I have deleted old ones when I don’t feel connected anymore. But the recent old flame from 3 weeks ago and we dated for a few months. He said he doesn’t think our medium distance would work and we both said goodbye. I’m contemplating to remove him because I just feel sad knowing he’s watching my stuff but he’s not in my life anymore. I cannot delete as feelings are raw and I still want him to come back.

It’s my own insecurities, I know this. I have 2 degrees and am at a job that is totally unrelated. I basically see it as me not using either degree even though I know they shaped me blah blah blah.

Can someone help me figure out how I can shift my mindset toward a guy that may be in the same position? Or who may not even have a degree? Or a low paying job? It’s so hard for me to find connections and I don’t want to possibly throw it away over something that I’m over reacting about.

Please don’t say he deserves better than me bc this is hypothetical lol but I’ve always seen myself being with a man who is the breadwinner. Idk does this make me shallow? That I may eliminate someone from the running due to their job and or income? I will contribute but I want to have him to lean on and to provide for me and us financially. If not that, at least have a bit of spending money for a trip once a year etc. I don’t want to have to lend him money to pay his rent etc.

Ive noticed when i match with someone im putting in all the effort in conversations. I ask them how their day is going and what kinds of stuff they are into then things fizzle out from there. They give me short, minimal responses and seem really uninterested and never ask me anything in return. Is this typical for being a guy on these apps or am i not doing something right? Do i ignore these responses and keep digging till they respond with more life?

I have seen in some dating advice that men rarely receive compliments so complimenting them goes a long way. And this is something I see a lot. One post I saw said men only get 20 compliments a year vs 500 for women (which I feel should be higher actually). As a woman with lots of friends, I give my guy friends compliments all the time “oh wow you look great tonight” “oh I like this sweater” “ooo you got new glasses, these look so good”. I also hear my other female friends doing the same. And I hear guys in our friend group complimenting each other as well (I live in LA). So I’m confused by these statistics. Do you guys not have nice friends? Is it because men with mostly male friends don’t give each other compliments. Are you finding that gfs are not complimenting their bfs.

Men, what is your experience like? Do you really not receive compliments? How often do you? And when you do, who is usually giving it to you?

I’ve been dating this man and every time I bring up a serious topic or try to get some understanding as to what we are doing with this situation it’s like he tries to back out of the topic by getting quiet or saying he doesn’t have an answer or acts suddenly busy… but then tries to proceed as if nothing happened, he’ll go hours of no communication after I try to communicate and just text me as if he didn’t see the previous message… I’m big on communication and this is becoming tiring on my end cause my end goal for dating is marriage, I’m touching 30 next year and I just don’t have time for casual dating anymore.. I know what I want and what I don’t want! & it’s pretty hard trying to have a serious conversation with him about any of it. I want to ask if I’m wrong for just ghosting him completely but then again I know I’m not cause I’ve tried multiple times so I figure he just don’t care as much…

But let’s not forget to mention; this is the very man that tried so long and hard to pursue me, first one to mention a relationship, marriage, children & all that fairytale stuff before I ever even had that thought with him…

I'm 33 years old, and for reasons that take way too long to get into, I've never been on a date with anyone. I am on the apps, and slowly trying to explore other avenues.

I've not been fortunate enough yet to actually meet someone yet who has agreed to a date (the one instance I tried last year, she respectfully turned me down; this was independent of any app).

It's a struggle for sure, but this question is a hypothetical for when (or even if) I do actually succeed in getting a date:

As an adult woman in your 20s or 30s, how would you feel if you learned that the guy you are on a date with told you that you are the first date ever for them?

If that day comes, I'm not inclined to say that at the start of a date or beforehand, but perhaps at the end.

I'm just asking as a general hypothetical, not really for any specific advice or anything like that.

I’m a 38M looking for some outside perspectives on a situation I’ve been struggling with for almost a year.
Last year, I dated a woman for almost four months. We had an incredible connection, at least from my perspective. Our conversations were effortless, we had great chemistry, and I genuinely looked forward to spending time with her. We’d regularly talk on the phone for over an hour, sometimes much longer. I’ve dated other women since, but I haven’t experienced that same level of connection.
However, there was one recurring problem: whenever we seemed to get emotionally closer, she would pull away.
Sometimes she’d disappear for a few days, usually no longer than three, before returning and apologizing. She explained that she tended to shut down when overwhelmed by emotions or stress. She also told me she was in therapy and that one of the things she was working on was her difficulty with commitment.
What made things confusing was that she genuinely seemed to be making an effort. Every time she came back, things would improve a little before the cycle eventually repeated itself.
At one point, she introduced me to her closest friends, which felt like a significant step forward. Shortly afterward, however, she became distant again.
She also told me that if I could wait another couple of months, she might be able to offer more consistency because her life would be slowing down.
Eventually, I reached a point where I needed more clarity about where things were going. I asked her if we could be exclusive.
Two days later, she told me, “I thought about what you said. What you asked for is commitment and I’m not in a place in my life for that.”
I told her that I respected her feelings but couldn’t continue seeing her without exclusivity.
She responded, “I understand. I respect you.”
That was the end of things. I walked away from the relationship in mid November of last year and we have not spoken since.
I removed her from social media a couple of months after things ended, and I’ve genuinely tried to move forward.
Here’s my dilemma.
It’s been almost a year, and I still think about her. I’ve dated other women, but I haven’t found that same connection. I’ve also been going to therapy, and my therapist recently suggested that I consider reaching out to her because this relationship continues to come up in our sessions.
Part of me wonders whether I ended things too soon. She had acknowledged her struggles, was actively attending therapy, and seemed to be making gradual improvements. Maybe she genuinely needed more time.
On the other hand, I recognize that I could be romanticizing the relationship and holding on to its potential rather than accepting what it actually was.
I’m also aware that her reluctance to commit might not have been entirely about her struggles with commitment. It’s possible she simply didn’t see a long-term future with me.
I have no idea whether she’s single, whether she’s changed, or whether she’d even want to hear from me.
So my question is: Should I reach out?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar, either as the person who struggled with commitment or as the person on the receiving end.
I’m not looking to convince her to be with me. I just wonder whether enough time has passed that reconnecting might be worth exploring.
I would appreciate honest perspectives, even if they’re not what I want to hear.

I was having a nice conversation with someone yesterday about books. She then says “I’m really curious about you, how long have you been throwing pottery?“ I told her and she unmatched me soon after. Wtf??

Trying to have a conversation with anyone these days seems impossible. Getting a date seems impossible. It’s wild.

As a 24 yo woman who has been on dating apps for years, and has since given them up for over two years now, I’ve realized how many experiences they take away. I have been off dating apps since almost a year before my last (shorted lived) relationship, so approaching 3 years now. Over this time, I’ve started experiencing real crushes and feelings for people, something I guess I hadn’t experienced since high school before the dating app craze.

Not only do the apps make me personally feel anxious, objectified, and bored, but they made me forget the feeling of developing a crush on someone. I actually don’t care how “immature” the term sounds, having a crush is so exciting and fun and even when it doesn’t work out, I walk away feeling much better than I would have receiving rejection from a dating app. Relearning how to make connections with people, and really FEEL for them, has been such a beautiful thing for me, and it takes away any of the shame or insecurity you may feel with dating apps in my opinion. You just learn to start admiring people for who they are, and not some profile prompts and some good pictures of them.

This is jot to shame those who are on dating apps, I myself have been on them and I don’t look down on it at all!!! I just feel like in mass, it’s contributing to this inability to actually connect with and develop feelings for people on a deeper level.

I would honestly recommend to anyone who takes dating seriously to try spending a few months off of them and see how they feel. As a lover girl, I really feel like it helped me figure out what I’m looking for and brought back a super exciting part of life! Building connections with new people can be hard when you’re not on dating apps, but I also feel like you naturally meet people who are meant to be in your life, whether romantic or platonic.

For most of my life, I've been the guy who avoided relationships. Whenever I liked someone, I'd either keep it to myself or convince myself that it wasn't the right time. I had other things to focus on, and I always thought relationships could wait.

Part of it was my own choice, and part of it was just how I was raised and the way I looked at relationships. I didn't want to get involved with someone just for the sake of it.

But lately, I've started thinking about how much I've missed out on. I see people around me getting into relationships, falling in love, and sharing parts of their lives with someone, and I wonder what that feels like.

Now that I'm actually open to finding someone, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how people go from being strangers to genuinely liking each other. I don't know how to show interest without feeling awkward, or how to tell if someone is interested in me.

The weirdest part is that I used to think avoiding relationships was the mature thing to do. I'm not saying I regret my values or that I should've dated people I didn't want to date. I just wish I'd learned how to connect with people instead of putting that entire part of life on hold.

I know I'm still young, and I'm probably overthinking a lot of this. But sometimes I worry that while I was busy waiting for the right time, everyone else learned something about relationships that I'm only starting to figure out now.

For those of you who were late to dating or spent years avoiding relationships, how did you eventually get comfortable with it? Did it come naturally, or did you have to learn everything from scratch?