I know rationally we don’t turn into bitter ugly hags as soon as we hit 30 but man it’s been hard not to internalize that negativity. It’s silly but my heart aches for a coming of age story and all that romantic crap that I should’ve grown out of wanting. I have this weird sinking feeling that Ive missed a very important train that’s left me in the dust. I’m so lost and unwanted.

Hi everyone! For most of my 20s, I always felt like I knew exactly what I wanted out of life. I was determined, ambitious, and constantly working toward something. I accomplished a lot of my goals, traveled, earned my MBA, and built a career. From the outside looking in, you would probably think I had everything figured out.

But 29 was a really rough year for me. My cat passed away, dealt with financial issues, I moved states, started a new job, and was navigating a long-distance relationship. Then, in January of this year, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was devastated because I genuinely loved him so much.

What I didn't expect was how much that breakup would force me to look at my own life. I started realizing how unhappy I actually was. I felt stagnant, like I wasn't going anywhere. I hadn't really traveled much outside of visiting him, and somewhere along the way, I felt like I had lost myself.

I started trying to heal and find some sense of normalcy again. I went to a music festival with friends, hoping to have fun and feel like myself for once.

Unfortunately, I ended up overdosing and nearly losing my life. This happened just two days before my 30th birthday.

So, needless to say, entering my 30s was nothing like I imagined.

Thankfully, I've recovered physically, and my health is back to normal. But emotionally, I feel like I'm still trying to find my footing.

I'm back living in the city I spent years trying to leave (but it’s also my safe space?), which has been difficult in itself. I've been applying for jobs, going through interviews, saving money, working out, and doing everything I can to create a better life for myself.

But if I'm being honest, ladies, I still feel so empty sometimes.

I journal, go to therapy, stay active, set goals, and try to focus on myself, but somehow it never feels like enough. My ex and I also went in and out of no contact in May and August, which I think reopened a lot of wounds I was trying to heal.

I think what scares me most is that I don't want my 30s to feel like this. I've always been the type of person who could pick herself up, dust herself off, and keep moving forward. But this time feels different. Everything feels harder, and I can't quite explain why.

There's also this pressure I suddenly feel now that I'm 30, like I should have everything figured out by now. I know 30 isn't old, and I know life isn't a race, but it's hard not to feel like I'm falling behind when I used to feel so sure of myself.

I guess I'm just wondering if any of you have gone through something similar. Did anyone else enter their 30s feeling completely lost, even after spending their 20s feeling so driven and accomplished? How did you find your way back to yourself?

I just really miss feeling excited about my life.

I’m going to a flash event next week and have options of where to get tattooed. Looking for inspo of makes you feel great!

I have a male coworker I consider a friend.

This year has been hard for me at home, so I’ve been overwhelmed and started closing my office door, replying more slowly to messages and some weeks are harder for me than others. He knew I was going through a rough time. I tend to cope by withdrawing. I’ve shared this with him before.

He used to stop by daily to vent but rarely remembered what I shared. When I was less responsive back, he noticed it, messaging me after hours to ask why I hadn’t come to office to talk to him.

When I replied about three hours late to a question about a company event he ultimately skipped, he said “no worries!”, and then hasn’t spoken to me since. He’s told me he writes people off as “hot and cold” when a friendship feels one-sided.

Now he’s chatting with everyone but me, still without saying what happened. I say hi in passing and won’t be the one to reopen it, since that reset the cycle before. I feel hurt and confused about what I did. Is this a normal rough patch, or a pattern I should keep my distance from?

For example, I feel like there are pretty big differences between early 20s vs late 20s in terms of mindset, goals, dating, financially, even physically/appearance-wise. Do such differences also exist when comparing early vs late 30s?

I’m turning 33 and I have never really dressed up as an adult for Halloween. My bday is the day before Halloween and I have a 13 year old daughter so it’s always been about her and close to my bday. I really want to wear a costume for Halloween and am going to a Halloween party. I just bought a $400 costume and accessories and feel kind of guilty because I know it’s a lot of money but I can afford it and just want to wear a costume and have some fun. Is this weird!?

Hey y'all, wondering if I I should give someone a second chance at dating.

Back in February I (35F) went on a first date with this guy, I'll call him J (35M). The date was pretty good, super buzzy, lots of chemistry, but both of us were not super emotionally available (he recently had ended a LT relationship and I was dealing with a recent breakup and a very sick dad).

We kept talking after the date for the next few days, but then my dad's condition suddenly worsened. I went on a leave from work and flew home to be with my family.

My dad passed a couple months later.

J kept checking in sporadically for a month or two after we had that date, which I was very touched by. He even wanted to pick me up and drive me home when I came back to our town for a weekend trip shortly before my dad passed.

I tentatively made plans for a second date with him around that time, but had to cancel as my dad ended up passing away. I told him this and he said he was sorry and to let him know if I needed to talk.

I thanked him but didn't reach out further as I was (obviously) dealing with very heavy grief. so 6 months went by of total silence.

J reached out again recently (over 6 months later) to say he was thinking of me. He then mentioned he had entered a relationship over the summer and it just ended. The message seemed more about his own life and things going on, he eventually tacked on a "and how are you?" onto the end of the message.

He has been persistently asking me out on a second date the last week or so even though I haven't really been replying.

I know that we barely knew each other and he wasn't expected to be there for me as we only had one date, but the 6 months of just, absolutely nothing and then swinging back around later after his summer fling ended just..I don't know. It seems a bit selfish on his part maybe. I don't think he's been through any major losses yet, so maybe just doesn't get how it looks.

I told him this and he sent a voice note apologizing, but also pointing out we barely knew each other and he felt a bit awkward and thought I wasn't in the right headspace to be dating at the time (which is true). He claimed he isn't using me for comfort after his relationship ended and said he still wants the date and is trying to find "the one". I didn't expect constant attention or caretaking, but I just have this feeling that "the one" for me wouldn't have gone completely ghost?

I still have grief brain and am not sure if maybe I'm being too sensitive. I'm not really feeling ready to date yet anyway, but starting to think more about it as it's been 6+ months now since my dad passed.

What would you do in this instance? Give the man another chance or no?

TLDR: went on one date w a guy, then my dad suddenly passed away, guy knew and didn't reach out for 6 months, dated someone else in the meantime, and recently came back and wants a second date.

UPDATE: thank you all for the thoughtful responses. Consensus seems to be that one more date won’t kill me.

My MIL is old and not tech savvy and lives abroad. Shes nearing 80 so she gets a pass. She wants to attend a family wedding but it requires 3 separate flights. She insists she can do them and will travel with a hand luggage only. Cool. I book the flights but 2 flights require an online verification with passport scanning and then checking in via the app again scanning the passport. Ryanair insists you gotta do everything yourself digitally on the app or they'll charge you extra for wanting to check in in person.

Mother in law has a daughter and a 24 year old granddaughter. I communicate the following instructions:

Use this online link for verification. It must be this link here.

Then the booking will show up on the app.

Do the online check in on the app.

The daughter instead of communicating directly to me messages her aunty and says cant she just collect her boarding pass when she lands??

I say No. It has to be done now. Please. She is travelling alone. I want all her boarding passes ready.

Oh but the link isnt working. It says wrong email.

I say You need to use this verification link. Ive checked it. It works.

Okay she manages one boarding pass. Im thinking the second should be easy.

Oh the link isnt working.

I say please use the verification link that I specified. Youre not supposed to add the booking in the app until its verified. Please the second flight is crucial as the layover is 2 hours.

Oh but its not working. Now it says the email is incorrect.

I say i promise you the link works. I tested it. I just cant do the scanning of MIL passport.

Oh well i wasnt able to do it because she had to leave for her first flight. So hopefully it works out.

Its infuriating. My husband tries to say oh shes very easy going and sometimes doesnt take things seriously enough. No she is incompetent and cant follow instructions. I'm so confused. I could not have made the instructions any more clearer or urgent. Why are you so incompetent???

I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years now, married 3 years, and I’ve just never been able to fit in with his friend’s partners.

He has a really big friendship group, and some of it is that the girlfriend’s have had long established friendships that can feel a bit cliquey. But then some of it is just me feeling like I don’t fit in, we all don’t catch up much but when we do it’s very much big parties with drugs and alcohol and I’m just not much of a partier. So I think that has created some distance too.

They’re all nice enough, but I just haven’t been able to get to know any of them more closely. I try and remind myself I have my people and that’s enough, but it’s hard sometimes in a social setting to not feel like a bit of the weird girl that doesn’t fit in like in high school. Sometimes I try and make more of an effort but I just feel awkward and left out a lot of the time.

Most recently I found out that I didn’t get an invite to a bachelorette party of one of the girl’s I felt like I was the closest with but a lot of the other girls in the group did. So even the closest relationship I thought I had really must not be much.

Is this something others can relate to? Any advice? Or even just words that could make me feel like I’m not alone.

Friends I am exhausted and I come to you struggling quite a lot with this.

For the past year my ex friend (early 40s) has been blowing up at people, assuming the worst of them and then acting like nothing happened at all. I was never the target for our almost decade-long friendship until this year. For context, has pretty much always been somewhat jealous of me (i'm not saying this to flatter myself, she has told me so - it was better when i was in a relationship and not a "threat" to her) as I have befriended a lot of people in a shared social group. A few of them have been guys she's had crushes on. I am not romantically interested in any of them, and I am very uncomfortable with this sense that she views me as an adversary when I simply just want to maintain friendships with these people.

She blew up at me over two small things: one was a text message in which i defended a mutual friend she kept shit talking (she has had an obsessive crush on him over the past year and was rejected by him). The other was that I gave her a wrong ETA to an event we had not coordinated together (I'm not exaggerating, she literally called me a bad and toxic friend for this).

The other people she has targeted before have made up with her, but when i've tried to mend things with her, she makes the problem worse and misrepresents me completely. So even the fact that I don't want to talk with her again about this gives her "ammo" because I am being too "unconfrontational" and "avoidant". Like what the actual fuck, I cannot win.

Clearly I have needed to back off and not interact with her, which is what I've done. My main issue here is that we still share friends, and even though they have plenty of issues with her, they keep hanging out and planning stuff without me. It's a shitty spot because I don't want to be sucked back into her orbit, but I worry I'm being cut out. Everyone quietly acknowledges she has issues, but instead of standing up for me in any capacity, they appease her and sweep things under the rug. I understand not wanting to become the target of her fury, but I feel genuinely let down and hurt.

I know the advice would be to find new friends, and I want to do that. But I am in a city where I don't have a wealth of friends so this group is important to me. My shared friends keep saying we need to show her love, but I swear to god we have to do this song and dance every year when she inevitably blows up or spirals in self hatred. It's actually driving me crazy and I don't know how to co-exist in this shared space, where so many friends keep brushing her behavior off and trying to appease her to keep the peace while I feel that I'm suffering the consequences of her actions.

Maybe this all sounds selfish but this has been going on so long and it eats up so much mental energy for me. I can't tell if I'm trapped in my own insecurities, which I absolutely struggle with, or how much I can realistically expect from my friends and community who claim to value me. I don't know how to exist in this space without being consumed by anxiety right now so any advice, as harsh as needed will really help. Thanks all

Editing for clarity; I should specify that some friends have taken distance from her but it is hard to fully disconnect or cut her off (not trying to excuse their choices but whatever) and that most things that are scheduled include everyone - there is just a certain event this weekend that SHE initiated so it’s not like she’d invite me anyway. Sorry if my initial post made it sound more dramatic, I am typing fast and am tired today

Hi ladies,

Just wondering if anyone has gone through this or has any experiences or advice. My 2026 goal was to build friendships. I'm married and have been with my partner for 9 years now. We spend a lot of time together and that was the bulk of my social interactions. We each have 2-3 friends nearby. We were probably averaging like 1-2 social events a month.

I've been relatively successful this year. I joined a biking group, an outdoors group, and even tried RealRoots. I've met a few women on BumbleBFF. Then through some of these people, I've met others. I'd say I've been regularly hanging out with ~5 people consistently. And I'm still trying to maintain my old friendships.

Through these groups/new friendships I've been to multiple concerts, gone camping, seen comedy shows, been hiking, etc etc. All to say - I've been pretty "successful." However, recently I've been feeling a weird sense of loneliness.

My partner is doing something similar so we're both pretty busy these days and we now have 1-2 evenings just to ourselves. I find myself feeling a bit impatient that things don't feel comfortable yet with a lot of these people...or that I'll leave a social situation feeling like something was lacking. Idk!

Is this a normal transition phase as you get to know people? I've never tried so hard to make friends. Like many others, they've always come from school, sports, and work.

I’m 32F, live alone, and work fully remote, so I’m eating most of my meals at home or spend way too much going out.

I feel like grocery shopping for one person is weirdly difficult. I hate buying a ton of ingredients for one meal and I also don’t want to eat the same leftovers for a week straight.

I’m curious what everyone else actually does. Do you plan meals for the week? Just keep certain staples on hand and figure it out as you go? Shop multiple times a week?

I’d love to know what groceries you always keep stocked and how you approach meals without wasting a bunch of food or spending a fortune. I feel like I need a better system because winging it every week is getting old lol.

I was watching a GRWM TikTok the other day, and the woman casually sprayed 15+ pumps of perfume (it could've been more but the clip cut off before she finished).

I was shocked – I don't wear fragrance often, but when I do, I usually do 1-2 pumps and then still worry that I reek and am giving everyone a migraine.

So now I'm wondering what's appropriate. Obviously it's going to be different depending on the fragrance, dispenser, person, occasion, etc., but as a rough ballpark.

If you use fragrance, how much do you use? For example, for brunch with friends, or going out in the evening?

Edit: Okay it looks like I'm not crazy for thinking 15+ sprays is a lot!

Edit: I just looked more closely and it was Jackie Aina using her own perfume brand, which explains a lot. But even so, she still went to an event with that much perfume on.

I often find that men like to chat a lot over text before a date. I really don’t like to share my life story before meeting someone, as too many times I’ve gone out and not vibed. How do you avoid this? I don’t want to be super blunt but this particular guy keeps asking things like “can I ask you a direct question?” and I’m getting a bit annoyed. Why can’t they just wait a few days?

How do you ladies deal with this gently but firmly and not kill the vibe?

We have our ups and downs with my parents and siblings like most families but we still care deeply about each other. I'm the eldest, live abroad. My siblings moved to the same country (as students first). I've been their main support system (financial and emotional), at least that's how I feel. I'll do it all over again whenever needs be.

But I feel like I can't provide the emotional support anymore. My mental health isn't at it's best. I've been feeling like on the verge of a breakdown for a couple of years. Lately, I've been feeling detached from my life, anxious... it clearly shows in our interactions, I get irritated, angry...

I might be wrong but I feel like my siblings aren't strong enough to handle things by themselves especially my sister (she has OCD).

We visit our parents a couple of times a year. They are hoarders (I'm afraid I'm becoming one too...), and we often end up arguing about it. As they are getting older this whole situation is causing me a lot of anxiety. Sometimes I catch myself playing the scene of on my parents passing away, how hard it will be for me but especially for my siblings and my other parent. And I'm scared I won't be able to support them.

But the other things that's causing the tension is the hoarding. In my culture, people come to your home for the funeral. I keep thinking how will I be able to manage all the stuff around the house when I'm grieving. I shouldn't be stressed out over this.

Mom keeps saying that she'll take care of it when she retires, but death might have other plans.

I want to openly talk about it with my parents but I can't find the right way to do it without making them worried about my mental health (they can see that I'm doing well but they probably don't know the extent of it), and without ending up in a confrontation.

Thanks for your support 🙏🏻

I’m getting married next year and my fiance has one sister.

We’re close in age and are cordial and polite when we see each other, and occasionally text and share stuff with one another on social media. We don’t really hangout one on one, and I am okay with that.

She’s friendly and I know she means well but we don’t have much in common. She tends to dominate a lot of conversations and likes to be right a lot of the time. I’m a bit introverted and a people pleaser, so it feels more of a performance when I hangout with her one on one, and I don’t really enjoy it too much as I end up feeling drained. My fiance has a couple of friends whose partners I hang out with frequently. Our personalities are more similar and I feel we have more in common.

I think my SIL wants to have a closer relationship with me, and I’m struggling with how to go about that. I’m not close with my siblings and I’ve always wanted that close relationship with a sister or brother and I don’t really think our relationship will be like that.

Makes me think — how close are you to your SIL? What are your dynamics like?

I need a whole refresh and don’t know where to start. Anyone have success with a place or brand to help you determine what you need?

My ex died a few weeks ago. We parted ways six years ago and things were going overall well. I had moved on in a healthy way.

I was in my 20s when we were together and thankfully have grown.

He died suddenly and unexpectedly. He was young.

It’s brought up so damn much. I have had so many thoughts and feelings. It’s exhausting. Naturally I have thought of what ifs. I was planning to see him sometime next year as he lives in a different country and was looking forward to a reunion. The other week I kept thinking how I am so glad this is not my problem. I feel so much pain for his friends and family. This week I am sad I’ll never see him again and sad he didn’t get more life.

The only reason I’m thinking about him this much is because he’s dead. And it’s so overwhelming. I know I mattered to him at a time but our stories went different ways. I even feel stupid having this grief. But I imagine if the situation was reversed he’d feel pain.

I feel so alone with this grief cause it’s my ex. It’s not a parents or family member or even a friend. Crap, I am a teacher and lost a student- I could find folks to relate.

His friend posted about how they hoped he’d fund his better half one day- I feel guilt I couldn’t be that and that I was such a mess when I was younger. But also I’ve been searching for the same thing.

I booked a therapy session next week.

I’ll take any advice or words of wisdom. I’m losing my mind.

I am asking people who habitually host.

I am NOT asking those who are usually the attendees! Thanks for your insight, but I am not asking you.

Yall know who you are 😂 and yeah yeah yeah we allll need therapy i got it

■■▪︎▪︎

Im a planner. I like to host or plan things like, a party, dinner party, going to an activity together, drives together etc. I like planning, organizing, cooking, hosting etc.

After the pandemic, I noticed so many peoples mental health and energy has been scrambled. They both complain about being lonely and dont show up for their friends in the same breath. I went through a phase where I only did things alone from the dissapointment of the flakes, but Ive learned to redirect my energy towards people who are reciprocal. I dont need them to host back, I just dont like flaky people.

My questions are these for fellow type-a ish planners:

How have you found your balance between hosting/befriending and keeping your mental health well?

What specific messages have helped you to manage your expectations?

When you feel overwhelmed in the moment from dissapointment?

☆☆

Some tips that helped me (although it turns some personalities off, but thats ok because it helps me 'weed' out!), is saying, "Hey the event im having is [date and time]. If I dont hear back by [this other date] I'll assume you arent coming. Hope to see you make it, and no worries if you cant!

I also try things out with a rotation of people, and give people a few chances and not be impatient. But when I notice a pattern I recognize it and move accordingly. One friend who is dear to me will never show up to a thing on time. So i let her know if something is happening, (because i still want to see her!) But I dont expect her to come, and dont "plan" for her to come. That helps keep my expectations at bay.

Persons who give me a consistent vibe of "ohh, im doing this other thing and may come to yours after/who else is gonna be there" i call like fan vibes, ive just learned not to extend invitations to them but still cordial with them in person as an acquaintance.

I could do with some inspiration.

Question is in the title.

I feel somewhat “expert” in processing grief for losing people as I’ve had more than my share of family and friends who have passed away.

However I am finding it really difficult to process grief for the life I wanted.

At this point in time, there is legitimately no way it will ever happen.

I married early and planned for a big family, but after illness and death of first husband, financial catastrophes that were completely out of my control, second husband that I am in love with but who cannot get me pregnant and many failed IVF processes, it’s just not going to happen. It literally feels like there is some big bad person actively trying to screw me over for years. I am exhausted and sad.

I've been struggling lately with friendships, particularly finding friends I can count on.

I have one longtime friend who has been there for me during some of the worst periods of my life, and I'll always appreciate that. But lately, the friendship has felt very one-sided. She didn't come to my birthday, and I feel like she really hasn't been there for me in quite some time. I'm starting to wonder whether it's time to let the friendship go.

I have a couple of other friends, but those relationships aren't nearly as close.

For those of you who have found close friendships later in life, how did you do it? Did those friendships develop naturally through shared activities, or did you make a conscious effort to build them?

I'm undecided and it's in two days. Originally I did decide to have a small gathering over a meal with my partner, younger brother, two aunts and cousin. My parents are dead and we have a very small family now. But now I'm more anxious/stressed thinking about it as there is bad history/blood in the past from family arguments and really awful stuff which has caused trauma.

So I'm thinking, do I want to spend a meal together potentially thinking about all that stuff?

As well as thinking that, I'm also feeling sad that my parents aren't around to celebrate my 30th with me. I was thinking of making the meal smaller by having the meal with my younger brother and partner who are the two most important people in my life. I still want to get dressed up ( I even bought a dress!) and go out.

My two closest friends said they'd take me to a nice bar afterwards that night as well. I know it's silly but I'm getting that FOMO feeling, I'm jealous of people who can have big celebrations with tons of family and friends. Something I don't really have unfortunately, I just want to feel like I can celebrate this is with family as I miss them a lot but I can't and it's sad.

I was thinking of waxing because it's easier,but I hear a lot of people complain about darkening

How long does a thread last? Which lasts longer, threading or waxing, it would be really helpful.. thankuu

How do you navigate being a bridesmaid when the financial expectations feel unreasonable, especially when it’s one of your closest friends? My best friend is getting married next summer and I’m feeling overwhelmed by the costs.

The wedding is in remote location (100% of guests have to travel here), requiring flights, a rental car (the nearest airport is an hour away), and accommodations at a specific hotel where rooms start at $400/night. None of these expenses are being covered.

On top of that, there’s a bachelorette celebration expected to cost around $300. Between everything, I’m looking at spending well over $2k, which is more than I’m comfortable with.

I love my friend and want to support her, but I’m struggling with how to approach this without creating tension. I also wonder whether wedding expectations have gotten a little out of hand, particularly when couples choose expensive, remote venues and expect their bridal parties to absorb all the costs.

For those who’ve been in similar situations, how did you handle it? Is it reasonable to skip the bachelorette or find alternative accommodations?

I don’t want money to affect a close friendship, but I also think it’s important to have financial boundaries.