r/AutismInWomen • • Sep 09 '24

Mod Post How Reddit Works: Sitewide Rules, Mods vs Admins, and other Important Info & Links

26 Upvotes

Reposted to make title clearer since titles cannot be edited on Reddit.

Reminder: DO NOT POST OR COMMENT CALLOUTS FOR OTHER SUBREDDITS OR USERS. This breaks Rule 1 of Reddit Rules and we cannot allow subreddit callouts per Rule 3 of Reddit’s Mod Code of Conduct. No matter how we feel about these rules, we are all still bound to follow them. Reddit Admins can and do punish mods and users equally for sitewide rule infractions aka violating Reddit Content Policy.

Scroll down for links to Reddit Rules, the admin definition of brigading, Mod Code of Conduct, and the Redditor Help Center.


It has come to our attention that outside of the basics (voting, how to report, posting/commenting), many people are still in the dark as to how exactly Reddit works.

Firstly, moderators, like us, only have power (a limited scope at that) and jurisdiction over the subreddits we mod and what happens on them. We cannot do anything about what happens outside of here. We don’t have a direct line of access to Reddit Admins, who control and oversee the site as a whole. In fact, we can only do the same things y’all can do in trying to get their attention on things: report it and wait. We, like you, often don’t get responses from admins regarding their decisions or even if they have viewed any reports we send in. We are the same in that capacity. Subreddit bans only prevent people from posting and commenting on the subreddit they were banned in for however long the ban is for. You can still vote in and view subreddits you are banned in. We can’t even see who reports what.

Also, if you don't report it, we don't see it. This subreddit is large. Please report things that you think break our rules, Reddit Rules, or you just want us to look at because it's iffy.

Admins are like gods of Reddit. They oversee all; they can see who votes what, who views what, who reports what, everything. They can suspend people from the website as a whole which prohibits someone from posting, commenting, and even voting on the entirety of Reddit for however long said suspension lasts. They can even suspend specific IP addresses from users who keep making accounts and breaking Reddit sitewide rules.

Here’s an analogy: Reddit Admins are the Roman Gods and we moderators are like members of the Roman Senate or mayors of towns. Members of the Roman Senate don’t have a direct link or direct way to communicate to the Roman Gods; they have to make offerings and prayers just like everyone else to try to catch their attention. It’s the same here. All we mods can do is make reports just like you all and hope someone looks at it. We can do nothing about what happens to you outside of Rome (the subreddit). That’s up to the admins.

We are bound by the Reddit Mod Code of Conduct to nip any activity that breaks, or could be interpreted as breaking, Reddit’s site-wide rules in the bud. Due to this subreddit having been previously in trouble with admins because of the founder not doing these things and getting booted and admin putting us 3 in place as new mods over a year ago with the express statement of “we will be watching you closely”, we really don’t take any chances when it comes to people breaking Content Policy. We just can’t risk it because that means we could be actioned and the subreddit could be sanctioned or shut down. We prioritize the community as a whole over any personal feelings we or others might have; that’s just how it has to work for this community to thrive and survive.

The proper course of action for when something happens to you or you see something that breaks sitewide rules is to report it to the admins via www.reddit.com/report or via the offending content itself and wait. Trying to call others out publicly technically breaks Reddit Rules under the harassment rule no matter the reason, and like we said above, we can’t allow it due to the ramifications it can have on the subreddit as a whole even if we personally agree what happened was messed up and the other person should be held accountable in some way.

Moreover, do not create or use an alt account to participate in a subreddit you have been banned in on another account. Reddit tracks this and views it as ban evasion which is prohibited as it is community interference (you were banned which means they don’t want you participating there for whatever reason is outlined in your ban message). You should contact the mods on the account you were banned on to see if you can get unbanned by demonstrating accountability and understanding of how you broke the rules and a willingness to follow the rules.

---- Relevant Links ----

Reddit Rules: https://redditinc.com/policies/reddit-rules

What even IS brigading? (Rule 2 of Reddit Rules): https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/cmp9uy/comment/ew4lpf0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Mod Code of Conduct, so you all are aware of the rules we as mods have to follow as well: https://www.redditinc.com/policies/moderator-code-of-conduct

Redditor Help Center for any further questions: https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/p/redditor_help_center

--- Note ---

This post was made in response to the subreddit growing and us becoming more aware of the fact many people do not know these things and just assume moderators are also Admins of Reddit as a whole or have way more power than we actually do. We don’t. In the eyes of Admin, we are basically volunteer clean-up crew and are the same level of importance as a regular user on Reddit. We don’t get paid, we don’t get any extra benefits or anything either (as it should be imo, mod out of love for the community not because of anything else). Admins are employees of Reddit that get paid for working and only work on the clock then go do whatever they want off it. We moderate on and off all day; in between our actual jobs, chores, and life responsibilities. It is impossible for us to be online all the time and to be constantly scrolling the subreddit. I hope this helps clear some things up for anyone confused as to what the differences are between mods and Admins and provides people with a way to research more about how Reddit works on their own as well.

If you have any questions or anything you're still confused about please modmail us via the "message the mods" button on the sidebar and someone will answer it when they can.


r/AutismInWomen • • Sep 09 '24

Mod Post Internet Safety: Reporting Creepy DMs and Changing your User Settings to prevent unsolicited messages

66 Upvotes

It has come to our attention that there is an uptick of predatory lurkers sending private messages to members of this subreddit and people that participate here. Unfortunately, due to the fact we are moderators and not Reddit Admins, there is pretty much nothing we can do to stop it other than give you information and advice for how to report it and prevent it yourselves.

Most importantly, you should immediately block people who message you strange, creepy, or uncomfortable things and report them via www.reddit.com/report or via the DM itself. If you report via the web link, all you have to do is copy and paste the DM link as the Reddit Admins can see everything that happens on the site and have power and jurisdiction over everyone with an account on Reddit. We as subreddit moderators only have the power to ban people from the subreddit and banning them does not prevent them from being able to message people who participate here.

To report via the Chat itself: On PC/desktop, when you mouse over the chat message(s) there is a flag option. Click that and follow the reporting procedure. On the app, tap and hold on the message(s) to bring up the report option. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

To report via the Message Inbox: On mobile, tap the 3 dots (ellipses) on the side of the message thread. There you can copy the link and report the whole message inbox thread via www.reddit.com/report. You can also report specific messages by going into the message thread and tapping and holding the specific message you want to report to see the option come up. On PC, you can just click the “Report” option that shows under each message in the thread. After you report, immediately block the person messaging you. You can block them straight from their profile.

Recommended: It is recommended that everyone that is a participating member here turn off the ability for other users to send them chats and message requests. You will still be able to send chat requests and message requests to others whose settings allow them. Other people that you have not whitelisted will not be able to send them to you. You can only whitelist people via PC/desktop but people who you already have open chats and messages with will be automatically whitelisted.

Turning off chats/message requests on PC: Click your avatar on the top right. From there, go to the settings option. Once there, go to the Privacy tab. First, slide the “Allow People to Follow You” button to be in the “Off” position where it is over to the left side otherwise people will be able to literally stalk you on Reddit. Next, click on “Who can send you inbox messages” and change it to “People I choose”. You can whitelist people who you want to allow to send you messages. This just stops randoms from being able to message you via the message inbox. Then, click on “Allow chat requests from” and change that to “Nobody”. Again, the whitelisted folks from before will still be able to chat with you or people who you already have an open chat with. I also recommend you switch off everything under the “Discoverability” section as people will also be able to search up your account directly unless you turn it off. Mine is off because I don’t see any non-weird reason why someone would want to search up my account.

Turning off chats/messages on the app: Tap on your avatar on the top right then tap on “Settings” shown at the bottom. From there, tap on your account name to go to the account settings. Scroll down until you see the “Safety” section. Tap on “Chat and messaging permissions”. Change both “Chat Requests” and “Direct Messages” to Nobody. You will still be able to message people who you already have open messages with and those whose settings allow for it; other people just won’t be able to message you unless you message them first. I also recommend you slide the “Allow people to follow you” option into the off position where the large white circle is to the left. Under privacy, I also recommend you swipe the “show up in search results” one to the off position as well. You can also customize your ad settings on this page as well to your preference.

That’s it. As a reminder, if someone messages you unsolicited, they are most likely seeking something from you other than genuine friendship and you should probably not respond. At the very least, go check out their Reddit profile and history. If it’s empty, block them. They are likely a troll, a creep, or someone with bad intent. Someone who genuinely wants to connect with you and be friends will have a history on Reddit that shows that they are a nice person. They will have comments on this subreddit and probably some other autism subreddits too. Their history will show them interacting with others on Reddit in good faith making genuine bids for human connection. If someone’s history indicates them trolling and getting into a lot of online conflicts, they are probably not someone you want to be talking to as they will, at the very least, be intensely draining to talk to, and at worst, be trolling and harassing you.


r/AutismInWomen • • 7h ago

General Discussion/Question Is anyone else never getting any sexual attention?

174 Upvotes

All I hear from both genders is how extremely easy men are, how they would hump a vaguely butt-shaped treetrunk too, how every woman could get infinite amounts of sex effortlessly if she wanted to, etc.

Welp my experience has been the exact opposite lol As an adult, I got exactly zero interest. Even when I casually interacted with guys in uni, none of them initiated anything, if anything they seemed put off. The only ones who want something are very old alcoholic weirdos who usually smell bad. Idk where people find these men who would allegedly climb any consenting woman.


r/AutismInWomen • • 16h ago

Special Interest Today is Winnie the Pooh's 100th birthday!

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623 Upvotes

Pooh is a special interest of mine and I love him very much and I wanted to share that special interest with you all 🐻🍯💛

My collection is small but I love what I have and I love Pooh. I have the Royal Mail stamps coming too! A framed set and the bound special book that I can add to my shelf!

Ps. The two poohs next to each other are the same! The first was given to me in the hospital when I was born, he lost his honeypot years ago but I adore him. And next to him is the original from 1996 in perfect condition 🥹


r/AutismInWomen • • 20h ago

Seeking Advice Anyone else automatically fold/peace-keep and realize your actual feelings hours later?

1.2k Upvotes

I wanted to ask about a specific pattern I’ve been noticing as a newly diagnosed high-masking autistic person (Level 1). I know the spectrum is huge and everyone is different, but I'm still trying to fully understand my diagnosis and figure out how much of this behavior is linked to high masking and fawning or is just my personality. I also grew up in a household with a parent who id walk on eggshells with so im sure this is a factor too.

​When I read about autistic people being very outspoken, blunt, or strong in their opinions, I struggle to relate because my default mode in everyday life is the complete opposite. I automatically try to keep the peace, diffuse tension, and make sure people are happy with me.

​Ive began to realise i often don't even know what my genuine opinion or feelings are. The weird thing is I can debate bigger stuff like politics pretty easily, i feel very engaged and real but in day to day situations ive noticed im saying things i dont really mean, im saying what people wanna hear and im not fully present in the conversations. Sometimes i catch myself in a coversation saying things idk if i even mean. Even if its a low stakes conversation with someone im pretty comfortable with. Its like im checked out of the conversation and on autopilot so i feel like im being quite disingenious.

Im also unable to push back, sometimes i only realise after the fact i had a right to be upset or annoyed cause i only considered other peoples feelings.

​How do you start unlearning this and getting in touch with your actual opinions in real-time?


r/AutismInWomen • • 7h ago

General Discussion/Question I find CBT/ACT unhelpful and wonder if other people feel the same way and if it is because i am autistic

108 Upvotes

I did CBT, specifically ACT and found it quite unhelpful. I am now on the waitlist for a different modality (systemic) and meanwhile reflecting why and what was so unhelpful about CBT.

What i learnt in CBT therapy:

- differentiating between helpful and unhelpful thoughts

- checking if a fear is legitimate or not

- trying to just not go into an emotional situation like an argument but stepping away before

- monitoring the body for stress signals

- integrating lots of mindfulness

What i find so unhelpful about it is that this very rational approach just doesn‘t work for me. I don’t have phobias about unrealistic things but about unlikely things. But even if i think „it is not helpful to worry about the 5% chance of xyz happening“ i will still feel it and it is very draining.

Being mindful is also not so helpful for me because i am not stressed due to not taking breaks, i am not taking breaks due to too many stressors that are out of my control. I am already at my limit of adapting my life and handling situations.

I feel like i 100% know what about a situation is stressful to me, i know how i could change it, but in practicality i just don’t manage because then i would be busy and stressed about that 24/7.

I noticed that as an autistic person, or in general, there are usually 3 options: push through, adapt, or avoid. And adapting has the best outcome but also takes up a lot of time and effort. So I don’t need a therapist constantly asking about adapting because i am doing it as much as possible.

I hope this made sense.

Tl,dr: CBT/ACT feels like someone telling me to simply do stuff that is really not possible for me and made me feel more helpless, wondering about similar/different experiences


r/AutismInWomen • • 3h ago

General Discussion/Question What are some stupidest things you've done because you can't read the room?

49 Upvotes

There are two things that haunt me, both wedding related

I live in a very catholic country so I'm used to the catholic rules. One thing that I always thought is unfair is that it doesn't allow divorces, while many protestant churches do. So the first (and only) time I had a chance to attend a protestant wedding, I couldn't stop thinking about it for some reason. And during the ceremony, the pastor said something about God helping them be together till they die. And I was so focused on the fact that they're allowed to get divorced, i asked a guy (also protestant) why did he say it when they can get divorced. He was a little awkward about my question and said something like "yeah...but you know you still hope they'll be together forever". It hit me recently, years after that wedding, how weird it was for me to ask that 😭

Another one was at a catholic church, a typical old one with a big organ at the back above the entrance. During the wedding, the groom (who I barely knew, I only knew his wife) said something about his father, who's "up there" and gestured vaguely in the organ direction. I looked back and asked my friends "his dad plays the organ?" 🤦‍♀️ they ignored me and I only found out later that it meant his dad had passed away

Both of these situations keep me up at night


r/AutismInWomen • • 2h ago

Relationships Asked out my crush and got rejected in the kindest way

33 Upvotes

Decided to ask the guy I had a huge crush out by texting him "I tried asking you in person but I was on the verge of a heart attack so I had to ask you here. Do you want to go out with me?" LMAOO.

He responded "Come on that's a bit dramatic with the "on the verge of a heart attack" 😅. So, first of all thank you for the invitation but I will have to decline because at this moment I'm somewhere else (doesn't translate exactly into English). I consider it more right towards you and the other girl. Thank you thoughh😊"

I replied to his text calling me dramatic with "Sorry I haven't tried this before and I was worried I would embarrass myself in front of you again😂" and to the next ones "All good, I understand 😊 thank you for the honesty and politeness. See you and sorry if I brought you into an uncomfortable position ".

He replied "Hahhahah,there is no need" to the first one and added "Goodnight to you".

I thought that I would be more nonchalant about this since I didn't even expect him to reply or to reply something polite lol (or that's what I was telling myself🥲). I ended up crying even though he was so kind and respectful 😭. I felt sad not only about the rejection itself but because he proved that he was indeed a genuinely good guy and it wasn't my crush making him seem better than he is. I wished he would be a jerk to me so I could move on quickly lol. What hurts the most is that I will never see him again after a few days since my work there ends.

Naturally I was overthinking his reply and I wanted to discuss it with anyone🥲 or just in general feel free to share your thoughts


r/AutismInWomen • • 14h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) One of the most gut wrenching experiences as an autistic person

232 Upvotes

I always seem to do this whenever I start something new with a potential large social aspect eg college/uni. I seem to expect that I’ll actually make friends but then when I try I realise that I don’t actually enjoy making conversation and I just give up all together. I want friends and I like the idea but when it comes down to it I don’t have the energy/desire to actually talk to people. It’s so depressing and I just feel so ‘othered’ by not even wanting to engage with people. I want to want to socialise, if that makes sense? Does anyone else experience this?


r/AutismInWomen • • 14h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Does anyone else just feel like they don’t fit in anywhere?

177 Upvotes

45/F and just diagnosed last week. Even before my diagnosis I tried out a couple of support groups for late-diagnosed autistic adults. I simply couldn’t relate to any of the other autistic people. I just felt so different and isolated. And this is true in all aspects of my life, like work and the community band I play in. Everywhere I go I’m unable to really fit in and feel like I belong. I am so lonely for some kind of belonging or sense of community, but I honestly feel like that will never happen for me.

I’m especially interested in responses from other late diagnosed women (30s and older) who managed to find a community.


r/AutismInWomen • • 1h ago

Special Interest Hyper fixation on Protein bars

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• Upvotes

I tried a protein bar onces 2 months ago and now I’m hyper fixated on it I started hordering protein bars I legit dreamed already 7 times abt protein bars in these past 2 months and I minimum eat one a day before this I only had a hyper fixation on heights my whole life


r/AutismInWomen • • 12h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Kind Advice Welcome) Took almost 27yrs to realize it’s burnout

113 Upvotes

I’m 37 and only since turning 30 did I begin to recognize I have autism. Now I’m almost 37 and realizing that all these waves of suicidal ideations are because I experience burnout. Used to think I was bipolar cause I’d be so excited about things and then I’d crash out. Used to blame certain meds or think they’d stopped working. But no it’s all just autism.


r/AutismInWomen • • 3h ago

General Discussion/Question I hate how fucking isolating autism is

19 Upvotes

Marking this as discussion because I don't necessarily need comfort; just want to hear about others' experiences

Since I was a child as young as 3, I've always found it difficult to mesh with other people. I'd sit on my own and make beaded necklaces while other kids would sit in a circle and read together. While we had sing-alongs, I refused to hold hands or get close to anyone

Then everything got even more confusing and dizzying in primary school, because suddenly, it wasn't just "all the children". Now it was divided into "boys" and "girls"

Ya ever watched Mean Girls? Yea. It was like that. It was a mental warzone. You think a girl is your friend, but when you're gone she talks about your acne. She snickers when you sit down and your thighs squish together, because you don't have a thigh gap.

They all talk about "ooo what's your favorite colour?" It's a simple thing, but when you answer, they look at you funny, and continue as if you hadn't spoken a word

Because they know you're different. But what's different about you? You're like them. Just like any other girl. You like boba, glitter, plushies, you talk about boys you've got a crush on. And yet, you still feel so alien. If everyone's getting along, then... You must be the problem

You just need to try harder. So you pretend to like kpop, and you buy your first Black Pink photo card. You feel so excited because now you finally have something in common with the popular girls. But they never look at you, and that photo card collects dust in your glittery unicorn purse that's also collecting dust in your wardrobe

Some of the boys are still good to you, but the girls say you're male centered for it... and somehow you feel like this is proof that you're not woman enough

Now you're in a higher institute of learning, and everyone's already established their own little cliques

There are no more vacancies.somebody's already got their schoolbag on an empty chair, forget about it.

So you sit alone, and somehow, there's always a one-seat gap between you and the next person. You must be human repellant. But what are you doing wrong?

Somehow, you can talk to anyone and everyone, but nothing ever sticks. You will always wander alone because nobody even noticed you were there.


r/AutismInWomen • • 8h ago

Potentially Triggering Content (Kind Advice Welcome) Something horrible. I don't think I can handle having my dog anymore after he attacked my senior dog

46 Upvotes

Repost seeking advice. And I know this is controversial. I feel absolutely horrible. But I hope people here will maybe understand my emotions more

My senior dog (9yo female, medium) was suddenly attacked by my large male 6yo and I don't know why. They've lived together for 6 years, never had an aggression issue besides the male nipping and growling over food. But nothing like this. Both dogs seem to be acting normal and healthy. We have a new kitten but they've also always been around cats and never had an issue. I don't know what happened, or why. Last night he was sort of growling at her in their room. I thought it was weird but maybe they were just competing over the blanket so I put down another for them. Everything is fine the next morning. Then I come home from work and my dog has a hole in her face and drooling blood. There was no food out, nothing I can think that would cause this

I feel so guilty. I feel like the worst dog owner. Because how didn't I see this? How didn't I realize? To make it worse this unexpected injury completely drained what I had set aside for my vet funds. I think I'm going to need to get pet insurance but I don't know where to look. The question i don't want to think about but I think is ultimately the most important one is if I need to rehome him. I don't have the option of not working. I don't want to leave him outside all day and I don't really think I'm going to have the time or experience or energy or money to train him out of aggressive behavior especially something so unpredictable. I'm worried if he does this to one of my cats it's going to be a dead animal as he displays food aggression to them too. And even if he attacked another pet in front of me he's almost the same weight as me and strong as hell. I couldn't do anything to stop him. I don't know. I feel so hurt and upset and conflicted. I don't know where to go from here

I just don't think I can trust this dog now. I already had a bad experience of a roommate who had aggressive dogs that would corner me and my boyfriend. I don't want to live in constant stress. This dog has torn down gates, he's opened doors to get on trash, he's ripped wire off that was being used as a doorstopper, flipped over crates, etc. I just can not trust him even with crates or gates that it's going to keep them apart if he decides to get violent. I think he needs someone who's actually experienced and has the time to train and watch him full time. It sucks, but I'm at my wits end. I try to train him, and he somewhat is, and I try to get his energy out. But he's strong and stubborn and I don't have my parents supervising him during the day now that I moved out, it's just too much. I don't know. Just a vent and so much distress and I'm so tired

I hate this so much. It was so unexpected. I know how soiwtally wrong it is to rehome pets and it hurts me so deeply, but I need some advice and community here. Has anyone else ever had to do this? Rehome a pet because you just were not able to handle it? How did you cope with that? How did you make that decision?


r/AutismInWomen • • 1h ago

General Discussion/Question Late diagnosed, was there ever a point you thought you could make yourself “normal”

• Upvotes

I could not understand why I never fit in and thought if I feigned being social (masking) I could be like the others and it would all click one day. Looking back, what a waste of time. Like forcing a square peg into a round hole.

”Be yourself“… unless society hints that there’s something ”wrong” with you.


r/AutismInWomen • • 4h ago

General Discussion/Question Does Anyone Else "Feel" Time?

20 Upvotes

Not sure how to describe this exactly so I went with "feeling" time and I'm curious if others have experienced this or know what to call it.

I've noticed that I have a very strong sense of intuitive time. If I have to wake up early, I will set an alarm but my body will usually wake me up right before it.

If I get up in the middle of the night, I can usually tell what time it is generally, based on how tired I am, the lighting, how warm it is, etc. and I'm usually right within a half hour or so.

Sometimes it's the middle of the day and I've been busy and not keeping track of time at all, and right before I'll be like "eh it feels like it's probably right after one or something" and I'll check and it will be like 1:07.

The downside is that sometimes my body will over-panic in regard to time, so if I have to get up at 5am, body will say "let's make it 2 just to be safe!" But maybe that's the anxiety. 😹

Just curious if others experience this!


r/AutismInWomen • • 14h ago

General Discussion/Question Hate the noise of (Instagram/Facebook/Tiktok) Reels

96 Upvotes

What the title says.

My mom uses Facebook and she scrolls through many many short form videos and I hate hate hate it so much, the noise makes me so angry it makes me wanna explode.

The quick succession people speaking loudly, loud annoying music, stupid AI drama, people speaking loudly again but this time they wanna sell you something, loud music again, AI voiceover, fast paced video attempting to do ASMR with loud tappings and stuff*, etc etc, and so fast and always changing and changing, its intolerable for me.

(*I actually really enjoy ASMR videos in Youtube, ever since I was a teen, but their short video forms make me so angry, its too fast and loud)

It makes me so angry I wanna scream and cry and punch myself just so I can get the feeling out.

And I can't even complain about the noise, or the content because then I'll be the most insufferable person in the world, I can't simply erase short form videos from the face of the Earth forever and ever.

Anyone else hate it too? Maybe I'm "misophonic"?


r/AutismInWomen • • 9h ago

General Discussion/Question i think a lot of us don't brush our teeth now because we were traumatized at the dentist as a kid

34 Upvotes

i know for me, i had some really terrible experiences with both the dentist and the orthodontics.

edit: i guess i would like to add my experience. for me i didn't like the feeling of piggy gloved fingers prying open my mouth. they said my mouth was too small, so they extracted teeth so that the teeth would fit.

i liked my weird teeth. i used to try to scare my friends with them, they looked like vampire's. i liked looking at vampires because then i thought maybe my teeth were a good sign.

After the braces, which really hurt and it look so long, years, to get them off, my teeth were then called "beautiful". I didn't get to scare my friends anymore. And now even when people tell me I have beautiful teeth, I wonder if all of our experiences have been similar.

For those who did have a good experience, I am so glad! I think there are many people within the fields who are gifted, and do their best for kids. I think in many ways my dentist and ortho were also doing their best - it just was really a lot.


r/AutismInWomen • • 3h ago

Diagnosis Journey Received my formal diagnosis yesterday! (35F)

9 Upvotes

I feel like I finally have that last missing piece of the puzzle to who I am.

The psychiatrist particularly mentioned that it’s more difficult especially for adult women to get a formal diagnosis, and her paperwork was extremely detailed which I greatly appreciate. Hopefully I can finally get the accommodations I need!


r/AutismInWomen • • 4h ago

General Discussion/Question i can’t do the corporate laugh and it’s so interesting seeing it irl.

10 Upvotes

ok, this might be hard to envision but lock in twin.

let’s say you started a new job, and its induction day with the rest of your fellow new coworkers and your manager is showing you around the building. your manager cracks an awful ‘joke’, like idk- “oh we have to keep this door open all the time or else it gets so hot, and Amanda from downstairs will kill us!”. A laughter breaks out. It’s not a real laughter, it’s a mixture of a forced and nervous laughter from your coworkers, but your manager genuinely finds it funny.

HOW DO PEOPLE ACTUALLY LAUGH? I’m not trying to be a Debby downer- genuinely how? I can’t muster it. I can’t even time it right- (yes there’s a timing to it!! Do it too late and you look awkward.) let alone cough up a laugh. It’s even worse when the manager chooses you to fixate at, because now you just look like a grouchy woman who doesn’t know how to take a joke, when in all fairness? where’s the joke ??

Sometimes it can be kind of funny, i really hope this isn’t read as me being negative. It’s just one of those things i fear hints to others my neurodivergence, so i just stand there like a goofy mcgooberson with my face stuck like “😄?”.

Let me know if you guys have any corporate moments that make you go “😄Huh?😅”


r/AutismInWomen • • 1h ago

General Discussion/Question I finally figured out I can wear comfy clothes that are cute too?

• Upvotes

This feels like such a ridiculous thing to be writing in my mid 30s but I feel that some people might be able to relate maybe?

For context, I'm not diagnosed but fairly sure I am autistic. I want to go through the diagnosis process but right now getting access to ANY MH stuff is so much energy and I'm tired.

Anyway, the clothes. I have never really had a clothing identity like some people have. There have been times when I've dressed alternative, and times I've dressed a bit more typical of fashion trends to try and fit in, and eventually when I hit my 30s and I stopped being able to tolerate uncomfortable clothing and also attention, I settled on plain loose t-shirts and joggers/outdoor trousers.

The thing is, this doesn't feel like "me" and I finally just want to wear clothes I actually like and be comfy, but some of the brands I like the look of are so expensive new, and I can't justify the cost as someone who doesn't really like clothes and also who doesn't work right now (because of mental health. No partner or anything, so I really don't have a lot of spare cash).

So I went on a bit of a Vinted binge. I did that last year and actually didn't like most of the stuff I got and after not doing anything with it all for 6 months, it all went to charity.

This time I was more honest with myself about the patterns and colours I like and it has been a huge success! One or two things don't fit very well but everything else, I'm delighted with, and most of it is from those brands I can't afford. And it's comfortable! That's the biggest thing for me. For the first time in my life, I have some clothes that are both cute AND comfy!

I know this probably all sounds silly but I'm really happy. Like yes, I now need to do a big clothing sort out which is a pain but I finally have clothes that feel like "me"!


r/AutismInWomen • • 20h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) People don't talk about having the "bad autism" instead of the cute or socially acceptable version

166 Upvotes

Partial repost from a tangent I went on with another sub. But I wanted to post it here because maybe people will relate.

I live with my boyfriend, great guy who tries to do everything equal with me. He does all the yard work stuff and helps clean the house, buys or cooks dinner half the time and pays for half on groceries, half on rent and utilities, etc. He's also autistic but it manifests in different ways. I'm a total slob. I don't clean my craft stuff right away I throw my clothes in the corner, I don't wipe up after cooking right away. My stuff is cluttered and jumbled and unorganized. Because I don't have the energy to do it 90% of the time and I don't care that much about myself I guess. I finish cooking or get home from work and I sit or lay down and bam I'm basically dead. I just can not physically move myself to do it.

But I look over at him and everything he has is perfectly neat and orderly and clean and beautiful and I feel so so guilty. Because why can't I do that? I know it bothers him that I don't pick up after myself as often so why can't I do it? Why can't I just pull myself up from my boot straps and do it? He's just as stressed as I am but he at least suffers in a pretty way with obsessive cleaning. His version of autism wears gloves when he eats greasy foods and gets 12 different skin and haircare products. My version is not having the willpower to brush my teeth at night.

His version is being so completely in love with whatever new hobby or interest he's gained that it's sweet and he wears it on his sleeve unaware or afraid of judgement. Mine is not having the energy to do what I used to love and being afraid to share my interests for fear they'll be judged. His autism is being loved by all because he follows the rules to the point of humor. Mine is needing to understand everything and still falling short, still not being enough with my best effort. Only taking care of myself and doing hobbies so I'm not judged, so I'm something, so I matter. So people look at my talents and the state of my house and hygiene and say "_ you are a skilled individual and you are not worth nothing."

I find over and over that the only thing I willingly do and enjoy is sex or masturbating because it forces my stupid lizard brain to get happy immediately from the hormones. But even then there's the downside. Because rejection feels world ending and because it all feels like it was a waste of time. Like wow all the things I could have done and it was just that?

End of repost section. But do you relate? How do you cope with having the "ugly" side of autism? Especially seeing people who have a more socially appropriate version?


r/AutismInWomen • • 14h ago

Seeking Advice What is it going to take to find some SOFT UNDERWEAR >:(

46 Upvotes

I have OLD underwear that is comfy but the tags are worn off so I have no idea what material it is. I assumed 100% cotton would be a good bet because I have heard synthetic fabrics are itchy. So I first bought a pack of mens 100% cotton boxer briefs. I touch the fabric and immediately hate it. It feels itchy! I used to borrow my ex boyfriends boxer briefs all the time because they were so soft. His were hanes. So I bought hanes. But these were so stiff and not soft.

Okay hmm, so I buy womens boxer boy shorts 95% cotton, 5% elastane. These are labeled as "soft stretchy and breathable" I touch them and they feel ITCHY!

Not soft or breathable!

What is going on? What is the magic fabric I need to buy?

Is it possible these brand new underwear feel itchy and weird because they spray some weird substance on them when theyre brand new and I need to wash them before they feel soft?

I am scared to wash them and then make it so I cant return them.


r/AutismInWomen • • 5h ago

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) I absolutely hate physical touch and am terrified that I will die alone

8 Upvotes

My whole life, I have always hated being hugged, kissed, caressed, etc. It’s so stifling, and even when taking it at my own pace, just the texture of other people’s skin is so unpleasant.

I was talking to my therapist, who has said before that she disagrees with the autism diagnosis I got from a child psychologist 5 years ago at age 14/15. I told her how afraid I am that I’m going to die alone because of my aversion to physical affection. I explained how it’s not really a trauma response because the main component in it is texture, the same way I can’t stand wearing certain fabrics or eating steak. She said I might feel differently after finding the person for me, even though I absolutely love my family members and have still never liked being hugged by any of them.

It made me feel like there’s some pressure to be “fixed“ or “cured“. It keeps getting replayed in my head what will happen if I find “the one“ and still can’t stand being affectionate. I know lots of people find fulfillment through deep platonic friendship, but I have always dreamed of true love or whatever and still experience deep attraction, I just get overstimulated acting on it. But I know it would be as equally unfair to expect a person who isn’t aromantic or asexual to put up with me as it would for them to expect me to mask


r/AutismInWomen • • 4m ago

General Discussion/Question I'm so bad at analogies

• Upvotes

My therapist drew me a picture of healing and said that it's like I'm on one side of the ditch and I want to get to the other side but first I need to go into the ditch and climb up. And that will take work and effort and all that.

And I said "If I need to put in work and effort, why can't I just build a bridge? That might be more effort initially but now I can go freely and easily back and forth."

I just fundamentally don't get these analogies. If we're doing imaginary things anyway, I always feel like I come up with solutions that are more solution-y than what my therapist wants me to think.