I'm married, I love my wife, but she's never been in to bondage.

I've always been into bondage, even as a teen I'd create capture games to play with friends before I was even attracted to woman. Since being a young adult the idea of tying someone up, having them helpless in some way has been more appealing than sex. Before meeting my wife this only happened twice, and at the most basic level, with girlfriends who just weren't into it.

Then I met my wife just before going to university. We've been together 20 years and have two amazing children. My libido has never been particularly high, maybe linked to never achieving my true desires. I told her about my kink about two weeks into dating and to her credit once in a blue moon I do tie her up even now, but it's just hands together in front of her, or her ankles tied as we watch TV but only for about 5 minutes. She doesn't enjoy it, she finds it uncomfortable.

I tried talking to her about her kinks, try and like do for her in exchange as it were. She doesn't have any kinks at all, doesn't even want me to dress up, do anything risky. I'm in my early 40s now and about a year ago out of nowhere my libido shot up, I'm horney all the time. At first it was good, I paid her more sexual attention generally and she loved it. But then life, and work and kids all killed it for us really doing much of anything sexual. And obviously bondage was still off the table, bar the odd scarf round the wrists once in a blue moon again.

I love her and I won't cheat. I started writing erotic BDSM stories but I'm a bad writer. I showed her some, and on top of not being bothered she got very upset once one had a none concensual theme so I don't share them with her now. I've started doing a little roleplay over Reddit with strangers, is this cheating? I don't think it is but I know she would disagree.

I just would like once in my life to tie up a woman who enjoyed being in rope. This will never happen. This is my regret and my choice.

Hi everyone
I am just leaving this here.

In the beginning of exploring BDSM and my own sexuality, I met this guy through a common friend at a party. He was sweet, hot, almost double my age. The age gap made me pause at first, but the way he talked and the way he looked at me felt safe enough to try.

He was a Dom & I was a sub. We started slow, then went deeper. From threesomes with other guys he invited, public play, and exhibition, I trusted him completely. I never questioned who the other men were or how far things would go. We met two or three times a month for about a year. Sometimes he stayed at my place. He lived in another town.

One day he was at my place, bathing. Then I saw texts coming in his phone, I never checked his phone but that day I don’t know why but I did. I picked it up and looked. Found out he was married, had a daughter probably older than me.

Cheating was a hard limit for me. I had been clear about it from the first day, had a very rough childhood because of my parents cheating on each other. We had a huge argument, I slapped him and kicked him out of my house.

I cried for days. We were never officially together, but the trust was gone. I still don’t know why, maybe in anger or revenge but few weeks later I went to his place, told his wife everything, and just left. I thought that was the end of it.

Around six or seven months after that, I was back in the same town, staying with a friend. I went out shopping. She saw me. At first she asked my name, like she wasn’t sure it was really me. Before I could realise anything she slapped me hard enough that my ear rang. Things got loud and ugly fast. Someone called the police. Standing there in the middle of a shop, trying to explain to two cops that I was not a prostitute, that I had never blackmailed anyone, that the man who had collared me and shared me for a year was the one who had lied , that was the part that burned the most.

Because by then I already knew the story he had given her. That I was just some girl shaking him down for money. That I was the predator.

I didn’t press charges. I apologised to her once for destroying her life, and walked away. I was finished carrying his mess.

Please ignore any grammatical mistakes, I’m not very good in English.

I crave what I used to have. Being owned, used, abused and loved in every stroke. As a younger girl with not nearly enough experience I can’t help but crave it and want more. Is that normal?

hi! i am f22 and my bf is m24, and when we met he was the vanilla one. Or at least i thought. I've kinda ruined him in different aspects of kink and taught him what I know, however we are beginning to uncover that there are so many more kinks neither of us know about! I'd like to learn, and for some context we have very heavily been over bdsm everything because i am into that myself. So moving beyond bdsm and into specific kinks, what are are some of your guys kinks that you really enjoy. this can be anything from piss kinks to heavy puppy play etc! i just kinda wanna learn some more and explore things with him.

Hii^.^ I recently found out im really into CNC but only if I’m the dominant one, which is funny since im such a sub typically. Im a straight so I just really wanted to know like how would that work exactly (no pegging) ? What could u do to like make it hotter and more CNC? Sorry if this is stuoid I’m kinda new to BDSM and i really think this is hot and wanna try it out one day.

Is group activities worth it, and has anyone done this properly, im guessing it’s a hassle to set up and find the right people,

Wondering how people’s experiences have gone and any stories for me to learn from, the man and women’s pov.

My sub hasn’t had an orgasm in over ten years (when she used to have lots and lots before), because that’s part of our dynamic, and because she wants the pleasure of relief to be all mine. I know it’s an unusually long time, and I praise her for this very often, but I wondered: do others on here experiment with denial and edging too, or did it become a way of life, like it is for us?

Hi all,

I am hoping to find authors, activists or advocates discussing intersectionality in BDSM/kink spaces. Not just historically, but in the current moment.

I want to read and/or discuss with people about education and activism on making the spaces more open to all.

Accessibility, financial restrictions, queer rights support, anti-racist movements, etc.

I personally believe that kink should be available to anyone who wants to participate, within the already well defined boundaries of ‘safe, sane, consensual’ and ‘risk aware consensual kink’.

Thanks ✌🏻

(Also posted in BDSM Psychology)

For those of us who keep our lifestyles private, have you had any awkward close calls or moments when someone caught you? What did you say? I've heard some funny stories ridden with pure cringe and thought this might be a fun topic. Maintenance man walking in on my stash of dildos laying out to dry. My sister getting an accidental glimpse of marks after a night of impact. Guests questioning the use of the anchor points in your ceiling lol I have a friend whose actual mom found a note she wrote to her "mommy" (thankfully it was SFW), and her mom thought it was an odd but sweet note she wrote for her. Haha I want to hear some more!

I’m a Dominatrix and I’m always looking for new, creative, and wicked ways to push my submissive slaves to their limits.
I love being strict, demanding, and keeping my slaves on their toes. But I’m always hungry for fresh ideas!
So, fellow Dommes and kinksters, what are your favorite ways to challenge, tease, punish, or completely test your willing slaves?
I’m curious to hear your most creative ideas!

Hi so I'm sure someone must've already asked this but I couldn't find it.

Basically I'm a soft submissive and don't need every sexual encounter to be kinky. So since dating on bdsm apps/sites hasn't worked out I've tried a regular one and I'm dating someone who I get along with great, who isn't super shy about talking about sex on a surface level but we haven't had sex or talked about our specific preferences.

I've even dropped a funny date story abt having talked abt ball gags and whips on a first date or him making a joke abt me observing the installation and I asked him why it sounds kinky when he says it like that. So he isn't completely clueless but again we haven't had a full conversation yet.

So the big question is...how and when do I bring it up?

I’ve started receiving actual impact play for the first time ever. Here’s the thing, I’ve never had to use my safe word, but there have been times when it REALLY hurts and I was really close. But I’ve never cried.

I brought that up to my Dom and he says I don’t cry probably because I actually like it, but I would be surprised if that’s true.

Granted I do like the idea of using kink toward emotional release, but it’s opened a story loop and more questions for me. Have you experienced this?

So, to start I’m pretty ace and while I have sex with my husband, it’s fairly infrequent (less than he wants but that’s another issue) and I don’t want to have any additional sexual relationships.

About a year ago, a friend of a friend inadvertently fell into this daddy/princess role with me in a just friends, long distance capacity. It was almost a joke a first but over time I found I really enjoyed the emotional comfort, praise/rewards, structure, check ins, etc he provided, and he enjoyed helping me in that way. It wasn’t sustainable so it fizzled out, but it made me realize, especially with my AuDHD and chronic overwhelm in a chaotic household, I like having someone look out for and take care of just me.

I’ve brought this up to my husband and he’s just not into it at all. He’s not an overly nurturing person like that anyway, feels like he’s “forcing” me to do things, and is already constantly overwhelmed with our kids too. No capacity or desire for that type of relationship.

I’m not sure where to go from here. Obviously everything would have to be conventional with him and understood, but is having someone in this sort of role in a non-sexual way a thing, in addition to an existing marriage? I don’t do age play and likely not regression (but I have childhood trauma so I’m unsure), I just really almost need a loving, guiding caretaker.

I appreciate any info at all on this because I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want a divorce, I love my husband, but I feel like I need/want this in my life to help me feel fulfilled.

ETA: my husband was aware and was okay with the dynamic since it wasn’t romantic or anything other than friendship.

UPDATE: I’ve taken a lot of time going over all of these incredibly detailed and thoughtful replies and really appreciate you all. I wasn’t sure where to turn and when my brain thought “hey, this is the thing I feel like I need”, I wanted to as a community that was knowledgeable even if it didn’t end up being exactly where I needed to be.

To clarify, I’d never do anything without my husband and this is something we had already talked about and he’s been honest that it’s just not his thing at all, and I respect that. Regarding my kids, I didn’t realize I was autistic until after I had them, so it was easier for me to keep my cup full and not just absolutely burned out by constantly taking care of three neurodivergent people (including my husband), on top of my own needs and over the years I just became more and more neglected.

We’ve talked about my needs and his (only sex of course) a lot over the course of the last few years but nothing seems to really change. In my mind, I figured if my needs stressed him out and he didn’t have the ability to meet them, then basically “offloading” that sort of relationship would make it easier for everyone… but that’s probably a very black and white autistic thought.

At this stage, I think I’ll ask my husband to go to marriage counseling with me, in addition to talking to my own therapist about it. I have a history of childhood neglect, and a series of horrible relationships where I always give and never get anything in return, so it seems that rather than recognizing a lot of what I want is just basic relationship needs, I assumed it was extra and needed a special relationship for it (which is why my friend doing it wasn’t anything more than just him providing that check in, support and praise, but nothing more than that really). If after therapy and hopefully finding some balance in our home and relationship I still feel I want that sort of dynamic, we can open up the conversation then.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to really educate me and make me realize that I probably just need some basic emotional fulfillment to start with.

So uh first post here, me W(23) and my partner M(29)are very open about our desires and things we wanna do during our nights together, but recently i've been wanting to bite him during our "sessions" and its not some light bite, sometimes when im close to coming i bite something really hard, often my hand or my fingers, and not so much so im injured and bleed, but it still a strong bite.

So ive been having that urge, but im worried im gonna hurt him, since hes no so keen in feeling pain, so i wanna know if theres some alternative or suggestion i could use, he jokenly suggested a gag ball, and im considering, but my worried its that a gag ball its to hard, im like to bite something that somewhat soft, depending of the position my alternative has been biting the bed, but im worried im gonna tear it apart....

Hello everyone! 😊
Recently, I have fallen into the reddit rabbit hole of TPE and I’m intrigued. I’ve known about it before from being in the bdsm world for a while, however, I’ve never dived deep.
I like the idea of someone else having complete control of my daily decisions and tasks. I honestly think it would be beneficial for me to have someone who is helping me make decisions and guide me to be the best version of myself. Though I get a little hesitant when it comes to complete control with the sexual aspects. My situation is a little different from most. I am able to be home a lot and can communicate pretty regularly. I just feel that if the sexual aspect isn’t big within the dynamic, I will have a hard time finding someone.
I’m curious if I’m reading TPE in the wrong light. I know there is a lot more to the kink/dynamic than what I’m touching on in my post, anywho, please help!
Comment your experiences or if you have any deeper knowledge on TPE. Please be nice, I’m a newbie! 💛

My fwb wants me to dom them and idk how?! He whines about everything. Don't bite me, don't pinch my nipples, my balls are so sensitive...how do you dom someone whose sensitive??

I've asked him what he's looking for and he says idk...I know he doesn't like me on top, doesn't like when I'm in control/aggressive even with my words.

I've been with my partner (any pronouns) and submissive for a little over a year now. We were friends longer, so we're quite close and I like to think I know him well. We're long distance, and while we've met, most of our D/s dynamic happens online.

90% of the time he is a brilliant sub who listens well, expresses his wants and needs openly, etc. He's not feeling too good at the moment, though, so we're really struggling with that 10%. Sometimes I'm not sure how to be a good Domme or a good girlfriend to him.

She likes me to help with her morning routine - that involves ordering her to get up, shower, get dressed, when and what to have for breakfast.

When she's depressed or feeling under the weather, though, it is a million times harder to get her to listen. We have a MDLG dynamic and I'm usually very soft and sweet with her, but she's explicitly expressed wanting me to be harsher with her even if she's not feeling well if she isn't listening.

Problem is, sometimes she just... still won't listen? I'll order her very strictly to get out of bed with explicit instructions, threaten punishment if she doesn't obey, and so on, and she'll just respond with "I don't wanna" no matter how hard I push. If I finally get her to listen to an order, she'll give me one word responses. I end up feeling like a horrible person for pushing my depressed partner to get out of bed in such a mean way.

There's also the issue of me sometimes not knowing how to order him properly. When we've met, I haven't had the chance to really rifle through his wardrobe, so it's hard for me to order him to wear something specific, which is what he wants. Sometimes even if I order him to wear something generic like literally any jumper, he'll say they're all in the wash/he's feeling dysphoric and doesn't want to/he doesn't like the texture today. Valid, but often he'll do this more than once with whatever I order or suggest and I don't end up picking for him at all. Then we both feel bad.

How do I even approach this? What can I do or say, how do I start a conversation about this? We've talked about it before and they really want me to be harsh on them but it just makes me feel like such a terrible Domme/girlfriend when they still don't listen.

Again, they're a wonderful submissive 90% of the time. I just want to support them better, I guess. Any advice is welcome.

Im trying to get into it, had an opportunity to express it to my gf today but I was scared, I’ve never been so nervous to confess something, and I keep thinking that it would ruin our relationship ¿how should i tell her? ¿How did you say it your first time if you have ever done it?

I am looking for a forum/group/community etc. that includes Maladroitophilia. I am dyspraxic and I just prefer awkwardness in a partner personally.

Hello guys , i'm a male in his mid twenies from algeria .

Ever since i discovered this submissive side of me , i felt as if a fire has been awakened in me , i have this deep deep desire to serve and devote myself to a powerful dominant woman who knows what she wants and enjoys it .

Problem is where i live it's highly taboo and i simply have not found an outlet for my passion yet or i guess you could say my ''goddess'' , when i think of very intense scenes of domination between me and a woman i adore or worship it just makes me so emotional and peacful yet i'm unable to find this type of dynamic .

I have tried the classic routes like fetlife but honestly the bdsm scene in my country doesn't exist , we dont have munches events or anything like that and the site is saturated with male subs and there aren't enough doms unfortunaly , of the few i have contacted and chated with i have not felt like they truely enjoyed it being served and gave me the impression that all they cared about is money .

What should i do guys ? i'm lost

So, my sub has a thing for kicking/punching/being beaten up/being used as a punching bag.

I am well aware that this is highly dangerous and potentially even lethal if we aren't careful + that there are areas we need to avoid.

I'm wondering if anyone could offer me resources for how to engage in this kind of thing safely (even if it involves not actually doing it, just simulating similar scenarios that still get her off).

I'm thinking I could maybe bruise her safely beforehand with a paddle/flogger etc and then just gently punch/kick her in the bruised areas so it still hurts quite a bit without doing much damage.

That said I'm up for any suggestions at all as long as I can verify it's safe to do. :)

Greetings to all. I am a 23-year-old Male who came back after I took a 3 month break from this lifestyle after my serious sub wanted to explore her dominant side. She wanted to dominate me, but I refused her as I didn't like to be dominated, and she left me.

I have been constantly active and seeking female slaves.

But the problem is all I get are those who just come for a day get used and go off.

I am tired of this nonsense. Many stupid people waste my time.

Need your genuine advice on what I am doing wrong or what step I should take.

We are establishing a D/s dynamic with my wife of 5 years.

We had never bren plain vanilla, have been implementing cuffs ,ropes, blindfolds and rough sex sinc ethe early days (of our relationship of 10+ years). Attended sex parties, kink events and swinger clubs and had about couple hotwife experiences.

She is a great woman, good looking and open minded.

But she is, as i am neuro divergent (we are both on autism spectrum albeit at different horizons).

I have alway been dominant since early teens, and she fantasized power play, taken scenarios since she was very young. Prefers physically imposing men and dominant partners.

We are currently exploring our Dom sub dynamic and use heavier bondage, some impact play some pain play and basic sensatio play. She is collared as a ritual and has also day collar worn 24/7.

She just seems to be unable to identify as a submissive or recognize what she does as submission and surrender. I understand bottoming is a different thing to submission but to my experience, she is the definition of a submissive partner. What do you think is thay i am missing? Is it just a matter of lagging identity behind actions (has been about a month since we named to have a structured dynamic). Or is it neuro-divergence related?

For me it matters because i feel much more comfortable when my partner enjoys submission mentally and does not merely engage in activities.

I may be misisng details that are relevant so happy to answer questions. I love her deeply, and i need this to work as I only recently realized how unfulfilled i was in my life disregarding my natural thirst for power ecchange for so many years. And it works for our bedroom too, which was pretty dead in last several years as i just let myself drown in porn that appealed to me more than actual physicality.

Any opinion is appreciated.