For background, I (19) am an international student studying at a prestigious college in the us and my college studying is funded by my mom. Despite my repeated protests, my mom insisted on buying an apartment unit in the neighborhood and living with me here. At first she promised ample personal space and I gave in to the idea of a familiar roommate who is a talented cook.

Things went downhill from there. She wants to know everything that happens to me and I am tired of sharing everything. She would also randomly give me the most insane of advice. She is aware that I am passionate about my current track of cognitive neuroscience but would randomly say things like I should do quant or I should pivot into brain computer interface and work for Elon Musk or I should go to med school and become a neurosurgeon. I have explained again and again how different they are and she insists with the excuse “I’m just providing options”. Plus, I am queer and I am scared of coming out to her knowing that she is a crazy fan of Elon Musk.

It got even worse when she started to intervene with my PhD application when it is barely starting. She would randomly send me shorts and llm responses that include application advice despite me telling her not to get into my PhD application and not to intervene, and let me do that. She didn’t stop. When I received three shorts of the sort in a row last night, I was so tired of it and I texted back, saying I don’t want her involved in application for the next phase of my academic journey at all and her best help is to not try to help. She broke down and sent me voice message after voice message accusing me of being impolite and irrational for turning down the random suggestions she forward to me (knowing that I have access to plenty of resources) and went on a huge tangent of how she sacrificed everything to stay here with me and I won’t even go on a walk with her. She ranted about how ungrateful I am that I don’t pay enough attention to her emotions. FYI, since I was a kid, she would scold me for being weak every time I cry and proceed to tell me she is the only one I can safely cry to.

I am tired of her hijacking my college life and personal space so I decided to mute her incoming messages and not engage. She was CRYING and complaining I made her unable to sleep at night by talking back. AITAH?

Last week, my cousin (M24) was making fun of me (M22) for having a ton of stuffed animals in my car. As someone with Autism I explained to him they make me feel not lonely. He then started calling me girly and that girls don’t like “girly” dudes. I then told him girls wouldn’t want to be with someone who looks like an oompa loompa. After that he blocked me on all social medias and then told his parents that I was bullying him. Did I go too far?

My family and I have a 15 year old dog. He is blind, deaf, diabetic, and was just found to have cancer all over his body. He is frail now and lost a lot of weight. He went from 16 lbs to 11 lbs. He is eating significantly less now and only ate a treat today. He has kidney disease, a tumor in his liver, brain, and it has spread to his lymph nodes.

One doctor recommended he be put down. Another doctor said he would not treat the cancer and implied that if we chose to keep him alive, that pain meds are the option because of his age. We are waiting on a call back from the doctor today because yesterday we brought our dog to the ER.

My parents think I am evil for suggesting this. He still wags his tail and barks. However, he has incontinence, pants all day, and is very restless. The doctors think that his barking and tail wagging are related to dementia.

My dad is in deep deep denial about his condition. He wants to wait until he stops eating or is in pain to reevaluate. I told him that a dog cannot tell us when he is in pain. I asked if this was about the dog or the decision he could live with. Why wait for more suffering??? He is going through enough!!!! It isn’t an easy decision for me either! I am trying to do what is best for our dog. A doctor told me dogs die a very painful natural death and that natural deaths are inhumane.

I brought up just giving him a week of tons of love and steaks and then put him down. I am looked at as the devil for this! Please tell me if I am wrong! Thanks.

I 23f hosted a pot luck a few days ago. Costumes weren't required, all I asked from my guests was to please respect my and my fiance's pets. Due to my demanding job, I had been way to busy to even think of costumes. If you would like to know then read below to the next paragraph or you can skip.

I work with preschoolers, average a day i see 26 kids or higher, all with different needs, disabilities, allergies, and more. Recently a child fell on his head, causing a Crack and a mind concussion. State is now reviewing our school and parents have recently dropped the lawsuit. (I was not a teacher in this child's class, although I see him after school during a care program. I am very happy he is doing better now and he has been healing.)

One family member E, texted the group chat first asking if anyone else isn't dressing up, i replied that I hadn't, I was so busy that I forgot.

Cousin Y 20 F, then texted me the day before the party :OP like every single day I go to school and do homework until I have to sleep or go straight to work until late at night, and I'm staring a business so I've had no time either but I when you said you were planning a party I still made sure to get and tailor a costume. It makes me sad to be so busy and still put in effort and then to hear you guys might not even dress up 🥺I dont even mean this as a "my problems matter more than yours" I know you're really busy and I understand that, but it makes me sad that only a possibility that you'll do something small We're dressing up and you're meeting my boyfriend and (other person's) girlfriend, and to be honest I dont want my boyfriend to be embarrassed for dressing up when you guys aren't

Trying to be the bigger person I replied with: I understand where you're coming from. I just feel like my life has been a bit busy no matter if I make time. Will your boyfriend be embarrassed? Has he communicated this to you? I am probably taking this the wrong way. I just want to make clear that fiancee and I tried but we just have very demanding jobs. We almost canceled but pushed through just so that everyone can see eachother. I understand your disappointment but I'm going to just try.We have alot going on in our lives recently outside of jobs. I have been dealing with things along side my future in laws, pertaining his family. We will do our best if that what makes you feel comfortable.

The things I have been helping my future fiancée which includes my cousin in law being almost drunk stalked by her baby's father, an uncle going homeless and redoing drugs again after my fiancée's grandfather father committed suicide, and another uncle going no contact with the family when a grandfather in Lebanon is dying and asking for said uncle) I didn't reply with reasons due to being sad, and not wanting to make myself look Like a victim.

That night I absolutely balled. Although she explained it later she meant to harm by her message and just wanted to show that she was sad I didn't put any effort for her to come. Call me old fashioned or petty, but not once did she ask what or why has gotten me this stressed and busy. I felt as if my efforts for hosting within my own home wasn't enough. She made me feel i do not have any excuses a costume, that i am not using my time efficiently, and i would embarrass her new boyfriend. I want to make clear, if the roles were reversed i would've responded the following: Hey Y I'm sorry to hear you and P are busy and his family has been keeping you away from this I am just upset because I put alot of care into my costume. I will still come because I miss you, is there anything I can do so I can make the party run smoothly?

The day of the party i called E (the original person who asked if anyone else isn't dressing up) and asked if she had also messaged him the same, she didn't. I was absolutely livid.

Half of the guest were dressed, the others weren't which made me more furious. So I messaged her the next day.

My message: Hey Y, I wanted to just write this out. Your message to me about the costumes the day before the party. I felt offended and demeaned. Not only did you text me not even asking about what or why I have been busy. I felt as if you cared more about a costume than a party I hosted. Why would your boyfriend care if I was in a costume or not. I have drafted many messages trying to respond in the most kindest way, however i feel very disrespected. After your message I was contemplating about canceling the party last minute. after looking back i wonder why you cared so much about my effort when it was my party at my home. There were other people without costumes or low effort costumes. Why would you message me about my time? The audacity is clear on what you think of me and Fiance's time. I would understand if this was your party and I didn't dress up, however this was mine. How dare you message me only about my party, my apartment, and what you assume what I do with my time. I want to clearly state this, next time if you feel like I'm not putting in effort with my party bothers you please come to me kinder. My bestfriend has been kinder than what you sent me. Even i texted about my problems with Fiance's family taking priority. You didn't even ask or feel concerned. You felt more concerned over a costume. Out of the kindess of my soon to be mother in law's heart, she got me the costome you saw yesterday. I know you only messages me about a costume. I dont care of you're younger than me or being the bigger person. Moving forward at my events, please message kinder privately if a costume is your biggest concern.

That morning she cried and tried explaining herself, although I dont feel like i did anything wrong. She started this, she brought up her boyfriend and other people. I was the only person she personally messaged after learning i wasn't the only one dressing up. Now we are in low contact for the future. Sure did I go off. But my friends have said I needed to go harder, while family says I shouldn't had said anything.

Its honestly a huge mess after.

Am I the ass hole for going off?

My husband and I work at the same firm, I am a senior manager and he is a director.
We both have same manager.
Im 15 weeks pregnant. I had some goals assigned by my manager outside of my day to day tasks, mostly learning goals.
I couldnt meet them due to first trimester hardships…
My husband knows our manager better as he is with this manager for several years and me for only for one year.
He told me not to tell him about pregnancy as he might not consider me for future projects due to upcoming maternity leave. I told him that if i am unwell and not able to work on learning tasks he gave me, i might tell him…

Anyway, i had a 1-1 today with the manager.
I hadn’t planned on telling him about pregnancy but he was asking about progress on learning goals etc.
I told him.
I told him that first trimester was hard and i am doing all day to day tasks and meetings but there might be a delay in xyz tasks progress.
He was open to hearing it, he was understanding and i didnt see any biasness from his side
My husband is furious.
He said it wasnt only my news to share
And why didnt i consult him
And i said that i have been in this company for about 8-9 years. Im capable of making my own career decisions
But he is adamant that it was not my decision to make and that it will now impact the future projects i will be assigned because thats how our manager is…..
Should i apologise or just stand with what i did…

So my mom bombarded me with a text of a organization that has a charity of Down syndrome and my nephew has it, she told me I should give some money towards it cuz he’s family. It’s her usual tactic to guilt trip me into trying to do stuff cuz she’s a Christian and her morals are somehow better than mine in every way possible. So she calls me unnormal and heartless cuz I refused and I told her I don’t nor have I ever given money to organizations cuz I don’t trust them, nor do I know if it’s actually going towards the researchers. Also unless it’s directly towards my nephew, it’s definitely not happening.

So tell me if I’m the asshole here?

Background: my older sister and I (28f) lost both our parents when we were between 18 and 23 to unexpected medical issues and spent years of our young adult lives dealing with the legal and logistical ramifications of that because neither had a will. We decided that we would both make one and keep it updated so when either of us had kids they wouldn’t have to deal with what we did. I got married around when she found out she was pregnant with her first kid and, through conversation with both of our husbands, we decided I would be the preferred guardian to her kids should something happen to the two of them and both her and BIL’s wills were updated to reflect that.

Unfortunately about six months ago that became needed when they were both killed in a car accident. They had been living in our childhood home with their two kids (6f and 2m) and with it being big enough for my family including my niece and nephew we decided to move across the country into that house to keep some stability for her kids.

Where the current issue arose is that along with the kids they also had a dog (rover) and a cat. They had had rover for nine years and he is EXTREMELY protective of the house and anything happening inside of it and occasionally reactive outside. He does not like strange men in the house and had never been okay with my husband being there even after slow introductions outside every time we visited for the last five years. On top of that he never got along with their cat and was never able to be alone with it unsupervised and due to his unpredictability also couldn’t be in the room with 2 year old without an adult there for any amount of time. This was just not a realistic living situation for us because I had a six month old daughter, two dogs, and two cats that there was no way I was giving up. I discussed it with 6 year old who did get along with him and she very quickly agreed that for the safety of her brother it was best to find him a good home somewhere else.

BIL’s mom Nancy had taken care of him for a few months at a time a couple of different times so she was the first one we asked but she couldn’t handle another dog full time. She did introduce us to a friend of hers that lived close, alone, with a lot of fenced in land, and had been fostering reactive dogs for a few decades and was happy to take him in and adopt him. She also knew him already from when she visited Nancy while rover was over and he got along with her very well. We quickly got him moved in with her so we could focus on the kids getting settled with all of the changes happening.

Earlier this week we were at Nancy’s for the kids great uncle’s birthday and BIL’s sister was there. I met her once when I was around 18 but she wasn’t at the wedding or their funeral. She asked how Rover was doing and I let her know that we rehomed him and she freaked out saying he had been living in that house for nearly a decade and it wasn’t fair to just throw him out, that I should have put more work into accommodating him because he was my sister’s first “kid”, and that had we reached out to her she would have taken him instead of giving him to a stranger and abandoning him. I admit I never even considered her because I hadn’t talked to her in ten years and given that she wasn’t at either major event for her brother I honestly assumed she was estranged from the family. That was an unfair assumption on my part but I had so much going on I couldn’t reach out to every single extended family member of BIL to find someone to take him. She then said I couldn’t expect the kids to adjust to new guardians and a house full of new pets when they just lost everything they knew and it was unfair for me to replace him with my animals.

I truly believe I did everything I could in the situation to prioritize the kids, including moving over 2,000 miles away so I didn’t have to uproot them from their community and extended family on BIL’s side. AITAH for not putting more work into keeping him and just jumping to rehoming?

TLDR; I rehomed my sister’s reactive dog after she and her husband died because I didn’t feel it was safe for him to live with my daughter and pets or my nephew that I now have custody of

My husband (44M) has his only brother (37M), who I can't bear to talk with anymore. Their relationship is great, and I don't begrudge them spending time together. In fact, I encourage my husband to spend time with him (hubby is a true introvert and with BIL, he can talk openly).

But slowly over time, every time me (44F) and BIL talk, he would talk down on me and contradict me, whatever I say. No matter the subject, he is very adversarial. I am also opinionated but I tend to let go of his disrespectful remarks because he has a heart condition.

Mind you, we have known each other even as teens. But this behavior from him has grown since around 5 years ago.

To be fair and sadly, he is also disrespectful to his mom and his wife. He thinks very highly of himself. He is smart but his arrogance makes him exhausting.

The only person he actually respects is his brother (my hubby). The only opinion he asks for is my husband's.

My husband knows about my feelings and he hates that his brother is that way. Like I said, because of BIL's heart condition, the family rarely brings this up.

WIBTAH if I just don't talk to him? What can I do?

This has been weighing on me for a few months. I had this friend, let’s call her Lola. We were pretty good friends during high school, and I hadn’t heard from her in years besides the occasional Instagram comment exchanges. She had posted that her parent had passed away and linked a GoFundMe link to Facebook explaining that her mother had been sick for some time and she had been quietly caring for her the last two years. She noted that she didn’t make it public knowledge that her mom was sick, because her parent didn’t want people to know. She also included that she was losing the apartment they stayed in and recently lost her job and car due to the financial and emotional stress of the loss. Instantly, I donated.

Fast forward to about a month later, I ran into her in a grocery store. She was with a random lady, and she told me that they were door dashing. She also stated that someone had stolen her phone, but she wanted me to write down my phone number so she could eventually reach out to me.

A couple weeks go by, and I started to receive calls from a phone number I didn’t recognize. I let it go to VM. It was her, letting me know she needed help asap. I called her back, and she let me know that she got kicked out of an apartment she was staying at (after losing her own), and she desperately needed somewhere to stay. She was living with the woman I saw her with at the grocery store, along with her partner she met while she was in the psych ward a few months prior. Her partner accused her of cheating on her, so she got kicked out. I asked whose phone she was calling from, and she told me she’s currently at an old ex’s mom’s house. She stated she couldn’t stay the night there 🚩 My partner and I live together with a dog, so I had to consult him before giving a solid answer. I actually ended up convincing him to let her stay that night. I also wanted to help out anyway I could. we decided we would tell her that we’d purchase a phone for her so she could get back on her feet. I thought it was going to just be for a night, because she said her dogs were at a sitter for the night. I’m unable to have any other animals in my house besides my dog due to community rules, and she knew that going into this.

When we brought her back to our house, it was already past midnight. I had to work the next day, but the 3 of us stayed up drinking, talking, and vibing. She seemed overly grateful and happy. However, she was really upset about her partner breaking up with her and it’s what she mostly talked about. She asked to borrow my phone to try to get ahold of them and their sister. I let her since she was using it in my home, in front of me. Then, she hits us with the super big red flag that the person who stole her phone also stole all of her GoFundMe money that she had.

Now this is where things get much more out of hand. The next day, my phone wasn’t beside me. She had it in the living room. I took it back and went into my messages and saw that she told her ex partner’s sister that they (ex) is more than welcome to come stay with us too. I was heated. I was also very hungover and throwing up, so I called out of work for the day. The plan was that we were all going to go out to help Lola get a phone and a couple other things she needed. My partner ended up just going with her while I stayed back super sick.

When they got back, she started to make dinner… which is not something we asked, but we thought it was sweet. She told me the phone down payment was only $70 or something super low. She also told me she paid for the groceries they brought back. Later after speaking with my partner, neither of those things were true. Phone down payment was around $200 and my partner paid for the groceries (which is what we expected to do anyways, so it was weird to lie about)

Then she tells us she just needs one more night with us. We agreed. I still had not been able to speak with my partner alone besides texting briefly, but I wanted to let him know about Lola telling the ex’s sister that the ex was welcome to stay with us. I wanted to speak about it privately in person.

THEN, she convinced my partner to go pick up her dogs from the dog sitter, because the sitter was trying to get in contact with her for a pick up time. The dogs ended up staying that night despite me saying that they could not due to the community rules.

The next day, I went to work. She started texting me and my partner off her new phone saying she just needed a week longer in our place. She said she was going to get a job out here and get an apartment right away. I was pissed. The entire thing just felt so off, and it seemed like her story had plot holes. I also felt that we were being taken advantage of at this point. I called my family for support. They all told me I was an idiot for allowing her in my house and that I needed to get her out immediately. They thought she had the worst intentions. They were also very sketched out about the text I found on my phone saying that her strange ex was welcome over and how the GoFundMe money got stolen. I also wasn’t feeling it anymore, and I wanted to get her out too. I called my partner and told him I was just going to use the dog excuse to get her out. I sent her a text while I was at work stating that she needed to leave by that night unfortunately, because we cannot have 3 dogs there or we could get in trouble. She came back and said she would just use the dog sitter for the next week.
Ultimately, we did get her to leave by ordering her an uber and paying for one night at a dog friendly hotel.

To be completely honest, I did feel horrible about it for a while. Since I felt like her story was a red flag, I started to investigate and I could NOT find her parent’s obituary ANYWHERE. I couldn’t find one trace of evidence she was not still alive. I tried everything in my power to look it up. I also noticed she had left the GoFundMe logged into my computer, so she DID have access to it all along. My theory is that her and her partner blew through the money and she lied about it being stolen. I did not confront her. She kept trying to call and text me for a few more weeks, but we are currently not on speaking terms.

AITHA?

Neither of us are fluent in French. I attended elementary school in French, but switched to English for high school. I can hold a basic conversation, but I don’t have an adult vocabulary. My husband lived in Montreal for a year more than a decade ago. He knows how to ask for the bill at a restaurant, but he doesn’t know simple words.

We’re currently on a road trip through Quebec and the language barrier is a problem. It shouldn’t be because we’re in tourist areas where English is available, but my husband insists on exclusively using French. He approaches every interaction with the confidence and skill of Peggy Hill. Think an over-the-top accent where 1 in 3 words are actually correct. So far he ordered a pasta dish with bacon when he’s a vegetarian, he used several Spanish words with a perplexed server at lunch and he insisted that the front desk told him that the wine in our hotel room was complimentary when it was actually $60.

None of these things should be a big deal, but he won’t admit that he’s wrong so the interactions become painfully awkward. Today at dinner I finally hit my limit. He asked for the French menu even though there was an English menu available. After a few minutes he tells me that the quiche sounds good. There was no quiche on the menu. I have no idea what he was looking at and neither did the server. She asked several times if we would be more comfortable in English and he said no.

As soon as she left our table he starts going off about how she’s pretending not to understand him because she’s prejudiced against Anglophones. He told me that he encountered this all of the time when he lived in Montreal. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I told him that he’s the problem. His French isn’t very good and he can’t communicate effectively. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but he’s being totally delusional. We have another week of this vacation and something needed to be said.

The table next to us overheard and laughed. He got up and left the restaurant. The whole thing was mortifying. In the end I found him outside and he offered to get us a pizza, but he wanted me to go back to the hotel because he needed space. This is where I might be the AH. He showed up with a three cheese pizza. It had blue cheese. He hates blue cheese. I probably should’ve just let it slide, but I used the moment to double down and tell him again that he obviously doesn’t understand French.

Edit: He woke up and saw me on reddit so we talked it out. We agreed to ask for one French and one English menu going forward and then we’ll compare to learn new words.

I asked about the quiche and it seems like he was confused with the menu layout. There was a tartare section with a vegetarian mushroom tartare. He saw mushrooms and egg and jumped to conclusions.

The pizza was an upgrade. There was an option to add a local blue cheese called bleu le ciel. He heard local cheese and just said yes.

Edit 2: For those saying that I made this up because you can’t go to French elementary school if your household doesn’t speak French that isn’t true. I’m from northern Ontario. My mom’s family is francophone, but my dad only speaks English so that’s what we spoke at home. There was no issue attending French elementary school.

Long story short: Last summer my co-worker (27M) asked me (38M) to be one of his groomsmen after we worked together for a couple years. His fiance (27F) also asked one of her coworkers (32F) to be one of the bridesmaids.

On a group camping trip the bridesmaid and I hit it off and started an FWB situationship that has lasted for about a year and a half. The wedding is out of state (so the bride and groom can be closer to family for the wedding). The bridesmaid and I decided to fly together to get cheaper tickets (she had a deal with airline miles on a paired set of tickets left over from her ex husband).

Cut to about six weeks before the wedding. The bridesmaid and the bride have a falling out (not over anything super serious) and the bride stops talking to the bridesmaid for a couple weeks. The bridesmaid asks to step back from the bridesmaid role but still expresses her love and support and wishes to attend the wedding as a guest. She is fresh out of a messy divorce and feels like she wouldn't be able to hold it together walking down the aisle as part of the ceremony. The bride uninvites her to the wedding.

The groom and I are watching this from the side lines and try to mediate, albeit unsuccessfully. I lose my airplane ticket. This is happening right as I get a new job and move to a new city (with all the added costs associated with that process) and I am pretty short on cash to get a new ticket at short notice. I explain this to the groom and he says he is cool with me stepping back and not attending due to the unexpected situation.

Cut to the weekend of the wedding. The former bridesmaid and I are going backpacking locally and before we head into the woods I send the bride and groom a text that says congratulations on their wedding and that we were both wishing them the best. We do our weekend trip and I get no response. Then the bride reaches out and lets me know that they are both upset at me and that we need to have a meeting.

AITAH?

It's been stuck in my head for 3 years now but once when I was 17 I was in a relationship with a girl and after a few weeks she stopped talking to me. I tried asking her what was wrong in person, texting, calling, and passing notes. However she never told me what was wrong.

So i decided to text one of her friends if something was wrong and if i could help, not even the friend knew why she wasn't talking to me so i thought that was the end of it. Until a few days later she berated me over text on how i betrayed her by talking to her friend behind her back, and how I should have just asked her myself.

Later on broke up with me and said really hurtful things like how she never even liked me and how she's actually a lesbian (despite showing off her new boyfriend to me 3 days later) to this day I'm very confused on if i actually did anything wrong

Emphasis on considering.

I’m brazilian and things are about to get real bad here, politically-wise. I won’t go into details cause that’s not the issue but I (33F) shared with my boyfriend (38M) that if things indeed get bad here I’d consider leaving the country. I have no property, no kids, a few friends (some already in Europe) and I’m a graphic designer who works remotely and won’t ever retire, I just want a nice life while I can enjoy it.

I’ve lived abroad it before and it was amazing. However, I know it’s not a decision you make on a whim, it has to be planned otherwise it won’t work. I’m now finally getting my Italian citizenship, with all the paperwork hopefully done and ready in the next year. At first I was kinda “whatever” but now I’m really thinking about doing something with it, probably studying abroad.

Today I’ve just shared that with my boyfriend of 4-years, alongside with the fear I now have for my country’s future, I mentioned that “if things get really bad we could move somewhere else - you can get the citizenship through marriage and we sort things out”.

He got outraged, first that “he won’t ever be able to move abroad because he doesn’t have an european passport” (leads me to think he doesn’t want to marry me - but I digress) and second that he won’t ever leave his family or his country to move somewhere else. I assured him that I’d only do that if things get real unbearable here in Brazil and I was just venting, out of very sincere fear. I don’t even have the passport yet. I have no plan laid out either. But he got mad. And that put him in a bad mood for the whole day, he’s still nagging about it.

Was I tone deaf? Maybe I sounded like I wanted to leave him? Or would do that in a heartbeat?

Im 18M, this is my final year of schooling with practically only the 'fun' parts of school left, like shirt signing and graduation, etc..

I have been chronically ill for the past 3 years now, I have a diagnosed condition that makes it hard for me to come to school in the mornings. Ive tried , but its just painful and ends up being embarassing but I suffered all through out my younger years of schooling. When I got to my senior years, I gradually attended less in the mornings and came when I felt better.

For context I have the same two staff members who are in charge of all the senior years functioning and they essentially do everything for all students, both of them have been hounding me about my attendence making so many meetings with my parents asking why Ive been skipping, how I can come to school on time and how to solve my issues. To them, they dont see it as a valid reason because my condition is caused by stress. Ive actually asked the school and vice principle if I could just do online school before I went into the final year of school because I KNOW I will attend less. They said no, said they will support me and provide facilities I require. So my parents and I chose to stay.

Depression started and it hit me hard, that paired with iron deficiency and inability to come to school in the mornings. I would skip so many sacs and postpone to a later day, and I could tell my teachers were sick of it. (Theres about 6 leaders and all of them would come to meetings to beg me to come to school on time.) But then again, other students do this too. I suppose its annoying regardless I dont deny it. My subject teachers given up on me, doesnt even greet me or look at me anymore, just all around disappointed and I can tell. When we had mass assembly and haad to shake hands, the senior staff member in charge of us didnt make eye contact with me specifically and literally gave a one second hand shake whilst everyone else got like twice the amount of attention.

I feel bad, for causing them so much trouble. I wish I didnt have these problems and couldve just done online school. It was the faculty who decided to say no to it but so many teachers suffered cuz of my inadequacy.

AITAH? Should I apologise? Im not sure how to even start it when they blatantly just feel disappointed in me.

Anyway, Ive been waiting for uni for so damn long. Is it better there? Do I have a second chance to just be better and do better ? Or will my highschool life be carried there too. I want chances to do leadership roles, events, join clubs and stuff but what if im just known for my school life? The sick person?

edit: Ive read all your comments, thank you so much for everyone responding, criticising or sympathising I appreciate it all honestly. ive left a lot of information out I apologise for that, My gp has diagnosed me with IBS, I have chronic fatigue and abdominal pain in the mornings. Im unsure if its celiac, I have to do a biopsy which i dont have to time for at this current moment. I can handle it throughout the day but it is debilitating in the morning specifically. What essentially makes the whole morning thing difficult, is if I want to have a stomach that isnt constantly hurting I would need to follow this strict low fodmap diet, ive discovered im intolerant to practically everything. I have such low iron and that adds to my drowsiness every morning. Just to be clear, my gp has diagnosed me with this, and has offered medication. I had severe side effects and she made the decision for me to go unmedicated during school as I cannot risk worse health during my last year of school especially with all exams. My school is aware of all of this, she created a letter of support with me and I have a psychologist and dieticians confirmation too. So, I am not worried regarding attending class for university in the mornings because my gp has explained that I could perhaps take a gap year if I require to find the right medication for me. I dont expect my parents to support me for the rest of my life, I want to work with my condition, and I know the world does not owe me anything so I am sorry if I came off entitled to some of you.

I've actually already been accepted into my dream uni with my english scores alone, they are far more accomodating and allow me to choose my timings so I can go in the afternoon. thats why I am not worried about the medical aspect of my uni life, its not because I am expecting them to just deal with my condition.

Ive been feeling resentful to the school particularly because theyve completely denied my request for online school even after my doctors note, chose to ignore the doctors support letter that explains I cannot come to school in the morning on time this year and continued to tell me to just get therapy which would apparently solve everything. They just keep telling me to 'try my best' and when I do and try show up anyway, they send another strict email saying its unacceptable and that they could fail me if I continue doing so. But I wanted outsiders perspective, its hard to see what the right thing to do is when I have all this pent up resentment, if I am TA I will just apologise.

This is a long one, and I'm sorry in advance. There's a TL;DR at the bottom, but I think the details matter.

My (34F) family is very dysfunctional, but I'm specifically referring to my relationship with my mom for this post. We've always had our issues, so I try to be mindful of the battles I choose with her. For example, I live 4 hours away from her, and I don't visit her often at all. She had been begging me to come out and see her for the past year, and I've avoided it because I know how she can be sometimes. However, I decided to head out there this past weekend because my friend was going to be in town with her kids.

To clarify, my mom has her own separate relationship with this friend. I'll call this friend "Mary." Mary and I have been friends since high school, but Mary and my mom developed a friendship about 5 years ago after Mary's divorce from her husband. My mom has consistently gone out of her way to be there for Mary and her (three) kids (currently between the ages of 10 and 6). Mary sees her as almost a second mom. Mary and I talk on the phone at least a few times a week, but the last time I saw her was about 4 years ago. She lives 5 hours from me, so it's a difficult drive to make for either of us. Still, I've developed a close relationship with her kids (based on the two times I met them in the past and talking to them over the phone at times).

Anyway, we (my mom, Mary, me, and a couple of my other family members) made a plan. Mary comes out to the city where my mom lives occasionally. It's closer to her than the city where I live. So we (all) decided that Mary, and her kids would come out to my mom's place to hang out for a full day, then Mary and the kids would spend the night, and leave the next day. I was going to stay for the rest of the weekend. Everyone had a good time, and before they left, me and Mary had a conversation about how much she loves and appreciates my mom. She even left a really sweet letter to my mom (because my mom was asleep when she left), which my mom said was beautiful.

Fast forward to the next day, I promised my mom I would stay out there to just hang out a bit with her. My mom and sister live together at the moment, and they've been having a lot of conflict with each other. I set an internal boundary (that only I know about) that I wouldn't get involved in it, so I tried really hard to keep things calm and level between all of us. My mom kept pushing my sister (and me, too) at breakfast that morning. She was saying rude things and being an overall asshole. Just like I promised to myself, I tried to let it roll off my back and change the topic.

HOWEVER, eventually my mom and sister got into a big fight. Long story short, I broke my boundary and tried to mediate between the two of them. My sister exploded at my mom. She was super vulnerable, and it was super intense. I asked my mom "what did you hear from what [sister] said." My mom clearly didn't hear what my sister was getting at, so I told her what I felt my sister was trying to say. She still wasn't hearing it. Then I tried to get them to both say their side of the issue while being fair to the other. I validated my mom's perspective, and also my sister's. I tried to get them to see eye to eye, but my mom wouldn't budge.

The argument/conversation got cut short because we were running late to a movie, and we couldn't refund the ticket. So me, my mom, and my nephew got in the car and headed out. While we were in the car, I was trying to explain to her one of the things my sister was talking about. She was upset because my mom would basically talk shit about her to her friends and family. My mom has done that all our lives, and I explained to my mom how that has impacted us (me and my sister). I told her about how I would hear her talk shit about me when I was a teen. I explained how it led me to have this pretty intense fear in college of being in my room when my roommates were in the common space and didn't know I was home. I was so scared I would catch them talking shit about me. The fear was pretty bad. She was surprised but not super empathic.

Eventually, we (or I guess I) concluded the conversation with me telling my mom that any conflict we have (within the family) can be resolved just by talking through the issues, and coming to a resolution through discussion. I thought that was fair.

So here's the problem: On the way home, we're all talking about the movie and other random stuff, right? Then randomly, my mom is like "I'm going to end my relationship with Mary. I don't like how you micromanaged my interactions with her while she was here, and I'm trying to live a peaceful life." She was referring to the fact that I would basically tell my mom to chill when she was trying to force my friend to do stuff. For example, we went to an apple orchard and we ate before we went out and did anything else. The kids didn't finish all their food, and my mom was like "don't throw that out, you can take it home and save it." My mom has this way of being really pushy. I knew that Mary didn't actually want to food because we were talking about how nasty it was, so I told Mary that she didn't need to save it if she didn't want to. That wasn't the only example, and I'm sure there was at least one time I did something and it was too much, but my mom didn't want to talk to me about how I acted with her. She wanted to end her relationship with my friend.

Anyway, I lost it. I never even curse IN FRONT of my mom, but I was throwing f bombs all over the place. I told her how it didn't make any sense for her to cut off a person because she has an issue with an interaction she had with a different person. I also told her how much Mary loves and appreciates her. I reminded her about the letter she read JUST THE DAY BEFORE, and how she said it was beautiful. But apparently, her relationship with someone who sees her as a mother is disposable. Because of a conflict she has with me? Then I also told her that this whole day, I've been talking about how to properly communicate with each other. How we can resolve issues by discussing things, and how I've shown myself to be very easy to talk to the entire day.

In the middle of me yelling at her, I heard her saying things like "when you put it that way..." and "I won't cut off the relationship with her" and a bunch of other stuff, but I didn't care about anything she had to say at that point. She dropped me and my nephew off at the house and ran some errands. I went inside and cried to my sister about everything. My nephew was there for me and standing up for me the whole time too (he's in his early 20s). Eventually, she came back to the house and didn't say anything to any of us for the rest of the day/evening.

The next day, I went home. That night I got a text from my mom. It was in a group text with my brother, sister, and my nephew. She said she thinks we should do family therapy to resolve our issues. I absolutely do not want to do family therapy with her or the rest of my family for that matter. She wasn't even open to hearing me when I was politely telling her about how she traumatized me as a teen. And after decades of trying to get her to hear me and understand how she makes me feel, she's never changed. I'm not interested in being vulnerable with her again. For clarification, I've been in therapy for over a decade, and I've had to work through the issues I developed because of my family on my own. It's very been rough.

So am I the asshole for not wanting to go to family therapy?

Tl;dr: I went out of town to my mom's place to spend time with my mom and my friend. The two of them have their own close relationship. My mom was upset with the way I "micromanaged" her interactions with my friend while this friend and her kids were spending the night. After a day of talking about communication, my mom told me she was going to end her relationship with my friend because she was upset with feeling micromanaged by me. I cursed her out. Now she wants us to do family therapy, and I don't want any part of that with her.

Hey all! This will probably be my last post about my foster parents. I know I'm probably getting annoying at this point, seeing as I make a post about once a year about them, but I honestly like getting outside opinions. Sometimes it helps me feel less crazy about the situation I'm dealing with. Anyways, I'll get to the point.

For background, I'm a 17-year-old girl who has been in foster care since I was 13. I've been in the same foster home the entire time, and my foster parents eventually became my legal guardians. I've had a lot of issues with them over the years, and I've posted about some of those situations on here before. I'd say I'm a relatively good kid. I don't ask to go places, I rarely hang out with friends, and I mostly just go to school and come home. I graduated with my associate degree last year during my junior year of high school, with a 4.0 college GPA and high honors, and I've maintained a 4.0 in high school as well. I'm involved in several clubs and am currently preparing to leave for university. I'm not saying any of this because I think good grades make me a better person, but more because I've really tried to make something of myself despite everything that's happened.

I've always been careful about how I act around my foster parents because disagreements with them can turn into much bigger situations than they need to be. I've learned to keep my head down and avoid arguing because I don't want to make my living situation any worse. Since I've been here, I've just been trying to do my best to avoid conflict. Recently, my foster parents' mother spent some time with me, and we really bonded. We talked about how I was rarely allowed to do anything outside of school, and she sympathized with me. She offered to take me to the movies just to get me out of the house. She got my number, spoke with my foster parent, and they apparently agreed on an arrangement.

The day we were supposed to go, my other foster parent came into my room screaming at me. She said she couldn't believe I'd made plans without talking to them and went on and on about how she was "the adult" and I was the child. I was confused because I thought everything had already been discussed with my foster parent. All I said was, "You don't have to shout at me." Afterward, she told the other family member that I couldn't go because I was supposedly arguing with my foster parent??? When I texted to ask what happened, I was told the plans had been canceled because my foster parent's biological grandchild couldn't come along. I guess that makes sense, but it still bothered me. Their biological grandchild gets to leave the house regularly, while I rarely get to do anything. It feels like there are always extra conditions attached whenever I want to go somewhere.

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. Here's one I posted about last year, In case you don't wanna read my other posts (you definitely don't lol): Last year, I joined Robotics and several other school clubs. I made sure to tell my foster parents about the meetings, and they initially seemed fine with it. One day, a Robotics meeting got moved from 3–5 PM to 5–7 PM. I went and told them about the change, and they didn't seem upset. When the meeting ended, I called my foster parent to pick me up. She refused and told me that since I'd supposedly "made plans without discussing them", I could walk home myself. No getting in my friends' car's or anything. Normally, they wouldn't let me walk home alone in the dark because our neighborhood is dangerous. It was also pouring rain that evening.

Thankfully, a friend offered to walk me home while her dad followed us in his car. When I got home, my foster parent yelled at me some more, threatened to take away my belongings, and mocked me when I tried to explain why I was upset. Neither of my foster parents spoke to me for the next couple of days. Things like this have happened repeatedly over the years. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells in a home where I'm supposed to feel safe. I've tried to be understanding because my foster parent has BPD, but at some point, I started wondering why I'm always expected to be the understanding one. Her mental issue is not an excuse to treat me like that. Im glad I came to that realization.

Another issue is that I used to work for my foster parents every day for $100 a week. I eventually told them I felt I wasn't being paid enough, and they fired me. I can understand them not wanting me to work for them anymore, but they also won't let me get a job anywhere else. So now I'm left worrying about how I'm going to afford things for myself and prepare for college. For years, I've tried to be especially careful about what I say and do because I didn't want to jeopardize my education or my living situation. Having my electronics taken away would have made completing my college coursework difficult, and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I felt like I had to put up with everything because I had no other choice. Now, though, I'm about to leave for university, and I'm tired of pretending that the way they've treated me over the years hasn't affected me. I wouldn't say I hold a grudge, but I'm definitely not going to keep letting everything slide just to keep the peace.

This brings me to the actual situation. My foster parent also yells at the other foster kids in the house, and I recently had a video of her screaming at them. I decided to send it to my lawyer. Before I sent it, my foster parents saw the video. They told me that DHS had already heard them screaming at the kids and didn't care. I know that's not true, they were trying to discourage me from doing anything about it. Just because I've acted dumb to keep peace doesn't mean that I'm actually that gullible. Afterward, I was patronized for recording her. Whenever she yelled at the kids again, she'd make comments about hoping I was recording her. It felt like she was trying to make me feel stupid for documenting what she was doing. After I sent the video to my lawyer, my foster parents told me DHS had contacted them and that they were going to lose everything, including all the foster kids and me. I don't know exactly what's happening with the investigation or whether that's actually going to happen, but they've made it seem like I'm responsible for all of it. And they've spun the story so oddly to DHS, saying that I only sent it because I was having a tantrum and I wanted to get their house shut down, that I apparently used them for my college degree (which makes no sense, because my school is the one who paid for it, and I'm the one who earned the degree), and a load of other BS.

Honestly, I don't feel bad, and I'm not sure if I should, and it's not like the video was fake. She really said those things. These kids deserve to be in a safe home, in which they aren't experiencing mental abuse. I know that's what I wanted. I used to think it could always be worse, but why does that matter when it's already bad? I understand that being removed from a foster home can be difficult, and I don't want them to have to go through any more instability than they already have. But at the same time, I don't think it's my responsibility to protect my foster parents from the consequences of their own behavior. I didn't make the video to get revenge on them. I sent it to my lawyer because I felt that someone needed to know what was happening. If DHS decides that the home isn't appropriate for foster children, I don't see how that makes me the bad guy.

I also know I'm not perfect. I've gotten upset and definitely lashed out on occasion. But I don't think I should have to be a perfect child to deserve basic respect, especially from the adults who are responsible and literally get a check for taking care of me. I guess I'm just at a point where I'm done being afraid of them. For years, I've worried about losing my belongings, being punished, or making my situation worse. Now that I'm finally getting ready to leave, I don't feel like I have as much to lose by speaking up. But maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way. Maybe I'm so used to being treated badly that I can't tell when I'm being unreasonable anymore.

AITAH for sending the video to my lawyer? Should I feel guilty about the possibility of my foster parents losing their foster children, or am I right to believe that their behavior is their responsibility, not mine?

I'd appreciate any opinions, especially from those who have experience with foster care or have been in similar situations.

Hello. This is regarding my friend (let’s call her Sarah) and I. Both adults.

We’ve known eachother for 8 years now. We had a relatively good friendship. We live in CA.

When I met her she was dating this guy from Florida. He would lie and make all sorts of excuses to not see her. And she would believe him. She visited him a few times. I told her plenty of times it wasn’t worth it hes not even trying. Eventually she broke up with him cause he put no effort.

About 4 years ago she started talking to this guy she met online. He lives in NC. During the first 6 months of their relationship he visited her twice. She visited him once. Closer to their 1 year mark she said he asked her to move across the country and live together with him. And when we talked about it. She really wanted to go. I suggested maybe give the relationship more time to build and grow. It’s not even a year yet and they’ve only seen eachother 3x.

She insisted. I reasoned with her she has a good job. She has family. She has friends. There isn’t such a rush to leave yet. And maybe after year 2 if it’s really going well then she can consider. Or at the very least visit for a few months if they both can afford her traveling that long or often. But there was no reasoning. She was adamant about going. She yelled at her parents. And also told me to “stay the fuck out of her life. She’s a grown ass adult she don’t need more parents. She can handle this shit herself. “

Well. Once she left CA she cut all of us off. That was 3 years ago.

Last night I got a voicemail “My boyfriend kicked me out. We’ve been fighting a lot. Can you please send me some money so I can come back? I’m exhausted and mentally drained”. And this was followed by a gofundme link.

So no apology. No nothing over the years.

Do I miss my friend? Yes. Do I want her to be safe? Yes. But at the same time. Do I want to be the safety net after how things ended? No.
Part of me wants to respond and atleast encourage her to seek out DV shelters/ resources. But I also don’t want to open that door considering how things ended.

WIBTAH for not responding considering how things ended and the no response for years?

Edit - after all you guys said. Thank you for feedback. I’ve decided to keep my distance. We’re not friends on Facebook or Instagram. But she still has my phone number so if she really wants to talk. I’m open to it. But I won’t be sending her money. The door isn’t closed forever. But she’s going to need to come in a more empathetic and understanding way.

So I was at the gym with my friend, and we were working out as usual. A kid who looked around 14–15 approached my friend and asked him for workout guidance. My friend called me over and asked me to guide the kids. I asked them what muscle group they'd already trained, and they said chest. So I told them they could train legs. Out of nowhere, some random dude jumped into the conversation and started challenging me about leg press, apparently thinking I was challenging the kids or something. I clarified that I wasn't challenging anyone and was just giving the kids workout advice, but he kept going on about it. At that point, I got tired of the whole thing and told the kids to get guidance from him instead. I was going back to my set when he said something under his breath. I couldn't make out exactly what he said, but I'm pretty sure it was directed at me. So I turned around, walked up to him face-to-face, and told him to say it to my face if he had something to say. He kept acting like a dick and said something along the lines of, "I don't say things to people's faces that I've said behind their backs." He also tapped me on the shoulder during the confrontation. Eventually, I just walked away and continued with my day. I wasn't interested in fighting some random dude over something so stupid, and honestly, I didn't even care about it afterward. I'm just wondering what you guys think. Was confronting him directly reasonable, or should I have ignored him from the beginning? I wasn't trying to prove anything or challenge anyone. I was literally just helping some kids with their workout.

Sorry for the throwaway account, I don’t want any identifying info attached to mine

AITAH: I don’t want to enable my friend to stay with her toxic BF.

My 28F friend, however, has been with her boyfriend for about 3 years. He was really nice in the beginning and we were all really happy for her. But slowly as the relationship and time went on, he started being really rude to her and saying things that were red flags. As her career grew, the more insecure he became, and he attempted to convince her to become a “barefoot and pregnant & teach our children Spanish” (both are Hispanic) type of girl. This friend of mine is queer and experimenting with gender identity while becoming successful in her STEM job that is relatively higher paying.

We started telling her the relationship was going south and that he or they need to start solo or couples therapy if they wanted to save the relationship since they loved each other deeply. They did not, as he does not believe in therapy.

As you can imagine, this only worsened with time. He is so so awful to my friend, he says horrible things to her, and even in an argument started listing out all of the things he hates about her. When she tried to defend herself, he said that’s yet another thing he hates about her. None of us in our friend group understand why they want to stay together if they hate each other so much. After this incident, we were able to convince her she needs time away from him at least, and we all told her how proud we are of her and that if she needs a place to crash she can some stay with any of us.

This type of thing went on, on and off, for months. She would tell us the horrors of her relationship and vent and ask for advice and support, and then the next day say he apologized or he is better now or they had sex and they made up. After this last incident, we checked in on her to see how the separation was going, and she said they had sex again and are back together and that she loves him too much to leave him. Obviously we did not react how she wanted, and she said we are being too hard on her because it’s a hard situation, and something about needing to support women??

I personally was getting so emotionally burnt out from the constant back and forth and her always running to us to ask for advice she’ll never take, and I said I refuse to enable her. I said it is fine for you to come and tell us about your life and your relationship but just know that I am never going to give you the “support” you want because what you want is an enabler. I said I will always try to encourage you to choose to leave things that are harming you.

The end result is that we essentially never talk anymore. Obviously she doesn’t tell me about her relationship anymore, and because of the weird barrier of not telling me about her personal life, we don’t talk much at all now.

I sort of lost a friend by saying I won’t enable her, but in the same breath I worry that this also is not ever going to help me support a friend. But maybe she never will want or accept help anyway, one of those things where you can’t make someone choose recovery. They have to want it themselves. But walking away from someone going through that feels shitty too. AITAH?

I (25F) have an older brother (28M) who's basically been the golden child our entire lives.

He was a straight-A student, got into an Ivy League, and was pretty much everything my parents wanted in a kid. I struggled academically and barely passed school, eventually going to community college. Growing up, I was constantly compared to him. If he did well, my parents would talk about it for weeks. If I did something well, it was usually followed by a comment about how I could've done better.

I think they've had this image of us in their heads since we were kids, and nothing I've done since has really changed it. He's the successful one, and I'm the disappointment.

Things obviously changed when my brother developed a drug addiction in college and eventually had to drop out. He went through a genuinely difficult time, and I'm glad he's doing better now. I know addiction isn't something you can just snap out of, and I'm not trying to downplay what he went through.

But ever since he recovered, my parents have practically turned him into a hero. He's strong, he's resilient, he's overcome so much. I understand being proud of him, but somehow this has become another reason for them to look down on me.

I've managed to build a decent life for myself. I have a job, pay my own bills, and support myself. I'm not rich or wildly successful, but I'm doing fine. My parents, however, still bring up my academic failures and talk about how much more I could've achieved if I'd applied myself. It's exhausting feeling like nothing I do will ever be enough for them.

Last week, the four of us went out to dinner. At first, things were normal, but then my dad started talking about how my brother had so much potential before his addiction derailed everything. My mom agreed and started talking about how proud she was of him for getting his life back on track.

Then, somehow, the conversation turned to me.

My dad brought up how I hadn't achieved nearly as much as my brother had at my age. My mom said something along the lines of how I had never really pushed myself and how she worried I'd regret wasting my potential. She even compared our lives again, saying that despite everything my brother had gone through, he'd still managed to overcome his problems, while I apparently couldn't even get my life together.

My brother tried to say that we had different circumstances and that I was doing okay for myself, but my mom brushed it off. She went right back to talking about how much strength it must have taken him to recover and how not everyone could have gotten through what he did.

I just sat there listening to them compare us AGAIN. It felt like even my brother's addiction and recovery had somehow become another competition I was losing.

So I snapped and said, "Well, I didn't get addicted to drugs. Maybe I'm stronger than him."

My brother immediately went quiet. My mom looked absolutely appalled and told me that was a disgusting thing to say to someone who'd fought so hard to get better. My dad said I was being jealous and trying to diminish my brother's achievements just because I couldn't accomplish what he had.

I tried to explain that I was sick of being compared to him every time we sat down together, but my mom kept insisting that I was making his recovery about myself. My brother eventually said that he didn't deserve to have his addiction thrown in his face, and honestly, I agree with him on that.

Dinner ended pretty awkwardly, and my parents haven't really spoken to me since. My mom sent me a message saying I should be ashamed of myself and that she couldn't believe I'd use my brother's lowest point against him.

I've been thinking about it, and I do feel bad about what I said. Addiction is a serious struggle, and I know my comment was hurtful. I shouldn't have used something so personal against him, especially when he's worked hard to get better.

But I'm also angry that the entire argument has become about my one comment, rather than what led to it. My parents have spent years making me feel inferior to my brother, and when I finally lashed out, suddenly I'm the only person who's done anything wrong.

I don't want my brother to fail so I can feel better about myself. I don't even think my life is worse than his. I just wish my parents could be proud of me without bringing him into it, and I wish being an average person with an average life wasn't treated like some personal failure.

So, AITA for what I said? I know it was a low blow, but I can't tell whether I'm genuinely the asshole here or just let the moment get to me ?

Edit: Thanks for all the advice, guys. A lot of you made a good point about my brother, and I think I do owe him an apology. I don't want to ruin my relationship with him over this, especially when he's not really the problem here.

As for my parents, idk if I'm ready to cut them off completely. It's not that simple, especially since they live so close to me, but I do think I need to start distancing myself and limiting contact, at least for now.

To everyone who suggested therapy, I actually am in therapy. I'm genuinely trying to work through my issues and figure out who I am outside of my parents' expectations of me. It's just been a lot harder than I thought it would be.

Anyway, thanks to everyone who took the time to comment. I really appreciate the advice.

My birthday is October 17th, less than a week away, and as far as I'm aware, nobody has planned a fucking thing.

I've made it explicitly clear to my fiancée that I want to actually DO something for my birthday this year. I don't care if it's a nice dinner, a day fishing, or a goddamn walk around the park. I just want something other than sitting at home all day with a cupcake from the local shop and a candle.

For context: Most of my life, my birthday has been an afterthought. It's always been "Oh shit, your birthday is tomorrow!" or people completely forgetting it altogether.

And here's the part that makes it even worse: More than once, I've taken it upon myself to plan my own fucking birthday celebration, invited people, made arrangements, and nobody showed up. Imagine having to organize your own birthday just to feel like somebody gives a shit, only to end up sitting there wondering why you even bothered.

So yeah, birthdays are a sore subject for me. I'm fucking tired of feeling forgotten, disappointed, or like celebrating my existence is some kind of inconvenience.

Now, my fiancée bought me a beautiful watch that cost a few hundred dollars. I absolutely love it, and I've made it very clear how grateful I am. She told me she spent a lot on it and couldn't afford to do much else. That's completely understandable. I don't expect her to bankrupt herself over my birthday, and I've never asked her to.

But here's what really pissed me off.

Her friend's birthday is about 10 days after mine. She gets on the phone with her sister, and the two of them start planning this extravagant birthday evening for her friend and their girlfriends. They're putting together plans, figuring out what they're going to do, and genuinely making an event out of it.

Meanwhile, my birthday is right around the fucking corner, and as far as I know, nobody has bothered to plan anything.

I'm sitting there listening to all this effort being put into somebody else's birthday, and I can't help but think, "Where the fuck is this energy when it comes to me?"

I won't lie. I was jealous, frustrated, and hurt.

So I made a snarky comment: "Well, at least someone's getting something planned for their birthday."

Was it childish? Yeah. Was it a smartass comment? Absolutely. I own that, and I apologized for it.

But after she got off the phone, she came into the room pissed off and started making a slew of harsh, demeaning comments toward me. Even after I acknowledged my comment was out of line and apologized, she continued.

At one point, she told me, "It's not about you, it's about them."

No shit, it's about them. That's part of my fucking point.

Apparently, we can find the time, energy, and enthusiasm to plan something special for someone else, but when it comes to my birthday, I'm supposed to just be happy with whatever happens, or doesn't happen.

And before anyone says I'm ungrateful for the watch, I'm not. I love the damn thing. But buying someone a gift and making an effort to celebrate their birthday are two different things.

I'm not demanding an expensive party, a weekend getaway, or hundreds of dollars in activities. Hell, I would've been perfectly happy going fishing, getting dinner, or doing something stupid and fun together.

I work my ass off for my family and the people around me. I spend so much of my time and energy making sure everyone else is taken care of, and for once, I'd like to feel like somebody actually gives enough of a shit to make me a priority.

And before anyone suggests I should just plan something myself, I've done that. Multiple times. And I've had people not even bother to show up. There's something pretty fucking humiliating about planning your own birthday, expecting to spend it with people you care about, and realizing you apparently weren't worth the effort of showing up.

That's why this bothers me so much. It's not just about this birthday. It's years of feeling like an afterthought, and now I'm watching someone I love put more

So AITAH for being aggravated and hurt by this?

EDIT FOR CONTEXT: I DETEST surprises. Almost everyone who knows me knows this fact about me. So a surprise is out the window. I like to know plans ahead of time.

So I (18F) work for a small business, and our scheduling structure is pretty informal. My brother and I have worked here for 3 years and have good relationships with both of our bosses. We make seasoning and barbecue sauce, for my boss’ brand as well as co-packing for larger companies. That is where most of our work comes from. We have two bosses (husband and wife), 2 morning shift employees (this is also when my bosses might help out in the production line), and 3 evening shift employees. When I say informal scheduling, I mean that when there’s not enough work to need extra employees, we’re lucky if we get an 8 hour notice not to come into work. The hours have gotten more consistent as we’ve gotten more orders for co-packing from other companies. One of the morning shift employees is my bosses’ son and he regularly has to work ridiculous extra hours pick up insane slack when his parents leave town. Here’s when I’m wondering if I’m the asshole:
Around two weeks ago my boss pulled me into his office and essentially said “there’s gonna be 2 1/2 weeks in November where no one can take any days off so me and (other boss) can go on our anniversary cruise.” (Normally I get Wednesdays off but okay, if it has to happen) I checked my calendar, and didn’t see anything planned that we’d need time off for. Yesterday, I realized that I forgot to put an out-of-town weekend music festival in my calendar that’s right at the tail end of their cruise. I immediately texted my boss that we’d have to miss a Friday and a Monday and apologized for failing to remember to let him know sooner. This is still a month before that event. Here’s what the following texts were:

Boss: “Well that doesn’t work very well. We will be gone, (his son) will be working expo shows by himself, and we have to be closed with no amount of supervision here at the facility. We were really counting on you and (my brother) so this hurts reading this.”

Me: “It’s completely my fault that I forgot which week it was, and didn’t let you know sooner, and I’m very sorry. Unfortunately my dad has had this planned/paid for since February, before I knew you would be gone. If there’s a way for us to come in on weekends before or after to catch up on work we are more than willing to, but I’m not sure what to do about the expos.”

Important to add is that my boss didn’t tell me I needed to work the expo shows with his son until just now. I didn’t even know there were any happening. There have also been other instances where I tell my boss we need time off the following week, and he makes a fuss about “at any other business you would need to let me know further in advance and find a cover.” There’s no one to cover me! We don’t have any extra employees who wouldn’t already be working! Also, I ask for the time off relatively close to the date because if I don’t, he’ll just ask me to remind him closer so he knows what kinds of orders we will have. I’m not even sure he knows what orders/amount of work we will have when we go to this festival?

My boyfriend and I are at odds over this new boundary I've set. He had a rough year with some family passing away, but he has a lot of trauma from childhood and sometimes it is a lot for me. He has confidence issues and can get into these moments where he feels unlovable and that people don't like him. I try to comfort him but sometimes it never seems to help. He does go to therapy and is getting better, but I've set a boundary.

Now, anytime he starts talking about not liking himself, I stop responding to texts, or if we're in person, I ignore him. I don't engage at all and sometimes block him until it passes. It may seem harsh but it's to protect my own mental health.

He feels that I don't love him fully because I leave in these moments when he needs support, or wants comfort. He does feel bad for getting down around me, and I can tell he tries his best to stay positive, but he is also upset at me for how I treat him in these moments. AITAH for how I've been handling this?

Hi! I finally got tired of everything always being a mess and hired a housekeeper to come just once a week to help.

My boyfriend flipped out, saying how it’s “disrespectful “, because he cleans the house all the time.

I’m completely baffled by this. What is he mad about?

I’ll point out that I’m paying for her with my money that I make from work, and we didn’t need that money for anything else.

Am I the asshole for hiring a cleaning lady!

Add on : approximately a week and a half to two weeks before the first day the cleaning lady came, I said to my boyfriend hey I figured since you hate cleaning so much and are always complaining to me about how much you hate it that I would hire somebody to come in once a week can help clean.

At which point he lost his shit and said that that was so disrespectful.

Up until this point I had always told him that he did not have to clean a single thing if he wanted to he’s welcome to, but I never asked him to clean anything at all.

Not the least of which reason is because none of it is his it’s all my stuff so it’s my responsibility to keep it clean if he wants to use it then he can clean it after he’s done using it.

But he doesn’t clean it after losing it he thinks he clears it, but he just leaves it. Disassemble like some meth head on a binge… the messes that he cleans he cleans up just look 10 times worse the next day and when my Nanny‘s coming every morning they can always say how they can tell her she been around because the house looks insane in the morning

I’m so exhausted from cleaning up his messes and then getting whined uat because I did.

I’ve been working my absolute ass off to try to provide a good life for me and my boyfriend. I do everything for them and I don’t understand how nothing is ever good enough for him. He literally has no rules that he has to pay.

He has no childcare he has to do and if he does have to do it, I pay him to watch his own child.

Freeze the fuck out because I hire a cleaning lady?

He has been complaining nonstop to me about how the house is so disgusting and how much he hates cleaning it don’t understand how this is a bad solution and he has to explain it to me

I’m just trying to solve the problems

My ex (25M) and I (24F) had an exhausting, hot-and-cold dynamic for months. Early on, he claimed personal trauma made him unready for a relationship, so he kept me in situationship limbo. When I finally walked away, he panicked and formally asked me to be his girlfriend.

Once official, the neglect worsened:

He’d put on earphones when riding back alone with me and disappear for days after normal dates.

He consistently canceled our plans to hang out with friends, expecting me to "understand," while rarely initiating anything himself.

When I had to go to my hometown for two months, he avoided making plans until the last minute, almost ditched our farewell hangout to play cards, and overslept past my airport departure.

During long distance, his communication was nonexistent. When I called it out, he gave grand speeches about how he’d “never loved anyone like this,” only to ghost me for 15 hours the next day. I broke up with him.

A month later, we started talking again, but he immediately planned an out-of-town trip with a female friend he knew I was uncomfortable with, without inviting me. When I voiced that begging for the bare minimum felt humiliating, he abruptly ended things completely, stating our religious and family differences meant there was “zero future anyway.”

Two days later, emotionally hollowed out, I agreed to meet a past ex who flew into town. He brought flowers, planned dates, and made me feel chosen. We ended up hooking up, but old toxic patterns surfaced immediately. I realized it was a mistake, pulled away, and cut contact.

Weeks later, my recent ex and I came back into each other’s orbit without a label. He wanted girlfriend perks leaning on me for emotional support, staying over while refusing commitment and citing a "pact with God" to cut off intimacy. Desperate to break this addictive loop, I tried going on one casual date with a new guy, realized my heart wasn't in it, and called it off.

The Breaking Point:
A few nights ago, he came over to my apartment to watch a movie. While I was asleep, he unlocked my phone and read my private AI journal logs. In those logs, I had been privately processing the fallout and trauma of the hookup with my past ex while navigating my grief.

He woke me up in a rage and stormed out. Over text, he slut-shamed me, demanded an audit of every man I’d talked to since our breakup, mocked my past trauma, said he "cursed the day he met me," and blocked me everywhere.

The Ambush:
The next evening, he brought a mutual friend to my apartment, cornered me in my own home, and spent an hour screaming at me. He shouted that I was disgusting for sleeping with someone after we broke up, and that if I was going on dates, I should have cut him off or "stayed fully his" completely ignoring that he never wanted a relationship with me and repeatedly insisted we had no future.

When I tried to explain that I was single, hurting, and trying to break the cycle, he and the mutual friend laughed, mocked my trauma, and told me I “always play the victim.”

They made me feel like an unfaithful criminal in my own living room. AITAH?