DISCLAIMER

Hi friends!

I would like to start a thread full of breakup survival tips for us struggling with BPD. Breakups can be extremely hard and I think this can be a great post for people to refer to when in need.

Wether you were the dumper or the dumpee
Maybe doubted your decision and drowning in self hate and regret or you were struggling to accept what happened?

Please share below any tips and tricks you have that helped you get through a breakup - even if they are small.
Small things can add up :)

And for those going through it, I hope you can refer to this post whenever things get rough. :)

I haven't expereinced alot of physical violence but a problem that i often encounter are avoidant partners who gradually pull away. This is kind of the most retruamatising possible thing for someone with BPD to go through and when ever i notice this happening it seems to devolve into a cycle of criticism apologies and further pulling away. It becomes a consistent drain on my ability to emotionally regulate but it's such a gradual pull away that it's only when it's too late that you can point to the damage, and see that you were right all along.

I've tried to leave early when i was unsure and it always feels uncertain and uncomfortable. It's like sure maybe i was lovebombed and this is the real them? But also, shouldn't i use this as an opportunity to work on my DBT skills? Shouldn't i give them the benefit of the doubt? My body is screaming and my heart is racing but hey, irrational fear right?

this is hard to describe, because it makes me sound and feel like a malicious person. i’m very prone to feeling unloved and alone, and i have a lot of suicidal ideation. i’m finding that, as things are shifting with my fp (i think they’re trying to wind things down to leave me but that could be my irrational thought), i think about suicide more often. but also, i fantasize about their reaction to my suicide. it doesn’t bring me comfort, i still hurt for them, but i can’t stop imagining how they’d react if i was gone. i keep having to tell myself i can’t harm myself to make people care, that this isn’t who i am and it’s just something living inside my brain. worse are on really bad days when i imagine that they wouldn’t care. i don’t want to hurt my friends in that way, but i can’t stop thinking and working through logistics in my head. does anyone else experience this?

Trigger warning: discussing self harm

I’ve been clean of self harm for a few months now, but I’m at an especially stressful point in my life right now where I deeply desire to start doing it again.

Like I spend so much time thinking about it now and knowing myself, I’m probably going to relapse soon. But I really want to prevent it. Does anyone have advice for fighting these especially tough urges?

Thank you.

For the past couple months, I’ve been so depressed, and everyone I love is leaving me. Around two weeks ago I decided to do IT. I quickly regretted it. But for once in my life as I was fading away, I felt some sort of happiness, and calm. I tried thinking about my FP and Istg it felt like a didn’t care about them anymore. It was amazing. But it lasted only a couple seconds. I haven’t told anybody about it, not even my therapist (I know I should but I’m still not prepared)

I’ve been thinking a lot about that ever since.
And lately whenever I get too overwhelmed and anxious I think about my death and it brings me some sort of relief.

I know this isn’t healthy and I’m NOT encouraging this behaviour.

If you also feel like this please remember you are not alone and seek professional help ❤️‍🩹

I dont like who I am sober. I’m only 20 yet I don’t have a mom or a dad to go to as I’ve had to cut contact with them and couch surf the past months before finally being able to afford a place. I lean on friends and partners too much yet I feel bad for that so I’ve resorted to weed so I can’t feel anything. I can’t feel the weight of my life, the weight of who I am, the weight of my trauma, the weight of anything other than my cat sitting on my chest.

I question everyday if it’s worth it to keep going when I’m sober because all I feel is emptiness. I get overwhelmed at the bills I have to pay and wish I could crawl back to my parents but I cut them off for a reason.

I feel like I’m more likeable intoxicated because sober me puts a wall. I become so stone cold and distant because of how much I feel but at least when the edible hits, it feels like life is put on pause. I like being high alone. I won’t burden anyone, cry to anyone, because I can actually handle myself in that moment. Other than that, living is insufferable. I work to escape and that’s it. Nothing feels fulfilling anymore.

(not avoiding accountability just rambling)

My memory sucks, I don't really know what's going on around me, I don't have common sense, and I can't tell when I'm acting in my own best interest or not.

I'll drop anything for someone who shows me one (1) act of kindness.

I act on impulse and there isn't really a solid thought process behind any of my decisions. I get maybe one useful thought in my head per day. Otherwise it's just useless daydreaming/ruminating.

I can tell other people see this. I have also been told this to my face. Most people talk to me in a high-pitched voice like they would to a kid. I do think I have some kind of undiagnosed learning disability, I did not retain most of what I learned in high school and college and was pushed through classes I didn't really pass. I'm not really sure how I've made it this far.

Sometimes I feel like a big part of why daily life is so hard for me is just that I'm kinda slow.

Oh also verbal instructions I do not understand. And spatial awareness. Despite lots of effort put into trying to develop those skills. Very difficult for me.

i have constant thoughts of SI. i am having flashbacks of being sexual assaulted. i have no one. i’ve cried and cried and cried for hours for multiple days in a row, i’ve done nothing but cry. i posted in another sub and they said i was guilting someone by mentioning SI. i’m made to feel like a terrible person in all directions.

i just want to understand why i have to pay the price for what they did to me. why do i have to be the one who’s fucking personality is ruined? why do i have to be the one who wants to end it just to make tjr pain end?

i’ve posted so many times in the past day and i csnt get any help. no one actually cares and i dont want to be alone anymore it is so painful i am genuinely terrified and i just want to make it stop

I'm almost 33 and I was diagnosed with BPD at 25. I always knew something was wrong with me before diagnosis, but in that time, it helped me to cope with my mind knowing what was my problem. Since then, I've been suffering so constantly, that I don't know how to deal anymore with good times.

I found a good job, I lost some weight and started to be more active and healthy, even met with some old friends I've veen avoiding for more than one year. Everything was good, until yesterday. I was at work and couldn't handle it, I resigned and today I've been in bed the whole day, thinking of myself as a failure once again

Any advice in how to learn to live like a normal person? I'm scared one of these days will end everything.

Hi.. I've posted here before but I just wanted to post this to see if anyone else has experienced this? I'm a woman, and recently I was talking to a guy and I liked him alot and I thought he liked me too. Even though he did NOTHING to make me freak out, obviously I freaked out. I cried and stuff, the usual, but what I REALLY wanted to make this post for was the body reactions I got.

My body specifically was struggling alot NGL... I was having stomach issues, like IBS flare-ups. I also was so stressed I had blood mixed with my urine as if I was on my period, and I couldn't keep any food down otherwise I'd get the urge to puke it up. I figured out it was anxiety, but I was curious if anyone else had this happen to them too? Thanks in advance if anyone replies.

Thank you to any/all who are willing to answer, My DMs are open to those who are more comfortable chatting there.

• Are there restrictions on the kinds of possessions you are allowed to have? 
• What does the day to day routine look like in there?
• Is therapy mandatory
• Are some of the patients there violent, and if they have a history of violence are they still allowed to mingle with the others?
• Did you/Could you socialise or make friends with the other patients?
• Do you get screen time?
• What kind of food is served ?
• If you went when you were under 18: Did you still have school? Class? Any kind of education?
• Are there group activities or activities where you get to leave the hospital?

One of the things I hate the most about having BPD is not knowing who I am. For as long as I can remember, almost everything that I've done has been a reflection of the people around me. When I talk to different people, I feel like I become a different person each time. I've been really struggling to find my own values in the current political climate, especially as a someone who is active on social media. I feel like a horrible person because I don't even know what I support and I don't know what to do.

Sober but tired of being sober. I just want to run away from my responsibilities and get high and be careless... been watching intervention over and over and romanticizing it as well.

It's like i never have enough, even when im surrounded by people over me i always feel a void, it ruins my possibilities of staying in a stable relationship besides my crisis, it makes me freak out when im not with someone who can give me love, i always want more, its never enough, how can i stop feeling that ?

Posted in another sub, but hoping that I might receive support here, too. The more, the merrier!

I could really use some perspective from other folks who deal with BPD, especially around emotional regulation and handling the fallout in relationships.

​I’ve had to take a hard look at a painful pattern in my life recently. When my emotions get overwhelming, my ability to self-regulate pretty much completely evaporates. When I combine that with alcohol, it’s led to some severe crash-outs where I completely lose my grip and lash out at people I care about, saying mean and hateful things I'm deeply ashamed of. The lack of impulse control in those moments is terrifying, and I am so exhausted by the damage it leaves behind.

​I want to break this cycle for good. I’m done blowing up relationships with people who mean the world to me, and I’m trying to figure out how to actually fix the root issue.

​To help handle the emotional intensity right now, I've been leaning heavily into physical outlets to keep grounded, mainly lifting weights and running outside as I train for a 5k (short-term goal to keep from drinking). Having that physical outlet helps burn off stress, but I know it's only managing symptoms, not the core problem.

​For those of you who have struggled with severe dysregulation and alcohol dependence: how did you learn to catch yourself before reaching that point of no return? How do you sit with intense emotional discomfort without blowing up your life?

I practice DBT with my therapist, but I thought it might help to ask fellow folks dealing with BPD how they cope.

​Appreciate any advice or tools that have worked for you.

It feels very unfair & dehumanizing when every emotion of mine is labelled as overreacting, silly, dramatic, overthinking, attention seeking and I'm constantly being invalidated when I'm hurt or upset but it would be wrong of me to say that to someone else when they feel the same way ....

Does anyone else feel this way?

How do you deal with relapsing into DSH during splitting episodes, I resort straight back into the most destructive behaviours and no amount of therapy seems to change that.

I haven't split for a little while and this was especially bad, not triggered by an outside influence I wound myself up and hit my own trigger by not catching it, I'll bring it up in therapy tomorrow but yeah..

I don’t want to be gone from this world. I’m genuinely trying my best to keep going and make it through each day but sometimes it feels so pointless when I still feel so hollow and empty no matter what I do. I just want to find my people, to feel supported, and to build meaningful connections with those who understand what it’s like to be constantly at war with your own mind. I want to feel understood and to find a sense of belonging somewhere in this world.

I have a friend and theirs a very long and complicated story between us but it is someone who I became really close, closer then they probably ever should because I was the first person in their entire life to sit their and answer their every phone call for a long time sit down and not judge them and let them talk and understand and just let them talk and try to help them give them advice when no one else cared enough too and they got really really attached and because I was the first and such a safe they they really really opened up, and I went really deep, deeper then no one has ever seen in them and never showed because I made a incredibly safe space for them for the first time where they could be vulnerable and not judged and welll it came to the point where they became constant angry and curse and say very hateful things about others and very vulgar things and have very violent thoughts, thoughts that they usually would keep very quite that they themselves didn’t completely know they had until me because I provided them that safe space to let it all out and when they cursed at me or got into arguments I never really fought back just sat their and listened and they would be over minor things. She constantly complains about things. She wished she could be faked like she would fake every other person she ever meet but because I was the first she became like this plus a much more larger and complex situation but I also see and remember the good in her she is honestly one of the most sweetest people I have even meet. Yes a lot of her thoughts are extremely violent and hateful and she says vulgar things that are pretty bad but part of that is from a bad environment. Anyway I had criticized how her Heart is full of hate and how her words are vulgar and now all she does is regret getting this close and hates herself and hates coming back to me and all she wants to do is leave. Idk what to or what to say to calm her down and convince her she isn’t a bad person or that my image of her is completely ruined witch is how she thinks after what I have said about her how to handle it I need advice.

Recently, I've been seeing a psychiatrist for my depression/anxiety. My psychiatrist said I showed strong signs of Bpd, but i still don't understand what that means for me getting the help I need/support. I feel like i need to have connections with people in order to feel sane, but genuinely ive been also pushing people away.

It's hard to tell just one person how there are distinctions between my depression and having a rough life. I've dealt with so much betrayal this year, being rped 2 times, and mourning people i love. It's just always something, but it's hard to tell if im valid to wanna harm myself or if im just attention seeking like always to have someone feel sorry for me. With all this, I don't know what i should do anymore or if im just being weak

My identity crises are so bad I start questioning my sexuality. Last month I came out as a lesbian just to go back and well I decided on not using labels because it stresses me out. I used to identify as bisexual. But why did I suddenly come out as a lesbian? I realized I wasn’t genuinely attracted to any of the men I slept with (well only 2) and when I was it was because they looked like a butch woman 😭

In 2024 I was wondering if I was aro-ace. I just couldn’t feel any need for romance or sex. Sure I read lots of romance fanfics (y/n type), but I wasn’t really interested in an actual relationship. Tbf I did suffer tons of sexual abuse before that. Sexual abuse happened again this year and now that I’m with my boyfriend I’m questioning my sexuality all over again. Omfggg make it stop.

I cannot be the only one having sexuality identity crisis 24/7

I’m looking for advice on how others have dealt with this. I’m constantly obsessive over someone. I can’t remember a time in my life where I haven’t been, even if it is just platonic. What is your experience?

I just had my last therapy session, and I officially don't meet the criteria for BPD anymore. I'm 22 now, I started therapy with 12, and got diagnosed with BPD with 18.

I see a lot of posts about negative things regarding BPD here, a lot of people feeling lost and being scared they have no chance of feeling healed but hey, it worked out for me so I believe it can also work out for you!

It's kind of crazy because a few years back, I read a post of someone in remission and thought it was bullshit because I've been told times and times again that it's incurable. I've felt so lost and helpless and angry because I had to deal with something for tge rest of my life, and I wasn't the one at fault for it.

I was at a point in life where I didn't want to be here anymore but, I persevered.

When I was 19, I lived on the street, jobless, had nothing, ruined everything by pushing people away so they wouldn't hurt me but bit by bit I build myself up to be where I am.

I'm finishing university next november, have a job I love so much (with amazing colleagues!), I'm with a person that loves me so much, I never question it and I have my best friend by my side that stood with me for the last 10 years. My partner and I live together, we have a cat, he cooks for me and we laugh and cry together, we argue, we get mad, but we never go to bed angry.

It gets better, I know it feels like it won't but I promise it will. And while I really really hate this sentence, in the end everything will be fine. 💛