I was walking to meet up with my group at the library for a project. (I had presentation yesterday and it went great). I saw a bunch of posters talking about different mental illnesses in detail (histrionic disorder, ocd, narcissistic disorder, even phobias). Then I saw Bipolar disorder. I’d say it covers this disorder clearly, what do u guys think?

Can someone help me about if I did the right thing? About an hour ago, I had been crying uncontrollably, not breathing well etc. out of my mind. I called my dr- they can’t get me in til Wednesday.

I told work I need a leave of absence so she called me and asked what was going on. I wad crying and panicky when she called and she asked if I could elaborate and I just told her mental health problems, I did want to disclose my diagnoses.

She asked if it was something related to work and it was. It was actually the last straw before I went into this psychosis. Recently, I have done unimaginable things that I normally wouldn’t do. I don’t even want to share it’s so bad.

So this thing at work tripped the switch and she asked if it was work related and I said partially and explained what happened.

I don’t know if I should have done that or what my next step is. I’m married with kids. I plan on trying to get the mortgage on forbearance. It’s just too much.

I kicked my husband out of the house last week because I thought he was stalking me and listening to my phone calls. One example of the many things I have done recently.

Anyone go through issues with work? I’ve had 8 jobs in the past 3 years and really like this one. It’s easy and I was fine up until now.

As my mood swings my posts/replies can get to out there. Even with medicine. Reddit just nailed me with a warning! I was like Sorry. I am sorry but I know it can easily happen again. I wonder how many bipolar users are getting tossed off Reddit each day for failing the policies. I like Reddit I just have to try more control or make notes to triple check my posts before hitting that Post button. I already feel like I am a goner.

I know I’m only at the beginning of my journey, and I believe people when they say it gets easier, but right now I feel like I’m gnawing at the bars of my own enclosure.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar I at 23, and after losing my job, I couldn’t access treatment for a few months. Eventually, I had a manic episode that almost put me in the hospital. Since then, I’ve been trying to find the right treatment, and honestly, I’m exhausted.

I want to feel stable, but some of my experiences with treatment have left me feeling restless, emotionally numb, and disconnected from myself. I’m scared of having to choose between managing my bipolar and still feeling like me.

For those of you who’ve been through this, how did you cope with the trial-and-error stage? How did you stay hopeful when finding the right treatment felt impossible?

I genuinely feel so stuck :(

I already experience this enough with people who are “close” to me in my personal life, given that I have no friends.

I get so depressed

sorry, English is not my native language

I hate feeling like shit all the time. I hate having to second guess anytime I feel good. I hate having to take meds and not being stable in them yet and having the worst hair trigger mood swings I’ve ever had. I hate fighting with my wife because literally everything is pissing me off. I hate knowing that I’ll never be “normal”. Sometimes I just want to have a breakdown and not be labeled as crazy. I want the hallucinations and psychotic symptoms to stop I want my brain to be quiet for once. I never want to hear “it gets better” again because apparently it freaking doesn’t it just gets better and takes a nose dive again. I want the side effects from meds to stop interfering with my job performance and damn I just want a 3 day knockout sleep to reset

Sorry and thank you for coming to my ted talk

Well I’ve posted twice before. I can’t believe how low I was before I got help. I keep calling it 10 minutes to suicide as that’s how long it would have taken me to finish my plan. I posted asking if I should get help, you all said it unanimously. It was hard to admit, I’ve prided myself for ages on taking care of myself without help from anyone, a bipolar diagnosis literally changed my self identity overnight. There’s a long way to go, and my mind keeps telling me as soon as I’m out of here we’re doing it but I’m hopeful I will get the help I need. Also…. I’m in BC where we have the BC Mental Health Act. It’s saved my life by preventing me from walking out of here feeling good, I crashed hard in the hours following.

Anyway, I appreciate you all for the words. I’ve never discussed mental health openly before a week ago, and it’s saved my life.

Caption.

This same exact doctor kept misdiagnosing me and pushed SSRI after SSRI for 2 years straight.

I’m from a European country where there’s a social security appointed one in each city territory that you can go to for free. I went to see a private one finally 4 months ago, and she’s been a godsend angel. She immediately put me on two medications which have been working amazingly.

So I went back to the free one, just to get my meds prescribed every month from now on. This can usually be down by phone, but since I haven’t been to her in months her assistant told me come in.

I tell the doctor what I’ve been diagnosed with (type 2) and my medication. She said that I look very “well dressed and good looking” (??) and that I don’t seem like someone with bipolar.

I was so shocked I couldn’t even respond, what actual fuck do you mean? Like yes I am finally functioning like normal BECAUSE of the medications.

She refused to prescribe me anything but the SSRI I was taking before my first very bad hypomanic episode. I walked out on her and simply said “thanks for nothing.” I cannot believe how or why this woman got her degree. But she shouldn’t be practicing.

The meds themselves cost like 2 euros, but I have to pay the rest of my life (rather until this bitch retires) to get them prescribed. 🤘🏻

had a moment with my partner the other night, and learned a lot about myself that i wasn't prepared to learn. dedicated the entire next day just to processing it all. sometimes you remember something, and then you keep remembering. and eventually, the remembering itself blurs together, and becomes an overwhelming task of its own. do i have to remember? do i get a choice?

I’m not sure what’s going on right now. Some things are off like overspending, being more productive, big bursts of anger/irritability, not sleeping much and increased confidence. But I don’t have euphoria or endless energy.

What bothers me most are the thoughts. I feel like certain people can read my mind. That everything is a lie. That my bipolar isn’t a thing - I just made it up. Everything is fake.

But then on the flip side, there’s something that makes me question these thoughts - they are wrong. I just created them by overthinking.

The best way I can put it is that - I think I believe the statements above, but I don’t trust them.

What is going on? Can anyone help?

Seen a new psychiatrist and this one told me its not bipolar because I didnt spend all my money from a loan I took out during a manic episode where I suddenly moved 200 miles away, lived out my car, tried to start my own business and then crashed and went home.

Im just tired of every psychiatrist saying something different.

Ihave lived with bipolar disorder since I was 18—essentially my entire adult life—and it has been with me ever since I started dating and entering into relationships. So its already like almost 8 years.

My disease is untreated.

Every time I meet new men, they aren’t interested in me as a potential long-term partner; there’s always an ex they’re obsessed with, or some other "better" woman.

Why does this keep happening?

Is it because of my appearance?

I am a slim woman with an average-looking face (I’m not beautiful; I have an average face).

Does not having a pretty face mean I’m doomed to be alone for the rest of my life?

I feel like no one has ever truly loved me. At best, they just want to use my body for a while, or they treat me like a free therapist—crying to me about their exes.

I’m tired by it.

I don’t understand—what am I doing wrong?

My bipolar primarily manifests as dysphoric mania or mixed states, alternating with depression. Happy mania is quite rare for me.

Why am I so unlucky in love?

Is my face to blame—do men only want pretty girls?

On dating sites, I exclusively choose "average" men because my self-esteem is low, yet even they treat me poorly.

I try to avoid making prolonged eye contact with people; when I’m depressed, I feel like they’re judging my ugliness. When I’m in a manic state, I don’t want to scare them, as my gaze can be quite intense.

Do you also struggle to find luck in love, or is there something wrong with me?

I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW HARD THIS SHIT IS.

I AM FINANCIALLY STRESSED.

AND I HATE MYSELF FOR HAVING A CHILD IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Ok rant over imma take my meds.

This is going to be a bit long, but I have taken the latest energy I have to write all of this because I am being kicked down by depression. I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder two years ago. I've been medicated until recently. I am experiencing my first seasonal depression unmedicated in a long time, and honestly, I feel... awful, not to say totally hopeless.

I am a psychology student, and I've been missing university. I can't get out of my bed, I don't shower, and let's not talk about my hair. I have curly hair, and I haven't brushed it in three weeks. I have knots; I don't know how to fix that. I don't eat, and the worst of all, I keep pushing my friends away and destroying my relationships. I don't know what to do. A friend of mine wants to help, but I am in such a miserable state that I don't want anyone to drown with me, so I've been isolating myself from everyone except my mother (my mother is the type to force her help. I am getting help without a choice. But your friends, they aren't your mothe So, it's not their responsibility to bear that, right? )

I've hurt my friends by telling them to go away and that I want to be left alone. Things they did. And now I don't know. I am alone. Guilt is eating me alive.

Now I am a Muslim, I believe in God, and it saves me from feeling totally helpless or having suicidal ideation. But I am exhausted, and my executive function is totally zero. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix myself. My relationships, I don't know how I can stop being a burden to others. I just want to know what I can do. I sleep all day, and I am offline on my socials. I just want to be heard or listened to by people with the same condition as me. I feel so alone, but it's all my fault Ive been looking for it.

Thank you for reading all of this. I just. wish for my spark. I am not someone like this I usually live, i am usually optimistic. Now it's like watching my old self from a window

hello everyone! i’m looking to hear any stories on how it went to come off medication safely, which is my plan. after 2 years of trying different medications, i really just want to get off of them and try being without them due to all the side effects ive been having to go thru. i am BP2. what habits have you picked up that has helped you manage while unmedicated?

I don't know what to do. I've been in the midst of a depressive episode and been fairly suicidal the past few days. I'm in the middle of nowhere, at least 2 hours from where I live, and I think I've talked myself down. However, the bus back doesn't come for at least 6 hours. I think I'm in a safe place now. I know I need to get help in some form, but I don't know where to go or what to say. My therapist appointment is tomorrow, but it's over 24 hours away, and I'm worried that if I wait that long, I'll brush it off as if nothing happened. What can I do in the meantime, and what should I do once I get back? Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated. I'm not reaching out to a support line because I've had bad experiences there in the past. Thanks

Hi all!

What are some songs that encapsulate life w/Bipolar for you or represent it to you?

For me, I've associated "People Watching" by Sam Fender, initially because I discovered it on the radio during a Manic episode when I would go driving alone aimlessly for hours without telling anyone where I was going, music blaring, windows down, down the streets of the city I was living in, sometimes at night. There's a drive to the song that evokes the energy of Mania for me, because as chaotic as it is in actuality, it isn't chaotic at all for me in the moment, it's just reality. "I can't stop running".

There's a melancholic, pensive sense of decay and impending loss lyrically that speaks to the darkness or Depressive, self-destructive side of my Bipolar, especially when it's occurred in a mixed episode in tandem with the (hypo)manic high that feels like a roller coaster I can barely cling on to. And while it also speaks to the fact that I am on the Autism Spectrum and have always felt a sense of disconnection or delay between myself and everyone and everything around me, just the idea of people watching speaks to the immense disconnection and "derangement" I've experienced before. People have no idea what's going on when they look at me. And hey, I have absolutely no idea what could be going on behind those eyes or in that heart or soul across from me. "Somebody's darling's on the streets tonight."

Ultimately, however, there's a spirit of perseverance, of choosing to hold love and the ones we love close, even when it means grief or heartbreak, that pierces through the song for me. Even when it hurts, it is an absolute wonder to be alive, to be me, and I hold onto that when the darkness tries its best to swallow me whole and make me do something to myself I would regret and take back if I could run back the clock. I know my uncle would if he could today. I've been too close to that edge to afford to let that God-given spirit of life and enduring for love's sake go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz3F_U5nkjw

Title says it all. 28f with bipolar 1 with severe psychotic features. I haven’t been sleeping well so I took an extra dose of my sleeping med last night and still couldn’t sleep. I also haven’t been eating. My med dosages were recently increase. My psychiatrist did warn me that this could cause mania, and to alert her if I notice. But tbh… I don’t want to tell her, or anyone really. I’m so used to feeling like dog shit, feeling down, depressed, SI, you name it. I’d like to just experience a good feeling for a while, but I know how dangerous mania becomes. I wish mania didn’t come with a set of problems. I enjoy feeling up and alert; not a brain dead, depressed, non-functional zombie. Don’t worry as I’m going to message my psychiatrist today. Just wanted to express my emotions a little. Thanks.

sorry I know I've been here a bit lately.

So I have a psychology apppt today,. She knows about thew few things I've done. Last couple monthsm got onto therapwurtic level of medication yay! no more psychosis. Within the last ?month? I've overdosed (she sent me to emergency), self harmed requiring surgery (she broke confidentiality) and since another coupole of things. My concern is that if I'm honest about things in the last coule of weeks that she'll break confidentiality again.

I;ve skipped my meds three times without telling support person (taken them from him and slipped into pocket) and each time mood gone sky-high and I'e got barely any sleep but felt extremely rested. Also took some of a potent poison couple days ago.

Some friends/family members, Tho Not All, have claimed I'm some favour of manice. I think theyr exaggerating and wayy overreacting. Psychiatrist couplw weeks ago was fine w me said I was doing great and lookin happy.

If I tell psychologist abot the two para up stuff I'm concerned she'll talk to support person again. Don't want that.

Known that reasoning is combo of at times Entity suggesting/reminding/giving dosages etc. around 'risky' stuff, and the know that I'm functionally invincible.

So how do I make sure professionals know what they should know to make their assessments, but without them freaking out?

Friens yesterday also asked when I was going inpatient and it confused and annoyed me. I don't need to go inpatient I'm literaly fine and doing s well. I have energy and I'm etting stif done.

thanks for readin in advance

Does anyone else get nervous when they're happy and in a good mood / doing more things? I'm always afraid an upcoming manic phase is on so much sometimes I hope I stay depressed so at least mania won't come because mine is very destructive and even worse will set off psychosis. I thought about going out tonight and enjoying a fun night out but I was reminded with how much I went out in my mania and then it wasn't exciting anymore. I used to have so much fun dressing up and going out and now it feels ruined

I'm an old lady, 60 now, diagnosed 10 years ago bipolar 2. I was in a very abusive marriage for 30 years before that . My psychiatrist actually the second psychiatrist who diagnosed me told me I kept myself from going off the deep end by keeping my bipolar in check . There were definitely signs, there was depression there was hypo, but nothing really happened until I got divorced . Then I went on a Big Time manic episode . Followed by a big time depressive episode .

When I was a teenager I was hospitalized at least twice that I remember . But that was at least 45 years ago . Nobody really knew what bipolar was at that point .

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​ I have been medicated and stable now for the last 7 years. I eat right I sleep right I take my medications. I own a business , I have grandchildren . I have a boyfriend . So reading through some of these posts from people who are younger , even at an older age you can live your life with bipolar.

​​ I really don't know why I'm posting . I just need to get the words out .