TLDR: I go on our nonrefundable Ireland trip alone, his visa is not back. Would you go alone, or stay and plan something else.

I am in a predicament, my boyfriend (M26) and I (F29) have planned a trip for my 30th birthday, set to leave on Saturday. I have a Canadian passport and he has an Indian passport, so he needed a visa for Ireland, he applied in time basis the embassys timeline. However, he has not received his passport back with a visa and tomorrow is the last day to hear about it.

That being said I am in the predicament of going alone or not going and us doing something in Canada. It’s a predicament because I got us cheap flights as it was just a week, and he did not book the hotel with a refund (lesson learned 🤦🏽‍♀️). So if neither of us go it’s a total of about 3500$ spent. I think he is in the fence about me going without him, he encourages it but also encourages us planning a week long trip in Canada.

I don’t know where I stand on it because I am going through a lot, the day I leave it’s a year since my dad died, then a year since we buried him and my birthday that I wanted to make a big deal out of this year but it was not my idea to be alone.

So I guess what would you do? Would you still go, or should cut your losses and go somewhere closer together. We haven’t travelled much together just road trips (small ones) and India.

I'm 33F and my partner is 29M. We've been in a relationship for 4 years.

My partner is a musician, and he recently met a 31F women who is also a musician. They have already sung a few songs together at a show, and they are considering collaborating more in the future, including performing a duet and rehearsing together.

The problem is that I'm becoming uncomfortable with how close their communication has become.

They text each other every day, and their messages are very long. The conversations aren't only about music or organizing rehearsals. They also talk a lot about their personal lives, where they live, where they come from, their experiences, their musical backgrounds, their respective situations, etc. So they are getting to know each other quite well on a personal level through texting.

These aren't just a few quick texts either. The messages can be very, very long. And this bothers me even more because I know my partner isn't someone who likes texting. Even with his closest friends, he doesn't always like to reply quickly.

Within these conversations, there are also regular "good morning" and "good night, sleep well" messages. To clarify, these aren't separate little messages sent on their own. They are part of the longer conversations I'm talking about. He sometimes replies to her very late at night, sometimes around 3 a.m. (he's a pretty nocturnal person), and tells her good night and to sleep well. And when he replies to her in the morning, he wishes her a good morning and tells her to have a nice wake-up, which I personally find a little intimate.

They aren't constantly texting back and forth all day with a lot of small messages. It's more like one long message during the day, a reply several hours later, then another message the following day. But the conversations are still very regular and very long.

I haven't seen any obvious flirting, hitting on each other, or anything clearly inappropriate. A good part of their conversations is about music, even if there are personal parts as well, and I understand that they need to get to know each other since they are considering working together.

However, the fact that they are getting to know each other this well through texting, with such long conversations, along with the good morning and good night messages, makes me uncomfortable.

They will also spend time alone together, especially for rehearsals and working on their duet. That makes me think about the situation too, considering they've already developed this level of personal communication even though they've only known each other for a relatively short time (3 weeks).

I don't want to assume that a man and a woman can't have a friendship or professional relationship without something romantic going on. I know that two musicians can naturally end up talking a lot when they are interested in collaborating.

I've already talked to my partner about my concerns, and he tells me there is nothing to worry about. But I sometimes feel like it frustrates or annoys him quite quickly when I bring it up. He seems to think that I'm judging him or that I have a negative image of him, when that isn't the case. We've always been comfortable with each other seeing our phones and knowing who we're talking to. He sometimes takes my phone, and I take his, too. But now he makes sure I'm not near his phone. He also told me that he no longer wants me to touch his phone because he doesn't want me to judge him for what he writes to people. Yet, being able to see his messages with this woman would reassure me. It would be a way for me to feel reassured. Just the gesture of letting me look at his phone, even if I don't actually read a single message, would make a difference to me.

I'm not trying to judge him or make him feel like he has to defend himself. I genuinely want to feel reassured, and sometimes I need to be able to talk about something in order to get that reassurance. I would like to be able to have these conversations with gentleness and compassion rather than feeling coldness or irritation. I'm not looking for an argument. I just want to feel heard, understood, and reassured.

My question is, if you were in my position, would you feel uncomfortable or worried about this situation too? Or does this seem like a completely normal dynamic given that they are musicians who are considering collaborating?

TLDR: I'm 33F and have been with my 29M partner for 4 years. He recently met a 31F musician, and they now exchange very long, personal messages almost every day, including good morning/good night messages, and will likely spend time alone rehearsing together. There is no obvious flirting, but the level of personal communication makes me uncomfortable. Would you feel uncomfortable too, or does this seem normal?

My girlfriend is going through a hard time but it's my birthday tomorrow. We’ve been dating for over 4 years & live together almost one year. We're meant to hang out and do stuff all day but I'm worried she won't be up for it and dragging her along will make things harder for her. I don't want to argue. The timing just sucks because I'm not the kind of person to want to spend my birthday alone and it's on a Thursday so everyone is working/at school. My girlfriend just works 4 10's so she has Thursdays off so it worked out. Any advice? 😞

TLDR: Gf & I had plans to spend my birthday together, but she’s having a hard time.

I apologize in advance for the length of this post, but i think the context will help inform the situation!

My bf and I have been together for three years now. We're best friends as well as partners. If you ask us, or anyone we know, there’d be no hesitation in saying that we're deeply in love. We can talk about anything freely, which is probably why I've started to notice him focusing on one particular subject; my new coworker, T (23 M).

My work has a very high employee turnover, I have a new coworker every few weeks/months at the least, and they've run the gambit in terms of temperament, age, vibe, and appearance. Some have become good friends to me & my BF, some came and went without much fanfare. T arrived in a batch of 3 other new employees. one has already quit, T is outgoing and friendly with everyone, the other guy is decidedly not. 

The first night for both of the new guys was with me & another employee, four of us total. The shift was deader than dead, that's seven hours straight of having very little to do except chat, and get to know one another. We all exchanged phone numbers to update the work groupchat, and the topics of conversation covered countless shit- including personality tests. T asked that I send him a link to the specific test we were discussing, and I did. It didn't cross my mind there’d be any issue with that. 

That night, I told my BF about the new hires, how we all just sat around and talked, and as I’m rehashing my day, I got a text from T, asking about the results of his personality test. My BF- who is usually very laid back- freaks out and insists that there is something he “should be worried about”. I laugh it off, but it's quickly evident he’s actually serious and actually very upset over this. He asks to read the text again, does so, and admits that he’d misread it- thinking T had insinuated something he absolutely had not. I tried to validate him, and be understanding while trying to smooth it over. If I'd been in his position & thought a new coworker was texting him all flirty, I probably would've freaked a little too. 

The issue therein lies that he’s never been able to be normal about T since that night. If i mention the presence of a man at work (the majority of the staff are men), my BF will bitterly ask if its “that one that texts you”, meanwhile I never even responded to that first text, and we've never exchanged a single text again (that's almost exactly a month ago today). My other coworkers (both men and women) text T, hang out with T off the clock, drink with T after work- I’m really the only one who does not pursue any friendship outside of the context of work.

T is objectively an attractive man, but i don't think he’s nearly as attractive as my BF. I know that doesn't help my BF feel any less jealous, and I've done my best to comfort and reassure him, but at a certain point, it becomes downright obsessive on his part. He’s thinking about T more than I’m thinking about T, and I'm the one who actually has to work with him! 

I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable, and i feel pushing back against my BFs concerns too hard would be even weirder, but the problem for me is that now I'm the one that feels uncomfortable. I feel like I need to avoid bringing up T because it’ll upset my BF, but then i feel weirdly guilty about doing so, as if i have anything to hide. 

My sticking point, I guess, is that my BF has plenty of girls he works with that ask him to take them to bars after work (as the groups designated safe-man) or they'll openly say he’s the cutest guy they work with, right in front of him. There's shit I could be mad about too, but I trust him, so there's nothing more than the (arguably healthy) passing flicker of jealousy that dissipates easily. i don't want to become the "jealous girlfriend", and i don't want him to become the "jealous boyfriend", and i have no idea how to tackle it from here.

It hurts to think he trusts me so little, like how is someone supposed to not take offense to being treated like a cheater? Both of us have been cheated on by long-term partners in the past, and both of us have made it clear that's a dealbreaker. My past experiences as well have led to me seeing this sudden level of jealousy as subconscious admittance of infidelity on their part- which would tear my heart to pieces if it was the case here.

i could put my foot down a bit more firmly and tell him point blank to stop harping on the subject, but would that be too cruel considering he probably just wants comforting? how do i work through this with him? we've already talked about it once, and he was quiet for a few days before it eventually came back up the next night i worked with T, so i don't think a single conversation is gonna fix everything.

TLDR; my BF is jealous of my new coworker, to the point that it's starting to weird me out, how to i handle this??

Hey guys its my first time posting on reddit so here goes nothing.

I (25M) met my lovely boyfriend (30M) and we've been dating for 3 years now. He has a roommate (26F) who has been his best friend for many many years. My boyfriend doesn't have many friends and so he spends the majority of time with her if hes not with me. He cares about her like a sister and treats her very much like so which makes me feel a little jealous. I know I have some irrational thoughts as I as a person hate feeling like a convenice or deprioritized (which I think is due to past relationships) but I'd like to know what you guys think.

First of all, he talks about her all the time as he doesn't have much else happening outside of work and the more I hear about her the more I get upset. We don't have too much in common and we talk everyday, so at times we don't have much to talk about. However, when with her, he seems like he always knows what to say and responds with thought and can talk for hours which I understand as I have friends like that as well but it still makes me feel that maybe he prefers spending time with her.

There were other instances (like how he would invite her without asking me, talk to her for hours when I am visiting him during my day off, sticking with her when we go out as a 3 as he doesnt want her feeling left out and making me feel left out) but in terms of these I've discussed with him and it did get better which im grateful of but the more I bring things up the more I feel that I'm the problem. He would also sacrifice his sleep to pick her up and give her flowers for having a hard day at work which is sweet but I'm not sure how to feel about it. Even after talking it out, the more these problems rise up, the more it stacks and the more I resent her whcih i do not want to.

I have been more sensitive recently as well as I've decided to I'll be moving to where he lives which will mean I'll have to start fresh and feeling very unstable at the moment. I feel like I might need to talk to a prefessional as I'm getting more and more sensitive with things about her but I'm currently not in the financial situation to do so. Some ideas I have about whgy these things hurt me: Maybe I feel that she can replace me? he gets enough from her so he doesnt need me? I feel the need to be needed as I moved here for him and want to feel more secure? I feel I need to work on my self worth but any opinions or suggestions would be helpful.

I'll also be moving in with them soon so would like to know how I can keep the harmony with them. They have a lot of inside jokes and its really hard for me to join their conversations eventhough I usually don't have too much trouble socializing.

tldr: Not sure what is a healthy amount of prioritizing partner over best friend if that should be the case and how I can better myself for him.

I, [21F] and my boyfriend, [21M] have been together for a year now.

A couple of weeks ago, he suggested that I start working out with him, and that he opted not to go to a gym so we could go to a park and workout together. I'm not really a person who works out or is into fitness a lot, but I didn't think it was a bad idea because I would get to spend time with him as well and it could be fun.

We were just discussing it and he suddenly says "I want a partner who works out and is into fitness". This was the first time I'd heard him say something like that, in the past one year he had not once mentioned something about him wanting an active partner.

I just sort of paused and told him that if he wanted someone like that, he should've decided that a year ago before dating me and if he wanted one still, he was free to find someone like that. He got pissed at me and told me I take things very negatively and no part of what he said suggests that he wants another partner, and that I should know him well enough by now. I tried explaining to him that it's not what he said, it's how he said it. I was really open to the idea of working out together with him and had no problem whatsoever, in fact I was looking forward to it. But what he said kind of hurt me, and I did try explaining it to him, but he kept telling me that I take things way too negatively and something he never meant to come across like that is taken in such a bad way. He also said that even if he wants a partner who is into fitness, getting into fitness isn't a bad thing in itself and would only benefit me. However, the way he communicated this made me feel like he was pointing out something about me that he wasn't satisfied with, rather than simply encouraging me to try something new.

I'm just seeking some advice, what would you feel or do if you were in a similar situation? Because I feel his side is valid but at the same time I can't decide if mine is as well.

TLDR: My (21F) boyfriend (21M) and I have been together for a year. He suggested we start working out together, which I was happy about, but then he said he wants a partner who works out and is into fitness. This hurt me because he'd never mentioned it before, and I told him he should've considered that before dating me. He got upset and said I was taking his words too negatively, insisting he didn't mean it that way.

This is not my first post about roommates, and this isn’t the first variation of this specific post. I decided to revise with more added details so no one has to hunt down my very first post explaining what kind of people my roommates are. I originally thought I have enough information for the issue at hand, but people weren’t giving me advice which is all I’m asking for.

To keep things private once again let’s call my roommates “Regina” (26F) and “Pete” (27M).

Regina in the past had a very intense emotional attachment to Pete that started to come off as obsessive. We all originally viewed it as a crush. Which I suppose is fine on its own, but it got intense FAST. To the point of insulting him to anyone who would listen, claiming he was manipulative and playing with her feelings when he constantly left doors open for communication with her. Anyone who knows Regina knows she twists the truth very often, and has an extensive history of making one person her entire personality to the point of willingly hurting others to achieve whatever relationship she wants with that person. She claims she is trying to get better and not be that kind of person anymore, but still does things like stomping and glaring if anyone spends too much time near her whoever her hyper-fixation is this time. Though the levels of extreme have calmed down since a recent incident where we had to speak to her because she got drunk and threatened us with scissors. We truly try our best with her. Pete set boundaries, listened to her concerns when she brought them to him and honestly did his best to give her the benefit of the doubt even when she was acting entitled to his time/attention.

A few months ago Pete finally started to see just how bad her behavior was, and set firm boundaries between them to be strictly friends so she would stop pushing for more. I was surprised he was able to. If anything I was really proud that he didn’t let Regina steamroll over him needing a change in their dynamic. Pete is a quiet guy, and can be pretty bad with social cues. He tends to stay in his own little bubble, but genuinely tries his best to socialize and be there for others. So it was nice to see him draw that line.

Since the change however, Pete and I have grown closer. Which was a surprise to me because I didn’t like him in the beginning for my own reasons not related to anything in this post. It wasn’t some “Oh, on to the next,” situation. Pete isn’t like that, and neither am I. We just never really got to know each other in the past. Partly because Regina acted like he was her property, or spoke badly of him to me I private often. I just didn’t feel a need to get to know him. Now I don’t think we’ve gone a single day in the past two months without spending time together.

And it is definitely more than just friends.

It’s lingering touches, cuddling, him initiating kisses even though he isn’t the biggest fan of that form of contact with people, and seeking each other out constantly.

I cannot properly explain how we got this way. But I do know that without even speaking about it we absolutely hide it from Regina. She knows we get along better. That’s fine. However, there is no way we have let how we’ve been feeling slip in front of her. Whether it’s strictly because of her past actions, or us sparing her feelings I am really unsure.

What I do know is that the way I feel about Pete is getting deeper than just something casual. Whether I’m completely falling for him in a romantic sense, I don’t know. I know it sounds that way, but I don’t want to add weight to something if he isn’t feeling that intensely. I know he loves me in a platonic way, a spiritual way, and what not. We’ve talked about it. We aren’t on different pages. Pete wants good things for me, and cares about my happiness so I don’t really need it to be romantic. But I don’t want to hide it anymore because we are all adults, and it feels far too high-school to be in this situation.

I want to be able to hug him in the kitchen without the fear of someone freaking out. I want to be able to hold his hand in the car during household outings, and I definitely want to just talk about our days in a common room without a loud scoff echoing around the corner.

I want to be the person who rips the bandaid off, and tells Regina that we are something even if I don’t know what it is. That we have minded her feelings for a long time now, but her feelings aren’t our responsibility. I’m not saying I want to rub anything in her face. I’m not an AH. I just want organic interactions to be able to happen without jumping in fear like two kids in trouble.

And I want it to be solely me telling her because in the grand scheme of things:

1. I’ve known her longer
2. If she lashes out I know I can handle it
3. They never EVER dated, and he really does not owe her anything
4. Last time we both spoke to her about something she refused to acknowledge us both. She wouldn’t even look at him.
5. Regina has hurt me several times over for years, and I always forgive her. I try my best to help her, and I have no intention to hurt her. Life isn’t the Regina Show.

TLDR; My roommate Regina has a lingering unhealthy attachment to my other roommate Pete who I recently have grown really close to. Our relationship has become romantic adjacent, and we are currently hiding it from Regina. But don’t want to anymore.

How do I tell her?

I [32F] think I’m refusing to believe what my [30M] best friend (?) has been trying to tell me. We have been best friends for years, we are exclusive, and he has told me he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We live in different countries.

He has told me that maybe this relationship is more important to me than it is to him, and another time that he does not want a relationship, and that he is never getting married. His mom is also everything to him. He has made it very clear how central she is in his life, and I think I kept telling myself there would still be enough room for me somewhere. He also has high-functioning depression, and I know that affects his energy, motivation, and how much he can give sometimes. I try to be understanding of that because I know he is not always operating from the same emotional place.

I visited him earlier this year, and honestly I felt awful during part of that trip. I had gone there thinking we would spend a lot of time together, but he was working and we basically only had the weekend together. He'd told me he had days off but was just working from home. I felt neglected and disappointed because what I had imagined the visit would be and what it actually was were very different. I do enjoy spending time on my own and doing things alone, but I wanted to spend time with him. We ended up having a really deep conversation on my last day because we needed to.

Now we are talking about me visiting again. This time I have tried to be much more realistic. I am not asking him to come to me, and I am not asking him to take two weeks off. I said I can go to him, do my own thing during the day, and see him after work.

Another thing that bothers me is that travelling is actually easier for him than it is for me, but I am still the one offering to make the trip. I am the one dealing with flights, visas, planning, money, and fitting everything around my life, and I am still saying I can come to him and work around his schedule. I think that is part of why I am so tired. I keep making the harder part mine.

His answer was basically that if I am okay with his work schedule, then I can come because he now works every day.

I think what is bothering me most is that I keep trying to solve every obstacle. Every time something comes up, my brain immediately goes to, okay, how do I make this easier? What can I change? What can I do?

He has said before that we can see each other during vacations, but realistically I know he is not going to take even one week off specifically for me. And after already visiting once, I am starting to wonder why I am preparing myself to repeat the same situation, except this time I am expecting less and trying even harder to make it easy for him.

The confusing part is that he is not cold with me. He can be very loving, he checks on me, he says things that make me feel important to him, and there are moments when I feel very close to him. He has told me he loves me and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I think every time he showed me love, I used that to argue against the things he was clearly telling me.

Now I am wondering if I have just been refusing to listen.

TLDR: Have I been so focused on understanding him and being kind to him that I have become a monster to myself?

Hi guys, I basically need to know if im insane/what to do? My boyfriend 19M and I 18F have been together about half a year. We are medium distance and see eachother every few weekends. Every time we speak however, it ends up in an argument. It gets to where we try to work it out and he essentially says that I have weird boundaries that I expect him to follow, yet I do not follow them myself. I would understand this being a point of contention, however I honestly do not see it. I feel as though I try to be as understanding and patient as possible (we both have very busy schedules) and it feels like he does not see that and starts nitpicking everything I do.
Some examples of these would be:
•Some friends and I went to a mutual (male) friends house to visit his dog. Boyfriend got upset that I didn’t tell him early enough, I told him as we were leaving to go there
•I want him to meet my friends Significant other, who has differing views from ours (we go to dinner with his friends often)
So anyway, please let me know if I am immature, or lack accountability, or just general advice. Thank you!
TLDR: Boyfriend and I argue constantly, and disagree on the reasoning.

so my girlfriend (28F) and me (25M) have been struggling recently. we’ve been together for about 6 years now and throughout that time we’ve had as much trouble as any other relationship. but since we’ve moved in together ive become somewhat lazy in doing the basic household chores, cleaning, paying bills, staying on top of important dates and when one of us will be out of town. we haven’t really had a spark in our relationship for a while and im starting to think it’s because of me not taking care of these things. but to be honest i havent really felt any motivation drive or anything. how do i reignite the spark and find the motivation to do something ?

TLDR: i have not motivation and am trying to rekindle the flame in my relationship

For context: I (26F) and partner (28M) have been dating for a year and change. We met through mutual friends. 

Before we started dating I was aware of his situation: his parents had basically uprooted his life when he was a teenager and moved the family from a major city to the countryside, essentially de-enrolling him from his final year of HS and not being supportive enough in him continuing his education in the new area, therefore he never properly finished school. Since he was a city kid, he also did not possess a  drivers license or car, making transportation in the countryside pretty impossible. The primary aspect of moving was to be closer to family, and I think for a while his parents dragged him around to take care of their old relatives until they all eventually died, with the last one passing in 2025. 

When we started dating I was concerned about his lack of job (he has never had one), schooling (GED + college), and transportation method. However he had just finished up driving lessons, and relatively quickly purchased a good used car. Around the 6 month mark I asked him when he was gonna figure out job and school, he did not even know what he wanted to study, and due to his parents negligence/ homeschooling had not properly obtained a GED and needed to test out of that before anything else. We had a bit of an argument about it, which resulted in him finally purchasing a GED book, and working out somewhat of a plan to take/ pass the GED and apply to colleges this year. While he has made some good progress preparing for the GED, he has failed to actually tackle his harder subject areas and set up a test date, mind you he has nothing but free time to do this. When I bring this up he will say things like “well it was the holidays” or “well this was a busy month” etc etc. I am getting sick of hearing excuses, and ive noticed he has a tendency to be bad at multitasking and managing the events and daily tasks that life throws at you. But he is unemployed and basically just sits home all day, so the "busy" feels like a poor reason. And it feels like I’m looking at a deeper anxiety issue than I can tackle as a partner, he needs to make serious improvements himself.

I am not saying that he needs to be on tech finance bro level of efficiency..im just asking for a little headway. I myself am definitely a busy bee, a graduate student yet still manage to find the time in my day to take care of myself, relax, and tackle small everyday tasks. I know he has made good headway in terms of getting a car and developing (somewhat) of a plan, and ultimately I knew what his situation was when I got myself into a relationship with him.

For those that may be wondering about the logistics of this relationship, I do really love him and think he is one of the kindest people on this earth. He has been nothing but supportive of my endeavors, listened to me through my most anxious and depressed moments (there can be a lot of them), and been overall a wonderful and loving partner. I have no doubt that he would stick by my side through disaster. He is also very interesting and incredibly smart and funny, I feel very welcome in his family and home, and enjoy spending time sitting quietly or talking, cooking etc. And from my personal perspective, I have dated a lot of assholes, some with big ticket jobs and degrees, and I realized that success does not equate a kind and understanding partner. So I would rather date someone kind and loving, over someone successful yet mean or inattentive. 

Im not sure where to go from here in the relationship, and I feel like if I haven’t seen change by now I doubt I will in the next year or two or three. Please help?

TLDR: BF has no sense of purpose, had never had a job, had no GED, and is living aimlessly while being supported by his parents. I dont want a partner whose burden I have to carry yet I do love him very much

My girlfriend and I have been friends since high school. We both are going to the same college and were sophomores now. During freshmen year we got closer and I ended up joining her friend group of just girls (they all like me it wasn’t forced or anything), they would always like to go out to the clubs on Thursday nights to dance and find guys and I was always invited.

My girlfriend and I began dating at the end of our freshman year so when we started dating it became summer. Once school started back up and we were back on campus, the group started to want to go out again, so did I with my girlfriend. However, for some reason, now it seems like rather than me being automatically invited on the base of being their friend, it’s always a discussion or a situation in which my girlfriend has to ask for permission for me to go because for some reason it’s always a “girls night” now. My girlfriend is uncomfortable about this because she doesn’t want to go out to the club without me especially being intoxicated and surrounded by random drunk guys but also doesn’t want to seem “annoying” by asking to bring her boyfriend to these girls nights however the only girls nights are these club nights going out and drinking, all the other girls in the friend group only go out to hookup with guys which leaves my girlfriend alone (which happened one time and that’s why she’s now uncomfortable going without me). I understand my girlfriend not wanting to be annoying but how should this situation be solved? She and I are both on the same page about everything, feel free to ask questions

TLDR: girlfriends friends want to have girls nights doing things my girlfriend is uncomfortable doing without me

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for over a year. He moved in with me right before our one year anniversary. This is my first real relationship I have only ever had one bf in high school for 3months. I don’t know how to navigate a relationship and my mental health. Yes I know we moved fast for my first relationship and that it wasn’t the smartest decision but it’s the one I made and I want to try my best to work through it.

Recently I’ve been really struggling with my anxiety and have been having anxiety attacks very frequently and I often struggle to know what I’m anxious about or how to even verbalize what I’m thinking. My boyfriend has been so supportive this whole relationship and has always tried to help me work through things but my attacks have been getting more frequent. He’s getting frustrated because he doesn’t know what to do and wants to help. I’ve been ruining everything we do, all our trips we’ve gone on I’ve had a big break downs and I’ve had a few breakdowns after sex. I feel awful I know it’s hurting him and making him anxious, stressed, and frustrated. But how do I handle my anxiety? I’m anxious about school, finances, my relationship, social outings, it never stops and I’m putting so much stress on my partner.

We had a very productive conversation last night where he told me how it’s been affecting him which was very eye opening but he said he hates when I cry cuz he feels like he can’t do anything and all he wants to do is fix it. I tried telling him he doesn’t have to fix anything but he says he can’t help but want to try and he’s feeling frustrated because I’m so unhappy. I told him I was sorry and that I wasn’t unhappy and that I was going to work on it but I don’t know how. I don’t know how I can ever cry to him again all I’m going to think about is how damaging it is but then thinking about how I’ve hurt him and that I might lose him makes me cry and panic even more I’m stuck in this cycle. I need help I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and I feel sick thinking about how I’ve been treating him and not thinking about his feelings and how I’ve been affecting him.

TLDR- Ive been having anxiety attacks and breakdowns very frequently and it’s making my bf frustrated and anxious.

My [27F] boyfriend [30M] and I have been together a little over 1.5 years. He’s warm and affectionate, incredibly intelligent and funny, and has been my best friend. I really thought we'd get married and build a family together, but trust has broken down and I think we’re stuck in a loop: When I feel doubts, I ask questions and look for reassurance. He feels judged and pulls back, and I end up feeling more anxious.

Some examples:

\\- One night his Instagram location showed him about a mile from home late at night in a cemetery while he said he was asleep, and his phone showed him active on WhatsApp a little bit later. He says the location was a glitch.

\\- He called a woman from college a “buddy” and said they'd had a brief mutual crush when they met that fizzled out, but he's liked her posts for years. Then I found old notes of his where he wrote that he was deeply attracted to and obsessed with her, and that she was his "future." They've been texting on and off for a decade+, about once a year, and he even watched the T.V. show she was on last year. When I asked him directly, he told me he had no lingering feelings for her.

\\- He bought a ring for me in May and said he’d propose soon. I expected it on a June trip; afterward he said 2027 and that he’d never planned that trip. We agreed on a fall road trip instead when he realized how much the changed timeline hurt me. He later privately decided not to do so on the road trip either because our couples therapy/pre-marital counseling was apparently not going well.

\\- After the June trip, I found that a previously unopened box of condoms in his drawer had been opened, and a few were on top of his socks. None were missing, and we’re waiting for marriage for intercourse. He said he’d brought them with us on the trip in case I changed my mind.

\\- In one of our last couples therapy sessions, I learned about $40k in credit card debt (plus student loans). He said beyond the emotional and relational benefit, sharing costs was one benefit of living together. I earn more, and it felt transactional, especially because he's joked about me being a "breadwinner" before, and he'd never told me the extent of his debt. We had a few tense calls/arguments afterward where I brought up this fear and my conclusions. He’s since said that money isn’t why he’s with me, and that he feels hurt by my assumptions about his motivations.

On my end, I have anxiety and likely PMDD, and I’m in therapy and on a treatment plan to fix this. I'm not proud of this at all, but when things felt uncertain in the past, I checked his location, his social media, and things at his place, and some of my questions became conclusions about his character. He’s said that left him feeling mistrusted, worn down, and mildly depressed.

We've currently stopped couples therapy. He’s in individual therapy twice a week, and I just found out that he's been using that space to decide if a happy and healthy future with me is possible. He sent me an email a few days ago saying he’s unsure he can give me the future and certainty I want, and that he's having a hard time balancing his career with our relationship. Distance is also an issue: he now says he wants to stay near his parents and high school friends for emotional support. I've told him I'm willing to move an hour away from my family/office.

We talked on the phone later and he told me that for a long time, he'd really wanted a future with me. Lately though, the conflict has strained him to a point where he feels uncertain about us. His therapist had him come up with a list of traits for his "ideal partner." The list is as follows:

\\- Implicit trust
\\- Charitability (assuming the best of him)
\\- Softness (looking at him with "affection and adoration”, giving him “praise") ((He’s said multiple times that I have RBF with him and his friends and that I’m not integrating with the group as easily as his friends’ partners have))
\\- Competency (not wanting to handhold a partner and guide them)
\\- Cleverness/Humor
\\- Kindness, but not necessarily niceness

I got the sense that he meant I fit some of these--and others, like the first three, I don't.

We're both still technically "together" and not seeing anyone else, but I've never felt more lost. Has anyone gotten out of this cycle? What helped, and how do you know when it can’t be fixed?

——

TLDR: Stalled engagement, late debt disclosure, and confusing incidents broke my trust. My anxiety turned into checking; now he's withdrawn and is considering ending things. Has anyone gotten out of this cycle? What helped, and how do you know when it can’t be fixed?

Two and a half weeks ago I [36M] met a woman [35F] through Hinge; let’s call her Linda. We hit it off right away, and our second date lasted almost 24 hours (going back to her place). We met several times since then, and this last weekend she stayed over at my place.

The intimacy has developed fast, from just sex to holding hands while walking on the street, cuddling, deep and personal conversations, and really getting to know each other more.

Yesterday, when agreeing to meet again at her place on Friday, I mentioned that I’d cancel another date (supposed to have been the 2nd one) with another woman that evening, to spend time with Linda. I asked her if she was seeing anyone else. She was, she said: there’s another guy she’s spending time with.

I realized that I’m genuinely starting to like her and that, while I’m not looking to put a label on our connection, I’d like to focus on her exclusively for now to simply explore what’s going on between us. I noticed that I feel slightly uncomfortable with the fact that she doesn’t reciprocate that sentiment.

I’m trying to figure out for myself whether this is a dealbreaker or not. The time we spent felt extremely intimate and it feels strange to “share” that. To be clear: I don’t judge her for this, I know it’s very normal nowadays to date in this manner, and for context she got out of a 12-year relationship only six months ago. She said on her profile that she was looking for something long-lasting, but when talking with her she didn’t seem so sure. I’m not sure if I’m ready for something serious either, but the non-exclusivity apparently bothers me.

How would you recommend me to deal with this? Step back? Be patient? Talk about it more?

TLDR: I prefer to date a woman I just met exclusively, while she doesn’t seem to need that. Should I be patient or indicate my needs and be willing to end this connection if she prefers to keep it more open for now?

A few years ago, early in our relationship, I was not the most loving boyfriend, which was all she wanted from me. Her mother had passed away a few years prior, and she was essentially looking for support and love—love that I failed to give because I didn't know how to handle her emotions. I was emotionally unavailable.

A few years later, she decided to leave, something I genuinely thought she would never do. It was a massive wakeup call. I promised her I would change, and I did. Over the last year and a half, I became a much more loving partner and worked on the things she had asked of me. I did it because my love for her is immense. I grew up and learned to communicate better, especially since I had built up resentment toward her, which I have since let go.

Fast forward six months after the split, and we got engaged. Things have been wonderful; we still have arguments, but they are much healthier and more civilized.

Fast forward to the present. She recently told me that she is still harboring resentment over how I treated her in the past, and that the engagement felt like a 'band-aid.' I know she still loves me, just as I love her, and I want to do whatever it takes to help heal this. I’ve even considered that moving out temporarily might be a good move, as it's difficult to move past resentment when you're living together every day.

What should I do?

Any and all advice is accepted.

TLDR: My girlfriend still hold resentment for things I've done in the past. How do I navigate this going forward?

I bought these comfy cotton briefs. My boyfriend made a comment this morning about my underwear not being sexy. It's fine they're not, it just makes me mad because whenever I have something I want to say appearance wise im so nice about it, I never just come right out and say oh this thing is gross you should change it. I just want to go through every thing I've been nice about and be blunt about what I don't think is sexy and hurt him back. He has already apologized for making a stupid comment. Do I assume this was a dumb comment and not a red flag? How do I get over this comment and my anger at him over it? Any tips on stopping myself from being mean and blunt about his appearance going forward?

TLDR: partner made dumb comment, I never comment on appearance but now want to start, what do I do?

I am a \[28M\] guy living in a 3bhk in banglore. I share this apt with my brother\[31M\] and his girlfriend\[28F\]. They sometimes live here and sometimes at the girl’s apt.
I have been dating this girl \[27F\]for 6 months now and we have been living together. Both of us are working professionals.
Lately I’ve been in a suffocating situation where my girl has started to have serious problems with my brother’s girl (she doesnt event know that my g has a problem with her).
My g says that she hates her coz of the way she speaks and calls her hypocrite (coz she claims to be feminist but she once was hanging out with a group in which one person was a molester- common friends problem)
I have seen this behaviour of hers with my friends also. She HATES some of them because of their social leaning or just because they are a little childish sometimes (maybe they come from some privileged bg and did not suffer enough to be as strong valued and matured as her)
I tell her that if you have problems with people, we should work to fix it. By talking. they are important in my life, maybe have a conversation and give them a chance. But she always rejects this idea and says she will stay away only.

This is spoiling literally all my friendships coz i dont feel like leaving her behind and go chill with them (although she never stopped me. I just dont feel like)

Im now scared that she will continue judging and blocking people later as well. Could be my parents also later.

Today we had an argument about all this coz I was cleaning the house (preparing for my parents visit- 1st time in 5 years they are coming); me, my brother and his g were cleaning and she just came inside the room and started smoking and watching series. When i asked for help, she said she cannot be in the same room as the other girl in the house and i should respect her decision.

Idk what to do… im kind of getting worried about my future. Is it only me or do men in general think about their friends and family while in a relationship? Or should i just be focused on her?

TLDR
Should I end this?

So me and my girlfriend are long distance, sweden and USA, but we see eachother pretty often, i was just in the US for 3 months, and when i was there, i think just a few days into me being there, we were watching this show called 11.22.63, because its one of my favourite shows ever so i recommended it.

So we are watching it, like halfway through it, the girlfriend of the main character person gets injured in a fight and has like a huge scar on her face, and then she goes to get plastic surgery for it.

Then the cool older smooth-talking character comes in once they had found the plastic surgeons that could operate on her face, and he says something like ''Hey Sadie, lets get you to them doctors, i heard they wanna see what a true beauty looks like''.

And i thought it was just a really clever and smooth line to say, so i just said ''Indeed'', not to the true beauty part, just because i thought it was a sick line, like oh, plastic surgeons, their work is about ''beauty'', so the line makes sense. And ''Indeed'' is just something i say sometimes after things too if that matters.

And immediately she storms out of the room saying that im disgusting and all this, that i need to look for a flight home, that she doesn't know what to do with me now, and that she doesnt wanna be in a relationship with me, etc. I ofcourse explained myself immediately, but she wouldn't buy it, and still doesnt, even though this was now 7 months ago.

After maybe 2 weeks, she was calm and ok again, but then at random, she'd just think about it again, and get re-upset, and it went on and on like that.

And this is something she spent what felt like half of our entire time together being upset about, making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and like a terrible boyfriend. And looking back on it, it makes me a little angry that we had 3 months together and she decided to be so upset over this, i understand her interpretation, but i immediately explained myself and stuck by my explanation, i dont know what else i can do? And this isnt something i have ever done either, i never talk about other girls looks at all, so it doesnt even make sense for me to randomly do it here, but she calls it a ''slip up''.

It just sucks knowing that any random day, she can look back on this, get upset, and thats now gonna be her mood for the next handful of days.

TLDR: Girlfriend thinks i complimented a girl on a TV show by saying ''indeed'' to a comment about her being a true beauty, but i was really just complimenting the smooth line that the character said.

TLDR - Dads wife hates me and I’ve agreed to have them over tomorrow:

I’m \[48F\] and would really appreciate some outside perspective because I’m feeling hurt and conflicted.
My Dad who is \[75M\] has a wife 75F wiho has disliked me for 40 years since we met after she had already married my Das when I was 9 or 10, or at least treated me as though she does, since she met me when I was around 10 years old. I remember her speaking to me unkindly as a child. She’s always been cold towards me, and whenever I’ve tried to say hello with a hug she freezes up, it’s so awkward, she’s made me feel as though I’m an inconvenience and she’d rather I wasn’t there.
My dad and she live abroad. I hardly saw him growing up, just once or twice a year until a teenager and not much into adulthood. Four years ago, I took my sons to visit them for the first time in years. My dad collected us from the airport, and when we arrived at their house, his wife came to open the gate and then just walked off without saying hello or welcoming us. I actually had to follow her to say hello, and she responded in the same cold, hostile way she always has.
It made me realise that this isn’t just me imagining things or being oversensitive. This has been a pattern for nearly 40 years.
Today, I went to a family day with my boyfriend and sons. My dad and his wife were there, along with other family members. They had never met my partner of 3 years. As soon as we arrived, she saw us but made absolutely no effort to speak to us. Usually, I would have gone over to her and made the effort to say hello, despite knowing how uncomfortable it would make me feel. This time, I didn’t.
She didn’t speak to me, my boyfriend, either of my sons all day. She has always been like this.
I think something has finally shifted in me. I’ve spent decades trying to be nice to someone who was the adult when I was a child and who, in my opinion, should have made some effort to build a relationship with her husband’s child.
The problem is that, earlier in the day, I’d agreed that my dad could come to my house tomorrow afternoon. In the moment, I agreed without really thinking about how uncomfortable I feel around his wife. Now I’m home, I’m dreading the visit and really don’t want her in my house.
On the drive home, I was explaining all of this to my boyfriend. He witnessed her ignoring us all day and knows the history. Instead of acknowledging how hurtful it was or supporting me, he said, “At least they’re making the effort to drive to your house.”
I felt really hurt by that. It felt as though he was suggesting that I was being unkind and ungrateful, when I’ve spent years making the effort and feeling rejected in return.
What would you do?

I like them. We talk and hang out. We're friends* (It's been a month)

I liked them first. Now I think they like me back. I don't think I can do this. I don't want to break their heart but lying would be worse. The more they show they like me, the more I pull away.

They ask for things. I have a hard time saying no. It's getting better, but I still struggle. They asked me to communicate and I do, but I don't want to make my feelings their burden. I have a lot of various feelings.

I'm used to pining after people who don't want me. I think I like the fantasy more than the real thing right now. I don't want to start anything real if it's long distance. But the way he talks makes me yearn. I want more than I am willing to take although I know he would give it to me.

He asks for more and more and I don't tell him no. I lie again and again, until I reach a breaking point where we need to sit down and talk. I feel overdramatic every time. It could've been a simple no if I was less of a wimp.

I don't think casual is for me. I don't think I can keep this up. It's going to end in disaster if this isn't already bad enough.

Dearest public diary, I am an asshole to both my friend* and I. I know.

How do I tell them we can't be friends* anymore, but we can be regular friends if they're still willing?

TLDR

I like my friend* who seems to like me back. I can't deal with reciprocation (yes, yes, it's immature, but it is what it is). He's a safe person for me. I am not one for him. I can't just say no. And that is absolutely bad.

Maybe we can circle back in a few years but for now I want to go from friends* to regular friends.

How do I tell him?

I’m a 60-year-old mother, and I honestly never imagined I’d be writing something like this about my own child.
My son is 42. For the past two years, our relationship has deteriorated to the point where I no longer answer his calls. He has become increasingly hostile, insulting, and demanding, particularly when it comes to money.
Let me explain.
I’ve worked since I was a child. I’ve had my own struggles, raised my children, survived serious injuries, and spent years caring for my disabled veteran husband. I’ve worked hard to establish financial stability, and I’m still working to improve my future.
My son has had some serious financial problems. I know he’s struggling, and that hasn’t been easy for me to watch.
But I didn’t simply turn my back on him.
I gave him a car, paid for insurance, provided an iPhone and phone service, and suggested practical ways he could earn money. I encouraged him to get a roommate to help cover expenses and look into work such as deliveries, construction, or whatever he could find.
I was trying to give him the tools to become independent, not create a situation where he would depend on me indefinitely.
When I refused to provide ongoing financial support, his attitude toward me changed dramatically.
He began insulting me, blaming me for his circumstances, and leaving hostile voicemails. He has mocked my serious leg injury, insulted my disabled husband, and brought up my caregiver compensation as though my income is somehow relevant to what I owe him.
During my recovery from a fractured femur, I needed substantial assistance myself. I paid for transportation, deliveries, and other help. My son lived nearby, but I couldn’t rely on him.
Now he’s accusing me of abandoning him during the darkest period of his life.
What’s particularly confusing is that he’ll tell me never to speak to him again, then continue calling and leaving angry messages.
I’ve stopped responding, but the hostility hasn’t stopped.
Here’s what frightens me: I never believed my son was capable of speaking to me this way. If I was so wrong about that, how am I supposed to know what else he might do?
He’s physically much larger than I am. I don’t know whether he’d ever confront me in person, but the increasingly aggressive contact makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve even started thinking about moving somewhere he doesn’t know my address.
I don’t want his money. I don’t want him to take care of me. I’m not asking him for anything.
I simply want to live my own life without being insulted, pressured, or made responsible for another adult’s financial problems.
I’m considering documenting everything with the police and looking into a protective order if the unwanted contact continues.
My questions are:
Has anyone dealt with an adult child whose hostility escalated after you stopped providing financial support?
Did going completely no-contact help, or did the behavior get worse?
What practical steps helped you protect your privacy, safety, and peace without escalating the conflict?
I’m not looking for ways to punish my son. I just want the harassment to stop.
I’m exhausted, and I want my life back.
TLDR: My 42-year-old son has become increasingly verbally abusive since I stopped financially supporting him. Despite giving him a car, phone, and other help, he continues leaving hostile voicemails. I’ve stopped responding and want advice on safely ending the harassment.

My girlfriend (22F) and I (22M) have been together for about a year. I'm her first boyfriend, and while I care about her a lot, lately I've been feeling unappreciated and mentally exhausted.

I work while building my own business and paying my university tuition, so I'm pretty careful with money. I mostly spend on necessities and tools or subscriptions related to my work. My girlfriend studies and works at a bakery, and she earns less than I do. Her parents also tend to spoil her.

She often asks me for small gifts, sometimes multiple times a week. Usually, she asks playfully, and I understand that she enjoys receiving gifts. Sometimes I joke that the things she asks for aren't worth the money, but if I can afford them, I usually buy them because I want to make her happy.

Whenever we go out to eat, I always pay. I've never let her pay for our meals, and she has never really offered to pay or treat me either. I don't mind paying, but sometimes I wonder whether she's become so used to this dynamic that she no longer thinks about reciprocating or showing appreciation in other ways.

Another thing that bothers me is physical affection. She rarely initiates hugs, kisses, or holding hands. She accepts it when I initiate, but I often wish she would show affection on her own without me having to ask or make the first move every time.

She also really likes K-pop idols and attractive male celebrities, especially those with good physiques. She often reposts their pictures or videos and talks about how handsome they are, sometimes right in front of me. Occasionally, I wonder if she's trying to make me jealous, although I can't say for sure. When I express that something makes me uncomfortable, she tends to brush it off or change the subject rather than discuss it with me.

I understand that people express love differently, and I don't expect her to do everything exactly the way I do. I'm not claiming to be a perfect boyfriend, either. I just want to feel that the effort I put into this relationship is noticed and that affection and appreciation go both ways.

Lately, though, I've been feeling mentally exhausted.

I'd appreciate some honest advice. Am I expecting too much from her, or are these reasonable things to want in a relationship? How can I communicate my needs without making her feel like I'm keeping score or demanding that she change who she is?

TLDR: I feel unappreciated in my one-year relationship because I'm usually the one paying, buying gifts, and initiating physical affection. My girlfriend also dismisses my discomfort about some things. Am I expecting too much, and how should I handle this?