Hi everyone! I'm Jasmine, a Master's student at UCL/Anna Freud. I'm currently recruiting for a research study on the experiences of autistic adolescent girls, aged 13 to 18, who regularly play videogames.

The flyer provides more information about the study and what participation involves, so please take a look at that!

If you are interested in applying, please fill out this form and we will try and get back to you ASAP: https://forms.cloud.microsoft/e/LePSciwqKV

My AUDHD daughter is 16. She is extremely intelligent, academically, but still lacks social maturity (severely awkward) and basic motor skills. I don't say this to demean her, just being real. I'm very similar. I am clumsy AF/AUDHD. She doesn't explore a social life and prefers being home. I have gently tried to nudge her into spending time with the small circle of friends she has made at a small school with others, mostly just like her. It was a dream to find a school that was suitable for her to be more social after years of trying.

I am seeking advice because we are at the age of driving. I feel her lack of motor skills and general approach/lack of knowledge to the outside world will make her a very nervous driver. She is often anxious and nervous. She rarely does walks on her own and has no general sense of direction currently. I wouldn't trust her to navigate to the store 2 blocks away on her own. It's not for lack of trying to get her out there. My son is the exact opposite and knows his way around the whole city. Anyway, my personal opinion is that she shouldn't yet drive, but I could be wrong.

With this community of likeminded/similar people, I'd like opinions. Could I just be overprotective and coddling, or do my concerns seem factually grounded? I do not want to hold her back but I also don't want her out there when she is not ready and potentially get into an accident. We do live in a large city with often heavy traffic.

Have you been in this situation as an AUDHD teenager or are a parent who has? Any advice/insight? Thank you in advance. This sub has been very helpful to read for many things. ❤️

The reason why I am making this post is because I had couple of men who told me that my autistic and adhd traits make me more approachable. They told me that I am naive and easy to mess with and one guy in particular enjoyed messing with me. Another guy told me that he liked that I am submissive and I should just be a submissive housewife since I will likely have trouble finding or keeping a job according to them. Overall, I had men tell me that autistic and other disabled women make them feel “manly” and they enjoy being the “hero.” I don’t know how to feel about this and whether I should see that as a red flag or if I should simply make them feel “manly” by having them “take care” or “provide” for me. I am aware that autistic people both men and women have an astronomically high unemployment rate. As a woman especially, it is very concerning when women being financially dependent on their boyfriends or husbands put them in vulnerable situations. Being a neurotypical woman is already hard enough given that we live in a patriarchal society, being an autistic as a woman just adds extra layer to getting exploited by men who choose to be with us for the wrong reasons. For some reason, I don’t feel comfortable with the “protective” energy from those men.

I'm stressing out right now because my colleague is off for the next two weeks and they just assigned me a bunch of tasks, including MULTIPLE phone calls.

In theory, I know how to make a phone call, I've done it for myself many times, much to my dismay, but this will be my first time having to call a client to tell them to pay their bills :(((((

I asked them in the past to show me how they do it but every time we get swamped with work and they end up doing the calls when they were working from home. I overheard maybe one call from a past employee but only in English. I need to call these clients in French and my French brain isn't as fast thinking as my English brain.

Guys im so stressed about this i've been putting it off since Monday. I started writing a script but I also dont have the time to fully prepare because theres a million other things that need to be done

Anyone have any advice for how to ask a client to pay their invoice? like what if they get angry?

maybe i just noticed it recently, but my friends have been bullying me. my friends don’t know im recently diagnosed autistic at 22, though they probably suspect. i’m not a sensitive person, im pretty light hearted and have taken on a lot of teasing and ostracizing because the insults would fly over my head. i have been sitting and thinking about my social interactions over the last few years and realized how many of the things said to me were slight insults or digs from both new acquaintances and old friends. it has made me depressed recently.

i know many of us have experienced a group kinda turning on you and making you the target of jokes for the day. well this was becoming a daily occurrence and i was always the target. one person in the friend group made a habit of pointing out my poor social skills, eccentric behaviors, and interests and now the other two in our chat of four have joined her. they started making fun of me for always ordering the same meal/drink at restaurants, the bands i listen too, and the youtubers i watch. any time i’d even open the chat they’d say “here comes ms. sprite” because i always order sprite. it got to a point where i really couldn’t say anything without being laughed at, both in person and over text. i have voiced frustration over this, and it’s been ignored.

well, about 2 months ago, i voiced an opinion about a social norm and got completely shut down and ridiculed. it was so stupid (i said i thought it wasn’t cool to like instagram stories anymore, and i was genuinely wondering because i don’t know what’s cool/acceptable or not. that’s literally all). now it might be on me bc i can never tell when people are joking. the reaction was honestly just over the top and ridiculous to me. just making jabs at my character saying i’m being negative and taking things too seriously. mind you, these are the most negative people i know!! everything said in the chat now is complaining or insulting. so i muted everything and have not responded.

no one has reached out to me individually since except for one phone call, which i did not answer because i was busy. i tried to speak to them all on a group call but i felt like i was being interrogated. they said “we thought it was because we bullied you, but that’s surely not the case, right?”, making me feel like i couldn’t say YES THAT IS EXACTLY THE CASE so i just said “well…” and they moved on. i can still see their messages, and its been them saying they can’t believe i left, but no one has texted or called since. maybe im reading it wrong, but they seem mad to me, not very sad or remorseful, even though they kinda did come to the conclusion that they bullied me out of the chat. i’m supposed to go to a concert with 2 of them on halloween, so i guess i’ll talk to them then.

i know it was wrong to ghost and being avoidant doesn’t solve things, but it was straight up bullying and every interaction with them just left me frustrated, stressed, and sad. i don’t know if there’s anything i can do to fix our friendship besides either me being better at masking (which is sad to say) or them changing. both are unfair, but i think getting bullied into changing myself and enduring this treatment is more unfair. i don’t want to ghost them forever and i want to let them know why im upset with them, but i know it will lead me to fully let them back into my life. i don’t know what to say to them, i think they will be angry with me when i do finally say something. that’s mainly why ive been avoiding it.

TLDR; my friends bullied me for my autistic traits, so i stopped responding and they haven’t reached out. they don’t know i have autism. am i wrong for ghosting? should i talk to them? how?

Hi all, hope you are doing well!

Does anyone have any advice or personal experience you can talk of work sensory diets? I am wondering if this will help me at all with like mental fatigue and just really anything at all. Trying to set myself up for each day a bit better and create some kind of self care routine that works for my brain.

No Medical Advice Please: healthy coping mechanisms sought

How do you manage maladaptive daydreaming when trying to focus in lectures or when reading assigned texts/books?

It's also possible I am hyperlexic. Is there anything one can do to get past this when reading for school? Has anything worked for you?

Any well-regarded experts/sources on hyperlexia that are not directed at children or their parents?

Thank you.

I mean you, personally.

I get that it happens to everyone but I feel like I take it especially hard because I’m such a hopeless romantic. I hate this feeling of embarrassment when I was delulu and the guy isn’t on the same page.

What sort of things do you say to yourself to keep from spiraling?

I work at a retail store for women’s clothing, we’re all mostly in our early 20’s. I deal with situational mutism so it’s a struggle for me to talk anyways but every time I do, this one coworker mocks me. For example, one day the only word I said was “good” in response to someone asking me how I am and she mocked me. A couple days ago I got excited about seeing a puzzle and she mocked me in a nerd voice. Not really sure what to do and if I were to tell HR she’d just turn everyone against me. Any advice would be appreciated

Edit: Thank you for all your suggestions! 💗 I think I will be more direct about disliking her behavior as I don’t think ignoring her has been helping.

Boss says today as I’m departing, “See ya! Have a great weekend!” because it’s the end of everyone’s workweek except the Saturday person, who works a couple of hours in the morning, which is me.

“Oh, well I’m working tomorrow.”

Him, looking at me quizzically. “Right, and after that is the weekend.”

“Oh, yeah, thanks then!”

In and of itself this one interaction is NBD of course. But more often than not, I’m totally missing what they’re saying and am so out of sync, and it gets clocked and scrutinized and it’s so uncomfortable because I just will always stand out with these absurdisms my brain makes me say. Now take these interactions to the Nth power and what is this life.

I havent spoken to my mom in years, i literally have zero friends other than my fiance and i was one of the kids who rejected girly things as a kid so now at 25 i dress like im 12🥲 like how can i french braid or dutch braid or use the eight products to style?

I'm looking for ideas on where people like us can find and keep a job that won't suck the absolute soul out of us. Especially if we're starting later in life...I feel completely lost and it's draining my self-esteem

There are so many psychologists/therapists and types of therapy to choose from, and this can make it hard to know who to see.
The therapists might get good reviews because they are kind, good listeners, but are there types of therapies that have actually produced lasting results for you--as in a noticeable reduction in depression and/or anxiety that lasts longer than the interval between appointments?

We've seen a couple therapists, for years even, where it just did not feel like we were making progress.
We're also not big fans of all of the homework involved in DBT, even if we respect it as the best choice for others.

Please share what has worked best for you!

Thanks!

What kind of non-verbal language do you have? Do you look confident, proud, or do you have what we could define as a "beaten dog" look?

This term was given to me by my middle school classmates, during years of intense bullying and being targeted.

Once on the school bus, I was waiting for it to leave while looking out the window, and the driver said, "Nooo, don't start crying." I was simply minding my own business.

At a music festival years ago, I was with a guy, and another guy in his 20s walked past us and told me to give him a smile.

Last year, I walked into a bar and heard the bartender say, "Come on, give me a smile." Out of frustration, I left them a negative review on Google.

A few days ago, I walked into a pizzeria I frequent often, and one of the people there asked me, "Are you sad?"

I am a woman in my 30s and this shit makes my blood boil. I'm a people pleaser and insicure to react. What should i do? Why are men like this?

I think I’ve always instinctively known this one, but I thought I’d share it because I’ve only really spotted other people doing it recently.

Basically if you’re talking at length, and the other person is going “yeah” “yeah” “yeah” “yeah” quickly (like every two seconds), it often means that they want you to wrap your story up and stop talking. 

I’ve also noticed that I subconsciously do this when someone is monologuing at me and I want them to quit talking.

It’s kinda amusing/awkward witnessing it. For example I witnessed it happening between my dad and his sister (he was talking at length about something) and she kept going “yeah” “yeah” “yeah” because she wanted him to shut up lol

Anyway, I thought I’d share!

I see a lot of anecdotes online from girls who had a friendship or romantic relationship end, and the other party panics and does desperate or over-the-top stuff to save it and make amends. I realized recently that I have absolutely been the desperate party in this situation but I’ve literally never been in the other position. I have literally never, ever, had anyone, even family, apologize profusely in that way where they’re desperate to have me back in their lives. I am always the one making the concessions just so I can keep people around (I’ve literally had to spend money I couldn’t really afford to part with just to keep certain family members liking me - and their behavior is enabled by their circle).

Now, I’m going to assume that some of these stories may contain a small to moderate degree of exaggeration but even just the fact that the gesture occurred in the first place is alien to me.

In fact, I have often fallen all over myself apologizing, begged for forgiveness, and/or pretty much debased myself just to salvage a relationship, but I always get the sense they’re just kind of relieved to be rid of me? Like, I was kind of annoying or in some other way not meeting their criteria, but there was never anything they could cite to as a justifiable reason for termination until The Event™️ so when The Event™️ finally occurs it’s almost like they seem…relieved? In other words, it feels like they know that it’s not socially acceptable for them to tell me that they find my neurological deficits fucking weird and annoying, so they just sort of wait for another out.

Has this happened to anyone else? For reference I’m 37 and this is a pattern I’ve observed since literally kindergarten when the first serious social fracture occurred. I’m a little desensitized to it socially but romantically it still hurts like hell. I was just wondering if anyone experienced something similar.

I have a writing assignment where I have to discuss a part of my life experience. I know I could write well about being autistic, but I'm hesitant to disclose. Does anyone have experience or suggestions about how to write about autistic experience/identity/traits while never saying you're autistic?

I'd like to write about how I've adapted to difficult traits (ex non intuitive social skills), strong points (ex pattern tracking, intense focus), and overall how these make me a better student/professional. But now I'm lost how to frame/connect/approach these traits without the clear autism category/theme.

I wanted to share a bit of advice that has truly changed my life with regard to my health, wellbeing, and confidence.

I have struggled most of my life with exercising. As soon as any activity became even a bit uncomfortable or exhausting, I would feel overwhelmed with the sensation. Exercising was full of sensory icks, especially sweating. At first I tried using the treadmill while watching videos, but over time I felt I could not distract myself enough from my body’s sensations. The gym became something I dreaded and avoided.

This all changed when I first attended a dance exercise class (specifically Zumba) with a friend who invited me. As someone who associated exercise (especially dance— hello, childhood dance class bullying!) with a certain type of person I didn’t align with, I was immediately impressed with how diverse the class was. People of all ages, abilities, and ethnicities were present. Not everyone got the moves right, but everyone was having fun. I allowed myself to get immersed in the music, and soon noticed I actually ENJOYED how it felt to move my body in new, creative ways.

Before, there had been a disconnect between my mind and body. I tried in vain to distract myself from what I was actually doing. Connecting exercise with something I have always deeply loved, music, allowed me to associate movement with joy, creativity, and fun. It also presented a challenge that required both body and mind to be engaged in; following a routine that is fast and moderately complex honestly feels like solving a puzzle with your body!

I still feel sensory overwhelm sometimes, but I have found an activity with benefits that greatly outweigh the cost. Obviously dance is not for everyone, but I encourage you all to find a physical activity that you truly enjoy that involves your mind and body. It can be a stim (movement that feels good/regulating) or involve a special interest (music for me). Many people think that fitness means exclusively running or weightlifting. On the contrary, studies show people are more likely to stick with an exercise if they actually have fun.

If you do want to try a dance class, there are many different types of classes that are taught at many gyms and community centers. The most options at the most affordable/accessible prices will likely be at the YMCA or a college campus. Don’t be afraid because the atmosphere is incredibly positive, and no one judges if you need an accommodation (wearing headphones, modifying the moves, leaving early, etc). I recommend going in person as it makes it easier to stay accountable to your goals and you can meet others. However, if you really don’t want to leave the house, you can find thousands of tutorials on YouTube. Literally, if there’s a song you like that’s at least somewhat popular and fast paced, someone has probably choreographed it!

Let’s all move our bodies! It really does have so many physical and mental health benefits!

Being a girl with Asperger’s is exhausting, and the noise of the world just makes it worse. I can’t tune anything out. and I wear some passive earplugs sometimes. I got back on disability because 40hr a week some times more than 40hr a week Job was to much to handle. Life has not gone the way I had hoped, I saw myself being more successful at this point in life. I thought I was going to keep my Job longer than I did. And I just thought I’d have more motivation than I do

I think there’s something wrong with me :( I can’t have normal friendships and end up attracting the wrong people. A friend I made last year turned out to only want something from me. She keeps asking me out only to try to sell me scam things. I can’t believe I didn’t see through her but my sister did. I want to distance myself from her but at the same time I’m thinking about being friendless in the country I’m living in.

It’s so hard to make friends as an adult when everyone has their own circle or best friend. I am so jealous with envy at the things they get to do together.

I really think it’s a character flaw of mine because of autism and my inability to be social and outgoing.

Wondering if anyone can relate, especially if you live with a partner. I (24F) just moved into my first apartment with my boyfriend (25M) and I’m finding the adjustment hard. Since my diagnosis I’ve been in therapy and have been working really hard on being kinder and more patient with myself, rather than pushing myself to function the way I think I should. One of the things I’ve found really helpful is talking to myself in my head in a gentle way. For example “you’re doing really well” when I’m finding something difficult, or narrate things happening around me like “look, there’s the train". I also say good morning and goodnight to my stuffed animals which brings me a lot of comfort.

This really contrasts with the version of myself I put across to people outwardly. I’ve actually been going out and socialising more since moving, because at this point I’ve had so much trial, error and practice at navigating social situations that these days I often come across as the most outgoing and confident out of the group of people I’m with. I can also hold down a job and appear really confident at work. But then I come home and have to treat myself like a child, walk myself through my routines, or completely crash.

The ways I need to regulate myself and feel secure seem so childish in comparison to how I want to come across in particular to my boyfriend. He's very patient, but I feel like he already has to deal with so much of my weirdness that I'm worried he's going to think he's made a mistake because I'm high-maintenance and need so much reassurance, comfort and predictability to feel stable.

So recently, I saw my dad's family. I have not seen them in a few years, so they were all glad to see me. It was a bunch of my cousins, aunts and uncles. I am really close with one of my aunts. When I see people I have not seen in a long time, I am usually really quiet, unsure of what to say. I'm just quiet, in general, often running out of topics to discuss with family members. My mom and dad used to hug me often when I was younger. However, I prefer when they don't. This doesn't mean I am not close with my parents. I stay at their house every weekend, but I don't hug my mom every time I leave. She will sometimes give me a hug when I leave. I think it's not as awkward with her, because I am really close with my mom.

I am not the first person who steps forward and tries to hug someone. I don't even think about it. I will hang back. I prefer not to be touched, not because I am not affectionate. My aunt gave me a big hug when she came over to our house. I have missed talking to her and she was someone who always took care of me when I was a little girl. So other than my parents, she's a person I can have deep conversations with, that I trust. But I can't describe the anxiety I get when another person is trying to hug me. I even dislike someone putting their arm around my shoulder. I can have deep conversations with someone when I am having a difficult time.

However, I just like my space and I've always been this way. As a child, I didn't mind being picked up or hugged by my mom or another family member. Now, that I am older, I prefer not to be hugged. But I don't want to be rude. So despite the discomfort, I will allow a family member to hug me. I let my cousins hug me as well. My aunt hugged me when she arrived and when she left. I also met some new people at the house and got hugged by one of them as they left. When I don't know a person at all, that's even more uncomfortable.

I don't think I will ever get used to it. One time, I was leaving my apartment. My neighbor, an older lady who is very friendly, saw me and greeted me with a hug. That was awkward, but again, I just let her hug me. I don't really talk with people about how uncomfortable I am being hugged. I did share this with my therapist. I felt if I said this to my parents, they would think it's weird. I can't be the only one. I am shy and reserved. But this doesn't mean I don't care deeply about people in my life and know they care about me

NHS therapist said i dont need it because i have been in a slightly better mood than the last time i spoke to her. I don’t have any “raw material” / fucking bad situations to talk about so I don’t need therapy.

I kept asking her what am I supposed to do then because she hasn’t given me anything to help cope she just keeps asking me to do introspection and tell her my thoughts.
All she keeps repeating is that because i don’t have any “raw material” there’s no point in the therapy .

I don’t fucking understand why the only two options for help is therapy or antidepressants and why do I have to make the decisions on what’s best for me. If I knew what was fucking best for me i wouldn’t even need therapy. She wouldnt answer me just kept telling me to discharge myself.

First time ive ever cried from therapy. So frustrated idk how to help myself if nobody wants to help me. I feel so lost bruh.