Boyfriend of 5 years is telling me to apologize to him because I went outside with no bra.

As he was leaving the house to donate plasma he called me once he was already in the car to bring the dog in (I guess I did something that bothered him and my punishment was him not helping), at this point it’s afternoon closer to evening and so I do. 1 minute after call ended I’m outside grabbing the dog. He walks into our backyard and our neighbor comes out to grab their dog who quite honestly doesn’t let us enjoy our yard at all. They leave him outside all the time even if it’s against our lease and he barks at any time of the day. He doesn’t let my boyfriend smoke in peace and will be barking at him, and he will bark and try to rile up our dog all the time, he even scares my toddlers on their way to our car since their fence goes a little past ours along our driveway.

Well, I wasn’t expecting to see my neighbor and it’s honestly getting a bit annoying that I can’t take our dog out without having to see my neighbors come out to their backyard. They also killed one of their what would’ve been 3 dogs because they were keeping them outside all day in the summer where it was 110 degrees and still put that dog that’s always outside out like 2 days later…They’ve been irritating me for other reasons like letting their trash go into our driveway, they just brought a baby home not too long ago and I’m already finding empty wipe packages in our driveway, and trying to presume their property line crosses over into our property.

So anyway, my boyfriend says “you’re not wearing a bra?” Once we both get inside then leaves saying “I don’t even care anymore”. Then like 5 hours later says something about me having to apologize for going outside with a semi see through shirt where he could measure my areola if he wanted to. I did get uncomfortable when I saw my neighbor and put my arm covering over my chest. But I’m a mom of 3, 3 and under, youngest being barely 8 months and I had just finished my 8 hour shift WFH 2 hours prior.

Am I being an as***le for feeling bothered that he’s asking me to apologize? I’ve always felt like he’s been policing my body since we got together, he and his family shamed me out of wearing crop tops, but his SIL wears them all the time and no one tells her anything.

Update: he just came home with flowers saying they’re for our toddlers, then asked if I was wondering why. I said no not really they’re happy with the flowers that’s fine with me. Then said something about me basically flaunting myself to the neighbor, i laughed then said I don’t see why I have to apologize that he goes outside with no shirt no underwear just shorts, then he said that its different because he’s a guy and that I’ve said something about neighbors gf going outside once in a bra, and that if I don’t see anything wrong with that then he no longer sees anything wrong with him going on only fans to flirt for 3 consecutive days with a girl he went to college with and another girl to get free videos from them, he successfully got one from the other girl which I found saved in his files. (I was also in my 3rd trimester pregnant with our first at the time but didn’t find out till much later on), that I have “big boobs” and you could see everything…I said so me thinking I wouldn’t be seen is the equivalent of flirting with the neighbor? He said yes. Then said something about how I take no accountability. Not sure what to do about it atp, apologize?

Let me add, we’re both 25 if that matters

hey, 22f here and unfortunately I don’t have very good body genetics (regarding modern beauty standards) despite working out. No wide hips, no big thighs, no tiny waist…
So I was wondering, if you have a new partner with a not-so-ideal body, and you’re being intimate, do you compare it to your exes in your head? I really have been overthinking a lot recently.

My boyfriend [23M] and I [23F] have been dating for 3.5 years. We lived together for most of our relationship, and as far as I know, he’s never physically cheated on me. But I genuinely think he might have some sort of problem to looking at women online.

He constantly looks at women with extremely exaggerated BBL bodies. I’m talking about HUGE, almost unrealistic proportions, like SageTheSweetest type of BBLs. It’s basically soft corn. He searches for these women on Instagram, saves their pictures, and has been doing this throughout our relationship even though we are sexually intimate, like every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day and I’m FUN.

The thing is, these women look absolutely nothing like me.

I’m Latina, 5’2”, around 140 pounds, and my body is pretty proportional. I am curvy and I don’t think I’m ugly at all, and I’m not saying that because I’m insecure about how I look. But the women he constantly seeks out have these crazy, exaggerated proportions that I could never naturally have.

And the worst part is that he doesn’t even know I know he’s still looking at them.

Something else I find really weird is that I’ve mentioned wanting lip filler before, and he always tells me how disgusting he thinks it looks. But almost every woman he searches for has a CRAZY lip filler, huge BBLs, and obviously enhanced features. In addition, when I post a bikini picture, it’s a huge issue and I’m for “everyone” but he likes looking at other girls in bikinis. So how does that make sense?

I genuinely don’t understand how someone can be so sexually interested in one specific body type online but then date someone who looks completely different.

I know people can find different body types attractive, but when you’re constantly seeking out the SAME exaggerated features over and over again, doesn’t that say something about what you’re actually most attracted to?

It makes me wonder whether he genuinely finds my body attractive or if he’s just settling for what’s available to him in real life.

We’ve been intimate throughout our relationship, and he tells me he’s attracted to me, but it’s becoming really hard to believe him when I see what he consistently looks at behind my back.

So I genuinely want to hear from men, especially those who are in long-term relationships:

Can you actually be extremely attracted to your girlfriend or wife even if she looks absolutely nothing like the women you search for or fantasize about online? Is it possible to have such different preferences, or does it mean you’re more sexually attracted to those women than your actual partner?

I’m not looking for reassurance just to make myself feel better. I genuinely want honest answers because I’m having a hard time understanding how you can be attracted to someone and seek something else all the time. Don’t sugarcoat please

Omg I’m sorry talk I just saw to not post this type of stuff you can take this down if you want I’m just genuinely curious. I know all men watch that stuff.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5+ years and have been living together for the last 6 months.

I pay all of the rent, bills, groceries, and regularly buy her takeaways. She says that she should only pay for things when she wants to and gets offended when I ask her to pay for things.

She didn't have a job for the last few months and wasn't looking for one either. She went on 2 holidays without me in this time. Her money ran out a few weeks ago so she's got a job now. I paid for her work clothes and shoes for her interviews

Now that she's got a job, I was hoping that she'd start paying her own way, but she's now asking me for more money (£10) to pay for some work expenses. She has the money but doesn't want to spend it and has also said that she won't pay me back for it. I know it's only a tenner but I was really hoping that she'd start paying for more things now she's got a job.

Am I being unreasonable here by not wanting to give her £10 on top of all the other stuff? I was looking at my finances and I've gone from saving £600+ each paycheque to not saving anything since we moved in together.

I’ve been thinking about this lately.
You can meet someone and feel an instant connection. The conversations are effortless, the attraction is there, and everything feels almost too good to be true.
But as you grow older, you start noticing something.
Chemistry can make someone interesting. Consistency is what makes them trustworthy.
Someone checking on you without being reminded. Someone making time even when life gets busy. Someone whose actions don’t leave you constantly questioning where you stand.
I’m curious, though.
Was there a particular experience that changed the way you look at relationships?

I need some hope lol. My first bf (who is also my ex was physically abusive) and then I dated someone for 1.5 yrs who was cheating the entire time. I’m scared to date anyone again.

Like does it even matter, if it’s good would it convince you to give her a chance?

Thanks

Would prefer advice from an older more mature group.

I am a 33M virgin, for various reasons, career focused, bodily shame about small penis size, and grew up in religious household.

I am now seeing a girl where we have been friends for 10 years. Back in her college days she was a bit sexual (not a lot by most standards), and we met in an online group.

That group was vulgar, and she shared details like giving oral to a guy, who her partners were, specific acts, and gave nudes to a guy who released them to my closest friends.

I love her, and many things about her, and don’t blame her for that time of her life. And I have no concerns about the current version of her.

But I can’t help but get fleeting intrusive thoughts, about my friends seeing/having naked pictures of her, and everyone knowing what sexual acts she did and with whom.

I don’t resent her, but I feel I resent my only friend group. And I don’t want to just make new friends, as I’ve known them my whole life, and am socially awkward.

I am just wondering, if anyone has been able to mentally let go of a partners past, without letting it effect them mentally. I already don’t dwell on it all day, but the thoughts enter for seconds here and there

My boyfriend (32M) and I (26F) have been together for seven months. He's a lawyer and I'm a teacher. He’s moving to a new city for work around January, and I would join him after finishing the school year in June/July. We’ll have been together for about a year and a half when I move, including roughly six months of long distance.

He wants us to live together, which I am very very happy about. He's offered to cover rent because he’ll be making around $400k while I’ll be making around $80k. He says he doesn’t want finances to keep me from moving to be with him and doesn't want money to stress me out. I won't have an active income for the first two months in the city since my new teaching job wouldn't start until the end of August. I've been saving up to cover myself during this time period.

I really really appreciate his offer, but I’m having a hard time accepting it emotionally. Even though I’ll be working full time and earning my own money, I know that I'll feel like I’m not contributing enough to our relationship or our home. I don’t want to feel like I’m living in his home at his expense as a guest. He literally told me that I would want for nothing when we're living together.

I’m also nervous about going from long distance straight into living together while adjusting to a new city and job. Neither of us have ever lived with a romantic partner before despite both being in serious relationships. He already has friends and family in the city, while I’d be starting from scratch. Even though I want a future with him, accepting this just feels risky. I really do believe this is the man I'm going to marry, we both agree that we've never felt this way about someone before. We talk a lot about the future and the life we want to build together.

For people who live with a partner who earns significantly more, how do you feel like an equal partner when you aren’t splitting the biggest expense? I don't want him for the money, I'd love him just as much if he made 15k a year. I don't want to feel like I'm using him. I guess I just need some male perspective on this.

Hey guys, I’m looking for some honest perspectives from men, especially those who’ve been in serious relationships or have dealt with trust issues themselves.

My boyfriend (M 24) and I (F 22) have been together a couple months now. He has limited relationship experience, whereas I’ve had several relationships, both short term and long term. Unfortunately, the majority of my past relationships ended with me being cheated on. I’ve done a lot of healing, but something that happened early in my current relationship brought some of those trust issues back.

Within our first week together, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was his first time, too. I asked for consent multiple times, and he said yes each time. When a friend of his (M 25?), who had feelings for him, asked about it, my boyfriend described the situation as something along the lines of “entrapment.” He later explained that he wasn’t ready to discuss our sex life with his friend.

A few weeks later, I found out this same friend had called my boyfriend and spent much of the conversation insulting me. What hurt was that my boyfriend hadn’t really defended me, and he continued entertaining the friendship despite the strain it was putting on us.

Eventually, I reached my breaking point and told him I couldn’t remain in a relationship where this friendship continued. He chose to end the friendship that night.

Since then, our relationship has grown significantly stronger. My boyfriend puts effort into us, checks in frequently, and genuinely tries to understand me. We both have anxiety, and we support and reassure each other. Our relationship is reciprocal, and we’re learning to communicate in ways that help us both feel heard. We’re also intentional about being interdependent rather than codependent.

Here’s my problem: I still get waves of anxiety about what happened. Sometimes the urge to go through his phone is so strong that it genuinely eats me alive. I haven’t done it because I respect his privacy and don’t want to become controlling. I also don’t have concrete evidence that he’s doing anything behind my back.

When I ask whether I’m his only one, he doesn’t become defensive. He reassures me, and I recognize the effort he puts into our relationship. I genuinely love him and see a future with him, but I hate that something from our first month together still affects me this way.

For the guys, I’d especially appreciate your perspective on a few things:

1). If you were in my boyfriend’s position, how would you have handled that friendship?
2). If your girlfriend was struggling with trust because of something that happened early in the relationship, what would help you rebuild trust without feeling constantly suspected?
3). How would you want your partner to communicate these feelings to you?
4). For men who’ve experienced betrayal or dated someone with trust issues, what helped you build a secure relationship?

I’m not looking for reasons to leave him. I see his effort, and I know we’re both trying. I want to understand how to work through these feelings without allowing my past experiences to damage a relationship that genuinely matters to me.

I’m open to honest criticism, too. I want to grow from this, not just be told I’m right.

Thanks for reading.

TL;DR: My boyfriend’s friend, who had feelings for him, disrespected me and undermined our relationship early on. My boyfriend eventually ended the friendship, and our relationship has grown much stronger. We both put in effort, communicate, and support each other, but I still get waves of anxiety from past relationships where I was cheated on. Sometimes the urge to check his phone is overwhelming, even though I have no evidence of wrongdoing and don’t want to violate his privacy. Men, how would you handle this situation, and what would help you rebuild trust?

I (F28) have been talking to this guy (M30) for a month and he had been texting me at least twice a day consistently and then after our fourth hangout he didn’t text for a day and then reached out asking about me and didn’t respond back till like 20 hours later but it was a warm and thoughtful response. He’s texted me significantly slower than he did before and i won’t see him for another two weeks cause he’s going out of town. He texts with same energy just slower i don’t know what that means. Should i just continue talking because im considering just leaving him on read if he’s creating distance.

My boyfriend has some past trauma involving certain vegetables, so there are quite a few vegetables he dislikes. We’ve been together for two years, and at the beginning of our relationship, I thought he might gradually become more comfortable trying different vegetables. I’ve helped other people become more open to foods they previously disliked, and my boyfriend has made some progress, but not as much as I had hoped.
The problem is that eating a wide variety of vegetables and maintaining a balanced diet are important parts of my lifestyle. Since we’ve been together, I feel like I’ve had to compromise on this more than I’d like, and it’s making me unhappy.
I know I can’t force him to eat anything he doesn’t want to eat, especially considering his past experiences. I don’t want to invalidate his feelings, either. However, I sometimes see other couples where both partners seem to enjoy a wide variety of foods, and I find myself wondering whether I’m overlooking an important compatibility issue.
I love my boyfriend, and I feel ridiculous wondering whether this could be a reason to reconsider our relationship. At the same time, I worry about our future children. If we have children, will they copy their father’s eating habits? Will family meals become difficult because we have such different preferences? Will I always have to adapt my cooking and eating habits to accommodate everyone else?
I also wonder whether I’m making this issue bigger than it needs to be. Perhaps I’m worrying about a hypothetical future when we could find a way to make things work.
For context, I’m not expecting him to love every vegetable or eat exactly like I do. I just wish we could enjoy a wider variety of vegetables together without his food preferences limiting my lifestyle.

I also worry about our future children. I would like to be a stay-at-home wife for some time after having children, so I would probably be the one preparing most of the family meals. I’m afraid that if their dad refuses to eat a wide variety of vegetables, our children might adopt the same habits, and I’ll constantly struggle to get them to eat a balanced diet. I don’t want to spend my days cooking separate meals or feel like the only person in my own family who values eating a variety of nutritious foods. I know I can’t predict how our children will eat, but it’s difficult not to worry about this when I already feel that our different eating habits are affecting my lifestyle.

"I loved her without kissing or ever touching her thats why she'll always be different"
can u decipher what this means?

I’m looking for some outside advice because I’ve been getting completely different opinions from my friends, and I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do.
For context, I’ve known this guy (I’ll call him X) for several months. We work together, and our families are very close. Our mothers are friends, our families regularly spend time together, and we’ve gone on multiple outings outside of work. Because of this, he’s not someone I can just completely avoid if things get awkward.
When I first met him, he was incredibly quiet, socially awkward, and somewhat difficult to read. He’s definitely an introvert and doesn’t seem particularly experienced when it comes to interacting with girls. His own mother has mentioned that he takes a long time to warm up to people and that interacting with girls is different for him.
Initially, our relationship was mostly limited to work. However, we gradually started becoming more comfortable around each other. He would joke with me, tease me, ask me questions, and occasionally go out of his way to interact with me. We also share several interests, including gaming.
One of the first times I started questioning whether he liked me was during a group trip to a water park. We ended up spending over an hour talking together while everyone else was doing their own thing. We talked about school, work, our families, random interests, and pretty much anything that came to mind. He was surprisingly talkative, playful, and engaged. It felt completely different from how he usually acted at work.
There have been several other instances like this. During another group outing, he remembered small details I’d mentioned weeks earlier and brought them up without me prompting him. He sometimes initiates conversations when we’re alone, especially when things get quiet. At work, he’ll ask about my classes, my plans, and things happening in my life. He also smiles and laughs a lot when we’re talking.
One time, we were studying at a coffee shop after work, and he voluntarily came over and sat beside me, asking what I was working on and looking at my assignments. He also sometimes puts his phone away when we’re talking.
However, there’s one major issue: he is absolutely terrible at texting.
I’ve texted him on multiple occasions and either received a response hours later or no response whatsoever. Sometimes he’ll initiate a conversation himself and then disappear halfway through it. There was even a time when he texted me saying he had a question, and when I responded, he never followed up.
For a while, I interpreted this as a sign that he wasn’t interested. I was frustrated enough that I started considering moving on entirely.
However, I’ve since learned that he genuinely behaves this way with other people too. Apparently, he has left one of his friends unanswered for an absurdly long time, and multiple people have confirmed that he’s just a terrible communicator over text. He also has a pretty demanding work and school schedule, although I don’t necessarily think that excuses everything.
Something else that confuses me is our families. His parents seem to like me, and his mother has asked about me and talked to my mother about him on several occasions. His family seems comfortable with the idea of us spending time together, but I also recognize that our parents being close doesn’t automatically mean he has romantic feelings.
Now, here’s where things started changing.
This past weekend, we attended a two-day cultural festival with mutual friends and family.
On the first day, he was initially quiet, but eventually started joking and interacting with me. There was also an awkward situation involving another girl who seemed interested in him. He appeared uncomfortable, and we kept exchanging looks and reacting to the situation together.
The following day, he came back to the festival and approached me by tapping my shoulder to get my attention. He ended up spending around three hours with me and my friends.
Throughout that time, he repeatedly sat beside me, initiated conversations, teased me, and seemed genuinely happy to be there. We talked about gaming, work, and previous outings. He remembered random things I’d mentioned months earlier, and there were several moments where we’d look at each other and smile.
What stood out to me was that he seemed much more comfortable around me than he had been previously. He was making jokes, including me in conversations, and choosing to spend time with our group even though he’s usually quite reserved.
Later that night, I invited him to play Fortnite with a mutual friend and me. He initially said he couldn’t get online, but a few minutes later he texted me again asking whether we were still playing.
He ended up joining us.
During the games, he was noticeably more talkative and playful. He kept calling my name, teasing me, helping me during fights, and asking me to 1v1 him. At one point, he jokingly said, “Please, I’ll do whatever you want,” because he wanted me to play against him.
His brother also joined us, and someone jokingly referred to him as my boyfriend. Nothing particularly dramatic happened afterward, but the entire night felt comfortable and natural.
The following day, I texted him asking for a small favor related to work. He actually responded the next morning, agreed to help, and even explained a minor complication with doing it. That might sound insignificant, but considering his texting history, I was pleasantly surprised.
Here’s where my friends’ opinions come in.
One male friend who actually observed us interacting said he’s almost certain X likes me. He specifically mentioned how shy X seemed and said his behavior looked like that of someone who has a crush but doesn’t know how to express it.
Another male friend thinks I should move on. He acknowledges that our recent interactions were great, but believes the inconsistent communication and lack of clear romantic initiative aren’t worth my time.
Other friends think I should stop analyzing everything and just go with the flow.
I can understand all three perspectives.
The other thing is that I don’t necessarily need a relationship right now. I have school, work, friends, and other priorities, and I’m genuinely happy with my life. I enjoy spending time with him, and I like how our friendship has developed. I wouldn’t be opposed to something romantic happening, but I don’t want to force it or spend months waiting for something that might never happen.
I’m also pretty reserved around people I don’t know well, so I understand what it’s like to take time to become comfortable with someone. I just can’t tell whether he’s slowly becoming more comfortable with me because he likes me or because he sees me as a good friend.
So I guess I’m asking for advice on a few things:
Does his behavior sound like someone who’s romantically interested but extremely shy, or is this just normal behavior between friends?
How much importance should I place on his terrible texting when he’s significantly more engaged in person?
Would it be better to continue letting things develop naturally, or should I eventually make a move myself?
For people who are introverted or have dated someone extremely shy, how did you distinguish romantic interest from ordinary friendliness?
At what point does being patient with someone become making excuses for their lack of initiative?
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from people who have experienced something similar. I don’t want to overanalyze every interaction, but I also don’t want to completely dismiss the possibility that something is developing.
TL;DR: I’ve liked a very shy, introverted coworker for several months. Our families are close, we’ve spent a lot of time together, and he’s consistently more engaged, playful, and attentive in person than he is over text. Recently, he spent several hours with me at a festival, initiated conversations, sat beside me, and later made an effort to join me and some friends online. One male friend who observed us is convinced he likes me, while another thinks I should move on because of his inconsistent communication. I like him, but I’m not desperate for a relationship. Should I continue going with the flow, make a move, or interpret his lack of texting effort as a sign to move on?

I feel like I've been too emotionally vulnerable with someone who is much more reserved

In (M)y 25 years of existence believe me I dont know how to lead in a relationship. To all the guys out there please give me some two cents of advise on how to lead in a relationship.

TL;DR: My boyfriend of 6.5 years spent four months seeking out sexualized Instagram content despite a boundary we’d explicitly agreed on, then initially lied about masturbating to it. He now acknowledges the betrayal and has started therapy, but three years of unresolved intimacy issues add another layer. Marriage plans are paused, and we’re taking space while still occasionally seeing each other. I love him but don’t know whether I want the relationship anymore - or whether I’d regret leaving without trying to rebuild trust.

About two months ago, I discovered that my boyfriend had been repeatedly seeking out sexualized Instagram accounts, including OF creators, over approximately four months. He eventually admitted that some visits were for arousal and that he sometimes masturbated to the content.

This crossed an agreement we had already made. He has acknowledged responsibility since the confrontation, but I’m struggling to decide whether I want to attempt reconciliation.

The boundary and discovery

About five years ago, early in our relationship, something similar happened on a much smaller scale. We discussed it, and he agreed not to do it again. I understood that to be an established boundary.

His Instagram was logged in on my phone with his knowledge because he occasionally used it when we were together. He goes through phases of downloading and deleting the app depending on how much time he feels he’s spending on it. One evening, he asked me to search for a friend through his account, and I noticed a sexualized account in his recent searches.

I initially brushed it off. When I checked later, the searches had been cleared. Over the following weeks, I found further activity showing repeated visits to similar profiles.

When I confronted him, he initially minimized it with explanations like enjoying someone’s travel content or imagining me wearing their outfits. We talked for hours, and I eventually became overwhelmed, yelled, and left.

He later acknowledged the sexual nature of the behavior. He said suggestive content would appear while scrolling and he would give in and explore the profiles. He described some visits as curiosity and others as driven by attraction and arousal. His explanation was that it had become “a dopamine loop” he turned to when stressed or bored.

The truth also came out gradually. When I directly asked whether he had masturbated to the content, he initially said no. Almost a month later, he admitted that he had. He has since acknowledged that the denial was a choice. This added another layer to the breach of trust because even after the confrontation, I wasn’t immediately given the full picture.

What hurts most is that he admitted remembering our earlier agreement and knowing that finding out would hurt me, but continuing anyway.

Based on what I saw and what he told me, I found no evidence of messaging, paid subscriptions, likes, comments, saved posts, or other direct engagement. Those forms of interaction would have made leaving a clear decision for me. Their absence matters to how I’m weighing this, but it doesn’t erase the boundary he knowingly crossed.

This happened while we were seeing each other frequently, buying a house, and discussing marriage. I felt deeply connected and secure, which is part of why the discovery has made me question my understanding of the relationship. His explanation about stress also leaves me worried about how he would handle future difficulties.

An unresolved intimacy issue adds another layer

Our LDR ended three years ago, but we have never successfully had penetrative sex during the relationship because he loses his erection when we try. We have other forms of intimacy, he is attentive to my pleasure, and I have felt satisfied in those ways.

Over those three years, I repeatedly raised getting the ED medically evaluated, but he didn’t follow through. I didn’t want to shame or pressure him, but I wanted us to address it.

I am not able to tell whether the Instagram behavior and erection difficulties are connected. It hurts that an issue affecting our shared intimacy remained unresolved while he privately pursued this sexual outlet.

His response since

Despite the initial minimization and later admission of lying, he now acknowledges crossing our boundary and considers what he did cheating. He has engaged in difficult conversations and listened to my hurt. He hasn’t called me crazy or insecure, pressured me to accept it, or told me I’m overreacting. He deleted Instagram and independently started therapy.

Outside of this, I have experienced him as a loving, supportive partner. Before the discovery, his desire for commitment had never been in question. He consistently wanted engagement and marriage and brought it up more than I did.

However, during one of our conversations after the confrontation, he said he wasn’t asking me to wait and since he caused the hurt and doesn’t feel entitled to reach out or assume I want him around. He wants contact to happen on my terms.

Where we are now

Engagement and marriage plans are paused. Privately, I guess we consider ourselves broken up and are taking space, but we still see each other occasionally - sometimes for logistics because our lives are intertwined, and sometimes because we want to spend time together.

I have not given him a list of repair steps since I want to see what responsibility he takes independently rather than feel like I’m managing the process.

I’m less overwhelmed than I was initially, but I’m still hurt and stuck. I mentally revisit old memories, question things I previously felt secure about, compare myself to those women, and scan where his attention goes when we’re together. It’s exhausting. I know I can't police his eyes for the rest of our lives.

I’m grieving the security I used to feel, but I’m also unsure whether I even want the relationship anymore. I still love him and miss spending time with him, yet that doesn’t necessarily mean I want to rebuild a future together.

At the same time, I worry I might regret leaving without giving repair a chance. I believe the loving, supportive qualities I experienced in him were real, and I’m struggling to reconcile those with his repeated choice to cross this boundary. I don’t want to minimize what happened because of his good qualities, but I don’t want to dismiss those qualities either.

His willingness to work on himself matters, but I don’t know whether my own desire to continue is still there - or whether fear of regretting a breakup is making it harder to let go.

Being unmarried also weighs on me. If we were already married, I imagine I might feel more inclined to attempt repair before leaving. Right now, I’m deciding whether I still want to make that commitment at all.

Additional context

• We’re both Indian. Cultural and family expectations mean we don’t live together, stay overnight, or travel together. We have opportunities for intimacy, but limited private time.
• He recently bought a house and insisted on adding me to the title even though I hadn’t contributed financially. This illustrates how serious our future felt and how intertwined our lives are. It doesn’t cancel out what happened or obligate me to stay.
• He has stood up for me during difficulties with his family and expressed willingness to limit or end contact if necessary to protect our relationship. I’m struggling to reconcile that commitment with the secrecy in this area.
• I would have been open to an honest conversation about sexual frustration or unmet needs and discussing mutually acceptable outlets. Instead, he acted privately despite our existing agreement.

The perspective I’m looking for

I’m particularly interested in hearing from men who have crossed a partner’s boundary, worked through similar behavior, or rebuilt trust in a long-term relationship.

I understand that couples have different agreements about sexual content. My question is about knowingly breaking an existing agreement and initially lying afterward.

• If you’ve done something similar, what helped you change beyond feeling guilty or afraid of losing your partner?
• What did taking responsibility look like without your partner managing the process?
• How did you respect a partner’s need for space while still showing initiative?
• If you described your behavior as a response to stress or boredom, what did you actually change about how you handled those feelings?
• What would you encourage me to look for before deciding whether to attempt reconciliation?

I’m open to honest perspectives, including that leaving may be healthier.

Note: I used AI to help organize my thoughts because there’s a lot of context and I’ve been struggling to explain it clearly. This is my actual experience, and the questions are my own.

Okay, so the title pretty much explains it but I (30F) have been seeing someone (30M) for about 7 months now. This wasn’t a problem for the first ~5 months, but now it’s constant and really bothers me. He only showers every 2-3 days, and usually “rinses off” on the off days. Doesn’t wash his sheets for 3-4 weeks at a time. Doesn’t always brush his teeth before bed and I’m not talking about we fell asleep and didn’t, I mean it’s an active decision to not brush them before bed most nights because he “did before he came over” even though we’d eaten before bed and his breath was honestly kind of stinky. His body odor isn’t…sour? But it’s musky and definitely there.

I am pretty strict on my personal hygiene. I shower at least once a day, almost always at night before bed. I absolutely hate getting into bed without showering. It makes me feel dirty and I usually have to change the sheets the next day because it bothers me. The only night I don’t shower is Saturday (which is rare), because I always change my sheets on Sundays. I always brush my teeth before bed unless I fell asleep or something. I’ll be like “hey I’m going to brush my teeth, you comin’?” to kind of nudge him along but….nothing.

This has been bothering me for a bit now, but I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to offend him or hurt his feelings or make him feel badly about himself. But honestly, this is a dealbreaker for me if it can’t improve. I don’t feel like I should have to tell a grown man how to have good hygiene… A few nights ago, I texted him asking if he wanted to take a shower together when he got here (it was later at night) or if he was showering before he came over. Kind of trying to hint at…you need to be clean, I just put fresh sheets on my bed (he knew this). He got to my place and did not smell or look like he had showered. I told him I was hopping in the shower soon and asked if he already had. He said he hadn’t and that he didn’t need to shower. I playfully reminded him that I put fresh sheets on and would love for us to crawl into a clean bed, being freshly clean. He asked me if I wanted him to shower and I told him I wasn’t going to ask him to do that, but that I really don’t like getting into fresh sheets while dirty from the day. He didn’t end up showering with me. That made me feel kind of disrespected honestly.

I understand that this is a pretty sensitive topic for some people and I so badly don’t want to hurt him, but when his odor sticks to my sheets after he gets out of bed….just no. I can’t deal with that.

Men, how can I gently communicate this? Is it even worth trying to fix or should I just accept it and move on?

For context, we live in the US, we aren’t in a serious relationship, and I’ve never been to his place (roommates, we are just casually seeing each other, etc.) so I haven’t slept in the 4 week old sheets. Thank you in advance!

For context, my absolute artwork of a boyfriend (M20) got me a PS5 a couple months ago for my birthday. We’ve been dating for about a year and a half but we are beyond serious (anyone who has any opinions on whether or not you can even be “serious” at such a young age “yada yada yada” can leave, i’m not discussing this, we are serious). He knew I’ve been really excited about certain games coming out soon but I wasn’t able to play them because I only had a PS4, hence, he gifted me the PS5, moving on

His birthday is in about a week. I feel like for the amount of money he had been saving up, how excited he was, and just how much he really cared to get me such a gift, the love needs to be returned, but I’m worried I didn’t do enough.

For starters, I drew me giving him a haircut (something that happens IRL), except he’s in an ODST uniform, since Halo is his all time favorite franchise. I also got him a limited edition Halo XBOX 360, which I know is an old console but it’s a classic, AND it’s limited edition. I also bought both Daft Punk helmets since it’s our shared favorite artist (love love LOVE daft punk). it’s going to be our halloween costume since we hadn’t really come up with one yet, but I know he wants to match since we didn’t have the chance to last year. Also a bunch of jorts and carpenter pants since he only has a couple pairs he wears in rotation. Then, tickets to a Backrooms themed party. He’s adored the found footage videos for years now and fell in love with the movie, we love quoting it to one another. Lastly, it isn’t a gift but I PLANNED that at the end of the day, I would drive out to Mojave with him, pack a bunch of fruit and soda in a cooler, pick up a free couch for my truck bed from some random on facebook (since there’s never a shortage), and buy a pack of marlboro reds or maybe newports for me and him to share. I was recently the reason we stopped vaping a while ago, well it was smth we agreed on but it was my idea. and while neither of us don’t want to go back to vapes, I wouldn’t mind just once sharing a pack of cigarettes with him.

Anyway.. advice ? comments ? concerns ?

So I (23M) just broke up with my GF of 2 years. We met at uni and this was my first relationship, but unfortunately things didn't go well. She was manipulative and kept breaking the boundaries we agreed on, but I was hesitant to break up cause I genuinely loved her and wanted to make things work.

The thing that broke me was that I felt like I was doing everything I could for her and it was still never enough. She's from a lower socioeconomic background than me and my family opposed the relationship because of that, but I was still fighting for her and trying to make it work despite all the opposition. I really wanted to prove that we could make it work, but it felt like nothing I did was enough.

The funny thing is that I once overheard her family talking to her on the phone, and they were basically telling her that I'm a catch and that she'd be living a much better life with me than she'd ever get with anyone they knew 💀. They were literally telling her she should marry me cause she'd never find someone better, which makes everything that happened afterward even more ironic.

Before we broke up, I was going through burnout and asked her for just a week off to clear my head. She told me she'd give me all the time I needed, then literally a day later she came back saying that was enough time off and either we talk or break up. She also said she didn't trust me anymore, which honestly made me question the whole relationship cause if you don't trust your bf then why the hell are we even dating lol. Isn't trust literally the foundation of any relationship?

We eventually met to talk things out one last time, and she said something along the lines of "yeah I knew your family were bitches and wouldn't have accepted me anyway" while insisting that she's a good person and all that. The thing is, I was the one fighting against my family's opposition and trying to make this work, so hearing that from her felt like all the effort I put in meant absolutely nothing.

At the end I had to stand up for myself and end things. After the breakup I found out through common friends that she started shit talking me, and she even told people that we never dated cause she'd never date someone like me 💀 which I find funny tbh, especially considering everything I did to make the relationship work.

So yeah, sometimes I feel like I dodged a bullet and that I'll eventually find someone who appreciates me and loves me the way I deserve. Other times I start thinking what if I just lost the person I was supposed to spend my life with? What if I never find someone I love that much again? 💀

Since this was my first relationship, I honestly don't know if I'm looking at things objectively or if I'm just trying to convince myself that I made the right choice.

For the guys who've been through something similar, how did you know you made the right decision? Did you ever feel like you might've lost your only chance at love, and did that feeling eventually go away?

I [24M] have been with my girlfriend [23F] for three years. Up until recently, I thought we were in a committed, long-term relationship.

Recently, I found out that she told her male best friend that we are "nothing serious." Seeing her minimize three years together to another guy completely broke my trust and changed how I see her.

When I confronted her and told her I no longer want to be in this relationship, she immediately flipped the script and said she would end her life if I left her. Now I feel completely trapped. My trust in her is gone and I don't want to stay in this relationship anymore, but I am terrified of what she might do if I walk away.

How do I navigate breaking up with someone who uses self-harm threats to make me stay? What steps should I take to get out of this safely?

Girlfriend of 3 years told her male best friend our relationship isn't serious. When I tried to break up with her over it, she threatened to end her life. Need advice on how to safely leave this relationship.

What you need to know before the comments roll in

Almost everyone on Reddit is going to tell you the exact same thing, and it is important you hear it right now: you are a partner, not a hostage. You are not responsible for managing her mental health at the expense of your own life and freedom.

Whether she is saying this purely to manipulate you or she is genuinely in crisis, the safest way to handle it is the same:

• Involve her support system immediately: The moment you end things and she makes a threat, contact her parents, a sibling, or a close friend. Send them screenshots if you have them and say, "I am ending our relationship, and she just threatened to take her own life. I am letting you know so you can keep her safe."
• Call emergency services if necessary: If her family isn't an option and she says she is in immediate danger, call local emergency services or a crisis helpline to do a welfare check on her.
• Step away completely: Once you have handed responsibility over to her family or professionals, block or mute her so she cannot keep pulling you back into the cycle. If she is genuinely at risk, she gets the help she needs; if she is using it to manipulate you, she learns that the threat brings her parents or paramedics to her door, not you.

Does her family know you two are together, or is there a trusted person in her life you can alert when you have the breakup conversation?

The guy I like (31M) makes 80-90k, and I will be making 800k. Is that attractive or unattractive? He also seems like a bit of a player and doesn’t seem to want to commit and settle down at this point in time. Wondering if this disparity may affect how he sees longterm potential. Also my career is as a doctor so I wonder if this would be perceived negatively or positively as well given that I’ve heard mixed reviews on this. Some say that career is a turn on because it’s useful and it shows intelligence and empathy, others say it’s a turn off if it’s time-consuming. For context, he also has advanced degrees.

Long term relationship. He cheated (both to blame here since I guess I had emotionally been distant), we’ve been broken up for 4 months and he’s allegedly still seeing the girl he cheated with.

Last week my ex ended up seeing a really hot picture I had posted (not sure how since blocked on socials) and reached out after a month or so of full no contact (that he forced to have, we had some loose ends so contact was very low before this).

We end up having a 5 hour long phone call just catching up really, the whole vibe felt warm and fuzzy and nostalgic I guess. I could tell he kind of missed me and our connection. We end up talking for the next 4 days, and during this time he mentions twice that he’s feeling conflicted but wouldn’t disclose anything else other than “conflicted”. Obviously I assume about me.

We even end up meeting for coffee and potentially planning to go to a concert a few days later. The next day he doesn’t talk to me and then he kind of fell off and has been really distant with very short communication every couple days. I have asked him if he has resolved whatever he was “conflicted” about and he said no and when I asked why he said he just kicked it down the line.

I guess I’m not sure if he is breadcrumbing me, or if he really is conflicted and since he’s an avoidant this is how he acts. I’ve stopped reaching out but part of me wanted him to at least attempt to come back and at least show me he is remorseful. Just not sure what to think of the whole thing.

I recently became official with my boyfriend, and I'm struggling with some feelings that I feel guilty admitting.

He's a genuinely sweet guy, and there are things I really like about him. He makes an effort to see me, treats me well, and I know he cares about me. However, I've been having doubts about our compatibility, particularly when it comes to finances and stability.

He recently lost his accounting job, and he's had some employment struggles in the past. He also has a consumer proposal from a previous business he had with his ex. Now, he recently got into a car accident and is driving a rental car that, honestly, I find myself feeling embarrassed about.

I know how that sounds, and I feel shallow even writing it. I don't want to judge someone based on their current circumstances, especially when some things are outside their control. I understand that anyone can lose their job or get into an accident.
At the same time, financial stability, ambition, and being able to build a comfortable life together are important to me. I'm worried about whether he'll be able to provide the kind of future I envision for myself. I also realize that I have certain expectations in a relationship, and I'm used to a different dynamic financially.

What's confusing is that I do like him, but these things are affecting my attraction to him. Part of me wonders if I'm being superficial and focusing too much on money and appearances. Another part of me worries that I'm ignoring legitimate concerns about long-term compatibility.

I don't expect a partner to be rich or have everything figured out, but I do want someone who is financially responsible, motivated, and stable. I don't know whether I'm reacting unfairly to a difficult period in his life or recognizing that we might want different things.

**Am I being shallow, or are these valid reasons to reconsider a relationship? How do you distinguish between someone going through a temporary rough patch and someone whose circumstances might reflect a longer-term pattern?**

Hi, I am 21 and my bf is 25. He has is own apartment and l live with my parent for college. I want to move out but the job l have wouldn’t financially support me and if l move out with my bf, my parents wouldn’t let me come back home if we broke up. Will a relationship last if say in 3 years we still together, can it still survive without living together. Or sex at a hotel is norm ?
Thank you.