This summer, I went through one of the hardest moments of my life. I was struggling with suicidal ideation, carrying so much emotional pain that I didn’t even know what to do with it anymore. I remember sitting by a lake, crying and screaming, feeling overwhelmed by everything that had happened to me and everything I had been trying so hard to process. My cousin Precious was with me, and I was just trying to get through a moment that felt almost impossible to bear.
During that time, my dad and I had a conversation that hurt me deeply. While I was already struggling, he told me that it was my fault that I hadn’t received the proper justice I deserved after sharing my story with my family about being sexually assaulted by other family members in the past. Hearing that from my own father, especially when I was already in such a vulnerable place, was devastating. I felt like I was being blamed for something that had already caused me so much pain. I had spent so much time trying to understand what happened to me, trying to heal from it, and trying to find the courage to speak about it. The last thing I needed was to feel like I was somehow responsible for the way everything unfolded afterward.
At that point in my life, I was hurting so badly that I struggled to understand the people around me, especially the people closest to me. I began questioning my dad’s character and wondering if he was a narcissist. I questioned his intentions, his behavior, and the way he responded to my pain. I was looking at everything through the lens of my trauma, and I was trying to find an explanation for why someone I loved could say something that hurt me so deeply at a time when I needed understanding the most.
For a while, I thought finding a label for him might help me make sense of everything. I thought that if I could figure out what was wrong with him, maybe I could finally understand why certain things happened the way they did. But as time passed, I started realizing that healing wasn’t necessarily about finding the perfect word to describe another person. Sometimes, healing means accepting that you don’t have every answer. Sometimes, it means recognizing that someone can hurt you without you fully understanding why they did it, and that you can acknowledge the pain they caused without being defined by it.
As I continued to heal, I began to understand that my dad was a narcissist, and that’s OK. Not OK because I’m accepting it from him, but OK because that is him as a whole, and I am me. And we are two different people that will make different decisions in our lives. now, That doesn’t mean the conversation by the lake didn’t hurt me. It doesn’t mean I suddenly understood everything or that all the pain disappeared. It simply means that I started looking at things differently. I began to realize that one painful experience, even an incredibly painful one, doesn’t automatically tell me everything is over. Or that I should just completely throw in a towel. It shows me that even if things are going badly and sequential order that does not mean that life is not worth living. It showed me to pick myself up, to get on my feet. Or at least to try to start to get to that point. I don’t think that I will ever have all the answers about my dad, our relationship, or every experience I’ve had with him, and I’m learning to be okay with that.
One of the hardest lessons I am still trying to learn is that healing doesn’t always come with a clear explanation. Sometimes, you have to let go of the need to understand every single thing that happened to you. You can acknowledge that something hurt you without spending the rest of your life trying to figure out why it happened. You can love someone and still recognize that certain experiences with them affected you deeply. You can also change your perspective as you grow, because healing allows you to look at things you once understood one way and begin to see them differently.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’ve completely healed from everything I’ve experienced. I haven’t. There are still aspects of my mental health that I struggle with, and there are still things I’m learning how to navigate. Some days are harder than others. Sometimes, old feelings and fears still find their way back to me, and I have to remind myself that I’m not the same person I was when I was sitting beside that lake, crying and screaming because everything felt like too much. I still have battles to fight, and I still have moments when I have to work through things that other people might not even realize I’m struggling with.
But I’m growing. And that means something to me.
When I look at my life now, I can recognize the good things that exist alongside the pain. I have an amazing partner who brings happiness into my life, and I have friends who genuinely mean so much to me. I have people around me who remind me that love, connection, and happiness are still possible, even after experiencing things that made me question so much about myself and the people around me. I’m learning that my life doesn’t have to be defined by the worst things I’ve experienced. My trauma is part of my story, but it isn’t the entirety of who I am.
Having an amazing partner and wonderful friends doesn’t mean that all my problems magically disappear. Love isn’t a cure for every wound, and having good people in my life doesn’t mean I never struggle anymore. But having people who care about me has helped me recognize that there is so much more to life than the pain I’ve carried. I’m learning how to appreciate the beautiful things without feeling like I have to pretend the painful things never happened. I’m learning that I can be happy and still be healing. I can laugh, love, make memories, and have good days while still working through the parts of myself that need time, patience, and care.
Therapy has also been part of that process. I’m learning more about myself, my emotions, my experiences, and the ways those experiences have affected how I see the world. I’m learning to question the conclusions I make when I’m hurting, to give myself room to grow, and to understand that I don’t have to figure everything out overnight. Healing is teaching me that I can take things one day at a time instead of putting pressure on myself to have everything figured out immediately.
I think one of the biggest changes in me has been realizing that I don’t need to have all the answers to move forward. I don’t need to understand every part of my relationship with my dad to continue growing. I don’t need to have a perfect explanation for everything that happened to me. And I don’t need to be completely healed to acknowledge how far I’ve come.
The battle with my mental health isn’t completely over. I’m still learning. I’m still struggling with certain things. I’m still figuring out how to navigate my emotions and make sense of experiences that have shaped me in ways I’m only beginning to understand. But I’m also learning how to live, how to love, how to trust, and how to recognize the good things in my life without letting my pain overshadow them.
That girl sitting beside the lake this summer was hurting in ways that I wish she hadn’t had to experience. I wish she could have felt more supported in that moment. I wish she hadn’t had to carry so much pain at once. But when I think about her now, I don’t just see someone who was struggling. I see someone who made it through a moment she didn’t know how to handle. I see someone who still had so much growing to do, so much love to experience, and so much life ahead of her.
I’m proud of myself for continuing to try, even when healing has been difficult. I’m proud of myself for being willing to change my perspective, for learning that I can acknowledge my pain without allowing it to define every relationship in my life, and for recognizing that I can be a work in progress while still being worthy of happiness.
I don’t have everything figured out, and I don’t think I need to. I’m learning that healing isn’t about reaching a point where nothing hurts anymore. It’s about reaching a point where the pain no longer controls every part of your life. It’s about learning to carry your experiences differently, finding the support you need, and allowing yourself to experience happiness without feeling guilty for the parts of you that are still healing.
I’m not completely there yet. But I’m trying, day by day, and I’m slowly learning what I need to learn along the way.
And for now, that is enough for me. I’m still here. I’m still growing. I’m still finding reasons to be happy. And even though my mental health journey isn’t over, I’m learning that my story can hold both pain and healing, both struggle and happiness, both the things I’ve lost and the beautiful things I’ve found.
I’m not the person I was sitting beside that lake this summer. I’m still becoming the person I’m meant to be, and for the first time in a long time, I can recognize just how much that matters.
I hope that this story makes somebody happy, or that my experiences make somebody smile and show somebody in this world whoever that made that they have something worth living for, and that they will find, and their own way a path and someone good or their self if they just hold on to that tiny piece of hope.

How does it feel dealing with all the brokenness inside after dealing with a narcissist? I Know!!! Share your thoughts?

Question. Kapag ang narc ba ay nadiagnose na may anxiety and under medication may chance ba magbago pa sila?? Translate to english

I noticed that when they have no escape and their tricks don’t work, the facade falls, the threat they feel is so real and they start to act like they are being hunted down by the tiger… the panic is so real and this makes one wonder as to was it even dragging them outside their delusional bubble worth it? It also seems contradictory that they have the desire to know the truth but fear facing the truth. Their delusions seems to protect them from this pain. How does one have empathy for their perceived threat while also protecting our ownself from them ?

I (38F) went no contact in 2017

I don't have an emergency contact. I don't have any friends. There's another woman who I'm getting to know but we're still not too familiar with each other

I wasn't focusing on trying to make friends until just a few months ago

I kept trying to get into relationships, thinking that the guy's family could be my new family. But the relationship would always be bullshit and he'd be abusive.

I'm done with dating and just want positive supportive female friends now

Am I stupid for taking so long to form friendships?

I mean like you have no one in your life. You move to a whole new country or something. Building up a new life, community, joy, a partner/family etc.

I'll keep this super short, of course will be missing some details but I grew up in a very dysfunctional "home". Addicts, abusers, things I probably shouldn't say as I'm not sure if the post will allow to go through. You get the point.

But it's all I ever knew as a kid growing up. Life was dysfunctional. It wasn't like anyone else of my friends I had. I would be around their houses all the time and it was so beautiful and different.

This shapes your teens/twenties. For me anyway. I stayed in the dysfunction for a long time and it represented who I was around or called friends too. I was a scapegoat. Used a lot. I was "weak" without knowing it. I put on a mask to try fit in.

Blah blah blah... It's in the past now...

I am now 33, I've moved continent and I've been in therapy for some years now. My life has changed tremendously in this time. Granted before this I was already on a good habit scale. Gym, clean eating, not on social media, vices etc.

But right now I'm at what feels like a pivotal moment almost like really starting a new life. I've gone no contact with my "family" bare in mind it's literally just 2 of them because of how dysfunctional it is everyone seems to distant themselves. So not like I have a big loving family anywhere. They're addicts just inside (I tried to help, rehab etc for many years and I need to look after myself right now)

I've spent a lot of time in solitude during these years which have been good but now I want to connect with people again, build community, can't help the negative thought appear like who would want to be friends with some guy whos by himself / doesn't have anyone around but that's where I'm at. I'm not lonely but feel like a "loner" almost.

I work for myself, online business which is in decent shape and I have a lot of joy from this. I also connect with many people online through my work on a personal level so it's not like I don't speak to any humans.

Anyone done something similar?

36M here, been no contact with narc parents for 5 years, was previously low contact since 2013.

I was raised by the engulfing type of narcissist. The deal was basically: "I'll do everything for you, but you'll never become independent." So my Nmum interfered with every single part of my life until I started to rebel and eventually broke free.

Over the last 13 years, I've come a very long way. I've painstakingly taught myself every valuable skill I use day-to-day to survive. Everything from shaving and cooking to how to navigate relationships and express boundaries. I've been to therapy many times and worked on myself sincerely for a very long time. It's been extremely challenging, but also rewarding.

A consistent challenge for me has been money. I've had a low, inconsistent income for my entire adult life. In 2014, I was so broke that I couldn't pay my own rent and had to couch-surf with friends. I got into freelance content writing in 2015 after a talk with my therapist, and that kept me afloat for a good while. Some months were better than others, some months money was tight, but I got by. It was rewarding to be able to work remotely from home. But it was never completely stable, and there have been many months when I was stressed about money. This has impacted my mental health and relationships.

The past few years since the rise of AI have made things harder. It's trickier to get the sort of writing work I enjoy in 2026 than it was 10 years ago. There's more competition and fewer jobs. The last 18 months, I've been on a slow, gradual, downward spiral. Some months, I've had freelance work, but other months I've had to dip into my savings. My savings are down around 2/3 compared to 18 months ago.

I have a beautiful network of healthy friends now, many of whom are financially stable. I admire that greatly, but I also envy it a bit. I desire that stability for myself... but whatever I try, I can't seem to get it. Even at the peak of my freelance writing career, the good periods only lasted about 6 months, then something happened that I had little-to-no control over and I was struggling again.

I've tried applying for full-time work - 145 applications and counting since June. I've had interviews, but have got nowhere. I've tried switching careers to coaching, which appeals to me much more than writing. I've had some clients and deeply enjoyed that work, but it's been inconsistent.

It seems like whatever I try, I'm stuck on this particular point. I'm stuck in a place of financial instability. I'm intelligent and hard-working, and I want to be able to raise a healthy family one day. I can't do that if I don't have the financial resources. That frustrates me deeply. I feel really stuck.

Let me know if you can relate or have any sense of what you would do in my situation.

I'm NC with my parents and youngest brother and eldest sister (we're all well into or past middle age)

I delayed going full NC for many months because I felt it was best to stay LC for the sake of preserving some semblance of a relationship between my children and their grandparents. But discerned a little over 1 month ago that the energy cost to me was too high, and am full NC now. Phone numbers blocked, incoming emails filtered, and I informed them if they need to get in touch with me they have my mailing address.

Whelp, yesterday the mother figure left a voicemail indicating 1) she'd like to say happy birthday to my eldest, and 2) to inquire if there was a "path forward." Vague language, but I assume it pertains to my final communication with them.

I don't have the energy to deal with this today or tomorrow, but fact is, I would like for my son to hear Happy Birthday from his grandparents. But this "path forward" language is just Hoover-speak and part of me wants to just say no, no path forward. But there's another part of me that wants to say: "I'm taking a break for a full year from anyone who recently violated my boundaries or brought any kind of violence into my life, and that includes you, your spouse, and your youngest son. If you are still interested in a path forward come January 1, 2028, feel free to reach out via post about it at that time."

Prediction would be: she'll snap nasty QUICK and re-affirm for me that NC is the right decision. Even if she and her spouse responded with humility, I know BETTER THAN ANYONE that they'll never change and are getting worse with age. But communication may flow a little easier for awhile. That may be less stressful than maintaining NC. That's got some value since I'm at a very stressful life stage. Dunno.

So I'd welcome feedback or advice, especially from folk who navigated the line between NC / LC with any degree of successful fluidity over the years.

It’s like they are your family and you’ve gone no contact with them so who do you really have left. I just feel like the only person in the world, I know I’m not but it just feel so loud, and everything I’ve done ever since going Nc with them is entirely fueled by the fear of them, I’m so tired of continuing cutting people out of my life because I’m scared them might be connected to them and lead me back to the abuse source and it’s like I’m scared I’m running out of people that might be supportive of me

I was the scapegoat in my household growing up. I moved out at eighteen thinking I was free, but until recently, I kept in touch with my narcissistic parent as an adult. She isolated me from extended family, and now I’m in my early forties with barely any contact with anyone.

I didn’t realize until recently that the scapegoating never stopped. I knew she lied about me to my siblings and authorities, and they believed her. But what I dn know was that for the past twenty years she’s been lying about me to extended friends and family on both sides.

I feel a strong urge to reach out to one relative and tell the truth, but I’m afraid they won’t believe me. I know my sibling, who’s closer in age, would back up my statements even though we no longer speak bc this parent turned us against each other. I know which relative I want to contact, but I don’t want to make things worse by doing it wrong.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Like you’d see them i public they just stare at you you’ve got nice clothes on your in shape your educated you’ve are completely better without them and their control free from them and they just stare at you you’ve got a nice watch on nice clothes a why are these people so creepy they hate to see anyone improve themselves

I need to process something about my narcissistic parent and I needed to do it in a space like this community where people will understand where i am coming from

When i was a kid, my narcissist mother had (from my understanding very serious/progressed) cancer. Since then she has had several other cases of cancer (which she lived through).

Now as an adult I am a woman getting a lump biopsied for cancer. Which i am very scared about. But on top of this its also bringing up all of the trauma from childhood around having a parent with cancer but not just any parent, a narcissist parent

Did anyone have an experience like this in childhood? what was it like?

because my mom was a N she obviously didnt try to emotionally sheild me from the experience of it like a normal loving parent would. She often told me how close she was to death. once she recovered she made me live in fear of her getting sick again . She also was a pathological liar so i dont know how true the things she told me were. Maybe it wasnt as serious of a case as she said

any thoughts or advice are appreciated

People will defend them and say "they're like that because no one loved them! They just wanna feel loved" yet narcissists act that way because they have people in their life who loves them unconditionally, which is why parents are often the Ns and why a good majority of Ns either have parents who treat them like a GC or have positions in life that give them some sort of status. Unlike a sociopath or BPD, you can create a narcissist by raising a child with unconditional love and never allowing them to face the consequences of their actions, telling them they are superior to others.

I don't care if they "feel unloved", they will target anyone who gives them actual love. And once that person runs the fuck away from them, they will target the NEXT person who gives them love.

How can they hurt anyone if no one loves them? They need to trick someone to care about them. Therefore, they received love. Therefore, I don't care if they feel "unloved".

It's just a bullshit excuse for their behavior. I don't know what goes on these people heads to feel sorry for Ns. What about their victims? Why obsess over how the abuser feels nonstop? Why not celebrate the victims that DON'T go into act the way these people do?

Everyone that sided my abuser 6 years ago were only next in line.

anyone whos been the scapgoat of the narcisstic family system knows that you most definitely endured years of gaslighting , exclusion, hurt, attacks etc. But once get away from them and try to heal self doubt lingers and you wonder if you are overanalysing ..

I am a 57 year old Asian-American male raised by two narcissistic parents. They are now 86 years old. My mother has moderate dementia and has become more pleasant. But my father is just awful - he lies when it suits him, is financially irresponsible, cannot give a sincere apology or admit his own mistakes, and overall, creates a big mess that imposes cost on others. I have been in therapy to contain my anger by focusing on the few happy memories from childhood. But my father is toxic (I cannot spend more than 10 minutes in a conversation before I need to excuse myself for a "restroom break").

1. Why do people tolerate narcissists in our schools and workplaces and not see the lies and severe harm they impose on other people?

2. Has the U.S. population always had the same proportion of toxic narcissists (surviving by taking resources from others and not sharing), or have they grown as a share of our U.S. population in the last 50 years?

Let me just start by saying my life has improved drastically since I cut her off. She's an evil, selfish, manipulative, jealous person.

But honestly, I'm the jealous one now. Because she has 2 kids - which I've never met. Our poor mom met the eldest and was crazy about her but then my sister used that to emotionally manipulate her so they eventually went NC as well (which is extremely painful for our mom).

I'm sad I'm missing out on being an aunt. I'm sad also because I've been unsuccessfully trying for a child for over a year now, almost a year and a half. I'm kind of relieved she's not in my life as I'm going through this because I'm sure she'd use this to hurt me, make fun of me, or see this as proof she's superior to me. And I also hope her kids will turn out okay because she and her husband are horrible people. But I can't help but have the terrible thought of, why her, and not me? Why her who's unable to care for anyone's wants but hers? I hope motherhood changed her for their sake.

Hi all, I’ve asked for space from my very toxic family. I haven’t said it is forever but I do need to focus on getting myself mentally better before I even entertain contact with them again. I have two children and I feel incredibly guilty about stopping their contact with my family too, but having said that my kids seem much more content and balanced now. Now I’ve had a few attempts from family members to suck me back in and I sent a very firm message saying, leave me the hell alone for a bit. I have now received a letter to my kids from my vulnerable narc mum asking about how they are and their future plans etc. I was expecting a letter as I’d read this is a common theme but I thought she’d address it to me not my kids, what do you all make of this? What should I do?

Or maybe a better question is: do people who operate in bad faith know that they're doing so?

Are they doing it intentionally or are they just operating in constant denial and cognitive dissonance?

I've always wondered about this and wanted to get some perspective.

Escribo por aquí por si alguien está en la misma situación que yo. Have algo más de 3 años misma hermana y yo pusimos fin a la relación con mis padres sobre todo con mi madre.

Siempre cuando me preguntaban cómo era la relación con mis padres en mi mente era una relación normal como todas ( estaba acostumbrada a una relación abusiva desde pequeña y eso es lo único que conocí)

Pero recientemente cuando mi madre empezó a meterse en mi relación, presentarse en mi casa de manera reiterativa sin yo desearlo, presentándose en mi trabajo, poniendo denuncias falsas contra mi pareja, mi hermana, y tantas cosas más. Con la ayuda de psicólogos me fui dando cuenta de que mi madre padecía algún trastorno psiquiátrico desde siempre asociado a una personalidad narcisista.
Machaques emocionales desde pequeños, para ella yo le debo la vida y todo lo que me ha dado a nivel material, nunca nada a nivel emocional.

Al principio en cada visita por sorpresa ( ella tiene que coger un avión para visitarme ya que vivo a miles de Km) no podía enfrentarme a ella, sentía culpa entre otras cosas y huía de mi casa hasta que se fuera. Poco a poco se me fui quitando el miedo, comencé a poner límites claros, incluso llegándole a decir que si deja de hacer lo que está haciendo podría intentar tener algún tipo de contacto, pero evidentemente ella no quiere una relación conmigo si no quiere seguir abusando de mí a a nivel emocional y controlando.

Ha llegado a comprarse una autocaravana y vivir en mi urbanización. Llamadas a mi puerta a altas noches, amenazas a mi pareja y a mi.
Sigue viniendo a mi casa y ha vuelto a instalarse con la autocaravana con mi padre en la ciudad en la que vivo. He tenido que dejar mi trabajo. Me fui varios meses de aquí. Pero tengo mi casa y mi vida aquí, y es un sitio que me encanta.Estoy con terapia, EMDR.

Ya hay dos denuncia contra ella por acoso. He tenido que instalar una cámara y alarma en mi casa para poder documentar lo que está pasando para pensar el tomar medidas legales. Pero la verdad tengo poca fe en la justicia.

La verdad que no sé si puedo vivir así y si con la ayuda de terapia puedo hacer que me afecte lo menos posible.
Quería saber si alguien está en la misma situación.

How long do they last, and how do I make them stop?

basically the title. i keep mentally berating myself for it because it seems like such a "my steak is too juicy and my lobster is too buttery" kind of problem to have in today's world, but now that i've set hard boundaries with my entire family (yes, even my father whom i never imagined i would need out of my life) and while it's been immensely freeing, the bad days feel much more "empty."

i no longer have a "reason" to feel like shit on the days that i do. i have a job that pays the bills for the first time in my life, a place of my own, and a cat that i adore. i've been feeling bummed for no reason all morning and my brain keeps scrambling to try and find "reasons" to validate my sadness. i've had a few panic attacks too. i think my brain is really, really struggling with the fact that i have indeed officially "made it out" of my bullshit situation as of this month.

i've been no contact with most of my immediate family for coming up on a decade, but i had been relying on my toxic father for financial support for some time. now that i can fully support myself, he's out of the picture in every way he's needed to be for about five years. but i couldn't cut him off until i was stable. which i now am.

it's truly awesome, but i didn't expect it to be hard. for those further along in their healing journey, how long did this phase last? what helped?

I’m looking to put together a reading list