Has anyone out there, as a non custodial, ever wanted custody but the ex deny it and deny 50/50 , make things high conflict yet at every chance she can get, offer the kids to you as much as she can without allowing you to get any support back or any room for modification.

My ex has 65/35. Has final say in all 4 , has a clause where if sje doesnt override me (she always does ) then after 3 days of no.reply from me she gets to make the choice anyways.

Like why smear me then offer me so much off the record for time, why not be honest with the judge and just make it official in court ???

I just am wondering if anyone else is completely fed up with trying to navigate the court system?

I have filed multiple motions, showed up to court by myself, never received child support, I can’t afford a lawyer, and STILL the system only cares about the process and not PROTECTING my child!! The other parent has a police record of 10 years worth of narcotics abuse, prior CPS case of which he lost custody of another child, and open cases against him currently... This judge just told me that we haven’t tried hard enough to COPARENT!! How am I supposed to protect my child from this disaster?!

So as you can see I've posted here quite a bit. Long story short mom moved out of state 5 hours away tried to get full custody and denied. Was given 2nd and 4th weekend and 75 percent of school breaks and alternating holidays.

Mom is now requesting to stop weekend visitation due to work conflicts except 3 day weekends and requesting more time for the kids school breaks. It feels like a major change and I'm not sure what steps to take, if any or just agree. I work weekends so the school breaks are valuable time for our children and myself since they're off school during my regular days off. And as it is I only get like 3 weeks of breaks and 1 week holiday (xmas/Thanksgiving alternating)

It also just feels like a very large change to make without the it being in a custody order but I am also so exhausted from going to court.

Thought?

My ex is making it extremely difficult to see my kids and I don’t have the money her dad has to hire a better lawyer so she uses that to keep me away from them. The kids and I have seen each other for the last year on the expanded SPO even thought it’s not the 50/50 that we wanted its been the best I can get. My 15 year old daughter wanted more time with me this year and so had been getting me to pick her up for school twice a week and from school once a week on top of our usual visits. My ex got pretty upset about it and ended up taking me to court and accusing me of mentally abusing the children and alienating them from her and her parents. My question is my daughter asked me to pick her up from school tomorrow to hang out even when her mother tells her “ my lawyer said no”. Do you see a problem with me picking up my daughter as long as the ex doesn’t tell me straight up no. Context on how bad it’s getting my daughter wants to move in with me on a 50/50 schedule and me to have first right of refusal and the ex is blaming it on me.

Hello, My ex violated my restraining order, I have an attorney, i couldnt get ahold of her and called the police yesterday, the police forwarded charges to the da, how long will it usually take for the da to file charges if they do and how long does it usually take for them to actually end up in custody? Will it take a while? Or does it usually happen fairly quickly?

Has anyone had any experience with bringing up the kids quality of living in OP home? My kids don’t have a bed, a room, they sleep on the floor and their belongings including clothes are kept in the garage… I’ve gotten mixed responses but has anyone had any experience with raising these issues with the courts? In my home they have their own rooms and stay at dads every other weekend w no beds and belongings in garage with junk.

Hey everyone

For context- we broke up, I had to petition for paternity etc to stop her from taking our child across state lines. She ended up filing a petition to relocate anyways and lost and it cost me about 40k. I had to remove her from the home during litigation (never married), and because of this she left to another state and just recently moved back. I tried many many many times to avoid an court stuff, offered her a bunch of money to get her on her feet instead of paying a lawyer and she said no. It was basically a winner take call. I know how much my kid loves their mom and Im very glad im not in her shoes but I feel guilty, and fear resentment from my child once theyre old enough to understand.

EDIT- I have proactively offered 50/50 from the start of the case and even before which it was turned down everytime (as she wanted more) and then eventually realized she cant handle more with her schedule

I was looking at a calendar tonight and started thinking about some shit. My kid turns 6 in 3 weeks, Halloween is coming up, and both of those things fall during what would have been my “years” with her.

It got me thinking. Am I the bad guy for fighting for my daughter and winning to the point where her mom legally only sees her 4-5 days out of the month? Is there a chance my kid resents me for that one day? Im painted as a monster.

I know I could’ve been a better partner when we were together, just like her mom could’ve been better too. Maybe us not being together is ultimately for the best, but I’m thinking about my kid here.

My kids mom only has her every other weekend. Part of me wonders if I should be going above and beyond and offering to bring my child to her mom on a Wednesday for a couple of hours, then drive back, pick her up, and get her home and ready for school. That’s a lot of extra effort on my end, but am I wrong for not doing it?

The thing is, I know I wouldn’t get that same effort in return. And I keep thinking that if I were in her mom’s position, I’d be trying to fix things or at least asking if we could all do something together because I missed my daughter and wanted to see her but that hasnt happened.

I’ve honestly never thought about any of this until tonight. I was just looking at a calendar and realized how little time they actually spend together.

I fought hard for my daughter, and I believe I had my reasons. But at what point does protecting your child and doing what you believe is best turn into potentially limiting their relationship with their other parent?

I’m not asking whether I should get back with her mom or anything like that. I’m asking whether, as a father, I should be doing more to make sure Chloe has a relationship with her mom, even if her mom isn’t making the same effort herself.

I want to do what’s best for my daughter, and I’m genuinely questioning whether I’m looking at this the right way.

Then the other thing is child support...am I wrong for putting my ex on it? Financially she makes more money than me right now, by alot but she has more bills than I do. It's diffucult to work as much as Id like with the kids schedule + twice weekly appointments. She can barely get by supposedly and now has to pay, again I know she would do it to me in a second but I dont operate like that.

I dont want to come off as insensitive to all the anyone out there who got the short end of thew stick (for now), keep on fighting I just feel guilty....like a survivors type guilt. I was used to always putting myself last. Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Noone ever "wins" here and the kids always lose.

So it's been a while and my custody issues have simmered down after final ruling but from everything I've read when it comes to one partent moving I feel like what was rules isnt normal. Mom moved to another state 5 hours away. They ruled for myself to be custodial parent. Prior temp rulings and mediation reports had the mother doing all travel and split vacations from school 5050. The new order orders me to meet halfway and if I can't due to work (she doesnt work) I must reimburse gas cost. She also got majority of school break. About 75/25 for summer and 2nd and 4th weekend which she has continued to miss about half of them. At the end of the trial the judge even told her if she would like it reviewed again she must complete the court order co parenting classes and review after that. Like what?

Im very happy with custodial parent because I beleive its best for our children but from what I read and was told is that moving parents have the burden of transport since they decided to move. And other temp orders and mediation reports giving 5050 split through school breaks. Felt like the judge wasnt really fair with all facts considered. (Mutliple months of children being withheld from me and multiple failed restraining orders holding no merit.)

Brother and his ex are separating and his ex is not wanting to do 50/50 custody until my nephew (2) goes into elementary school. At the moment they plan to ride out the rest of their lease together, but once it’s done she is proposing one day a week and every other weekend for my brother.
He is a very present father and is wanting 50/50 custody. Her argument is that her mom and sister watch their son during the week while they’re at work and she isn’t interested in him being put in daycare during the days my brother would have him. She’s claiming it’s her set up and he can’t use them.
Is this a solid argument? Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Hi, I’m a 17 year old and lately my dad has been forcing me and my brother (16) to go see my mom who has had zero custody of us since I was about 12 years old. He’s been saying that she’s going to call the police on him if we don’t and that we are legally required to despite the fact that she has zero custody of us. I’m just wondering if I actually have to go see her and if there’s anything I can do to not go see her.

My husband struggles with addiction, I recently found drugs in his truck and that was it for me. We live with his mom. After an incident last week he has been living in a tent behind the house.

I had noticed him come in super messed up and so when he was nodding off I went to his truck and found them hidden away. He isn’t as far gone as his last relapse (which was fet and meth), and technically what I found were both legally obtainable (one of them was 7oh which is basically a synthetic opioid that is becoming less legal and the other was a “research chemical” that equates to benzodiazepines, so essentially Xanax which he has abused before). This time instead of confronting him- I said nothing. Then the next morning I called his probation officer. He was called in for a test. I don’t actually know the results but from what he says he “passed”. He believed I betrayed him, I believe I was putting our daughter first and was tired of lie after lie. His brother who also lives on the property continues to use drugs and my husband was “holding it for him” and decided to use some. Only a few days later his brother was arrested for possession of dangerous drugs and paraphernalia, which I have reason to believe is either meth or fentanyl.

Basically, even though I hope one day he will clean up his act and we can reconcile things- enough is enough and separation is necessary for our daughter and for my sanity. So that is what I am doing.

I am desperately struggling to get out of the house, being that I only work so little and I have zero financial help from my husband (he has been working for I think 8 months and has never put a penny towards food or diapers or anything regarding me or my daughter. I literally even pay him gas money to take me to work)

So I applied for low income housing and some friends may be able to move into a two bedroom with me I am viewing places Monday. His mom is great and I trust her and thank god she is willing to watch our daughter while I work (only able to for 15-20 hours a week). So far he has been spending time with her while his mom watches her (so basically supervised visits via his mom without it being court ordered). His mom has promised me that she wouldn’t let him hang around if he was impaired and so far he seems to respect that, from what I can tell.

If I thought the courts would take me seriously I would have already gone to try for temporary emergency custody, but I don’t think they would see a point if I still live with him. So the second I get a new lease in my hands that is my intention.

I know things differ state by state, I am in Arizona. But even if you live in a different state, I would love any and all advice.

I live in a small town so I don’t have the same resources that are often available in bigger cities. I don’t think I’ll be able to get a lawyer to help me.

Any advice or stories about your own experiences would be helpful. Thank you

First and foremost, I want to say that I am not trying to cut my children's father out of their life. I'm very much for default 50/50. However, lately, their dad has been struggling. My divorce and SPP is in Warren County. My ex is a Veteran who has been granted 100% Permanent Total for mental health and "Drug Use." He has replaced heroin with high doses of methadone and medical marijuana. A Guardian ad Litem was assigned (I requested) after I requested modification of time. He's been struggling immensely and the "signs" are all there. For example, he's run out of gas with the children in the car because he'll only put $10 in at a time; he can't afford clothing or food despite living with his mother with zero bills and a guaranteed $5,500 per month check. He can't remember any of our conversations. The children call it "medicine" and he's always driving them to clinics and dispensaries. His girlfriend gets so whacked she speaks gibberish. The house is filthy. ANYWAY, SO FAR, the Court does not seem to show any concern because the "medication" is prescribed. Its like, they're waiting for him to get into an accident before anyone cares.

I feel so helpless. Anyone out there been through anything similar?

I'm looking for advice, especially from anyone familiar with Washington family law, high-conflict co-parenting, or neurodivergent children.

Background:

I have a 12-year-old daughter with autism, ADHD, and anxiety. Her biological father and I have been separated for years, and she has primarily lived with me. He started seeing her when she was around 2.5 years old.

We have a child-support order but no court-ordered parenting plan and we were never married. We've followed an informal schedule for years: alternating weekends during the school year, alternating weeks during summer, and shared holidays.

What's happening:

Over time, my daughter has increasingly refused visits with her father. She's expressed feeling unheard, having her concerns minimized, and being uncomfortable communicating certain issues with him and his wife. There has also been some level of medical neglect and not acknowledging her diagnoses.

I've consistently encouraged her to go and maintain relationships with that side of her family. I've also made it clear to her father that I'm not preventing phone calls, texts, shorter outings, or other opportunities to reconnect.

I suggested my daughter write down her concerns because she struggles to communicate when overwhelmed. My goal was to give the adults information to help repair the relationship, not make a 12-year-old responsible for deciding whether she sees her father.

Her father disagrees. He believes allowing her to refuse visits gives her control over adult decisions and constitutes parental alienation.

The situation changed after therapy:

Because her refusal continued, I arranged therapy.

At her first appointment, she chose to speak privately with the therapist and disclosed serious mental-health and safety concerns that we hadn't fully understood before. These concerns aren't exclusive to either household, and I've acknowledged changes I need to make in my own home as well.

A safety plan was developed, and treatment is continuing.

During the appointment, I understood the therapist to recommend temporarily pausing visits while my daughter becomes more psychologically stable.

I followed up in writing. The therapist discussed communicating a temporary pause due to difficulty managing transitions, school adjustments, and emotional overload. For transparency, she did not explicitly restate the recommendation in writing.

My daughter also requested privacy regarding her therapy discussions. I'm trying to respect that while seeking guidance about what safety-related information her father needs to know.

Her father's response:

I explained that I intended to temporarily pause regular visits while she stabilizes, but that I wasn't preventing contact or trying to permanently end their relationship.

He accused me of parental alienation, claimed he automatically has 50/50 rights because there's no parenting plan, and initially accused me of lying about her attending therapy.

I've since provided appointment confirmation and the therapist's name.

He has now stated that he intends to come pick her up next week regardless.

I'm concerned that a confrontation or forced exchange could significantly worsen her emotional distress and further damage their relationship.

Where I stand:

I don't believe a 12-year-old should be solely responsible for deciding whether she maintains a relationship with a parent. However, I also don't believe ignoring her concerns or forcing the previous routine without addressing the underlying issues is healthy.

I'm following the safety plan, continuing therapy, documenting communications, and seeking legal advice.

I want her to have a healthy relationship with her father and siblings in both households. I just want to approach it in a way that protects her mental health.

My questions:

In Washington, how does this work when there's an established informal visitation schedule but no court-ordered parenting plan?

Could temporarily pausing visits for legitimate mental-health concerns, while encouraging other contact, be considered parental alienation?

How would you handle a parent insisting on picking up a child who is experiencing significant psychological distress?

How do you balance a child's therapeutic privacy with the other parent's right to know about serious safety concerns?

Am I missing something or approaching any part of this incorrectly?

I'm genuinely looking for balanced feedback, not just validation. I want to protect my daughter, respect both parents' responsibilities, and avoid making an already difficult situation worse. I am also actively setting up consults a lawyer.

Is this graduation of custody potentially harmful to my LO?

I genuinely just want my son to be secure and healthy. I need any information out there from professionals related to this matter. Unfortunately, most information I have found is focused on older children.

Also, if there are any known specialists I could get in touch with for consulting please DM me the info.

Thank you

In a couple weeks the temporary custody order will take place and this is what the father is requesting... The thought of my would be 7 mo. old (currently almost 3 mo. old) having three consecutive nights away is shocking. I cannot see how he could be considering what is in the child’s best interest.

Phase 1: (to last 1-month) Father should exercise custody each week on Fridays from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. and Saturdays from 9:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.

Phase 2: (to last 1-month) Father should exercise custody each week on Fridays from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. and Saturdays from 9:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m.

Phase 3: (to last 2-months) Father should exercise custody Fridays at 9:00 a.m. to Sundays at 7:00 p.m.

Phase 4: (until further order of the Court) Father should exercise custody Thursdays at 9:00 a.m. to Sunday at 9:00 a.m.

Apologies in advance for the long post, but I think some background is necessary.

I’m a father of two boys, with my oldest about to turn 13. Their mother and I separated over six years ago. I have primary custody and full decision-making authority, and over the years, their mother has had extended periods of no visitation or supervised visitation, including professional supervision.

One thing I’ve been very deliberate about is never discussing their mother, our divorce, or the court proceedings with my boys. I don’t speak negatively about her or even bring her up. If they mention her, I acknowledge it and move on. Occasionally, I’ll correct something factually incorrect they’ve been told, but that’s extremely rare.

I can’t actually say exactly what he believes because we never discuss, but there are signs of things, such as when I bought him a laptop for school. all of a sudden he stopped using it when their mom followed us to a new state and he had more parenting time with her. He mentioned something about me having access to it. True, he’s was 11/12 last year but it was a normal how he felt. And there are other things as such that come from him that clearly his mom is still speaking to him as she shouldn’t be and to manipulate.

Unfortunately, their mother has spent years making serious allegations against me, including claims that I physically beat my oldest son, sexually abuse him, and even drug him at night to abuse him. She made these allegations to doctors, CPS, police, and the courts. I have messages she sent to a detective making these claims.

My son has been subjected to invasive medical examinations because of these allegations, sometimes on consecutive days. Both boys underwent forensic interviews, and the allegations were never substantiated. I’ve never physically or sexually abused either of them.

She has also repeatedly accused me of physically abusing her, which I have never done. Her repeated litigation eventually resulted in an abusive-use-of-litigation order against her. She’s also sued numerous people involved in our case, including attorneys, judges, police, prosecutors, and even the GAL, who initially recommended she receive primary custody before eventually changing his recommendation because of her conduct.

My concern is that my oldest son appears to believe many of the things his mother has told him. We have a good relationship, but he sometimes treats me as though I’m the bad guy and refuses to believe even ordinary things I tell him. I believe years of manipulation have contributed to that distrust.

A couple of therapists who have worked with the boys have recommended that I begin explaining some of what happened so they understand why the courts made their decisions and why their mother has had restrictions on seeing them.

I’m extremely uncomfortable with this. I’ve spent six years keeping the boys out of adult conflicts, and I don’t want to suddenly start telling them terrible things about their mother. But I also wonder whether my silence has allowed them to believe a one-sided version of events.

I always assumed that as they grew older, they’d eventually figure things out themselves. However, I’m increasingly concerned about how this is affecting my oldest son right now.

How do you explain to a nearly 13-year-old that his mother made repeated allegations of sexual and physical abuse against his father, including allegations involving him personally? Should he even know those details at this age?

I’m also mindful that parenting plans often restrict discussions of litigation with children, so that’s another consideration.
I’m not trying to turn my boys against their mother. I want them to love both parents. But I also want them to understand that the courts had reasons for their decisions and that I’m not the person they’ve sometimes been led to believe I am.

For anyone who’s been through something similar, especially parents, therapists, or adults who experienced this as children, when and how did you have these conversations? Did you involve a therapist, and looking back, do you think it helped?

Ex wife and I have a pretty rough divorce and it's still spiraling down. Right now under temp I have expanded visitation and she has all the rights. Medical, education, and psych. She is also my oldest teen kid's teacher. (Nightmare trying to get information about my son as the teachers just speak to her in the hallway and it doesn't make it back to me until I email or see in person) Other children are toddlers.

Started with drug and alcohol abuse claims and has kinda gone downhill from there as my drug test was clean and I scored a 37 on alcohol PeTH test. (200 or more is considered the heavy drinking threshold) It's transitioned to I am intimidating and letting an "unknown" woman bathe my kids. Responses to me are annoyingly long. I once complained about her third party drop off being 20 mins late. I got a 16! Paragraph response.

Lawyer is pretty adamant about not getting 50/50 if we can't get along but I honestly just apply the BIFF method to her very long and self glowing messages that also manage to make it seem like me being involved is a new phenomenon. We have a custody evaluation going and she writes to the evaluator weekly through messages to me. Almost no communication comes from her unless she is asking me for money or to pay for an extracurricular. I pay CS and honestly it's a lot. Like 10s of thousands. I've offered full CS and all I want is equal parenting time which my lawyer says is the dumbest thing I can do lol.

She's done things like hide where the kids are being kept during the day and forge paperwork when my daughter was scheduled to go under IV sedation. I also don't get notifications when Doctor appointments are booked. I have to call all places myself monthly to stay informed. She even said I had to get her permission for signing my kids up for after school programs on my time cause she truly just wants control I feel like.

She withheld the kids before we got temp orders, now she just kinda chooses when she allows the phone calls with the kids. I get two a week and Mondays on my off weeks by the orders.

Has anyone heard of being able to get equal parenting time when the other parent is the high conflict one and the one with less rights is just attempting to be apart of the kids' life?

I share 50/50 custody (2-5-5-2, alternating weekends) of my 3 elementary aged kids with my ex. They’ve signed our 8 year old up for tee-ball where practices are during their time but games are every weekend for 4 months. Ex has asked me if I would be willing to take our child to these games on my weekends. Before I state my reasons for balking, I will say that my child has expressed to me several times that they do not want to go to the games during my weekends because they want to spend the time with me. They feel pretty lukewarm about this sport as their dad signed them up.
I would normally state to them the importance of commitment, but there are a couple issues on my side:
- These games are 45 minutes-1 hour away, one way. I legitimately cannot afford the gas. I was ordered to pay child support despite the cost of living and the fact that I have to use a food bank to keep food on the table. He lives with his parents rent-free with minimal bills. (The northern CA court system is whack and he had a high-powered nasty lawyer).
- He’s ignored my pleas to effectively co-parent, so I am doing everything in my power with what little I have to keep things in the best interest of the kids.
How have you gone about these things? I can’t quite find the words to say in my message reply that would not be twisted into me being difficult or spiteful. (Enter high-powered lawyer again if him and his mom try to modify anything again). I’m just so tired from this, it’s hard to think some days and this is one of them. Happy to take any advice or hear experiences, but please don’t ream me too much. Trying to keep my head up :) Thank you!

I’m an Army veteran and a father with an active custody and visitation case in Sullivan County, Tennessee. I’m preparing for mediation and hoping to hear from dads who have been through Tennessee family court, especially veterans who have worked toward more consistent parenting time with their daughter. If you’ve dealt with mediation, supervised visitation, or a gradual schedule increase, what helped you stay organized and focused on your child? I’m looking for peer experience, not legal advice about my specific case

1 child - 8 years old.

Redoing my original settlement agreement proposal because we’re going to mediation and probably court and I need to figure out my negotiable and non-negotiables.

What do you wish you had done differently? What have you learned since? And what are you glad was in yours?

Thanks

SC is not a default 50/50 state but I’ve heard it’s leaning that way. Have you ever heard of someone wanting 50/50 but didn’t get it? If so, was it mom or dad? And what were the reasons? Bonus for giving the name of the state.

Location: PA and NY

Hi I have a question I filed a paternity petition back in may this year. just did the DNA test in September and got the results on the 28th of September. had a court date for tomorrow that was rescheduled to the 16th for the results/child support. I think he might file for visitation. The case is in NY I moved to PA in August and I want to know how would visit even work the baby is 5 months old and we are 3 hours from where I used to live. Also the courts can’t make me move back to NYS can they ?

[DE] primary parent is homeless and lives in an inappropriate housing (judge’s words). Judge has volunteered 80 YO grandparent’s primary residence for teen to live. Grandparent has repeatedly asked to be free of this burden due to health. Primary parent has not seen the teen not more than once since September 16th, 2026. Is there anyone I can contact to draw light to this situation?