Hi there. So when this group of friends go out - one girl always orders $80 bottles of rose and we end up splitting the bill. Last time it was 5 of us - 1 girl was moving so we paid for her and then they wanted to pay for another girl who's birthday was the following month! I put my foot down there.

Anyway tonight is another dinner - the girl who moved is back for a visit and now engaged. I think this will turn into us paying for her as a celebration. Considering even just going for a drink and eating before. Im not broke but trying to eat healthy and also dont want to spend $100 on dinner because I had to pay double rent last month.

Is there a way for me to say - hey im going to do mine separate so I just pay for mine without sounding cheap?

They all have dual incomes and own houses. I am single and rent.

I was watching a GRWM TikTok the other day, and the woman casually sprayed 15+ pumps of perfume (it could've been more but the clip cut off before she finished).

I was shocked – I don't wear fragrance often, but when I do, I usually do 1-2 pumps and then still worry that I reek and am giving everyone a migraine.

So now I'm wondering what's appropriate. Obviously it's going to be different depending on the fragrance, dispenser, person, occasion, etc., but as a rough ballpark.

If you use fragrance, how much do you use? For example, for brunch with friends, or going out in the evening?

Edit: Okay it looks like I'm not crazy for thinking 15+ sprays is a lot!

Edit: I just looked more closely and it was Jackie Aina using her own perfume brand, which explains a lot. But even so, she still went to an event with that much perfume on.

I’m getting married next year and my fiance has one sister.

We’re close in age and are cordial and polite when we see each other, and occasionally text and share stuff with one another on social media. We don’t really hangout one on one, and I am okay with that.

She’s friendly and I know she means well but we don’t have much in common. She tends to dominate a lot of conversations and likes to be right a lot of the time. I’m a bit introverted and a people pleaser, so it feels more of a performance when I hangout with her one on one, and I don’t really enjoy it too much as I end up feeling drained. My fiance has a couple of friends whose partners I hang out with frequently. Our personalities are more similar and I feel we have more in common.

I think my SIL wants to have a closer relationship with me, and I’m struggling with how to go about that. I’m not close with my siblings and I’ve always wanted that close relationship with a sister or brother and I don’t really think our relationship will be like that.

Makes me think — how close are you to your SIL? What are your dynamics like?

I’m 32F, live alone, and work fully remote, so I’m eating most of my meals at home or spend way too much going out.

I feel like grocery shopping for one person is weirdly difficult. I hate buying a ton of ingredients for one meal and I also don’t want to eat the same leftovers for a week straight.

I’m curious what everyone else actually does. Do you plan meals for the week? Just keep certain staples on hand and figure it out as you go? Shop multiple times a week?

I’d love to know what groceries you always keep stocked and how you approach meals without wasting a bunch of food or spending a fortune. I feel like I need a better system because winging it every week is getting old lol.

My ex died a few weeks ago. We parted ways six years ago and things were going overall well. I had moved on in a healthy way.

I was in my 20s when we were together and thankfully have grown.

He died suddenly and unexpectedly. He was young.

It’s brought up so damn much. I have had so many thoughts and feelings. It’s exhausting. Naturally I have thought of what ifs. I was planning to see him sometime next year as he lives in a different country and was looking forward to a reunion. The other week I kept thinking how I am so glad this is not my problem. I feel so much pain for his friends and family. This week I am sad I’ll never see him again and sad he didn’t get more life.

The only reason I’m thinking about him this much is because he’s dead. And it’s so overwhelming. I know I mattered to him at a time but our stories went different ways. I even feel stupid having this grief. But I imagine if the situation was reversed he’d feel pain.

I feel so alone with this grief cause it’s my ex. It’s not a parents or family member or even a friend. Crap, I am a teacher and lost a student- I could find folks to relate.

His friend posted about how they hoped he’d fund his better half one day- I feel guilt I couldn’t be that and that I was such a mess when I was younger. But also I’ve been searching for the same thing.

I booked a therapy session next week.

I’ll take any advice or words of wisdom. I’m losing my mind.

Friends I am exhausted and I come to you struggling quite a lot with this.

For the past year my ex friend (early 40s) has been blowing up at people, assuming the worst of them and then acting like nothing happened at all. I was never the target for our almost decade-long friendship until this year. For context, has pretty much always been somewhat jealous of me (i'm not saying this to flatter myself, she has told me so - it was better when i was in a relationship and not a "threat" to her) as I have befriended a lot of people in a shared social group. A few of them have been guys she's had crushes on. I am not romantically interested in any of them, and I am very uncomfortable with this sense that she views me as an adversary when I simply just want to maintain friendships with these people.

She blew up at me over two small things: one was a text message in which i defended a mutual friend she kept shit talking (she has had an obsessive crush on him over the past year and was rejected by him). The other was that I gave her a wrong ETA to an event we had not coordinated together (I'm not exaggerating, she literally called me a bad and toxic friend for this).

The other people she has targeted before have made up with her, but when i've tried to mend things with her, she makes the problem worse and misrepresents me completely. So even the fact that I don't want to talk with her again about this gives her "ammo" because I am being too "unconfrontational" and "avoidant". Like what the actual fuck, I cannot win.

Clearly I have needed to back off and not interact with her, which is what I've done. My main issue here is that we still share friends, and even though they have plenty of issues with her, they keep hanging out and planning stuff without me. It's a shitty spot because I don't want to be sucked back into her orbit, but I worry I'm being cut out. Everyone quietly acknowledges she has issues, but instead of standing up for me in any capacity, they appease her and sweep things under the rug. I understand not wanting to become the target of her fury, but I feel genuinely let down and hurt.

I know the advice would be to find new friends, and I want to do that. But I am in a city where I don't have a wealth of friends so this group is important to me. My shared friends keep saying we need to show her love, but I swear to god we have to do this song and dance every year when she inevitably blows up or spirals in self hatred. It's actually driving me crazy and I don't know how to co-exist in this shared space, where so many friends keep brushing her behavior off and trying to appease her to keep the peace while I feel that I'm suffering the consequences of her actions.

Maybe this all sounds selfish but this has been going on so long and it eats up so much mental energy for me. I can't tell if I'm trapped in my own insecurities, which I absolutely struggle with, or how much I can realistically expect from my friends and community who claim to value me. I don't know how to exist in this space without being consumed by anxiety right now so any advice, as harsh as needed will really help. Thanks all

Editing for clarity; I should specify that some friends have taken distance from her but it is hard to fully disconnect or cut her off (not trying to excuse their choices but whatever) and that most things that are scheduled include everyone - there is just a certain event this weekend that SHE initiated so it’s not like she’d invite me anyway. Sorry if my initial post made it sound more dramatic, I am typing fast and am tired today

I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years now, married 3 years, and I’ve just never been able to fit in with his friend’s partners.

He has a really big friendship group, and some of it is that the girlfriend’s have had long established friendships that can feel a bit cliquey. But then some of it is just me feeling like I don’t fit in, we all don’t catch up much but when we do it’s very much big parties with drugs and alcohol and I’m just not much of a partier. So I think that has created some distance too.

They’re all nice enough, but I just haven’t been able to get to know any of them more closely. I try and remind myself I have my people and that’s enough, but it’s hard sometimes in a social setting to not feel like a bit of the weird girl that doesn’t fit in like in high school. Sometimes I try and make more of an effort but I just feel awkward and left out a lot of the time.

Most recently I found out that I didn’t get an invite to a bachelorette party of one of the girl’s I felt like I was the closest with but a lot of the other girls in the group did. So even the closest relationship I thought I had really must not be much.

Is this something others can relate to? Any advice? Or even just words that could make me feel like I’m not alone.

We have our ups and downs with my parents and siblings like most families but we still care deeply about each other. I'm the eldest, live abroad. My siblings moved to the same country (as students first). I've been their main support system (financial and emotional), at least that's how I feel. I'll do it all over again whenever needs be.

But I feel like I can't provide the emotional support anymore. My mental health isn't at it's best. I've been feeling like on the verge of a breakdown for a couple of years. Lately, I've been feeling detached from my life, anxious... it clearly shows in our interactions, I get irritated, angry...

I might be wrong but I feel like my siblings aren't strong enough to handle things by themselves especially my sister (she has OCD).

We visit our parents a couple of times a year. They are hoarders (I'm afraid I'm becoming one too...), and we often end up arguing about it. As they are getting older this whole situation is causing me a lot of anxiety. Sometimes I catch myself playing the scene of on my parents passing away, how hard it will be for me but especially for my siblings and my other parent. And I'm scared I won't be able to support them.

But the other things that's causing the tension is the hoarding. In my culture, people come to your home for the funeral. I keep thinking how will I be able to manage all the stuff around the house when I'm grieving. I shouldn't be stressed out over this.

Mom keeps saying that she'll take care of it when she retires, but death might have other plans.

I want to openly talk about it with my parents but I can't find the right way to do it without making them worried about my mental health (they can see that I'm doing well but they probably don't know the extent of it), and without ending up in a confrontation.

Thanks for your support 🙏🏻

I often find that men like to chat a lot over text before a date. I really don’t like to share my life story before meeting someone, as too many times I’ve gone out and not vibed. How do you avoid this? I don’t want to be super blunt but this particular guy keeps asking things like “can I ask you a direct question?” and I’m getting a bit annoyed. Why can’t they just wait a few days?

How do you ladies deal with this gently but firmly and not kill the vibe?

I need a whole refresh and don’t know where to start. Anyone have success with a place or brand to help you determine what you need?