Didn't expect to find myself making a reddit post due to not being able to resolve the problem, but here I am. I will probably show this post to her later, though.

So, my wife has bpd, we've been through a breakup before, but seemingly figured it out, got back together and then married. The highs are great, but life keeps throwing rocks, and she's falling apart. I'm loaded with work, she ignores therapy, I'm giving the rest of what's left in me just to compensate for her breakdowns and all I get in return are suicide threats and hatred. It wasn't always like this, of course. I'm afraid that I've fallen out of her "favourite person" spot as the time went by and the novelty has worn off.

Back in the day, we had decent communication. I was patient, tolerated disrespect, avoided any blame. Yet, she progressively felt more guilty about everything. And her guilt pours out into complete spiral of giving up on trying to control the swings, which falls entirely on me.

The thing is, I have lost control of the situation entirely. I'm not able to calm her down, not able to help no matter what I do, and I just ran out of option what could possibly help her feel better.

I love her. And she reciprocates, sometimes. We wanted to make this last, and build a life together. We already have a pretty good foundation, the relationship was much better, let's say.. half a year ago. That's why I'm thinking that it's just a phase that I have to help her go through.

Though I'm tired. And deep down, I do see that on a grand scale, it all goes towards the rock bottom. But I remember the times when it felt like a fairy tale, a gift from universe that will last a lifetime. She helped me through my lowest, and is doing her best.

I know that no person will put up with her except for me, she won't let someone learn how to help her again. And if I leave, it will literally kill her. (For like a week, then she'll move on and probably get a new addiction, you know how it goes), but anyway. I apologise if this whole post feels passive aggressive, please be understanding.

I'm aware, the usual advice is to focus on myself, and think about what I want. I personally want to restore the love to it's former glory. The hope is dim, but if it used to take place, I don't let myself admit that things won't get back to how they were.

I'm desperate. Making this post to write it down, and maybe notice something I have been missing out on.

To sum it up, if both of us were the versions of ourselves we are striving to be, it would work just fine. And we used to try bringing it into reality, until both of us have gotten too tired to even function.

TL;DR: She stopped putting in effort due to being tired and overwhelmed by hatred, and I'm trying to save the relationship because the love is still there, or so I want to believe.

Feel free to ask questions, and sorry beforehand for this - I don't feel comfortable providing ages and time we've been together. Thank you for reading. It means a lot.

*Trigger warning: disturbing screenshots*
I did everything I could to keep the relationship and he still dumped me for somebody else. He wants to be friends but then I feel pushed away. He made me feel I had BPD, and i miss the old him before he stopped his therapy. I don’t know why, but I still hope that the ”kind him” will come back.

We’ve been together for 18 months. I get scared because my ex was. What are the signs you observe to make sure you’re not doing it again?

We’d been dating almost two months, i did some research into bpd early onto our relationship and found this subreddit. we talked about it, and i still decided to move forward with the relationship because i loved her, or i thought i did lol. She broke up with me because i said her BPD was a part of her and i love her anyways. she said she refuses to accept her bpd as part of her, and i’m honestly wondering if i said something wrong? is that not true? i personally have depression and i think it’s part of me. it’s not a GOOD part of me but a part of me nonetheless that i have to manage and accept. I don’t even know what to do we broke up at like 3AM and ive been awake since lol help 😭

My girlfriend (24F) and I (24M) have been in a long-distance relationship for 5 months. She has told me she has BPD and anxiety.
Lately, I’ve noticed less effort in our communication. She rarely asks about my day anymore, and our conversations aren’t as engaging as they used to be. She sometimes leaves my messages on seen or only reacts to the TikToks and Instagram reels I send her.
She often starts small arguments on Thursday nights, and we sometimes stop talking for a day or two. What’s strange is that she usually stays up very late every night, even when she’s tired or has to wake up early. Last Thursday, she was the one who suggested staying up together, but then suddenly said she was sleepy and went to bed. This felt unusual because it’s not how she normally behaves.
She’s also very jealous and checks my friends and followers. She often suspects that I’m talking to other girls or cheating on her, even though I’ve respected her wishes and avoided talking to other girls. I’ve read that people who frequently accuse their partners of cheating might be cheating themselves, and this thought has made me more suspicious, although I know it isn’t necessarily true.
I’m usually the one who reaches out first after our arguments to make things right. I’m starting to feel exhausted and confused.
I have anxious attachment, partly because my previous girlfriend cheated on me. These changes have made me insecure, and I sometimes wonder if my current girlfriend is hiding something or cheating on me, but I have no proof.
For people with experience in relationships involving BPD, how can I distinguish between my own anxiety and genuine relationship problems? How can I address these changes and trust issues without accusing her unfairly or neglecting my own needs?
TL;DR: My girlfriend has BPD and anxiety. She’s become less engaged in our conversations, often starts arguments on Thursday nights despite usually staying up late, and frequently suspects me of cheating. My past experience with infidelity makes me wonder if she’s hiding something too. I need advice on handling this situation in a healthy way.

But not to reconnect.. im not sure how I feel .

Her life is better without me craving my attention.

The weird feeling of feeling like some people with bpd make decent companionship. It might havd felt good at the time .

Hi everyone!

My close friend of around 6 years has recently told me they have been diagnosed with BPD and after learning about it from them and some posts online some events from their past and the current present makes a lot more sense.

They told me that they only consider me a “semi-close” friend because I don’t give good advice and because I will always rank lower than their favourite person. And I completely understand that they feel that their dependency on their FP could be because of BPD and also because of the pattern that all of their FPs are able to relate to deeper topics and give romantic affection in ways that a platonic friendship could never. They also mentioned that they get frustrated when their attention is on more than one person.

But they told me that all of their pervious FPs were not supportive with their mental and physical health, would ghost my friend whenever they tried to communicate their feelings or about issues that were affecting my friend negatively in the relationship and every time my friend decides to leave the relationship their FP suddenly comes back with promises to be better and the only reason why the relationship would end is if their FP enters a relationship with someone else. Then my friend will finally leave but it’s a cycle when my friend finds a new FP and that person is not the best person for my friend! They are currently wanting to leave their current FP and is having a tough time.

I want them to know that I am here for them, but genuinely I feel like they don’t want me. Or I just suck at expressing that.

I try my best to be there for my friend and I’m actively around for whenever they need to vent or distract themselves with a hangout but I feel like my supportive listening, reassurance that I will never leave them, and space when they look like their are having a tough time, does not get through to them. Maybe my communication skills are not good enough? Or it is my own issues around my wellbeing or the way I can or cannot articulate my thoughts or show them on my face properly?

I’ve come to the conclusion that it is up to them to go through these experiences and make their own choices and that I have no influence on their choices on who they grow attracted to but I really want them to know that I am here for them and they are allowed to focus their energy on other things in life and chase the dreams that they have passion for.

I want them to not be trapped in this cycle anymore because it makes them so sad.

Will this get better? Any advice I should tell them? Any advice on how to improve my communication and listening skills? Any advice on how to improve my advice?

This is a long one but I’m genuinely so worried. Thank you!

I’m breaking up with my BPD husband, and I have such mixed feelings. I can’t get over the accusations and the way he spoke to me. He called me abusive and a coward, said our life was fake, and accused me of wanting an ideal life that was nothing but a lie.
And that he constantly forgave me and he’s the only one working on this relationship..
During our last fight, he went through my WhatsApp conversation with a one of my best girlfriend and accused me of not respecting him simply because I told her I was scared he might say something to our parents that could ruin everything and that I am tired.
Then, a week before I was supposed to move out, he came back home and told me that if I wanted things to get better, I would need to apologize, try harder, go to my therapist, and also start to take medication…! :)
What really broke me, I accidentally came across a conversation between him and one of his former colleagues and they were flirting. He was saying he was sad, she offered to be there for him during his difficult time, and he replied that he would love to see her because he loves seeing her aaaand he made sure he constantly deleted all their conversation and told me because he wasn’t talking to her since a long time :) .. When I confronted him, first he said he hasn’t spoken with her for a year, then when he knew I read it.. he apologized and said I had misunderstood the conversation.
I’m tired as fu... This is all too much for me, and I honestly feel like he doesn’t even understand why I’m leaving.

If they can't attach properly, I guess we'll never be remembered for what we did? Feels like we died.

Ive been scrolling and watching vids n stuff and a common thing i see is that they come back. I was the dumpee in my case. I'm just curious if she'll ever come back because I've been blocked from everywhere and I do have a lot to say to her. She's a good person who's got a lot of friends too (only a few she considers close) and she's rlly sweet and kind too (NOT a man-eater) so i hope she's not thinking along the lines of "oh im such a monster, i hurt him so badly" because she has had thoughts along the lines of 'im such a broken person' before.

Me urge tener un grupo donde pueda compartir lo que estoy viviendo, tengo 20 años de casado, mi matrimonio ha sido muy complicado muchas temporadas de terapia todas terminan en lo mismo, regresamos al origen, estoy exhausto hace una semana la terapeuta me mencionó el término tlp lo busqué y es la radiografía exacta de mi esposa, por fin alguien se atrevió a darme un diagnóstico, ahora que hago??? Por fin veo que todo lo que he vivido es real??? No fui yo imaginando cosas y tratando de resolver algo sin solución. Necesito con quien expresarlo. Me siento sumamente solo.

Do pwBPD discard and monkey branch? She became a different more callous & cold blooded person almost over night. 3 years together, spent helping raise her son, and then boom now she’s sleeping with this stand up comedian and I’m the enemy. I moved out immediately and have only seen her two times in public. Both times she turned the other way, very childish if you ask me.

But everything from the sex bombing to always being the victim/zero accountability to monkey branching/always having guys in line.. sounds like maybe she has BPD

I’m so glad i didn’t have a child with her, she really wanted one

i bet he's thinking

So I am on the final stages of a relationship with my BPD partner. We have been kinda broken up for a bit over two months. Daily texting but not seeing each other.

I am in therapy, and my therapist won't say 'end it' but he keeps hoping it ends (he is great).

I've read these posts and marveled at how similar all the situations are...and the advice is always the same 'end it'.

Yet there is this part of me...this nagging hope...that maybe just maybe she can come around and it can be like it was at the start. That maybe she is BPD-lite and that she will figure it out and come around. I find myself making all these excuses for her. I’ve even tried to be mean and she won't go...she just leaves this little tether of hope and is slowly killing me.

How do you all get over that? I am really struggling. I have not gone no-contact, but I am trying. We still have a bit of an intertwined life for the next several weeks so full non-contact is impossible in the near term. I've set personal boundaries regarding no more help. Her life is going to get meaningfully harder on her own and it is just so tragic and painful to watch someone you love make choices that are so clearly driven by her BPD... but the thing is only the BPD can save themself.

I'm really struggling because she did nothing wrong except have an extinction burst when I stated my firm boundary of minimised communication. I could've easily stayed a little longer. But there were issues but nothing dramatic like verbal abuse. She's only ever been sweet and flirty and caring to me. She pleaded alternatives and to try and make it work. At the end of the breakup call she just silently accepted it, and I blocked her on everything. I was extremely numb the whole time after crying for the whole week prior knowing what had to be done. I'm extremely guilty and am fighting the urge to unblock her and say how impulsive and cold my decision and execution of the breakup was, I feel like I made a huge mistake driven by gut feelings that could've been misleading and driven by tireless possibly misguided research into quiet BPD. I'm lost and lonely with no support, it feels like coming off a horrible addiction.

My exPWD recently had a psychological evaluation after being diagnosed with bpd before their current evaluation “cleared” them as not having no symptoms or underlying issues for bipolar and bpd, even though they acknowledged the past diagnosis.. Is this accurate? How trustworthy is this evaluation?

I am at the very beginning of my healing journey. I feel like one of the worst times for me is at night; my thoughts start racing, I'm replaying conversations and moments, I feel like I can't breathe, can't sleep, can't think straight or trust my own memories or feelings. Is that common? How have you dealt with this if you have felt this way too? I just want to sleep through the night again...