I love to take 2 Benadryl and essentially sedate myself to sleep. Nothing beats it.

Probably because I hate my life

I exercise 3x a week, i go to work, i help my mom financially, my house is always clean and i go on walks in nature at least once a week. I tried antidepressants, therapy, vitamins. I have a fiancé. I have friends. I have a family that loves me. The only thing that’s « wrong » in my life is that i can’t find a job in my field so as of rn i’m stuck in a low paying student job. But otherwise, i don’t have huge problems. I’m not sick, i have a roof, i have food. But i still wish i was never born. I don’t even know why i feel so much pain everyday. Atp I have the urge to drink alcohol just to stop thinking (i’m not alcoholic i drink like twice a year but lately that’s all i want to do)

i hate the fact i was chronically bullied for so long now i have this stupid ass disorder called social anxiety which prevents me from living a normal life. and when i say it’s that bad, yes i mean it it’s THAT BAD. it has entirely ruined every single aspect of my fucking life for 6 years straight and i fear it can be forever permanent. the fact that i can’t make a single fucking friend, stand up for myself, order without stuttering, make eye contact, etc has made me wish that i could’ve just done something about it when i was getting bullied years ago. bullying ruined my whole fucking self concept and happiness, life was never so miserable. now i’m insecure every single day hating on ppl with family and friends wishing i can live a life that was built for me. but ofc nothings in my favor.

I (43M) look back at myself all the way to being a small child and realise there’s been something wrong with me from birth.

I’ve been emotionally unstable, unfocused, weird, cowardly, antisocial and dumb, from day 1. My siblings are normal productive successful individuals, I keep blaming the world around me but the harder truth to accept is that I am just poorly designed, possibly a borderline individual.

I don’t have the will to end it. I’ve hoped every night for as long as I can remember, that I pass away in my sleep, christ, what a mess I am in.

My depression is coming back with a vengeance this time. I'm older and uglier and lonely as ever. I can't make ends meet. I hate myself. Food tastes bad. I wish I could sleep forever.

I just think that at this point things will not get better for me or the world just in general. I just dont know what to expect in the future, probably the worst or that ill end up living a mediocre life.

I wish i could end it all but im just weak to do it and theres still some people in my life that i would hurt if i do that. Maybe is too early for that i guess, im tired.

I have health issues and live with severe debilitating pain from arthritis and multiple herniated disks. Im disabled and unable to work and behind in life due to this. I live with my parents in a house with no air conditioning that's broken down with barely and food to eat most days but atleast i have a place to stay. I lost my health insurance due to turning 26. I have begged god to heal me for years and he won't. He doesn't care that i'm hurt he wants me to suffer. My pain gets more unbearable every day. I've missed out on life. I have severe mental health issues now from all the suffering. I've been through. Everyone hates me and treats me like shit and thinks im worthless for not being able to work. My family views me as a failure.

i feel like being on reddit has made me worse mentally. i came here to try to talk to people about my sexual trauma because i can’t afford a therapist and i know reddit has a lot of support groups. i’ve been messaged and harassed by so many disgusting men that i don’t feel like a human being anymore. my entire life i’ve been assaulted, raped, everything. i can’t take it anymore, i feel like a joke

I’m just ready to die. I’m tired of trying to get better. Most of my friends are sick of me, and one of my best friends just told me they wanted a break from our friendship.

I’m not trying anymore. If I die from my ED or SH so be it. I don’t care anymore. I’m ready to just die.

I don’t matter. I can’t be here anymore.

I'm 40 years old and I'm exhausted. I've exhausted my capacity as a person. I've exhausted my dreams and goals. I'm exhausting the people I love.

I'm struggling to find work. I'm struggling to maintain relationships. I used to have a great job and be in love but my mental state has declined and with it most of the good has fallen away.

I miss being useful. I miss being a lover.

It's late and I'm tired. I don't know if I'll be okay, but I will survive this no matter what. Even if I have nothing left, my defiance against this horrible decline is survival and writing so that my words survive me.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

29M - I used to be super happy and blissed out, then 3 years ago I suffered a massive loss in my life where I lost most of my life’s creative work in one go. Almost all my films got deleted from the internet / YouTube and I also lost all the backups / copies. I went through a mental health episode and deleted everything so it’s basically my fault but it’s still painful. Since this loss I’ve been extremely anxious and depressed / suicidal 24/7 and have no hope of it ever getting better. It’s such a contrast because I used to feel so good and had so much creative energy, now I can barely create anymore. Did anyone else used to be happy before long term depression kicked in? I think about how I used to feel 24/7 because I feel like if I wouldn’t have deleted everything I’d still be happy, just by deleting everything it completely screwed up my long term plan and I lost my place in YouTube history which basically crushed my childhood dream. My last post got taken down and I’m wondering if it’s because it was too long, kind of disheartening. Just mainly curious how many people have a similar story of going from being a super happy person to then suffering long term depression. I miss the person I used to be and the person I could have become if I would have never gotten depressed

i was assaulted the other night and the way i’m coping with it feels disgusting, is this a normal reaction? is something wrong with me

I (29F) have been married to my husband (30M) for a little over a year, but we’ve been together for five years. I’m using a throwaway because I don’t want him to know I’m turning to Reddit for advice. I just feel so incredibly alone right now and I am desperate for advice.

My husband has depression. He’s been on medication since before I met him, but in the five years we’ve been together, I’ve never seen him experience anything like this.

About a week ago, everything changed and it fucking sucks.

He told me that he woke up one day and just couldn’t feel anything anymore. He describes it as the entire world being muted. He doesn’t feel happiness, excitement, joy, or even love the way he used to.

His entire personality, demeanor, and behavior have changed. The way he looks at me, the way he talks, the way he carries himself. It’s like the person I’ve loved for five years is suddenly gone, even though he’s standing right in front of me. It’s such a mind fuck.

We recently went on a trip we’d been planning for a while. We saw one of his favorite artists, someone he would normally be so excited to see. I stood there watching him stare at the stage completely emotionless, and I don’t think I can describe how much that fucked me up.

He doesn’t find joy in anything anymore not even our marriage.

He’s told me repeatedly that this isn’t my fault. That it’s his depression, that something chemically is wrong, and that no amount of love from me can just pull him out of it.

He says he doesn’t want to end our marriage. He says he loves me, but the way he explains it is heartbreaking. He told me he knows he loves me because he remembers loving me before he started feeling this way. He knows those feelings were there, even if he can’t actually feel them right now.

He told me he’ll try to cuddle me because he knows physical affection is important to me, and because he remembers that he used to want that too. (This is important to note because this has always been his love language).

I can’t even begin to explain how painful it is to hear those things from someone who used to make you feel unconditional love.

I also struggle with severe anxiety and abandonment issues, which makes this entire situation feel almost unbearable. I’m starting therapy again at the end of this month, and he’s working on finding a therapist as well.

He’s never been someone who can easily talk about his depression, and right now he really can’t or won’t discuss it much at all. I’m hoping therapy will give him a place where he feels comfortable opening up. Because he asks me not to dig.

I’ve asked him over and over what he needs from me. I’ve told him I’ll do anything to help him get through this.

His answer is always the same: patience and understanding.

And I’m trying to do both but I am so gutted.

I’ve taken on most of the housework. During our vacation, I tried to take every possible responsibility off his shoulders so he wouldn’t have to worry about anything. I’m trying to give him space when he asks for it. I ever offered to get a hotel away from home for a day or two so he could have solitude. I asked if he mias me and heart breaking enough he said it wouldn’t affect him if I left. I know I was fishing for some resemblance of reassurance and got my feelings hurt.

He tells me that sometimes he’d rather be at work than at home because work allows him to distract himself from how he’s feeling.

I know I shouldn’t take that personally, but it fucking sucks to hear.

Before this, I genuinely thought we were so happy. We have a good life. We’re both building careers, we have three pets, a home, food on the table, and plans for our future. We don’t have children yet, but we’ve talked about our future kids together. I mean for fuck sake what else could you want in life?

I know depression doesn’t care how good your life looks on paper. I know that logically.

But emotionally, I keep asking myself what happened.

Were we actually happy? Did I miss something? Was he suffering this whole time and I just didn’t see it? Was the happiness I felt in our marriage something I imagined?

He keeps reassuring me that this isn’t about me or our marriage. But my brain won’t stop looking for ways to blame myself.

I keep thinking that maybe if I were a better wife, if I were prettier, more loving, more supportive, more understanding, somehow I could make him feel something again.

And then I feel guilty for even making his depression about me.

He told me he’s never experienced an episode this deep before. He also told me that it could take a long time before he feels like himself again.

I’m not going anywhere. I love this man more than I can put into words. I meant my vows when I said forever.

But I am terrified.

I’m terrified that he won’t come back to himself. I’m terrified that one day he’ll decide he doesn’t want our marriage anymore. I’m terrified that I’ll spend months trying to be strong for him while quietly falling apart myself.

For the past week, I’ve cried every single day. I’ve been so anxious that I throw up almost everything I eat. I sleep as much as I can because being awake means having to face the reality of what’s happening.

And I feel selfish even admitting that because I know he’s the one suffering from depression.

He has reassured me that he would never hurt himself, and I believe him. But I still worry about him constantly.

I miss my husband. I miss his laugh. I miss the way he used to look at me. I miss feeling wanted without having to wonder whether he’s just going through the motions for my sake.

I miss someone who is literally sitting next to me.

And that might be the loneliest feeling I’ve ever experienced.

I guess I’m posting because I desperately need to hear from people who have been through this.

If you’ve experienced a severe depressive episode where you suddenly felt emotionally numb, did your feelings eventually come back? Did you still love your partner even when you couldn’t feel it?

If you’ve been the spouse on the other side of this, how did you survive it? How did you support your partner without completely losing yourself?

How do I stop blaming myself for something he keeps telling me isn’t my fault? How do I give him space without convincing myself he’s pulling away from our marriage?

I don’t need him to be happy every second. I don’t need our marriage to be perfect. I just want my husband to feel like himself again.

I want him to experience joy again, even if that joy has nothing to do with me.

I just don’t know how to keep my own head above water while we wait for that day. I am so scared this is going to consume me.

TL;DR: My husband of one year (together five) suddenly entered the worst depressive episode he’s ever experienced. He feels emotionally numb, including toward me, and his entire personality seems to have changed overnight. He says he still loves me and doesn’t want to leave, but I’m struggling with anxiety, self-blame, and feeling like I’ve lost him. I’m looking for advice from people who’ve experienced this on either side of a marriage.

it's my brain,i get too tired with life's basic demands like securing internships, going to work day in day out.

people suffer but can do these like on autopilot

but somehow it feels too overwhelming for my body and mind. i would rather not exist.

Idk everyday I think abt it but I can’t because of my religion

hello again. i feel like absolute shit.

last night i had a breakdown in front of my mom and she had one too. i feel absolutely terrible for putting all that weight on her, all of the bad emotions she must go through for having a daughter like this, even though i know it's inevitable when you love someone, especially if they're your child.

i don't know anymore man. i've struggled with depression for almost a decade. lately it's just been terrible. i'm trying my best to keep living a relatively normal life but i feel like i'm fucking up everything, all the opportunities i get just because i feel like absolute shit and have no motivation/energy to really do anything.

well i guess i just wanted to let this out. hope i can just sleep again as soon as possible.

Hi for context I have always been a bit chubby a bit overweight my whole life. As a girl the extra pounds mean a lot and as a teen the extra 30-40 made the difference between fat and pretty. Now I’m 18 and it’s gotten bad again. Ever wonder if it could get worse. (Not downplaying anyone’s situation ik obviously there’s worse) try being depressed AND FAT. I have no motivation to do anything and do anything to feel that moment of happiness and the easiest for me is food. I’ve always loved food I was born into this world hungry.but now that I have all this stuff happening and this anxiety and depression and whatever else I have being fat has made it 10 times worse. Never gain weight guys. And I know I could lose it but I’m too lazy to make the first step for anything I feel disconnected from my body and the consequences as if it’s not me inside of this body it feels as if I’m spectating my own life just controlling a character like how else do I even explain this. I’ve neglected myself to the point where even trying to fix it feels so far.anyways just wanted to vent a bit. Not sure if it’s a result of my depression or if the weight resulted to the depression okay bye thanks for reading

Hey guys, I’m 24 years old, and over the last 1–2 years, I’ve pretty much neglected both my physical and mental health got in depression.. Even before that, I spent a lot of time gaming and had bad posture. Then I spent about a year working on my PC a lot, sometimes every single day, without doing any physical activity to balance it out.
I’ve noticed that I have forward head posture and an anterior pelvic tilt (hollow back). For the past few weeks, I’ve also been experiencing recurring neck pain and muscle tension that travels up into my head.
It’s affecting my everyday life more than I’d like. It affects my confidence, the way I speak, and my ability to concentrate. I often have this brain-dead feeling, like my brain just isn’t working properly. Sometimes I also struggle to speak clearly.
I just can’t seem to be the person I want to be. I notice that I automatically become quieter and more withdrawn when I’m around other people. I feel like I can’t really be myself because these symptoms are holding me back.
Of course, I’ve also wondered whether there could be psychological reasons behind this, since I haven’t always been in a good place mentally either. But honestly, I find it really hard to believe that it’s purely psychological.
Stretching exercises do help, but the relief doesn’t last very long. Right now, I’m genuinely scared that these problems will stick with me and never go away.
What should I do?
I’m currently trying to do stretching and strengthening exercises every day, and I’ve also signed up for a gym. I’ve arranged for a trainer to create a workout plan specifically focused on my problem areas so I can build muscle and improve my posture. Do you think this will help me get better over time? Is it possible to feel normal again? What else can I do? I’d really appreciate any advice from people who have experienced something similar or have knowledge about this.

I’m also hoping to hear from people with experience because I’m genuinely scared that these symptoms will affect me at school and at work next year, and that they won’t have gone away or improved by then.
I’m worried that I won’t be able to achieve my goals if I continue feeling this way.

Brothers and sisters, I am giving up the fight. (Not suicide) but the constant struggle, I have succumb to it. I no longer have hope or desire to get out of this. So I will simply just exist. I have laid down my arms.

I don’t want to die. I just want this piece of meat suit to finally listen to me. I’m so tired of it constantly ruining my life. I don’t even blame my contamination OCD anymore. It is a piece of crap. All it does is create body fluids when I don’t want it to doesn’t matter if I do everything right it’s somehow gonna to bleed somehow it doesn’t matter if I take this stupid medication. I want out of this meat suit and to live my life happily.

I not as expressive about my feeling , i can tell in more in personal space then putting it out lime this i am sorry if i am breaking any rule but i badly need a company who. Listen to me and help me out specially a women POV

Being raised in a broken home and all alone affected me soo much , never had a friend or a family member to open up , i never felt loved and felt like being a cursed on me , having suicidal thoughts , anxiety attacks , depression , PTSD as well as ADHD symptoms alot , but cant seek help coz the country i am in feel all this is nothing , they celebrate everything as a family together where as i see all this my whole life all alone , no one there to listen to support , just wanted to end this life now

like what bruh?

just eat work shit sleep repeat?

wtff

no ty

fuh ts