I looked her straight in the eye and said, “Nice try... you look like a normal-sized biologist to me.”

because life is a competition and they need to know their father will always win.

Because a school of hippos would be a hippocampus

It wasn't stroganoff

There’s a lovely key change at the end

I said "Babe, it's not what it looks like!"

🎶 Sweet Karo Line 🎶

He said WTF?!

Jeff Pesos

He ran away from the Rolling Stones

It just made him more sluggish

Listen, it's OK.

He was sent to the ICU

Always be frank.

A father-in-law.

...I'm really excited for her to be making some dough!

It comes at a time of great knead, our finances have been really crumby lately. We've been in a bit of a debt hole and now we can finally rise above it!

Looking forward to life with another bread-winner in the house!

(Inspired by real events - I was only going to do one celebratory pun but then I got on a roll...)

She’d do anything for love but she won’t do VAT

Partial arts

It was a Jim, Jimothy, Jim, Jimothy, Jim, Jim jury.

Oh well 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.

Wife - What makes you say that?

Husband - He’s been miserable lately.

Me: 0mg

Knock knock

Hello little girl. My name is Father Stewart and I am collecting for the orphanage.

Bang! Bang!

I'm ready, Father.

This just now happened...

Went into O'Reilly for brake pads. Guy at the counter said, "What are you needing today?"

I said, "I need brake pads."

He got his fingers on the keyboard and said, "OK, what's it for?"

I said, "It helps your car stop."

Thankfully she came around.