I have had three/four romantic partners in the last six months and all have left me with some ghosting me. With one lady I only went on a single date but I become so attached. I vacillate between hating them, and missing them terribly. I have attachment issues and I have read on DBT, and CBT and I see the skills and I know they can help but I am rejecting them because I think there is a possibility that if I reach out enough times or show them what was possible they will accept me. It is so pathetic but here I am. Radical acceptance seems like an insurmountable obstacle and I am afraid to practice because I sometimes feel I would rather be miserable then think of the possibility of being without either of these persons. To see them one more time is like a drug and I know I am going to make myself suffer but it is hard to stop. Every relationship in my life has ended in me being dumped besides me being a decent not bad looking not unsuccessful person. This leads me to strive for acceptance because I have to show/tell/convince that I am worthy.

who else be up and abusing substances for actual no reason at all? i know it’s a common symptom of bpd with all the reckless behavior and what not, but does anyone else feel a perpetual state of boredom to the point where you (feel like) just can’t literally do anything to curb that by stimulating yourself with something (for me its substances but ppl have their own vices)

I’ve been diagnosed for 5ish years and have been in treatment for a very long time before as well. I’ve only ever had serious relationships with men who have an avoidant attachment. What has been your experience with someone who has a healthy attachment and do you split less?

Trigger warning for sui ideation

I don’t know anything anymore. I feel so lost and stuck. All I want is to be good for him, but I can’t do that. All I do is start issues with how clingy and unbearable I am. I’m horribly jealous of everything and I want to isolate him so he can just be with me.
I’m horrible. I’m actually, genuinely horrible. Like the kind of person that needs to be euthanized. I wanna die so badly. I need to. He hates me and he’s admitted that, but how many times can I redeem myself? Fucks sake.

He’s ignoring me right now because he’s out with some friends and I was texting obsessively checking in every two minutes, and left for two hours on a nap, just for him to say “”if silence is what you think is best”” and leave. It’s been ten minutes and I’ve sent a wall of texts. I wanna die. So badly.

Please share how you did it. I am losing hope for my daughter. It would help me a lot to know what you or anyone is able to manage it. It's horrible disease, meds and therapy do not seem to help .

Really looking for advice from other ppl with bpd/partners of.

I like attention, I don’t think i absolutely need it for my self esteem but it’s def helps it. I kinda wanna start posting like 18+ picks of myself online. I wouldn’t post my face or tattoos or defining features or anything and I know I shouldn’t interact with any ppl who comment/dm but idk I just kinda want to is it a bad idea? I still have to check with my bf if he’s okay with it obviously but like has anyone else considered this or gone through with it and regretted it ?

Edit: just forgot to add, I just moved into dorm life and away from my bf and our schedules don’t line up well so I’ve been veryyy sexually frustrated lately and I think that’s a contributing factor

My girlfriend has BPD and I love her. I want to do right by her, but I’m scared I’m doing stuff that makes her symptoms worse without knowing it.

Our arguments are the hardest part. I never know if I should give her space or stay close, and either one can go wrong. Sometimes I say something I think is calming and it lands completely differently.

For the people who have BPD, what did your partner do that actually helped? And what did they do that made it worse, even with good intentions?

I don’t want a perfect script. I just want to be someone who makes her life easier and not harder, I'd really appreciate your help.

wanted to post this before but kept having some issues

apologizing is one area i struggle with the most and i was wondering if it’s a me thing or if others have the same struggles.

i find it incredibly difficult to apologize, especially when it comes to an unjustified reaction towards something real or perceived. while i can objectively understand my reaction was not appropriate and has caused harm, there’s a mental block that is very difficult to get over.

acknowledging the hurt others experience and offering an apology feels like i have to ignore my own reactions or feelings and that they’re are inherently less valid than the other party’s. it feels like, when i have these kinds of reactions that are disproportionate or inappropriate, there is never acknowledgement, apology or regret towards what i experienced and instead all focus is redirected towards my reaction. i am not allowed to express during the apology that i was also hurt, as that is apparently an excuse and an attempt to justify my previous actions. if i want to try and make amends, i have to be okay with the fact that my pain will be ignored.

i understand this sentiment is selfish, but it’s an impossible situation to explain to anybody who doesn’t live like we do and experience the world the way we do. as a result, i don’t even try to apologize and immediately get defensive, which just makes me even more selfish but at least then i don’t feel like i have to leave my feelings at the door for ensure comfort for everyone else involved

idk, i can’t understand why saying “im sorry, i hurt you, but i was hurt as well” is such an evil thing to say. i don’t get why wanting an apology for hurt experienced is inappropriate, especially when i am more than willing to offer an apology for the hurt i caused as a result. i feel like this wouldn’t even be a problem if it was socially acceptable to explain your feelings during an apology and i would have much less difficulty offering a genuine apology if i didn’t feel like it automatically meant that my experiences were worth inherently less than those around me

sorry for the ramble, im quite tired and my post may not make sense, but i wanted to get it out

Putting the CW just for examples I’m going to present. I’m wondering if anyone else gets this occasionally where you have a deep desire to be manic or in a deep episode. I’m unsure if this stems from wanting to be seen suffering, or from wanting to experience very extreme emotion, or perhaps something else entirely.

Recently, I’ve been pretty unstable. I relapsed and haven't been eating or drinking water much even though I’m extensively busy. I recently have been having a “fantasy” about walking barefoot and shirtless down one of the busiest streets in my city or the highway at dusk. I’ve had a few others:

- going to the club and going home with someone and having sex that would be harmful to me (even though this would be something I would never do)

- hurting myself with a knife in various ways

- doing harmful drugs and walking the streets at night or going to a park while I’m having a very bad trip

- throwing around furniture in my house and pushing down bookshelves, tearing everything up and redecorating / repainting my entire house while going mad

I’m not in crisis and I don’t want to bring this up to my therapist obviously because I don’t want to cause any alarm. This also is not the first time I’m having these thoughts and I seem to get them pretty regularly, whether I’m unstable or not. I can’t tell if they are intrusive thoughts or not because sometimes I find myself completely enveloped in the maladaptive-dreaminess of them with no desire to cut the thought out but the thoughts do bring me stress and alarm.

Does anyone know how to battle this or has anyone else struggled with desires similar to these?

I haven’t been diagnosed with anything yet myself, but sometimes (rarely) get myself worked up into spirals when something feels off, I feel like he is being hateful, and I end up lashing out before giving myself a moment to breathe.

In the past, he used to get really upset with me when I took too long to get to his house. Like if I was planning to stay at his house, but took a while packing, slept in late, etc. To the point of telling me to just stay home, he didn’t like me, etc.

But this is something he hasn’t done in a while.

We were meant to go on a weekend getaway this weekend, and leave tomorrow afternoon. Today I got off work, and had some things to do, then was heading home to pack and he called me and asked again when and if I’d be coming to his house. I told him I wasn’t completely sure, because he has to go to bed really early, and I had to do all of my laundry and packing for our trip. He responded that he was probably just going to head to bed, then. It’s like I still expect when he used to lash out when I took too long, and so I wrongly assumed that this was him being passive aggressive. I ended up calling him multiple times, he wasn’t picking up and it was only ringing a couple times so I thought he was ignoring the calls. I ended up texting him and saying essentially that I just was probably going to stay home this weekend and that I wish he was more patient and understanding.

He reacted angrily, as one would expect, said he hates me, and that he’ll just stay home. He wasn’t ignoring me and he wasn’t being passive aggressive.

Clearly, this is all on me, and I have no idea why I work myself up into spirals like this sometimes, and I just feel ashamed, embarrassed, and crazy.

I’ve texted him apologizing multiple times, telling him I’m so sorry, etc. I feel so guilty and embarrassed of acting this way and I’m pretty sure I just ruined a trip that we’ve been planning on going on for a while.

I genuinely hate myself sometimes and I’m not sure what to do. I know I shouldn’t have reacted that way at all or even felt that way in the first place.

I’m a college student, and I’ve usually gotten great grades and really tried, but since this semester has started my depression started to get worse and I’m stressed and my BPD has been off the hook. My grades are starting to slip. I made a therapy appointment for Monday, but I’m just seeking some guidance on how to get out of the cycle :(

I (29f) got out of an abusive relationship a month ago. I was determined to stay single and focus on work/gym/hobbies. I met this aamaaaaazing guy. (35m) Literally everything I’ve ever fucking wanted,and he’s been incredibly sweet and patient with me. We like the same music, have the same political opinions, our separate interests, seem to be sexually compatible (we haven’t actually done anything, I told him I wasn’t ready and he’s fine with that) I told him I don’t think he’s real (he is I checked lol) and that he’s just a figment of my imagination. He supports me doing my own things, and encourages me to workout. He tells me he knows that I need to take my time, that I’m single and even though he would be jealous he would understand that i have a fwb and shouldn’t throw that away after knowing him for exactly two days. Well it’s been five days, and I’m head over heels. “I’ll wait if you need me to. No pressure, when you’re ready to fall in love I’ll be here” I told him he deserved everything good in the world. “I hope it comes in the shape of you”. He’s literally made me cry from being so sweet and has made me realize things that I should have thought years ago.

He constantly reassures me that it’s not crazy to set boundaries (I feel like I am), that it’s okay to not be okay, that we’re in no rush and all of that…but we’ve both talked about kids, what kind of wedding we would want…..FIVE DAYS. ITS BEEN FIVE DAYS. We separately have thought of these things, I feel like I would absolutely go and marry this man right tf now. What is happening 😩

I think I have bpd
Idk how to talk to my therapist or doctor about it cuz it’s so embarrassing
I’ve threatened suicide when I feel abandoned
Im crazy emotional
I even have a “favorite person” that I think about All the time
She’s always on my mind it feels like love but idk
Literally think of her always and want her attention and care all the time

Im also diagnosed with bipolar so idk if that’s part of it too

I’m not sure what to do

I successfully avoided for the first time what I call a "tantrum." A tantrum happens when I'm in survival mode, it feels like a crisis. It happens after I feel most abandoned, or when my brain tells me I've been abandoned.

Anyway, I friggin did it! I felt it coming on, turned to my techniques, told my partners who often feel blame when I have big feelings it wasn't their fault but I needed a minute, went to the other room, let myself feel the emotion, then rejoined the group when I was regulated and calm.

But I never processed the damn feelings. And the thoughts came roaring back in my head "they're leaving you" just consumed me. And I tantrumed at my poor husband. He became my emotional punching bag and for that I'm so sorry. I let the tantrum win, I said mean things I didnt really want to say. Now I have to work on that repair.

My friend told me to look at it more like a wave. Relationships have waves of ups and downs, not steps of forward and back. So that was helpful for me to think.

I feel like it doesn't matter what drugs I take, what books I read, what podcasts I listen to, or even what work I do, I still suffer with this. "Recovery" seems unreal. Will I ever feel secure in myself to be okay with the possibility of being alone?

TLDR: had a crazy blow up on husband after successfully avoiding an emotional outburst and feeling like shit about it. Is recovery real?

Hi everyone. Unfortunately, English is not my first language and I’m not very fluent, but I want to express myself as clearly as possible to handle this the right way. I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly two years, and I love her more than my own life. I am a lesbian, and she is bisexual. This week, I discovered that she has a desire to be with men; when we talked about it—which we’ve been doing all week—she told me that while she loves me, she misses flirting with men and being touched by them, as it makes her feel beautiful and "useful." Even though I’m feeling terrible, I don’t feel any anger. Not knowing how to resolve this, I even suggested opening up the relationship if it would make her happier (even though I am monogamous myself).

Today, we had another conversation—after having reached some resolution yesterday—and she told me she isn’t sure if she still loves me the way she used to, though she does still love me. She said she can’t clearly envision her own future, nor can she see a future for us together—even though we’ve always talked about it, and she used to express great excitement about the idea of ​​us getting married and staying together for the long term.

This post isn’t meant to say my girlfriend did something wrong or to condemn her; I just want to know how we can get things back to the way they were. Could this be a phase of hypersexualization? I don’t have that condition myself, but I truly love her. We are both committed to doing whatever it takes to make things better. After that conversation—which ended with me asking her to take some time to think everything over and give me an answer later—she told me she loves me and apologized many times.

I love her so much, but I’m afraid that nothing we do will be enough to fully recover, and that one day she might realize she doesn’t truly love me and that this whole relationship was a mistake. Could anyone with more experience than me offer some advice?

Having trouble romanticizing the worst times I had with splitting and mental health. Especially the eating disorder that came with it. Fuck I used to be so skinny and perfect when I was mentally at my lowest and the closest to extreme self harm. I just wish I could feel that way again. So cold and alone and hopeless but so skinny and perfect.

Does anyone here use a mood tracker? What do you use? I’ve tried to keep track in my notes app but I just forget and it’s very unorganized. I’ve never journaled but would consider it. What do yall prefer?

Lots of tags there. But seriously, I am struggling to keep afloat. Like I don't know how to organize my life and manage this. I am medicated, but it just keeps me at bay. How do I study/work/manage?

Have you had any tricks or coping mechanism?

I really need to up my game on studying and getting through workdays!

Hello, everyone. I'm very new to this whole thing as I was just diagnosed with BPD. I'm around 30m. One of the aspects of BPD that really hit me was the Favorite Person concept. I currently have a FP and I am considering wether I should tell him or not. But first, let me give you the backstory.

My FP and I have been friends for 8 years. We quickly hit it off with similar interests and humour. The first couple of years I had a massive crush on him, which he was aware of. Being who I am I let this crush grow into an obsession. He is a very nice guy and didn't push me away or let my romantic and erotic interest put a damper on our friendship. There were definitely a bunch of times where I pushed the limits, but over the years we have found a balance that works for both of us really well. He has gotten used to my bad and unstable sides, and supports me through my bad periods. We consider eachother best friends, and we have told eachother stuff we don't tell other people, especially when it comes to mental health. I am his support person in my own way. He is very shy and introverted, and has problems expressing himself around other people. To make it clear though he is straight and has a girlfriend, and he currently lives quite far away, though he visits often.

Though I no longer have a deep, romantic crush on him, he still is my FP. Luckily for us we managed to make it work before any of us learned about this concept. But now I know, and a lot of the literature I am reading recommends telling the FP they are an FP. I can definitely see how this would help our relationship, but I could also see how it complicates something that works pretty well.

I am leaning towards telling him, but I really want to hear some second opinions here. I also wasn't quite sure what info you would want before making an assessment, so please just ask if there is anything you're unsure of. He is visiting around Halloween and was planning on telling him then. Looking forward to reading your thoughts ^^

So I dated a girl that told me that she had bpd for 2.5 months and the relationship was really good, we never fought or anything and we were getting really close to each other, one day i noticed a couple of things on ig so i decided to speak with her about her following her ex on ig again (she said that it was a bad relationship so that's why i decided to speak to her about it) hiding insta stories from me and that she was distancing herself from me, she didn't address any of this and just told me that she didn't feel anything anymore and wanted to end things.

The day after we broke up i picked up my stuff from her house and told her goodbye with a hug, she asked me if i wanted to be friends and I told her yes but to give me some time. We didn't block each other on ig and a couple of days after she was back with her ex, after that she unfollowed me and deleted me from her followers.

I've been respecting her distance and haven't had any contact with her since then, but lately I've been thinking about reaching out to know how she's doing, i have a lot of empathy for her and would like to help her even as a friend. What is your opinion?

hi. i’m 21 mtf. i need someone to talk to about my struggles. i prefer fellow women bc i relate more but men and nonbinary people are welcome too ofc. lmk in the comments if you’re willing to chat:) anyone is welcome to dm

This is entirely anecdotal, but given how much it’s affected my life/relationships, I wanted to post if it would help anyone!

So, I have BPD and have been mostly recovered and stable for a few years. Until this past year, when my IUD expired and this did, I think, something to my hormones. I started having harsher emotional instability, unhealthy coping mechanisms, etc. It felt like I was untreated sometimes, and sometimes my feelings just wouldn’t stop, or lessen, or anything. I thought maybe this was because my current relationship has more issues than my previous one, so I didn’t want to assume it was the IUD. I was waiting for replacement under sedation for about a year (in Canada, on me for not trying to get on the list sooner, to be clear), but I got it replaced last month, and after about a week I started to feel much closer to my baseline stability. I’m still upset by relationship issues (I am in the same relationship), but not as uncontrollably upset and I have much fewer urges to reach for unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’m noticing I’m feeling less of a compulsion to be emotionally dependent on my boyfriend too.

I don’t know if there’s any evidence for this kind of thing (we know birth control/uterus/hormone studies are lacking), but I wanted to validate some of you if you’ve been noticing this pattern with you too, or to warn you to be proactive about replacement!!

I(19f) posted about wanting an fp a week ago and then a man came in my dms and he was the nicest most kind most loving man ive ever met in my life within the hour I became obsessed with him and said he was my fp and that I loved his existence in the way only an fp can and then suddenly I asked him if he was grooming me and he got upset and hasn't responded to my messages in days and I wanna cry and beat myself to death I lost him I lost him I wanna jump into a hole and die already I can never have him back he hates me now he was the best person I had ever met always saying the right things always loving me and supporting me and I lost him

It's so triggering to me and idk how to react to this. My roommate keeps slamming the door for no reason at all (we don't even speak) and i don't know why. It's soo triggering. This happened with my former roommates too. Why are they like this omg i don't understand

Compartmentalizing ? You know what I mean? Putting things on the back burner and getting back to the issue when it’s appropriate ?

Because I’m not. I thought I was. Boy, was I wrong. Does anyone know how to train your brain to do so or is this is years and years and years and years of therapy type of thing?