Initially thought this enfj dude was attracted to me Entj f, but I realized ENFJ’s normally pursue if they like someone platonically too. And he talks to me at the gym all the time now and it’s never small talk.

If I really like someone I also will be overt with wanting to get to know them and understand them, so I’m deciding that I’m just going to enjoy his presence instead of figuring out the what if’s.

Helpful/insightful thoughts and comments please

For reference, I'm a F ENFJ 3w2.

I've been trying to put this feeling into words for a while, and I'm curious whether anyone else experiences something similar.

I feel like I'm constantly in my own head. I'm always thinking, analysing, worrying about things, jumping between unrelated thoughts, thinking ahead to what I need to do next, or reflecting on my own behaviour and how I come across to people. There's so much going on internally that I sometimes forget that, from everyone else's perspective, I'm just another person going about my day. They don't know the full extent of what's going on inside my head, and their perceptions of me are inevitably different from how I experience myself.

Every now and then, I suddenly become aware of this, and it feels strangely existential and disorienting. I have to stop for a moment and consciously take in the fact that other people experience me as a person in their world, just as I experience them in mine. They only see what I express and how I behave, not the constant stream of thoughts, worries, insecurities and feelings behind it.

It sounds obvious when I write it down, but when I actually experience this realisation, it hits differently. I usually forget about it again and return to my usual train of thought, but I wonder what would happen if I sat with that feeling and reflected on it for longer.

Another part of this is that I sometimes feel like I'm performing being myself. I can become so conscious of how I'm speaking, reacting, behaving and presenting myself that nothing feels entirely natural anymore. I start questioning whether I'm being genuine, whether my reactions are sincere, whether I'm subconsciously trying to come across a certain way, or whether I'm just overthinking something that would otherwise happen naturally. It can feel like I'm observing myself from the outside while simultaneously trying to be the person I'm observing.

For example, when I'm talking to someone I care about, I might respond to what they're saying perfectly normally, but not fully absorb the emotional significance of the moment. My mind is already somewhere else, or I'm operating on autopilot. Then, if I deliberately pause and think about what's actually happening - that this is a real person talking to me, sharing something with me, expressing affection towards me, etc. - I suddenly feel much more present and connected to the experience. It's almost as though I have to consciously remind myself to be there instead of just going through the motions.

I've also noticed that I sometimes question my own sincerity because of things I've recognised in my past behaviour. I've come across discussions about narcissistic traits, defensiveness and manipulation that reminded me of certain ways I used to behave.

For context, I was quite immature at the time and hadn't experienced or dealt with much conflict in relationships. It was my first relationship, and I was around 16. Looking back, I recognise that I didn't always handle things well, and I think some of that came from inexperience and not knowing how to deal with conflict properly.

I'm not trying to diagnose myself with anything, and I know that recognising certain behaviours doesn't automatically mean you have a personality disorder. However, it's made me more conscious of the possibility that I don't always perceive my own intentions or behaviour accurately. Now I sometimes overanalyse whether I'm genuinely feeling something or whether I'm simply acting in a way that looks genuine. I can end up questioning myself so much that I don't even know what to make of my own reactions anymore.

During arguments or emotionally overwhelming situations, I can also go blank, mentally check out, or feel disconnected from what's happening. Sometimes I struggle to process what I'm feeling in the moment, which makes it difficult to tell whether I'm genuinely calm, overwhelmed, numb, or simply not thinking clearly enough to respond.

I don't experience all of this constantly, and I'm not necessarily saying that I feel detached from reality all the time. A lot of it happens in brief moments, and I often forget about it afterwards. But when I become aware of it, it can feel quite unsettling, almost as if I'm suddenly questioning the relationship between the person I experience myself as internally and the person who exists in other people's minds.

I'm wondering whether anyone else experiences a combination of these things:

• Being so caught up in your internal world that you forget other people only see the parts of you that you express externally.
• Occasionally having an existential, disorienting moment where you suddenly become intensely aware of yourself as a person existing in other people's lives, rather than just as the person you experience yourself to be.
• Feeling like you're performing being yourself because you're so conscious of your own behaviour that it becomes difficult to act naturally.
• Struggling to distinguish genuine self-awareness from excessive self-monitoring, to the point where you question your own sincerity.
• Being mentally elsewhere during experiences and having to consciously bring yourself back into the moment to actually absorb what's happening.

Does anyone else relate to this, particularly from an ENFJ perspective? I'm curious whether this is more related to overthinking and self-consciousness, or whether there's another way of understanding the experience.

I'd especially appreciate hearing from people who've experienced something similar themselves and how they make sense of it, rather than just being told that everyone overthinks sometimes.

Hi! I've thought I was an ENFJ 2w3 majority of my life, but this test seems to think different...does this mean I'm secretly an INFJ? Also, why is it saying I "failed" the test. I'd appreciate any feedback possible! I'm having trouble interpreting these results :)

(Link to test): https://sakinorva.net/test/function_bunya#my_results

This was an interesting result to see. I still love people tho and like making them feel "seen/heard". Don't feel like; what ENTP calls a "debater" type. 😅🤔 Be interesting to read more about the whole personality thing.

Had to redo it one more time, cause I clicked back when I was taking pictures, it erased all of my answers, I forgot to save.😞

Ok, the topic is the following. I'm an F ENFJ 2w1. I have been very obsessed with MBTI for a few years and I like it because it helps me understand myself and the people around me. Lately I've been curious about the match that may exist between an ENFJ and an ENTP...

In my experience, I have dated some ENTPs and they are usually the relationships where I feel most hooked, despite the fact that my "ideal match" is an INFP. In general, I like ENTPs because they are very spontaneous, they think outside the box and genuinely care about their friends/family... but then I have had conflicts with them because they can't be serious about issues that require it, or because they sometimes minimize the feelings of others.

However, despite this, I always ended up hooked with an ENTP and always an ENTP ends up saying that he had never felt so understood by someone, so connected... then the question comes to me, have you experienced something similar with an ENTP? What do you think this is because of?

All this is very interesting for me because the dynamic I usually have with them is challenging intellectually speaking, full of spontaneous moments of emotional connection, and it can become very chaotic when we both get the worst out of ourselves.

Thank you for reading me, I apologize, English is not my first language.

With ESFJs, you share the same dominant function and the same inferior function.

With INFJs, you share the same four functions, but not in the same order.

So in the end, which ones do you feel the closest to in general?

I lost my ability to imagine future and have dreams about it .. because of years of being depressed and anxious .. and on survival mode wishing everything to get better one day .. and suddenly things got kinda better .. I moved on many things .. kept going and healing

But I still can't have dreams and passion and any idea about the future .. unlike how I was as a kid .. even in the hardest times I had dreams ..

I believe good things will find it's way to me .. and I see and feel light .. and I'm way more stronger, aware and mature now .. but I don't know how to dram like I did before ..

I really dreamed big ..

Help please ..

Thanks for the response you all, I'll take a note of it, and try to listen more and let them feel their emotions

…are lefties? Just curious because i was reading about the Intuitive types being more likely to be left handed.

Hello friends,

My dear wonderful ENFJ husband M37 has achieved all his goals, he’s top of a ladder at work, we bought a house, he always said marriage and kid was a goal, alright we got that now, he wanted a boat, so WE BUILT ONE FROM SCRATCH because of course he wanted it custom built lol

He is awesome to everyone around him, and lately he has said “I’m lost honey” “I don’t know where I’m going “

When I’ve asked him “Is our current path not aligning with your goals? “ “I can’t see anything right now”🤔

He’s been like a mannequin all weekend he moves from one room to another and just sits. He’s not present, he’s not obsessed getting out to do his hobbies, he is warm and affectionate but not trying to get in my pants…. Which usually he is insatiable about fishing, etc. He’s just drifting mentally, floating about on a string.

Our marriage is solid but we are at a weird crossroads where we have just gotten over the woohoo let’s make this house a home phase, to oh shoot! This house needs maintenance and the plumbing one weekend, and then the microwave goes…and he makes great money and I work too and financially we are solid AF, even saving really well. But every penny that goes to something lame like a microwave or pipes makes him grumpy, also the lost time kills him, but he insists we diy and it’s my natural habitat so I love it and am very involved/helpful/annoying?

I know he’s stressed out, he tortures his body all week at work and just beats himself all weekend calling himself a lump. I tell him, “Honey you kicked the worlds ass all week, you can be a lump for one half day, no need for guilt.”

What is my question…. I don’t know, elder ENFJs, what have you done/ gone through when you reached the top of a long term goal and lose sight of the next mountain top? 🏔️ I want to ask him helpful open questions and help facilitate him getting into the futurscaping mental space so he can dream again. We have a few goals, but they are vague, unactionable(waiting for savings) and not a clear direction.

I find myself I'm listening to this song a lot when I need to be reminded that I am not a basket case or "strange".

People just need to be reminded gently, when they feel like no one notices them, that they matter.

...And in turn, I/us ENFJs; usually, will be ok and that it's alright to feel~☺️❤️🥰

How are we doing today?

Hi guys,

A lot of us are extremely protective. I always have been. I think because we're always busy protecting others, it can come as a lovely surprise when others protect us.

Who protects you? Do you know their MBTI type?

How do you feel when someone protects you?

For context we're both 19 and guys, we just started college and I'm an enfp as an fyi.

So first what I have to say is that nothing happened yet. I've made my intentions pretty clear by treating him with extra kindness, like for example I sat by him when he was drunk at a house party, I've been checking in with him often and I always hover around him which got to a point where it's noticeable. Without a doubt I know he noticed my interest, and he's been polite through all of it. We went on a weekend trip with a college club, and on the coach he moved back to talk to my friend group, and then later I've heard his group say my name.

As someone who doesn't prioritise Fe in my life, differentiating between Fe politeness and a Fe interest is difficult because once I clock that someone is into me but it's not mutual, I create distance and become cold to signal that I'm not interested.

There was a somewhat big event with around 30 people that me and a friend threw together yesterday, and his entire friend group was invited (by me) and they didn't show up. Granted, I also skipped this because I ended up getting sick right before, but his group not showing up without informing us felt weird.

The one thing that I keep thinking about is would enfjs discourage an interest from someone that they wouldn't consider as a potential boyfriend? As an enfp I would absolutely discourage it before it develops into a more serious crush. Let me know what y'all think.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I think he's testing my moral compass?? I might be overthinking this but he's asking political questions (we do poli sci) to see how I view the world...

I (enfp (M) met a enfj [F]) online. I'm in Bristol and she's in Oxford, so our first two dates were video calls.
The second date went really well from my side. I set up some games (spicy truth or dare, never have I ever, who's most likely to), and we ended up just talking too. I shared some embarrassing stories, and she was laughing non-stop. The only thing was that she felt a bit emotionally guarded. She kept up a kind of tough, jokey front, and I couldn't really tell how she felt about me.
Before the date, I asked if I could crash at hers when I come to Oxford, and she said yes. I told her I'd get a bus ticket to come and see her.
She also told me she'd be busy with work all week so it will have to do the next week. Since the date, she's gone quiet. I haven't heard from her in over 2 days, so on Monday afternoon I sent "Heyy is work going a lot intense today?" and she hasn't replied yet.
My head says she told me she's busy, so I should believe her. My gut says that in the past, when people went quiet, they ended up ghosting me, so I'm worried cus I rlly do like her, but it could be maybe because of the distance.
Is this normal for someone with a busy week, or are these signs she's losing interest? And should I just wait until the weekend ?

I always see INTP x ENFJ ships online, but I’ve never actually seen this pairing IRL. Would you say it’s a common match, or is it one of those pairings that’s more popular online than in reality? Do they actually tend to work out? My friend is a 25F INTP and she’s really struggling to find a partner. She used to be the one who would ghost people, but lately she’s been genuinely trying to put herself out there and put more effort into getting to know people. Unfortunately, she keeps getting ghosted or things just don’t work out, and now she’s getting to the point where she’s tired of people altogether.

She seems particularly interested in ENFJs. As an INFJ, I have a few ENFJ friends myself, and while I like them, I’ve noticed some can be difficult to read emotionally. They can be very warm and social while still keeping their actual feelings private, which can make it hard to tell whether they genuinely like someone or are just naturally friendly. Some are also pretty flirty and have a lot of female friends, which makes things even more confusing.

She’s already had a couple of bad experiences with ENFJ guys where she thought something was developing, only to later find out they ended up in relationships without ever making that clear to her. (BTW, we don’t hate all ENFJs cause of this incident)

What advice would you give her? She’s getting discouraged and starting to give up on dating altogether. And for anyone who has actually seen or experienced an INTP x ENFJ relationship IRL, how did it work out? Plz send positive success stories, ty! 💜💚

So, someone recommended I take this. Never took this one before and did do other MBTI tests a long time ago.

What does this mean?

Every other man who has acted this way towards me has definitively been attracted to me… but apparently ENFJs are different.

Ordinarily, I would just make it more obvious that I’m attracted to him/make the first move. However, we share a social/activist group, and I do not want to read this wrong and make him uncomfortable (as I’m also a few years older than him).

I’ll skip my inclination to detail every single facet of our interactions (as nobody will read that), and I’ll simply list a few short ones:

• he didn’t pull back when our knees touched while sitting at a table
• he didn’t step away when I backed up to take someone’s picture (front-of-his-shoe-touching-the-back-of-mine close) even though there were no obstacles in the way of him creating space
• he offered me the first sip of his drink (even though he saw I was already sharing the same drink with another friend)
• he comes over to sit next to me for one-on-one conversation, in group settings
• he refills my water bottle
• he asked me for advice on something I’m well versed in, and when I offered to come over to his house and show him how to do it, he didn’t hesitate to say yes and schedule a time and day for me to come over (this hasn’t happened yet, but is why I’m thinking about it more)

I think I’ll leave it at that for now. There’s a lot more context, but again, no one wants to read all that.

Are these just normal ENFJ behaviors? TIA

I created a strange obsession in trying to unravel my type. The more I study, the more confused I get. So, I’m constantly testing Michael Caloz and Sakinorva, being as sincere as possible, seeking confirmation with my wife. When the tests offer multiple results, I can identify with all of them. It’s as if I had a little of each type, all depending on the context, the time, being excited or tired, alone or with people... I question and blame myself for being obsessed with a pseudoscientific theory, but I don’t care if it’s a pseudoscience. This can be useful for other things, just as every idea, concept or philosophy has its utilities.

The types that appear the most in my results are: ENFP, INFP, ISTJ, ESTJ, ENFJ, INFJ and INTJ. So, I decided to make this post in this sub to try to seek an external understanding.

I don’t know where to start, I’ll just type according to what comes to my head. I consider myself introverted because I’m always doing something alone, but everyone has the impression that I’m outgoing because I socialize a lot and meet a lot of people. I don’t want to brag, but I’m considered attractive. That must be why people take the initiative to talk to me or listen to me when I talk. Some people report feeling a peace when they are with me, while others hate me for unknown reasons. Some girls from my past hate me because I was shy and had an avoidant attitude with them, so I ended up breaking some hearts. After I overcame my damn shyness and became more confident, I liked to flirt unintentionally, to see what would come about (usually with women older than me). It was playing with this that I ended up marrying my best friend (who is now my wife).

Speaking of the past, I have a love-hate relationship with him. I can be very nostalgic and remember in detail the past, just as I can forget many other details or not want to remember who I was. I’m ashamed and hate the kind of person I was: reckless, lazy, disorganized and shy. If I could go back in time, I would do everything differently.

I always let things flow naturally, although, at specific moments, anxiety made me want to control and plan everything. But when it comes to work, career, future, marriage and family, I always let things flow and I’m lucky. I consider myself blessed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t plan my future. I know what I want and need. My plans may change as things come up or I learn something new, but I’m still firm with some ideas.

I’m not one to take risks, but when something forces me to change, I adapt easily. So easily that I wonder if I needed to make so much drama. I don’t mind living a routine, as long as it is well structured and allows me to do the things I like. I always look for something new within this routine, a little adventure or a new knowledge. I may be distracted and late, but I always fulfill my obligations. I need to be doing something, mentally or physically, otherwise my mind will get sick. I also like to make lists and write down ideas.

I’m creative for things of my interest. When I’m not interested, I can’t think of anything and I don’t even want to. I’ll let the others solve it. I’ve been considered lazy, but if something doesn’t attract me, there’s no way to force me, unless it’s something from work. My wife wants to paint the house, but I don’t care about the color of the walls, so I let her choose. But it’s man’s role to do the heavy work, and I’ll have to paint. Already on Halloween 2024, I was very creative when making my costume. And the most incredible thing was to have convinced my evangelical parents to participate, along with countless relatives who I managed to convince to go in costume. I only achieved this feat once; they probably won’t do it again. But I will never forget this day.

I’m very idealistic and I almost always make something happen that I really want, but I can get frustrated when I can’t.

I like to help people, especially by giving advice. I’m great at giving advice, but I’m not good at following my own advice. I would know very well how to instruct a person with retroactive jealousy, but when I’m involved with it, I can’t handle it, even though I understand that it’s irrational. My biggest problem in relationships, whether loving or family, is to help and expect the other person to do the same. It’s a feeling that one of the parties is investing more than the other. And when I hear stories of her past, I can feel jealous because I think she invested more in the other than in me. But I think it’s very unfair that the person doesn’t recognize this and doesn’t do the same while in a relationship, even saying they love.

I also don’t like to be managed, commanded or influenced. I said I like to help others, but I don’t like it when the person asks me for too many favors, because it can disrupt my plans and make me feel used. When I’m focused, I don’t like to be disturbed, and it stresses me out. I identify with Jack Torrance when my wife starts talking exactly when I’m focused on something serious. The difference between me and Jack is that I would never attack her and I don’t even know how to ask her to shut up, because a part of me understands that when she’s very happy, she gets like this. Right now she’s talking while I type this, but I don’t understand anything she says.

Hi my lovelies

So, I love a lot of people. Almost everyone. It's easy to find reasons to love people. Sometimes I think to myself that if I really wanted to, I could've fallen in love with anyone romantically. And the interesting thing is, every single person I have felt romantic feelings for, has always reciprocated.

I'm happily engaged to my ISTP right now, and it's because of shared values, good character, and compatibility more than anything, so I have no doubts in our relationship. He told me he loves me first, and it was after I was really affectionate one day (I'm always affectionate but I was still warming up romantically at that time). And looking back, I feel like so many of the people who love me, loved me after I showed them love.

That probably sounds like I've got a boot stuck up by backside but I promise I don't mean it in an egotistical way. I've literally seen it directly - I've gushed with praise, the next day that colleague is enamoured by me. I've shown lots of affection, the next day that distant family member says I'm their favourite. I know this is basically the law of reciprocity, but I feel a little sad thinking - couldn't I be loved before you gained something from my love? Maybe I'm overthinking, please help me with this.

​

I’m 18F and I’ve never dated. Honestly, I’ve never cared that much about dating either, but lately I’ve been wondering whether I’m eventually going to find someone who actually fits me.

I’m pretty introverted, and I’ve realized I’m just not someone who can separate emotional connection from intimacy. I’d want to genuinely love and trust someone before getting that close to them. I know people have completely different approaches to relationships, and that’s fine, but sometimes it feels like you’re made to feel weird if you don’t want casual relationships or don’t see dating the same way everyone else does.

I also don’t want kids. At all. My ideal future honestly sounds pretty simple: I want us both to have our own careers, our own interests, our own friends and lives, but still come home to each other and genuinely love being together.

I don’t want our entire world to become only each other. We’d obviously have friends, maybe even mutual friends, hobbies, family, things we enjoy separately, etc. I just want the relationship itself to feel really deep and intentional. Two independent people who choose each other and build a life together because they genuinely want to.

I also think my standards are probably a little high. Not in a “must be perfect” way,I just want someone whose values genuinely match mine.

For example, I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, but I wouldn’t want a partner who cooks simply because they think it’s their job or because I asked them to. I’d want someone who actually enjoys taking care of the person they love. And obviously I’d want to take care of him too, just in ways that come naturally to me.

Maybe that sounds unrealistic because I’ve never been in a relationship. Sometimes I wonder whether I’m going to meet someone who thinks about relationships in a similar way, or whether I’ll eventually have to compromise on things that feel really important to me.

I’m not judging people who like casual dating, hookups, marriage, kids, or anything else. I just genuinely don’t understand how people can want such different things from relationships, because for me love and emotional connection seem like such a huge part of it.

For people who were also late to dating or never really cared about it when they were younger: did you eventually meet someone who matched what you were looking for?