Thank you so much, everyone, for keeping us in your duas. Alhamdulillah, Allah has blessed us with good news!

Honestly, I think I worried myself too much by reading things on social media. Every other post seemed to talk about complications, struggles, and things that could go wrong. I forgot that everyone’s journey is different and that Allah’s plan is always greater than our fears.

My tips for those who are trying:

1) Track your ovulation using LH strips.
2) Make the most of your fertile window, and after that, leave everything to Allah. Don’t stress too much or overthink things.
3) Make dua like a little child crying in front of their mother. Ask Allah for what you want with all your heart and never lose hope in Him.
4) Do lots of istighfar and try to make it a daily habit, even 5000 times a day if you can. In Surah Nuh (71:10–12), Allah Himself said if you do istigfar I will give you children and wealth.

May Allah bless everyone who’s trying with healthy, righteous children. Ameen 🤲❤️

I feel ‘big sad’ due to:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/isPBUpBZJN

How about you? May Allah give us all Aafiyah

Asalamualaikum

My wife and I are both in our early 20s and got married a few months ago. We’re both students and currently live separately because of university.

Our marriage was arranged through our families, although we both had the opportunity to agree or decline.

Initially, I thought everything was going well. We spent time together, were affectionate and seemed happy. However, when university restarted, she became increasingly distant and stopped initiating conversations as much.

After several difficult conversations, she finally opened up about what had actually happened.

She explained that she’d been uncertain about getting married from the beginning. She’s always struggled with saying no and disappointing people, and because both families were happy and arrangements were progressing, she felt increasingly unable to back out.

In the weeks leading up to the wedding, she became very anxious and didn’t want to go ahead. However, she felt it was too late to cancel and went through with it.

She doesn’t blame me personally and acknowledges that nobody intentionally forced her, but she regrets not saying no.

After getting married, she tried to convince herself she was happy. She was affectionate and acted normally because she genuinely wanted things to work. However, she now admits that she was often suppressing her actual feelings.

Over the last several weeks, she’s been experiencing persistent sadness, anxiety, emotional exhaustion and a loss of enjoyment in things. She feels particularly bad when she’s alone because she starts thinking about the marriage. When she’s busy, she can temporarily distract herself.

We’ve now had two very long and honest conversations about everything.

She says I’m a good person, that I haven’t done anything wrong, and that she probably would’ve felt similarly if she’d married somebody else under the same circumstances.

However, she’s also told me some difficult things. She doesn’t genuinely enjoy much of our time together at the moment, and when we’re together, she often suppresses thoughts about wanting to separate. Some of her affection has been motivated by guilt or wanting to make me happy rather than genuinely wanting to be affectionate.

She also doesn’t particularly feel the desire to spend more time with me and can’t identify anything specific about our relationship that could change to make her happier. When she imagines separation, she feels relieved because she thinks the distressing thoughts would finally stop.

We’ve explored whether she’s worried about marital expectations, religion, responsibilities or losing independence, but she says none of those things are the main issue.

She seems unhappy with the marriage itself, although she can’t fully explain why. She’s now leaning strongly towards separation, but she hasn’t made a final decision.

She says she wishes she could be happy in the marriage, but struggles to imagine her feelings changing. A lot of her motivation to keep trying seems to come from not wanting to hurt me or disappoint our families.

She has expressed willingness to try counselling, and I’ve made it clear that she’s free to make whatever decision she genuinely wants.

I love her deeply and would like to give our marriage a chance, but I also don’t want her to feel trapped or pressured into staying. I’m also concerned about her mental health because she’s been persistently low and emotionally exhausted.

I guess I’m wondering whether anyone has experienced something similar, where one partner regretted getting married but their feelings eventually changed.

Like a few questions I thought i’d ask:

Is counselling worth trying in this situation, or would it just prolong something she already knows she doesn’t want?

How do I distinguish between someone struggling emotionally because of how the marriage began and someone who genuinely doesn’t want the relationship?

And at what point do I accept that separation may be the best outcome, even though neither of us has done anything particularly wrong?

I’d especially appreciate advice from people who’ve experienced something similar, whether their marriage worked out or not.

JazakallahKhairan to everyone (AI was used to help write it however al experiences are my own)

Hello all. Looking for some advice from preferably males just to understand the male POV on this, but female advice is always welcome too of course! Two years ago, I discovered that my husband’s ex (from 15 years ago) has messaged my husband on Instagram. I did not see what was in the messages because my husband had deleted the messages. This ex is married and has a child. My husband claims that the messages did not cross any lines and it was simply just from her side a “how are you guys I heard you got a baby congrats” etc. He said he had accepted her follow request a few months prior and had only had a conversation twice, some time right after the follow and the other time is right before I saw her in the “recent” people list on his phone. Of course my reaction was not pretty, as my argument was basically “why would you accept her request in the first place and reply to her message” “why would you delete the message if there was nothing bad in it” etc. He was deeply sorry, felt awful and even swore on the Quran that there was nothing bad. I told him, as a married Muslim woman I would never ever reach out to a man, let alone a married man a decade later to see how he’s doing. He claims it was not even a serious relationship that it was only a 1 month thing and didn’t work out anyway due to his parents finding out and that each one went their separate ways. My husbands relationship and I goes way back and was based on love and being together for several years, so it was not an arranged marriage or anything. Back to the fight, it took me so long to get over it as I never got to see the messages so I was never at peace, i even re-opened the subject a year later because of how much it affected me. I always had the thought what if he’s lying to me not to lose me? What was actually in the messages? And what was her intention? If he cared about me, wouldnt he have ignored her request? He said he deleted it because he didn’t want something pointless that could hurt me lingering around even if it had no meaning. Anyway now it’s been two years, and every time I hear something that triggers me in a movie or something, I feel like I can’t trust him and I always wonder what on earth she actually wanted from him? Other than that we have a good and intimate relationship and he does care about my feelings in general. But I just can’t get over how he opened a door for her if he is happily married and doesn’t want any problems.

So from a male POV, could he have been lying? Or if he was lying, he wouldn’t have cared about my feelings? Do I have the right to still be upset even if I don’t share this with him? Or is this excessive and I am overthinking this? Do I need therapy to get over this? I’m tired of hiding that I’m feeling down and crying randomly.

My (26F) parents who are both in their 50s are recently divorced. They had a myriad of issues but the final nail in the coffin was my father seeing another woman.

My father moved out of the house a couple of months ago. The issue is, that the lease does not end for about another 7 months.

My mother told me that he said he will only pay one more month of the rent, and after that he will not be sending any more money. He claims he is not doing well financially.

She wants me to speak to him and ask him to continue to pay. I am extremely uncomfortable getting involved. I am not sure how to go about this.

If I could I would just help my mom pay her rent but I do not live with her, and I’m not working as I am freshly postpartum.

My younger sister (18F) still lives with my mother. Isn’t it his responsibility Islamically to still provide housing for her?

I really don’t want to confront my father about this. I expressed this to my mother but she does not want to speak to him.

What would you do in this situation?

Context: He married one woman but did not consummate the marriage. After four months, he married another woman with whom he had been in a relationship for over a year. When his wife became pregnant, she demanded he leave the other woman or she would leave him. He refused, and his wife left.

Hello, I hope you are doing well.
I recently met this girl that I kinda like and I wanted to know what is the appropriate way to approach her religiously.
Weve been talking on insta but haven’t really met yet for a ´coffee or date’. I’m a bit hesitant because dating (if im not wrong) is not the right way to do it.
I also want to know what I should know and ask about her beliefs as I’m religious. I’m not perfect but I’m trying to do my best.
So i just wanna know from those who have gone through this, what I should ask and know about her religious side and if you could give me some tips.
Thank you for your help in advance. God bless 🙏.

Does islam talk about consent at every stage of marriage prospect? Like also at the beginning when you have to invite the boys family for initial screening or just the very end to just say yes or no?

In our pakistani culture parents often invite the families even when their daughters aren’t allowing it and say that ‘we aren’t marrying you right away let them at least come’. And then the only consent they accept even if reluctantly is the final yes or no from their daughters. Which i think is such a waste of time and energy like after the initial screening of visiting both homes and putting efforts in investigation and all your daughter ends up saying NO then whats the point of all? Why dont simply listen to her in the very first point?

I don’t dislike him in fact he’s a nice and friendly and genuine guy.

However last time we hosted him at our place a year ago I was about to lead the prayer he put me aside and said I’ll lead. This has stuck with me ever since. This made me think he values authority and leadership above all else and wants to be the most important guy in the room (which I was previously told by my wife and this just proved the point)

Now he was a traveller while I was a resident so that could be why as he wanted to shorten his prayers but still if we’re praying together you pray behind the person who is hosting you. Now he has studied Islam and does have this role of a “shaykh” but that does not give him authority to lead in my own home. He could have suggested to me if he should lead so he can shorten his prayer but doing it without asking and putting me aside… yeah nah that that’s ultimate disrespect.btw there’s genuine fiqh to back this up im not speaking out of thin air.

Besides this I’ve always had pleasant experiences with him whenever we’ve visited him although I’ve never wanted to but have had to go along because of my wife. Now I did have my reservations about praying behind him after that too but I genuinely said to myself no it’s his house there’s no need to let that get into your head. However since then I’m absolutely unsure about hosting him. If I say I don’t want to host him however then my wife would create a bigger drama and call me controlling etc…so not sure how to approach this

Also the bigger problem is with my wife I feel like I don’t get a day where I get to build a genuine connection with her before she shoves a family member in our relationship one way or another. Inviting someone. Oversharing over the phone. Being on the phone too much while kid is crying etc. it’s honestly sad that she doesn’t have another hobby but to call her family for hours on end despite the amount of disrespect her parents have shown her.

Sometimes I’ve genuinely thought about divorce because idk how much interaction I can handle with her family. It always feels like there’s more people in our marriage than just us. Having a son together however and not wanting to lose him is what stops me from it. I knew this behaviour before we had a kid but I brushed it aside as without a kid we had plenty of time together. Now with a kid we get limited quality time and then she uses that to scroll social media or call family. I’m left feeling neglected most days and it’s become a pattern ever since I became a stay at home dad(over the last few months). This is for genuine reasons(she’s a doctor and I get long parental leave) and is a short term plan Insha Allah

I’ve talked about going to therapy with her but she says she doesn’t need it and I’m the problem so I should get therapy for myself if I have to.

I'm not even married but you know down the line things change a lot after getting married and having kids. Babies are cute. May Allah bless them but they need 24/7 observations, yeah. Without outside help it gets difficult right. They cry and their sleep schedule is crazy. How did you guys handle it? Especially working people on shift duties. I heard nowadays you can only live on double income. Housing crisis and all that.

Salam to all..i have a really weird or straightforward question , depending on how u look at it.
Im married to my partner ( a Christian) since 3 years.
We have two daughters Ma sha Allah. But the problem is since Ive been with her, she never says sorry or apologize for her part in any problem over the 6 years.
To an extent where when i was with her, she chose to go with another guy who wantrd to be with her, she blamed me for it, even when i literally begged her not to do so. But i loved her so much that i just prayed that she would stop eventually, but ended up being blamed for it
Anyway fast forward, my mother in law has been taking care of our kids to help us as we both are working professionals, but the problem is that now they have teamed up to an extent where i have been physically abused, thrown out of my own house, locked out at 2 am because she said her anger wss too much for her to see me. And i end up forgiving her because i dont want our kids to have a broken family
Recently, my mother visited while my mother in law went home to Philippines, my mother had an issue with thr CCTV being installed as she claimed she wanted it for the kids, thing is this was never an issue for her because my mother ws okay with it, until one day she had an argument with me and i was asking hrr to come home and i was angry that she left especially knowing our 2 month baby is feeding, she did this every week on my off days for 3 weeks . My mother was disturbed as there was no privacy even in a house which I pay the rent for.
Now when they went back home, she has been fighting with me snd threatens me with divorce evry time her needs are not met, like she is asking me to not video call my parents n show the kids even if she is not home as it inflicts her with trauma and that she doesn’t care how it sounds but j need to do it and if i dont she will leave.
Im so disturbed by this behavior, she keeps abusing and saying words like ‘ be with your mother’ and belittling me, also when i fight or argue she will put up picture in bikini and says that im the one who trigger her
Recently, inlost my job due to an internal conflict what left me disturbed is she told my mother that she hopes i will get jailed and suffer, to add to all of this, she cant control her anger and blames me for it that i dont know how to handle it, im really lost as i love her immensly but this is like she keeps sayijng stuff about my family like u will suffer snd die and this has been traumatising me , i just wanted some insight , because i cannot go to anyone to discuss this issue as well as indont wana come across as weak
Please can anyone help as to if this is right even if i know the answer from a general point of view
Please help me

Assalamu alaikum, everyone.

I talked to a girl for about a month with the intention of marriage, and I made my intentions clear from the beginning. During those weeks, most of our conversations were about getting to know each other, but honestly, I was doing about 90% of the talking, especially over text.

After a couple of weeks, I sent her flowers as a gesture to show that I liked her so far. She then told her family, and since we have a mutual relative, that relative informed my mother that they were expecting an official visit from my family. Things became serious pretty quickly.

I liked her a lot, even though she was very reserved. At the time, I thought she was simply shy and that she would open up as we got to know each other better. She was so reserved that I felt the only way to truly get to know her on a deeper level was to move forward with the engagement. Looking back, I realize that might not have been the best decision, but at the time, I genuinely believed things would improve as our relationship developed.

I traveled overseas to my home country so we could meet in person, and everything seemed to go well. We got engaged, and I was genuinely happy about it.

However, about a month into the engagement, I started having doubts. She is honestly one of the nicest people I know, and I respect her a lot. She has many good qualities, but I feel like something important is missing between us: passion and emotional connection.

I’m someone who values passion in a person. Passion for love, for people, for life, and for building a meaningful relationship. I want a spouse who expresses affection, shows excitement about being with me, and makes me feel that the connection goes both ways.

She is still very reserved, even after the engagement. When I express my feelings, she sometimes brushes them off or simply responds with “me too.” I’m not saying this to blame her. People express love differently, and she might genuinely care about me in her own way. But I struggle to feel that affection from her.

After about two months, I started feeling increasingly distant from her. We talk for about an hour every day, but most of our conversations revolve around how our days went and other ordinary things. I don’t feel like we’re developing a deeper emotional connection. Eventually, I stopped expressing how much I liked her because I wasn’t feeling that connection being reciprocated.

Now, some of the concerns I had during the talking stage, which I overlooked at the time, are starting to come back. I think I was caught up in the excitement and emotions of the moment. I liked her so much that I might have ignored some important things I was looking for in a spouse.

I genuinely wanted this to work. I never went into this with the intention of playing with someone’s feelings. I traveled across the world to meet her, involved our families, and got engaged because I believed there was potential for a good marriage.

But now I’m stuck between two difficult choices.

In my culture, breaking an engagement is a big deal. It can hurt the girl, both families, and me. I’m especially worried about how much I could hurt her because I know she’s a good person and I have no reason to disrespect her or make her feel like she’s not good enough.

At the same time, I don’t want to proceed with marriage while feeling this way. I’m afraid that if I already feel disconnected during the engagement, things could become even worse after marriage. I don’t want to marry someone hoping that I can change her personality or that she’ll eventually become the kind of partner I need.

Part of me wonders whether this is simply a difficult stage of a relationship and whether I should stop focusing so much on my emotions and honor the commitment I’ve made. After all, marriage isn’t going to feel exciting every single day.

But another part of me feels that emotional connection, affection, and compatibility are important things to consider before marriage, and that I shouldn’t ignore my concerns just because ending the engagement would be painful.

I’m not looking for someone to blame. She deserves someone who appreciates her for who she is, and I deserve to be honest with myself about what I need in a marriage. I just don’t know whether I’m having normal doubts and letting my emotions get the best of me, or whether I’m recognizing a genuine incompatibility that I should take seriously.

For those of you who have been through something similar, especially those who come from cultures where breaking an engagement carries significant social and family consequences:

What would you advise me to do? Have you ever experienced this kind of doubt during an engagement? Did things improve after marriage, or did the issues become more apparent?