r/depression • u/kalecatthegeneralsea • 20h ago

only thing i really look forward to lately is just sleeping and being unconscious.

hello again. i feel like absolute shit.

last night i had a breakdown in front of my mom and she had one too. i feel absolutely terrible for putting all that weight on her, all of the bad emotions she must go through for having a daughter like this, even though i know it's inevitable when you love someone, especially if they're your child.

i don't know anymore man. i've struggled with depression for almost a decade. lately it's just been terrible. i'm trying my best to keep living a relatively normal life but i feel like i'm fucking up everything, all the opportunities i get just because i feel like absolute shit and have no motivation/energy to really do anything.

well i guess i just wanted to let this out. hope i can just sleep again as soon as possible.

81 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

3

u/fridgeofempty 18h ago

It’s awful when you are depressed.

2

u/One_Eye_6250 17h ago

I know friend, I know. I hope you get some sleep. And I'm also sorry for what I put my mom through tbh. We don't have the best relationship and sometimes I hate her so much but I guess at the end of the day i kinda also do love her... I suppose. I don't know. Ugh. 😐 I wish I could just sleep forever. 🫠 Everything feels too much.

1

u/Highlander0208 12h ago

How much do you normally sleep?

1

u/Dismal-Waltz-291 9h ago

I completely get it. That’s my escape just to lay in bed and sleep. That’s the tough part because I have a relatively decent life and it just makes it worse because I feel guilty because I feel so awful and just want to be non-existent. I take my sleeping pills every day early just to do that. You are not alone.

1

u/Ice-GLITTER 8h ago

Damn I had a very similar scenario the other day…

It’s really hard trying to conceal things like this from a mum. The pressure is immense, trying to not make her worry…but it’s hard to fake enthusiasm for life.

Hopefully she will be patient and supportive with you? And maybe you can help each other a little, acknowledge her sadness too. I hope things will be okay for you…

Sleep is always my escape 💙

1

u/tisofotodi 8h ago

It feels like a lot, I’m sorry you are going through this.
You are not alone, speak to someone and you will get better. I’m sure your mother loves you ♥️♥️

1

u/Agreeable-Mud-2076 7h ago

I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel, for me it's my dad who breaks down sometimes because I'm just not able to pick myself up or stop crying. Sending all the love. Hoping we'll all catch a break soon