol policy, regardless of whether someone is intoxicated?
2. Should this have been communicated explicitly beforehand?
3. Is it reasonable to ask for the fee to be waived in these circumstances?

I’m not trying to challenge her right to set boundaries and certainly won’t do it again, just genuinely interested in whether this is a typical approach and how other therapists might have handled it.

Recently started therapy. Opened my eyes to alot of things I wasn't aware of myself and my relationships, but after every session I end up becoming more anxious than i was going in. Is it normal?

I have seen my therapist off and on since 2019. We have had in person sessions and online sessions over the years. Right now we meet just online, but I don’t think I get as much out of it. Would it be odd if I ask if she is meeting people in person at the moment? I’m not sure why I feel so weird asking.

Four years in, and the last three years were filled with dissecting childhood trauma, recent trauma, and literally real time trauma...which linked in with the old trauma. In a place of "relative" safety/stability now...I still have a lot of very stressful daily worries and responsibilities which are themselves enough to need therapy, but it's the best it's been. We're starting with inner child work but I struggle massively with dissociation and especially emotional numbing. I have years of grief and trauma to deal with but I can't feel any of it because of my childhood coping mechanisms. I feel like I'm somewhat making progress in grounding etc, and am at the very beginnings of making sense of my inner world. But doing so has unleashed the hugely dominant part of me that ruled my life for decades, the very fearful heart of my ocd. I get health OCD, sexual orientation OCD, scrupulosity, ROCD, and random taboo OCD at the core of which is either you are bad, you will hurt people, or this will be an unmanageable worst case scenario that you cannot cope with. Both of which are direct messages I got from my Mum. But having it surface again (it has been well managed for years) is very painful and also just exhausting. I feel dead behind the eyes and like it's impossible to ground from. I also feel like every time I unlock a door there is another wall in front of me. Meanwhile my identical twin has been in therapy less than a year and accessing all her parts and crying openly in front of her therapist. And I just think don't therapists prefer working with that ha?

It’s still raw, so I don’t want to go too much into detail.

i had a rupture with my T over clinic policy. Based on her description of repair, the process, and that it was evaluative of whether we would continue, I decided not to continue with her because she didn’t truly seem interested in repair and I no longer felt safe with her anymore.

Our rupture happened suddenly, and at a time where multiple crises have worsened and the safe place, support, and ability to process was not just taken away, but the person who provided it is gone as well. I’m having difficulty managing life, and I’m even worse processing the loss of my T and her (seeming) lack of care. I’m so thrown, because I am a highly sensitive person and constantly reading situations (yay hypervigilance) but there was no way to predict this.

Is it okay to process the loss, hurt, anger, and disappointment with another therapist - even an EAP (one-time appointment) therapist? Or is that weird?
.

Hi, I wanted to make this post because in an effort to organize my thoughts. There are many things that I want to discuss with this clinician… some cringe topics (I don’t even want to write about them here lol). I’m going to wrap up this up by asking you all:

In the event of me being asked ‘What brings you in today?’ should I say:

>I suspect I have depression/social anxiety (still deciding what to say lol) and I would like some advice on how to alleviate these feelings.

Does that sound dumb? Should I mention the other things I don’t want to talk about? Ok thanks.

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if a psychologist would have to call emergency services if they believe I'm unsafe to go home alone at the end of a session?

For the record, I've been feeling increasingly suicidal and I'm seeing my psychologist on Tuesday.

I've seen him since January, so I feel very relaxed with him and I'm going to be honest about it all. I'm just really desperate at the moment. We both know I've been rejected from 12 different psychiatric centres and I'm so overwhelmed with it all.

Hi! I just made a separate post about my therapist saying, early session, "this relationship is transactional". These are just my feelings I wrote down to "get them out". I might share some version of it, verbally, with my therapist in a week-- I would not send this as a letter (and it's unfinished/raw). Just seeing if anyone else might have the same reaction/and I am clarifying how it actually "landed". Again, he is a great therapist and we will work it out.:

I'm 💯 not sending this. I'm writing because that's how I process best, most of the time.

(Therapist), I'm not saying it's your fault or that I know your intentions behind the word choice you used this last session. Putting that all aside, my brain got triggered into a sort of paranoia. When I heard the phrase "this relationship is mostly transactional" I honestly almost just shut down and cried. It's not because I do not believe the relationship is transactional. It is. It's a professional service, provided by a licensed clinician, with ethics and boundaries and contracted limits. The provider makes a living, the client leaves with skills and with understanding their own desires and direction. I get that. My problem is that I had an emotional reaction to the sterile, clinical phrasing and the timing of its usage. Couple reasons for that.

1). I recently divulged limerence in my past. Whether you mean to or not, I've felt the pendulum swing to Uber tight boundaries. Which is actually fine with me, as long as I know the boundary before I cross it. But it also compounds my shame. I told you I was embarrassed by that. I told you that you were not the object of it. So to be treated weirdly and then told the relationship is transactional shortly after -- it feels like I messed up by trusting you with that info. Now I'm a crazy borderline who can't be trusted. Been there, done that-- and we had seemed to agree that borderline doesn't even fit for me.

2). I just poured my fucking heart out to you over a few sessions to give you a bigger picture. I told you one of my biggest early traumas, and then a quick turn around of "this relationship is transactional" feels like "so what, you are a paycheck". If that's true, I've made a mistake

3). My side of the transaction comes with real risk, and ALSO the paranoid risk that is in my head from medical trauma with my kiddo. I'm sharing sensitive stuff with you. I don't do that easily. If you aren't actually invested in the client well-being, we've all seen how providers abuse the resources they have. CPS, interfering in marriages, etc. Providers make those reports based on what benefits their side of the transaction and it's not considered unethical unless the person with less power can prove they are being punitive. If the provider has no benefit or investment besides paying their bills-- why would a client not be super, super careful of what they say.

4). You just introduced the concept of: just being a "thing to be used" (in regards to my intimacy issues with my husband). And offered resiliency techniques to cope. That's basically what I felt like when you said that. "You are just a thing, readily replaced, that I use for income and career development, nothing more". Juxtaposed against my real effort to "share" recently, it made me feel very unsafe and stupid.

We work well together, but I'm putting a pause on anything and everything that looks like a relational therapy relationship and we are doing basic life skills for now, that's what my side of the paid transaction is requiring. Nothing more.

-- if you read all that, thank you, lol. I'm just crashing out. I do this in waves. By the time I get to my next appointment, I will have this worked out to a bullet point list that is much less passionate/more easily addressed. And he is skilled at what he does (even if he doesn't care, lol). We will work it out. Just wanted to show my "why". Thanks again, reddit!

I have been through some shit I know I have been, but I’m just numb to it and every time I bring something new up to my therapist, she know she always asks me questions about like how it made me feel and she always seems so perplexed that I don’t have like a mental breakdown in her office.
I am traumatized, but it comes out in smaller ways than your average stereotypical reaction.

My therapist is BRILLIANT. Like so, so smart. I am currently getting my masters and will be a therapist as well, and I have learned so much from her. I found it hard to have any “realizations” or learn anything new about myself from other therapists in the past, but not with her. I lovedddd her.

But I realized she was always showing up 5-10 mins late, like she forgot about our appointment. Twice she asked me if she could take our session from the car. I said yes, because I really did like talking to her. Once she took a session from the backyard laying on a lawn chair.

I also started noticing that she’d forget everything we discussed in our previous sessions. She’d always ask me for a recap to jog her memory. She never remembered my fiancés name, that I was in school, about my past abuse.

This past Friday, she told me that I NEEDED to be medicated for my anxiety. We had another session yesterday (4 days later), and I told her I had found a psychiatrist to help with medication. She told me she would “never have said that” I needed medication. I reminded her about our conversation a few days prior, and she said “oh yeah, I confused you with my other client.”

She’d also bring up things that triggered me, always forgetting they were a trigger for me. Example: talking about cancer for no reason, and then saying she “forgot” it made me uncomfortable (she said my Bluetooth headphones could give be cancer lol)…

Anyway, to make a long story short, I broke up with her and spent time writing a long and nice message. She only responded what is pictured. I feel weird about it. I’m not sure what she should have said or if she should’ve said more. But I feel weird and sad because I liked her and I needed a therapist I felt I could have “realizations” with.

There is a person who had a great inpact in my life when i was having a really bad time, he helped me so much and i admire him a lot because he reprents a lot who i want to be in life. I used to have a dependence on him because when i was with him it was the only moment i felt safe and also i learned a lot because of him, he was like my mentor. It wasnt healthy because i was always waiting to the next time i could see him and it was not good for me to do that. Last time i saw him was like two years ago because i moved to study and we stoped crossing paths, we kept talking the first months, but then not much. I still mis him sometimes and i kinda feel ashamed about it because i think i shouldnt miss him that much. I dont know if i should keep talking to them and everything, in part because i am scared of bothering him and because i dont know if its good. Now i am a lot better mentally, but i still think of him as a mentor that i admire and want to learn from. If i should forget him, is there any tip on how to do it?

Context: Ive been in therapy for a few months now and recently started meds. I've always been really anxious and I still am in sessions because for some reason i feel shame about it. I often feel like I don't actually need therapy and what Im feeling is normal or not a big deal. I haven't ever brought this up but i recently just got a vitamin D test and found out I am severely deficient. For some reason this is making me think a lot about if i even need all of this and its just because of a vitamin deficiency, since the symptoms overlap (depression and derealization). I also haven't been able to share any trauma, I've experienced because of the reporting law's in my state and i cant afford that risk currently. i would love to know what you guys think and what you think i should do?

This has been coming up alot in sessions and I think I’m just getting generic therapist responses at this point; which is okay, and maybe I have some expectations that are unrealistic. I wish I could speak to a human rather than just a therapist. But that’s besides the point.

For context I’m pretty much given up on life. I just don’t have the balls to off myself. The only person that actually matters even a tiny smidge is the one I pay an absurd amount of money to see once a week for an hour. Pathetic right?

But I’ve recently just noticed. That I do not know. I know nothing. Ask me how I feel? I don’t know. Ask me what I want? I don’t know. Ask me what I’m thinking? I don’t know.

I just don’t know. I know nothing. It feels like I’m an extra in a movie sometimes too, you aren’t acknowledged even by those who are around you, you aren’t appreciated because you’re a filler. Just there to fill the hole that nobody else wants to.

I feel entirely hopeless and the only thing else I can come up with is “I don’t know” the amount of emotional pain especially after sessions is more than ever, and I thought after 2 years it would get better. I’m just stuck, maybe in a worse spot. I don’t know.

And I’m starting to just not know about therapy. About all of it. What do I think about? I don’t know. What do I want from it? I don’t know. What have I learnt? I don’t know.

I just don’t know.

I've been in therapy for a few months now. My therapist asked how my experience has been with our sessions and I just blanked. I actually don't remember what we discussed during our sessions. I know that we had weekly sessions. But I don't remember our conversations. It's been a recurring issue during therapy. I often can't remember things.

He also mentioned he feels like I haven't made progress due to me having difficulties feeling and expressing stuff. I feel sad that he feels that way. Maybe it's not visible to him, but I have been making progress. Before therapy, I never discussed how I felt deep inside. I never told anyone about my relationship issues. In my eyes, that's progress. What he sees is somebody that struggles so much with communication that I often can only answer his questions by nodding or shaking my head. But it's better than not communicating at all.

I'm sad that he thinks he hasn't helped me. He made me believe that some people can be trusted. He showed me that not everyone will hurt me. I'm not a disappointment to everyone. I am allowed to take up space. I deserve to feel better. I am enough. He never showed any kind of judgement, which helped me open up to other people. And I think this all is helping me get ready for a new therapist who is more specialized. I'm kinda scared for this next step. But he's also helped me realised that not all new things have to be bad and scary. Some are the start of something good.

I keep this all inside though. I don't know how to tell him this. And I'm sure I will have forgotten by the time our next session is.

I think my therapist is at the end of his rope having come to understand that he can't help me. I was so embarrassed when I realized he wasn't reserving Wednesday evenings for me but just once because I was struggling. I told him how grateful and sad I was at the same time for "getting my way" and had to infer the next week that I misunderstood his kindness. I never brought it up.

Recently his empty office chair was facing me and I tossed a couch pillow into it thinking it would be unremarkable enough after two and a half years. I thought an empty chair is lonely so why not fill it?

I thought an empty chair wouldn't mind

For a few sessions at his old office there were no tissues on the side table though usually there was a box I could reach for. When I finally cried and asked where they were he stood up to give me a box from his bookshelf that had been in front of the title The Empty Core by Jeffrey Seinfeld. It felt intentional, I already read it front to back. I felt strange about it. I still feel strange about it.

I thought someone training to be a psychoanalyst would be different. I realize I'm too sensitive for a deeper treatment but sessions hurt so much that that period in between is unbearable and I don't understand why it hurts. Or why I'm not good enough or easy enough to be seen three times a week.

I bought a fifth of Everclear Monday, I hadn't bought anything from a liquor store in years. I never seriously self harmed until some weeks ago out of curiosity if someone so old is actually capable of it. When he told me he was moving to a different office I said I tried to hang myself once. I get it was attention seeking and I'm sorry. But I also wish someone cared that when I was in a dark place years ago I did try to hang myself and it would have been successful if I wasn't a coward. He didn't want to talk about it the same way he didn't want to talk about how I threw the pillow.

Don't hang yourself. Don't throw the pillow. From the therapist who can muster the words "I love you"

I love my therapist but I can't bear this pain. I can't bear the loneliness between and the emptiness and longing that follow sessions. I don't know what to do. I'm just really sad.

I’ve been with my T for 5 years and still struggle to talk openly about things. I’ve felt the same way with all of my former T’s, and outside of therapy.

The main problem (I think) is that by the time the session rolls around, I don’t feel “bad” enough to bring up issues that I’ve had. Last week, I had a really bad night where I drank nonstop and SH’ed and I would’ve poured my guts out to my T in that moment, had I had a session with them as it was happening. The feelings were so intense that I know I would’ve said anything that was on my mind. But during the session the next day, I felt a lot more stable and consequently more closed-off. The unhappiness of the night before suddenly seemed trivial and I could barely even remember what had got me so worked up. I felt comfortable, well-rested and had no urge to bring up something that had already passed.

So when my T asked me how I was I just nodded and said “fine” because, I mean… I was lol. This has happened at every session for the last 5 years and it’s incredibly frustrating because the same “episodes” will hit repeatedly throughout the week and I regret not bringing it up every time. Has anybody else felt similarly? Like you have to feel a certain of “bad” in order to talk about them?

Hi! First of all, I love the work I'm doing with my therapist and the autonomy he is slowly helping me find in my everyday life.

Today, he said "this relationship is mostly transactional". I spent the rest of the session trying not to cry.

On principle, I agree. And, just prior, we were talking about a different and an important/deep relationship that should be more "relational". So there was context. And-- I messed up. I told him a few sessions ago about limerance I had experienced (NOT him!!!!!!), and he has been weird ever since.

Yes, therapy is a paid service and limited to the time you are together and "one-way", but it's also relational and you hope they care a little. It really hurt for some reason. I struggle to trust and find balance, anyway. Even instead saying: "this relationship is professional/has contracted boundaries and expectations/ serves a specific purpose for both parties" would have felt better than----- transactional? His style is clinical, psycho educational, and mostly detached-- but it still hurts and IDK why.

Any thoughts?

Edit for context: He is truly a great therapist and I am truly horrible at interpreting, categorizing, and engaging in relationships in general. Just prior to him saying that, he was helping me explore if a hurtful relationship is possibly purely transactional (and what it would "cost" to change it). I think it (calling therapy mostly transactional) slipped out because he is a social work professor and is used to "teaching". He works hard to keep himself emotionally detached appropriately and safely, he works with high risk populations. Still, my whole mind is spinning. Do I trust him too much? Do I pull back now? If he doesn't care, should I think even more carefully about how much I risk in sharing? All these thoughts. We will work it out, but it really, really hurt. My hurt is just growing and my thought is: my side of the transaction includes real risk. If he doesn't see it as careful relationship that is relational-- how can I trust him with very sensitive material.

Tw: parental abuse

I (19f) had a therapy session today. I told my therapist some stuff from my childhood, mostly about some messaging I'd received from my family. For example, how any lies told would make it so I couldn't have a career, relationships, an education, or anything else - while factually true, this was said in a toxic way to a small child 3-13 years old. This messaging was so intense that I had a panic attack on Sunday after telling a lie to my bf, even though I confessed 15 minutes later and he wasn't upset.

There were also the lectures that went on for hours at any little mess up (this continued after 18). This was especially common with disobedience.

One time, after wetting the bed while awake, my parents forced me into my brother's diapers, and took pictures of me while I was screaming and crying. I had even tried to resist, but couldn't. Those pictures got sent to some family and friends. I was 7-9 when that happened.

I told my therapist about this, and after a bit of explaining on her end about the effects this would have on a child through the years, I asked if it was abuse. She said yes, emotionally and verbally.

I'd heard that from friends for years when I'd tell them snippets, and I didn't want to believe it. I love my family, and my parents have done so many good things - I wouldn't be the woman I am today without them. But I'm finally having to confront the fact that they did abuse me my entire childhood and after.

I'm 38 and I've had 21 different job contracts, not counting volunteering. I left my family home at 16 because of a dysfunctional household (more loving than many, no doubt) and i've moved more than 15 times since then. I've been telling myself over the years that I don't need to stay in a job I don't like, or be in a place i don't like, or study a course that i don't like, or keep friends i don't like, and that all of these things were my choice (which i take responsibility for).
As I am getting older, I don't feel that the same pattern can be sustainable for a future that my partner can believe in - she is definitely expressing more and more her need, indeed, requirement, for stability and security moving forward.
Any advice about how i could approach this topic with a professional, and what kind of therapy might be the 'go to', as I am not financially flush enough to try everything!
Thank you in advance

This was condensed from a much longer journal entry with help, but the thoughts and feelings are my own.

I’m a software engineer with diagnosed ADHD, and I’m on medication. For the past three months I’ve been in therapy for ADHD, compulsive porn use, and recurring taboo sexual fantasies that I’ve been fighting for over five years. Most of my adhd symptoms are now well managed that atleast my work doesn't suffer anymore as often as it used to before.

My therapist has genuinely helped me. I carry far less shame than before, and my relationship with my mother is much better. I know she cares about me.

Lately, though, I’ve felt dismissed. I struggled to keep up with her homework, and when we discussed my relapses, she told me, “Sometimes not everything is clinical, it’s just laziness.” I don’t choose to relapse. A weak moment arrives, I tell myself I’ll just peek, and it spirals. If deciding not to were enough, I wouldn’t need therapy.

She’s also against blockers and between-session check-ins, because she wants me to become self-reliant. I understand that as a long-term goal, but right now I need outside structure.

I’m honest about where I am lazy. I avoid exercise because I hate it, and that’s a choice. Forgetting my medication isn’t. The thought simply never arrives.

When I told her I was considering a specialist, since I’m her first client with this kind of issue(uncontrollable sexual behaviors), she said I was free to go but immediately went on to remind me that she charges me less and lets sessions run over etc. It was very off-putting, i can't explain, I left feeling guilty for even asking.

For anyone who has been through this: How do you tell the difference between ADHD and laziness in yourself? And did external accountability help you?

For therapists: Is calling a compulsive relapse “laziness” ever helpful? And is it reasonable for me to look for a specialist who has helped someone with my specific issues before?