I tried posting in other subs to get specifically women’s opinions, but I just got told to go to therapy multiple times so I’m posting here. I’m pretty kinky and into rough sex and extreme degradation. I won’t get into all of that, but there’s one particular kink that genuinely makes me feel disgusted with myself sometimes.
I consider myself a very strong feminist, but for some reason, misogynistic men turn me on. Which is so confusing because it completely contradicts everything I believe in and stand for in real life. Maybe that contradiction is part of what makes it appealing to me??? Idk
I love when men mock me, belittle my intelligence, act like I’m incapable of living without them, or treat me like I’m nothing more than a stupid, brainless bimbo. The more misogynistic and condescending they are, the more it turns me on.
I’ve spent a lot of time trying to dissect why I feel this way because, honestly, sometimes I’m genuinely disgusted by my own attraction to it. I would NEVER tolerate these attitudes toward women in my everyday life, yet somehow, in a sexual context, they’re exactly what I find appealing.
Sometimes I wonder if it’s actually a power thing for me, just in a different way than you’d expect. There’s something almost satisfying about a man genuinely believing I’m so stupid and beneath him, while I’m fully aware of the version of myself I’m presenting to him. I’m the one controlling how he perceives me.
There is also something especially fascinating about the idea of a man falling in love with this submissive, unintelligent version of me, only to eventually realize that I’m nothing like the woman he thought I was. Then suddenly I’m the manipulative one, or somehow part of the reason he hates women in the first place.
I don’t even know if I’m explaining this correctly..it’s just difficult being sexually attracted to something that goes against your actual beliefs and values.

I know that this is all fluid and there most definitely more than just 50 shades of any color. What I’m unsure of is how to classify myself as a Dom. Not to say that I don’t have characteristics of different types like pleasure dom or daddy dom, but I know that those also don’t identify me or rather I don’t identify with them. I will always lead any relationship with respect and boundaries and would never seek to push anyone past an agreed upon limit.

I know that in any relationship, especially within this realm, that respect is earned, position is earned, love is earned. I understand that. So what I’m about to explain isn’t meant to be heard or read as “this is simply what I expect and give it to me now”, it’s meant to be viewed as “so what is it/ what am I? How do I identify it? Do other kinks go into it”. So with that being said, here is what I hope to one day find in a submissive:

I like to be listened to. And not just by giving an order, but actually heard when I speak. It’s happened seldom but I’ve met a few women in my life that hung onto every word I’ve said and really looked at me when I spoke, and listened. I do also like to be heeded. I love giving commands and them being followed lol. Freedom through service is a way I view it. I think it’s incredibly hot when a woman can get off by me having an orgasm. I also enjoy providing pleasure but (not to sound like an idiot dickhead) I feel like I want my pleasure to supercede yours. I like being asked permission. Plain and simple.

Aside from the little bit of that deeper portion I’m also into: creampies, squirting, cnc fantasies, FREE USE (that’s a big one), tits (I love butts too but I’m a tit man), sweaty girls (post exercise), to name a few.

So community, I ask humbly, what is this and what am I?

Hi everyone
I am just leaving this here.

In the beginning of exploring BDSM and my own sexuality, I met this guy through a common friend at a party. He was sweet, hot, almost double my age. The age gap made me pause at first, but the way he talked and the way he looked at me felt safe enough to try.

He was a Dom & I was a sub. We started slow, then went deeper. From threesomes with other guys he invited, public play, and exhibition, I trusted him completely. I never questioned who the other men were or how far things would go. We met two or three times a month for about a year. Sometimes he stayed at my place. He lived in another town.

One day he was at my place, bathing. Then I saw texts coming in his phone, I never checked his phone but that day I don’t know why but I did. I picked it up and looked. Found out he was married, had a daughter probably older than me.

Cheating was a hard limit for me. I had been clear about it from the first day, had a very rough childhood because of my parents cheating on each other. We had a huge argument and I kicked him out of my house.

I cried for days. We were never officially together, but the trust was gone. I still don’t know why, maybe in anger or revenge but few weeks later I went to his place, told his wife everything, and just left. I thought that was the end of it.

Around six or seven months after that, I was back in the same town, staying with a friend. I went out shopping. She saw me. At first she asked my name, like she wasn’t sure it was really me. Before I could realise anything she slapped me hard enough that my ear rang. Things got loud and ugly fast. Someone called the police. Standing there in the middle of a shop, trying to explain to two cops that I was not a prostitute, that I had never blackmailed anyone, that the man who had collared me and shared me for a year was the one who had lied , that was the part that burned the most.

Because by then I already knew the story he had given her. That I was just some girl shaking him down for money. That I was the predator.

I didn’t press charges. I apologised to her once for destroying her life, and walked away. I was finished carrying his mess.

Please ignore any grammatical mistakes, I’m not very good in English.

I’m specifically talking about female gapping. Curious to hear your ideas and experiences!

hi! i am f22 and my bf is m24, and when we met he was the vanilla one. Or at least i thought. I've kinda ruined him in different aspects of kink and taught him what I know, however we are beginning to uncover that there are so many more kinks neither of us know about! I'd like to learn, and for some context we have very heavily been over bdsm everything because i am into that myself. So moving beyond bdsm and into specific kinks, what are are some of your guys kinks that you really enjoy. this can be anything from piss kinks to heavy puppy play etc! i just kinda wanna learn some more and explore things with him.

I want quality stuff for a good price. Found some stores in Toronto that ship to Quebec but I have to sell a kidney to afford those.

Any quality kits that are durable (not Amazon junk) but also don't cost an arm and a leg?

I'm married, I love my wife, but she's never been in to bondage.

I've always been into bondage, even as a teen I'd create capture games to play with friends before I was even attracted to woman. Since being a young adult the idea of tying someone up, having them helpless in some way has been more appealing than sex. Before meeting my wife this only happened twice, and at the most basic level, with girlfriends who just weren't into it.

Then I met my wife just before going to university. We've been together 20 years and have two amazing children. My libido has never been particularly high, maybe linked to never achieving my true desires. I told her about my kink about two weeks into dating and to her credit once in a blue moon I do tie her up even now, but it's just hands together in front of her, or her ankles tied as we watch TV but only for about 5 minutes. She doesn't enjoy it, she finds it uncomfortable.

I tried talking to her about her kinks, try and like do for her in exchange as it were. She doesn't have any kinks at all, doesn't even want me to dress up, do anything risky. I'm in my early 40s now and about a year ago out of nowhere my libido shot up, I'm horney all the time. At first it was good, I paid her more sexual attention generally and she loved it. But then life, and work and kids all killed it for us really doing much of anything sexual. And obviously bondage was still off the table, bar the odd scarf round the wrists once in a blue moon again.

I love her and I won't cheat. I started writing erotic BDSM stories but I'm a bad writer. I showed her some, and on top of not being bothered she got very upset once one had a none concensual theme so I don't share them with her now. I've started doing a little roleplay over Reddit with strangers, is this cheating? I don't think it is but I know she would disagree.

I just would like once in my life to tie up a woman who enjoyed being in rope. This will never happen. This is my regret and my choice.

Edit. I've heard what everyone said about the roleplay. I consider it and look at healthier outlets.

As for the other advice given, honestly knowing my wife all these concepts of going to a club together, or gaining permission for a non sexual bondage partner is too far out of our reality. We're just to average for that I think, and with her mental health and view on the world I think she would just take any of it as a step away from here.

This was honestly just a vent, not looking for advice or any outcome. That said, I might tell her the writing has continued and see if she wants to share any, but have a conversation about the CNC element first. I might also talk to her about just some simple bondage the odd night when the kids are in bed while we're watching TV. Talk to her about what it means to me and what would make it more comfortable for her. We will see.

Heya!

I’m a female soft dom and my new lover has a kink I didn’t know about.

He likes to feel safe, protected, and ultimately, he likes the feeling of being a part of my own body (during penetration). He likes affirmations like « I’ll take care of you », « I’ll protect you ».

Does is sounds familiar to you? How do you play with that?

Not sure if this is the right place to ask this, but couldn’t think of anywhere else.

Long story short, my wife and I are 3 kids deep and haven’t had a “proper” night alone for a while. I’m looking to organise a night together but need to rekindle the spark we both used to enjoy.

My wife is naturally submissive and likes to be lead, and I’ve enjoyed filling that role. We have dabbled in “risky” scenarios before and some public adventures (all respectful scenarios) which we both have enjoyed back in the day.

What are some ideas in those types of fields, or any others where we can enjoy for a night together again? Also, if there’s any toys etc that would be of use as well?

Thank you in advance!

Hii^.^ I recently found out im really into CNC but only if I’m the dominant one, which is funny since im such a sub typically. Im a straight so I just really wanted to know like how would that work exactly (no pegging) ? What could u do to like make it hotter and more CNC? Sorry if this is stuoid I’m kinda new to BDSM and i really think this is hot and wanna try it out one day.

Is group activities worth it, and has anyone done this properly, im guessing it’s a hassle to set up and find the right people,

Wondering how people’s experiences have gone and any stories for me to learn from, the man and women’s pov.

My sub hasn’t had an orgasm in over ten years (when she used to have lots and lots before), because that’s part of our dynamic, and because she wants the pleasure of relief to be all mine. I know it’s an unusually long time, and I praise her for this very often, but I wondered: do others on here experiment with denial and edging too, or did it become a way of life, like it is for us?

Hi all,

I am hoping to find authors, activists or advocates discussing intersectionality in BDSM/kink spaces. Not just historically, but in the current moment.

I want to read and/or discuss with people about education and activism on making the spaces more open to all.

Accessibility, financial restrictions, queer rights support, anti-racist movements, etc.

I personally believe that kink should be available to anyone who wants to participate, within the already well defined boundaries of ‘safe, sane, consensual’ and ‘risk aware consensual kink’.

Thanks ✌🏻

(Also posted in BDSM Psychology)

For those of us who keep our lifestyles private, have you had any awkward close calls or moments when someone caught you? What did you say? I've heard some funny stories ridden with pure cringe and thought this might be a fun topic. Maintenance man walking in on my stash of dildos laying out to dry. My sister getting an accidental glimpse of marks after a night of impact. Guests questioning the use of the anchor points in your ceiling lol I have a friend whose actual mom found a note she wrote to her "mommy" (thankfully it was SFW), and her mom thought it was an odd but sweet note she wrote for her. Haha I want to hear some more!

I’ve started receiving actual impact play for the first time ever. Here’s the thing, I’ve never had to use my safe word, but there have been times when it REALLY hurts and I was really close. But I’ve never cried.

I brought that up to my Dom and he says I don’t cry probably because I actually like it, but I would be surprised if that’s true.

Granted I do like the idea of using kink toward emotional release, but it’s opened a story loop and more questions for me. Have you experienced this?

Hi so I'm sure someone must've already asked this but I couldn't find it.

Basically I'm a soft submissive and don't need every sexual encounter to be kinky. So since dating on bdsm apps/sites hasn't worked out I've tried a regular one and I'm dating someone who I get along with great, who isn't super shy about talking about sex on a surface level but we haven't had sex or talked about our specific preferences.

I've even dropped a funny date story abt having talked abt ball gags and whips on a first date or him making a joke abt me observing the installation and I asked him why it sounds kinky when he says it like that. So he isn't completely clueless but again we haven't had a full conversation yet.

So the big question is...how and when do I bring it up?

I’m a Dominatrix and I’m always looking for new, creative, and wicked ways to push my submissive slaves to their limits.
I love being strict, demanding, and keeping my slaves on their toes. But I’m always hungry for fresh ideas!
So, fellow Dommes and kinksters, what are your favorite ways to challenge, tease, punish, or completely test your willing slaves?
I’m curious to hear your most creative ideas!

So, to start I’m pretty ace and while I have sex with my husband, it’s fairly infrequent (less than he wants but that’s another issue) and I don’t want to have any additional sexual relationships.

About a year ago, a friend of a friend inadvertently fell into this daddy/princess role with me in a just friends, long distance capacity. It was almost a joke a first but over time I found I really enjoyed the emotional comfort, praise/rewards, structure, check ins, etc he provided, and he enjoyed helping me in that way. It wasn’t sustainable so it fizzled out, but it made me realize, especially with my AuDHD and chronic overwhelm in a chaotic household, I like having someone look out for and take care of just me.

I’ve brought this up to my husband and he’s just not into it at all. He’s not an overly nurturing person like that anyway, feels like he’s “forcing” me to do things, and is already constantly overwhelmed with our kids too. No capacity or desire for that type of relationship.

I’m not sure where to go from here. Obviously everything would have to be conventional with him and understood, but is having someone in this sort of role in a non-sexual way a thing, in addition to an existing marriage? I don’t do age play and likely not regression (but I have childhood trauma so I’m unsure), I just really almost need a loving, guiding caretaker.

I appreciate any info at all on this because I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want a divorce, I love my husband, but I feel like I need/want this in my life to help me feel fulfilled.

ETA: my husband was aware and was okay with the dynamic since it wasn’t romantic or anything other than friendship.

UPDATE: I’ve taken a lot of time going over all of these incredibly detailed and thoughtful replies and really appreciate you all. I wasn’t sure where to turn and when my brain thought “hey, this is the thing I feel like I need”, I wanted to as a community that was knowledgeable even if it didn’t end up being exactly where I needed to be.

To clarify, I’d never do anything without my husband and this is something we had already talked about and he’s been honest that it’s just not his thing at all, and I respect that. Regarding my kids, I didn’t realize I was autistic until after I had them, so it was easier for me to keep my cup full and not just absolutely burned out by constantly taking care of three neurodivergent people (including my husband), on top of my own needs and over the years I just became more and more neglected.

We’ve talked about my needs and his (only sex of course) a lot over the course of the last few years but nothing seems to really change. In my mind, I figured if my needs stressed him out and he didn’t have the ability to meet them, then basically “offloading” that sort of relationship would make it easier for everyone… but that’s probably a very black and white autistic thought.

At this stage, I think I’ll ask my husband to go to marriage counseling with me, in addition to talking to my own therapist about it. I have a history of childhood neglect, and a series of horrible relationships where I always give and never get anything in return, so it seems that rather than recognizing a lot of what I want is just basic relationship needs, I assumed it was extra and needed a special relationship for it (which is why my friend doing it wasn’t anything more than just him providing that check in, support and praise, but nothing more than that really). If after therapy and hopefully finding some balance in our home and relationship I still feel I want that sort of dynamic, we can open up the conversation then.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to really educate me and make me realize that I probably just need some basic emotional fulfillment to start with.

So uh first post here, me W(23) and my partner M(29)are very open about our desires and things we wanna do during our nights together, but recently i've been wanting to bite him during our "sessions" and its not some light bite, sometimes when im close to coming i bite something really hard, often my hand or my fingers, and not so much so im injured and bleed, but it still a strong bite.

So ive been having that urge, but im worried im gonna hurt him, since hes no so keen in feeling pain, so i wanna know if theres some alternative or suggestion i could use, he jokenly suggested a gag ball, and im considering, but my worried its that a gag ball its to hard, im like to bite something that somewhat soft, depending of the position my alternative has been biting the bed, but im worried im gonna tear it apart....

Hello everyone! 😊
Recently, I have fallen into the reddit rabbit hole of TPE and I’m intrigued. I’ve known about it before from being in the bdsm world for a while, however, I’ve never dived deep.
I like the idea of someone else having complete control of my daily decisions and tasks. I honestly think it would be beneficial for me to have someone who is helping me make decisions and guide me to be the best version of myself. Though I get a little hesitant when it comes to complete control with the sexual aspects. My situation is a little different from most. I am able to be home a lot and can communicate pretty regularly. I just feel that if the sexual aspect isn’t big within the dynamic, I will have a hard time finding someone.
I’m curious if I’m reading TPE in the wrong light. I know there is a lot more to the kink/dynamic than what I’m touching on in my post, anywho, please help!
Comment your experiences or if you have any deeper knowledge on TPE. Please be nice, I’m a newbie! 💛

My fwb wants me to dom them and idk how?! He whines about everything. Don't bite me, don't pinch my nipples, my balls are so sensitive...how do you dom someone whose sensitive??

I've asked him what he's looking for and he says idk...I know he doesn't like me on top, doesn't like when I'm in control/aggressive even with my words.

Im trying to get into it, had an opportunity to express it to my gf today but I was scared, I’ve never been so nervous to confess something, and I keep thinking that it would ruin our relationship ¿how should i tell her? ¿How did you say it your first time if you have ever done it?

I've been with my partner (any pronouns) and submissive for a little over a year now. We were friends longer, so we're quite close and I like to think I know him well. We're long distance, and while we've met, most of our D/s dynamic happens online.

90% of the time he is a brilliant sub who listens well, expresses his wants and needs openly, etc. He's not feeling too good at the moment, though, so we're really struggling with that 10%. Sometimes I'm not sure how to be a good Domme or a good girlfriend to him.

She likes me to help with her morning routine - that involves ordering her to get up, shower, get dressed, when and what to have for breakfast.

When she's depressed or feeling under the weather, though, it is a million times harder to get her to listen. We have a MDLG dynamic and I'm usually very soft and sweet with her, but she's explicitly expressed wanting me to be harsher with her even if she's not feeling well if she isn't listening.

Problem is, sometimes she just... still won't listen? I'll order her very strictly to get out of bed with explicit instructions, threaten punishment if she doesn't obey, and so on, and she'll just respond with "I don't wanna" no matter how hard I push. If I finally get her to listen to an order, she'll give me one word responses. I end up feeling like a horrible person for pushing my depressed partner to get out of bed in such a mean way.

There's also the issue of me sometimes not knowing how to order him properly. When we've met, I haven't had the chance to really rifle through his wardrobe, so it's hard for me to order him to wear something specific, which is what he wants. Sometimes even if I order him to wear something generic like literally any jumper, he'll say they're all in the wash/he's feeling dysphoric and doesn't want to/he doesn't like the texture today. Valid, but often he'll do this more than once with whatever I order or suggest and I don't end up picking for him at all. Then we both feel bad.

How do I even approach this? What can I do or say, how do I start a conversation about this? We've talked about it before and they really want me to be harsh on them but it just makes me feel like such a terrible Domme/girlfriend when they still don't listen.

Again, they're a wonderful submissive 90% of the time. I just want to support them better, I guess. Any advice is welcome.