One month post divorce decree and THANK GOD I’m divorced. Thank you to all that is holy.

Be gentle, y'all, this one is tough, and I'm genuinely unsure about what to do...

I'm a mid-50s man, divorced for four years now, coparent. The divorce was painful, settled through attorneys and mediation, and for my mental health I've kept pretty strict boundaries since, including closing doors to my relationships with her family. (Plenty of loss there as well, but I digress.) We function well as a "distant" coparenting team — few interactions except over email or a shared doc about our son's schedule, etc.

Today my XW sent me an email asking if I would help her with her father, who apparently is experiencing severe dementia, living in squalor in an apartment, giving scammers thousands of dollars, and refusing to listen to her. He has a history of only listening to men he trusts and dismissing his daughters; this is consistent with the time that I once knew him. She has tried filing with adult protective services, and the police won't accept a report without consent or proof.

My initial response here is that I am no longer a part of her family and it's not my role to help, regardless of my sympathy for her father's plight. Also, are there not other men who have had more contact with him than me? I know he always seemed to trust and admire me, but we haven't spoken in years now. Basically I'm torn between wanting to help and keeping my healthy post-divorce boundary.

What do you think is the right thing to do here? Have you been in this situation before? I welcome any advice or insight.

Was driving around today listening to a podcast about something totally random and it hit me that I used to be a person with actual opinions. Not huge worldview stuff just small things. What kind of music I liked. What I wanted to eat on a Friday. Which way to walk to the park. Somewhere in the last few years of the marriage I just defaulted to whatever the other person wanted because it was easier than negotiating every tiny decision. I thought I was being easygoing. Turns out I was just erasing myself in real time and calling it compromise. Now I am out and I catch myself standing in the kitchen for five minutes trying to remember what I actually want for dinner. It is a stupid example but it feels like a symptom of something bigger. I built a budget spreadsheet the other night because I did not know what else to do with myself. That is not a personality. That is just filling space. Trying to get back into pickup basketball to shake it off but half the time I just stand there realizing I do not even know how I play anymore. Aggressive or lazy. I forgot. Curious if anyone else went through this phase of having to manually restart their own preferences after a divorce.

Hello everyone,

I hope you all are doing well and great.

QUESTION FOR EVERYONE:-

1. Are you really happy after your divorce ?

2. Reason of divorce ?

3. How are you all managing your physical needs ?

4. What's the source of motivation right now you have ?

5. What are your future plans now ?

I would like to hear answers from both ladies and gentlemens.

If anyone is dealing with any kind of problem, I'm sending you a hug 🫂.

Much love

Respect ❤️

It’s been 7 months since she left and moved to another state. 4 months since our divorce was finalized. Every day is so hard. I miss her so bad, I just wish I could go back in time and find a way to save the marriage. Every day is filled with excruciating guilt and grief that our future and every thing we worked towards just ends one day. Today I had a really bad day at work and I went to my car on my break and just cried wishing I had my best friend to vent to, wishing I had my best friend to comfort me. I am struggling….. when does this get easier?

Fuck, I miss you.

Today was hard, it hurt, you leaving in the dark.

A sweet kiss to the kids and a silent goodbye, but you knew I was awake and didn't utter the words.

I cried, this is the first time you have left and I guess, this is the reality of the future.

It's hitting full force, I'm numb and lonely.

I don't know what flight you were on or if you landed safely.

And then a message in the evening, your available if needed, should have mentioned sooner, just missing your children.

I couldn't face hearing your voice or looking at your face on the screen. I let them fight and squabble, I didn't have the strength to intervene.

Fuck, I miss you

I just want one of your worn shirts wrapped on a pillow, like I used to.

But now that's not healthy and it's creepy.

I can't sleep tonight, you're not here. Yes, we haven't shared a bed in weeks, but I feel your absence more than ever.

The house is too silent, it feels so empty, this house is just a building, you were my eternity.

I vowed to always love you and it's a vow I shall keep.

A promise that can't be broken, you own that part of me.

I'm drowning in this solitude, we are supposed to be a team.

I'm stuck in this routine: pain, regret, longing and grief, on constant repeat.

Fuck, I miss you.

Worse than you could ever know, my whole world now a stranger and alone.

No more excitement, tracking your plane has touched down.

Waiting in anticipation, the message once wifi has been found.

The route check, to time your arrival, willing and waiting.

Hearing the gate, your car door open, will now be devastating.

Your eyes don't shine when they meet mine, no welcome home, no warm embrace, I must just step to the side.

Idly watching, your home coming, kids and you intertwined.

A sob left stuck in my throat, I won't ruin what is no longer mine.

I could really use some advice from people who have gone through a divorce or ended a marriage when they still deeply cared about their spouse as a person, but no longer wanted to be in a romantic relationship with them.

I’ve been struggling with my marriage for a while now, and I think I’m reaching the point where I need to be honest with myself about what I want. I care about my wife deeply. She’s important to me, and the thought of hurting her is genuinely painful. But I don’t feel romantically attracted to her anymore, and I’ve increasingly found myself wanting to be alone, spending time on my computer, and avoiding the closeness that comes with being in a relationship.

The difficult part is that I’m not entirely sure I ever wanted the kind of romantic relationship we have now. When we were discussing marriage and getting serious about our future, she made it clear that she wanted a committed relationship and would leave to find someone who did if I wasn’t willing to commit. I was afraid of losing her, so I proposed. I think part of me hoped that the feelings I was uncertain about would develop with time.

We had a real connection. She was someone I felt deeply comfortable with, almost like reconnecting with a long-lost friend. I don’t want to dismiss that or pretend the relationship was meaningless. I genuinely care about her. But I’ve spent a lot of time wondering whether I confused that deep connection and affection with romantic love, or whether I committed to something I wasn’t truly ready for because I was afraid of losing someone important to me.

I also recognize that my own mental and emotional state could be affecting how I feel. I’ve struggled with depression, stress, and feeling generally unhappy with life. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever been in a place where I felt consistently emotionally healthy and content. So I can’t confidently say how much of this is about my marriage and how much might be about me. I don’t want to make a life-changing decision without considering that.

At the same time, when I imagine being single and living independently for a few years, I feel relief. When I imagine continuing my marriage as it is, I feel trapped.

I don’t feel motivated to try to rebuild the romantic relationship, and couples counseling doesn’t feel like something I genuinely want to pursue. My wife has also made it clear that she isn’t willing to go to therapy. I know relationships take work, and I don’t expect a marriage to feel perfect all the time, but I’m struggling to find the desire to keep trying when I’m not sure I want this relationship anymore.

One of the hardest parts is feeling responsible for my wife’s emotional well-being. She has struggled with her mental health in the past, and I’ve worried about her safety during periods of intense emotional distress. I’m afraid that if I tell her I want to end the marriage, she’ll hurt herself or threaten to do so. I worry that I’ll feel obligated to take back what I said, reassure her that I’m staying, and continue the relationship because I won’t feel morally capable of leaving while she’s in that much pain.

I’ve noticed that when I feel pressured to reassure her that I’m staying, those are the moments when I feel most trapped and least want to be in the relationship. I don’t want to resent her, and I don’t want either of us to live in a marriage where I’m staying primarily out of guilt or fear. But I also don’t want to abandon someone I care about when she’s vulnerable.

We’re supposed to take a trip soon to visit her parents, who live about three hours away. Her mother is an important source of safety and support for her. I’ve been considering whether it would be better to have the conversation while we’re near her family, so she has somewhere familiar to go and people nearby who can support her. But I don’t know how to approach that without making the trip feel like a setup or a betrayal. I’m also uncertain how her mother would react or whether telling her in advance would help or make things more complicated.

Telling my wife at home presents its own difficulties. We live in a small space, and I’m worried about what happens afterward if I leave her there alone and she becomes distressed or unsafe. I feel caught between wanting to handle this somewhere she has support and being afraid of making an already painful situation worse.

I know I can’t control every reaction she has, and I understand that I shouldn’t have to stay married indefinitely because I’m afraid of what might happen if I leave. But knowing that intellectually doesn’t make the guilt or fear disappear.

I’m not looking for people to tell me that my wife is a bad person or that I should simply leave without considering the consequences. She’s not a villain in this story. She’s someone I care about, and I don’t want to cause her unnecessary pain. I’m also not looking for someone to tell me to stay married at all costs. I want to be honest about the possibility that this relationship isn’t right for me, even if that truth is painful for both of us.

For those of you who have ended a marriage while still loving and caring about your spouse, how did you navigate the guilt? How did you distinguish between the normal fear of hurting someone and the feeling that you were responsible for keeping them emotionally stable? If your spouse struggled with their mental health, how did you handle that responsibly without feeling forced to remain in the relationship?

Practically speaking, how did you approach the conversation itself? Did you plan where each person would stay afterward? How did you handle the first few days, the living arrangements, and the emotional aftermath?

I know there isn’t a way to do this without pain. I’m trying to figure out how to approach it with honesty, compassion, and appropriate concern for her safety, while also acknowledging that I have a life and feelings of my own.

I’d especially appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar situation, whether you were the person who left or the person who was left. I’m trying to learn from people who understand how complicated it can be to care deeply about someone and still feel that you can’t continue being their spouse.

Long time coming. Not the first time this has been on the table but this time is definitive. We were just not a good fit so it's probably for the best.

Still very hard. She initiated. Still tried for some time to patch things up even if the situation, as it stands, doesn't deserve it. I tried up until today when I folded for good. No real intimacy for I don't how long, probably a red flag.

This is my post so I will say I have been a good partner in every aspect you could think of. I actually have been wronged by her so unfairly and so many times you would probably say I should have initiated myself years ago if I told you about it.

We will live together for at least until end of the year and it's painful and umcomfortable at the same time. Only brightness of the days is our amazing 2 year old boy. We will be coparenting 50/50 after we split up.

I just cannot imagine what's in her head or how must she feel to do this now with our very young kid. I know I would (and I have) try to fix whatever is wrong. I don't think there's anyone else. She says she just doesn't feel the same.

I just don't know how I really feel and how to deal with all this. Shitty and at the same time somehow relieved on my end. Definitely shitty for not being able to fix this so that my kid doesn't need to suffer from being separated every few days from one of his parents.

I haven't yet told my family or any close ones. Somehow I still have hope that she will get around though at the same time I am confident she won't. I am a bit of a mess now and I will appreciate reading any tip from anyone that has gone or is going through all of this.

Thank you

You know now going through this divorce process, i always question why i felt like my wife was not enough. I hear all these stories of couples being happy, doing the most for eachother, fulfilling sexual desires with nothing being held back and yet i look back at my marriage and i see myself working almost everyday with long hours, coming home exhausted not being able to do anything. And dont get me wrong we had every intention to make things work but something about it always felt off as if i wanted more but couldn’t have it. I felt like i was wrapped in a shell and could not be myself. We eventually had a baby and than got married but it wasn’t a big deal. I mean she needed health insurance and my job had great benefits so we decided to tie the knot in court. No ceremony nothing exciting about it, other than our baby. But again it felt like it was me dating a friend, we never fought we never argued. I think when we both met we wanted the same thing but im not sure its what was best for us. Also to further explain we dated our sex life was pretty dry and we never took spontaneous vacations. Looking back now i literally ask WHY!? why did i love this person so much but feel so distant!? it was blinding.

did anyone else go through this? like she was your absolute best friend but it felt off and do you think you could of done something differently?

The separation isn’t mutual. I initiated it. We share a child, a daughter 19m. Been together 7 years, married for four. He’s cheated on me, I’ve left four times already. Gaslighting, DARVO, the works. Even the couples counsellor couldn’t cope with him and said it’s not going to work and turned her attention to helping me.

Once I made the decision to leave and made arrangements oh my god. He’s the most pathetic, pedantic, controlling, demeaning person I’ve ever met. It is a wonder I married him. I was in the church and brainwashed and had the whole forgiveness mentality.

He’s shown his true colours. He’s never respected me, not even as the mother of his child. And every day is excruciating frustration, angry tears and he’s just chipping away at me. All he does is yap yap yap about change but I never see it.

My friends hate him. Literally loathe him.

How do you cope? How do you cope at the start when your ex is being difficult as fuck? I’m in tears every day and he’s not even living here. Just texting me bullshit, going back on plans we agreed on, making me spell out highly specific things to the real estate agent, just controlling every fucking aspect of my life.

Context: We were together from the ages of 16-33 (we are both currently 42). We had a very amicable divorce 10 years ago, and continued to be friends after. He had moved back to our home state after the divorce, and I kept our 3 kids (now 22F, 20F, 18M).

When his brother unexpectedly passed away in 2018 I was the first person he called. Of course I was going to our home state for the funeral as I needed to be there for me - the man had been a brother to me for 18 years - my kids needed to be there, and I wanted to be there for my ex. So in the middle of summer we drove 10+ hours back home while I was 7 months pregnant (by my second husband who was very understanding of the situation). I literally had no ankles by the time we got there. At the funeral I held him in my arms while he cried. While giving a speech he got so choked up he couldn’t speak and looked to me. I gave him the same reassuring look I had for the last 18 years when he was struggling, he got through it, and came back to my arms.

He met his new wife about 7 years ago. He has changed so much. I couldn’t tell you the last time any of our kids talked to him. His best friend of 25+ years said he’s barely an acquaintance at this point. Our friend group all feels like he’s a different person since meeting her, and not in a good way. I knew our relationship would change, but we stopped talking unless something was going on with one of the kids. The last time I saw him was when we took our huge family (including our new spouses and stepkids) to a big planetarium for a day in 2023.

Now onto my actual question. Over the weekend his wife posted pictures from an event they went to. My daughter showed me because she was concerned. I didn’t even recognize him. He looks awful. He looked like he hadn’t showered in a week (this man would take 45 minute showers twice a day, and even fall asleep in the shower), his clothes were fitting weird, his hair was just a mess, and his half-assed smile looked so forced. He looked worse than when his mom or brother passed. On the other hand his wife looked incredible. Freshly dyed hair, nice outfit with matching accessories.

My kids are so worried about him. I’m worried about him. My bestie (who is married to his aforementioned best friend) is worried about him. My kids have asked me to check in on him, but I don’t know that that is my place anymore, despite my concern. They think if he does talk to me he may be more open than he would be with them, as he’s never been open with them about his feelings. Should I check on him? Would it be weird or inappropriate?

I’m getting a divorce. Super high COL area. Husband makes close to $400k annual and also owns shares in a company that are around $9m. I’ve been the source of childcare and taking care of the house for 6 years. I used to work but after kids my income just didn’t matter as much as having one of us stay home. We also own our place and a few rental properties nearby. Total net worth just under $12m.

I’m very torn on what to do. I know that if lawyers got involved they would have us fighting for 50%. I don’t need to walk out of here with $6m to my name. I also don’t want to be the greedy wife who made out like a bandit during divorce… but I’m leaving here without a job in a HCOL area and my old industry isn’t around here. I don’t want to move my kid away he has friends and a great school.

I’ve considered just throwing a number like “maybe I deserve 20%” or “maybe I should get child support and an equal share of this and this but not this.” I want to go back to school to finish a degree after this and go back to work- I’m not using this for a free ride. I don’t know if I’ll regret pushing for a certain amount or if I’ll turn around someday and say “purely on legal grounds I deserved 50/50 why didn’t I push for that as ‘fair’”

I am going to call a lawyer tomorrow but I worry that they will just be pushing the most aggressive and expensive path. I don’t hate my spouse I just want out of our mess.

Any advice? What would you do? If you divorced a high net worth partner what happened?

Hi everyone! I'm going through a divorce in California and representing myself.
We were married for 2 years, no kids or shared assets, and he makes about 60% more than me. I filed for divorce in December 2025 after finding out he was cheating with his young coworker.

During our marriage, I had knee surgery covered by his employer's insurance. In May 2026, while our divorce was still pending, he removed me from his health insurance without notifying me. I only found out when I showed up for a medical appointment and was told my coverage was inactive.

I've since lost access to my surgeon and have had to pay additional medical expenses.
I didn't initially request spousal support but left the option open. Our divorce is close to being finalized, and we have a court conference coming up.

My questions:
1. Was he legally allowed to cancel my insurance while we're still married and the divorce is pending?
2. Can I request reimbursement for medical expenses or ask for spousal support now?
3. Is there anything I can do before our upcoming court conference?
I've handled all the paperwork myself and would really appreciate any advice, especially from California family law attorneys or anyone who's been through something similar. Thank you!

I (30F) am recently divorced (no kids) and am thinking about dipping my toes back into the dating world soon, but I am carrying an overwhelming amount of anxiety and shame about my past. I’m wondering how men in their 30s will view my history, or if I’m overthinking this.

Years ago, when my ex-husband and I first met, we agreed about 3 weeks into meeting each other to be "intimately exclusive" (we had sex within the first two weeks of meeting each other), but said we could still see other people. Around a week later, I messed up and broke that intimacy agreement with someone else. I was 24 at the time and around the time I met my now ex-husband and was just starting to date for the first real time. I was a virgin prior to meeting him.  

I felt absolutely terrible and told him the truth immediately. We talked through it, made up, and through that, made the relationship official. We went on to get married and were together for a little over 5 years. Our recent divorce was for entirely separate, unrelated reasons. After a few years and into our marriage, he became repeatedly physically abusive towards me and I just couldn’t take it anymore, so I filed for divorce. A separate issue but I feel like I blame myself for this- thinking that if I wouldn’t have cheated at the beginning, that he wouldn’t have consistently physically abused me later on in the relationship and into our marriage.

Even though my cheating happened at the starting point of our relationship and my now ex-husband forgave me at the time, I have been holding onto this intense shame about it. Now that I'm thinking about dating new people, the guilt is coming back fast.

My questions for the community:

1. If a new partner directly asks me if I've ever cheated or how my last relationship ended, how should I handle it?
2. Should I voluntarily tell someone I start dating this story even if they don’t ask directly if I’ve ever cheated? If so, when should I tell them?
3. Honestly, how many men in their 30s will view being divorced + having this horrible mistake in my past as an automatic deal-breaker? Is this a standard dating regret for people our age, or does this make me "un-dateable”?

I’ve really worked on myself in the last six years. I want to be a safe, honest partner moving forward (and I want that in someone else too) but I'm terrified that my past has ruined my chances of ever finding love again. Thank you in advance for your honesty.

Has anyones partner refused to get a solicitor and how did that work out?

Has anyone offset the house with their partners pension? So that you remain in the house and they keep their pension?

And for those who were granted the house, did your partner refuse to go and what happened there?

Thank you

My kids told be she is sick and it made me sad for her. I just want take care of her. Comfort her and make sure she gets better.

But I cant even msg her to see how she's doing or to see of she needs anything.

This is one of those after divorce things you never think about.

I am so sad, broken hearted, confused, and exhàusted. I (61F) married my husband (59 M) approximately 16 months ago. I will admit I allowed myself to marry him after only dating him a few months but, I was not in a healthy mental state having been violently sexually assaulted a few months prior to meeting him. I did disclose this to him early on because I was planning on selling my house, moving in with my son (42) and his family to Texas, and retire. However, I allowed him to convince me to give him a chance. He told me he would, "provide for me and love me like I'd never been loved!" He stated I didn't have to work and that he would provide. He is a blue collar worker who makes decent money and reports he enjoys his job. I am a clinical social worker and have been for approximately 30 years. By the time I was assaulted I had already developed burnout from working with clients who themselves had histories of significant trauma. Therefore, my own trauma made it impossible for me to work after the assault so, I took a chance on love, opened my heart and fell in love with him. We are very different people but thats ok with me. Please allow me to explain a bi. I am what many people consider very pretty. All my life I've been told I was beautiful and that's a blessing but to me looks are unimportant and transitory. But to my husband my looks ate very important and he expresses a great deal of pride about having, "a beautiful wife." I don't care about looks. I am not superficial or materialistic. I have a cute, small home in a middle class neighborhood. I also have a Master's Degree. I am a painfully organized, virgo that keeps an immaculate home although I don't expect others to adhere to my obsessive habits. I'm good with maintaining the home. I love to cook and am considered a very good cook having learned from my cajun family. As previously stated I've worked as a clinical social worker specializing in trauma and mental health for nearly 30 years. I'm confident and caring. Of these things I am sure but, when I was assaulted it shook me to my core and my cognitions were impaired and I had to take FMLA for several months. That's when I met my husband. He is from Scotland. He is very playful, silly, kind, a great lover, very skilled with knowing how to fix anything and when he sets his mind to something he does it to the best of his ability but, he is also an alcoholic. I didn't notice when we were dating because we didn't live together and when we would have a cocktail I rarely saw him drink more than a few beers. He's the kind of person that he gets more plaful, silly, and kind when he drinks so I did not have a great deal of worries regarding this. He had been married to a sweet lady for more than 20 years and she died approximately 3 years prior to us meeting. She died from complications from diabetes caused by morbid obesity. They had 1 child (26 M) who is a nice young man.I thought since he was obviously able to have a long marriage and begged for me to marry him he wouldnt have any commitment problems. What should be noted is we were both children of profound child abuse. I started therapy at 19 after my baby was born to break the cycle of abuse and addiction so my child didn't not have to cope with this. My history and healing is what led me to earn my Masters Degree and become a clinician. I've had the honor and privilege to empower many people to heal their lives and I'm proud of my work. I am also a devout Christian. But I am not into preaching, judging,or recruiting others to believe what I believe. I'm secure in my faith. It works for me but, I feel that faith is like politics. It is personal, private, and a journey we all have to decide for ourselves what feels best. My husband is Atheist which is his right and I'm not invested in his personal journey with his faith. My husband also doesn't believe in therapy. And he has never engaged in any kind of therapy.That's his right. My husband was diagnosed with Leukemia 2 weeks after we got married and his doctor told him not to drink more than 7 alcohol beverages a week. Well that is not possible for my husband. He drinks 7 within a 2 day period if not more. Again, he is an adult, he works, it's his decision how he wants to handle his health. I will not become his mother or therapist and require him to change or fix him. He is at least 50 pounds over weight which I don't care about but, he has a diagnosed heart condition for which he takes medicàtion. He also vapes and uses a nebulizeras he has asthma. My husband is not what you would call good looking. He often ask what I "see in him." He says he looks like "quazimoto" That is bullshit to me. I am very attracted to him and to me he is handsome. We are typically very happy together, have a great sexual relationship, and rarely argue. We are very playful together. However, approximately every 3 months my husband gets upset and literally moves out without explination or communication only to return a few months later with promises to change and swearing his undying love for me. I always take him back because I love him and he makes me happy. Shortly after we were married I had to go back to work and although I was bummed I understood and I have found a minimal stressful position so that's fine. Due to his pattern of getting close then running away its easy to know he is a classic Dismissive Avoidant. I clearly know it's from his childhood trauma so, I am forgiving and accepting and allow him to come back. I also realized shortly after we married that my husband has narcissistic traits specifically he talks about his day, his thoughts, his feelings, his experiences but never acknowledges those aspects of my life. He never ask how I am or how was my day. I learned to be ok with that. Early on I realized he couldn't handle "deep" conversations or deep emotions and frankly after listening to people vent their suffering all day I accepted his behavior as a freshing break and truly learned to be ok with the disparaging difference regarding our communication and support styles. Ok, now onto the straw that broke the camels back. This past Wednesday and Thursday I had a bought of insomnia where I literally didn't sleep for 2 days. This has never happened to me before and by Friday I was clearly not well. I was lethargic and weak. I don't work Friday's therefore, I didnt panic as I believed I just needed to rest and practice self care. My husband came home Friday and was agitated from some interactions with peers on his job. So he sits on the sofa and starts having a beer and begins telling me about his peer interactions at work which he shares through "humorous" stories but I know it's passive aggressive anger (his tone was loud and aggressive) and I typically just laugh and tell him his so funny. However, on this evening I felt so bad I just said I was sorry but I needed to rest and I wasn't feeling well. After lying down for a lil bit I sent him a text message from my bedroom to him in the living room asking him if he could please heat me up some soup. I had made some homemade potato soup earlier that day that was still on the stove. Now typically my husband loves to do anything I ask him. But on this evening when he got the text message he yelled, "Can't you come in here and talk to me?" Then he hollars, "IGNORE!""referring to my text and I hear him delete my text. I didn't get angry. I just got up and began heating me up some soup. He starts talking rapidly and aggressively about why didnt I "just ask him" I really refused to engage because I was weak and felt terrible but after a few minutes of his "silly, aggressive verbiage" I said, " I haven't slept in 2 days, I'm weak and feel terrible please leave me alone, please just shut up!" Then I went to bed again. The next morning I apologized for telling him to shut up but reiterated how bad I felt. Well, I thought everything was ok. I stayed in bed all day while he worked in the yard. He did not check on me at all not once but, hey I'm a big girl so I was ok with him doing whatever he needed to do. About 5 that evening he ask if I needed anything from the grocery store as he was going. I said no thank you and he left. About an hour later I get a text from him that said, "I'm done with you! Completely done! Not looking back. I'll be there tomorrow to get my things." My response was, "Ok.' Then he responds, "Brilliant. Clarity" The next day he packed all his belongings and moved out. That was Sunday. Once again he leaves over what was trivial to me without trying to talk about what was bothering him. We haven't talked since. When he does this he will refuse my calls or respond to my text. I've never been treated this way and quite frankly it's humiliating. So, today I called a realtor to sell my house. I want to be with my son and his family. They are my only family. They have a large home in Austin and a lovely home in Indonesia where my daughter in law is from. I will also make enough profit from the sell of my house that I can buy a small bungalow in Florida out right and pay off my little bills so I can retire 10 months early. The bungalow belonged to my neighbors father who died. That means I'd still have a home of my own, can spend several months of the year with my son in either Texas and/or Indonesia. As I stated earlier I love this man with my whole heart. We have a mostly loving, passionate, playful relationship but I cant keep going through this every 3 months. Imo it's mental and emotional abuse and if I had a client going through this I would empower them to break the cycle and get out. With all my knowledge, experience, and understanding my heart is still broken. I hope I'm not sounding like a victim or blaming him. I know I have had a part in our demise. I tried to be as honest as possible and I don't want anyone to think my husband is a bad man. He is not. He has a heart of gold. He is kind and I love him but I am so hurt, exhausted, confused and ashamed. I don't understand how someone who has lived a painful life can easily thow a beautiful little life away. Instead of resisting his decision I am accepting and letting go. I have to choose my own mental health and quite frankly this is so humiliating i just hope and pray I am doing what's best for me. I am open to you feedback. If I'm missing something help me to see it. Thank you for allowing me to vent.

Ok why is this a thing?
I’ve cried the most today that I have so far. Like bursting into tears. I think the last week I’ve been surviving on adrenaline and plans. This evening I have a cold. I am sad and tired. I want the person that I used to rely on for emotional support.
My support system is a bit exhausted with my messages I think. Nobody seems to lock in on the level I need.
STBX husband wronged me in a couple of ways. And I’ve spent the last week being furious / putting up boundaries, but this evening if he came over I’d be a mess.

Why is it so hard? I feel very alone. Like pulling myself up despite desperately needing someone to do that with me.

My stbxh is a despicable monster, one of the worst type of abusers. Police and children's services kicked him out of the house, investigated him but nothing went further (yet) as the victims were scared to file charges.

Now we are in the process of divorcing and over a year later, he is claiming I am being abusive, threatening, backing out of a verbal settlement agreement and his mental health has suffered because of it. All of it is lies.

He has refused to pay spousal support for 4 months (sahm for over 25 years), only child support for youngest. He suggested a solution and now has walked it back, saying he never offered. It is all in writing between solicitors so that can be refuted. But he threatens to apply for me to pay court costs if I try for interim maintenance and my lawyers are worried about the possibility of not winning.

But at this point I am so tired. His behaviour is costing me 10s of thousand in legal costs that I am having to borrow. He is the financially stronger party and everything seems to be uphill for the weaker party.

But him claiming I am abusive, probably in an effort to say I am lying about his abuse later, is getting too hard to take. I don't want to answer my lawyer anymore and I just want it to all go away. He will only agree if I only take a small part of his pension and no spousal maintenance. And I don't know what to do because it feels like he is able to keep hurting us and there is nothing we can do to stop him.

Has anyone ever had an abuser do this? Did it end well?

Recently he started comparing me to the people that he’s met. Like how they react to him, treat him… or just the genuine connection he’s made with them… things I didn’t do. My wrongs.

Then he proceeds to say that the look that I give him is of someone that’s not over him, or still inlove with him. It almost feels like a justification/validation to make himself feel better.. or move on..: closure… maybe to make him feel assured of something¿ and I just stood there not saying anything else.

I chose not to say anything like “I’m actually doing better without you” or that “I met several people after you… and currently is seeing one/planning” or something like “you’re just hallucinating.. I’m completely over you”

Then he just proceeds to compare me with others he’s seeing. And that he finally met someone who actually cared about him and made him realize how lacking I was.

He keeps telling me something like “You know what type of person I am. I prioritized you when others wanted me… I’m a high quality man… I’m a good person, welcoming.. this and that.”

And honestly… if I agree with him and say I’m happy you realize that and that I’m inept and I apologize for hurting him… his mood would change.

I chose to stay quiet. I chose not to say anything. I chose not to follow up with “I know my mistakes, what I was lacking, my problem, and my faults… but don’t think for a second I’m 100% at fault at this. I acknowledge my mistakes but you refuse to accept yours. You refused to do something about the things that bothered me for years. That’s how my love for you died”

I know that will just loop in things like “You’re bringing up the past again. It’s been years.” But he was the one who’d bring up the past.

If I say something like “So you’re allowed to cherry pick and talk about the past but I can’t because I can’t get ‘over’ it or move on?”

Then it’ll just be set of arguments… fights… bad relationship/energy/vibe.

But ultimately, he sounds like he wants to make himself think that he’s doing so much better with this divorce than I am. The fact that he’s telling me all these things and telling me that I’m not over him yet or that I’m still inlove with him… and him trying to pity me.

But I’ll let him have it.

I’m okay.

Any feedback, and advice is welcome. I’m sorry my English is not perfect. First language is English but I’m highly illiterate especially if I’m on the phone speaking my mind of things

I guess a small part of me hopes that at maybe some point in the future he will come back. That maybe once I have healed and fixed myself, he will appreciate that version of me and that I can be better. Make no mistake I'm not doing it to try get him back, I need help and I needed the catastrophic revelation.

But Im just curious if anyone has any happy stories of getting back woth their ex after the divorce

So to cut a really long and dumb story short, I, 32 f, am married to husband 48 m, with 3 boys. Meet when I was 14 and he was 21, lost contact, (you can guess, trying keep word count low) then reconnected when i was 21 and have been together ever since. Now, here's where I need your guys help, yes all of this is just from my point of view with everything.( yes, i am 100% aware im a massive dick. I own it)

So when i first got back with said guy I bought him cuddling some woman on our couch. Fast forward to us married and just fresh parents. He moves said girl into our house. I was convinced that my animosity towards her was pregnancy hormones, nah I was wrong. We almost divorced, I cought him and her staying together at his brother's. (He claimed nothing happened, my mom SEEN them in bed together. Claimed they were "just sleeping").

Now girls gone and we now have 3 boys. We fight, like normal couples but recently its gotten worse. The beginning of the year he lost his job so all bills fell onto me. He got depressed cause no one wanted to hire him cause of his back ground, I get it, that has to suck. Well he gave up on taking care of the house. Then he decided to make money from streaming his games, kewl. But that turned into him staying up all night and sleep all day. So the house got neglected. Yes, I tried to keep up with house work, but im shit at it.

Well with him staying up all night, I would go to bed alone and the only time he was be in the same bed as me at the time was for...well spicy time, in the great words of Charlotte. Then would leave and go game. Well after a few months of this I decided I wanted to separate, so I left to stay at a friend's spare apartment. (Here's where I KNOW a dick.) I started an emotional affair with a friend of mine. I would vent about my situation and he would do the same.

Only after a week of staying at the apartment, I had to leave. (I didn't want to but they needed the apartment) so I had to go back to the house. Well he found out about the guy and lost it. Now whenever we fight dude get brought into it. He has a job now and well I've been contemplating divorce for a long while but he keeps talking me out of it. Just recently I've closed out my retirement account and am thinking of using it to file for divorce Should I try and continue to make this marriage work??

And I know he's on reddit and may see this, hi babe. You asked if we should ask reddit.

I’m 25F he is 26M. We have a 2.5 y/o. Dating for 11 years married for 3. I’ve been contemplating leaving on and off for about 4 years. At the time We were having a huge fight including different ideas of what we wanted for our future, kids, sex, and a bunch of smaller things. That fight resulted in basically a shut up wedding after getting pregnant.

Forward to now. We are obviously married with a kid. But the issue I’m having is that the sex part has not just come back but gotten worse. We haven’t had any kind of intimacy since may( 5 months ago). a couple of weeks ago we went to a wedding that we were invited to. The baby was staying with his parents for the night and we didn’t have to get him immediately the next day. I was getting ready that morning and had started my period early. I was bummed and told him. His response was “ it’s not like we were going to have sex anyway”. He said it in a tone like the thought of having sex with me disgusted him.

I know sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship but I don’t think I can continue to be in a sexless marriage. He has, in the past, refused to go to counseling with me. So I can’t see him wanting to now.

His parents are taking our kid this weekend for 5 days. I’ve been toying with the idea of talking to him and telling him that I want to leave while they’re gone. But should I leave?