I was having a nice conversation with someone yesterday about books. She then says “I’m really curious about you, how long have you been throwing pottery?“ I told her and she unmatched me soon after. Wtf??

Trying to have a conversation with anyone these days seems impossible. Getting a date seems impossible. It’s wild.

Ive noticed when i match with someone im putting in all the effort in conversations. I ask them how their day is going and what kinds of stuff they are into then things fizzle out from there. They give me short, minimal responses and seem really uninterested and never ask me anything in return. Is this typical for being a guy on these apps or am i not doing something right? Do i ignore these responses and keep digging till they respond with more life?

I have seen in some dating advice that men rarely receive compliments so complimenting them goes a long way. And this is something I see a lot. One post I saw said men only get 20 compliments a year vs 500 for women (which I feel should be higher actually). As a woman with lots of friends, I give my guy friends compliments all the time “oh wow you look great tonight” “oh I like this sweater” “ooo you got new glasses, these look so good”. I also hear my other female friends doing the same. And I hear guys in our friend group complimenting each other as well (I live in LA). So I’m confused by these statistics. Do you guys not have nice friends? Is it because men with mostly male friends don’t give each other compliments. Are you finding that gfs are not complimenting their bfs.

Men, what is your experience like? Do you really not receive compliments? How often do you? And when you do, who is usually giving it to you?

I'm 33 years old, and for reasons that take way too long to get into, I've never been on a date with anyone. I am on the apps, and slowly trying to explore other avenues.

I've not been fortunate enough yet to actually meet someone yet who has agreed to a date (the one instance I tried last year, she respectfully turned me down; this was independent of any app).

It's a struggle for sure, but this question is a hypothetical for when (or even if) I do actually succeed in getting a date:

As an adult woman in your 20s or 30s, how would you feel if you learned that the guy you are on a date with told you that you are the first date ever for them?

If that day comes, I'm not inclined to say that at the start of a date or beforehand, but perhaps at the end.

I'm just asking as a general hypothetical, not really for any specific advice or anything like that.

So I 30F had a huge crush on this guy from my salsa dance class (28M). Over the last few months we developed a really strong emotional bond and started hanging out a lot more outside of class.

We talk on the phone and text almost every day, and tell each other everything about our lives. He is very thoughtful and will always carry my bags for me or give me his blanket if I’m cold and we’re hanging out in a group. When we go to salsa socials we’ll routinely dance 5-6 songs together. I just developed a really strong emotional attachment with him which then became these pretty deep romantic feelings.

The only issue is that I could never tell whether we were just really close friends or if he ever felt the same way romantically. He doesn’t date much (although he is single and really trying to put himself out there). He is not the most straightforward with women and it’s hard to read him as platonic vs romantic.

This feeling of uncertainty was killing me inside so I ended up asking to meet him at a cafe before a dance social to finally confess my feelings and get closure.

At the cafe we proceed to talk for an hour but I am too awkward and shy to bring it up. As we’re paying and leaving for the social I finally muster the courage to start the story that would inevitably lead to my confession. Unfortunately the confession part came at the worst possible moment right when we walked into the dance social which was in a room of 60-70 people and loud music. Somehow I still got the words out that “I caught feelings”. He looks surprised and smiles then says nothing for a minute besides “ohhhh…”. Finally he asks “how do you feel now?” and for some reason I reply with “Oh, I’ll be fine.” because I didn’t want to pressure him to feel the need to reject me or say how he feels if he‘s not ready to. From there he sort of ends the conversation there and asks to dance.

He never really acknowledged or mentioned anything about how he felt about anything. However, we did 7 dances together (the most I’ve ever done with anyone in a night) including the last song which is usually the most special. I felt the dances were way closer and more intimate and I sort of even felt him being aroused at the end. I dropped him off at his house after the dancing and my confession remained unacknowledged.

I am feeling a lot of peace about him finally knowing how I feel now. But I somehow still feel in limbo. I want to give him space to let me know how he feels without the pressure of asking explicitly. Because I know if he doesn’t feel the same way he will feel really bad rejecting me. Or maybe he’s unsure about certain things romantically.

The closure I wanted to feel from my confession somehow feels even more uncertain now. So what would you do next??

I’ve been dating this man and every time I bring up a serious topic or try to get some understanding as to what we are doing with this situation it’s like he tries to back out of the topic by getting quiet or saying he doesn’t have an answer or acts suddenly busy… but then tries to proceed as if nothing happened, he’ll go hours of no communication after I try to communicate and just text me as if he didn’t see the previous message… I’m big on communication and this is becoming tiring on my end cause my end goal for dating is marriage, I’m touching 30 next year and I just don’t have time for casual dating anymore.. I know what I want and what I don’t want! & it’s pretty hard trying to have a serious conversation with him about any of it. I want to ask if I’m wrong for just ghosting him completely but then again I know I’m not cause I’ve tried multiple times so I figure he just don’t care as much…

But let’s not forget to mention; this is the very man that tried so long and hard to pursue me, first one to mention a relationship, marriage, children & all that fairytale stuff before I ever even had that thought with him…

I’m a 38M looking for some outside perspectives on a situation I’ve been struggling with for almost a year.
Last year, I dated a woman for almost four months. We had an incredible connection, at least from my perspective. Our conversations were effortless, we had great chemistry, and I genuinely looked forward to spending time with her. We’d regularly talk on the phone for over an hour, sometimes much longer. I’ve dated other women since, but I haven’t experienced that same level of connection.
However, there was one recurring problem: whenever we seemed to get emotionally closer, she would pull away.
Sometimes she’d disappear for a few days, usually no longer than three, before returning and apologizing. She explained that she tended to shut down when overwhelmed by emotions or stress. She also told me she was in therapy and that one of the things she was working on was her difficulty with commitment.
What made things confusing was that she genuinely seemed to be making an effort. Every time she came back, things would improve a little before the cycle eventually repeated itself.
At one point, she introduced me to her closest friends, which felt like a significant step forward. Shortly afterward, however, she became distant again.
She also told me that if I could wait another couple of months, she might be able to offer more consistency because her life would be slowing down.
Eventually, I reached a point where I needed more clarity about where things were going. I asked her if we could be exclusive.
Two days later, she told me, “I thought about what you said. What you asked for is commitment and I’m not in a place in my life for that.”
I told her that I respected her feelings but couldn’t continue seeing her without exclusivity.
She responded, “I understand. I respect you.”
That was the end of things. I walked away from the relationship in mid November of last year and we have not spoken since.
I removed her from social media a couple of months after things ended, and I’ve genuinely tried to move forward.
Here’s my dilemma.
It’s been almost a year, and I still think about her. I’ve dated other women, but I haven’t found that same connection. I’ve also been going to therapy, and my therapist recently suggested that I consider reaching out to her because this relationship continues to come up in our sessions.
Part of me wonders whether I ended things too soon. She had acknowledged her struggles, was actively attending therapy, and seemed to be making gradual improvements. Maybe she genuinely needed more time.
On the other hand, I recognize that I could be romanticizing the relationship and holding on to its potential rather than accepting what it actually was.
I’m also aware that her reluctance to commit might not have been entirely about her struggles with commitment. It’s possible she simply didn’t see a long-term future with me.
I have no idea whether she’s single, whether she’s changed, or whether she’d even want to hear from me.
So my question is: Should I reach out?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar, either as the person who struggled with commitment or as the person on the receiving end.
I’m not looking to convince her to be with me. I just wonder whether enough time has passed that reconnecting might be worth exploring.
I would appreciate honest perspectives, even if they’re not what I want to hear.

Long post, ye be warned.

Mid 20s/M. Dating has always been very hard for me, and I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out why. The story was pretty standard when I was younger. Oblivious to hints, too afraid to act when someone caught my eye, the usual stuff. I sailed past 21 without so much as a first kiss, and that fact bothered me deeply. Romance and connection had always been something I wanted, I just didn't know how to go about it.

Part of the problem might have been that nobody in my life could give me a straight answer on what dating was even about. Was it about marriage? Sex? Finding someone who sets your soul on fire and makes life worth living? I was told all those things, but those were meaningless words to a kid who hadn't experienced any of it.

I also didn't understand girls, to me they were mystical beings of grace and beauty whose affection could only be earned through esoteric means. Seeing other boys find girlfriends looked like magic, and the ease by which it appeared to happen frustrated me. I knew girls were just people, but without sisters, cousins, or close female friends my age to set the record straight, I never learned how to really connect with them.

Things were better by college. I had some female coworkers I'd managed to get along with, I got a little braver, and I was observant rather than oblivious. I made a commitment to go to every party I was invited to, put myself out there, and finally leave my comfort zone. I kept that commitment, and the final tally was 2 parties and 1 horrible fling with a deeply unstable person. Turns out there weren't as many "opportunities" as I had hoped for.

Graduation came and I wasn't in very good spirits. I had technically achieved my goals, kiss a girl, go on dates, not be a virgin, but with the exception of my first kiss I hadn't really enjoyed any of it. The partner had certainly left a lot to be desired, and I figured that was the problem. I just needed to find the right person, then I'd figure this out.

I had a "right person" in mind, an old crush from high school who I'd never really forgotten about. She was pretty much my only female friend, though we were never that close. Mostly spending time around each other in group settings if at all. I wanted to change that, we were living in the same town again for the first time in years and I knew if I didn't make a move now, I'd never get the chance again. So I got serious, and I made a real effort to reconnect with this girl.

For about 6 months we hung out, just the two of us, and it was sublime. First it was lunch, then barhopping, then hiking and eventually a concert night (she invited me and paid for the tickets). I made the choice not to use the word "date" because I didn't want to add any pressure, and we never got physical, but they felt like dates and everyone I've told the story too thinks something was definitely happening. I was over the moon, but it didn't last. She got a job out of state, and right before she moved I initiated The Conversation to see where things stood. She denied anything was happening, didn't elaborate, and in less than a week returned to the occasional online presence I'd known for years. Ouch.

After a while coming to terms with that, I finally got dating apps to semi-work and went on enough dates with strangers that they stopped being scary. Most went nowhere, I kept an open mind but found again and again that I wasn't really interested in any of the people. Part of it I think was the inequality of dating apps for men. The profiles which actually stirred something in me were in demand, and never matched, so I took dates where I could and tried to make the most of it. Years in, it took a second empty fling for me to finally accept that the apps were too fundamentally toxic to lead to anything worthwhile.

So now it's the present, and my biggest problem is meeting someone who isn't taken. That's a slow process for me, and I still suck at small talk so approaching women never works sadly. I think the way forward is to focus on my own life and happiness, get out more doing social hobbies I actually enjoy, and hope serendipity strikes before I'm an old man. This approach hasn't worked yet, but it feels better. Dating is an old wound at this point, and even thinking about it hurts, but there's still time to meet someone nice. I'm optimistic.

It’s my own insecurities, I know this. I have 2 degrees and am at a job that is totally unrelated. I basically see it as me not using either degree even though I know they shaped me blah blah blah.

Can someone help me figure out how I can shift my mindset toward a guy that may be in the same position? Or who may not even have a degree? Or a low paying job? It’s so hard for me to find connections and I don’t want to possibly throw it away over something that I’m over reacting about.

Please don’t say he deserves better than me bc this is hypothetical lol but I’ve always seen myself being with a man who is the breadwinner. Idk does this make me shallow? That I may eliminate someone from the running due to their job and or income? I will contribute but I want to have him to lean on and to provide for me and us financially. If not that, at least have a bit of spending money for a trip once a year etc. I don’t want to have to lend him money to pay his rent etc.