I lurk on here a lot because its comforting to hear stories of others in LDRs❤️

So I thought I would share with you all that Im engaged to my (extremely)long distance partner!

He proposed while I was visiting him in China, we went out for supper and to KTV, and afterwards he proposed with chocolates, roses, and a gold ring!

Im back in Canada now, I have never cried so much in my life as I did leaving him at the airport - long distance is extremely hard, but Im so happy I found such a good and kind man to spend the rest of my life with so ultimately it is worth it🥰

We are so happy to be closing the gap soon and planning our future together! And I thought my happy story might give hope to some of you like the happy stories Ive read on here have given me hope

We were together for 7 months. I (F24) was on night shift and he (M25) was in between jobs at that time, so he had a lot more free time than me. He had to adjust to my schedule because I was only awake from like 7PM to 10AM, plus I was 2 and a half hours ahead of him.

I remember one day on my way home from work, I was listening to "purple" by Olivia Rodrigo and I was just so happy. I was literally thinking how lucky I was to have him, how happy I was with how my life turned out despite all the shit I've been through.

Then I got home and I don't know what came over me, I just decided to check his Instagram. We didn't have each other's passwords or anything because we trusted each other, but I could see his followers so I looked. I guess my gut was telling me to.

There was this one girl, she wasn't the same race as him so I knew he didn't just know her from around there. We met on a dating app so my first thought was he probably met her on one too. And I actually knew almost everyone he followed because he'd introduced them to me on video call before, but this girl was foreign like me, so I had a feeling.

So I called him and asked him what was going on. He admitted that a while back, when we had a fight and weren't talking, he got curious and downloaded a dating app again. He met her there and they exchanged Instagrams. They talked for a bit but he said he stopped because he realized he only loved me and he couldn't be with anyone else if it wasn't me. So he stopped talking to her but they still followed each other.

That's when everything clicked. He never used to post those gym flexing pics, but suddenly he did. He changed almost everything on his Instagram. At the time I thought maybe he was trying to impress someone but I brushed it off because I thought he'd never do that to me.

I used to actually picture having a kid with him. He made me want to be a mom, which is big for me because I'm the eldest daughter so I already know how exhausting it is to raise kids like they're your own. But after he told me everything, something just switched off in me. Like everything I imagined for us just disappeared. I didn't even want to get married anymore.

Finding out the truth was kind of a relief in a way, but it still hurts like hell. He was there for me when my dad died this year. I really thought he was the one person who wouldn't break my heart, especially after everything I've been through.

I'm happy now though. In a way I think part of me was expecting it, because I know I wouldn't settle for someone who does that. It's just embarrassing, you know? He had a girlfriend and still went behind her back to do shady shit like that.

Thank you for listening/reading :)

Am I asking for to much?

So we dated 3 yrs ago, back then I was not ready and we went our own way. Then this guy reappears 2 weeks ago, he lives 2hrs away and is a busy ER RN, but has time to be active on social media and on snap chat.. I think I already am answering my question but I wonder if this was an ok way of doing it lol

We met on the teenagers subreddit over 3.5 years ago and started our long distance relationship soon after, my HUSBAND 💗 visited me first in Australia early 2024 then again late 2024, again early 2025 and then I saved up and took my whole family to texas in late 2025 and early 2026 we went again and brought him home <333 we had our beautiful wedding on the 10/10/2026 (I made the date 10/10 as Americans put the month first then the day whereas in aus we do it the opposite way so 10/10/26 was easy for both families lol!

Long distance isn’t for the weak but he made it easy, we both always put in 111% effort and time, the only days we didn’t call were the days we were travelling to each-other, ever since our first message to each other we never stopped talking. He is my everything and I am so forever blessed to have him here with me throughout our happy lives together. 💗💍

Today my aunt told me “you need to get a real boyfriend” and I was just like 😭 what do you mean, I literally have one??
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years, but I feel like people never take our relationship seriously because we’re young and long distance. I try not to care about what people say, but hearing these comments all the time makes me overthink sometimes. I just wish people would understand that my relationship is just as real as anyone else s

So the day started we were texting earlier talking about how I often feel guilt because of my family, and my sister talked to me in a negative way today and it made me feel down. Later we video called and the call was quite awkward I could see she’s tired and not really in a good mood to talk, this is the awkward part, we usually do kisses on camera before hanging out the call. So we were towards the end and I asked her for kisses, she said “Why”, and it kinda annoyed me somehow because I love her and I wanna kiss her there’s no particular other reason. So I said good night to her and hang out pretty quickly which I did wrong because it did seems like I hang off from her end and it’s usually her ending the video call every time we call. And then what happened is the text, am I making too big of a deal out of this. Would appreciate any insights from third person perceptive.

Currently, we are long distance just a few states away because of college (F18 & M18, we have been dating since jr year of high school), but I am really considering studying abroad and he told me that he’d be upset and doesn’t think that we would work if I did. But studying abroad has been a dream of mine for so long and he knows that. But at the same time I don’t want to lose him. Advice?

Basic info: I’m 27F, he’s 30M. We met on Tinder in my country. He’s a foreigner who visits during the summer because he has businesses here. He told me he’d been single for 3 years.

The situation:

Our first date was the best I’d ever had. He’s very tall, wealthy, and extremely attractive to me. He was very masculine and vocal about his attraction to me. I hadn’t felt that kind of attraction since my ex of 3 years.

Our second date was even better. The chemistry was incredible, and we slept together. It was affectionate and passionate, with lots of hugging, holding hands, and looking into each other’s eyes. I hadn’t experienced that kind of connection in years.

Before returning to his country, he came to see me one more time. Once he left, he messaged me every day for a month: voice notes, video messages, good morning and goodnight texts, calling me “my love” and telling me he missed me. He was consistent throughout.

He also talked about our hypothetical future, including marriage, me visiting his country, staying for weeks, and him taking me to different places.

Then he followed through on his promise to visit me. He drove 6 hours in the middle of the night to see me, and the day before, he sent his brother to deliver flowers.

We spent several days together, going out and even going to the gym. At one point, he suggested staying at one of his seaside apartments but first asked if I minded stopping by his uncle’s house to drop off medication. I agreed, and he introduced me to his uncle and other family members. We sat at the family table for FOUR HOURS.

When he left, I said goodbye, but he told me not to say goodbye because we’d see each other again soon, either he would return or I would visit him.

However, I’d heard Tinder notifications on his phone while we were together. After he left, I noticed he had unmatched me or possibly deleted his profile.

His communication then changed almost overnight. He’d send a good morning message and disappear for hours or days, saying he was sick. Eventually, I explained that the lack of communication made me feel disconnected. He video-called immediately, admitted I was right, and joked that I was funny when angry.

Two days later, he said he was feeling better. I replied warmly and told him about my day, but he never responded. He stopped sending goodnight messages, too. I eventually video-called him, but for the first time, he didn’t answer, call back, or acknowledge it.

I then bought Tinder Premium, hid my profile so only people I liked could see me, and changed my location to his city. I saw that he was active.

I sent him a final message addressing the Tinder situation and his sudden change in behavior. I told him I would have preferred honesty over the affection, future talk, and subsequent silence. He never replied.

I know we were never officially exclusive, so I’m not expecting him to have owed me commitment. What I’m struggling with is how dramatically his behavior changed after a visit that seemed so meaningful.

I’d appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar. How would you interpret this kind of sudden withdrawal after such an intense connection? If he contacts me again, what would be a sensible way to respond without getting pulled back into the same situation? Would you require a direct explanation and a clear conversation about intentions before considering seeing him again?

TL;DR: I (27F) met a 30M on Tinder. He messaged me affectionately every day for a month, drove 6 hours to visit me, sent flowers through his brother, introduced me to his family, and talked about marriage and future visits. After leaving, he became distant, stopped responding, and was active on Tinder. I confronted him about the change in behavior, but he ghosted me. I want advice on how to interpret this and what boundaries to set if he returns.

Hi everyone! I (25F) could really use some advice, especially from people who have been in long-distance relationships.

So, about two weeks I met this guy online. We have so many things in common, our conversations feel incredibly natural, and there’s definitely mutual attraction.

And honestly? He’s probably one of the sweetest guys I’ve ever met. He’s respectful, patient, thoughtful, and just genuinely lovely to talk to. I don’t even know how to explain it, but there’s something really comforting about him.

Here’s where things get a little complicated.
Around day 10 of talking, he told me he wanted us to be a couple. He brought up exclusivity, being in an actual relationship, and eventually making plans to meet in person.
And I guess that’s where my brain started going a million miles an hour lol.

Here’s something important about me: I’ve never been in a relationship. Ever.lmaooo😭🥺

Not in person, not online, not even anything remotely close to one. I have absolutely zero romantic relationship experience, so I’m basically navigating all of this for the first time at 25. (Plus, 9 hour difference).

And while I genuinely like him, I also feel a little overwhelmed by how quickly things are moving.
The thing is, I come from a background where I’ve witnessed and experienced a lot of violence and unhealthy dynamics. So having someone treat me with this much kindness, patience, and respect feels almost unfamiliar in the best possible way.

For once, I’m getting to know someone who doesn’t make me anxious. I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I don’t feel pressured to be someone I’m not. I actually feel calm, safe, and happy when we talk.

And that means a lot to me.
But I also don’t want to confuse feeling comfortable and being treated well with being ready for an actual relationship.

I think I’m at a point in my life where I’m finally allowing myself to ask what I want romantically, instead of just assuming relationships aren’t something that will happen to me.

And the truth is, I don’t know yet.
I like him. I really do. I’m excited about getting to know him, and I’m not against the idea of a long-distance relationship at all. I’m actually pretty comfortable with that possibility.

But I also feel like two weeks is such a short amount of time to make a decision about something I’ve never experienced before.
I don’t want to rush into something just because it feels nice, but I also don’t want to sabotage a potentially beautiful connection simply because it’s unfamiliar to me.

So I guess my questions are:
For those of you who have been in long-distance relationships, how long did you talk before deciding to become exclusive or officially dating?

How did you know you genuinely wanted a relationship with that person, rather than just enjoying the attention, affection, and connection?
Is it normal to feel happy and comfortable with someone but still not know whether you’re ready to call them your boyfriend?

How do you navigate the early stages of an LDR when you haven’t even met in person yet?
I’m not necessarily looking for someone to tell me whether two weeks is too soon or not. I know every relationship is different.

I think I’m just trying to understand what a healthy pace looks like, especially when everything is so new to me.

I really want to give myself the opportunity to experience love and connection, but I also want to make sure I’m making decisions because I genuinely want them, not because I’m afraid of missing out on something good.

Would love to hear your experiences, especially if your first relationship was long-distance. 🤍
Thanks for reading my little emotional ramble lol.

I live in Thailand but I’m German and Russian. My bf has a lot of money saved up, but he hasn‘t spent it on me or on himself.

We met for the first time in summer, and since I work and he doesn’t, my expenses ended up being higher than his, I don‘t mind that. He paid for a one way flight, around 80% of our food and activities, he also used money he had saved up from his birthdays. I paid for our Airbnb, which alone was 1.2k, my flight back, gifts. I also mostly paid for my own transport, although he paid sometimes too. (I had big emergency costs at the airport too which was my fault and I still came)

I work and he goes to uni. He has plenty of time to work but chooses not to. I make good money myself, but I don’t really tell people how much I make.

I met his parents and his whole family during the trip, and I thought his mom would stop with the accusations after meeting me, but NO. I hear from him AGAIN that she still thinks I’m using him for his money.

What money??? 😭 I paid for a huge chunk myself. I DO expect him to pay for some things, though, because in Russia, where I‘m from, it’s very weird for a man to let his woman pay, and my parents wouldn’t accept that either.

I just find it so rude that his parents keep thinking this about me because of his savings when I’ve literally paid for so much myself. Am I wrong for being offended by this? What would y’all do?

Its stupid, im crying like crazy but I will see him in 3-4 months, and we are planning to live together next year which wont be much time at all but I cant stop crying. Why does it hurt even when the gap is closing, it should be exciting that were getting so close to our goal you know?

P.s if the two individuals that saw me and approached me at Paddington station read this i actually do appreciate you both checking on me like genuinely it was so sweet thank you both 🫶

Because I sure wish I could with mine after this 😩

I’m secure attached now but I used to be anxiously attached, reassurance without asking is like a little treasure chest. Before this she told me she wished I could get on a plane tonight and she was wanting to get a dog to keep her company since she was lonely. We had a little conversation about it so I think we’re both feeling a little better. But 14 months is a long time to go before meeting the girl you’re dating, just 4 more to go…whew.

So how long has everyone been gone from a partner? How long did it take to meet the first time? If you want to share a story about your meeting, or even the second one, I love reading haha!

My long distance boyfriend comes to town usually every few weeks but ends up spending 75% of his time with his family not me. Am I wrong to want more time?

Me and my gf both have iphones and we usually use shareplay on facetime to watch shows. The problem is if we wanna watch anything but youtube it doesnt work half the time, and it definitely doesnt work if we want to airplay it to a tv. I know theres been posts about this already and many people recommend discord. However, neither of us want to be sitting at our desk to watch shows and would prefer something on ios so we can lay in bed or sit on the couch. If it can airplay to a tv without messing up thats a bonus. If anyone has any recommendations it would be appreciated!

A bit of background on my relationship: my (26f) and my bf (26m) have been together for two years, all of it has been ldr. We met while I was interning in his country, and started dating after I returned to my home country (USA). I’ve been back to see him three times now since we are literally oceans apart (15-16 hours time difference). We are the same ethnicity. My parents immigrated to America and I was born in the states, but I spent some of my most formative (and happiest) years there with my grandparents and extended family. I kinda met my parents when I was 5 and moved to the states to live with them. Therefore I have a strong attachment to his home country, and I really enjoy it there. I also like my life here in the states, and for the most part can see the good and bad in both countries

Some background on me in hopes of giving my parents side some justification(?)/understanding: I have a bachelors and masters degree from an ivy level school in engineering, and I’m working in a large company with a pretty good income. I think I’m doing well for myself, but I’m also very frugal by nurture. My parents are very proud of me and have always usually supported and respected my decisions. I’ve never really fought with them, except for a period of time during Covid with my mom. Even then it wasn’t much of a fight I was just really upset and didn’t speak with her for a long time. I’ve always been a “good” child, my sister not so much. I feel like I was always trying to compensate for her behavior.

I would say I had a bit of a traumatic childhood. I was bullied a lot by my sister and can remember multiple times when I was physically abused. Most of the time it was just a terrible mental and emotional load dealing with someone as temperamental and sensitive as her. This is me trying to be nice and fair. We no longer have a relationship, but that’s a different story. I grew up needing to be attuned to everyone moods and schedules so I could predict what would happen that day. My parents were never home bc they worked so much and even when they were home, my mom and sister were always fighting and my dad was so checked out from everything. When I was younger like pre middle school it was always just me and her alone at home. I was always stuck in between my mom and sister, and had to regulate myself so as to not show my own anger or frustrations. My parents would also sometimes take their anger from my sister out on me and I never even resented them until all this came up and I started reflecting on my childhood as an adult. I think mostly I was very scared as a kid. I’ve only started processing and admitting some of these things to myself recently, and have found a lot of anger and resentment within myself because of how wronged I feel. My parents knew of me being bullied, yet they never did anything. Anyway all this to say, I think I have a bad habit or conditioned mentality to not upset people. I also have a decent amount of pride in being a good daughter because I lowkey feel like I had a huge burden of being a messenger pigeon and mediator growing up.

Moving onto the main point, when my parents found out I was dating him, they were shocked and kinda apprehensive but didn’t say much. I was pursuing my masters at the time and basically visited him that winter and spent the whole summer after that with him while working part time remote. Before I left for the summer, I was nervous telling them but I had to. My mom was upset and started telling me about how different and incompatible we are. Basically her points are: we come from different cultures bc I was raised in America, his nationality is a problem and he can’t even get a visa to visit me, he might use me for a green card, he won’t be able to support me financially bc his English isn’t too good, and I will suffer for the rest of my life like how they did when they came to America. She said are you gonna support him for the rest of your life? She wants him to be able to come to the states through his own ability and then find a job here that is probably white collar. My dad didn’t say much at the time, he just said if you wanna see how life is with him then go, but it’s not a good idea. Basically warning me, but I felt like he wasn’t unreasonable.

Ok now my bf is doing very well for himself in his country, he is not any lesser than me. He also has a bachelors and master in engineering, and is also at a huge company making a good amount of money and living in one of the largest cities in that country. My parent have never even met him. They barely ask anything about him, and I never talk about him bc I’m always scared it’ll devolve into my mom saying we’re incompatible and whatever. It tends to happen. He doesn’t come from much, but I don’t either? Our only difference is our nationality and the country we grew up in. Now it’s practically impossible for him to come here with his own means especially to work. We all know how the political environment of America is currently. I originally also wanted him to be able to get here by himself but I’m realizing how impossible that is unless there a change in administration and immigration laws + also probably economic stuff.

So after my summer with him I went back to finish my master and then decided to go see him a again in the winter bc I was starting full time work soon and didn’t know when I could go back again. At this point I was terribly anxious at the thought of telling my parents. I had also been sharing my location with them at the time out of good faith. When I called them to tell them I’d be going to see him for break, they absolutely flipped out. My mom was basically saying are you serious? When are you going to grow up and be realistic. I honestly don’t remember much else. My dad’s reaction however was something I completely didn’t expect. He started yelling and went ballistic. Like this man does not talk. I can’t emphasize how little he speaks, how out of my life he is. Like he just exists next to my mom. We don’t text or have conversations, I’ve mostly been mentioning my mom, because this man literally does.not.speak. I can’t even hold a conversation with him and atp I don’t want to. Also neither of my parents speak English well. We communicate in their mother tongue, which is also how I communicate with my bf. Anyway the part that got me was when he said, “Do you think the only person he needs to get along with is you? He also needs to get along with us. You can disown us and go be with him then.” I’m translating the most literal I can, but it was horrible to hear. After that I just couldn’t deal with it and hung up on them and started crying for so long. He also said a lot of other things that I felt like he was projecting onto my bf. He said your bf is never gonna learn English well enough and you’ll have to babysit and basically do everything for him like how you do for me (my dad), bf my dad literally relies on my mom for everything like he would not be able to live in America without her. He knows close to no English. I genuinely do not know what this man thinks about all day. He also mentioned how my bf will not be accustomed to the culture here and eventually grow to resent me bc he won’t be living as good of a life here as he would be back in his home country. Mostly, he would be able to get as good of a job here. But the thing about disowning got me the most because of how they treat my sister. They barely talk to her, bc my mom and my sister now cannot even have a civil conversation with one another. My sister got arrested a few years ago, and my parents didn’t even make a big fuss about it. Girl committed a crime and the response I got was what can we do, and we’re worried but it’s no worth freaking out about. Maybe this experience will teach her and give her some consequences. Wtf? They said they talked to her when they picked her up after she got out, and apparently my dad said a whole bunch. Whatever, but the main point is, I asked them once why they never give her any consequences or hold her accountable. My mom said what can we even do. My dad basically said we’d rather her go to jail than disown her. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but that was the gist. So I was basically shell shocked and really hurt when he said that to me. Also it wasn’t even said like he’d disown me, it was putting me in that position that kinda made me feel like I’d be the bad person throwing away my family for some stupid boy. So after this I didn’t talk to them for a really long time, and also barely answered their texts. My dad literally never texts me but he started texting me once in a while and when I didn’t respond, eventually he said you can’t treat your parents like this, blah blah something about filial piety or blood runs thicker than water idk I don’t think about it. After that my mom did send a lot of heartfelt messages and I felt like I could forgive her. My dad not so much. I just answered his last message and everything got swept under the rug. Anyways it’s been almost a year since this blowout and occasionally I’ll talk to my mom and think that she come around to it. Then a few days ago she mentioned again out of the blue that we were incompatible and that I had to be realistic. This was also while I was sick and feeling terrible. Not sure why but that really triggered me and I just couldn’t talk to her anymore. I debated calling her again and confronting her after bc I was so frustrated and annoyed, but she fell asleep, and I eventually felt better after sleeping.

I think my main issue right now is that this situation with my parents really affects my mood sometimes and then it sometimes affects how I view the future of my relationship. Part of me thinks I’m overreacting and that either with time or exposure they’ll come around to it. I’m thinking maybe they do love me enough that they’ll understand letting me be free is better than thinking they know what’s best for me. The other part of me knows people don’t change, especially immigrant parents like them. So will I have to give up having a good relationship with them to have the chance at determining my own future. Sometimes I think I’ll have to prove to them that I can live well and be happy and financially “good” in their eyes for them to finally come around to accepting him, but by that time I’ll feel like it’ll be in ten years or so, and I won’t even need their support anymore. I get sad thinking that I always had to do the hardest things in my life alone and that their support always came when I didn’t need it anymore, with my sister and now with my relationship. In ten years when I don’t need their support anymore, why should I want a good relationship with them anymore? I feel like in the past few years I was finally starting to cultivate an adult/friend relationship with my mom, but now it’s been tainted. I’m not sure I can view them the same again, and when I get sad and reflective I keep thinking about how unfairly I’ve been treated in all of this. If it wasn’t this relationship that triggered this, I feel like something else would’ve, and I’m just sad sometimes that I have parents like this. Then I feel guilty, and then I’m constantly warring with myself and everyone else in my head. Even if I don’t end up with my current bf for whatever reason, I’ve already been affected by their attitudes towards this and me, and that won’t change, and I feel like I will always know they had a part in us not working out. Sometimes I feel like they owe me at least something from the stuff I had to suffer with during my childhood that they were bystanders to and the stuff they subjected me to growing up. Or if not then since they weren’t very involved in the trajectory of my life, to just keep being uninvolved and to not have such strong opinions on my life and say things that cross the line.

This is mostly just a rant and venting my frustrations out somewhere, but does anyone have any advice? What makes someone worth such a big sacrifice, and how do I detach myself from the need to be validated from getting the approval/support of people who I don’t actually need the approval or support of. Also another issue is that I actually like my career and want to continue it, but is giving it up or pivoting heavily to the same field in another country wise? Would it be enough if I save up a bunch of money, and how do I feel less anxious about blowing up my life if I don’t do something the “conventional” way. I know I’m doing fine and I know I’ll be fine wherever I go, but sometimes the negative feelings really do overwhelm me and I feel like I don’t have anything to grasp onto for hope. I’m still trying to figure out what I want in my life, do I just want money and to be ok with the possibility of being alone for the rest of my life, or do I choose love and a less financially wealthy life but with the possibility I would regret not progressing in my career and doing all the amazing career things my college classmates have already done. Do I want kids? And if so when would they fit into my life? Would I have to give up my career at least temporarily anyway if I have kids? Sigh, just a lot of thinking and no real answers. The thing about life as an adult is that there are no real answers just the outcomes of the decisions you made and your attitude towards them. I just want to be confident that my decisions aren’t stupid or leading me down a life of regret

tldr; my parents are lowkey classist, racist(not applicable here), and don’t believe my bf in a ldr is “compatible” with me even tho they’ve never met him. they honestly just have an issue with him not being american, not having much career/financial potential in usa due to his english, and me flying back and forth to see him all the time. this is shattering my view of them as parents and as people, and I don’t think my relationship with them will ever be the same. I know they want the best for me, but I’ve never made them disappointed with my choices or worried about my future, so I feel that I deserve their respect and support to freely pursue what I believe is best for my future

my partner (M27) and i (F27) met on a dating app around 6 years ago, when we were both 21. it was the middle of the covid lockdown, and we happened to be in the same state. what began as a conversation on a screen slowly became one of the most beautiful and certain things in my life.

soon after, i went back to college, halfway across the country, and our relationship became one built on distance, patience, and the kind of love that learns to exist in the spaces between two people. we could meet only once or twice a year, but somehow, the distance never felt like the hardest part. we loved each other so deeply that being apart never seemed to diminish what we had. through all these years, he has been my anchor, and i have been his.

our families know about us, and my parents adore him. and i understand why. he is, in so many ways, just the guy. gentle, calm, patient, and loving. the kind of person who makes you believe that love does not always have to be loud to be certain. for a long time, loving him felt effortless. it felt like home, even when home was thousands of miles away.

but the past year has been incredibly difficult for me. for reasons both personal and professional, my life has felt increasingly heavy. things at home have been far from peaceful, and my career has left me feeling lost, overwhelmed, and depressed on more days than i would like to admit. i have been struggling to find my footing, and somewhere along the way, i think i have started losing parts of myself.

he has had his own battles, too. work, studies, and the many commitments that come with being a doctor have kept him occupied. i understand that. i know he is trying to build his future, just as i am trying to build mine. i know that life is demanding of both of us, and i have never expected our relationship to exist in a world untouched by responsibilities.

but somewhere along the way, something changed.

something that once felt so natural has started to feel like something we have to maintain. conversations that once brought us closer now sometimes feel like obligations. the comfort of simply knowing we were there for each other has slowly been replaced by a loneliness i do not quite know how to explain.

on most days, i do not feel seen or heard. and perhaps that is what hurts the most, because this is the person who has known me through so many versions of myself. this is the person i have turned to through the hardest days, the person who has held so much of my heart for so many years. yet lately, i have found myself feeling incredibly alone, even within the relationship that once made the distance feel bearable.

he will soon be moving to another city for his residency, and perhaps fellowship after that. i, on the other hand, have a job where i am now. we had imagined that by this point in our lives, things would finally begin to fall into place. that his residency and my job would bring us to the same city, that after years of waiting and missing each other, we would finally get to experience the ordinary, beautiful things couples often take for granted.

we thought we would finally get to be together.

but that no longer seems likely. and i am beginning to realise that we may have another three or four years of distance ahead of us, perhaps even more.

i do not know how to make peace with that thought.

i also do not want the distance to end directly in marriage. it scares me. i want to know my partner in person too.

i am tired in ways that sleep does not seem to fix. some nights, i cry myself to sleep because all i want is to be held. i want him to sit beside me when my day has been terrible. i want to share a meal with him, to exist in the same room without having to schedule a call, to reach for his hand without a screen between us. i want the kind of intimacy that lives in the mundane, in the silences, in the little moments that do not seem significant until you realise how much of your life you have spent missing them.

i want to be able to have a difficult day and come home to him. i want to know what it feels like to be loved in the everyday, not just through words, calls, and the promise of a future that keeps getting pushed further away.

and i feel guilty for wanting these things so desperately, because i know how much i love him. i know how good he has been to me. i know that our relationship is not something i want to lose. but i am also beginning to understand that loving someone and being able to live with the circumstances of that love are two very different things.

i have tried to talk to him about how i feel, but somehow, those conversations never seem to lead anywhere. i do not know whether he does not understand the depth of what i am experiencing, whether he is too overwhelmed with his own life to make room for mine, or whether we have simply grown accustomed to a version of our relationship that no longer meets either of our needs. i do not want to assume the worst of him. i just know that i am hurting, and i do not know how to make him understand that this is beginning to feel unbearable.

outside of our relationship, i have been struggling, too. my friends are all back where i went to college, and here, i often feel like i have no one. i feel left out of the lives i once felt so deeply connected to. i miss having people around me, people i can call without planning, people who know me well enough to recognise when something is wrong. i think the loneliness in the rest of my life has made the loneliness in my relationship even harder to carry.

and now, i find myself at a point i never imagined i would reach.

i do not know if i have it in me to continue doing long distance. not because i have stopped loving him, and certainly not because i think what we have shared all these years means any less to me. but because i am tired of being strong about it. i am tired of telling myself that we can endure a little longer, that the next few years will pass, that eventually, we will get our turn. i have spent so much of my adult life loving him from afar, and i am beginning to wonder how much more of myself i can ask to sacrifice in the name of a future that is still so uncertain.

i do not want to hurt him. the thought of being the person who breaks his heart is devastating to me. he has been such an important part of my life, and the last thing i want is for him to feel that our years together were not enough, or that he was not enough. because he was. he is. this is not about a lack of love.

but i am scared that, in trying so hard not to hurt him, i might keep hurting myself.

i love him endlessly. i still see all the things that made me fall in love with him in the first place. i still know the goodness of his heart. but lately, i have felt him growing distant, and i have felt myself growing smaller. the girl who once felt so certain about everything is now struggling to recognise herself. i feel like i am slowly losing my spark, and i am frightened by how much of my life feels heavy these days.

sometimes, i wonder if love is supposed to feel this lonely. sometimes, i wonder if i am asking for too much by wanting my partner to be present in ways that distance makes so difficult. and sometimes, i wonder if love, no matter how deep and sincere, can really be enough when the life we want to build together keeps asking us to wait.

i do not want to give up on something beautiful simply because things have become hard. but i also do not want to hold on so tightly to what we once were that i fail to acknowledge what we are becoming.

i am here because i genuinely do not know what to do. i feel like i am somewhere in the middle of a tunnel, unable to see what lies ahead, and too exhausted to keep pretending that i am okay. i love my partner with all my heart, but for the first time in five years, i am beginning to question whether love alone can carry us through another few years of living separate lives.

i do not know if i need to fight harder for us, if i need to ask for more, if i need to accept that we are in a difficult season, or if i need to be honest with myself about the fact that i may no longer have the capacity for this kind of love from a distance.

all i know is that i miss him, i miss us, and i miss the person i used to be before everything started feeling so heavy.

i wish someone could help me find a little light in all of this. i wish i could understand what the right thing to do is, without feeling like whichever way i turn, i am going to lose something i love.

i just do not know how to keep loving him this way without losing myself in the process.

I’m just posting bc I’m getting nervous. I (28F) am going to take a trip to see someone (28M) I’ve known/been in touch with intermittently for about a year and a half, but we only established a romantic connection in the past 6-8 weeks or so. I’ve actually never traveled outside of the United States before just bc I didn’t ever have a super compelling reason to as well as flight anxiety tbh but now I’m gearing up to go in about 3 months. It’s like a 15 hour flight I’m shitting my pants lol.

We did start talking about marriage kind of early and I’m the one who brought it up first. I already liked the idea of commitment in general but I brought it up because I didn’t want to continue with no goals/ideal endpoint so I ripped off the bandaid fast. My friends are a bit concerned he is motivated to be with me primarily for immigration reasons but I feel that we have a genuine connection, I will see more over time I guess. It’s just easier if I go over there bc my passport is much stronger. But I really like him a lot, I’m super nervous.

My bf and i have been dating for nearly three months now and it's been an amazing experience but I always have such a visceral urge to touch him :(. Im such a physical touch orientated person and its pains me so much to not be able to touch him. Like im quiet and pretty awkward when it comes to social interactions and stuff and a lot of the time i make up for silence with physical contact and body language but I cant do that :(.

I wanna cuddle with him and hug him and see him in real life, not theough a stupid phone screen :(. There's a twelve hour time difference and it'd be so expensive for him to fly over and vice versa. I love him so much and i wanna express that by squeezing him and buting him and holding him and uuugggghhhh i miss him

So I (22F) recently got into a LDR with my friend from highschool (22M) who used to be my crush because we recently got in touch again through online discord sessions and gaming. We are both university students right now. He lives in Canada and I’m in Korea. Both no clue what we would be doing or what we would be doing or where we would be in the next few years. We are also majoring in different things so if we want to close the distance we would have to narrow our choices depending on location??

Also because we are both university students and broke af, it’s hard to visit each other often.

We have only been together for two weeks or so and I may be overthinking everything but I still wanted to know how everyone else dealt with job opportunities and also trying to close the distance at the same time.

We met on a matrimonial site and liked each other. We began sharing personal thoughts and stories about our lives, and we also met in person. Things were going well until finances became an issue. I'm not financially stable, and she earns twice as much as I do. Her father holds a senior government position, so she told me I needed to do something to meet her expectations before she could tell him about me.

I started focusing on work projects and external pitches, and things began to improve a little. But I became busy and couldn’t give her enough time. Sometimes she would argue with me about it, but she was always the one who called me and tried to resolve things. She stood by me, often told me I was a good person, and said she wanted to marry me.

For the past two weeks, she hasn’t been answering my calls and has been replying coldly. She said she was busy with work, but she was talking to someone else all the time. While I was working hard, she was dating someone else. Yesterday, she blocked me on Instagram and posted a profile picture of herself holding someone else’s hand.

My boyfriend (18 M) and I have been together for roughly a year. I’ve flown to see him once during my birthday and it was a truly cinematic experience pulled from a romance novel. Everything was simple, but it was him that made it special. There was never a dull moment in my mind and I relive that week every night when I’m alone.

The sideways comments began immediately from my siblings, saying that because he’s French and I can’t monitor him, he’s a cheater and isn’t worth it. I’ve moved to university recently and encountered the same issues. Friends grimace when I tell them, and one follows me around publicly with a loud, obnoxiously bad accent parroting him. She won’t stop, even after I’ve defended him and told her off. This escalated to her setting me up on a date with someone else, playing matchmaker because she has a vendetta against him FOR SOME REASON.

To learn the language for him (he’s learning English for me too), I’ve invested in tutors, study groups, and fairly decent apps. But the goldmine I thought I found was a French club. That fucking French club. Today, an older gentleman who usually joins us asked, "So, your friend, you said he’s French?” Now, my professor and I have built a decent rapport, and I’ve stated my relationship status out loud when asked or if it’s relevant to conversation (our topic for today was expressing our opinion on the recent protests. He enjoys pulling from real life events/topics, so my partner and his region of France comes up occasionally.). So, knowing this, I found it odd he minimized my relationship. I politely correct him, and he says, “Voilà” In response, I laugh and say that was the most positive reaction I’ve gotten, and he replies, "That wasn’t positive or negative.” With a deadpan expression. Afterwards, I asked another classmate why this might be happening, and she shrugged, saying it’s just an opinion while giggling. But frankly, I don’t find shit funny.

I’m African American attending a predominantly Hispanic university. I understand the prejudice, our history, and bias that comes with it. However, being on colonized land, speaking two colonial languages, and a variety of mixed race couples you see daily on campus… I expected more open mindedness. Especially, those in the French club, you’re learning the language of the people you judge. Some of these people who ridicule me are the same ones saying they’d “never date another Hispanic because that’s too much energy” (so, you won’t date within your race, but judge me for doing so…) I’m beyond confused and frustrated. Much of college is centered around dating and sex, I’ve been so taken aback by everyone’s comments that I’m wondering if I’m doing too much or overreacting.

What can I do? And how do I handle older people who give the same reactions? I want to have some tact, but I’ve reached a boiling point.

During the first few months of our relationship, she used to reply to my messages very quickly, sometimes within 30 seconds or a minute. When we were both free, we could spend a long time texting each other, and she would constantly bring up new topics to keep the conversation going. She also used to send me lots of Instagram Reels and TikToks.
However, over the past month, I’ve noticed several changes.
Now, she often takes 3–5 minutes to reply to each message. Sometimes, we spend 20 minutes texting but exchange only 4 or 5 messages. She also initiates fewer conversations and doesn’t send me as many videos as she used to.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that she used to tell me when she was going to do something that would keep her busy for a while. For example, she would let me know beforehand that she was going to do something and might take longer to reply. Now, she often does those things without telling me anything beforehand.
I also feel like she might have realized how emotionally attached I am to her. I usually reply very quickly, even when I’m at work, whereas she doesn’t reply as quickly as I do. I don’t know if this difference matters or if I’m simply expecting too much because I tend to prioritize our conversations.
I struggle with anxious attachment, and I’ve had a previous relationship where I experienced something similar, which makes this situation especially difficult for me. Whenever I notice these changes, I start worrying that something is wrong or that I’m going to get hurt again.
Sometimes, when I notice her acting differently, I even feel a slight pain or uncomfortable sensation in my stomach. It’s not severe, but it reminds me of the feeling I had during my previous relationship, and that makes me wonder whether my intuition is warning me about something or whether it’s simply anxiety.
There’s another thing I’m unsure about mentioning, but I think it’s relevant to understanding my thoughts. She has some intimate photos of herself that she hasn’t sent me. I sometimes worry that she might be hiding something or sending them to someone else, but I have absolutely no proof of that. I realize this could just be my anxious attachment making me imagine the worst, and I don’t want to accuse her of something without evidence.
I love her and try to reassure her of my feelings. I’ve told her that I love her, that I’m committed to her, and that I don’t talk to other girls because I promised her I wouldn’t. I’ve even removed other girls from my social media because of that promise. Sometimes, I feel like she might still have some doubts about trusting me, but I’m not completely sure.
I want to be clear that I’m not saying she’s cheating on me. I genuinely don’t know what’s happening, and that’s what makes this so difficult.