I love to take 2 Benadryl and essentially sedate myself to sleep. Nothing beats it.

Probably because I hate my life

I exercise 3x a week, i go to work, i help my mom financially, my house is always clean and i go on walks in nature at least once a week. I tried antidepressants, therapy, vitamins. I have a fiancé. I have friends. I have a family that loves me. The only thing that’s « wrong » in my life is that i can’t find a job in my field so as of rn i’m stuck in a low paying student job. But otherwise, i don’t have huge problems. I’m not sick, i have a roof, i have food. But i still wish i was never born. I don’t even know why i feel so much pain everyday. Atp I have the urge to drink alcohol just to stop thinking (i’m not alcoholic i drink like twice a year but lately that’s all i want to do)

I just think that at this point things will not get better for me or the world just in general. I just dont know what to expect in the future, probably the worst or that ill end up living a mediocre life.

I wish i could end it all but im just weak to do it and theres still some people in my life that i would hurt if i do that. Maybe is too early for that i guess, im tired.

i hate the fact i was chronically bullied for so long now i have this stupid ass disorder called social anxiety which prevents me from living a normal life. and when i say it’s that bad, yes i mean it it’s THAT BAD. it has entirely ruined every single aspect of my fucking life for 6 years straight and i fear it can be forever permanent. the fact that i can’t make a single fucking friend, stand up for myself, order without stuttering, make eye contact, etc has made me wish that i could’ve just done something about it when i was getting bullied years ago. bullying ruined my whole fucking self concept and happiness, life was never so miserable. now i’m insecure every single day hating on ppl with family and friends wishing i can live a life that was built for me. but ofc nothings in my favor.

I (43M) look back at myself all the way to being a small child and realise there’s been something wrong with me from birth.

I’ve been emotionally unstable, unfocused, weird, cowardly, antisocial and dumb, from day 1. My siblings are normal productive successful individuals, I keep blaming the world around me but the harder truth to accept is that I am just poorly designed, possibly a borderline individual.

I don’t have the will to end it. I’ve hoped every night for as long as I can remember, that I pass away in my sleep, christ, what a mess I am in.

I don’t matter. I can’t be here anymore.

My depression is coming back with a vengeance this time. I'm older and uglier and lonely as ever. I can't make ends meet. I hate myself. Food tastes bad. I wish I could sleep forever.

Idk everyday I think abt it but I can’t because of my religion

My life is built meticulously piece by piece to be perfect. My two babies are beautiful and smart and silly. We have a house and just finished the basement and got solar. My job is interesting and challenging and makes the world a better place. I have two sweet kitties who love to snuggle and sit on laps and purr. I own supplies for 10 different hobbies and I spend my time making things.

Everything I built was designed to make me happy, but I'm not, and I really thought once I got here I would get better.

I just want to feel okay again

23M soon 24

I Don't want to eat drink walk talk run

I don't want to do anything.

I just want to sleep.

No friend no job no interest no goals in life there is nothing I want to achieve in life.

i feel like being on reddit has made me worse mentally. i came here to try to talk to people about my sexual trauma because i can’t afford a therapist and i know reddit has a lot of support groups. i’ve been messaged and harassed by so many disgusting men that i don’t feel like a human being anymore. my entire life i’ve been assaulted, raped, everything. i can’t take it anymore, i feel like a joke

i was assaulted the other night and the way i’m coping with it feels disgusting, is this a normal reaction? is something wrong with me

I keep complaining and crying and crying every damn night, begging my body to just give up on me on its own. But I know deep down it can't hear me or care. My hair is falling, my head hurts, my chest feels so heavy, and there's nothing I can do. This is a type of pain that nobody can see, so people don't care. But it hurts so much. I don't want to be alive anymore. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. I want to die. But I am scared to kill myself. I've lived like this for years now, just hoping I die. Unhealthy food. Bad sleep patterns. Overconsuming meds. I'm tired. I just need to end it on my own. This healthy body can't die without interference.

like what bruh?

just eat work shit sleep repeat?

wtff

no ty

fuh ts

I'm 27yo and still a virgin. I'm in a different country pursuing my master's and I can't speak their language proficiently. Which is why I don't have any friends as well. On top of that I started shaving my head since I was having a lot of hairfall.

Unfortunately I'm still unable to accept my bald look. Everyday I get this depressive feeling in my brain when I see a group of friends or even couples. I do go to the gym and even a running club but nobody really tries to initiate a convo with me. I try to initiate sometimes but the convo fizzles out after 5 mins. I think it's the sexual frustration that's getting to me. I sometimes go on hikes to clear my mind off. I haven't cried in a long time but I can see it coming.

The only good thing in my life right now is that I got a student job at a very good company, they pay off very well. That extra income allows me to buy clothes, shoes etc but even they provide only short term happiness. I don't have the courage or the means to take my life but do hope I get a heart attack one day while I'm running or sleeping so that I can leave this world.

I have health issues and live with severe debilitating pain from arthritis and multiple herniated disks. Im disabled and unable to work and behind in life due to this. I live with my parents in a house with no air conditioning that's broken down with barely and food to eat most days but atleast i have a place to stay. I lost my health insurance due to turning 26. I have begged god to heal me for years and he won't. He doesn't care that i'm hurt he wants me to suffer. My pain gets more unbearable every day. I've missed out on life. I have severe mental health issues now from all the suffering. I've been through. Everyone hates me and treats me like shit and thinks im worthless for not being able to work. My family views me as a failure.

Brothers and sisters, I am giving up the fight. (Not suicide) but the constant struggle, I have succumb to it. I no longer have hope or desire to get out of this. So I will simply just exist. I have laid down my arms.

Look, I really need some advice because I’m completely stuck. I can’t live like this anymore, but at the same time, I DON'T WANT to change anything.

I’ve been depressed since I was 11 because of a series of childhood traumas. I’ve spent half my life in this state. To give you an idea of how bad it is: I tracked my daily life for the past year — barely managed to do it, it was so hard to keep up — and scored the overall level of distress of each day. 0 means a good day, 100 means pure hell. My average score for the year is 73. I literally don’t have a single peaceful day.

Absolutely nothing brings me joy anymore, none of the things I used to love. For example, I go to workouts only because I used to dream about it in the past, but I hate it. I took a six-month break, and I still absolutely dreaded going back, and I still hate it now. Or I bought a psychology book to try and fix myself — I read exactly ONE page over the whole year, and it drained me so much that I just passed out and fell asleep right there in the chair as soon as I sat down.

I have absolutely no energy, zero. I used to go months without showering, but I barely managed to drag myself out of that extreme. Now, I only wash myself when I absolutely have to go out in public. If I don't need to see people, I can easily go a month without showering or brushing my teeth at all. It’s incredibly hard for me to even brush them once every two days when I stay home, though I’m trying my best when I have to go somewhere. It’s a constant battle.

I’ve been planning to see a doctor forever, but I’m terrified of being put on some psychiatric registry. But honestly, more than anything in the world, I’m terrified of losing this state. I don't want to let it go. I’m so exhausted, but I can’t exist without it. I’m so used to this constant nightmare. I have these hour-long breakdowns where I slide down the wall, lie on the floor, and just sob into the wall because I don't want to let it go. I literally love it. I feel like without depression, I wouldn’t even be me, and life would be too boring without daily stress.

I really need to hear from people who have been in a place where they are struggling from the pain, going weeks or months without washing, but desperately holding onto the illness and DO NOT WANT to let it go. I want to understand what you even do when you are completely against changing anything, but you can't survive like this either.

As time just keeps bolting by, things just seem to get harder and I'm not even that old yet. So much is happening at the same time and I wish I could say they're good, life already felt meaningless before, now it just feels even more that way, no one really cares honestly.

I have my reasons. FUCK YOU ALL. I HATE ALL OF YOU.

I'm 40 years old and I'm exhausted. I've exhausted my capacity as a person. I've exhausted my dreams and goals. I'm exhausting the people I love.

I'm struggling to find work. I'm struggling to maintain relationships. I used to have a great job and be in love but my mental state has declined and with it most of the good has fallen away.

I miss being useful. I miss being a lover.

It's late and I'm tired. I don't know if I'll be okay, but I will survive this no matter what. Even if I have nothing left, my defiance against this horrible decline is survival and writing so that my words survive me.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

29M - I used to be super happy and blissed out, then 3 years ago I suffered a massive loss in my life where I lost most of my life’s creative work in one go. Almost all my films got deleted from the internet / YouTube and I also lost all the backups / copies. I went through a mental health episode and deleted everything so it’s basically my fault but it’s still painful. Since this loss I’ve been extremely anxious and depressed / suicidal 24/7 and have no hope of it ever getting better. It’s such a contrast because I used to feel so good and had so much creative energy, now I can barely create anymore. Did anyone else used to be happy before long term depression kicked in? I think about how I used to feel 24/7 because I feel like if I wouldn’t have deleted everything I’d still be happy, just by deleting everything it completely screwed up my long term plan and I lost my place in YouTube history which basically crushed my childhood dream. My last post got taken down and I’m wondering if it’s because it was too long, kind of disheartening. Just mainly curious how many people have a similar story of going from being a super happy person to then suffering long term depression. I miss the person I used to be and the person I could have become if I would have never gotten depressed

I’m just ready to die. I’m tired of trying to get better. Most of my friends are sick of me, and one of my best friends just told me they wanted a break from our friendship.

I’m not trying anymore. If I die from my ED or SH so be it. I don’t care anymore. I’m ready to just die.

it's my brain,i get too tired with life's basic demands like securing internships, going to work day in day out.

people suffer but can do these like on autopilot

but somehow it feels too overwhelming for my body and mind. i would rather not exist.

Ever since i feel like ive been in a neverending ditch of hell i cant begin to think what other people go through

I cant imagine why and how depression can feel for others or how different if you dont mind can everyone open up here and there about how everything feels for you? If you're doing okay now

Hearing people go through depression for over 15+ years is scary I am so sorry everyone