I looked her straight in the eye and said, “Nice try... you look like a normal-sized biologist to me.”

🎶 Sweet Karo Line 🎶

He said WTF?!

It wasn't stroganoff

He ran away from the Rolling Stones

Because a school of hippos would be a hippocampus

...I'm really excited for her to be making some dough!

It comes at a time of great knead, our finances have been really crumby lately. We've been in a bit of a debt hole and now we can finally rise above it!

Looking forward to life with another bread-winner in the house!

(Inspired by real events - I was only going to do one celebratory pun but then I got on a roll...)

Jeff Pesos

Listen, it's OK.

It was a Jim, Jimothy, Jim, Jimothy, Jim, Jim jury.

Partial arts

She’d do anything for love but she won’t do VAT

There’s a lovely key change at the end

Wife - What makes you say that?

Husband - He’s been miserable lately.

Me: 0mg

This just now happened...

Went into O'Reilly for brake pads. Guy at the counter said, "What are you needing today?"

I said, "I need brake pads."

He got his fingers on the keyboard and said, "OK, what's it for?"

I said, "It helps your car stop."

Thankfully she came around.

Oh well 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

She replied, “Um… yeah, sure.”

I asked him "Where do you think they get #2 pencils?"

It drove my sister nuts.

Colonel

I lost in the first round. I didn't do well!

Skullptures

That's why iPad my stats.