I came across a reel on IG recently, and it asked women what they would do differently if they were men. It seemed to be filmed in NYC.

They said things like, “go to the park without looking over my shoulder ” or, “go see live music solo” or, “go for an evening walk alone”. It had hundreds of comments echoing these fears.

I understand the fascist, trad-wifey, Cornell-frat world we live in is scary. It is for me too, at a macro level.

But on a micro level? I’m not scared going to a live show by myself, or having an evening stroll. I’m not always looking over my shoulder. I have experienced scary things, I’ve been mugged, I’ve been followed a few times. But these bad life experiences haven’t (yet?) made me feel permanently on-guard as a woman.

I want to make it very clear that I am *not* judging women for feeling anxious or afraid. But is this really is how most women are feeling these days? Is my experience unusual? Or is this more like bad reviews for a restaurant—people are more likely to talk about a bad experience than a good experience? 

ETA: I live in San Francisco, so not the most dangerous city but still a city.

ETA 2: A woman posted her experience below with feelings of safety in public, noting specifically her experience as a BIPOC woman. I want to point out that I am a white woman in a (disgustingly) wealthy city. I’m somewhat ashamed that I didn’t add my race here, and that I really just considered this through a ”general woman” lens rather than an intersectional lens. I think this is important to disclose for the post, and it’s something I will be sure to keep in mind when I consider things like this moving forward.

I was at work at my night shift job just listening to my normal podcasts. Then the new Oprah episode started and it was about perimenopause. For context I have been REALLY struggling with life the last 6 months and seeking a cure to all this chaos going on in my head. I started listening and related SO MUCH to the episode that I texted my husband something that I don’t think I’ve ever asked him to do before… I texted him a screenshot of the Oprah podcast episode and asked nicely for him to listen to it if he gets a chance. I thought to myself he may give it a listen and try and be supportive but honestly the topic itself didn’t give me lots of hope. When I got home I took a shower and relaxed next to him and casually brought up the podcast and how I listened to it. I asked very nervously if he had listened to it and to my surprise- he not only listened to it but he had already purchased the book the podcast was talking about. We then had a long discussion about perimenopause, menopause, and vaginas in general. He was so supportive, loving, and understanding. He had so many thoughts about it but really just listened. It was phenomenally needed. I don’t know what I did in a previous life to deserve such a mate in life.

42 year old female

Reading about the horrible things that women accept as a normal part of being in a relationship makes me so sad. You shouldn’t have to try and gaslight yourself into being okay with behavior that isn’t okay.

When in doubt, try to look at things from an outside perspective. If a friend told you they were experiencing the things you are in their own relationship, would you be happy for them or sad/angry?

For the millionth time: 🗣️ BEING SINGLE IS BETTER THAN BEING IN A SUBPAR RELATIONSHIP!

So I recently went back to work after being on sick leave for a few months and I wanna socialise with my team and not dread going in but there’s this overbearing “nice guy” on the team that I can’t get rid of. Like for example it would be the end of the day and he would come by my desk and say goodbye to me specifically which he doesn’t do with the other girls on the team, or at lunches he would wait for me to come when people would be walking out when I never asked him to wait on me. (And the reason why I would fall behind intentionally would be to avoid him trying to talk to me) or he would wait for me when I’m leaving the table to fall in line with me and start talking to me when I’m actively waiting on him to leave so I wouldn’t fall in line with him. Or we would be sitting at the table as a group and he would try to make conversation with me specifically. Or I would be leaving the table with someone and he would follow us and insert himself in the conversation. Or yesterday I asked a question in the group chat (which he wouldn’t have known the answer as I started a year before him) and then I mentioned in the group I found the answer and he came by afterwards to “help” when I clearly said I got the answer and he wouldn’t have known anyways.

Before I used to have a girl on the team I was close with so somehow that would keep him away cause I would be chatting to her and he couldn’t insert himself in the conversation cause we would chat about niche stuff. Now I don’t have anyone I’m close with anymore and when the group splits up and I still wanna socialise he ends up following whoever I’m going with. And there’s other guys on the team that are straight and I get on with them cause they don’t give off this icky vibe.

It’s hard to explain over properly over text as well without seeming exaggerated cause it’s this overbearing body language and overbearing “niceness” and that’s really unnecessary and uninvited.

I know it sounds I’m exaggerating but I’ve had “nice guys” like this cyber harass me 7 years after I left a workplace.

It makes me feel super icky as well when I get attention from guys like this, like there’s something wrong with me or something. Last night I genuinely couldn’t sleep cause I felt so icky thinking that I’d have to go back and deal with this weirdo it makes me feel dirty or something, like I don’t wanna wear makeup and dress nice(which is normally the only reason why I like going to the office) cause I know I’ll have this icky guy following me around.

Anyone ever had something similar and how do you deal with it? Like I’m trying to be very short with him and when he tries to make conversation with me I give him one word answers unless there’s other people around cause then I don’t wanna make a bad impression and have the others think I’m rude.

How do you make people like that get the message to stop being in your space?

Hi, everyone!

Please be gentle lol. I (29F) got out of a very toxic marriage in May 2025. My ex was emotionally cheating on me pretty severely - messaging girls on Instagram, texting other women, addicted to porn ... He lied to me A LOT and was constantly trying to manipulate me. I thankfully got out of this relationship after feeling unloved for years. We share a daughter together and coparent - or at least I try to.

In October 2025, I met my now current boyfriend. We have been together for almost a year and have had an amazing relationship. I've never had someone show me so much love and care, and he truly makes an effort in our relationship. He showers me with compliments, does all my yard work, cooks for me, cleans, fixes my car ... anything a man can help with, he'll do it. My last relationship definitely traumatized me but my boyfriend has always made me feel safe. Recently, though, I have been catching him in random white lies. He too was once married and just last month changed his story on when he last slept with his ex wife (before he met me but completely different month and story). I also found out through his email that he lied about when he got divorced, lied about a job he had when we got together (said it was one thing but was really something else), said he never paid for dating apps when he really did, claimed he never hit on girls at his gym but then later accidentally admitted he did, said his mom is a citizen when she isn't, said he's never done shady stuff when we were just talking and not dating but come to find out he was messaging and calling other girls ... there are other things as well, but I just feel genuinely confused. Like why lie about stuff that doesn't matter? I think in some ways he's trying to make himself look better than he is ... but it has me questioning a lot of things he's said. I love him very dearly but I do not want to go down the same path again of being with someone who constantly lies. Any advice?

TL;DR my boyfriend keeps lying about random nonsensical things and I don't know what to do. I think he's trying to make himself look better but he's actually just looking like a liar now. It's making me paranoid and I was previously in a relationship with a compulsive liar and manipulator. I don't know what to do.

My boyfriend (32M) and I (26F) have been together for seven months. He's a lawyer and I'm a teacher. He’s moving to a new city for work around January, and I would join him after finishing the school year in June/July. We’ll have been together for about a year and a half when I move, including roughly six months of long distance.

He wants us to live together, which I am very very happy about. He's offered to cover rent because he’ll be making around $400k while I’ll be making around $80k. He says he doesn’t want finances to keep me from moving to be with him and doesn't want money to stress me out. I won't have an active income for the first two months in the city since my new teaching job wouldn't start until the end of August. I've been saving up to cover myself during this time period.

I really really appreciate his offer, but I’m having a hard time accepting it emotionally. Even though I’ll be working full time and earning my own money, I know that I'll feel like I’m not contributing enough to our relationship or our home. I don’t want to feel like I’m living in his home at his expense as a guest. He literally told me that I would want for nothing when we're living together. I was thinking of proposing that I cover utilities, groceries, streaming services, maybe a couple other things that would add up.

I’m also nervous about going from long distance straight into living together while adjusting to a new city and job. Neither of us have ever lived with a romantic partner before. He already has friends and family in the city, while I’d be starting from scratch. Even though I want a future with him, accepting this just feels risky. I really do believe this is the man I'm going to marry, we both agree that we've never felt this way about someone before. We talk a lot about the future and the life we want to build together.

For people who live with a partner who earns significantly more, how do you feel like an equal partner when you aren’t splitting the biggest expense?

I’ve been going on daily hikes with my kid. Today a woman approached me and let me know there was a man up the trail exposing himself. She pulled out her taser and scared him off.
I went ahead and called police. She didn’t speak English and was worried about being undocumented so she was afraid to call.
She then tells me the is the second time she’s seen him. She had taken a picture of his car the last time it happened to keep an eye out.
I hate that she was exposed to that.
I’m happy that she had protection.
I’m glad she warned us.
I’m sad that she never felt she could report it without getting in trouble.
I’m upset that now I have to be even more vigilant on our hikes.
Do I even want to go anymore?

And then I come home and see all these posts about how that “comedian” was right and women dress like whores.
When fitness bros wear just as little clothing as them. Can we start calling any person who doesn’t wear a shirt whores too? I see guys on my running trail without shirts all the time, are they whores?

I’m so tired.

Content warnings: Cornell case is referenced without graphic details. General discussions of consent and structural inequality.

Snippet:

• Nearly half of Cornell University students found responsible for sexual assault in recent years were punished with extra study programs and written reprimands – but avoided suspension or expulsion, a CNN review of school records found.
• That pattern of relatively lax response by Cornell officials now faces national scrutiny after a woman alleged she was gang raped at a fraternity house.

Just two Cornell students were expelled after being found responsible for sexual assault between mid-2020 and mid-2024, according to the most recent data released by the university. In all, Cornell reviewed 51 formal complaints about sexual assault in that time frame and found students responsible in 16 cases.

• Those statistics highlight a significant problem of Cornell officials minimizing accounts of abuse, five current and former students who filed sexual misconduct complaints at the university told CNN.
• Some of those students say the university found their attackers responsible for the assault – only to let them off the hook with light punishments.

Im 20f and my mom is 52f. Growing up our relationship was strained cause of her ex husband being abusive to her and sexually abusive to me but once she divorced him (I was 18) we started getting along and have a good relationship. Tonight im going on a date with a guy, 25m, and its the 2nd date but I really like him cause compared to the last guys I've dated he has all his shit together and cares about my boundaries and comfort. To get into it my mom was making dinner and I come out of my room and she asked where I was going so I told her and she starts drilling questions which me being naturally defensive I fire back until she said "What race is he?" And i said mexican cause he is until she went "😮‍💨🙄 Are you fucking serious?" Keep in mind my mom is racist to just about anyone and to her own race which is black and im half mexican so I just find it ironic. She then goes on to say how I need to keep my location on and I fire back with "this is the 2nd date, im 20, I understand your concern but we'll be in a public area since its just dinner." She then says "So I made all of this just for you to go out with some boy who probably only wants your p*ssy?" Like wow thanks, mom but I kept my cool and said I'll plate some before I leave and eat it tomorrow only for her to cut me off and say "No, here's my Tupperware for me🖕🏻"

I hesitated to post this because I don't want to trigger anyone who has been through similar experiences. My heart genuinely goes out to those of you who have experienced abuse.

I 29F been dating 30M for a short time who initially seemed very genuine and kind. However, there were a couple of occasions when he made disrespectful comments toward me. He also seemed to downplay his criminal history which made me uncomfortable enough to trust my gut and do a background check. What I discovered was deeply concerning. I found multiple criminal records involving assault, including a charge for assault and battery against a family or household member. He hadn't disclosed everything I found and I was left wondering what else I didn't know. I understand that an arrest or charge doesn't automatically mean someone is guilty and I did find a case that was dismissed. Still, the overall picture raised serious concerns for me. When I confronted him about things, we ended up arguing. After I ended things, he called me a demon and said I deserved to burn in hell. He sent text after text insulting me and telling me how much he hated me. I also discovered that he had taken his personal drama to public social media.

Needless to say, I decided to walk away and he is now blocked. I understand that people can change but I also believe that I'm allowed to protect my peace and take concerning behavior seriously. I know he is on probation for three years in my state which makes me hope that he respects my decision and stays away. Part of why I'm posting is that I've been in a relationship with a narcissistic person in the past. One of my biggest weaknesses is seeing the best in people, giving them the benefit of the doubt, and sometimes giving far too many chances when I should walk away. I think I know deep down that ending this was the right decision, but I could really use some reassurance from people who understand these situations.

How do you learn to trust your gut without second-guessing yourself or feeling guilty for walking away?

What?????? I’ve been seeing this claim all over the place since the Shane Gillis comment. I’ve even been seeing WOMEN say this. WHAT?!

People say things like “if women don’t dress for men, then how would they dress in women’s only gyms? I’m sure they’d wear t shirts and baggy sweats”

This is just outrageously stupid and false, so obviously false and so easily proven wrong that I feel like these people must be living under a rock. Has anyone ever stepped foot in a Pilates, yoga, cycling studio etc? Or any exercise-club type of organization that’s predominantly women? (Not saying men can’t do these things just that they’re almost always full of just women)

Women literally wear the exact same things, if not LESS of it.

It makes me so mad that so many people are so convinced that women dress for men, and it makes me self conscious about what I’ve been wearing because NOW I’m thinking about how men are perceiving me when before I was straight up just wearing what I was comfortable in.

I usually wear a tank top and shorts to the gym. I recently started wearing biker shorts sometimes because they don’t ride up and most running shorts have “underwear” inserts that dig into my crotch and HURT after a while!!!! Biker shorts feel like nothing. Plus I don’t get why long leggings are okay, shorts are okay, but biker shorts (which are no tighter or shorter) are “whorish”????

I get that some tight shorts are particularly revealing. Is it sometimes jarring to see an outline of someone’s genitalia a little too clearly? Yes. But the automatic assumption that they’re trying to what, display their labia to whore themselves out for men ?? is just flat out ridiculous. Men are actually delusional.

Also, I do find it interesting that men only seem to notice this about women who meet a certain beauty standard. Two women could be wearing the exact same thing, one a fit 22 year old and the other a middle aged plus sized woman—the young woman would be called a whore and the older woman would be called disgusting. So which is it? Or is it just that instead of admitting that you can’t keep your eyes off of women at the gym who DONT WANT YOU, you’d rather call them whores hoping that the world will believe it’s YOU rejecting THEM?

GOD I used to try to defend men from the whole man-hater thing but recently they have just been on a new level.

I just turned 30 and I’ve never had sex. I went to a new Dr. recently and filled out all of the paperwork etc. I told her that I had never had sex at all. She still wanted me to make a plan with her to have a Pap smear since I am overdue and my last one couldn’t be completed because it hurt. After the visit I saw in the portal that they also used my urine sample to test for STD’s. I’m just so confused. Why do drs assume you are lying about being sexually active? It’s more embarrassing to tell the truth at my big age.

I am planning for my wedding next year and have ended up with quite a small group (under 70). It's mostly my big family, with my fiance's small family, and a literal handful of friends. It's brought up some sad feelings for me. Moreso the Bachelorette planning made me realize that I don't have a large strong group of friends. And the friends I do have are coworkers, or men. So in moments like this I feel down on myself for not having a stronger social life, but I have been pouring a lot into my career lately and do a lot of socializing and meeting new people that way.

I travel, I go to events, I generally feel like I have a full and happy life 95% of the time. But at times like this I do feel like I'm missing out. I just have such a hard time making friends who are women. I have a hard time chatting virtually with people and don't really understand how to maintain a friendship that way. I think I have a hard time sharing things about myself that let people connect with me.

But on the opposite side, I feel so frantic with my life as it is. I try to think of joining another club or volunteering more or trying to organize "girls nights" and just don't see how I can have the time. Sometimes that brings me peace, knowing that I am doing what I can, but other times it makes me feel incapable of achieving something that I clearly want on some level.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you compromise? How do you make yourself feel better in those lonely moments?

I only orgasm when I stimulate my own clitoris (fingering doesn't work and it's pretty unconfortable sometimes). My boyfriend has gotten a lot better at it, but nothing seems to work. It doesn’t matter if he goes down on me (which, by the way, I barely feel anything from, and I don’t know if that’s normal) or touches my clitoris. It feels good, but it never gets me to orgasm.

I’ve guided his hand and shown him what I do so many times, but it just doesn’t feel the same when he does it. A lot of the time, when he goes down on me or touches me with his fingers, it even feels a little uncomfortable, even when he’s being really gentle. It’s just not the same as when I do it myself.

It never feels as good when he does it as it does when I touch myself, and I really wish he could make me orgasm without me having to do it myself.

Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal? I’ve wondered if it might be psychological, since I already find it pretty difficult to orgasm in general, although when I’m touching myself, I can sometimes orgasm multiple times. I don’t know. It’s honestly so frustrating, and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know how else to explain it. Sometimes I will get a tingly, wiggly feeling in my right ovary. It doesn’t hurt at all, more like tickles me? I am currently experiencing a very heavy period, but I have felt it when I wasn’t on my period as well. I haven’t found anyone else that has felt this before!

My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. I felt a little pain at first, but after that, it just felt normal to me. He told me he really enjoyed it, but I didn't feel much pleasure at all. Is this normal? Have other women experienced this too?

I occasionally get hit on by my male coworkers. A few months ago, a coworker who had joined our team six months earlier started making a move on me. Well, we did exchange contact info because we both play video games. But later, when he told me he liked me and asked me out on a movie date, I turned him down and said we could only be friends.
Then he got temporarily transferred to another team, and we gradually stopped talking. I made it very clear that we could remain friends, but that I wasn’t interested in a relationship with him. But he came back a month later, claiming he couldn’t imagine his life without me. Like, WTF?

So, after he moved to another team, we got a replacement. And guess what? He hit on me too! But he’s a totally traditional guy. He told me he wanted to live with his parents and expected his future wife to be okay with that. I told him I wouldn’t accept that because I wanted to live separately. He expressed his interest in me again and even asked me to change my “principles.” The audacity. I said, hell no. And this dude turned passive-aggressive. He doesn’t even say hi or answer my questions anymore. We literally work together, for fuck’s sake.

I honestly don’t know what to make of it. I’m always friendly to everyone because, well, they’re my coworkers. There’s no way I’d flirt with them or give them any indication that I’m interested in them. Whenever I ask them what even made them interested in me, they say it’s because I’m nice.
There are plenty of women at work. People are generally nice and kind. Do they think that just because I’m nice and friendly, low maintenance, I’ll bend over backward for them and feel flattered by their attention?

Personally, I take rejection gracefully. If someone tells me no, that’s a no to me. It should be basic decency. There’s no need to act like a crybaby.

Hey, I just wanna vent a little bit, i hope you read this :)

This is my first job, and unfortunately, I experienced sexual assault from one colleague and harassment from several other colleagues at the same time.

At first, the colleague who assaulted me was very kind and seemed to listen to me. I trusted him , I made the mistake of telling him about my vulnerabilities and my personal situation. He knew how important this job was to me and that I was afraid of losing it because it was connected to my degree. Whenever he touched me, I told him I wanted to keep things professional. He would become cold, and things at work started getting difficult. Eventually, I felt pressured into doing what he wanted, in the toilets and the parking lot. It started with seemingly minor things, like hugs anbut gradually became more serious. I tried hard to stop it but i ended up in a loop.

After that, other colleagues started touching me too, carrying me on their backs or making sexual comments. Even when I eventually learned to say no, they didn’t always respect it and continued touching me.

The weirdest part is that, over time, I started acting as if everything was normal. I would laugh and joke with them, even though I was uncomfortable. I didn’t want to cause problems at work, especially within the team

They once told me that a girl had been fired after accusing one them of harassment, and asked if I was going to do the same thing. My boss said she was crazy and that they had fired her. That made me even more afraid of speaking up.

I felt trapped because I couldn’t afford to lose my apprenticeship. I spoke to a lawyer, who told me I didn’t have evidence and that the other side would claim I wanted it.
Now I’m supposed to go back to work, and I still have around 11 months left with them.
What makes this weird is that all of this affected my relationship with my bf .I became more hypersexual with him, and start to ask him to do the same things that my abuser did to me =>he broke up with me.
I just want to finish my degree. I feel awful, sad , and weak.

Do you have any advice so i can move forward plz
Thank you so much for your time :)

It feels like the person asked to give up their seat on a plane is almost always a woman.

and if i think about how the ask goes,its always a man, a couple or a family and wants to sit together and the person they approach is the lone woman in the aisle seat and if you say no, you get a sigh or a look or even a flight attendant sent over. Say yes and you go from the aisle you chose to a middle seat in row 31

I believe the reason is that women are the easiest to ask and idk about you guys but i think women are more likely to say yes and more likely to be punished socially if we don’t. It isn’t about being nice but about knowing how the next six hours go if you refuse.

What bugs me is that seat selection is a paid fee now and when i book through rift flights or skyscanner,I pick my seat on the same minute, because otherwise I end up in whatever’s left and I feel really bad asking someone to give up a seat they paid because its just asking them to eat a cost

And swapping is fine when it’s equal, aisle for aisle, and nobody should expect more. Airlines should seat families together without leaning on strangers and I’m less willing to swap into a seat beside a man I’ve never met than beside a kid and I don’t think I should have to explain that.

Sorry if i am over reacting but i am posting this while waiting for my cab at airport rn ,I had a really uneasy experience while flyin right now(Hate you bald guy i hope you read this)

A few years ago I had spoken extensively to a male friend about how difficult my calculus class was. Like half way through the semester he was shocked to discover I was taking actual calf and not business calc… even though we had discussed it multiple times. I just experienced the same thing with a different male friend, Ive been telling him for months about my nursing program, about how i‘m scared for clinical, I even told him about me taking the prereqs to get in. Yesterday he asking me if i was going to community college to be a nursing assistant, and when I said I would be an rn, he said “ like a real RN?”.