Long-time lurker, first-time poster, finally got something I really wanted to post about.

For context, I am a college student, and my brother, who was 5 years older than I was, died around 2 years ago of a sudden heart condition in the middle of the night. It was completely unexpected and threw our entire family off guard. He was healthy and athletic and, aside from a lack of sleep, had no notable health issues. His death shattered our entire family and, as a result, caused my mother to become depressed, my father to distance himself from the family and focus on work, and me to become depressed and begin seriously repressing my emotions.

I didn't want to cause more hardship on my parents, so I forced myself to swallow my emotions and try to move on, which in the process caused me never to get to really confront my emotions and feelings about the death of my brother. This has led me to be way less vulnerable with my loved ones, and I rarely like talking about trauma or various emotions.

Now I've been dating this girl for around 9 months. We started dating in college, but we went to the same high school, and I liked her in high school as well. Our relationship has been going well; however, earlier in the relationship, I had a couple of doubts, especially because we didn't share many interests, our personalities were quite a bit different, and I was much more emotionally unstable than she is. I was worried I would overburden her and inadvertently push her away, so I hadn't talked about my brother to her.

However, on the 2-year death anniversary of my brother, I went to see her, as my parents are currently abroad, and I needed an emotional anchor. We spent the day, we had a nice date, we cooked together, and we had a great time. Toward the end of the night, before I had to go back, we sat outside, and for some reason I felt compelled to tell her what happened with my brother and how it left an unfixable scar in my life. During the story, she wasn't really talking, but in the middle I noticed that she was softly crying. Quiet enough that I could barely notice. I'd never had anyone cry for me before, and even other close friends I had told had never responded in such a way. I don't think she understood how much that meant to me; she's been so compassionate and so understanding and so supportive of me. She cries for me and reassures me, and she affirms my feelings. Hearing "that must've been so hard for you" just kind of broke something in me, and when I arrived back home, I ugly cried.

I know it's only 9 months into the relationship, and I'm just a college student, but I love her so much, and honestly, even though it's so early, I want to marry her so bad. She's been such an incredible person, and I honestly don't know if I even deserve her, and it feels like I've gotten one step closer to being able to become emotionally vulnerable again.

Salmon, Avocado, Cucumber Gimbap we made together!

Edit 1: We have been together for more than a year and a half.

Edit 2: We are both older than 30 and this was not a random ass Chinese restaurant but rather one that she always talked about. Tbh, she had never told me why :(

Edit 3: Of course, it was not that she had an ex or she stated that she had an ex that infuriated me but that obviously she kept on and on mentioning for neverending minutes how she loved him etc.

Guys, I’d been planning this for weeks. I found a nice Chinese restaurant, ordered a massive Ginger and Scallion Crab, and had the ring in my pocket.

My plan was to wait until after dinner, get down on one knee, and make it a night she’d never forget for ages (or so I thought). Halfway through the meal I told her how much I loved the place and how special I wanted tonight to be.

She looked at me and said, “Oh, I’ve been here before. My ex brought me here once.” Then she spent the next 20 minutes telling me how much she used to love him, she enjoyed being with him etc. I don’t think she realized how much that sentence hurt. I just sat there for a moment, trying to process it with the ring in my pocket and this stupid smile on my face.

Long story short, I lost all my nerve. We finished what we could, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay much longer. I told her I was tired, we went our separate ways, and I drove home feeling absolutely crushed.

PS: For those curious, I did not propose her that night and I am not planning to, at least for a while.

1. Never married, no kids (thank Christ).
   I’m a fucking car detailer. The other day, one of our rental customers left a dead rat in a box in a van that sat in the sun for a few hours. Don’t ask why. When I opened said box after feeling its weight shift around I wanted to walk out of there. When I was a kid I remember people asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. If that kid saw me now I don’t know what he would say.

Ten years ago I was thinking about killing myself. It’s been an entire decade and I’m still not convinced that’s NOT the best course of action, especially given this nightmarish fucking technological Orwellian surveillance state we’re watching being constructed here in the states.

Not to mention I found out a while ago I was served at my old house. I think if I end up dealing with it at all I’m going to try and file bankruptcy. Yay.

I have no idea why I’m on this earth, man. I’m hanging on by a thread here and I feel selfish even saying that because I know all of my problems are first world and there are people getting blown up and shit (which my tax dollars apparently fund) and god only knows what else.

But you know what, suffering is relative, isn’t it?

Meat and cheese on an old paper plate in a disgusting microwave. Analogous to my existence.

edit: I’m sorry this wasn’t the most coherent post for you people. I just got home from working and it was a stream of consciousness type thing. I didn’t expect anyone to really read it, and if i was Hemingway I wouldn’t be a detailer now would I?

All of you that are encouraging I really appreciate it. Some of these replies I really needed to read.

Me and my wife have been arguing a lot lately about her friend and the way she always has to be her superhero. It’s starting to involve me now because she keeps making her friend’s life problems her own.
Example: her friend was sick and decided to go to the hospital. She told her own husband to stay home and watch the kids, but he ignored her and went to work anyway. So of course she called my wife, and my wife dropped everything to go help.
This isn’t a one-time thing. Any time that friend needs anything—big or small—my wife hops up and runs to the rescue. I finally made the comment, “I wish you jumped like that when I need help with something.” That started an argument. I ended up saying I’m tired of her getting so involved in her friend’s problems. The friend is a grown, married adult. She should be figuring this stuff out herself (or with her own husband).
Now we’re in a bigger fight about it.
Am I wrong for having this stance?

Food: porterhouse steak medium well with onion rings

Beef steak with potato gratin and spinach at a restaurant for my 38 birthday.

I'm still processing the talk we had yesterday. It was a long talk about our intimacy. We have been married for 10 years, together for 16 years. We have two kids with my wife (3 and 5 years old), and since we have kids, we barely have moments together, intimacy, let alone sex. And we fought a lot about the educational method to use for our children, although this issue is now almost solved with psychologists and efforts from both sides.

I've always been the one initiating sex in our couple, and the one leading through it. I thought it was just because she was used to sex like that, and that she preferred I do most of the work. In intimacy I thought I was a caring partner, trying to please my partner first, not rushing to penetrate her, taking care of her erogenous zones. I'm happy when my partner is, I'm a pleaser. And I feel like I have to be one anyway since I I finish too quickly in bed.

The frequency of our intercourses has declined over time from 3 times a week to 3 times a year. With the fatigue of dealing with young children, and the difficulties we had with their education, it can be understood. And it's been years since we didn't really have fun doing it. I masturbate about 4 times a week to blow off some steam, but I'm still sad about how the situation has evolved.

During this talk, I requested to understand her better. To know how we can improve this situation that does not satisfy her or me. She explained to me that what she needs are special moments together, more non-erotic caresses that don't lead to sex, and more kindness between us. That was fine by me, we need that indeed to be a couple again. I also like romance, and we lost it with the kids.

What I didn't expect however is to discover she basically never enjoyed sex with me, and considered it a duty. But she was okay with that because I am smart, have other qualities and "she can't have it all".

She's told me her sex toy can be as pleasurable as me going down on her, so she doesn't see the point. She hates that caresses lead to sex, and that I focus on her lips, her breasts or her crotch. That when we have sex, she asks me to penetrate her just so that it can be over with quicker. Not because she wants it. And she just fake it until I come, which thankfully doesn't take that long.

She told me the last times we had sex, she ended up crying later because she didn't want to receive penetration, but has asked for it and done it anyway because that's what women have to do. That she fantasize about other men during intimacy because she has no desire for me, and she feels bad for it. That whenever she's pleased me with her mouth, she felt degraded and imagined her boss or someone else forcing her. But she felt obliged do it to reciprocate one time out of twenty, since I go down on her almost everytime.

So I was upset. To know that I've actually hurt her when I thought she was enjoying it. To know she has absolutely no sexual desire for me, not even a small hidden one, that can be retrieved by taking care of her. To know she was faking it and forcing herself almost every time, while we could have tried to work things out way before. To understand that I wasn't a pleaser at all, while pleasing her was what I thought I enjoyed the most in bed.

All because of her outdated scheme of thoughts as regards sex ("I have to open my legs otherwise he'll leave, and as long as he comes he's happy"). And because I was fucking oblivious to how much she forced herself and faked liking it while having no desire for me, while I my first concern was in contrary to please her in bed.

The talk ended with her asking me why is sex so important to me, because we could just cuddle. I never realized her sex drive has been this low all the time and that I was forcing her into sex, without any pleasure. I thought I was a pleaser in bed. The irony.

So yeah when I was 11 my parents had a nasty divorce. My dad made no effort to keep in touch with myself and my older sister. He was in the house one day, and then gone later that day when he was removed by the sheriff's office. He never tried to talk to either one of us. He paid alimony and child support but for all intents and purposes was absent from then on. This was in 1995. I tried to talk to him a few times over the years but that never went anywhere so I closed the door.

One day when I was 29 years old I got a letter from him asking about resuming the relationship. I said yes to it in spite of the psychological damage sustained over the years. I thought it would complete that missing part of me. And it did for awhile anyway. He seemed reliable and like he had grown as a person compared to the younger version of him I had remembered for better or worse.

We had disagreements over the years but nothing that couldn't be moved on from.

Till I met my current partner. She lived overseas and I decided to take a chance and move to Sweden to be with her. The move was worth it. I have bipolar disorder on top of CPTSD and I had just crashed out of another job where the stress did me in. When I told my dad he was vehemently opposed to it. This was a man who always told me I had to do what's best for myself rather than what other people think about it. However when I did precisely that, he stopped talking to me.

That was a year ago.

I emailed him recently to sort out getting my motorcycle sold. It's still in his garage. After the dealership low-balled me on an offer, I told him I wanted to explore a private sale as I could get more money doing that. He responded telling me I better not give his phone number and address out unless it's to a dealer that is coming to pick the bike up. I responded that why would I accept a lower offer than what it's worth just to make it easier for him? He never responded.

I was 11 when he walked out the first time.

I was 29 when he showed up again.

I was 41 when he went silent again.

I learned my lesson.

A leopard doesn't change its spots. It's hard to believe a grown man can act the way he does, but sure enough he has chosen to act this way.

I mostly can't wait till he dies because it feels like that's the only way this all will come to a conclusion. It's funny, I used to care about getting an inheritance from him. I no longer do. He can shove his millions up his ass. Nothing can ever fix the things he's done to me.

The good thing is my partner was worth moving for. I have no regrets. I just wish I wasn't so sick because it leaves me with a lot of time to think since I don't currently work any longer. But I still have hopes and dreams regardless of all of that.

Pictured: beef ribs, Mac and cheese, coleslaw, and corn on the cob.

Off the top, I want to say that I'm not great at articulating my thoughts at the best of times and this whole situation isn't the best of times. I'm probably going to take multiple hours and numerous attempts to phrase things right and express myself accurately, but I'll probably still trip up somewhere. So if I say something that comes across poorly, I can guarantee I didn't mean it that way. There will also be some discussion of NSFW topics, but I'll avoid going into much detail and keep it as brief as possible.

My wife and I have been married for a good while. This year was our 16 year anniversary. We have a child who is at the early stages of being a teenager, which has come with all of the fun things associated with that. The other day, one of our child's friends invited them to meet up at a nearby park to hang out. That sounded great so I dropped them off at the park. The park is within walking distance of my wife's childhood home (but not our current home) and somewhere she had visited extensively growing up.

An hour or so after I dropped our child off, my wife texted me asking what they and their friend were even doing at the park (spoiler alert: they were just hanging out. Walking around and talking) because she was worried that being a pair of young teenagers they might be getting up to "shenanigans". I wasn't as worried about it because while they are in the early stages of being a stereotypical teenager, our child has never really been one to get up to any serious shenanigans. I asked what kind of shenanigans they could even get into at a public park like the one they were at. Her response was:

"I got into lots of shenanigans at <park name>. They (child) aren't slutty, but you can still get into plenty."

Now that we've reached the inciting incident, I feel like I need have a little sidebar for some background. Like I said earlier, my wife and I have been married for a while. We met and started dating when we were both at the tail end of being teenagers ourselves. She was my first girlfriend, but she had a number of boyfriends before me. I had no issue with that, or at least I thought I didn't until recently. And I know that people change over time. She's not the same person she was during the start of our relationship or even the early years of our marriage, and neither am I the same person I was back then.

Unfortunately, there's been a rather persistent issue in our relationship surrounding expression of affection, specifically physical affection. To make a long story short, a lot of the time I feel more like a roommate than a husband. Someone that my wife enjoys hanging out with well enough, but not someone that she loves and values enough to spend the rest of her life with.

This also extends to our sex life. While she seems to enjoy it when we are intimate, it also feels like something that she could take or leave. I feel like if it were up to her, we would only have sex once every couple of months, and only if I do most/all of the work. We even got to the point where we scheduled it for a specific day of the week, but it still only happens if I make it happen.

Now, the glaringly obvious solution is to talk to her about this. Which I have. Repeatedly. I've tilted at that particular windmill more often than I care to remember. Things get better for a while, then slowly slide back to the way they were after a month or two.

Back to the inciting incident for this particular story, something about her comment and the casual way she threw it out has gotten under my skin in a way I can't get over. And I know I'm making Olympus Mons out of a pinch of dirt. Again, I know that she's a different person now than she was back when she was getting up to shenanigans in the park. Hell, I know the shenanigans might not have been her idea to begin with and I would never want to pressure her into something she doesn't want to do.

But a casual off-hand comment about how she used to be has just broken my brain or something. I know it sounds stupid, but it feels like saying that she could be different, just not for me. Like I'm not worth putting in the extra effort for. I just... I don't know. It's all stupid and I know it's stupid, but it's also making me feel like utter garbage.

Food is some beef fried rice and egg rolls from a local asian food place.

breakfast: count chocula in a mason jar and a blt with avocado he made me

this sounds so unbelievably made up i can’t believe it. it all started last night, where I hyperfixated on reading through old (1920s-1970s) local newspapers for fun. we live in a community where cars left on the street get towed, and he parked on the street to let me park in the driveway when I got home.

so, newspapers. I was reading these newspapers from like.. 5:30pm to 12am. because of that, I forgot to remind him to park the car (he has bad AuDHD and recently started new non-stimulant meds), combined with him playing league so his brain no worky.

we go to bed, and I gotta pee, and he doesn’t want to wait so he decides, like a lot of men, to pee into the shower. our 4 month old kitten, as curious as a kitten is, was walking on our tub deck (kinda like a kitchen counter with an undermounted tub) and…. walked up to him. seeing this, i went, i stg if you pee on her. and what would you know, she actually went straight into the stream like a kid waiting for the big bucket at a waterpark.

so, immediately, i told him he’s bathing her, so he goes through the bathing ritual, shampoo and water.
through the closed door I go “——, you can’t pee on the cat” like bear from obsession. the kitten very much appreciated the towel burrito and blow dryer. second pic kitten.

anyways, this all happening at like 9:40ish, made us forget once again the truck had to be moved within 20 minutes, so we went to bed.

at 10:20, I hear the sound of heavy chains and shackles, and we look at each other in horror, and ask, did you park the car? no. the answer was no.

instead of taking the time to put clothes on, as I don’t want dude to drive away, I run out wearing boxers and a tshirt. dude is more than happy to take the chain off my car for a nominal fee of 150$. partner is beyond angry. he, thankfully, doesn’t blow up at the dude, and instead walks back inside and slams the door. I reluctantly pay the dude 150, he unchains my car or whatever its called, and partner puts the truck in the driveway.

partner has very bad control with his emotions, and was ready to sock the guy. he handled it quite well, and took 15 minutes to calm down, before i told him if he can’t, i’m going to force feed him ice cream to cool him off.

such a wacky adventure. i’m honestly quite happy with myself for how I handled it, because I didn’t get angry or freak out, or start yelling at him for not moving the car like I would have in the past. I’m happy that he learned two valuable lessons: do not pee in the bathtub, and park the car when you get home. I’m also happy with how he handled his anger episode.

anyways. hope you enjoyed this silly goddamn story. i can’t believe it happened, it sounds so unreal, but maybe thats what made it easy to handle? the absurdity made it comical.

I’ve been smoking since I was 14, I’m 27 now. and I have officially quit smoking weed. It’s only been two days and I need help and support. It’s hard to go to people that I know. until them that need support because I don’t wanna seem weak it’s only day two and I can’t even go 30 minutes without wanting to smoke a ball or a joint or something I guess I just wanna hear other people’s stories and have a little bit of support from random people so I can read and have something to look forward to and update people so I’m more dedicated and structured to not want to smoke

Incredible trip, incredible wife.
Marry the right one boys....

dinner:
tacos. tilapia pan fried with seasoning. avocados, pickled onions, sour cream and pico de gallo

yesterday was a doozy - my partner posted earlier but said i should post my pov

got home - parked on the street. lately I’ve been parking on the street since me and my partner recently put up halloween decorations - and the truck can no longer be parked in its normal parking spot.

anywhos
partner relaxed on couch - i cleaned. they werent feeling up to eating yesterday - so i just cooked for myself. reheated some reuben from a diner

after eating was on my computer playing a game on and off all night. id play a game (30-40 minutes) then hang out on the couch for 30-40 minutes to take a breather and watch the simpsons with my partner. ended up falling asleep on the couch at some point. woke up and it was 9:30? woke up partner and I walked toward the bedroom. took my pants down and went to pee - partner said “nonono - i gotta pee” reluctantly held in my pee for them as they proceeded to sit on the toilet  and i myself shimmied over to the only other orifice that connects to the waste line - the tub.

mind you - ive been drinking 4x my normal water amount since being on this new medicine - so ive been having alot of pee all the time

so during my almost minute long stream, my kitten jumps up to the tub, and decided it was a great day to take a shower. a golden shower XD. jumed up right into my stream line. i was still full stream as she then waltzed through covering her whole body, and nearly got away before my partner just finished what they were doing and snatched the cat- proceeded to laugh and tell me that the cat needed a shower now - and it was for me to clean. i agreed - also laughing. until the shower came, and the cat who didnt want to shower was clawing at my legs to get tf out.

after a lather and a rinse - cat was dried in a towel and a hair dryer
exhausted after having to catch the cat from jumping out the tub about 3 times - decided it was time for bed. 

 then out of nowhere - heard some loud banging. chains. chains on metal? oh shit, the HOA’s lapdog predatory tow truck was here. i left the truck on the street. oops.  in our underwear, we jump out of bed and bolt outside. guy said “im already hooked up” and said to release the chains- he wanted 150 bucks. in my mind, rushing adrenaline, he was about to pull my car through the parking break, that was in park. he would have quite literally broke the transmission- or damaged it if he proceeded? i hate the HOA, and especially shitty contracted towing trucks. i was so mad, my blood pressure was really high, i couldnt thknk straight. clear indicator i shouldnt be involved in this situation anymore. so i said i needed to go inside and cool off. 

took me like… 20-30 minutes to cool down. thankfully partner was able to take care of it - i was on the verge of splooting. walked back and forth in the hallways for a bit trying to exhaust myself, ended up in the kitchen to drink water and cool down. at some point they came and tried to partner threatened to force feed me ice cream or to go to bed. i decided i didnt want to be force fed. came inside -

so $150 and a scratchy shower - had a night we can look back on and laught at.

Ramen dinner.

I was bantering with a girl on an app and admittedly I was on a roll and being pretty funny. She gave me her number this morning unprompted and said “if ya wanted to ask me out.” So I text her, ask her when she’s free, she says she’s free tonight. Great! I pick a bar near her and ask if 7 works, she agrees, exclamation points, good vibes, a bit more banter, etc. 5:30 rolls around and she cancels because she’s exhausted, although I’m pretty sure she had implied earlier that today was her day off. Not sure what to make of this, I’m guessing either she got cold feet or a better option popped up. Dating is annoying.

This was exactly where Will was sitting, 2022, shops were just starting to phase out masks and let people dine in again... we never hung out much, but we had shared history from high school.

We'd met in a special class called "Healthy Choices", which, as you may guess, was a class for kids who were close to dropping out of high school. We were part of the last class in the program before it was discontinued, it was a small class, like 12 of us, the teacher was also the Catering instructor. Super chill guy, there was a workbook we technically had, but the teacher told us, "They're cancelling this class, so forget the workbook, we're just gonna have a group chat, everyone gets a turn to talk about their life."

And that was the class. For the final, the teacher took the day off and had a substitute show up to play, "The Breakfast Club" for us, breaking the deal I'd made with him to let us watch, "Freddy Got Fingered". 😀

We both were known for dating girls that were too good for us, and never stepped on each others toes. He was a true friend, every time I was feeling down after a breakup or anything, he'd say the most over-the-top compliments that any bro could give another bro.

"No woman is good enough for you" He'd say.

"You have the deepest blue eyes of any man who's ever lived, the most flawless skin, a smile that could kill an angel, the most perfect juicy lips that no woman deserves." Etc., etc.

No matter how down I was, he always had a sense of humor that would cheer me up. Dude was hilarious.

So anyways, I walked into the Jewish Bakery, and he immediately waved me over, "******* Get over here man! WATSUP!" He said, leaning sideways in his chair, SUPREME t-shirt, ripped jeans, he was red in the face because the methadone clinic had just upped his dosage, and he had a half-eaten Reuben sandwich in front of him, with a bag of weed out while he struggled to roll a joint from being in such a sloppy state.

I smiled and sat down, the scene was ludicrous. The only reason he wasn't being asked to leave was because he'd definitely tipped the girls working more than what the room full of Boomers had collectively given from their stingy change-clinging fists... and said Boomers were clearly struggling to avoid the elephant in the room.

He was happy to see me, but he always had this look on his face, it was this pain that showed through, I never knew how much pain he was in until he was gone.

The last I heard from him, he'd gotten sober (besides weed), and cleared rehab, he was excited to move to Portland and had a job lined up trimming weed, I think it may have been his first job that wasn't working for family.

About abyear later, it was Valentine's Day, which was also his birthday... 2023, I was feeling down about a very slow-burn breakup, saw the Facebook reminder about his birthday, and posted something... that was when someone I'd never met replied, Will was dead, he'd been gone for almost a year, he died about 2 months after getting out of rehab, I was struggling with money and heartbreak for so long, I hadn't reached out earlier...

It reminded me, one time, I was hitting on a girl over Snapchat, and received a picture message from her account.... it was Will, he'd fingerpainted a sign that said, "I ❤️ You (my name)". I'll never remember that moment and not smile. Later he said, "She's not good enough for you. Trust me."

I always put a lot of work into Valentine's Day for my girlfriends, it felt like a personal mission, because the town I was born in invented Valentine's Day... so the years where I was single used to hurt, I used to rerun my memories, blame myself... but none of that hurt like how it felt to find out he was gone, to know he'd BEEN gone for over a year, and I was too f*cking selfish to reach out and see how he was doing... to cheer him on, and that I'd never have that opportunity again.

He'd always say, "You're going to be the Mayor, you're going to be a Congressman, you're going to change the World."

I never got to say goodbye, and I don't even know where his grave is, because his family scattered his ashes in a local park, with no marker... I know the hill, but I haven't been up there to look or try to guess exactly where they scattered his ashes, I'm disabled because of an injury, and that's a long walk of pain, just to feel lost at the top... but I think I feel ready to go and take a look, you know, just to listen to the wind, to see the view, even if I can't find his exact resting place.

If you read this far, I hope you're reminded of a good friend, and I hope they're out there for you to reunite with. And for all the Bros on here struggling with a relationship or heartbreak, I'm going to say,

"Stay Blessed King, You Deserve Better."

I’m selling my home. It was a lot of work but it looks beautiful. We had one open house and 165 people came. We received 13 offers and sold for $100,000 over what we listed it for. We were ecstatic. The first offer we accepted backed out after 3 days. They said they didn’t like the solar terms and just cancelled. So we went with the backup offer. They immediately started nitpicking everything. The house is totally fine and well maintained. But they trashed it and ended up backing out. They said they were worried about flooding - I live in socal far from any water. So I did some digging and found out they realized they can’t afford the house and that’s why they backed out. Now I have this beautiful house that looks like something is wrong with it. We tried to move to the next offers but everyone acting like some serious issue was discovered now and the value of my home is sinking because of irresponsible buyers.

On top of that everyone always puts everything on me. The realtors and my wife and her family. But they all get together and have their ideas without me and then all dump it all on me. On one hand I’m grateful to be able to sell my home and get a lot of money and buy something nicer, but on the other I’m so stressed over this I’m about to just cancel the whole thing and just live here in my home I love that I never really wanted to sell in the first place but am selling because my wife wants to spend more money in a more expensive area. Yesterday I was so stressed I drove to a bass pro shop and just walked around for 2 hours looking at fishing stuff. That felt good.

I’m eating scrambled eggs with avocado on some toasted bread. Chives on top.

A slice of stuffed pizza from last night's dinner.

I just posted on this subreddit, mostly venting about how overwhelming everything was and how I was the only thing keeping the apartment afloat, yadda yadda whatever.

The same day that I posted that, my girlfriend came home and broke up with me.

About 4 weeks ago, my girlfriend saw some messages on my laptop. They were from a friend I had known for a while, who I had previously been flirty with. However, as soon as me and my now ex-gf started talking, I stopped any sort of flirting. They last messaged me 2 months ago trying to flirt with me, and I said that what they were offering was cute (they wanted to do some sort of threesome or poly thing) and I was flattered, but I'm taken and committed.

When she saw these messages, me and her ended up talking about it that night. She was frustrated and upset that I didn't block them, and honestly I can understand being upset about it. However, we talked it over, kissed and hugged it out, and we set a boundary where if people try to flirt, even if they're friends, we block them. I ended up blocking them that night, and thought nothing more of it.

Over the next few weeks she started going to her friend's house more often, coming home later than when she said she would, and staying with her sister and her step-family for days at a time. Whenever she came home, she'd always look tired, and I always tried to be there for her and spend time with her in a way that wasn't too overwhelming.

Last Tuesday, I was at work, and I realized we hadn't gone out on a date in a while. She was still with her step-family, so I messaged her and asked how movies and dinner after sounded. She didn't want to do the movies, but seemed more than happy to have a dinner date on Saturday.

When I got home after work that night I was resting in my room when she came home, looking visibly drained. I asked if she had fun, and she said she did, and after that I asked if she was okay. Less than a minute after walking into our room, she told me that she wanted to move in with her step-family. She said that there would be "a lot of opportunities for her to get a job and make friends" with them. Now, this is all after I worked my ass off to get her a job interview at my old work and her refusing to interact with my roommates even though they invited her to do things repeatedly. I asked what that meant for us, although I pretty much already knew. She said that:

"After you broke that boundary, I lost my trust in you"

I asked her if we could work through this, and that I didn't know it was a boundary for her before then.

"My brain doesn't work like that, once my trust in someone is broken it can never be regained. I'm moving out this weekend."

At this point in time, I started breaking down. I couldn't cry, but I was practically heaving and was shaking like crazy. I was begging, saying that I was sorry, I didn't realize that it was such a boundary for her, that I'd show her I have them blocked and haven't said anything to anyone for the entire time we've been together. She refused, and instead said that:

"You aren't ready for a relationship"

She left the apartment and went to walk in the park near us. I didn't know what to do, it was such a punch to the gut. I went downstairs where my roommates were, grabbed a half empty handle of alcohol and started drinking it as I sobbed harder than I ever had before, telling my roommates everything that happened. I showed them the messages, and they were pissed off. Not at me, but at her.

When she came back, I was in my room on our bed finishing off the bottle and she came and laid on our bed. She acted as if nothing was wrong, just started scrolling through instagram. I had already cried so much I couldn't cry anymore, so I was just in shock. I offered her a drink, and she took it, taking a few swigs before I finished the rest off. I ended up falling asleep, but woke up after just under 2 hours. Neither of us could sleep that night, both of us just tossing and turning. I dont know why I thought it'd be a good idea to sleep in the same bed, but throughout the night she'd keep scooting closer to me and looking at me before turning away and scooting towards the wall.

I called off of work the next day, largely due to no sleep, and because I was still tipsy. The day was quiet, with neither of us talking to each other and largely just ignoring the other. I ended up asking why she broke up with me like that, and she told me she had been "building up the courage" ever since we talked about the messages she saw.

Apparently, my roommates told her to leave without my knowledge. She told me she was leaving because "your roommates don't want me here", and packed up her clothes before being picked up by her step-dad.

She picked up the rest of her things on Saturday.

The days since then have been a massive range of emotions for me. I only just stopped crying on Sunday, and even that took some effort. She's calling me a cheater to her friends and family, even though I have the messages to prove I'm not. I should've blocked them, yes. I absolutely should've cut it off immediately when they started flirting, but I never reciprocated past a playful "wouldn't that be nice, but nah I'm taken". Her brother called me at work and started sending me death threats. I'm just tired of it all. I want her back, I can't stand the idea of hating her, but she also shattered my entire world in an instant and it hurt so much.

I fully believed that it could've been fine if it was just a conversation, something along the lines of "I'm still feeling uncomfortable about those messages I saw, can we talk about it and show me you blocked them".

Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent about this. So much has happened in just the past week. My family and friends have been amazingly supportive and have really helped me get through this, and after talking about it with them it's helped me realize just how quickly she jumped the gun and threw it all away.

Edit: I feel like I should add some context. She's bipolar and doesn't take her meds regularly, although I've been trying to help her get into the habit of taking them every morning. I'm not saying this to excuse what she did, but it would explain the abruptness of it. Also, for those of you saying she was cheating, I don't think she was. Out of everything, I trusted her in that regard. The friend she was with is a girl she's known since middle school.

I (33) am dating my current girlfriend (35), who has 3 awesome boys that are slowly becoming my minions. I work for a big retail store (the BIG one) and when my kids want something, I have to hold back as much as I can because I don't make enough money to get them the things I think they would like. Because of that, I feel like I am failing them because I remember that feeling of when I was young, not being able to get all the things I would like because my parents didn't make a lot either. I wasn't ungrateful for what I had, but I made dumb decisions because of missing out on things. I don't want them to make the same decisions I made.

TLDR- My partner/favorite person in the universe came out after 13 years together. I can’t tell anyone for a while, and it’s crushing me. I’m also going through this sober which sucks even more.

Edit- She didn't know, growing up hardcore religious does things to a person's ability to see all possibilities. I know that this was an incredibly hard thing for her to do, and no she hasn't been cheating. I appreciate all of the well meaning comments, but I genuinely don't want advice. I want to be heard.

Edit 2- Again, I know a lot of the comments are well meaning, but I may delete this. I just want to be heard. For some additional context, this person stuck with me after some of the worst days/months/years of my life. I was raped in college and went full hate-the-world MGTOW/redpill. This woman met me like a year into that journey and loved me anyway. She saw my anger and clocked it for what it was, a deep and unprocessed hurt. I didn't even know what to call my experience when we initially met. I had a lot of hang ups around sex for the first few years of our relationship, and she was incredibly kind when navigating that. She introduced me to animal fostering, coffee, and a new outlook on the world. This relationship has made me a better person, and she has earned goodwill.

Edit 3 (final) - Thank you to everyone who messaged with your experiences. My partner is someone I want in my life, even after I'm done referring to her as such. This post did prompt me to talk to her about setting a timeline and expectations. We're going to be living together for the foreseeable future for a variety of reasons (I'm on contract, we live away from our family support systems, we have an elderly rescue dog that's been around for most of our relationship, etc...) She also told her brother so I don't have to keep putting on the act at home. Side note, he's a great dude. And we agreed to call our parents separately before we update the rest of our friends about our relationship.

Dinner is Pineapple Fried Rice

I’ve (35M) been with my fiance (37F) for 13 years. She is my favorite human, my best friend, and I’ve loved building our little life together. Last weekend she told me she’s gay. I am doing my best to be supportive, which includes keeping this under wraps until she has enough time to figure out what this means for her. For example, she’d like to go to some LGBTQ events, book clubs, and other places where she can find a place to fit in. 

We have a lot of LGBTQ+ friends, and a lot of family who are at varying levels of anti-gay (my family). Going public with this means we’re going to have to deal with both at the same time. A lot of our bi and lesbian friends are definitely going to be weird around my partner (they’ve been openly attracted to her ever since we moved here), and my family is going to assume the worst about her. I’m already mentally preparing for my mom to ask me about whether I’m going to demand the engagement ring back. There’s going to be a lot of people asking a lot of questions, and frankly I don’t think either of us are ready to manage all of that.

The only exception to this vow of secrecy is a few close friends of mine who live out of state, which my partner agreed to since she knows that I need support too. Otherwise, I feel like the majority of my life at this point is putting on an act. I have to pretend I’m fine at work. I have to pretend I’m fine to our mutual friends. And since her brother lives with us, I even have to pretend I’m fine at home (he’s definitely going to tell her whole family once he finds out). Home is the hardest one because there’s still hugs, kisses, and I love yous. 

I feel like I’m breaking. There’s a black hole in my chest. 

I also can’t escape. Neither of us can afford the life we’ve built together if we separate. And if I’m being honest with myself, I don’t want to leave her. I haven’t had many relationships in my life, but the few I’ve had tended to last longer than most other people my age. I’m a painfully monogamous person and outside of one outlier in college, my relationships have all been relatively low drama and incredibly calm. My partner is the embodiment of calm comfort.

The darker side to all of this; for the last few years our intimacy has dwindled down to 1-2 times a year, and it always felt like it was something she was doing explicitly for me (makes a lot of sense now). It made me feel inadequate and it brought up some bad memories from an experience I had in college (SA). I told her that it bothered me, but at some point I kind of just accepted that everything else in my life was so good that I’d be willing to go without. This led to me drinking whenever I felt lonely. 

That turned into drinking nearly every night since COVID quarantine ended. She didn’t call me out often because she knew the topic of intimacy would come up, and I didn’t bring up intimacy because I knew it would make her uncomfortable and that I’d just end up feeling inadequate or triggered anyway. I never got to the point of stumbling around making a fool of myself or being hungover at work, but I’ve definitely been known to pass out on the couch a few times a week.

I guess if there’s a silver lining to any of this, I poured all of my IPAs down the sink two nights ago. So on top of dealing with everything that’s going on, I’m doing it sober. 

In any case, this feels like as good a place as any to put this down where someone else can know what’s going on. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to curl up in a ball and disappear for a few years. I’m a very social person with a lot of great people in my life, and I can’t let nearly any of them know that my world is dissolving. Worse, I just completed a grad program so everyone has been excitedly asking about what I’m doing with all of my newfound free time. 

I desperately want to tell them that I’ve been knocked down and there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to get back up again. The thought of staying stoic while I send her off like a kid going to her first day of school, knowing she’s going to find someone there that isn’t me; it feels like I’m being torn in half. I love her and want her to have what she needs, but she also has my whole heart and I don't want her to let it go.

I’m 22 years old and straight up… Dudes just aren’t allowed to talk about any male dating struggle especially the struggles surrounding looks. They get made fun of or told just go workout and fix yourself. Why are guys the only people who are not allowed to complain about anything. My cousin is 18 and my uncle gave him the work on yourself and girls will give you a chance talk. He did all of that and developed actual hobbies, still gets rejected because he is short for his age (5’2.) Once no other advice worked he was finally told “oh it’s because of the stuff you repost on social media” yeah I’m sure his beliefs are such a big deal. Hell, I also get rejected a lot despite expanding my personality. I’m not saying anyone else should be blamed for shortcomings, I’m just saying we should be able to vent lol

Cheese and grandma pepperoni slice, with a coke zero.

Met my fiance last year. She's literally perfect for me as a partner. Everything I've ever wanted physically and mentally. I proposed to her a few weeks ago because I genuinely wanna spend my life with her. But I'm just so bothered by how things have regressed in the bedroom.

We used to have sex almost every day for 4 months. In the mornings and nights, mix of naughty and love making. Fast forward to about 3 months ago it started to get so much worse. She claims she's never been a very sexual person, and those first 4 months were her coming out of a "dry spell". We've had talks about my needs, and nothing has seemed to change. I'm trying to be sympathetic, she's uncomfortable with her body now. She's gained about 20 lbs since we first met, but so have I. Happy relationship weight. I know she's not cheating, we live together, come home from our separate jobs together. I'm just at a loss at what to do. Is this just my life now? Waiting around for her to finally get in the mood for 5 minutes of whatever ? Her stamina is not great either lately. I'll finish her off first, and then I've got a solid 5 min window to either finish or not. It's horribly frustrating. Going on week 3 of no play.

I have a really high sex drive, and I don't want her to feel bad. I just have needs. Any advise fellas?

Dated an absolutely gorgeous woman for 10 incredibly fun years, we were madly in love, I still am, then she banged some dude after we got into a pretty heated but healthy argument, which I found out from a buddy and when I asked her, she denied, then when I said I knew because X told me, she just said whatever and that she didn’t love me anymore. It’s wild because a few days before she banged the guy we went on a date and it was genuinely so wholesome and we had amazing sex. We live together and it hurts me so much hearing her call her little fuck buddy and make plans. I love her so much and essentially told her that when she’s done being a child, I’ll wait. I feel like such a fucking idiot for even offering it and I’m considering telling her I changed my mind.

What would you do?

Long rant, thought I’d join the trend of broken relationships. Me (25m) and my fiancé (26f) have been together for just over 3 years now, living together for most of that time and now it’s ending.

Really though she would be the one, we had fights over the last few years but were always able to come together and talk it through but a few months ago things drastically changed.

About 5 months ago she broke off a relationship with a college friend who was a pretty big part of her life but she was growing resentful of. After this my fiancé started to seem off, became more spaced out, angrier and quicker to snap at things, and sometimes couldn’t keep a train of thought. We talked and she said I was reading into things and not to worry.

A few weeks after that her mental state was becoming more stressed and paranoid due to being bullied at work, long hours, and lack of sleep. She got some time off work and ended up going into credit card debt over travel expenses (about $2.5 thousand).

A month after this she got sent home from work early due to her supervisor being concerned about her behavior and seemingly drunk (I know she wasn’t actually intoxicated) and then was told to not come in for a few days.

The next day I was taking a nap and was woken up by my fiancé who said “I think I made the land lords upset”. Long story short she went around the neighborhood trying to open random car doors and then did it our landlord whose car was unlocked. She went in the car took a garage clicker and a cross then opened the garage with the clicker which is when landlords ran out and confronted her. It took hours of begging on my part to not get kicked out or have criminal charges pressed (we are on a month to month lease). She still doesn’t think what she did was wrong and said she did it because she thought Taylor Swift was hiding in one of the cars.

I’m a bit hazy on the next order of events but over the next few days she goes back to work (as a USPS mail carrier), takes mail home with her, confesses to stealing the mail, starts to get investigated for the felony charge, is forced to quit or get a felony and possible jail time. Shows no remorse and just talks about how they take the mail too seriously.

Over time she becomes more manic and paranoid. Thinks everything is a dream or people playing pranks on her. Refuses to see a therapist (which is free thru my work) due to thinking they are all in on the prank. She has no job and is in debt. I’m paying for everything including her car payments and bailing her out of debt which are not cheap and dipping into my savings just to get by while she wants my card to shop at expensive grocery stores.

Two weeks ago I caught her flirting with her old boss via text and saying she “wants to be more than friends” and she blamed it on me for not being with her enough. And by trust and hope felt shattered. I try to talk to her and see if we can work things out but then…

Last week she left for vacation to see her friend in another state and a few days before she was to come home tells me she’s prolonging her trip by a few weeks with no real end date.

Talked to her very little since she left and most times I do it ends quickly or ended up in a fight. Yesterday we had a good talk which resulted in our relationship ending but still living together for now since it’s convenient. I still love and care for her and hope we can stay friends but I finally accepted that we are not the people who will make each other happy.

It’s a dream of mine to explore as much as I can, starting with all the National Parks (37/63 seen so far). I plan to save up for a 5-7 months and then take some time off and move to Alaska for work and get to backpack the national parks there. Thank yall if you made it this far, feels good to have it written down and get to share my story a bit!!

Food: Seamed dumplings, wonton soup and Szechuan beef!!

Edit: Thank you everyone for the support and reality check. Seeing the reactions I definitely grew numb to a lot of the shit going on and just kept hoping to see things get better. For the ones who showed concern, her family has been filled in fully the last week or two and are planning on getting her evaluated by a psychiatrist and hopefully hospitalized when she comes back from her trip since she’s not willing to go on her own. Will definitely be living separately as well now lol. Thank you again for everyone who reached out to me, it’s been very isolating and this was a huge relief ❤️

This is going to be a lot to unpack so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read and give advice. I had to get this out and share it.

I'm in my early 40's and I am so lonely. To give context. I have never had a meaningful romantic relationship in my life. I have had only two situation-ships. One long distance, that didn't work out. Another was with a woman who was cheating on her partner. I ended things with her as soon as I found that out. This and stress at work helped me fall into alcoholism for about two years. I am currently sober.

Outside of that, a handful of first dates where the person I was on the date with did not want to pursue any further.

Now that I am through my 30's and at the age that I am, I feel like my window has closed on finding a meaningful relationship in my life. I would like to meet someone, but, I don't know where to start. Because of what I am writing about, I also feel like there is something wrong with me socially that both my therapists and I have never been able to figure out.

I regularly keep in contact with my family and we have a good relationship. I also have a friend group that usually meets up once a week. We met through all of us wanting to play Dungeons and Dragons and we spend one night a week hanging out and playing. It's the main thing I look forward to each week.

Right now, my schedule is like this. I work 40 hours a week. It's usually in the evenings because I work in retail and I usually will close my store. So, I'm only usually get two nights off a week. I had to beg my Boss to get one of the nights off to see my friends and play D&D. So that leaves me one free night a week.

Not to mention, lately, we have had to cancel our games quite often. Two people in our game are dating and they will sometimes cancel because they have something planned and forget about it until the last minute. Usually they will cancel about a day before or on the day of our game. It's getting quite frustrating. But, they are also my roommates so I don't want to say anything and make our living situation awkward.

Sometimes, I'm pretty mentally drained so I just hang out at home, cook dinner, and play video games on my evening off.

I've tried Bumble and Hinge. The free and paid versions. No one has responded to me on there.

I know I need to put myself out there more, but, I don't know how. At the age that I am, I feel like if I approach someone it will creep them out. I don't even know the appropriate places to meet people. I don't want to go to bars, because, I am sober. My friends have also never tried to set me up with anyone.

I am in therapy. Unfortunately, I have to find a new therapist because the one I was working with had to leave my current medical insurance provider.

The picture is a bowl of Katsudon from a place I found in Tokyo. It's breaded pork cutlet with egg on rice. I just got back from an incredible 10-day vacation there and I really want to go back.

Thank you for taking the time to read and give insight.

UPDATE: I appreciate everyone's responses and support, so much! I think the first step is finding a better work schedule, so I can be more social. I think I just got too comfortable. Thank you!

Turning 31 tomorrow, worked a long list of service jobs and hopping between living with my parents or having more than a few roommates since graduating highschool.

Finally have my own place, a wife I adore, a job that pays enough to live on and isn’t stressing me out when I’m not there.

I even got accepted into an additive manufacturing program in the spring that’s all expenses paid.

Life is beyond Good, I’m blessed in so many ways and I’m glad I get to realize that. I’m content and that’s a great feeling.

Dinner is Homemade pan pizza with green peppers minced garlic and pepperoni paired with a Nuka Cherry.