As of the last 2 weeks, my fiance and I have been actively arguing and are debating calling it quits. Both sides of our family had an argument and now it leaves me wondering if this is the right choice to continue. There has been several times in the last 2 weeks where my fiance has said this isn’t going to work but he just won’t exactly end it once and for all.

TL;DR

I have journal entries from over a year ago saying I feel something is off. I guess over the last year, I have suppressed my feelings just to continue the relationship. I can’t exactly pinpoint why I love my fiance either. Something feels completely off about all of it now. I feel completely uneasy. Constantly miserable. There has not been a day in the last 2 weeks that I have not cried because I have been extremely overwhelmed with the decision of what to do next with my life.

There is currently no pros of why I should stay in this relationship. I cannot even think of one. All I do know is I don’t want to be alone so in a sense, I might have settled just to be in a relationship.

There has been many challenging moments over the last 5 1/2 years. I stopped feeling heard or cared for a few years back. I felt like I was being dismissed. When I get touched, I cringe because the thought of being touched bothers me. It has always been a challenge where he has never liked my parents and my parents never liked him.

There was a point a few years back where I smelled apparently and instead of telling me directly I smelled, he would just make fun of me and call me smelly until he finally said it one day that I smelled(even though I shower every day and wear deodorant).

I feel as though it is the end of the road of my relationship that I thought was right for me but now I am finally coming to terms that it just is not. I ask him to help with things around the house and when I ask because he is sitting down, he rolls his eyes as if I am bothering him. I brought this to his attention and he said well that is a normal reaction. I am relaxing I worked all day and want to sit on the couch. You are constantly asking me to do things right as I sit down. To me it seems a bit unfair because I work all day too and have a much further commute than him. When I ask him to do things around the house too, it’s like I am babying him because he has to be told what to do he just doesn’t do it. I feel like his mother. His mother never raised him to even do chores around the house. I tell him to shut lights off when he leaves the room, he complains, I ask him to put his things away since he puts stuff everywhere he says why do I need to do that. It’s like I am begging for basic tasks to be done and he thinks it’s a bit much. He said to me these little things shouldn’t bother me. Life is about having fun and going out a house shouldn’t be the main concern.

I am someone who takes are of my belongings and likes things tidy and away. Every time we argue, he always says he hates living with me. I have constantly asked him why do you even stay with me if you hate living with me and his response is well I love you, I also told him sometimes love isn’t enough to continue a relationship.

I barely have time to myself, I started therapy because of him 2 years ago when we were purchasing a house and he constantly wanted his way with things with our house. He doesn’t seem to take my feelings into consideration but demands his ideas and wants over mine.

He also said to me I shouldn’t speak to my mom for a week as he barely speaks to his mom. I speak to my mom almost everyday because I am close to my mom.

Tl;dr : problème d’odeur intime

Ok c’est vraiment ultra gênant à raconter mdr mais j’ai 22 ans et je sais vraiment pas comment gérer ça.
J’ai couché avec un mec à une soirée récemment. C’était juste un truc de soirée, on avait bu, rien de sérieux et franchement après j’y pensais pas spécialement.
Sauf que j’ai appris qu’après, quand il était bourré avec ses potes, il a raconté à plusieurs mecs que c’était horrible de coucher avec moi parce que, je cite (désolée 😭), je « pue de la ch*tte ».
Évidemment il me l’a jamais dit à moi. Je l’ai appris par quelqu’un d’autre.
Et maintenant je suis MAIS tellement gênée parce qu’on a pas mal de gens en commun et apparemment plusieurs mecs sont au courant. Donc dès que j’en croise un je me dis juste « super, lui aussi il doit penser que j’ai une ch*tte qui pue » 💀
Et le pire c’est que j’ai toujours été un peu complexée par mon odeur à cet endroit-là parce que je sais que c’est assez … compliqué on va dire. (Avant que certains demandent oui j’ai fais tous les tests, j’ai eu plusieurs gyneco et je sais à quoi c’est du mais on ne peut rien faire contre, ni avec l’alimentation ni avec autre chose).
Je sais vraiment pas comment gérer le côté social maintenant.
Est-ce que je fais juste comme si j’avais jamais entendu parler de rien ? Est-ce que je vais lui parler ? Et si jamais quelqu’un m’en parle, est-ce que je nie ? Parce que j’ai aussi l’impression que si je commence à me défendre en mode « mais pas du tout je pue pas », c’est encore pire 😭 genre ça montre que la rumeur m’est revenue aux oreilles et ça risque juste de faire encore plus parler.
Et surtout question pour les mecs : si un de vos potes vous racontait ça sur une fille que vous connaissez un peu, est-ce que vous vous en souviendriez vraiment ? Est-ce que ça changerait votre façon de la voir / votre envie de coucher avec elle ? Ou en réalité tout le monde s’en fout probablement beaucoup plus que ce que j’imagine ?
Parce que là j’avoue que chaque fois que je croise un de ses potes j’ai juste envie de disparaître 😭

I (28F) recently ended my seven-month relationship with my boyfriend (35M), and I’m genuinely devastated. I’m looking for unbiased perspectives because I feel like I’ve spent so much of this relationship questioning what was normal, what was acceptable, and whether I was asking for too much.

There’s a lot of background, but I think it’s important to understand how I ended up here.

How our relationship started

When we met, the connection was immediate. He was charming, adventurous, funny, affectionate, and emotionally expressive. We shared a love of nature, music, travel, and spontaneity.

He also had a complicated personal life.

He was married but told me he was separating and getting divorced. His wife and young son lived in another country.

Throughout our relationship, there were confusing details and timelines surrounding his marriage and separation. Sometimes the stories didn’t seem to line up, and I struggled to understand exactly where things stood.

I want to be clear that his son was never the problem. I understood that his child would always be a priority, and I respected that.

My concern was the lack of clarity and consistency surrounding his marriage.

He had also experienced significant trauma after losing his twin brother to an overdose.

I knew he’d been through a lot, and I tried to approach his circumstances with compassion.

I wanted to understand him, support him, and build something meaningful together.

But as our relationship progressed, I started noticing patterns of dishonesty, inconsistency, and behavior that made it increasingly difficult to trust him.

The female friend I was uncomfortable with

My boyfriend had a close female friend who had also lost her twin.

Their shared experience of losing a twin was an important part of their friendship, and I genuinely understood why they felt connected.

But their relationship made me uncomfortable at times.

They communicated frequently, sometimes late at night, exchanged music, and spent time together one-on-one.

Their emotional intimacy sometimes felt like it blurred the boundaries between friendship and something more.

I never asked him to end their friendship.

I did, however, ask for transparency and some boundaries.

One of my specific requests was that he simply tell her he had a girlfriend.

I wanted her to know I existed and that he was in a committed relationship.

He agreed to do that.

I believed him.

What I found out THIS SUNDAY

This past Sunday, October 11, I discovered something that completely changed how I viewed our relationship.

Someone who had attended Burning Man told me that this female friend had slept in my boyfriend’s tent during the festival.

For three nights in a row.

The person who told me had personally seen her coming out of his tent and putting her shirt on.

But that wasn’t all.

After Burning Man, my boyfriend and I had arranged to meet in Reno for an after-Burning-Man gathering.

I drove quite a distance to meet him, excited to spend time together.

I remember arriving at his hotel room and noticing there weren’t any clean towels for me to shower with.

At the time, I was confused but didn’t think much of it.

This Sunday, I also learned that this same woman had been in his hotel room and had taken a shower there before I arrived.

Suddenly, that little detail about the towels came rushing back.

I had driven all that way to see my boyfriend, completely unaware that the woman whose friendship I’d already expressed concerns about had been in his hotel room showering before I got there.

I don’t know whether anything physical happened in that hotel room, and I’m not claiming that it did.

But discovering that she’d spent three nights in his tent, and then had also been in his hotel room showering before I arrived, made the entire situation feel incredibly deceptive.

He never told me about any of it.

Not the three nights in the tent.

Not her being in his hotel room.

Not her using his shower before I arrived.

I only discovered these things months later, from someone else.

And what makes it especially upsetting is that this was the exact friendship we’d already had conversations about.

His response when I confronted him

That night, I called him.

I decided to bluff and told him I’d already spoken to the woman and that she’d told me they kissed and cuddled.

I hadn’t actually spoken to her yet.

I recognize that wasn’t the healthiest way to approach the conversation, but I wanted to see whether he would admit to anything.

His immediate response was:

“Yeah, but we never had sex.”

To me, that sounded like an acknowledgment that they had kissed and cuddled, while denying intercourse.

I was devastated.

But when we spoke again the following day, his story changed.

He insisted that they hadn’t kissed at all.

So now I was left with two different versions of what happened.

I still don’t know exactly what physical intimacy occurred between them.

Then I actually messaged her on Instagram.

After our initial conversation, I reached out to the woman directly.

And she told me something that made everything even worse.

She said he had never told her that he had a girlfriend.

This was particularly painful because I’d specifically asked him to tell her about me months earlier.

It had been one of our agreements because their friendship was already making me uncomfortable.

He had promised me he would.

When I confronted him with what she’d said, he insisted that he had told her he was in a relationship, but hadn’t mentioned my name or provided much information.

So now I’m left with completely conflicting accounts.

She says she didn’t know he had a girlfriend.

He says he told her.

He initially appeared to acknowledge kissing and cuddling.

Then he denied that they’d kissed.

And throughout all of this, he had never voluntarily disclosed the three nights in his tent or her being in his hotel room.

His explanation for their relationship

He insists their friendship is important because they both lost their twins.

He says he would never pursue anything romantic or sexual with her because their connection is rooted in grief.

He has even told me that if we broke up, he would never get together with her.

I understand that grief can create profound emotional connections.

But I don’t understand why that would automatically make secretly sharing a tent for three nights appropriate in an exclusive relationship.

And I don’t understand why he wouldn’t have been transparent about their interactions, especially knowing that their friendship had already been a sensitive subject.

To me, the issue isn’t simply that he has a close female friend.

It’s the secrecy, the blurred boundaries, and the changing explanations.

The drinking, cocaine, and disappearing

Unfortunately, this wasn’t happening in an otherwise stable relationship.

Throughout our relationship, his drinking and cocaine use were recurring problems.

He drank heavily and frequently, sometimes almost every day, and used cocaine recreationally, sometimes multiple times a week.

There were nights when he would go out partying and disappear for hours.

He would promise to call and then wouldn’t.

Sometimes he would call me intoxicated at three in the morning, waking me up despite knowing I had work the following day.

One night, after promising to call me, he ended up using cocaine instead.

These incidents weren’t isolated.

They became a pattern.

I repeatedly communicated that I wanted a more stable relationship.

I wanted honesty, consistency, consideration, and a partner who followed through on promises.

At one point, he told me that I was making him become sober, as though wanting a relationship that didn’t revolve around partying and drugs was an unreasonable expectation.

I wasn’t asking him to become a completely different person overnight.

I was trying to explain that his behavior was affecting our relationship and that I wanted a healthier, more peaceful future.

The dishonesty and emotional exhaustion

There were other things that gradually undermined my trust.

Confusing stories about his marriage and separation.

Details about his past that sometimes seemed inconsistent.

Interactions with other women that made me uncomfortable.

Promises that weren’t followed through on.

Comments about my body that hurt my feelings.

And when I tried to explain why something upset me, he sometimes became defensive or suggested that I was taking things the wrong way.

I started feeling like every concern I raised became another conversation about whether my feelings were reasonable.

Eventually, I felt like I was constantly trying to explain how I wanted to be loved.

I wanted honesty.

I wanted consistency.

I wanted someone who followed through on what they said.

I wanted to feel considered.

And I wanted to feel like we were building a life together rather than constantly recovering from the previous weekend.

Why I stayed

Despite everything, I genuinely loved him.

There were wonderful moments in our relationship.

He could be incredibly affectionate, vulnerable, funny, and loving.

We had beautiful experiences together, laughed constantly, and shared adventures.

Sometimes I genuinely felt like I’d found my person.

I knew he’d experienced significant grief and complicated personal circumstances, and I wanted to be understanding.

I think I kept holding on to the possibility that things would become more stable.

I believed his promises.

I wanted the relationship to work.

But somewhere along the way, I started spending more time trying to get the relationship to feel secure than actually enjoying being in it.

I kept explaining why things hurt, accepting apologies, and hoping the same things wouldn’t happen again.

Looking back, I think I confused understanding someone’s struggles with having to tolerate behavior that was hurting me.

Where things stand now

After discovering what happened at Burning Man and in Reno, I ended the relationship.

I sent him a long goodbye message explaining how deeply everything had affected me.

I’ve since blocked him.

But I’m still devastated.

I keep thinking about how he could go through months of our relationship without ever telling me that another woman had spent three nights in his tent.

Especially a woman whose friendship we’d already discussed.

I keep remembering arriving at his hotel room in Reno, wondering why there weren’t any clean towels, and now realizing she had been there showering before I arrived.

I keep wondering whether they kissed, cuddled, or did anything more.

And I keep replaying his initial response:

“Yeah, but we never had sex.”

Then his subsequent denial that they’d kissed.

I don’t know what to believe.

I also don’t want to keep messaging the woman and asking her to confirm details. I don’t think it’s fair to involve her further, and I don’t want to spend my life investigating someone I no longer trust.

What hurts most is realizing that I spent so much of our relationship asking for honesty and transparency, only to discover something this significant from someone else.

And the worst part is that I still love him.

I know the relationship wasn’t healthy for me, but that doesn’t make the heartbreak disappear.

My questions:

Would you consider secretly sharing a tent with another woman for three nights a betrayal, even without proof that anything sexual happened?
How would you interpret his initial response of “Yeah, but we never had sex,” followed by his denial that they’d kissed?
How significant is it that she says he never told her about having a girlfriend, especially when he had specifically promised me he would?
Does the fact that she also showered in his hotel room before I arrived change how you would interpret the situation?
How do you move on when you feel like you’ll never know the complete truth?
Has anyone experienced something similar, where the secrecy and dishonesty ultimately hurt more than the possibility of physical cheating?

I genuinely want outside perspectives.

I’m not asking anyone to automatically take my side.

I’m just trying to understand how someone I loved and trusted could keep something like this from me for months.

TL;DR: My boyfriend of seven months had a close female friend whose relationship with him had already made me uncomfortable. This past Sunday, October 11, I found out through someone else that she had slept in his tent at Burning Man for three consecutive nights, months earlier. I also learned she’d showered in his Reno hotel room before I arrived to visit him. He never told me about either situation. When I confronted him and falsely claimed she’d told me they kissed and cuddled, he responded, “Yeah, but we never had sex,” but the following day denied that they’d kissed. I then actually messaged her on Instagram, and she said he had never told her he had a girlfriend, despite his promise to tell her about me. I’ve broken up with him and blocked him, but I’m devastated by the secrecy and conflicting explanations.

This summer in a small town that I visit every year for vacations a girl who works at a local café used a regular customer to signal interest in me. She had noticed me before and asked him to find out if I was from the area. I found her on Instagram and we started talking. Within a week things got very intense. She texted first every day, proposed the first date herself, was warm and attentive in a way I hadn’t experienced in a long time. We went on a date, it was an amazing day. Two days later she told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship. I never brought it up or signaled I wanted one.

What I found out over time: she had lost someone she had been casually seeing for about a month, nothing official, in an accident about 2 weeks before she approached me. She has a difficult background, abandoned by her parents, raised by her grandmother who passed away last year. We both opened up about our pasts pretty early on and connected over having similar difficult upbringings, both of us dealing with absent or toxic parents. She mentioned she doesn’t have many friends and keeps mostly to herself. In the moments where she was most vulnerable with me she ended up deleting those messages afterwards, which I took as shame or regret about having opened up.

After the date her interest started fading. She ran hot and cold a lot. We’d see each other at the café regularly but always kept up a stranger act since it’s a small town where everyone knows everyone. Before I left she dropped the act completely in front of her uncle and her boss, asked me what time I was leaving the next day, and looked genuinely disappointed when I said I didn’t know. I kept it neutral.

She also told me to keep a book she’d left at my place, saying she wanted me to “carry a part of her” with me. When I got back to my hometown I sent her a long heartfelt message referencing our shared difficult upbringings, telling her I understood her, that she mattered, no anger, no demands. She never replied. That was 3 months ago. I deleted her contact so I wouldn’t fall into the trap of messaging her.

Now I’m back and staying for a while, something I’d mentioned to her earlier in the summer. She still works there. Since returning she regularly seeks eye contact and holds it until I look away, smiles at me, and goes warm and cold depending on who's there. She has my contact and has never reached out.

I’ve done a lot of work on this, therapy, reading about attachment theory, and she ticks almost every box for fearful avoidant. I understand her behavior intellectually. What I can’t reconcile is the consistent in person signals against 3 months of complete silence.

I feel like silence itself is a form of rejection, but our in person interactions seem to point otherwise. My therapist suggested that if I want to pursue, to drop the stranger act in a quiet moment and just ask how she’s been, keep it simple and warm. If I want distance, to stay neutral and surface level.

I’m not trying to chase her. I just want clarity, either something real or a clean rejection so I can stop being confused. I know I’m emotionally invested. She initiated everything from the start, pursued me, escalated the intimacy, and then pulled back. She hurt me and never once acknowledged it.

What would you do?

TL;DR:

Girl pursued me intensely, we had an amazing date, then she revealed she had recently lost someone and said she wasn’t ready for a relationship. Things went cold, she ghosted me including a heartfelt closure message I sent when I left. 3 months of silence. Now I’m back in the same town and we see each other daily at the café where she works. She keeps seeking eye contact and has moments of warmth but we still maintain a stranger act in public. She’s never reached out despite having my contact. I just want clarity, either something real or a clean rejection. What would you do?

I (M18) have a best friend (F18) and she is amazing in so many ways and I've started having feelings for her but I feel like she won't like me back ever, I brought it up that I liked her and she brushed it off and I'm not sure if I should keep trying to get her or try to forget about those feelings I have for her. It's been half a year since I asked her and I still don't feel healed from the rejection. I'm completely lost on what to do so I'm now asking people here, so please help...

**TL;DR;** : I like my best friend and she doesn't like me back

What do I do?

I (20 F) have been best friends with “Alex” (22 F) for almost ten years now. In the past, she’s been my everything. Her family is my family. I was the maid of honor at her wedding. Any time her family cooks my favorite meal, I’m there. I’d do anything for her. I’ve comforted her through all of her hard times, even when she hasn’t been there for me.

Growing up, we were both raised in the mindset of “handling your problems on your own.” For me it worked for a long time. But as I got older, I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore. It wasn’t healthy for me or my friends, so I learned to be better. But Alex never learned to do that. She never grew out of it.

I’m of the firm belief that if we don’t consciously choose to better ourselves and distance ourselves from the toxic things that our parents instill in us, then we are just as responsible for our problems as they are.

Which leads me to the current situation. About four years ago, Alex met this guy online. Everyone warned her against it, but told me to keep my mouth shut. Their reasoning was that if something happened, she should at least have her best friend there for her, someone she could talk to. So I kept my mouth shut.

She was long distance with this guy for two years. I’m talking sixteen hour time difference. They were only together in person for a total month of that time before they got married. Which leads me to the core problem.

I was the maid of honor in their wedding. It was a courthouse because they wanted to get it done quickly. But our mutual friend and I insisted she still have a dress and a small party. Then, when she decided she wanted to have a “real” wedding, our mutual friend did the flowers for the entire thing.

Alex and her husband just moved back to our hometown after a year away. They had to separate the move over a couple of months, so when they were last there, I got a call from Alex telling me that she was pregnant. That’s when it hit me: everything.

For context, Alex has worked with me and our mutual friend for several years, off and on. When she was moving, she left without any notice for a month and expected her job to still be there. Expected us to cover everything for her. We are a small business. My mutual friend and I were working 7 days a week for a month while she was gone. When she returned, she never said thank you.

Now, she’s returned and she’s pregnant. She insists on sitting down for her entire shift even though our job requires standing. She doesn’t work at all. She gets mad when things are “up to her standards” even though she does nothing to contribute or help.

It got to the point that we almost had to force her out of the company because she told us she’d only be back for a month and that we should hire someone, but she didn’t look for a new job until a week ago. And then, she notified us on Friday of that week that her new job started that Monday, giving none of us notice. AND THEN she called out for her last day, faking an illness which meant I had to come in and our boss had to work an extra five hours.

I don’t recognize her. I’m so disappointed in her. This is NOT the person I used to be friends with. My friend was selfless and caring and kind. This woman that she is now hasn’t asked me about how I’ve been in YEARS. Not since she met this man. This man, who by the way, says INCREDIBLY cruel things about woman and queer people, and who can’t wash dishes or do anything on his own. This man who doesn’t have a job, and lets his pregnant wife work for both of them.

The worst part is, she’s completely oblivious to ALL of this. She has no concept of how she’s been treating people that she’s claimed to care about. She has no idea that she’s changed into someone unrecognizable. And it’s killing me to sit by and watch. She talks about things that we did when we were little kids as if they happened yesterday. She gets jealous and quiet when my friends that I made in her absence know things about me that she doesn’t.

She hasn’t said anything in conversation that wasn’t about her husband or the baby in MONTHS. She’s a husk of herself and she doesn’t even know it. And I’ve tried to bring it up but she doesn’t know how to communicate. She just closes in on herself and goes silent or has a debilitating panic attack or becomes defensive. She grew up in a happy and loving family. I don’t know how she’s ended up like this. I don’t know what could have gone wrong.

I’ve been growing resentment for her for months now and I hate it because I’m starting to hate her for it. But can I really resent someone for being oblivious? Every time it’s just the two of us my brain shuts off and I can only remember the good times. But when I’m alone again, I just feel sick. I don’t know what to do. Please, if you have had any similar experiences or advice, let me know.

TL;DR my best friend is pushing everyone away and is treating them like they’re nothing and I don’t recognize her anymore.

TL:DR not sure if we can move past cultural differences.

For background, we’ve been together for 9 months, and things have been mostly good, but we just got back from a trip to visit her family in her home country which was a bit full on. Her dad is out of the picture, her mum is a bit religious/conservative, and she’d explained this trip was high-stakes for her as her family’s approval is important. She had explained she was worried and clearly has baggage from her parents divorce and a past ex who refused to engage with her family (which ended that relationship). She was terrified I would do the same.
I was already super tired from work, I’ve had some long days on a stressful project, so I wasn’t in the best headspace for such a packed trip but I wanted to make the effort for her.

I thought it went well and her family got on well with me. It was all smiles and hugs at the airport and hoping to see each other again soon.
When we got back I wanted to talk about us after and she suddenly dropped that she was ready to call it quits over several misunderstandings:

She thought I looked disinterested with her family. I explained that I barely speak the language and was just waiting for translations, whereas I engaged fully when people spoke English.

She felt I didn’t try hard enough to learn or talk to them. I pointed out I can barely order water right now, but still tried when I could.

She thought I didn't start conversations. I reminded her that her intense focus on getting her mum's approval made me super nervous, plus the obvious language barrier.

After a long talk, she seemed to understand my side and we sorted most of it out, but we are still on rocky ground.
My issue is that she jumped straight to thinking the relationship was over rather than trying to see things from my perspective first. It’s made me feel insecure and uncertain. I love her, but I’m worried she’s carrying so much baggage that she'll keep looking for reasons we won't work out.
Has anyone been through a cross-cultural relationship hurdle like this? Do I keep investing, or are these red flags for the long term?

tl;dr
My girlfriend is having a hard time adjusting to a semi-long-distance relationship and I am not sure if our relationship will work.

I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half now and I’m stuck between keeping her or leaving her…

I met her at work and we connected very well. Before I met her, my dad had just passed away a few months ago and I was going through severe depression (I was caregiving for my dad for 4 years and he had lots of health issues) She lifted me up and encouraged me to take care of myself. I slowly started to heal and I felt so loved and motivated by her. She gave me a reason to keep moving forward.

About 6 months into our relationship, she got fired from work and she couldn’t afford to pay for her apartment. She moved to her dad’s house about an hour away from me.
I currently live at my home taking care of my 90-year-old grandparents so she isn’t able to move in with me. We would see each other every weekend due to our busy work schedule and we understood that it would be difficult being in a semi-long-distance relationship.

My girlfriend really encouraged me to back to school. She is currently going to school as well. I wanted to become a radiologist technologist and I had to put school on pause when I was taking care of my dad. So I decided to finish my last 2 prereq courses to apply for radiology school.

It started getting very difficult for her after 2 months into our semester. She wants to spend more time with me but it is very difficult sometimes because I would have to study for an exam. She wanted to come over today but I told her I have 2 exams to study for over the weekend. She was hurt and frustrated… I am extremely worried about our future because I haven’t even started radiology school yet and I feel that this separation will eventually be the end of us. I hate seeing her suffer and be heartbroken. I work overnight and she works during the day so we barely talk to each other 30 min a day. I really want to prove to myself I can finish school and get a career with a steady income. This is my last shot.

We got into an argument today and I told her I was worried about how she would be able to handle less time together when I start my program. I told her I don’t want to see her suffer. She got upset and said it seems like I don’t want to be with her. Things escalated and she said “What do you want me to do?! This is how I feel.” And hung up the phone.

I really love her but I don’t see us getting far if we are not on the same page. Anyone else dealing with a long-distance relationship?

30F, 30M, 3 months of dating total. Met via a friend's event over the summer. Clicked right away. He pursued me heavily. We live in different states. Hung out every day for a week. His family said he looked happier and was in the dumps before he met me. I came back to visit 1 month later. Met his friends and family. 1 month later he flew to visit and met my friends. I had a phenomenal time, a deep rare connection. We chatted for hours daily. We were exclusive.

I asked him to have 'the talk". He told me he is emotionally unavailable, thinks about his ex, would go back to her if she came back. I was shocked and confused. He had a 2 month relationship end 2 months prior to meeting me and I knew he had struggled to get over it due to a pregnancy loss and unexpected ending but to me his actions did not seem like it was preventing us from moving forward.

We had a closure talk a few weeks after. He had starting dating others casually to not feel lonely. He is still crying about his ex. Told me I should date others. Told me I had a positive influence in his life and he has improved himself from meeting me. Told me I was beautiful and very sweet and that is why it was hard for him to end this earlier. Told me he did like me alot and wants to find someone like me when he is ready. Made no attempts to potentially reconcile when he has healed even when I suggested that I would be visiting his city in the future. I have been shattered since because in the past, such a strong connection has always led to a relationship- I have never been wrong about it. I have developed trust issues because I do not know if I can trust my interpretation of situations anymore. I think he gained so much from me and I have just lost time and trust in men.

My question is for men. Did he have real feelings for me? Did he feel as strongly for me as I did for him? Have you done this to someone before? What causes someone to do so much for someone (time and money investment) if they do not see a future with them? Is he making a stupid decision and will regret it later? Why does it seem so easy for him to move on and date others? Why has this hit me harder? Do men take longer to process things? Is this something he will regret in the future? Why not just ask me to wait till I am healed if I am ao great?

Tldr; thought a connection was leading somewhere. Blindsided by the result. Looking for introspection.

Im a 35 year old guy and i work maintenance for the school. I met a teacher in February who is 38. i asked her to get coffe but she told me she doesn't date, But she stil wanted to hangout.

Around this time i got moved to a different school and we didnt talk anymore. In August she messaged me for my birthday and we began to talk alot. I asked her to go for coffee as friends and she agreed, it was fun. She wanted to know everything about me and when i dropped her off at home she told me she wanted to hangout again

She would always send me hearts, she told me her coworker was on vacation and selfishly hoped it was me covering the shift. I told her im not coming back and she sent me a crying emoji

I wanted to take her out for her birthday a few weeks ago, she said she would love to hangout. She canceled last minute and told me she feels bad canceling but her life is busy and needed to be honest. She says with work and her kids its hard to make plans

If i ask her about her kids, she sends me a detailed long message about their day

Last Wednesday she messaged me for the first time in a week, her son was playing basketball at a high school and she asked if i was there because she saw a car that looked like mine...i wasnt there sadly

I messaged her on sunday asking how her weekend is, but she Never opened it. Usually she opens the message the next day but now its been 4 days. Shes always online

Did I do something to push her away??? Im ok being friends with her

TL;DR

TL;DR
I’m kinda just venting because I already know what I have to do, I just don’t want to yet. My boyfriend 20 and I 18 have been dating for about two years. We were long distance until now, only three hours away so we would still see each other often. I recently moved in with him and I feel like he’s changed. I’ve been here for three months, and they been kinda horrible. I have to beg him to take me out, and it’s not about money because I’ve suggested many free and or budget friendly options. We’ve been getting into more fights especially now that I have a job and talk to other people. But last night was so bad, my coworker facetimed me after her shift and she was with a guy who works there. He waved to me, and I waved back. My boyfriend saw this and started freaking out. We don’t like each other having friends of the opposite gender which I’m completely fine with. I only talked to guys at work about work related stuff. I really don’t understand what warranted him to act like this. He started yelling at me and asked why I waved to him, and I told him that is was because he waved to me. This made him even more mad, I was getting upset because I didn’t understand and he left. He came back 30 mins later and was still very angry, when I tried to reason with him he didn’t care. So honestly I decided to ignore him I was crying and I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. He started punching the walls and was throwing stuff. Because of past experiences I decided I didn’t want to be there anymore and wanted space. He wouldn’t let me leave and just started apologizing profusely. This has happened many times where he gets angry at something so little and then gets sad and begs me to stay with him. I know I am being manipulated, but I love him. I just can’t look at him the same now after that. What do you guys think?

I (24F) have been talking to this guy (28M) for a while now. We're not officially dating, but honestly, we act like we're in a relationship.

We talk like a couple, say "I love you" to each other, and he does these little things that make me feel cared for.

He's affectionate, attentive, and somewhere along the way, I've become really attached to him.

The thing is, he has struggled with depression, anxiety, and other emotional issues.

He's told me before that he can't fall in love and that it's almost like a curse for him. I've always tried to understand where he's coming from.

But something he said recently really bothered me.

We were talking about something, and he casually mentioned, "If we're still in touch in the future, I'll show you."

I know it might sound insignificant, but the way he said "if we're still in touch" made me feel like he's already expecting us to eventually stop talking.

So I asked him what I was supposed to do when all of this ends.

He told me I'd be fine, very fine actually, and that I'd have a good, beautiful life.

I don't know how to explain it, but that really hurt.

Does he genuinely think cutting contact and moving on from someone you've become emotionally attached to is that easy? Does he not realise how attached I've become? Is he not attached himself?

Another thing that confuses me is that when he told me he couldn't fall in love, I asked if that meant he would never get married.

He said he would eventually marry because he's afraid of being alone too.

And now I'm wondering where exactly I fit into all of this.

I don't expect him to promise me marriage or anything right now. But I also don't want to keep getting attached to someone who might already know he doesn't want anything serious with me.

I genuinely care about him, and I know he has his own struggles. I don't think he's necessarily trying to hurt me.

But sometimes I feel like I'm experiencing all the emotional intimacy of a relationship without knowing whether it means the same thing to both of us.

I'm starting to wonder if continuing this is a bad decision on my part.

Should I have a direct conversation with him about what he actually wants from me? Or should I just distance myself before I get even more attached?

I don't want to lose him, but I also don't want to end up hurting myself by staying in something that has no future.

**TL;DR:** I'm emotionally attached to a guy who treats me like his girlfriend and says he loves me, but he also says he can't fall in love and casually talks about a future where we might not be in contact. I'm confused about whether I should continue this connection or walk away before getting more attached.

Hi everyone. I’m 27 f and my husband is 28 m, we’ve been together for 5 years and married for 4.

I hope this is a safe place to share. This is something new to both of us and I think we aren’t sure how to navigate the emotions of it all.

My husband and I recently got pregnant for the first time and then a few days later found out that I was miscarrying after a traumatic night in the ER.

Anyways, we had our first big fight since our miscarriage over a piece of carpet. Our cat had an accident in the corner of our bedroom and it was causing me to feel sick and have migraines. We tried using enzyme cleaner and nothing seemed to work so we pulled up that corner and removed the padding as well as treated the subfloor underneath. STILL SMELLS. So we decided that we’ll replace just that square of carpet as it won’t be as expensive as replacing the entire room.

I had work on a Sunday and was texting with my husband that morning back and forth expressing to him that the smell is getting worse and asking if he could please start on the carpet before I get off. I’m taking full accountability in saying that I lost it on him when I got home. Even though he had been awake that entire morning and texting with me, he had just gotten out of bed a few minutes before me walking through the door…

He started to work on dishes and this is when things got heated as he also had plans to hangout with friends. He had said that he planned on working on the carpet “real quick” before leaving for his plans. So I said “why are you doing the dishes if the carpet needs to be fixed” he instantly gets aggravated (valid) this wasn’t a pleasant ordeal.

There are a few heated exchanges between the two of us and I start angrily packing a backpack because I was going to go stay with my mom to get away from the smell. I place the back pack on our couch and sit down (I can’t remember why) he comes out and sees that I’m planning on leaving and we have a few more heated exchanges. He then shoves the backpack and sends it flying into the wall knocking some of my things out, to which some more heated exchanges follow. He asks for his debit card out of my purse and I throw it across the room as I’m pretty heated from him shoving the bag. Emotions then start getting really high and he says he feels suffocated that he never gets to relax. I’m not going to lie this didn’t make me reel it back. I went harder. He does a lot of what he wants to do. He spends hours on his games. All I ask is for help before rotting. I do tell him that his life isn’t miserable and he gets a lot of time to himself that all I want is help and that I just feel so overwhelmed with all of the hormones, emotions, and grief and start sobbing and I can’t stop. I just can’t. I cry hard. Everything comes out. I cry about how unfair it is that this happened to us, that I’m in pain, that I hate myself for what happened. I cry about how badly I wanted that baby and how much I loved it. It’s so unrelated to what we are arguing about but I couldn’t stop. I really couldn’t. Im aware there are moments where I was invalidating him but I just lost it. All of the frustration just exploded.

I end up shouting that I hated him (which I didn’t mean)

We then both get quiet and realize everything we’ve just said and felt. We take a breather and when we come back together we apologize. Both of us. I explain how of course I don’t hate him and it was all of the emotion in the moment and he apologizes for losing his temper.

I’m just confused. Is it normal to experience rage and frustration after a miscarriage? We love each other so much and don’t normally fight like this with each other but we both lashed out.

I just want to note that we are more than okay now and have not fought since. He is my best friend and I wouldn’t have been able to make it through this without him.

TL;DR I told my husband I hated him in a heated argument over a piece of carpet after our miscarriage. Has anyone else experienced rage a frustration after a miscarriage?

I (26M) have been with a 25F for almost 2 years. We moved in together about a year ago. She’s genuinely kind hearted, we have a similar sense of humor, cares about loyalty, is beautiful, hard working, and smart. But, she doesn’t really have a lot of similar interests to me, isn’t very interested in getting to know my friends or their girlfriends, gets very self involved sometimes, is kind of rude when she’s drunk, we have not the best sexual compatibility, and it just feels like we’re not on the same wavelength in outlook on life/deeper conversations.

Earlier on we had more problems with my communication being bad and her becoming angry/overtly emotional. We’ve both improved upon these things. I’m really proud of how much she’s worked on herself. Other than when she’s drunk, she’s really gotten much better about her temper. I just don’t think I can do it anymore.

I’m starting to feel that I don’t want to settle down and want to just explore the world and my career in multiple ways. But she’s started to show that she wants to be together for the long haul. I also am starting to feel sexually unsatisfied. I loathe when she comes home drunk because there will probably be some sort of arguing if we talk for too long. Also, I just feel like she isn’t aware of my emotional state when it comes to our relationship often and when I express grievances, I’m always met with arguing. She may come back and apologize or say she agrees with a sliver of what I said. But I’m just tired and the relationship is starting to feel like it’s taking more than it’s giving.

What do I tell her? I feel like a lot of that is too harsh. I don’t want to attack her personally. She’s very sensitive and will get very angry and be very hard on herself if I am too blunt.

TL;DR: me (26) and my girlfriend (25) have been together for around 2 years. I’m getting exhausted with having to deal with her temper, sensitivity, hostility while drunk, our incompatible sex life, and unsure if we’re even a good match. We live together and I know she sees us going the long haul. How do I end it without crushing her?

My husband (24M) self harmed for the first time. The day became tense, and he was easily annoyed by things that normally don’t bother him. We had the day planned out, what we wanted to do was be out in nature and/or go on a bike ride.

He stopped to get groceries and we went home. I went upstairs to decompress. All of a sudden he came into the room, exclaiming that he really needed my help. At first, I thought he was just crying because he was emotional. It turns out, he was crying because he had hurt himself deeply. He had to get 7 stitches. We spent the day in the hospital. I was afraid of him being taken to a mental institution, what I want for him is to be able to choose his mental health care. It was a long night…when we got back home, I found blood on the floor. I never want to see the inside of my husband, but here we are.

I don’t know how to feel, or where to begin. I don’t hold trauma from this, but I don’t think this is a light event. If anyone has advice or has been here before, I would like to hear it.

TL;DR: my husband hurt himself badly and had to get stitches. This is the first time he has self harmed since we have been in a relationship. What should I do for him?

I'm literally making this account just for this post, I don't know anymore what to do or where to ask

Here's the story

I've known my friend since we both where like 15, in highschool, and I have been in love with her since I can remember, but I suppressed it, on that time I were against love and relationships bc of experiences with my family (I know, stupid), I didn't want a girlfriend, so I tried to suppress my love for her. She have never loved me, so I don't even think she noticed me doing that (only thing she told me, is that she thought I hated her haha), when we graduated she had a boyfriend, from our friend group, they were great together, I was genuinely happy for them.

But then time passed, we were normal, like friends, not too close not too distanced, until she broke up with her boyfriend, like one year and a half ago. Obviously she was heartbroken, so me and another friend helped and comforted her (specially me). Because of that we grew closer and closer, and so did my love for her, I thought I had gotten over it, but I DID NOT. My love for her is bigger than it ever was, sometimes I think I'm obsessed with her, she's the first thing I think when I wake up and the last when I go to sleep. I just love her with everything I have.

I don't have that stupid thought I had of relationships being a bad thing, but the thing is, I know her, we both know each other sooo well, we know every bad thing of the other one, I'm not saying she's a bad person or something like that, not even close, but if I'm realist, I don't think we could work together, I don't, we're just incompatible, and that makes me miserable, I know that we are so different for a relationship to work, but that doesn't erase the love I have for her. And even if it could work, there's this little thing, she doesn't love me, romantically, not even a bit (she has never told me directly, but I know it, work the way she acts for the way she talk with me, she's not attracted to me, I know how she act when she is, I've seen it, she had a boyfriend before)

Now in the present, we're closer than ever, it's both the best and the worst thing that had happened to me, we are like, the most important person in each other lives, we talk about everything, everything, we've been shared every secret with the other one (except this one by my side), we're your typical best friends, we talk every day and are always there for the other one. And that's killing me, I'm so happy, but at the same time so miserable, every good and cute memory we haver together makes me want to cry and scream to the heavens, I can never be totally happy with her bc there's always this hole inside of me of wanting her to love me back (even though I know we're not going to work), and that's not me, I have never been like that, i've had crushes before, and I always let them go, my philosophy is "if I'm not going to live all my live with her, i don't want to start a relationship" and that's always worked for me, except now, I still think like that but it makes me SO FUCKING MISERABLE, I have never loved someone as much as I love her

I don't even know what to do, I don't want to tell her, I don't wanna lose her, she's my everything, I can't imagine my life without her, but at the same time and tired of this endless suffering, I just want to lose this feelings, and be just friends like normal, I don't want her to be with me, I want her to find someone she genuinely loves, I don't want to distance from her and make her to lose her best friend too, that would make her miserable, I don't want to make her suffer

I just don't know what to fucking do anymore

TL;DR

I'm in love with my best friend, but she doesn't love me back, I don't want tell her bc it could ruin the friendship, and I don't want to lose her, she's my best friend ever.

I don't know what to do, I can't keep living like this

We’ve been married 10 years. She’s from Ukraine. We met online and I visited several times before the war. She came over to live and we got married. Life was good the first few years as she adjusted. Learned to drive. Explored the state we live in. Traveled in the country.

But life has been rough for at least the past five years for her. She hasn’t been able to make friends with any Americans. They all seem not interested. We were unable to have children and that makes her more of an outsider in our area. She works at a low level job in a hospital cleaning instruments. It’s hard work and most of the people she works with have no interest in even greeting her when she arrives or saying bye when she leaves. We’ve done volunteering and hiking groups and, while it’s been fun and rewarding, no friendships have come from it. She’s become extremely lonely and depressed.

I want to stop her pain so much. I’m willing to move but she thinks it will be the same anywhere in the US. She can’t go back to Ukraine. Her mom died so she has no family. She had to give up her Ukrainian citizenship for her US. Plus it’s not the best time to move to Ukraine and all the people she knew have left for other countries.

I’m at a loss. She’s so alone and hurting. We’re not rich by any means but I’d pay someone $100k just to be her friend. She’s a sweet girl. Doesn’t drink and enjoys simple things like cats, waterfalls, and crafts. That just doesn’t click with women around here her age. What should I do?

TLDR: My foreign wife is not fitting in to the US and it’s so sad to watch.

Me (M18) and my girlfriend (M18) have been together for 2 years. She is blonde, not like stupid blonde but blonde, and my whole life i've been wanting a dark haired girlfriend and sometimes now it happens that i wish or i think about a possible relathionship with someone more alike to what i always tought about as a model for a girlfriend. Basically what i'm asking is if it is normal to think about sonetingh different, maybe more like what we used to dream about when we were younger? I mean, it's also to consider the fact that she's a little bit goofy and shy and i see everywhere other girls, mainly dark haired ones, that are so confident and fun to interact with while i don't share so many things in common with my girlfriend cause she doesn't really have that much personality. Is this all normal? Should i pay more attention to these toughts? Should i talk about it with her? I really don't want to ruin everything because she's really sweet and she treats me well but sometimes all i think about is someone more active, someone whom i can share more things with, someone more like a person and less like a dog 😅😅

TL;DR: i don't always feel good in my relationship because i like dark haired girls and i'm with a blonde

tldr after an amazing almost 3 year long relationship my bf decided to tell me while being drunk he sometimes feels like he met me too early but cannot imagine his life without me and said he never wants to end up with anyone else but me

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years and i couldn’t imagine a future that doesn’t include him. he’s my best friend and we have a healthy relationship built on communication and respect. it’s the type of love that is rare to find in this generation which is why im thankful we met early so we have more time to love and experience life together.

tonight kind of ripped me apart and now im trying to not freak out.

he went to his cousin’s wedding party this evening and called me after he got home saying he was drunk and wanted me to come over. i had school the next morning but i said i can for a bit and drove over to his house where i expected nothing out of the ordinary. he called me on the way there to talk and told me that some girls were hitting on him at the wedding and i said “okay” because i wasn’t sure if he was trying to get a reaction from me. he told me one was asking him a bunch of questions about himself and he said he had a gf and walked away. men hit on me all the time and i react the same so i didn’t see anything wrong with his reaction. i found it strange he was telling me this while driving to his house but i let it go.

i reached his house and we were cuddling on his bed and he looked worried so i asked him if he’s okay and told him i wasn’t mad at him about what he told me. he told me that he needs to tell me something but wants to do it when he’s not drunk but i convinced him to tell me because i’ll just be overthinking then he told me after saying he “loves me so much, wants nothing more but to spend the rest of his life with me and wants me to be the only woman he ends up with” that there’s a small part of him that is unsure about settling down. he said he sometimes feels like he meet me too early and i’m assuming it’s to do with not having enough experiences with other women before getting into a relationship with me. even though he has had a bunch of flings/talking stages in the past but i was the first girl he actually pursued with intentions of being in a relationship. he also told me he has been feeling like this for months which was another slap in the face and it’s so confusing because he told me i’m his dream girl, i meet all of his needs and he would “never date another girl seriously” if me and him didn’t work out. part of me wants to think he’s just saying this bc he is lying to himself, but he has treated me like a queen for our whole relationship which makes this more shocking since his actions have never made me overthink. im not sure what to think and in about 4 days we are going to a bruno mars concert which we got tickets for in january and he invited me to his cousin’s reception party the same weekend. he was crying and holding me while telling me this but i couldn’t even look at him. he told me he would rather be transparent with his thoughts than risk losing me. i told him i needed to go home and i had to lock in and finish and assignment before i could even process what the fuck just happened. how do i go about this situation?

We've been together over 2.5 years. I feel very bothered when he verbalizes these feelings. He's not the happiest with where he's gotten to with life this far, or his job. Sometimes he's made comments about how x thing is just a way to take money from losers like him. Or that x thing, like better insurance, was better geared towards those with families and not losers like him or something.

It makes me sad to hear him talk bad about himself. But it also feels like a lot to unpack.....like what exactly is so bad? He doesn't actually want to have the whole house and kids and yada yada. Comparing himself to others and what's often expected by x age is what I think robs him of his chance to be content for long. And its hard to offer comfort when faced with that. How can I help him be kinder to himself?

And also... I dont view myself as a loser....I wouldn't date one either. I'm going for my doctorate soon. I have passion for my work. Im conventionally attractive. I feel like I've worked so hard and tried to become better each year so I wouldn't have a loser by my side. So it bothers me to hear him talk bad about himself because by extension it calls into question my own judgment and my selection of him as my partner.

TL:DR Complex feelings towards bf saying hes a loser. Idk how to help him or make him be kinder to himself.

i (26m) and my gf (26f) are going through a rough patch right now and idk how to proceed. she has an extensive history of neglect and emotional trauma from parents and exes but has never worked on her mental health. we started dating a few months ago and since the first week her insecurities have shown. it’s constant accusing and doubting my words to her even when i reassure her without her asking me for it, or unfollowing certain people and showing her my messages to prove im not doing anything malicious. i have communicated that it hurts me and i don’t like being treated like that but it still persist and 2 nights ago was really the final straw for me. it ended with her crying herself to sleep with a panic attack over me being on my phone for 30 sec while we were facetiming. she’s a wonderful partner and we are compatible in many ways but im not sure. i tried breaking up last night but she was crying and begging me to stay and i just felt so guilty and bad i caved and said 1 more chance but idk to be honest. i said shehas to go to therapy or im out and 1 more time of accusing me and being jealous in the toxic way that im done but i said i was done last night before i gave her another chance. no matter how much attention and love i give it seems like its not enough. we are long distance (8 hours)

TLDR; girlfriend is very insecure, borderline obsessive and jealous in a toxic way but we are very compatible and and says she’s willing to work on it but i already feel checked out and tried leaving already but stayed out of maybe wanting to fix it but mostly out of guilt of hurting her. need advice

I am (20f) and my boyfriend is (21m), we have been together for almost a year now and have also been together throughout all of my college years, and one of his.

A few months ago we had a really deep talk on how he sometimes demands a lot, which can cause me to feel mentally exhausted, for example he always wants to know what i am doing, i take longer than an hour to respond he gets really hurt and ends up complaining about how i am not doing enough or that he feels neglected, he has also brought up the fact that he wants to see more often, but the thing is we see each other almost everyday single day, and he often visits me while i am at work meaning that i go little to no days without seeing him. Whenever we go more than a day without seeing each other he complains about how much he misses me and that i don’t make enough time for him. Which i understand to a point but i am taking really hard classes, have work, and also in multiple organizations at my school which makes me busy and stressed 24/7. I have mentioned to him that i cannot answer him every hour of the day and i mentally don’t have the capacity to be talking to someone all day either. I love him so much but it’s becoming to a point where i feel so mentally exhausted and starting to check out of the relationship.

I have also brought up the fact he should maybe join some kind of school organization, sport team or even get a job so he can meet others that have similar interests etc, but he is in his third year and still has not met or even put in the effort to make friends. If he wants to go out or do something i am the first person he reaches out for, which i love at times but sometimes i want him to have his own time with other people without me always being there. In a way i feel like him constantly wanting to see me and spend time together has also limited my college experience, i have noticed myself skipping class or not being able to see friends because he wants to see me everyday and i dont want to hurt his feelings. I have even tried to make him befriend some of my other friends but he politely declined.

I don’t know what to do, because i do love him and he has been the best boyfriend so far but it just feels like i can never meet his demands.

TDLR: My boyfriend constantly demands attention that i simply cannot give due to stress and school

The situation:

I am a 38M with a good job, but I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world and I do not have a lot of disposable income, nor am I able to save to a great extent. I work, on average, 52 hours per week, but some weeks are higher and others are a lot less. I rent a 2-bedroom apartment with a female housemate. My housemate is a high-powered career woman in a very competitive field, where long hours are the norm and sleepless nights are a regular occurrence. She has asked me not to have people over at night, as she needs her rest when she can get it, and I respect that. It just means that hookups typically have to happen elsewhere

I am very tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, and I actively compete in multiple sports. I am an experienced and generous lover. Writing it makes me feel like a dickhead, but I am generally described as charismatic and handsome, and I get a fair bit of sexual and romantic interest.

I've had years of non-serious relationships at this point, and I was not looking for a long-term relationship before I met GF, but she made me want to change all that. 6 months ago she joined one of my sports clubs and I asked for her number. She came with me and my teammates to dinner after practices, and I started giving her rides between practice, dinner and her place.

Early on, she said to me "You're flirting with me," which was true. She said "I'm not looking for a boyfriend right now."

I told her, "Would you like me to stop flirting with you, then?" to which she didn't answer.

We texted back and forth and saw each other at practice for a while before she asked if I would come with her to a book fair. We had a few casual one-on-one meetups where we were getting to know one another. Nothing physical, beyond my holding her hand. I told her about my dating history. She told me about hers. She wanted to know about the self-harm scars that she saw on my arm.

On one of our meetups, she told me, "I have a friend-with-benefits." I told her that I didn't judge her for it. But when planning our next meetup, a Friday afternoon at an arts-and-crafts workshop, she told me that she would have leave early because she was meeting someone else that night. I slept on it, and then texted her back,

"Is it your friend-with-benefits?"

She said yes.

I told her, "I'm sorry. I'm not comfortable going out with someone and then handing her off to another man in the evening."

She said she would change her plans that night to have dinner with me instead.

For me, it was a really nice date. I look back on it romantically. She doesn't. We went to the workshop together (not my thing but it was fun to try something new) and I took her to dinner. At dinner, I asked her whether she wanted to have an open relationship, or whether she wanted to have only one man in her life. At that time, I still considered myself uncommitted, and I was in several casual relationships. She said that she would like a real relationship with me. I asked, "Boyfriend and girlfriend?" and she agreed, saying that she would start distancing herself from her FWB.

I confessed to GF that I have quite a high sex drive. GF is a virgin, and so I communicated my expectation that I am not looking to wait for marriage for sex. I would do my best to be patient with her, but I explained that one serious relationship in my past had nearly ended over it.

As I was driving her home, it started to hail. I had to park my car under some thick trees for shelter while we waited it out. We reached for one another and took turns touching one another, going down on one another, but strangely, she was so hesitant to kiss me. Eventually she did, but only after overcoming a lot of hesitation. For me, it was very romantic, but again, she didn't feel the same way.

That same night, I texted the other women in my life and amicably (for the most part) agreed that it was time to move on. I haven't texted or heard from any of them since.

...

Two months later, GF and I were on an interstate road trip. I was travelling for sport, she wanted to come with me, and I really was excited to have her come along. I did all the driving while she sat next to me, took care of what audiobook or podcast to listen to, and did some arts-and-crafts. When I was busy with my sports commitments in the daytime, she would attend free tours or workshops, and then I would take her out for dinner. Every night, I gave her oral sex. I am quite an experienced lover, and to be honest, I love giving oral, and I like to take my time doing it. She reciprocated on the first night, but not on any of the subsequent evenings, saying she was too tired.

It was during this trip that I realised that I had fallen in love with her. I realised that she has a unique way of calming my fire, soothing my heart and mind. Coming back to her at the end of each day felt like coming home.

The last night of our road trip, I booked a very romantic, rustic night at a nice place in the country. We went to dinner at a country pub, and had some drinks and chatted with the patrons afterwards. While we were drinking and chatting, she mentioned to me that FWB had been texting her. I have no idea why she brought it up. It seemed out of the blue.

I said, "I thought you two were over."

"We haven't seen each other," was her reply.

I took her back to our luxuriously-appointed room. She asked if I would massage her back. I happily obliged. She fell asleep before it could go anywhere else.

I went to sleep thinking about her and her FWB.

In the morning, I got up and went for a long walk alone along the river, across the floodplain, and through the fields. I texted her so that she knew I was okay.

In the car, I told her about how I felt. I didn't tell her that I had fallen in love with her. Instead, I told her that I was left disappointed by the night before. Emotionally, by the revelation that she was still regularly texting her FWB, and physically by her lack of reciprocation. I explained that I had done a lot of driving and a lot of sports, and I could have used some physical attention too. She hadn't gone down on me since the first night of our trip. Given that I had paid for every date in our relationship to that point, including an expensive birthday gift, I told her that I felt as though I was being taken-advantage-of.

"How do you feel about me?" I asked.

"I don't know," she responded.

"Compared to FWB."

"About the same," she said.

I stopped talking. I pulled over. Told her I needed a moment. Walked fifty meters away to where she couldn't see, and I cried.

...

Another month on, and GF and I were on another road trip. This time to visit my elderly, demented mother. She had previously cried when I told her about my mother, and we had been planning on vising her together.

We stayed the night in a nearby small town, and we had dinner at a beautiful restaurant built in an old trainyard. Live music, space heaters and blankets. Cosy. Romantic. We walked back to our motel where we had wonderful mutual oral sex, and drifted off to sleep in one another's arms.

One quirk I have is genuine sexsomnia. That means I perform sex acts in my sleep. It only happens when I'm sharing my bed. Ex-girfriends have all commented on it, and all enjoyed it. I'm also somnambulant very very rarely. I had warned GF a long time ago about it, and told her that if I ever try to do something to her in my sleep, she should hit me HARD to wake me up.

In the early hours of the morning. I woke up on top of GF. She was pushing me away. I rolled off of her, and cuddled her. I apologised profusely.

She said, "Actually, it was kind of nice," and then she asked me to try again. While conscious this time.

That morning, we started working together to help her lose her virginity. But I'm a big guy, and she's a small, inexperienced girl. Things didn't go smoothly. We had to stop. But we agreed that we would try again in the future. I was over the moon.

...

The next few months involved good oral sex, many more (unsuccessful) attempts at taking her virginity, and lots of fun dates. We gradually introduced one another to our friends, and we got along well. On one memorable evening, after I dropped her home after practice, she hugged me and said, "You're the best boyfriend."

She had one close friend in particular that was surprised to find out she now had a boyfriend. He greeted me awkwardly, said hello, but didn't seem to have much to do with me at all. That's okay, not everyone likes talking, and not everyone is comfortable when meeting new people. I wanted to impress him, as I knew he and GF were particularly close; every Sunday evening she had been setting aside a few hours to text him.

A couple of weeks later, he met with GF for dinner and handed him a typed letter, in which he confessed his love for her. GF told me that night. She said she didn't know what to tell him.

"Wow. Giving you that letter when he knows you have a boyfriend is a bit of a dick move. Just tell him that you value him as a friend, but it's not going to happen, so he needs to move on. Tell him you are happy with your current boyfriend," I suggested.

"Am I happy with my current boyfriend?" she asked me.

I was stunned. Was she joking? Things had been going so well.

"I've never felt a spark or butterflies with you. I mostly like being around you, but I don't get that warm and fuzzy feeling. I don't like your temper," she clarified. "Like that time you yelled at another driver."

"And so you'll refuse to tell him that you're happy with me?" I asked.

"Well, I won't tell him if it isn't true," was her reply.

"I can work on my temper. I'll do my best not to shout at other drivers."

And so the weeks and months went on. She kept in touch with her friend. She did tell him "Let's just be friends," but in the back of my mind, I worried that she might still be leading him along. I also had a growing feeling that I was just a boyfriend of convenience; a wallet and a taxi.

In terms of our sex lives, things were pretty steady. On one date night, she told me, "I don't want you to try to put it in tonight." I didn't question why she said that. I thought she might just be tired. We had a fun night regardless, and I didn't think anything of it. I didn't know yet that we'd actually never try again.

The next week, we had a romantic date night, and I booked a hotel. I went down on her, and gave her a series of rolling orgasms, one transitioning into the next for about fifteen minutes. I'd never seen anything like it. It was so exciting. But when it was her turn to reciprocate, she fell asleep. Frustrated, I left her asleep on the bed, got dressed and sat on the couch while playing on my phone. GF lives at home and her mum has a strict curfew, so when it was time to leave, I woke her up, we checked out and I drove her home. I was feeling bitter, agitated and taken-advantage-of.

"I'll make it up to you," she said.

I'd heard that one so many times by now.

"When?" I replied bitterly.

The next day I took her to practice. Afterwards, when I drove her home, she motioned as if to give me a blowjob in the car. I said "No." I was still bitter from the night before, and the last time she had tried to give me a blowjob after practice, she had given up, complaining that my dick "smelled like a public toilet." There are no showers at practice.

...

The following week, the mounting tension came to a head. GF had bought tickets with her in-love-with-her friend, to see a musical in the evening. Musicals aren't my thing, and seeing an opportunity for a bit of fun, I asked, "How about when the show is over, I pick you up from the theatre and we stay somewhere together"

"But then I won't have enough time with my friend!" she complained.

When the day came, I felt like shit. Call me possessive, but I was totally uncomfortable with a man who had just recently professed love for my GF sharing a romantic evening date with her. But I felt I couldn't say anything. GF had already been calling me "controlling" because I had issues with his love letter, and issues with her still-regularly-messaging FWB. So I grit my teeth.

Since she was going downtown, I found an excuse to go downtown that evening as well. I met with a former colleague, and we had a drink together. I took a photo of our drinks with a beautiful city view in the background, and I sent it to GF. "Wish you were here," I texted. She didn't reply until after midnight.

She skipped practice the next day. I was worried.

I saw her the day after that. She asked if I had deliberately tried to make her jealous with the photo I had sent her. I admitted, "That was part of it, yes. I wanted to see whether you cared. I also hoped I might be able to meet up with you and your friend after the musical, since we were all downtown together."

"So you did it on purpose. To make me jealous, to hurt me," she said. She started crying uncontrollably. "Was it worth it?" she asked again and again. I acknowledged what she was feeling, said that jealousy is a normal emotion to have, and doesn't necessarily mean being hurt. I said I was sorry that I had hurt her. Eventually she settled and I took her home.

Late that night, I received a text. "I'm still pissed, just so you know."

And I let loose.

I decided to let all my pent-up feelings out in a series of lengthy (by man standards) messages. I wrote about how I felt about the man she had gone to the musical with, I wrote about how I felt about her staying in touch with her FWB. I complained how he texted her things like "I didn't mean to get in your way" while continuing to stay in touch. I asked how she would feel if I treated her the same way. I told her that the jealousy she felt about the drink photograph was just a fraction of the feelings I had been bottling up for months. I called her selfish, inconsiderate and unapologetic. But I bookended the messages with statements of affirmation and love. I wanted to make it clear that I was getting something off my chest.

The next morning, I woke up to a single message. "You're right. I'm done." I didn't even realise I had been blocked. I'd never been blocked before.

That morning I had a sports meet that I had organised. While I drove, I started to cry. I couldn't see the road. I had to pull over. I didn't make it to the event. I bought flowers, a snack, wrote her a letter of apology, and dropped them off at GF's work. She was not happy to see me. I left.

The next day, I skipped practice to visit her at work again. She had guessed that I'd come again. I handed her another rose, a handwritten letter and a snack. She tried to give back all of the gifts I had bought for her since we started dating. I told her to keep them. She stood in front of me while texting her FWB to come and pick her up after work. My heart was breaking.

But we talked. After her shift, we sat and talked. We agreed that I would work on my problems. I drove her home. She asked me to go down on her in the car. She cried out my name while she came, and she whispered to me softly in the afterglow, "I don't want to lose you."

I visited her at work the next day as her shift was ending, a red rose, snack and a third letter in hand. After the previous night, I thought she'd be happy to see me. "You must have forgotten to unblock me," I said with a smile, as I handed her the gifts.

She looked at me in the eyes and said, "I want to break up."

I immediately got weak in the knees. "What about last night? I thought we made a plan to get through this."

"I went soft on you," she explained. "I can't be with someone who tries to hurt me deliberately."

I watched her receive more texts from her FWB. It looked like he had sent about fifty that day.

Amongst all the messages, he had me "crazy jealous," said that keeping in touch with him was fine because they weren't "doing anything anymore", and then backtracked, saying "it's normal to stay friends with a FWB when you start seeing someone."

Maybe that's true for him? Was he just trying to manipulate her back into his bed? But it certainly wasn't the expectation that the relationship between my GF and I was built on. I had bid farewell to my old flings months ago. Was I really wrong by expecting the same? I started to question myself.

GF told me that "she had felt pressured to have sex with me, and to give her virginity to me." I was in shock. I thought it had been something that we had agreed to do together. She had seemed so eager. Had I misread her? Or was she retconning our relationship?

GF and I talked. I hate to admit it but I begged. We hugged. I cried in front of her. Once again, I drove her home. Once again, we had oral sex in the car. This time she reciprocated.

The next day, we were meant to go on an overnight trip to visit my mother again. She cancelled and I went alone.

...

Another week has passed now. I'm trying strategies to manage my feelings, like writing them down in my notes. But I'm still not sleeping well, and I've had nightmares about my GF and her FWB. She's agreed to no longer go out with her in-love-with-her friend on evening dates alone. I even met up with him to apologise for what I had written about him (she sent him the messages). She's also agreed to stop texting her FWB for two months.

But why only two months? It makes me really uneasy. I feel like a weight is hanging over me while I count down the days until they're texting again. GF and I have spoken about him at length, and now I really don't like him. It really sounds like he took advantage of her vulnerability during difficult parts of her life, and has cultivated an emotional dependence in him. But ultimately she is an adult, responsible for her own actions, whether manipulated into those actions or not. GF said she finds not having him available for texting very difficult. But I know she has other friends that aren't so problematic, and she has me. Both GF and FWB knew I didn't want them to stay in contact, but both of them kept doing it.

We've been communicating better. We've been speaking more about the things we like and the things which upset us. She likes it when I tell her that I love her (though she still hasn't said it back). She doesn't like it when I talk about the future in romantic terms. That makes her feel pressured. That's okay. I can work with that. She said she never felt any pressure for sex from her FWB. But FWB was never exclusive with her. It's easy to not feel pressure when you can just find intimacy in someone else. I know, I've been there. GF was just one of several women FWB was sleeping with. GF confirmed this.

Last night I drove her home from her to and from practice, and as I was carrying her bags to her door at the end of the night, she said, "I'm going to be really busy for the next couple of months, until January (it's now October). I'll really only see you at practice, once per week, or when you visit me at work."

I replied, "When you were with FWB, you had quality time alone with him every second Friday. Is it really fair for me to expect never being alone with you for two-and-a-half months?" I am mindful that my birthday, Christmas and the New Year all fall in this period. Am I really going to be spending the holiday season alone?

She got suddenly defensive. "What do you want me to do!? I'm so tired! Do you want me to drink ten cans of Red Bull before seeing you?"

"Of course not, I want you to be happy and healthy."

But something about it doesn't feel genuine to me. I know her schedule pretty well. She doesn't have any classes over the holidays. Even during the semester, a quick look at her schedule shows that her work hours plus study hours are about equivalent to my working hours. If I can make the time for her, why is she saying she won't be able to make the time for me? I don't think she's lying at all, but I think she may be trying to shield me from the way she really feels.

My question:

So I'm thinking of pulling back from our relationship a little and seeing what happens. I have plenty of work, sport, and volunteering things coming up that will keep me busy. I'm lamenting my lack of a sex life, and I'm lamenting having fallen in love only to have my heart broken.

My plan is to text her less. I'll only text her outside of my (longer than typical) work hours. I will stop visiting her with snacks at work on weekends. I'll stop paying for meals, treats and drinks. I'll stop booking hotels for us to stay at. What about giving her rides to and from practice? Carrying her bags for her and opening doors for her? It's difficult for me, because I naturally want to keep doing these things. Loving her comes very naturally.

Is the right approach? Do you think there is something I've missed? Perhaps you think I'm being too controlling and jealous. I'd appreciate good-faith feedback. I'm really at a loss here.

TLDR: After 6 months with my (38M) GF (29F), I feel like we're drifting apart. I love her, but is it unrequited? A wedge has formed between us due to her staying in touch with a FWB. Do I pull back, cut my losses, or something else? I don't want to lose her.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend, let’s call him C, 24M and I 24F met in college when we were 19. We had both just gotten out of relationships and started seeing each other, then started dating soon after. I was enamored by him and his handsomeness, humor, and intellect. But things are a bit complicated when I look back on our relationship because I had dated someone before him who made me feel very well understood. Let’s call him Z. Z and I were both a bit depressed and had similar adventurous attitudes, like we were trying to escape reality through soul seeking, coping with our sadness through each other. I really miss this guy now but had broken up with him because I got tired of how needy and codependent he was. It became unattractive and I wanted someone more like my current bf, someone more independent and less depressed, someone brighter who made me feel lighter. Fast forward three years after my current bf and I started dating and we began living together and have been for the past 1.5 years.

When we first moved in together in a studio after being long distance for about a year after graduating, I felt very excited to start a life in person with him. But slowly my feelings have declined because I don’t feel the same emotional draw or depth from him that I had felt with Z. However, C is so kind and loving, tries to show me he cares for me through his affection and acts of service. But I’ve noticed that I started to feel so much longing throughout our conversations, longing for something deeper. It’s hard to describe what that is exactly. I just wish he knew how to be more curious and compelling on an emotional level, but the guy is not very well-versed in his own emotions like that, like Z was. I’m starting to feel very bored and frustrated with him, and we have had many talks about it to where I verbalize exactly how I feel and he says he will work on himself and his emotional depth, but nothing changes. I don’t think this is something I can ask someone to change about themselves. When he told me he could give me space to breath though, I got very anxious and scared about him leaving. My gut reaction was to not break up with him in that moment.

I am confused and don’t know what to do. I think he’s an amazing person but I’m struggling to feel in love like how I used to feel with him. I also grew tired of my ex and broke up with him too. How do I fall back in love? I also feel like I’m treating the relationship like a marriage when we are just dating. I can leave and find someone else who makes me happier, but this guy is such a good guy and I do feel really lucky to be with someone like him. But I’m also young and maybe this is the period of my life I should take advantage of to date around and find someone who makes me happier? Idk what to do!

Tldr: I’m 24F and not feeling in love with a genuinely good guy 24M anymore because of my loss of emotional draw to him , how do I fall back in love?

Please be nice; this has taken me years to come to this point, and now I’m spiraling and extremely lost on what to do. 

I, an early 20F, have been struggling with this issue for a few years now. I think I’ve gotten over it, and then either something comes up that resurfaces the issue or my brain starts overanalyzing it again, and I can’t get it to turn off. This causes me to spiral. I’m going to try to keep this extremely vague to protect my family’s privacy. I’m simply looking for advice on what to do. 

I’m the oldest in my family and have two younger siblings. When I was growing up, we had a fairly normal life, and I was very happy being surrounded by family, seeing my cousins and grandparents a few times a week. However, a significant event occurred that caused my dad to relocate the family to the other side of the USA. To an extremely rural area where his family was. 

Two years after we moved to this remote area, his family moved away, and we were left all by ourselves. My dad would continually have to fly back and forth so he could continue working and make money for the family in a completely different state while we stayed in the extremely rule area on the other side of the USA all by ourselves. He was gone most of my childhood because of this.

Anyone who has lived in a rural area knows people who live there aren’t very welcoming to newcomers. We learned that very quickly. My middle sister and I were severely bullied in middle school, and the teachers did nothing, saying it was just child’s play. Examples of the bullying include my sister getting dragged across the playground by her pigtails, upskirting my dress, pulling my hair, or shoving me into the wall, and many more examples similar to these. In that area, if you wear your hair put together or dress up in fashionable or cute outfits, you are instantly looked down upon. The go-to outfit is jeans and a T-shirt. It got to the point where I refused to go to school until I got those items so I could somewhat fit in and not get bullied as severely.

Being a girl who adored Paris and fashion, this was extremely devastating, and for the next 10 years I had to deal with this(it ended up escalating to sexual harassment). I lost a lot of my identity, trying to be what everybody else wanted me to be just to fit in and not get bullied anymore. Because the second somebody knew you weren’t from there. It was an instant target on your back. I wish it was just designated to the kids. It was also the adults who would not only egg it on, but would participate in it. For example, when I was 16, I was running my own business, paid for with my own money. I was helping a family out with rebuilding a building that pertains to the item I was selling, and I told her you could use this type of roof; however, I find this one’s more affordable and more cost-efficient. Her husband, who was three to four times my age, looked me dead in the eyes and started laughing, saying, “How would you know that? Your dad pays for everything”. 

On top of that, there were things that I wanted to do that I never was able to do because my parents said they would never do that. Or what I wanted to do wasn’t available in the area we moved to. Plus, there were no opportunities to pursue these interests. So the second I turned 18, I left the house and moved back to the area we had come from. Six months later, my family also moved back, which I was extremely excited about, having them nearby. However, made me start to question. Why couldn’t they have done that earlier? Why did I have to go through that?

Now my middle sister and I have moved out of the house, and my little sister is literally getting everything I ever wanted. My middle sister is also struggling with this as well so it’s not just me. Maybe it’s because my parents have more time for my little sister, but they’re now doing stuff that, when my middle sister or I begged to do the same thing, they turn their noses up and say they would never do that. To add, it’s not the money aspect since I asked them about that.

I know you can’t control other people‘s actions, and I’ve tried therapy, talking to people, and to just ignore it and move on with my life, but it’s so hard when that’s all my mom and dad can talk about is these things my sister is doing. I told them it’s hard for me to hear, but that’s their whole life and they have nothing else to discuss, if that makes sense. Not only that, but they have also now purchased the item that I so desperately wanted when I was younger, and instead of using it properly, they proceed to break it and act shocked when I told them that would happen. It’s almost like the scene from Cinderella where her stepsisters are ripping up her dream dress that her mice have so kindly made. I know it’s an overdramatic statement, but that’s the only way I can describe how I feel. I’m trying to move on, trying to not hold resentment but it is so hard. My middle sister has simply given up and completely cut off my family. I don’t want to do that; however, I don’t know what else to do, and this has been extremely painful for me to go through. 

I’m very all in or all out and don’t do well with the in between. I’ve been working on it, but I get so hurt in the process that I’m at the point of giving up. I tried to state I was disengaging with them with my mom and little sister, and instead of acting concerned, I was met with “that’s a stupid idea,” and when I explained I wasn’t blocking them, just not wanting to talk as much, they started laughing, saying “that’s not disengaging”. I have blocked them at the moment just to process that and not say anything I would regret because that was extremely hurtful. I love my family and struggle with having relationships due to the bullying and getting used. So I trusted my family to be there, and now that the rose colored glasses were removed, it made me realize I would never tolerate this from anyone else….. Making me extremely upset with myself.

Edit: I didn’t add why we had to move which I probably should have. My family was receiving death threats, our house was burned down, our animals were shot, and I still remember waking up and seeing a human shadow cross the window(cop ended up confirming someone was there but never found him). After we moved my mother was a constant drunk I had to raise my siblings(one who was extremely suicidal)…. I’m sorry I don’t know why I didn’t originally add these important parts to the post. My brain tries to forget the darker moments. Which is where the resentment might be coming from as well…

This is the backstory of what’s going on. So my question is, how can I better set boundaries with my parents? I love my parents so much and don’t think I could completely cut them off long term, which is why I’m looking for advice on how to better set boundaries.

Thank you for taking the time to read🙏

tl;dr: I’m in my early 20s and have been struggling with resentment toward my parents for years after being moved across the country to a rural area where my siblings and I experienced severe bullying and missed out on opportunities we wanted. When I turned 18, I moved back to where we originally lived, and my family eventually followed. Now my younger sister is getting to do things my parents told my middle sister and me they would never allow, including things we begged for growing up. It’s painful watching my parents embrace these opportunities for her while also seeing them mishandle things I once desperately wanted. I’ve tried therapy and talking to my parents, but it’s hard to move forward when these things are constantly brought up. I love my family and don’t want to cut them off, but my attempts to set boundaries have been dismissed and laughed at. How can I establish healthy boundaries with my parents while working through my resentment and maintaining a relationship with them?