The title says it all. I love my boyfriend, but I can’t pretend I don’t cry every time I have to meet him because I’m in so much pain. I’ve been faking my happiness because he is a very successful person, and when we first met, he kind of expected me to get better because, at that time, I still had treatments to try. Now, I’ve tried all of those options. I haven’t told him yet, but he is starting to grasp the severity of my condition.

I know that if I tell him the truth, he will ask to break up, so I want to break up with him before my heart breaks even more than it already has. I’m in my early 20s, and I don’t want to waste his life or hold him back from the future he wants. He has made it clear that he doesn’t want a disabled partner, and that is completely fair. I love him, but I also understand that he has the right to choose the kind of life and relationship he wants. I just wish my circumstances were different.

I’ve cried so much because how is it possible that I have the ambition, but my body stops me? I hate my life, and I hope I can finally rest when I die.

Yall braver than me always looking for ways to heal or treat the pain… im over here just pushing through everyday on weed nicotine sarcasm and caffeine …knowing ill crash throughout the day … vibing wishing things weren’t the way they are …. I think I kinda got lost on the way but it is somewhat idk pressure relieving to read all the posts in here … so thanks? But also go take your meds and hydrate your flesh prisons

I'm beat up. On the verge of tears every moment I'm awake, cooking or going to the bathroom actually brings tears. Flare has lasted a month and I'm worried I might have made my injuries worse? I feel like I'll be never enjoy anything again. I know "it will pass" but FUCK I'm exhausted.48 next month on my 17th year of being disabled and I ain't used to it. I'm gonna keep trying until I'm done but shit ain't easy...

Hope all is well Friends

Every single day is neverending agony, I wish I had an easy way out

Not sure if anyone else gets this.

When the pain gets to a level where existing hurts does anyone else get irrationally angry? Not like annoyed but a deep hatred for everything and any one.

Little things send you to a point where you want to look for lost kids in the wall. (Punching the wall or kicking it)?

Like someone existing in the same space as you will send you into a seeing red rage?

I feel so guilty when I get like that because my wife will ask something or even laugh a little hard and I want to scream or say something hurtful. She is the love of my life and I would never ever normally be that way towards her. But my pain i guess sends me to a dark place.

Does anyone else deal with this? Am I the issue? She suggested i talk to a therapist but I can't explain that its due to physical pain and nothing she has said or done. She also has chronic pain due to a past knee injury, but when she is hurting bad she gets quiet.

I don't lash out. I'll give short answers and keep my mood to myself so I don't attack her verbally. Not looking for advice, I just want to make sure I'm not the only one.

Edit Thank you all for your kind words and sharing. The over all consensus is I shoukd seek out a therapist. And I will. Last one I had kept asking "what do you want from this (therapy). And I'd explain my situation. In detail. And he would nod then ask again "ehat do you want from this". That continued on for 45 minutes. Talking in circles. I left more frustrated then when I first went in. So I'll find someone new, and competent and give it another go. Thank you everyone for sharing.

how am i supposed to exercise when i can barely even move!!!!!!!! yes it can help but if it did help than i wouldnt be in pain!!!

I am not even sure why I am typing this out right now. I guess I just don't have a better outlet for what I am feeling currently. Hopefully this helps. I may delete this later after some more thought.

Many years ago I started having what I thought was a severe ear infection. After may trips to my doctor's office; the attending physician told me "perhaps this is all in your head." I very calmly told the doctor that there was something in my head and she better fix it! I left the office and made sure it was placed in my record that I never be seen by her again.

Turns out there was truth to that. A golf ball sized tumor had grown in my sinus cavity. This lead to severe headaches, nausea, pain and worst of all the occasional blackout. This explained some issues I had with my sense of balance, walking and even being in a vehicle.

I was sent to an specialist who discovered what he called a cystic tumor and scheduled a surgery to remove it. Recovery went as expected. It took me some time to learn to walk correctly again. After about a year, the symptoms returned.

After a couple of follow up appointments with the specialist he declared me cured and stated that my complaints were unfounded. His office called me some time later to say that he not longer wanted me as a patient. It took some time to track down another ENT specialist.

In the interim the dizziness, pain, headaches and blackouts slowly returned. It was so bad by then that simply climbing the stairs to go to bed for the night, or raising from a sitting position was hard to accomplish. Often leading to stumbling, or worse; a blackout.

After more tests another larger tumor was discovered in my sinus cavity. The exact same place as before. Another growth, another surgery. After recovering; the headaches lessened but did not disappear. Neither did the pain, dizziness and yes the blackouts. Although not to the same degree or frequency. After some more follow up appointments the second specialist diagnosed me with "Chronic Sinusitis with complications." He stated that the growths damaged my inner ear and I should take time to learn how to manage the pain.

Every morning I take multiple pain meds just to be able to function. The headaches never stop. Some days they are dull other days they are debilitating. My left eye with become hazy from the pressure and make it hard to see out of that eye. The tumors damaged my inner ear so my sense of balance is off constantly. I can't drive. Both due to the equilibrium and fear of blacking out.

So here I sit a man unable to operate a motor vehicle, living at home, with few friends, no girlfriend and no idea when things are meant to improve. I spend a lot of time alone thinking

All I do is work at a job that is close to home. When I am not working I play games, watch movies and just try to manage the headaches and pain. I don't go out and barely socialize. Asking a someone out for a coffee or a movie is out of the question. As soon as a bring up my condition I am told no thank you. Sometimes more rudely than I would like.

I know I have some things to be thankful for. A family that loves me and what few friends I do have are dear to me. I try to list the positives in my life as a way to help deal with these feelings that keep popping up.

It's just difficult with the constant pain and long stretches of being alone that I think really bother me. I just don't see myself improving, mentally or otherwise. I feel so isolated. I am just waiting for something else to happen that will make what little I have fall apart.

Again I am not sure why I am writing this post. I don't like feeling so useless, worthless and unwanted. I am not one to complain much in my daily life but the few times I bring up my struggles to my siblings or other family members I feel like they are treating me the same way as the first doctor did. I am just waiting for everything thing to just get worse and never better. I just don't know what else to do right now.

Thanks for listening.

I’ve been having a hard time sleeping lately and I’ve been using sleeping pills sometimes, but I’d rather find other things that help. Whenever everything gets quiet and I try to relax, I start noticing this subtle pain and restless feeling throughout my body, especially in my legs. It’s not really intense pain, just an uncomfortable feeling that makes it difficult to fully relax and fall asleep. I’m open to any advice. If you’ve experienced something similar, especially the restless feeling in your legs, what has helped you?

So about 2 days ego I was experiencing back pain and usually when I feel my lower back really tense up and give out I know my period is on the way. Well yesterday I was fine during the day but around 7-8pm I was eating my dinner and once I was done I got up and I felt a really sharp pain in my lower back. I ended up giving up doing the dishes and just went to my bedd room and lay on my stomach.

About 10 min in, I couldn’t get up. Every single movement I felt was extremely painful and my legs and arms started giving out. I kept going back and forth trying to get comfortable but was im so much pain even a little movement just pain my whole body tense up.

Once my partner came home, I asked for help but I swear everytime his hands came anywhere near me I literally went into shock and literally was frozen into place. He did his best but honestly I never experienced this in my life and everything was new to me.

I ended up on the floor from all the google searches and fell asleep on my back with my knees upwards and till this morning I was in agony.

I did take ibuprofen 800mg just to be able to breathe and my period came the next day. I’ve never had this bad of a reaction from my period. Don’t get my wrong I do feel back pain right before I get it, but never to the point I can’t walk.

If you ever experience this or have any similar things happen to you PLEASE lmk if you know anything or do anything to prevent this type of pain.

(I have went to the doctor and spoke with a professional and I was told it’s inflammation)

I've been watching House lately to go to sleep. Today I was using AI to help me review the 1k+ pages of my medical reports and MRI's and the results reported from my doctors (a big inconclusive on everything). I think this meme is too close to accurate to make me laugh.

I live in an illegal state and I love the cannabis. It helps me in ways other medications won't. Since I live in an illegal state, all Pain contracts contain language that bans THC use. There is a way to get around this, via your family doctor. Dronabinol has recently been lowered from schedule 2 to schedule 3, meaning your family doctor can now prescribe off label. Dronabinol contains active THC so your tests won't be flagged if you smoke on top of it. Consider advocating for dronabinol with your family physicians, if you don't want to give up the use. Fir me personally, RSO is amazing for inflammation and pain.

I’m so tired of the pain. My back and neck hurt all day everyday. Nothing fucking works.

Hello,

I was in pain management and on the same low dose opioid for decades and passed all drug test cuz Id never jeopardize pain medication as it gave me my life back. A year ago I lost my good dr and was not able to find pain management so to help a bit with sleep I took delta 9 hemp thc gummy each night. I now finally found a pain management place willing to give my pain medication back. I disclosed at my first appt that I had taken the delta 9 hemp thc gummies when I had no other options. The dr said no more of that or I cant prescribe. But he prescribed and is holding off on a drug test for 3 weeks. But Im terrified cuz Ive read it can take 60 up to 90 days to get out of your system. Im so terrified of losing the pain meds. I never would take any thc and didnt for decades with my old pain management. Will I be punished if the metabolites aren't out of my system in 21 days even though I stopped as soon as I signed the contract today?

My shoe collection has gotten so sad since my chronic back/knee/foot pain has developed. I find myself only wearing uncool sneakers or Birkenstocks. I used to wear fun vintage boots and would love to find a pair of boots I can wear without immediately having back pain.

I NEED insoles with high arches and padding. I’m looking for a pair of boots like the photo—a bit of platform, low block heels, mid calf. But I can’t find any styles like this that have removable insoles or any built in support. If you have any suggestions, please share!

I started an orthodontic treatment last year, and the teeth above shifted weirdly and hit a lower, right premolar weirdly. And ever since then, the teeth on that side burn.

I’ve had a root canal treatment on said premolar but it didn’t change anything. The burning didn’t stop, but also didn’t get worse. It goes on and off, sometimes I have no pain at all and sometimes I get goose bumps from it. Ibuprofen or paracetamol prescribed by my dentist don’t touch it. tilidine my primary care doctor prescribed me didn’t either. My dentist, two other dentists and specialists for root canals are at a loss. There is nothing wrong with the teeth.

I’ve now went to a neurologist, he thinks it’s trigeminal neuralgia and he prescribed me gabapentin, I’m hesitant though bc I’ve read it has horrendous side effects and I’m not sure the pain isn’t better than that. He also ordered a CT, which I have tomorrow. I can’t do an MRI due to the orthodontic device screwed into my palate.

My teeth burn, it feels like prickling sometimes, the jaw itself doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t get triggered by much aside from touching the premolar and eating hurts like 10-15 minutes later but not every time. I’ve read about trigeminal neuralgia and isn’t it supposed to be worse?

My question is, did anyone else deal with the same? Did it ever go away? What did it turn out to be? I always read about chronic pain in the back, legs, headaches. But never teeth and it makes me feel super alone

I had to share this somewhere where others may understand.

For the last couple of nights I had some severe pain, of course. But I was my usual crying and such. I was just exhausted. I wasn't able to sleep. Finally yesterday I did. In a way, it was moments of broken sleep because of pain. But I slept last night mostly uninterrupted.

This morning, I am able to talk. Able to make it to the bathroom. I really felt ok, not amazing, but ok. I looked in the mirror. I kid you all not, I jumped.

I didn't expect to look like no beauty queen. I am battling chronic pain and such but damn, I didn't expect to look like some walking dead, zombie, nightmare, witch beast thing either! Scared myself.

Just wanted to share. Hope it brought a smile🧡.

Does anyone have any experience travelling with opioids (Tapentadol) into China and/or Japan? I’m getting a lot of conflicting information and just looking for guidance.

Hi…I have battled panic attacks for years. I have been on low dose 0.5mg clonexpam for years to take in case of panic. After over a year of talk therapy I have been able to keep daytime panic attacks at bay but I still have nocturnal panic attacks. If I don’t take my medication at night I wake up mid panic and it’s awful. However, I also have chronic pain due to degenerative disc disease, occipital neuralgia, and three fused cervical discs. I’m having trouble finding a doctor who will prescribe medication to help manage the pain because I’m also prescribed a Benzo. So I’m let with either being in daily pain or trying to find an alternative. Has anyone successfully found an alternative to Benzo for panic attacks? Thank you!

4 hours after first dose and nerve pain was less. 3 doses down: constant throbbing deep nerve pain is gone, the walking on glass feeling in my feet when I walk is 90% better, the shooting pain when I go to stand or transition is 75% better.

What stinks is it’s only a bridge to get me thru a little waiting period for spinal cord stimulator and FDA has only approved the med for short term, 14 days!

I'm 32F, hypermobile, and spent years experiencing unexplained widespread sensory disturbances (dysaesthesias): crawling, prickling, cold/wet sensations on my face, chest, neck and mouth, occasional stabbing pains, etc. Separate from my usual mechanical joint and nerve pain.

In 2022 I underwent extensive neurological investigations, including MRIs, EMG, nerve conduction studies and blood tests. Nothing sinister was identified, but no real explanation either. The consultant was incredibly patronising and left me feeling as though he thought I wanted something to be wrong. He suggested CBT and implied I was mentally ill and trying to find problems where there were none. I could have jumped through more hoops proved him wrong and tried for more tests but at that point I was fed up and done.

I was relieved it wasn't MS or something progressive and decided I'd live with the discomfort, I still had a miserable quality of life. I abandoned further investigation because of how I was treated and because every test seemed to come back fine. non specific scattered lesions and one one my cervical spine but nothing malignant or suggestive of MS.

I tried pregabalin, amitriptyline and duloxetine. They gave my opioids too. None adequately helped. Pregabalin was particularly awful: dizziness, cognitive impairment, weight gain, feeling drunk, and horrendous withdrawal. I didn't feel safe driving on it despite medical reassurance.

Eventually I used non-prescribed diazepam to help me withdraw from all the meds I couldn't tolerate and felt useless. It helped me come off every single one on my own. I intended to stop diazepam afterwards too, but remained on roughly 10mg nightly for around a year. I became physically dependent, but never chased a high, escalated my dose or wanted it recreationally.

During that year, my unexplained sensory symptoms gradually disappeared. I didn't even connect it to diazepam. I was just delighted they were gone. My normal mechanical hypermobility pain remained.

Now I'm tapering diazepam, down to 5mg, and suddenly the sensory disturbances have returned as badly as in 2022. Out of desperation I tried my previous 10mg dose and within 30 minutes virtually everything disappeared.

I know benzodiazepine withdrawal can itself cause neuropathic symptoms. I cannot prove diazepam was treating my original condition rather than this being withdrawal-related. But my symptoms existed for years before I'd ever taken a benzodiazepine, and disappeared during the year I was taking one.

I don't know whether I have something like small-fibre neuropathy (which I'm aware is harder to diagnose and none of my tests would pick up) abnormal central sensory processing or something else entirely. I don't care I just hate this. And hate not being believed.

What frustrates me is that diazepam was far better tolerated than any of my prescribed treatments. No noticeable next-day impairment, no awful physical side effects, and seemingly sustained relief without dose escalation. I understand that doesn't eliminate its long-term risks or dependence potential, but my experience of pregabalin and others meds? was substantially worse. some were total hell to come off. Valium reduction comparatively has been easy aside from the return of nerve issues.

I'm upset for two reasons: the condition I thought had finally resolved and I could just think "yup weird as hell but it's gone" may never have gone away, and the only medication that apparently helped was something I never wanted to take long-term and can't ever be prescribed or admit I was taking illegally without them misunderstanding me and stigmatising me even more.

I'm reluctant even to discuss this with a doctor. It was difficult enough being taken seriously before. Admitting I used non-prescribed diazepam and asking why it helped so much feels like a guaranteed way to be labelled drug-seeking.

I'm not looking to get high or justify staying on benzodiazepines. I want a diagnosis, an explanation, or if I can't get any of that just some fucking quality of life. I just feel trapped between treatments that make me ill and one that apparently works but isn't considered suitable long-term, I'd get judged into oblivion for and had the least number of bad side affects or genuine physical risk to health??

I'm so unhappy. Any suggestions. I want to cry.

Hello, I'm diagnosed with things related to my spine, spinal cord compression being one of them and I want to get an MRI to see if I have a herniated disc in my neck area. But I'm so anxious about how I express my pains. I take 1600mg of ibuprofen a day, 1500mg of Tylenol if the ibuprofen isn't around.

But sometimes I would see people with much worse pains and diagoses say for example, 600-800mg of ibuprofen is good enough for them and it made me think I might be exaggerating my pains. It really made me anxious about what if my condition really isn't that bad and that I just have very weak tolerance and a weak person overall. I know people process pain differently and rating pain on a scale with chronic pain is absolutely not reliable but I can't help but feel like I shouldn't be complaining when other people have much worse symptoms and diagnoses and they seem to be doing ok with much less painkillers.

I am not diagnosed, but my father is. He has fibromyalgia (he denies it being real) but it is diagnosed. I think I’ve experienced pain all my life with growing pains and restless legs but I think it got more noticeable around 16-17. I told my doctor around age 18 and she treated my pain with Vitamin D and Iron. I am almost 20 now and still in pain.

I went to the mall a week ago. The next day, I was sore. The day after that, I literally couldn’t move without the effort sounds(?). It escalated and now, 6 days later, I’m in bed and now my chores have all piled up.

I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that I’ll be reliant on the people around me unless I’m diagnosed with something that has a reliable treatment. My boyfriend recently bought me a wheelchair and I’ll be using it for the first time in 3 days. I used to have a summer ‘job’ (3 hours a day, 3 days a week) and I had to quit because it was too much for me. I sleep either 12-14 hours or 4 hours a night, no in between. I am always exhausted.

I think I’m coming to terms with the fact that this is just how my life is right now, and how it will be for the foreseeable future. I am writing this before I try to sleep because I have an early morning to babysit and I am dreading it. I am scared the pain will be too much and I don’t want to be in pain for my adventure in 3 days. But I know I will be. I am not anxious about it, but I dread it.

I never understood the thing about doctors until I brought it up with mine. She was so dismissive, even though she had been my doctor since birth and knew of all my childhood/early teens aches. She told me to put it off until I got an adult doctor, my boyfriend had to argue to even get the blood test done. I mentioned by job and she told me it was a consistency issue. I mentioned being stuck in bed after activities and she told me to take little walks every day and that it was just conditioning. I used to love walking. I used to got on walks every day. I used to LOVE walking.

I dont think I’ll ever be able to get a real job. I cant work online as I have no experience. I cant get experience because I cant work. I am reliant on everyone around me to carry my weight around the house for me and I am reliant on them financially- both are a major strain on my family and housemates.

I used to have big dreams. But I dont think they were meant for me. I dont want to end up like my dad, he spends all day in bed or in a chair resting. I want to travel and go on young adult adventures and have my own money to spend as I choose. But I don’t think I ever will.

My sister and boyfriend think I may have fibromyalgia as well. My mother thinks I have long covid. My dad thinks I have too many knots in my muscles. I just think that this is not going to end for a very long time, if ever.

I dont know what to do. I already have depression and anxiety and right now I just feel acceptance and numbness- which usually predates a huge depressive episode. I hope it doesn’t ruin my adventure. And it sucks that thats all I’m hoping for- I think I stopped hoping to feel better a while ago.