So yeah for context, quit drinking mar. 9, 2023. Been loving life, everyone is super supportive, everything is awesome in my life right now.

Get invites to a party. For context, been recently seeing this new flame, at the stage of enjoying each other's company, seeing where it goes type thing.

Anyways, she says a friend of hers is having a wee little BBQ, backyard party about 20 people. We grab our bikes and head off.

Get there, meet the friend, meet a few other people, meet the boyfriend of the party host.

You know how like within 5-7 seconds you're not gonna like someone? That was this guy. I have eagle eyed radar for drunks (i mean cmon, we're in this subreddit. We're pros!) and he's put his arm around me. "Heeey buddy! Want a beer?"

No.

"You sure? We got all types!" For context they had like a canoe filled with bevvies and ice.

"Nope im good". Proceed to almost forcefully remove his arm off me. He gives me this look, like a "the fuck is this guys problem, im here to party".

I'm gonna admit a little frazzled. Go inside, grab a cup and some water from the tap.

NOW the girlfriend of drunkie (the homeowner) asks if I want a drink, beer, cooler, anything?

I hold up the glass and kinda tip it, like nah im good.

Now SHE gives me a look like "okaaaay..."

So now im like fu k this, 100% not my vibe, not my scene, im outta here. Tell my date im outta here. She's shocked and says shes staying. As im going to grab my bike from beside the garage, I guess she went and talked to them, then came back to me. She's like "what's your problem? Theyre just trying to be nice."

I explain the alcoholic past. She looks at me kinda like"ohhh...." not in a super supportive way. But more of a ugh, ok I guess thats that type of way.

So I grabbed my bike, rode down to the dollar store, grabbed a diet soda and watched the sunset by myself.

Weird night but I definitely know the kinda people I wanna be around, and DONT wanna be around.

Back to the dating pool I guess.

iwndwyt

I hate looking at my old pictures. I hate how much weight I've gained. I used to be so pretty.

I hate myself for putting my loved ones at risk. I think about the people I could've killed, or how I could've killed myself.

I hate myself for being an angry drunk and for being an ass to my loved ones. For how flaky I've been, and for the image my friends and family have of me. For not remembering things I've said and done.

I want people to see me in a different light, but I feel like they never will. I don't even know what people think of me or what image they have of me because I can't remember so many of my own actions and words.

I hate myself for lying, hiding bottles, and finding any excuse to leave the house just so I could drink. For lying to my siblings when they wanted to come to the "gym" with me, telling them I needed alone time when really, I just wanted to drink.

I hate thinking about all the time I've wasted, the memories I've lost, and the ways I've hurt the people I love.

Not sure if anyone can relate.

I experienced something very intense on Friday that triggered a sudden, unmistakable urge to drink. It felt deep and primal. I had been in sustained recovery from alcoholism for two years, but I would be home alone that night for the first time in a long time. I clearly saw the opportunity, and the inner pain felt like I was turned inside out.

I felt panic as I stood with my alcohol in the checkout line. On the way home, I went back and forth between deciding who to call to come take it away from me and convincing myself that I’m an adult and can have some drinks.

The first gulp of a previous favorite drink of mine tasted unfamiliar, almost like poison. After a few more gulps, the panic turned into excitement and a sense of freedom I hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt good and second nature to pound the drinks down again like the old days and get wild.

I woke up with no memory of the latter part of the night and found several pills laid out. I went downstairs and found ~14 drinks gone.

If something had happened, no one would have known.
It’s been five days, and I still don’t feel normal.
Please be careful. It will never be worth it.

Edit: About asking if others on here might relate, I meant following through with the relapse and how it felt. I was terrified

triple digits!! i didn’t even realize it was today until i went on reddit!! for the first month i kept track of literally every day, and it’s gotten so much easier to be sober recently, it’s just become my everyday.

i fell hard into the “anything but drinking” mantra, so here’s some things i did during my first 100 days of sobriety

- knit my first sweater
- started grad school
- drank about a million trader joe’s blueberry lemonade seltzers
- got addicted to baking and gained 15 pounds
- unlocked every single thing on mario kart
- listened to 23 audiobooks
- learned how to make soup and ate basically a bowl a day

I am grateful and thankful. Life is so much better without alcohol controlling it. I def will not drink today.

Went to the ER because I was having withdrawals. They told me to get some rest, drink Gatorade, and hang out in a relaxing room then sent me on my way. I ended up leaving there an hitting up a liquor store

My whole body was shaking at this point. I was sweating like crazy. I had the worst anxiety of my life.

I got home and r never a doctor I went and saw years ago for check ups. She opened in 30 minutes so I put the bottle down and hauled butt to her office.

She laughed and said why would you even get this bad. Said poor choice but I need to quit, I’m starting to get cravings to drink as soon as I wake up in the morning.

She prescribed my 21 Ativan 3 times a day for 5 days and then a tapper plan.

This is day one taking them and other than a tiny bit of shaking in my hands I don’t feel anything. No sweating, no anxiety, no cravings, just chilling.

I’ll keep everyone updated.

Hey y'all. I've been off the sauce for 3 months now, and I lost a good amount of weight.

Friends have said I look great, healthy, younger, etc. If I'm going to be real with myself I honestly do, I look like I did in my mid 20s before the booze made me chronically look 10 years older and I genuinely feel so good inside I could cry. How did I just let myself destroy myself for so long? When I really analyze it, drinking never helped me with anything. Especially drinking alone.

Anyway, yesterday, someone I work with (a woman who I really respect and who genuinely isn't being mean but caring) asked me if I'm okay. I said yeah, are you? She later circled back to it and asked if I lost weight. I said yes, X amt. of pounds and she asked how quickly. I told her a month and a half, then she asked, "Are you sick?"

I said no, I cut drinking and I'm doing moderate exercise (which is true). But damn that has been sitting with me heavily. I've looked bloated for years, I've had somewhat of a gut for years, and the absence of that has shocked this lady who I haven't seen much of for a couple months. My family actually asked if I'm okay the same way but they're always saying wacky things no matter what.

The truth is I am sick but not in the way my co-worker would think. But I'm getting better every single day. I'm just so eternally grateful to this community because I know for a fact I wouldn't be over 3 months sober if not for you guys. I'd always tell myself I'm still young, that I'm not an alcoholic, but then I'd read some of your testimonials about what you're going through and reflect on myself only to realize that is simply not true.

My last surviving grandparent is on her deathbed, I'm broke til I get paid next, but at least I don't feel like a loser because I spent my last dollars on some shitty shooters.

My body looks and feels better, my poops are a lot better, and I genuinely swear the colors of the world seem to be look brighter than they used to be. From being able to count on 2 hands how many days I went without drinking for 6 years, to where I am right now. I'd rather you think I'm sick than actually be sick.

IWNDWYT.

Hi! 25F from the Midwest here. I have struggled with drinking heavily on and off since around age 17, for background. Been hospitalized numerous times due to alcoholism, always chalking it up to simply being a party girl, when in reality I was slowly ruining my life. After quite a few hiccups (to put it lightly... I gotta laugh about my mistakes or else I'll cry), I'm trying to stay sober for good. The past is the past!

Some Major Differences:

Appetite for life (and food!). I have been leaning into my creative pursuits again. I've finished two paintings, been journaling most mornings, enjoying coffee again instead of a swig of alcohol to start the day, and thinking positively about the future. I've been baking and cooking daily, too, now that I can actually stomach some food!

Sleep. I fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night! What used to be a disruptive 2 am- 11 am sleep schedule has shifted to a solid schedule of 12 am-8 am

Digestion. Before, I didn't know when I would need to go to the bathroom; honestly, it was pretty bad near the end - lots of "I have to go NOW" moments - and stomach cramps, oh gooodddddd the stomach cramps. All gone now.

Social Life. I've reconnected with my best friend after a little patch of awkward conversations, reached out to friends and family, and am able to be there to spend time with my niece and nephew.

Clear skin & eyes. My splotchy redness in my cheeks and dull all-over color has subsided. Bloodshot and yellowing eyes are no more. No more glassy, itchy, runny eyes! I don't even feel the need to use eye drops as I did before.

Less anxiety. I just have the conviction within myself that everything will work out, as long as I'm sober. I have that control within me, and I move more easily with confidence towards the future.

Stable Income. Got hired at a new job, so there's that. After a few summer months of using life as my personal playground, I'm actually tending to finances and getting back on my feet.

What a difference a mere 40 days has made. If you're considering taking a break, or going sober, I am here. And I am proof it makes a major impact on all aspects of life... I barely recognize the girl who made all of those decisions just a few months ago.. who is she?! Excited to keep being this version of myself moving forward and diving into a life that excites me.

IWNDWYT <3

Two weeks sober after years of heavy alcohol abuse. Small win, but feels good. IWNDWYT

My husband and I have made the decision to stop drinking through at least the new year, starting tomorrow and we are both terrified. We love going to breweries and plan a lot of our weekend events around drinking. We also consume roughly a bottle of wine each a night. We’ve each had a few couple week sober stints throughout the last 2 years, but never together, which was part of the issue. We’ve both recognized that we have alcohol issues and consume way more than is healthy and want to make a change. It’s terrifying to think about, but also somewhat exciting. I don’t know that we’re quitting forever, but I’m hoping we can at least reset our relationship with alcohol as well as with each other and find new ways to enjoy life that are healthier and alcohol-free! Please send positivity our way!! This is scary!

Headed to treatment. Seems surreal. Cannot wait to end this absolute nightmare that is my life. See you all on the other side.

Only two people outside of this community knows. But today I hit 30 days alcohol free.

Thank you to this community for a place to turn to.

And happily,

IWNDWYT 🙂

Long story short. I've been a drinker since 16 years old. I am now 49. I've had 3 ER visits in the past few months with pancreatitis attacks. I've been told to stop. Period. I think I'd rather fucking die. My job sucks. This world is getting worse by the day. I have no escape now, even temporarily. I have a deep, desperate need to forget and even weed can't really help me. I have no ixea how I can do this.

I've read so many posts here from some very inspiring people. But you all seem so much stronger than me. I managed to go 2 weeks sober, then a few days ago I begged my partner to go get something, anything to drink. I was basically having a panic attack. Well, my partner went and got some beers (very reluctantly, I must say. I would not be told no) and i had a great boozy night. Next day? The pain returned.

So yesterday I had an MRI on my pancreas. Am currently waiting for the results. I hate myself and my weakness. I'm so fucking ashamed. But I can't handle being sober. I just can't.

I don't know what I expect to get from posting this, but I just wanted to get this out. Drinking has been my life for so long and now I just have to stop. Just like that. Well... as I said... I'm not strong enough for this and I'm not sure I even want to carry on living.

EDIT: My god, you are all wonderful. I feel so much more motivated and I feel like I'm among friends. Thanks for the advice and bless you all. In a few short hours of scrolling on here I feel like anything is possible. ❤️

Whether mental health, physical health, jobs, friendships, anything!

I'd love a list of all the positive things that sobriety can create :)

I read something tonight that said how answered prayers can often look like nothing happening- a safe car ride home, kids asleep down the hall, a quiet night on the couch. It reminded me a lot of sobriety because it hit on something I struggle with. When you’re doing well with your sobriety, it often means an uneventful day where nothing much happens. That’s the idea. But for those of us used to living in chaos (of our own making), this “nothing happening” can feel sooooo uncomfortable! I still need to get used to the idea that what my lizard brain reads as “boring” is actually peace, the thing I have wished for so many times when it felt like life was circling the drain. Anyone relate?

So grateful that I made the decision to put the bottle down. IWNDWYT.

Wednesday is poker night, every week. I’ve been playing sober for the past 5 weeks and last night was no different. I bought myself a Guinness 0.0 and sat down to play. A player next to me asked if he could put his Guinness (alcoholic) next to mine. I said yes and we kept playing.

Obviously, after a couple of hands, I picked up his beer and sipped it, thinking it was mine. The ethanol struck my nostrils even before I had sipped, and I knew instantly what I had done.

After 2 years of on-and-off sobriety, Im glad to be at a point where that little slip-up did not affect my mood, my night, or anything else. I simply admitted the mistake, moved on, played poker and stayed sober for the rest of the night.

IWNDWYT ♠️❤️

If you all could be so kind, could you list the number one benefit you’ve noticed from your journey? I’m tired of the bad sleep. I’m tired of losing a whole day due to recovering from a bad hangover.

I reached the point where I realized I was justifying my drinking. If I gave it a reason, it was okay. A sporting event, a bad day at work, a simple accomplishment, etc.

I usually only drink on the weekends so I’m not an alcoholic! That’s just two days a week. Wrong. When I drink, I can’t drink enough. A 6 pack? I can’t enjoy it because I’m already thinking that’s not enough. It has to be at least 12 and I drink it in 4/5 hours every Saturday night and turn around to drink a similar amount on Sunday.

I’m determined to quit completely but I know the hardest part is in front of me. The weekend.

What positive change have you all noticed the most about quitting? Thank you.

Going on a long overnight flight tonight from Heathrow, just over 6 months sober but already aware that airports are a frequent place for relapses.

Any tips on how to set myself up for success? I’m actually not particularly worried about the flight itself, more the two hours hanging about in the terminal filled with bars and boredom!

this isn’t the first time this has happened but this time was a lot different. he’s been relapsing frequently on and off but this time it got so bad to the point everything around him was being taken away so he decided to quit cold turkey. that was the problem this time

he was withdrawing very very badly and was shaking, couldn’t keep any food down, and got very sick. to the point he fainted and started seizing. he passed out unconscious and had to be taken in an ambulance to the trauma center. he sustained very bad injuries but is recovering okay now.

my father insists on doing everything himself and does not accept help especially when it comes to his drinking and is so set on the fact he can do it himself but then things like this happen. all that to say, please please please be careful when you are quitting and don’t do it alone or without the proper help. there are so many people around you that love you and only want the best for you!!

It's been a real journey. Thanks for being part of it!

I posted here recently about being concerned about losing my job despite working my ass off, all because the manager with the power to make that call decided she had some kind of personal problem with me, despite me not even knowing her.

Well, I worked even harder, did everything I could, got super positive feedback from all my coworkers and supervisors, and she fired me anyway.

I’m still not going to drink, I know it won’t help, but god am I fucking pissed. I’m going to lose my house and have to move back to my home town. I have no health insurance now and I’m a type 1 diabetic. This has completely uprooted my life, and all because one petty person has way too much power. Fuck, man…

Three days ago to be exact. I decided I was done for good. Honestly, I have felt better than ever and happier already. I feel like a dumb ass for depending on it so long, but I think everyone kinda can understand that.

I wanted to ask though, why the fuck am I so hungry? I cannot stop eating. I just eat and eat and eat. I have never had a big appetite, even before I started drinking so it's wild to me that my body is just craving things.

And it's craving like...nuts and grains and sweet things like Ice Cream. I don't even like sweets that much.

Is this typical?