Ive noticed when i match with someone im putting in all the effort in conversations. I ask them how their day is going and what kinds of stuff they are into then things fizzle out from there. They give me short, minimal responses and seem really uninterested and never ask me anything in return. Is this typical for being a guy on these apps or am i not doing something right? Do i ignore these responses and keep digging till they respond with more life?

I was having a nice conversation with someone yesterday about books. She then says “I’m really curious about you, how long have you been throwing pottery?“ I told her and she unmatched me soon after. Wtf??

Trying to have a conversation with anyone these days seems impossible. Getting a date seems impossible. It’s wild.

As a 24 yo woman who has been on dating apps for years, and has since given them up for over two years now, I’ve realized how many experiences they take away. I have been off dating apps since almost a year before my last (shorted lived) relationship, so approaching 3 years now. Over this time, I’ve started experiencing real crushes and feelings for people, something I guess I hadn’t experienced since high school before the dating app craze.

Not only do the apps make me personally feel anxious, objectified, and bored, but they made me forget the feeling of developing a crush on someone. I actually don’t care how “immature” the term sounds, having a crush is so exciting and fun and even when it doesn’t work out, I walk away feeling much better than I would have receiving rejection from a dating app. Relearning how to make connections with people, and really FEEL for them, has been such a beautiful thing for me, and it takes away any of the shame or insecurity you may feel with dating apps in my opinion. You just learn to start admiring people for who they are, and not some profile prompts and some good pictures of them.

This is jot to shame those who are on dating apps, I myself have been on them and I don’t look down on it at all!!! I just feel like in mass, it’s contributing to this inability to actually connect with and develop feelings for people on a deeper level.

I would honestly recommend to anyone who takes dating seriously to try spending a few months off of them and see how they feel. As a lover girl, I really feel like it helped me figure out what I’m looking for and brought back a super exciting part of life! Building connections with new people can be hard when you’re not on dating apps, but I also feel like you naturally meet people who are meant to be in your life, whether romantic or platonic.

I'm 33 years old, and for reasons that take way too long to get into, I've never been on a date with anyone. I am on the apps, and slowly trying to explore other avenues.

I've not been fortunate enough yet to actually meet someone yet who has agreed to a date (the one instance I tried last year, she respectfully turned me down; this was independent of any app).

It's a struggle for sure, but this question is a hypothetical for when (or even if) I do actually succeed in getting a date:

As an adult woman in your 20s or 30s, how would you feel if you learned that the guy you are on a date with told you that you are the first date ever for them?

If that day comes, I'm not inclined to say that at the start of a date or beforehand, but perhaps at the end.

I'm just asking as a general hypothetical, not really for any specific advice or anything like that.

I have seen in some dating advice that men rarely receive compliments so complimenting them goes a long way. And this is something I see a lot. One post I saw said men only get 20 compliments a year vs 500 for women (which I feel should be higher actually). As a woman with lots of friends, I give my guy friends compliments all the time “oh wow you look great tonight” “oh I like this sweater” “ooo you got new glasses, these look so good”. I also hear my other female friends doing the same. And I hear guys in our friend group complimenting each other as well (I live in LA). So I’m confused by these statistics. Do you guys not have nice friends? Is it because men with mostly male friends don’t give each other compliments. Are you finding that gfs are not complimenting their bfs.

Men, what is your experience like? Do you really not receive compliments? How often do you? And when you do, who is usually giving it to you?

I’m a 38M looking for some outside perspectives on a situation I’ve been struggling with for almost a year.
Last year, I dated a woman for almost four months. We had an incredible connection, at least from my perspective. Our conversations were effortless, we had great chemistry, and I genuinely looked forward to spending time with her. We’d regularly talk on the phone for over an hour, sometimes much longer. I’ve dated other women since, but I haven’t experienced that same level of connection.
However, there was one recurring problem: whenever we seemed to get emotionally closer, she would pull away.
Sometimes she’d disappear for a few days, usually no longer than three, before returning and apologizing. She explained that she tended to shut down when overwhelmed by emotions or stress. She also told me she was in therapy and that one of the things she was working on was her difficulty with commitment.
What made things confusing was that she genuinely seemed to be making an effort. Every time she came back, things would improve a little before the cycle eventually repeated itself.
At one point, she introduced me to her closest friends, which felt like a significant step forward. Shortly afterward, however, she became distant again.
She also told me that if I could wait another couple of months, she might be able to offer more consistency because her life would be slowing down.
Eventually, I reached a point where I needed more clarity about where things were going. I asked her if we could be exclusive.
Two days later, she told me, “I thought about what you said. What you asked for is commitment and I’m not in a place in my life for that.”
I told her that I respected her feelings but couldn’t continue seeing her without exclusivity.
She responded, “I understand. I respect you.”
That was the end of things. I walked away from the relationship in mid November of last year and we have not spoken since.
I removed her from social media a couple of months after things ended, and I’ve genuinely tried to move forward.
Here’s my dilemma.
It’s been almost a year, and I still think about her. I’ve dated other women, but I haven’t found that same connection. I’ve also been going to therapy, and my therapist recently suggested that I consider reaching out to her because this relationship continues to come up in our sessions.
Part of me wonders whether I ended things too soon. She had acknowledged her struggles, was actively attending therapy, and seemed to be making gradual improvements. Maybe she genuinely needed more time.
On the other hand, I recognize that I could be romanticizing the relationship and holding on to its potential rather than accepting what it actually was.
I’m also aware that her reluctance to commit might not have been entirely about her struggles with commitment. It’s possible she simply didn’t see a long-term future with me.
I have no idea whether she’s single, whether she’s changed, or whether she’d even want to hear from me.
So my question is: Should I reach out?
I’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have experienced something similar, either as the person who struggled with commitment or as the person on the receiving end.
I’m not looking to convince her to be with me. I just wonder whether enough time has passed that reconnecting might be worth exploring.
I would appreciate honest perspectives, even if they’re not what I want to hear.

I (M50s) recently had a PoF match with a woman (F40s) who, because of how she presented herself (quick responses that were more than just a few words, easy to talk to, open to meeting nearby quickly,) I invited to dinner (at a midrange restaurant, as opposed to my normal mandatory coffee date,) and she turned up casual, but actually looking cuter than her pics. Unfortunately, while she was polite, I wasn't sure that she immediately felt the same chemistry (I date a LOT, so my read on their interest is usually pretty reliable,) so I figured it was likely to be a single date. Oh well. We walked over to the restaurant, and I gave my name to the hostess for our reservation.

The hostess seated us politely, started to leave, then turned around and came back to the table, leaned over towards me, and said "Your cologne smells fantastic." I thanked her, and she said, looking me in the eye, "Let me know if you need anything," then paused a beat and said "oh, and your waitress will be with you shortly."

I played it off politely, but my date's interest level clearly jumped immediately, and things went perfectly from there. A couple of very pleasant weeks later (spending time with her feels consistently peaceful and warm,) she just gently asked if I'd be her plus one for her company holiday party in a couple of months, and I've already dropped my other dating options without any regrets, though I've been previously refusing to date anyone seriously for months, and hadn't planned on changing that until I met her. I definitely owe that hostess for being a great wingman 😂

I’ve been dating this man and every time I bring up a serious topic or try to get some understanding as to what we are doing with this situation it’s like he tries to back out of the topic by getting quiet or saying he doesn’t have an answer or acts suddenly busy… but then tries to proceed as if nothing happened, he’ll go hours of no communication after I try to communicate and just text me as if he didn’t see the previous message… I’m big on communication and this is becoming tiring on my end cause my end goal for dating is marriage, I’m touching 30 next year and I just don’t have time for casual dating anymore.. I know what I want and what I don’t want! & it’s pretty hard trying to have a serious conversation with him about any of it. I want to ask if I’m wrong for just ghosting him completely but then again I know I’m not cause I’ve tried multiple times so I figure he just don’t care as much…

But let’s not forget to mention; this is the very man that tried so long and hard to pursue me, first one to mention a relationship, marriage, children & all that fairytale stuff before I ever even had that thought with him…

From 18-20 I lived with my parents, went to community college for engineering, and worked a pretty solitary job. I wasn't very social, didn't talk to anyone outside of my friend groups, and didn't use dating apps. I'd hear things about how nobody's getting dates, everyone's chronically single, and I agreed. I somehow managed to get into a short term relationship within that time, probably just pure chance but it still happened.

I recently moved out, started going to university, and started working at a food service job. I've been going to parties, going out drinking, and talking to a lot more people in general. Two of my roommates have girlfriends, over half (if not most) of my guy coworkers have girlfriends, a lot of my classmates are in committed relationships, and my entire guy friend group (including me) is in a serious relationship or has at least dated someone, and they're all pretty nerdy and chronically online.

I still hear about people in my life struggling to find relationships (both men and women) but a muich higher amount of people around me are dating. And even when I was a bit of a recluse/loser, I still managed to get into a relationship. Honestly the bigger issue for me is that any woman I've been interested in lately hasn't been single.

Society is definitely set up to be more online/individualistic/isolated, but dating has always been hard. Just don't take the doom and gloom posts on here too seriously, if 50% of the population is happy in their relationships, they won't be posting about how happy they are, you'll only hear the minority of people who are frustrated and angry. Honestly the best advice I have is to put yourself around a lot of other people, you'll get a more accurate view of the world and meet more potential partners.

I have deleted old ones when I don’t feel connected anymore. But the recent old flame from 3 weeks ago and we dated for a few months. He said he doesn’t think our medium distance would work and we both said goodbye. I’m contemplating to remove him because I just feel sad knowing he’s watching my stuff but he’s not in my life anymore. I cannot delete as feelings are raw and I still want him to come back.

It’s my own insecurities, I know this. I have 2 degrees and am at a job that is totally unrelated. I basically see it as me not using either degree even though I know they shaped me blah blah blah.

Can someone help me figure out how I can shift my mindset toward a guy that may be in the same position? Or who may not even have a degree? Or a low paying job? It’s so hard for me to find connections and I don’t want to possibly throw it away over something that I’m over reacting about.

Please don’t say he deserves better than me bc this is hypothetical lol but I’ve always seen myself being with a man who is the breadwinner. Idk does this make me shallow? That I may eliminate someone from the running due to their job and or income? I will contribute but I want to have him to lean on and to provide for me and us financially. If not that, at least have a bit of spending money for a trip once a year etc. I don’t want to have to lend him money to pay his rent etc.

For most of my life, I've been the guy who avoided relationships. Whenever I liked someone, I'd either keep it to myself or convince myself that it wasn't the right time. I had other things to focus on, and I always thought relationships could wait.

Part of it was my own choice, and part of it was just how I was raised and the way I looked at relationships. I didn't want to get involved with someone just for the sake of it.

But lately, I've started thinking about how much I've missed out on. I see people around me getting into relationships, falling in love, and sharing parts of their lives with someone, and I wonder what that feels like.

Now that I'm actually open to finding someone, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know how people go from being strangers to genuinely liking each other. I don't know how to show interest without feeling awkward, or how to tell if someone is interested in me.

The weirdest part is that I used to think avoiding relationships was the mature thing to do. I'm not saying I regret my values or that I should've dated people I didn't want to date. I just wish I'd learned how to connect with people instead of putting that entire part of life on hold.

I know I'm still young, and I'm probably overthinking a lot of this. But sometimes I worry that while I was busy waiting for the right time, everyone else learned something about relationships that I'm only starting to figure out now.

For those of you who were late to dating or spent years avoiding relationships, how did you eventually get comfortable with it? Did it come naturally, or did you have to learn everything from scratch?

I’m getting back into dating and trying two apps right now. I have now had several people request to start chatting via signal or whats app - as a US user I have never heard of signal and that whats app was more for users out side the US. It seems like a red flag to me but also I’m old so maybe I don’t know the “new” trends.

I recognize that most women tend to prefer talking a lot less outside of dates and so Im willing to accommodate that. The problem though is I find that this just ends up in the same cycle of:

go on a date -> set up plans for the next one sometime during the week -> all momentum and interest cools off -> go on a date, except it just feels like a first date again -> repeat for weeks or months

I dont really understand how Im supposed to maintain any interest in someone if we dont talk at all during the week. Plus if you dont talk about stuff during the week how do you have anything to talk about on your date? Texting for me is a great way to seed topics into the conversation that can then be brought up to keep things flowing during a date, vs if you dont text at all every date just ends up being the same tired routine "how was your week, how was work, did you do anything fun" just completely boring.

How do I change my mentality to prefer that style of dating and figure out how to actually build a connection vs just letting it fizzle out?

So basically, my boyfriend was showing his friends some pictures of us together, and I started feeling really insecure because there was this one picture of me with my face in a bouquet of flowers that I absolutely hated. I didn’t like the lighting, I wasn’t wearing any makeup, my hair was a mess, I barely got any sleep that day, and I just felt like I looked terrible in it.

And he was like, “But I love how you look in that picture. That’s actually one of my favorite pictures of you. I wanted to show these important people in my life who my girlfriend is.”

And I told him, “I know, but I thought those pictures were just something between you and me, you know? I just really don’t like how I look in that one, and I didn’t expect other people to see it.”

And he was like, “Oh, okay, I understand. I just thought you looked really good in it.”

But honestly, I think I was already feeling really insecure about myself in general. I’m on my period right now, I’ve gained like three pounds, I feel so bloated, and literally none of my clothes feel like they fit me properly. I’m supposed to go to Disneyland today, and I’m going to meet one of my boyfriend’s friends and his fiancée, so I’ve been stressing about how I look because I just don’t feel pretty right now.

And then my boyfriend wanted to FaceTime me, but I didn’t even want him to see me because I hadn’t showered yet, I still needed to blow-dry my hair, I was exhausted, and I just felt so ugly.

We ended up talking on FaceTime for like an hour and a half about all my insecurities, and I actually started crying because I was telling him how much I wish I were prettier, how I want to lose weight, and how I wish I could just look naturally beautiful without having to wear makeup or put so much effort into my appearance.

And as we kept talking, we kind of realized that a lot of my insecurities come from how I used to look before my glow-up. Like, I think I’m still mentally stuck on the version of myself from before I got my rhinoplasty, my ombré powder brows, and everything else. Even though I look different now, I feel like I still see that old version of myself sometimes, and it’s hard for me to believe that I’m actually pretty.

And he was telling me, “You were literally just a kid back then. You looked like a kid. You’re growing up, and you’re growing into this gorgeous woman.”

And then I asked him, “But would you have still dated me if I had my old nose and everything? Like, if I still looked the way I used to?”

And he was explaining how those are such minor changes in the grand scheme of things, and how he was also a completely different person back then. He was saying that he’s grown and changed so much himself, too.

And I kept crying because I was telling him that I just wish I looked better. I wish I were skinnier, I wish I didn’t feel so bloated all the time, and I wish I could look pretty without makeup. I told him that he doesn’t have to date me, either. Like, he’s not obligated to be with me, and I don’t want him to feel like he has to be with someone he doesn’t genuinely find attractive.

And he explained that he’s dating me because he genuinely likes me as a whole person. He said he’s attracted to me, that he likes the entire package, and that he’s choosing to be with me because he actually wants to be with me.

He was also reassuring me that everyone he’s shown my pictures to has thought I was pretty, and that nobody has ever said I looked mid or unattractive. He was basically trying to make me understand that the way I see myself isn’t necessarily how other people see me.

And I think that’s what made the conversation so emotional for me, because he was genuinely trying to reassure me, but I was having such a hard time accepting what he was saying. It’s like, logically, I know I’ve changed so much from how I used to look, but emotionally, I still struggle to see myself the way he sees me.

And I think that’s why something as simple as him showing his friends a picture of us affected me so much. To him, it was a picture of his girlfriend that he loved and wanted to share with people who are important to him. But to me, it was a picture where I could immediately point out everything I hated about myself.

And I guess the whole conversation made me realize that even though I’ve changed so much physically, I still haven’t completely changed the way I see myself.

Hello, 51/F/Michigan lady here. I just want to vent, and maybe get some feedback if you feel like sharing.

I have a crush on a coworker who's retiring in November. Lots of banter, flirting, all that. He's single, blah blah blah. Anyway, I shot my shot and gave him my number last week. To be honest, I don't expect him to text until after he retires, right before thanksgiving. (due to our jobs, I sense he doesn't want to shit where he sleeps until he's formally off campus.)

Anyway, I'm struggling with strong feelings of attachment that I can't get rid of, along with him now being in a super good mood and going out of his way to chat with me. This is normal, but he's almost to happy...like bro, are you really *that* happy or are you laughing at me?

Feeling a bit insecure and no I don't regret giving him my number. But, this whole thing wrecks my brain and it's hard for me. Just had to get it out of my system.

(before everyone comes at me, yes this is a cross-post)

I finally got my first boyfriend (and lost my V lol) at 36 after some bad failed dates--one guy walked out on a date with me and left me with the check after telling me to order what I wanted (a $15 meal). Anyway, I finally got the courage to put myself out there again and fell for this one guy who eventually asked me to be his girlfriend. It ended in him breaking my sexual boundaries to the point of me asking if he took the condom off without telling me (he kept pushing the condom down each time which I told him not to do btw) Then we broke up with him yelling at me that he doesn't want to be around me, after I gave him every loyal ounce that I had to give--treating him to dinner/movies, showing up with his favorite foods, a shirt I'd buy him because I though he'd like it, etc.

The last straw was that I showed up at his house after my first day at my new job thinking he'd ask me about how it went. I got no hug, no kiss, no excitment, nothing. He decided to take a nap after I drove 40mins to see him before he had to go to work. This had happened two times prior as well BTW but I thought maybe he was just going through something...

This last time I was there, same thing--zero affection. I went over to the couch and initiated cuddling with him. After seeing him even ignore that attempt, I eventually asked him "can you please plan a date for me ONE time? I want to feel excited again. Can't you see you're loosing me? Can't you see I'm having to convince you to be my boyfriend?" and as I said this (because yes, I was upset), he continued to watch TV. Then when I asked to talk about it/us and what was going on with him, he said "no because [I] was selfish and ungrateful." Mind you, I planned literally every date and outting and dinner and everything before that.

He got me flowers two times which I thanked him for, often. I told him I want to feel pursued and desired but if there was something I did that bothered him, to please tell me. He said nothing and was OK treating me terribly. I don't believe he was seeing someone else, I just think he has no idea or no desire to put in the work and I never saw it. At one point he told me he'd been on over 100 dates in his time. We had a trip planned to Universal this month (that I myself planned early on and something we both loved) he never offered to pay for his flight on his own without me asking, but showed up to my house with a $600 Nintendo Switch randomly...

...And that's just the tip of the iceberg...every single time we had sex and he finished, he'd get up, get dressed, and leave me there on the bed as I asked him to come back. Even after I told this bothered me a lot, he kept doing it. ..I really wish I would have been brave enough to leave sooner. I asked him did he want to break up, yes or no?" he said yes and I said "OK, I don't deserve any of this" and just walked out. I think hearing his yes was sort of a permission I gave myself to finally stop trying or something. Like I just needed to hear him finally say it.

I'm CRUSHED and STILL find myself wanting to reach out but I will not allow myself to, no matter how much it hurts. We shared good time and laughs and amazing chemistry when we did, but my last memory of him will be him startling me by sternly standing up to me and shouting that he never wanted to be around me. What a great first experience at a relationship I waited my whole life for and lost my virginity to....it's going to be hard for me to date again.

Any tips of how I can spot this behavior sooner? Clearly I'm not able to see things for what they are early enough.

Hi! I’m a 30F and I just met a 35M on a dating app. And in all of his pictures he had a full head of hair. Only in one of them he was wearing a beanie. So when I met him on our first date,I was a little surprised to see about 60% his hair was completely gone, and he was rocking a strange balding pattern. It’s clear that the pictures that he posted were at least 5 to 10 years old.

I would say that I don’t find the current style of his hair all that attractive, but I still like to get to know him because I have been connecting in other ways. I think if he shaved it all off completely, I would really find him attractive again. I actually really like bald men, but the in-between is really throwing me off.

That said, I’m looking for advice to figure out what I should do about this. I do feel like it can be difficult for me to progress physically with me not currently being attracted to him. But I also think it’s way too early for me to ask him to change anything about himself.

I had a guy friend of mine recommend that I go on a couple more dates with him and see if things progress from there, and then I could possibly mention that I think he would look good if he cut his hair off completely. But it does feel like a long time to be unsure about whether I would be attracted to him just to get to that point in a relationship.

Thoughts?

this may sound good to you on paper, but imagine saying this about someone with IQ?

how do you look at people that are always trying to bring up their IQ to you in casual conversation? it's no different if you do it with EQ

if talking about IQ like this is normal to you, than doing the same with EQ wouldn't bother you, but in my experience it is usually bad taste to discuss IQ in this way.

growing up me and my friends all believed that porn was the standard, at least in my area especially around 2016 and the Instagram boom era

but when dating ive mentioned feeling bad because I don’t look like a porn star, and I get the craziest looks from whatever guy I said that to at the moment (for reference I’m a little on the thicker side, and I have a big chest, but I got a little bit of a tum so it’s not like anything you really see in porn)

my current boyfriend almost threw up when I said I wanted to get surgery to look more like a porn star or what I thought was his type

do guys really not think porn is the standard?

Hi 18M Straight.

I just started college and I’m getting through my classes.

I’ve been on two dates in my life both turned into nothing and both I realized about 1/3 through that I wasn’t attracted to them (part they look 10x better in the photo, part act in a way I don’t like)

I’ve heard and roughly understand the idea of a “type”. The kind of person that you are attracted to either in looks or personality.

I can’t really figure out mine. I know I find non-white women generally more attractive but I’d be completely fine being with a fellow white person. I guess I prefer somebody who is generally kind and treats me with respect. And someone who is not on the really heavy side I guess.

I still can’t really wrap my head around it and I have no clue how I can. For context I have High Functioning Autism and I process things a lot differently compared to other people and this might have something to do with it.

I hear “type” and “looking for” thrown around a lot and it kinda confuses me since I don’t know either and I feel behind. I could also be missing something important.

Is this just me being dumb or something or is this normal to have?

Sorry if I said something wrong or anything weird or confusing. It can be difficult for me to put these things into words.

As the title says, I’m a 31 year old guy (turning 32 in a few months), and I can’t help but reflect on how difficult dating has been for me. Truthfully, I can’t really recall a time where anybody has expressed clear interest in me, and it’s making me feel a bit lost.

To be fair, I have had a girlfriend before. But it was back when I was in university (when it was a little easier to interact with other people who share a similar mindset, goals, etc.). After I got out of university, I prioritized my career, grad school, and my personal development. I always thought dating would start to get easier, but I never was able to meet anyone.

On the plus side, I make friends quite easily, and have many friends who are women who have shared their advice with me (or provided some basic support). They seem to think I’m a great catch who women should “be lining up for” (lol). I appreciate my friends for protecting my ego, but I have to admit that this is still pretty disheartening.

- I always wondered if I might be ugly, but my friends insist this isn’t true. I’m about 6’6 feet tall, in good shape, have decently attractive features, dress well, etc. I may not be a runway model, but I definitely don’t think my looks are working against me. There’s always going to be guys who are more attractive out there but I’m happy with how I look.

- I always wondered if maybe my personality just wasn’t good. I used to be pretty shy when I was a teenager. My friends insist this isn’t true either. They say that they think of me as one of the funniest people they know, and claim that we wouldn’t be friends in the first place if my personality sucked.

- I always wondered if perhaps I’m not successful enough. I have an advanced degree and make (what I consider to be) good money, but I know there’s always guys out there who own their own companies, invest in bitcoin (lol), or somehow own three houses. There’s not much else I can do on this one. I will continue to work hard and hope that somebody appreciates it one day.

Overall, I feel like I’m doing the right things. I’m not afraid to make conversation with people that I find interesting. But there’s not a lot I can do when it feels like so many people are already taken. Not to mention, it feels like when I develop feelings for someone, they always end up having feelings for someone else (and that’s not an easy bar to overcome either). I’ve never been on a dating app before. I’ve always preferred in person interaction, but I feel like I may have no choice but to break down and try online dating at some point.

TLDR: Does anyone else feel like they’re just stuck in a cycle like this? I just feel like I have good qualities, yet it just doesn’t mean anything.

The last time I was dating and on the apps was in my late 20s. I’m now approaching my mid 30s, having taken a few years off dating due to a bad breakup and then a rough patch with health issues.

I’m thinking of dating again, but I read ALL THE TIME that women in their mid/late 30s are viewed poorly on the apps and have a rough experience. It’s low key terrifying me.

I would loveeee to hear from women in this age group, or even men dating women in this age group - has this been your experience? Has anyone had success stories? Please share and help a girl out with some positivity!