DISCLAIMER

There's a stereotype that we're all blue haired, full of tattoos and piercings people. And sure, some of us are like that and that's totally fine.

I'm pretty vanilla looking, no tattoos, natural brown hair color, no piercings, nothing like that - and I still suffer from the full BPD criteria.

Sometimes the stereotype makes me feel crazy, like do I even have BPD if I don't "look the part" according to the stereotype. Then I look at my symptoms and I'm like "yup I definitely have it".

Does anyone relate?

This is not me claiming this cures my bpd. I’m medicated and in therapy and still very much so have my symptoms good and bad days. I very recently lost everyone I love- blew my life up and starting from scratch. (And now also may have a bi-polar diagnosis in my future too) so I am very much so still going through the wringer BUT I wanted to maybe suggest if you are blessed to be able to run give it a try. Start small and work your way up to more. I find I feel amazing and happy after my runs, and when I’m feeling angry I run, when I’m happy I run, all its done is made my mind feel more calm (along side all the other things I do to maintain myself e.i meds and therapy those things are very important). I’ve been running for about a month now and have seen a change in how often my downs and spirals/splits have been. I assume this is because of how endorphins work and how bpd works in our brain (again I’m not a doctor and this is not a cure or is a good fit for everyone) but thought I’d just share this little celebration for myself and to maybe suggest to some to give it a try!
Also wish me luck! I have a 5k end of this month too!
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

Anyone else into bdsm and rough sex? And does anyone know what it stems from. I don't have any major sexual trauma so I'm wondering if it's just a disorder thing or something like that. I don't really think it stems from anything bad, it's just something I like. Some people say these interests spawn from trauma but it's not the case here

Seriously. Like this disorder is already the absolute worst as it is. Now you’re telling me that I’m going to begin majorly obsessing over someone I didn’t even decide I wanted to like?

I’m starting to form a new fp with this guy I met over a year ago. I don’t want him to be my fp lol he’s chaotic, emotionally unavailable and overall we would not be a good match. I know he’d trigger my bpd. But, I’m also having a hard time cutting him off.

On the other hand, I have a guy who is incredibly kind and wants to constantly spoil me obsessing over me. Like, why can’t I choose him to be my fp?

I hate this disorder more than anything.

I am looking to hear from individuals with BPD who are currently married or in long-term relationships. How are things going for you? If your relationship is stable, what specific tools, boundaries, or therapy styles (like DBT) helped you get there? If things are rocky or if you are struggling with the push-pull dynamic, how are you navigating it? I’d love to hear real, honest experiences. My spouse got diagnosed with BPD, I need help understanding how to maintain a healthy stable relationship. Any helpful stories or advice, do's and don'ts appreciated. Again, share bad experiences too, just want to be prepared for it.

My single worst BPD trait was "bombarding" (as I like to call it, but "harass" is probably more accurate) people. I'd get desperate when I realized someone was ignoring me, or after we fell out, and do the clichéd thing of contacting them repeatedly.

I don't do it anymore, and I haven't in a decade. Four years ago, I realized an internet friend was ignoring me, and I felt the urge to start, but I blocked him before I could, then unblocked him a couple of months later and didn't contact him.

I am still filled with so much guilt and embarrassment. It also (unsurprisingly) got me into a lot of trouble, and I had to deal with the consequences.

Hi friends!

I would like to start a thread full of breakup survival tips for us struggling with BPD. Breakups can be extremely hard and I think this can be a great post for people to refer to when in need.

Wether you were the dumper or the dumpee
Maybe doubted your decision and drowning in self hate and regret or you were struggling to accept what happened?

Please share below any tips and tricks you have that helped you get through a breakup - even if they are small.
Small things can add up :)

And for those going through it, I hope you can refer to this post whenever things get rough. :)

I haven't expereinced alot of physical violence but a problem that i often encounter are avoidant partners who gradually pull away. This is kind of the most retruamatising possible thing for someone with BPD to go through and when ever i notice this happening it seems to devolve into a cycle of criticism apologies and further pulling away. It becomes a consistent drain on my ability to emotionally regulate but it's such a gradual pull away that it's only when it's too late that you can point to the damage, and see that you were right all along.

I've tried to leave early when i was unsure and it always feels uncertain and uncomfortable. It's like sure maybe i was lovebombed and this is the real them? But also, shouldn't i use this as an opportunity to work on my DBT skills? Shouldn't i give them the benefit of the doubt? My body is screaming and my heart is racing but hey, irrational fear right?

Sometimes I just generally can’t comprehend the utter loneliness I feel as a 25 year old female.

I have the most supportive family I could ask for but there are times where something has happened It can be a good thing or bad thing. something I wanna cry about, something I wanna rant or vent, something I’ve seen and I have no one to tell I have no friends.
I have nobody to talk to on a daily basis I have my mum and my dad but times like when they’re on holiday. I’m not gonna call them and tell them I feel this or that and the other cause they’re busy they’re doing their own things.
I have people I “talk” to but literally we check in every few months and it’s not really that deep. It’s all surface level because it’s almost like they have more important friendships to focus on and I completely understand that but when I say I have nono one to talk to I truly don’t.
I just feel like I have no connection to anyone apart from my parents, they are the only ones that care about what I’ve watched on Netflix, what I’ve doodled, just general stuff that you used share with friends I don’t have anyone to go on experience things with going on holiday with go date with in a friendship way
My parents are so amazing if I asked them to do something with me they would go but I just don’t have someone my age that will willingly care for me in a way of friendship should

I am tired of seeing how much stigma this disorder has.

I will see a text chain on a subreddit, as I always do, read the comments.

In nearly every single post, I see at least one comment that mentions bpd.

Just putting every shitty person under the label of this disorder.

It is extremely damaging & it's everywhere.

I have bpd & yet I wouldn't dream of messaging some of the things i've read in these messages.

Yet, because I have the disorder, i'm automatically gnna be tied into being a shitty person.

Fine, i've had my moments, just like alot of us have.

Yet.... the guilt consumes me and I apologise immediately and face the consequences, then try to understand why it happened and how to change.

My mum once mentioned to her sister in law that I am diagnosed bpd & her response was, oh, everyone has bpd now....

Completely lessened the agony I face with this disorder, every single day and just blanket diagnosed everyone.

It seems social media has spread the disorder and given the stigma way more power and apparently has been taken as a blanket term for bad people.

I wasn't born this way, I was traumatised and my start at life was terrible.

Yet I grow up and learn, because of that, everyone's going to hate me more, because of the label.

Not only did my childhood suck, it chains to consequences I didn't do.

I know we can be hard to deal with as we are emotional. I know I’m hard to deal with especially due to me also being autistic. I have to ask. Is what may or may not be considered a death threat by a family member a common way people deal with us? Had an autistic meltdown because I got overwhelmed(that’s the joy of being autistic and having bpd at the same time. It is extremely overwhelming especially when I have a lot on my plate). So my mom got mad at me and said I make it very hard for people to want to help me and then she said that sometimes I make her want to shoot me in the head. That was really shocking to hear so I told her to do it. She made this face which I think was anger? And started hitting me in the face. Though most of them I blocked with my hands to they didn’t make contact. Really she didn’t hit me that hard either. I asked if she was threatening me and she said she might be. Is this common? Is this often how people deal with BPD individuals? Also is it common to almost always have someone in your life being mean to or maybe even abusing you?(not 100% on if I can call it abuse though as most people in my life never hit me or cause damage so idk). I want to talk to somebody in my life but fear they will report my mom. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to get kicked out and plus I care about her and don’t want any issues in her life. I’m already a big enough issue.

today’s been especially rough. spent the entire day alone. i haven’t left the house since i had to go to the vet to euthanise my pet. been over a month now. i feel so alone. i want attention. i want to see my fp. feel so sad :(

I just feel very alone the fact that there are like 4 people in my life who know i have bpd and i feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about this and i wish i could talk to someone who has bpd and understands how much splitting hurts or not being able to control your emotions. Wish i could have a few conversations with people who would understand

Is this normal? My anger gets soo bad i can see myself punching that person, shoving them and fucking beat them in that moment(i would never do that actually because when it passes its all good but in that moment i CAN HARDLY CONTROL MYSELF. Goddddd… and then i start crying because i cant get this anger out or i beat myself and slap my face so hard.

I got into trouble with the law a couple of years ago and since then I have participated in programs that have expunged all the charges I once had. This situation, among others, was fueled by alcohol. I had a problem I wasn’t willing to admit. I wanted to self medicate so I did. That led to me driving after drinking (and a nap, if that matters) with my son in the car. I can’t particularly explain what happened to cause me to get pulled over besides the fact that a retired officer alleged that I was all over the road. If thats true, it’s probably because I couldn’t find my vape. I even texted my brother to see if he grabbed it by accident to which he said no. Anyway.

I miss a turn going to my house and start to turn around when I see blue lights. I knew in my soul what was about to happen but I tried my best to get out of it. My son was asleep, thank god. He thought he was just having a sleepover and didn’t have a care in the world.

Over the course of over two years, my case was finally dropped in full and my record is clean. However, I’m apparently on a list of people who abuse children. I made a mistake and I live with it every day, but I can assure you my son is not nor has he ever been abused. He should have never been in the car and I wish he hadn’t been. I take full responsibility for what happened but goddamn it was rough.

Getting all of this off my record, I figured I can finally find a job. And I did. I’ve done everything they asked me to, set up an appointment for them to get fingerprints (not sure why it’s sort of a medical industry so idk. Today I got an email saying I’m on a list of child abusers and that I can’t go on with employment. They gave my the option to dispute and the lady said she would run my report again once it’s gone. That’s the only hope I have. I was/am excited to start this job and moreover I am SO excited to get all this shit behind me for good. I think the last thing I need to do is call the state and have them remove my name since my felony case was dropped with prejudice (or without. Whichever one means it can’t be used against me again) please cross your fingers for me. I am so envious and disappointed and kind of excited still but mostly sad. That incident does not represent the mother that I am. Since then, I have taken so much more care of my mental health and gotten help I desperately need. I’m 709 days sober—the longest I’ve ever been without alcohol since I was a teenager. The highs feel high until the lows come in the boy are they low.

I'm in my late 30s and have BPD. I keep getting rejected by people who find me too much when all I want is a bit of communication and kindness. I'd really love a friend who can understand me better and not be so quick to judge me and push me away for being who I am.

I do a lot of work on myself. I try to be patient and fair and not overly clingy but I do still have some needs and I attach in certain ways most people don't resonate with. I'm also very chronically ill and disabled so there's that too. I'm a writer and love music. I just got a dog.

If anyone wants to chat please let me know.

What are your favorite tools and videos? Tips? I’ve been putting it off, but slowly my stubbornness is leaning towards giving it a try. Definitely looking for a DBT for Dummies type situation so I don’t psych myself out.

I will enter 23 years old on december, i got dignosied with BPD when i was 18

Every attempt at psychotherapy or medication has failed, despite five years of trying various doctors and therapists.

I just need someone to tell me that, one day, I will be able to truly "live" not just "survive" to live without that pain in my chest or along my nerves, and without the feeling that my nervous system is literally burning.

I need a glimmer of hope that this pain might, one day, improve even just a little.

I have had three/four romantic partners in the last six months and all have left me with some ghosting me. With one lady I only went on a single date but I become so attached. I vacillate between hating them, and missing them terribly. I have attachment issues and I have read on DBT, and CBT and I see the skills and I know they can help but I am rejecting them because I think there is a possibility that if I reach out enough times or show them what was possible they will accept me. It is so pathetic but here I am. Radical acceptance seems like an insurmountable obstacle and I am afraid to practice because I sometimes feel I would rather be miserable then think of the possibility of being without either of these persons. To see them one more time is like a drug and I know I am going to make myself suffer but it is hard to stop. Every relationship in my life has ended in me being dumped besides me being a decent not bad looking not unsuccessful person. This leads me to strive for acceptance because I have to show/tell/convince that I am worthy.

i’m not sure if this is even connected to my BPD or maybe just anxiety, but does anyone else struggle with horrible social anxiety and letting embarrassing moments completely overcome them?
I struggle a lot with social settings, i’m a total extrovert tho, i love going out with friends and having a good time, but that’s only when i’m drinking lol, me sober is a completely different thing.
i’m so awkward and have such a hard time talking to people because i just get to anxious and think everything i say is embarrassing, everyone’s judging me, etc. ive always been in awe of people who can just start a conversation with ease.
and even when i do, the embarrassment of it keeps me awake for weeks, just replaying in my mind.
i know everyone just says to put yourself out there and exposure therapy is the cure, but how do you even do THAT? my mind just does not allow me to work past my anxiety.

So I dated a girl that told me that she had bpd for 2.5 months and the relationship was really good, we never fought or anything and we were getting really close to each other, one day i noticed a couple of things on ig so i decided to speak with her about her following her ex on ig again (she said that it was a bad relationship so that's why i decided to speak to her about it) hiding insta stories from me and that she was distancing herself from me, she didn't address any of this and just told me that she didn't feel anything anymore and wanted to end things.

The day after we broke up i picked up my stuff from her house and told her goodbye with a hug, she asked me if i wanted to be friends and I told her yes but to give me some time. We didn't block each other on ig and a couple of days after she was back with her ex, after that she unfollowed me and deleted me from her followers.

I've been respecting her distance and haven't had any contact with her since then, but lately I've been thinking about reaching out to know how she's doing, i have a lot of empathy for her and would like to help her even as a friend. What is your opinion?

So whenever I get upset or bothered about something I get into these moods where I become withdrawn. It mostly happens with my boyfriend. When I feel great I’m super warm and excited and fun around him. When something bothers me I can’t access that same warmth. I’m super flat, quiet, disinterested. When I’m like that and he tries to talk to me or be affectionate I’m super resistant to it. I remove his contact a lot whether it’s because I’m mad or whatever. I feel like the reason I do it is because when I have him in my contacts it doesn’t match how I’m feeling. I don’t feel that warmth towards him the way I do when I feel fine. But it’s not like because I hate him I just feel differently. It’s hard to explain. If we’re doing something and I’m in a mood there will be things I think of saying that I would normally say if I wasnt in a mood but don’t say like the words just don’t come out. For some reason I just don’t feel comfortable saying that stuff when I’m like that. Idk if these are just regular mood swings or if it’s something more like bpd. But these moods happen often and I feel like I can’t snap out of it.

Hello, I am coming to you all with a question that I may know the answer to but I feel as though the only person who can answer this is you. Google or research through doctors would render useless, I need an answer from actual people! My question is
How does one help, more so how can I be there.
I know I cannot save a person and it isn’t my wish to. Truly I believe there’s nothing to save from. When people talk about suicide and people who have committed, the one thing that I see that constantly comes up is “don’t forget to check on people” but surely telling someone “I’m just checking in on you” renders useless. I know it’s rendered useless for me if I ever received it, so I know that is not the way to truly be beside someone. If anyone reads and has any insight I’d love to hear and converse. Someone I love in my life has BPD and I want to be more compassionate and with them, but there’s literally nothing useful out there. It all renders a bunch of pity bullshit from people who don’t know what it’s actually like to live it. So I’m asking if anyone has anything. What could someone do to stand with you and show that they actually care about you?