i bet he's thinking

I want to thank you guys, 1½ years ago I was a complete wreck when I had just broken up with my exBPD. It was horrible, sometimes it felt like coming off drugs.

I remember stumbling upon this subreddit when I was still in the relationship with her. It was already messed up but while reading on here I kept thinking "well it's not all bad", "I know she loves me" and "people with BPD deserve love too". Until it got so bad that my vision would turn black whenever I would hear her voice. My nervous system was completely fried towards the end. The next six months to a year or I was very anxious and depressed so I posted on here a lot and read all you guys stories.

Now tonight it just occurred to me: I have thought about her in quite a while, and when I do think about her I don't feel anything! No loss, no anger, no feelings of injustice, just "ok yeah that happened". I'm free again. Actually quite looking forward to the future too.

I remember reading similar posts when I was going through the break up and thinking "yeah right, things will never be ok again with me" so I thought I had to post something, give back.

To anyone reading this going through something similar: You are so much stronger than you think, and one day you will look back on this and shrug your shoulders and move on. A new, stronger, and wiser person.

Thank you all for your support the past year and a half.

Think about it. Unquestioning compliance, obedience, and loyalty unconditionally. All of your time and assets should be poured into THEM because they said so. Isolating you from anyone else in your life. Repetitively drilling the same shit into your head until you just psychologically collapse and submit. A relationship with pwBPD functions in extremely similar metrics and framework to a cult.

If they can't attach properly, I guess we'll never be remembered for what we did? Feels like we died.

So I am on the final stages of a relationship with my BPD partner. We have been kinda broken up for a bit over two months. Daily texting but not seeing each other.

I am in therapy, and my therapist won't say 'end it' but he keeps hoping it ends (he is great).

I've read these posts and marveled at how similar all the situations are...and the advice is always the same 'end it'.

Yet there is this part of me...this nagging hope...that maybe just maybe she can come around and it can be like it was at the start. That maybe she is BPD-lite and that she will figure it out and come around. I find myself making all these excuses for her. I’ve even tried to be mean and she won't go...she just leaves this little tether of hope and is slowly killing me.

How do you all get over that? I am really struggling. I have not gone no-contact, but I am trying. We still have a bit of an intertwined life for the next several weeks so full non-contact is impossible in the near term. I've set personal boundaries regarding no more help. Her life is going to get meaningfully harder on her own and it is just so tragic and painful to watch someone you love make choices that are so clearly driven by her BPD... but the thing is only the BPD can save themself.

Wheres the proof? Everyone can say something about someone and i wasnt there. Why do they trauma dump on you on the first day?

Its simple, its to make you emotional and get attached slowly. Its just 1 out of 1000 things they do and once you fall in love, you lost the game. They will come and make you suffer and you will even question yourself if you are the bad person or not.

The ex probably wasnt the way they talked about. It is what happens when emotions take over logic. Hes bad, he did this and that. And even if so, why do i need to know this shit? Its a new relationship so stop bringing in old crap from the past.

Mine:  "It's in your soul that the true distortion lies"

But not to reconnect.. im not sure how I feel .

Her life is better without me craving my attention.

The weird feeling of feeling like some people with bpd make decent companionship. It might havd felt good at the time .

I am at the very beginning of my healing journey. I feel like one of the worst times for me is at night; my thoughts start racing, I'm replaying conversations and moments, I feel like I can't breathe, can't sleep, can't think straight or trust my own memories or feelings. Is that common? How have you dealt with this if you have felt this way too? I just want to sleep through the night again...

Asking because mine did.

I was the dumpee. Pattern of hers: she gets into a relationship, locks it in until her partner is either safely secured or gets to be "too much", then throws them out for a shiny new orbiter. If she is ever the dumpee she loses her shit, abandonment fears are so bad she's beaten almost every single ex to the punch.

So when she dumped me, she offered me to stay friends. An olive branch. At least told me she cared about me enough that she didn't want to lose (control of) me entirely.

And, genuinely, I didn't refuse her offer. I wanted her in my life, too.

But going from lovers planning a future wedding to just one of her dozens of "barely acknowledged until she needed something from them" friends was too painful. I was still in love. I couldn't be a healthy friend that way. I said I'd like to but I needed time alone.

And I think that, too, triggered something. Abandonment fear again? I don't know.

The fact that I didn't immediately take the offer and instead wanted time to move on first shook her. I saw how any hopes she had just died.

I got blocked everywhere immediately afterwards. We've been no-contact because of this. She still watches my social media, while I refuse to check up on her or beg to be unblocked. Even if the urge gets debilitating sometimes.

It's all such a mindfuck. What's the point of asking for friendship and then ripping it away if it can't be on solely your terms?

Like they don’t plan for the week, or the next few days or months. It’s kind of like they are just living for …today. Like if I were to reach out to my ex and hang out with him, and ask him what his plans are..it would be like he’s flying by the seat of his pants. Like spur of the moment “oh yes I need to go here” “oh yes I have to go here too” Just very…sporadic? I always felt my ex thinks out loud too..then if I ever got confused and asked what he said he says “I’m just talking to myself.” Oh! And if I ever was in a happy mood, he’d start prying as if someone else made me happy, like “why are YOU in a good moods today?” Says it playfully but almost like he doesn’t trust that I’m maybe happy because of THEM. Very suspicious all the time. All those things caused me so much anxiety.

We’ve been together for 18 months. I get scared because my ex was. What are the signs you observe to make sure you’re not doing it again?

Ive been scrolling and watching vids n stuff and a common thing i see is that they come back. I was the dumpee in my case. I'm just curious if she'll ever come back because I've been blocked from everywhere and I do have a lot to say to her. She's a good person who's got a lot of friends too (only a few she considers close) and she's rlly sweet and kind too (NOT a man-eater) so i hope she's not thinking along the lines of "oh im such a monster, i hurt him so badly" because she has had thoughts along the lines of 'im such a broken person' before.

We’d been dating almost two months, i did some research into bpd early onto our relationship and found this subreddit. we talked about it, and i still decided to move forward with the relationship because i loved her, or i thought i did lol. She broke up with me because i said her BPD was a part of her and i love her anyways. she said she refuses to accept her bpd as part of her, and i’m honestly wondering if i said something wrong? is that not true? i personally have depression and i think it’s part of me. it’s not a GOOD part of me but a part of me nonetheless that i have to manage and accept. I don’t even know what to do we broke up at like 3AM and ive been awake since lol help 😭

I’m breaking up with my BPD husband, and I have such mixed feelings. I can’t get over the accusations and the way he spoke to me. He called me abusive and a coward, said our life was fake, and accused me of wanting an ideal life that was nothing but a lie.
And that he constantly forgave me and he’s the only one working on this relationship..
During our last fight, he went through my WhatsApp conversation with a one of my best girlfriend and accused me of not respecting him simply because I told her I was scared he might say something to our parents that could ruin everything and that I am tired.
Then, a week before I was supposed to move out, he came back home and told me that if I wanted things to get better, I would need to apologize, try harder, go to my therapist, and also start to take medication…! :)
What really broke me, I accidentally came across a conversation between him and one of his former colleagues and they were flirting. He was saying he was sad, she offered to be there for him during his difficult time, and he replied that he would love to see her because he loves seeing her aaaand he made sure he constantly deleted all their conversation and told me because he wasn’t talking to her since a long time :) .. When I confronted him, first he said he hasn’t spoken with her for a year, then when he knew I read it.. he apologized and said I had misunderstood the conversation.
I’m tired as fu... This is all too much for me, and I honestly feel like he doesn’t even understand why I’m leaving.

My girlfriend (24F) and I (24M) have been in a long-distance relationship for 5 months. She has told me she has BPD and anxiety.
Lately, I’ve noticed less effort in our communication. She rarely asks about my day anymore, and our conversations aren’t as engaging as they used to be. She sometimes leaves my messages on seen or only reacts to the TikToks and Instagram reels I send her.
She often starts small arguments on Thursday nights, and we sometimes stop talking for a day or two. What’s strange is that she usually stays up very late every night, even when she’s tired or has to wake up early. Last Thursday, she was the one who suggested staying up together, but then suddenly said she was sleepy and went to bed. This felt unusual because it’s not how she normally behaves.
She’s also very jealous and checks my friends and followers. She often suspects that I’m talking to other girls or cheating on her, even though I’ve respected her wishes and avoided talking to other girls. I’ve read that people who frequently accuse their partners of cheating might be cheating themselves, and this thought has made me more suspicious, although I know it isn’t necessarily true.
I’m usually the one who reaches out first after our arguments to make things right. I’m starting to feel exhausted and confused.
I have anxious attachment, partly because my previous girlfriend cheated on me. These changes have made me insecure, and I sometimes wonder if my current girlfriend is hiding something or cheating on me, but I have no proof.
For people with experience in relationships involving BPD, how can I distinguish between my own anxiety and genuine relationship problems? How can I address these changes and trust issues without accusing her unfairly or neglecting my own needs?
TL;DR: My girlfriend has BPD and anxiety. She’s become less engaged in our conversations, often starts arguments on Thursday nights despite usually staying up late, and frequently suspects me of cheating. My past experience with infidelity makes me wonder if she’s hiding something too. I need advice on handling this situation in a healthy way.

I'm really struggling because she did nothing wrong except have an extinction burst when I stated my firm boundary of minimised communication. I could've easily stayed a little longer. But there were issues but nothing dramatic like verbal abuse. She's only ever been sweet and flirty and caring to me. She pleaded alternatives and to try and make it work. At the end of the breakup call she just silently accepted it, and I blocked her on everything. I was extremely numb the whole time after crying for the whole week prior knowing what had to be done. I'm extremely guilty and am fighting the urge to unblock her and say how impulsive and cold my decision and execution of the breakup was, I feel like I made a huge mistake driven by gut feelings that could've been misleading and driven by tireless possibly misguided research into quiet BPD. I'm lost and lonely with no support, it feels like coming off a horrible addiction.