The longer you are with the narcissist, the deeper the damage of the psychological pain from their manipulation, devaluation, and gaslighting. Don't ignore the red flags. Narcissists don't change, they mislead you to feel you are the one who needs to change.

I want to so badly. But I’d be doing it out of spite, not out of care.

Should I do it? They would see the absolute shit show my ex lives in. She’s disgusting and a hoarder. She bartends so she always has a babysitter with her son.

For context — we were living together 2 years, found out she was cheating, I moved out immediately. No contact from her since Aug 13. Saw her once in public and she went the opposite direction. I was helping raise her son who is now 5. She is an awful human being and I truly hope we stay no contact forever

But I do want her to suffer because to me it looks like she won — she had a new guy already, she was extremely callous when I found out, she was an asshole to me the last three weeks. I feel like she should pay (I know I know, she will pay by being an empty shell of a person)

Do narcissist spouse not know that they are being manipulated every minute? Dont they feel exhuasted by constant highs and lows, push and pull and insecurities, stress? How does a narcissist spouse remain in relationship knowing that spouse has habit of cheating and hooking up with many female outside of their marriage?

He’s trying to ruin my life by going up to my friends and talking bad about me. He tries to insult me during classes just because i rejected him. How can i respond to this behaviour? Do o take revenge!

My ex partner who completely betrayed me and played the hell out of me and wasted my life (but I still care about him being alive), asked to see me and that he’s not doing well, so I say yes. But then he goes MIA. He has, for awhile, been trying to “win” me back for awhile, be emotional with me, and I guess lure me back. I have kept in contact a little, I have told him many times that I don’t want him anymore, im done, im tired, and have turned him down many times.
The next day he told me he hurt himself, he’s in the hospital and he’s not okay. He didn’t tell me anything else. That night he said he was discharged and would talk to me later. He didn’t answer or anything for 2 and a half days.
The next time he did say anything, he texted me saying “I’m tired of living”. I texted him asking, why are you saying that, are you okay, please don’t give up…. And then nothing else.
the next day still no response, and honestly I was really concerned and worried, I was afraid he was really going to do something, he already said he hurt himself. I was afraid of not doing anything and him doing something to himself. So I reached out to his sister, who I’m cool with. I told her the gist of everything, what he said and that I’m worried. I asked her not to tell him. She said ok and she’ll check on him. Later on he finally said he’s alive just recovering. I ask “are you okay?”. He said physically he broke a couple knuckles and his neck hurts but he should be fine, and nothing else. I asked what happened. No response. It has been 11 days now, it’s odd of him, despite everything.
My question is, was I wrong to go to his sister and tell her my concerns and what he said?
I’m afraid his sister mentioned I told her, and he’s pissed at me. I know I shouldn’t care because of what he did and what happened to us, but I’m worried about that

i feel like i’m dating a narcissist. i don’t know exactly when it hit me, pero at some point i realized na every time we fight, ako lagi ang may mali sa paningin nya. hindi sya nagso-sorry or nakikinig, lagi lang nyang sinasabi “ganyan ka kasi,” “ganyan kasi ugali mo,” “ganyan mo kasi ina-perceive ‘yung mga bagay-bagay.” instead of addressing what actually happened, ako pa yung napapaexplain at napapadefend sa sarili kong nararamdaman, to the point na pati ako nagdududa na kung ako ba talaga ang problema.

there was a time na nag-joke sya about something na sinabi ko nang specifically wag nyang gamitin against me. nasaktan ako, and when i told him, ako pa raw ang mali for reacting and thinking that way kasi “joke lang naman ‘yun.” so now even my hurt feelings have to be justified.

a lot of our fights are also because wala syang kusa sa bahay. hybrid ang work nya, so mas madalas syang wfh, and sa amin sya umuuwi. he literally has a work setup sa kwarto ko, and aalis lang sya kapag onsite ang sched nya. he pays for groceries and other expenses, pero ako na ang gumagawa ng lahat ng rest. and mind you, employed din ako and pumapasok sa office every single day, pero pag-uwi ko, ako pa rin ang nagluluto ng dinner namin kasi lagi nyang reason na pagod sya sa work. hindi ko magets kasi pagod din naman ako. night shift daw kasi sya, so technically hindi raw sya makakapagluto sa gabi, kahit na nasa bahay lang naman sya buong araw.

he also weaponizes the fact na sya ang nagpo-provide. lagi nyang pinaparinig na nakakakain daw ako ng masarap kapag nandyan sya. kapag nakikisuyo ako na baka pwedeng sya na muna ang mag-asikaso ng kakainin namin sa gabi, ang sagot nya: “‘yan na nga lang task mo, magluluto ka na lang, hindi mo pa magawa,” kesyo sya na raw ang nagbabayad. somehow it got to the point na pakiramdam ko i’m being belittled, na parang wala akong ambag sa relationship namin, kahit ginagawa ko naman ang part ko.

ako rin ang naghahandle ng pamimili ng groceries. never pa nya akong sinundo kahit saan, pero ako ang madalas na sumusundo sa kanya sa terminal kapag galing syang luwas. he can’t even fold his own clothes na ako ang naglalaba, or sweep the floor kasi “busy” raw sya, pero kapag sinilip mo sa kwarto, naglalaro lang naman sya.

i know i’m not a perfect girlfriend, and i’ve always tried to be understanding of his situation. but lately i keep asking myself kung sobra na ba ‘yung hinihingi ko, o sadyang ako lang ‘yung laging nag-aadjust. i’m tired of feeling like i have to earn basic effort and respect in my own home, and the more i overthink it, the more i doubt myself.

the hardest part is that i don’t even know if i’m allowed to feel this way. i keep telling myself na baka ako lang ‘yung nag-ooverthink, na baka hindi naman ganun kalala, pero every time we fight, i end up feeling smaller and more unappreciated. i love him, pero i’m starting to wonder kung okay pa ba ‘to, or if i’ve just gotten used to it. so please, tell me honestly: am i valid for feeling this way?

I have a partner who is an immigrant

He has little man syndrome most likely because he's petite obsessively talks about his little peter.

Anyway I took ok helping him and it's consumed my life for almost 3 years now.

I've been his advocate, translator, obligated lover (I'm somewhat a sexual), navigator, networker, business helper, emotional punching bag, ECT.

I haven't even done the best job at many of these things but how could I if I'm abandoning my life helping him.

It's felt like karma and an obligation. So many people helped me abroad to I wanted to help him.

He's taken advantage of that and I've seen it. I like helping people who don't rely on me and many people in short bursts.

I was always independent more or less. Traveling alone but yes appeasing people who safety because I was often taken risks hitchhiking alone or living in my car alone. I would trade attention for comfort.

So I got used to people pleasing and or having worth.

But I was usually good at leaving and not staying when there was bad treatment.

But he convinced me. I guess because I had just gotten back from his country in South America and used to speaking Spanish and that I knew things were getting dangerous for immigrants in this country.

I wanted to have purpose and protect

But he is a victim with moving goal post demands. Constantly terrorizing me from sleeping or yelling at me demanding I go to bed early and not trusting me or my autonomy.

Telling me in worthless basically for not being a traditional housewife, which I've never wanted..

I could go on when in the right headspace but I feel it's too much to discuss here, but I'm constantly asking AI for support and to analyze the scenarios that happen to be daily .

He's threatened to burn my stuff or his. Jump off a building.

Pretty unstable and manipulative.

But out of dormant low self esteem/identity/and caring for his outcome here I've taken it all on and helped him.

He's threatened to say I've k1dn@ped him or kept his money from him.

None should be believable.

He says he will get me banned from his country and I will have a cursed miserable life after he leaves.

I haven't dealt with this before and don't want to report him due to the more severe consequences for him.

I just want him to calm down and go home.

I got him a plane ticket and he wants me to go but demands I go with him and says he won't leave and will be on the street homeless

But he's so soft and privileged I've never seen him sleep out in the cold unless forced .

An old roommate intervined and got him away.

He got me feeling guilty and trusting him for some.reason I welcomed him back

He does give me purpose and he's indigenous from the Amazon rainforest so he has a lot of charm, knowledge, and spiritual awareness.

I always tell him it's not ok how he is but he becomes the victim always making it about him.

I just hope he will leave and take his flight and I won't have any repercussions.

Wish me well and that I can be strong.

And have the strength to get myself or get to know myself again because everything's been abandoned for his needs

I didn't have that much going on already so..

But still he's isolated me from support and sucks my energy saying I'm the energy sucker.

I'd I am at all its just coping from him.

It’s weird, I know, but I’m incredibly lucky to have found someone who, when they occasionally drink, are even more affirmative of their love and care for me.

They’re goofy and cute and sloppy, but they’re honest. Without inhibition he makes his feelings clear.

I’m so jaded by the fake was I went through for 6 years that I’m afraid that anything I experience now might be ingenuine. There’s literally no reason to believe such, but it still happens.

I’m counting my blessings and making sure to reciprocate.

Alcoholic narcissist

recently ended a four-year relationship with a 59-year-old man, and I’m still trying to make sense of it. I’m 48 and have only had a handful of relationships, including a long marriage.
The first two years were incredibly passionate and affectionate. He was handsome, successful, charming, and constantly showered with attention for his looks. Women have handed him business cards that said “I know have a girlfriend but you only live once” etc … I found one from 2007 (!) that he musta saved for his ego. But gradually, he became controlling and critical of my clothing, accused me of dressing provocatively, and disliked me going out with friends. Any minor disagreement or emotional need resulted in two or three days of silent treatment. By the third year, this was happening monthly or more . He also kept track in his notes of when I went out without him and where . He consistently refused to discuss problems or take accountability, shutting down immediately for days if there was a problem .

I also realized how excessive his drinking was. He’s 6 foot seven and 260 pounds and he never seemed drunk. Ive seen him buzzed. He drinks daily, often heavily at home , including whiskey, wine, and tequila. Just a regular Monday or Tuesday night he’s drinking a ton of wine maybe a bottle and then follow it by a glass of whiskey or two or three glasses of whiskey . I’ve witnessed him driving drunk, trashed actually (stopped by his house unannounced on a weds which is when he sees his former stepson, who is also a functioning, Alcoholic, they go out for dinner and a cigar ) which he dismissed because he considers himself a risk-taker. His previous 15-year relationship was with another heavy drinker, and their social life revolved around alcohol. I would say he drinks around 40 drinks a week. His nose is red/ swollen. Red face bags under his eyes but his fan club doesn’t care. Says he’s been drinking like this for over 30 years.

He also has an enormous ego, constantly referencing his looks, money, MMA fighting, and having slept with over 100 women. He genuinely seems to believe he’s superior to other men because of these things. Says he’s “done things other men can’t do”.

I refused to have him move in or take things further, which has seriously pissed him off the last couple years .

I eventually ended things seven weeks ago. I did it face to face at his home respectfully. My only request was that he delete intimate photos and videos of me. He initially lied about deleting them, later admitted he hadn’t, and still refuses seven weeks later, instead calling me selfish and disrespectful.
I’m wondering whether this sounds like narcissistic traits, alcoholism, or both. Can years of excessive admiration, female attention, and praise contribute to narcissism? I’m struggling to understand how someone who seemed so wonderful initially could become so emotionally dismissive and cruel.