Something I’ve noticed is that some men seem to get an ego boost from having an attractive woman by their side. It sometimes feels like they aren’t just dating her, they’re displaying her.

Like, “look at what I pulled.”
“Look how beautiful my girlfriend is.”
“Look what I was able to get.”

And honestly, isn’t there something slightly objectifying about that? Almost as if the woman’s attractiveness becomes a reflection of the man’s own status, rather than her simply being a person he loves.

Obviously, I’m not talking about every man who posts his girlfriend or is proud of her. But I’m curious where people think the line is between being proud of your partner and treating them like a trophy you won.

Do some men actually love the woman, or do they also love what having that particular woman says about them?

I'm in a new relationship (two months). Sex is phenomenal. I would like to have anal as it's something I enjoy very much. When is too soon? I don't want him to change the way he sees me.

The guy I like (31M) makes 80-90k, and I will be making 800k. Is that attractive or unattractive? He also seems like a bit of a player and doesn’t seem to want to commit and settle down at this point in time. Wondering if this disparity may affect how he sees longterm potential. Also my career is as a doctor so I wonder if this would be perceived negatively or positively as well given that I’ve heard mixed reviews on this. Some say that career is a turn on because it’s useful and it shows intelligence and empathy, others say it’s a turn off if it’s time-consuming. For context, he also has advanced degrees.

We live together and is very much together 24/7 most of the time. Hes my first boyfriend and weve been together for almost 3 years. I fell in love with him cauz I thought he wasnt like most guys cauz I despise guys who are lustful and just sexualize women, because that’s how my dad is. I’m attracted and feel butterflies to guys who are different. I felt that to him thats why I opened up but when I discovered what hes doing I continuously talk about that to him, and told him everything I think of. He promised not to do it again and I even said that if that’s what really interest him, he won’t change, but he kept assuring me how that’s not the case and hes not ineterested or attracted to them. I feel really stupid believing that and him changing.

I thought he changed, thats why I am able to forget and romanticize our relationship again. But recently I found out when he goes to the bathroom he spends too much time, turns out, he looks up and watches sexy videos of naked, girls wearing super revealing clothes, costumes or touching themselves. I was wondering how he can do that when im with him and he knows im very open to that. I just feel nauseous being with him now cauz I know men who do that will get pretty much attracted to any sexy women thats in front of them, and all they feel is lust.

He made all this assurances that hes not attracted to any girls who are sexy with big chest and hes just attracted to me. I believed that. Thats why its hurtful whenever I caught him and the thing is he also did this exact thing in the past and we had a huge fight about it. From then, I always bring up how much I hate men who are like that and im attracted to men whos different and he always say hes that different man, but now I caught him doing it again

I can’t romanticize our relationship anymore. Now I when I think about it, I thought its nothing whenever I notice him look at sexy girls whenever we go out, I trust him enough to just shrug it off. Now looking at the girls he watches, I just feel like he felt the same way with those girls that he looks at and those he watches online. Whenever I think that, he just feels really gross to me. It just makes me feel regretful that I wasted all this time with him

This question sounds so ignorant but I’m actually curious to know. So little back story, I’m celibate and have been for about a year now. I decided to go celibate because I feel like sex doesn’t really do much for me if I’m not in love with the person as cliche as that may sound. I also get attached very easily especially after doing anything intimate with someone, so to do myself a favor I made a promise to myself that I would go celibate to protect my feelings until I’ve met the right one. Fast forward I got into a talking stage with a guy friend a while back and I let that be known to him off bat because I hate wasting peoples time if that’s what they’re trying to get at. And he told me numerous times that he doesn’t care for sex and “he can get it from anyone” if he wanted to (which looking back why would he even say that) but I’m assuming he said that to reassure me that he’s genuinely interested in me and wanted to see where things could actually go with us despite my decision to not have sex until we were official. Since we were friends for years prior to us talking I feel like I know him well enough to know that he does have options and as much as I don’t want to admit it he can really get any girl to sleep with him. As time went on, the talking stage developed into something more, we’ve expressed our love for eachother, talked about our future, etc. we also did get intimate but it didn’t lead to the full thing. I really did feel like we’re going to be official until a situation happened and I decided to cut him off. We went months no contact until he broke it a couple times after. Which brings me to this question: was he just playing the long game and telling me all these to eventually get what he wanted all along or do you think he genuinely liked me? Do men see women who don’t give it up like a challenge or something like “hmm, let’s see if I can change your mind”This insecurity stems from the past where men just wanted me for my body and now I think that’s every dudes intention.

He (39m) says what the title says, atleast for the friends you hangout with offline. He even says he has done it in the past hoping for a chance when her relationship with her SO back then eventually ended. Conversation came up as I (25f) started suspecting my new guy - friend (23m), genuine platonic friendship from my side, having feelings for me. To be clear my BF never said to stop hanging out with this guy - friend as he trust me. But I'm wondering if there cannot be any platonic friendship without any backthoughts when a guy approaches as friends? I also increasingly feel like this might just be "his reality" because that's what he did with his women friends and also he got a lot of women friends online, according to him they never meet up, feels a bit sketchy when he says that.

I just want to understand the rationale behind this because it’s borderline insufferable, then you have to be the bad guy and block but genuinely why do you keep pursuing a girl who barely shows any interest or replies to your messages? ESPECIALLY when you know nothing about them? I’ve found the ones who have barely asked any questions about myself and i’ve known two minutes have been the most relentless, do you just hallucinate their personality since you have nothing to go off and romanticise them? Also, can you tell she’s uninterested and just think if you’re persistent her mind will change? I hope this doesn’t come off too aggressive i just want to understand why they do this and im aware most men aren’t this way.

Long story short, ive been with my man for coming up to 3 years on and off and hes recently made a request to basically have a “house party” with me, him, a friend he can trust and that friends girlfriend. Essentially his fantasy is for me and the guy to maybe dance with one another get kind of close, maybe him touch my waist, my boobs a bit, me put my hands in his boxers and then stop. Go back to him (my own man) and then we fuck, in private i believe.

He keeps saying like “set him up” “make him go crazy” but “dont make him fuck”. Basically he wants me to make the guy jealous, tease him, but then not allow him access to me and then go back to him (my man) and fuck him.

My questions are:
1) is my man a cuck of some sort?
2) should i be worried that he wants to do that with me? 3) Does this mean he doesnt love me or see a proper future with me?
4) does this mean he sees me as some sort of whore

Note: Im not overly against the idea of another man desiring me in my mans presence and kind of making him sweat but the whole “put your hands in his boxers” thing, letting the man kind of touch my waist, boobs is a bit much for me

Sorry for any typos its late and my minds all over the place😭

Boyfriend of 5 years is telling me to apologize to him because I went outside with no bra.

As he was leaving the house to donate plasma he called me once he was already in the car to bring the dog in (I guess I did something that bothered him and my punishment was him not helping), at this point it’s afternoon closer to evening and so I do. 1 minute after call ended I’m outside grabbing the dog. He walks into our backyard and our neighbor comes out to grab their dog who quite honestly doesn’t let us enjoy our yard at all. They leave him outside all the time even if it’s against our lease and he barks at any time of the day. He doesn’t let my boyfriend smoke in peace and will be barking at him, and he will bark and try to rile up our dog all the time, he even scares my toddlers on their way to our car since their fence goes a little past ours along our driveway.

Well, I wasn’t expecting to see my neighbor and it’s honestly getting a bit annoying that I can’t take our dog out without having to see my neighbors come out to their backyard. They also killed one of their what would’ve been 3 dogs because they were keeping them outside all day in the summer where it was 110 degrees and still put that dog that’s always outside out like 2 days later…They’ve been irritating me for other reasons like letting their trash go into our driveway, they just brought a baby home not too long ago and I’m already finding empty wipe packages in our driveway, and trying to presume their property line crosses over into our property.

So anyway, my boyfriend says “you’re not wearing a bra?” Once we both get inside then leaves saying “I don’t even care anymore”. Then like 5 hours later says something about me having to apologize for going outside with a semi see through shirt where he could measure my areola if he wanted to. I did get uncomfortable when I saw my neighbor and put my arm covering over my chest. But I’m a mom of 3, 3 and under, youngest being barely 8 months and I had just finished my 8 hour shift WFH 2 hours prior.

Am I being an as***le for feeling bothered that he’s asking me to apologize? I’ve always felt like he’s been policing my body since we got together, he and his family shamed me out of wearing crop tops, but his SIL wears them all the time and no one tells her anything.

Update: he just came home with flowers saying they’re for our toddlers, then asked if I was wondering why. I said no not really they’re happy with the flowers that’s fine with me. Then said something about me basically flaunting myself to the neighbor, i laughed then said I don’t see why I have to apologize that he goes outside with no shirt no underwear just shorts, then he said that its different because he’s a guy and that I’ve said something about neighbors gf going outside once in a bra, and that if I don’t see anything wrong with that then he no longer sees anything wrong with him going on only fans to flirt for 3 consecutive days with a girl he went to college with and another girl to get free videos from them, he successfully got one from the other girl which I found saved in his files. (I was also in my 3rd trimester pregnant with our first at the time but didn’t find out till much later on), that I have “big boobs” and you could see everything…I said so me thinking I wouldn’t be seen is the equivalent of flirting with the neighbor? He said yes. Then said something about how I take no accountability. Not sure what to do about it atp, apologize?

Let me add, we’re both 25 if that matters

I’m a girl.
Would it feel weird if I take you out on a date, like a game night , and I do all the driving and buy you food? I simply want you to relax, have fun, and not to worry about a thing for a few hours and just enjoy a game that you like . Would that make you feel weird or like I’m controlling you?

Okay, so the title pretty much explains it but I (30F) have been seeing someone (30M) for about 7 months now. This wasn’t a problem for the first ~5 months, but now it’s constant and really bothers me. He only showers every 2-3 days, and usually “rinses off” on the off days. Doesn’t wash his sheets for 3-4 weeks at a time. Doesn’t always brush his teeth before bed and I’m not talking about we fell asleep and didn’t, I mean it’s an active decision to not brush them before bed most nights because he “did before he came over” even though we’d eaten before bed and his breath was honestly kind of stinky. His body odor isn’t…sour? But it’s musky and definitely there.

I am pretty strict on my personal hygiene. I shower at least once a day, almost always at night before bed. I absolutely hate getting into bed without showering. It makes me feel dirty and I usually have to change the sheets the next day because it bothers me. The only night I don’t shower is Saturday (which is rare), because I always change my sheets on Sundays. I always brush my teeth before bed unless I fell asleep or something. I’ll be like “hey I’m going to brush my teeth, you comin’?” to kind of nudge him along but….nothing.

This has been bothering me for a bit now, but I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to offend him or hurt his feelings or make him feel badly about himself. But honestly, this is a dealbreaker for me if it can’t improve. I don’t feel like I should have to tell a grown man how to have good hygiene… A few nights ago, I texted him asking if he wanted to take a shower together when he got here (it was later at night) or if he was showering before he came over. Kind of trying to hint at…you need to be clean, I just put fresh sheets on my bed (he knew this). He got to my place and did not smell or look like he had showered. I told him I was hopping in the shower soon and asked if he already had. He said he hadn’t and that he didn’t need to shower. I playfully reminded him that I put fresh sheets on and would love for us to crawl into a clean bed, being freshly clean. He asked me if I wanted him to shower and I told him I wasn’t going to ask him to do that, but that I really don’t like getting into fresh sheets while dirty from the day. He didn’t end up showering with me. That made me feel kind of disrespected honestly.

I understand that this is a pretty sensitive topic for some people and I so badly don’t want to hurt him, but when his odor sticks to my sheets after he gets out of bed….just no. I can’t deal with that.

Men, how can I gently communicate this? Is it even worth trying to fix or should I just accept it and move on?

For context, we live in the US, we aren’t in a serious relationship, and I’ve never been to his place (roommates, we are just casually seeing each other, etc.) so I haven’t slept in the 4 week old sheets. Thank you in advance!

have a dilemma. I've been seeing a guy for a while now, nothing serious yet, but it's clear he's looking for something serious. At first, I didn't like him and didn't find him physically attractive, but after we kept talking, I got hooked.

This weekend I went out alone with a guy I've known since childhood. We hadn't spoken in years, but this outing brought us back into conversation, and I found him very nice.

The problem with this whole situation is that for years I've been attracted to the boy from my childhood, but I never dared to talk to him and considered it more of a platonic feeling. But now we're getting a little closer, and I feel like that attraction I have for him hasn't gone away yet, but I'm already seeing the other guy who likes me

So here's where I'm torn: should I try things out with my childhood sweetheart, even knowing he probably only sees me as a friend, or stay with the guy I know likes me and go for something more "safe"?

What should I do? Let things flow? Distance myself from one of them? Stay with the guy I'm dating and forget about my childhood sweetheart

My boyfriend [23M] and I [23F] have been dating for 3.5 years. We lived together for most of our relationship, and as far as I know, he’s never physically cheated on me. But I genuinely think he might have some sort of problem to looking at women online.

He constantly looks at women with extremely exaggerated BBL bodies. I’m talking about HUGE, almost unrealistic proportions, like SageTheSweetest type of BBLs. It’s basically soft corn. He searches for these women on Instagram, saves their pictures, and has been doing this throughout our relationship even though we are sexually intimate, like every single day. Sometimes multiple times a day and I’m FUN.

The thing is, these women look absolutely nothing like me.

I’m Latina, 5’2”, around 140 pounds, and my body is pretty proportional. I am curvy and I don’t think I’m ugly at all, and I’m not saying that because I’m insecure about how I look. But the women he constantly seeks out have these crazy, exaggerated proportions that I could never naturally have.

And the worst part is that he doesn’t even know I know he’s still looking at them.

Something else I find really weird is that I’ve mentioned wanting lip filler before, and he always tells me how disgusting he thinks it looks. But almost every woman he searches for has a CRAZY lip filler, huge BBLs, and obviously enhanced features. In addition, when I post a bikini picture, it’s a huge issue and I’m for “everyone” but he likes looking at other girls in bikinis. So how does that make sense?

I genuinely don’t understand how someone can be so sexually interested in one specific body type online but then date someone who looks completely different.

I know people can find different body types attractive, but when you’re constantly seeking out the SAME exaggerated features over and over again, doesn’t that say something about what you’re actually most attracted to?

It makes me wonder whether he genuinely finds my body attractive or if he’s just settling for what’s available to him in real life.

We’ve been intimate throughout our relationship, and he tells me he’s attracted to me, but it’s becoming really hard to believe him when I see what he consistently looks at behind my back.

So I genuinely want to hear from men, especially those who are in long-term relationships:

Can you actually be extremely attracted to your girlfriend or wife even if she looks absolutely nothing like the women you search for or fantasize about online? Is it possible to have such different preferences, or does it mean you’re more sexually attracted to those women than your actual partner?

I’m not looking for reassurance just to make myself feel better. I genuinely want honest answers because I’m having a hard time understanding how you can be attracted to someone and seek something else all the time. Don’t sugarcoat please

Omg I’m sorry talk I just saw to not post this type of stuff you can take this down if you want I’m just genuinely curious. I know all men watch that stuff.

My boyfriend 29M and I 30F have been dating about a year now. A few months into our relationship I saw he paid a girl to get access to her sexual content. I was gonna break it off bc that’s cheating to me. He begged and pleaded that he would never do that again. I told him it hurts bc he was seeking out specific women’s content AND paying for it. He said he wouldn’t do it again.

A couple months later, I saw he was looking at specific women again. Now I feel my insecurities rising because I don’t look like the women in the porn he’s watching. When I talked to him about it, he said that he’ll stop with the porn. I told him if that’s what he wants to do however, it’s hypocritical bc I watch porn too. He said he doesn’t want to hurt me so he will stop.

More recently, we got into a fight and after we resolved, I saw he masterbated while I wasn’t there. I brought this up to him due to the past stuff and was vulnerable with my feelings that he waited to do that while we were arguing and I was sad and upset that we were fighting. He got a little defensive and I told him I’m not attacking him, I just want him to understand why I got quiet since he was asking what was wrong. I asked if he watched porn and he told me no.

Now I know he has watched porn but at the time I asked he told me no. For some context, he treats me so kind and well. Always taking care of me and is physically and emotionally attracted to me as I am him. I always feel desired by him but the specific porn makes me feel insecure and I’m comparing myself to the women he looks at.

My question is: is it really that bad to watch porn or him having specific porn he looks at(that doesn’t look like me)? I’m more hurt with the fact that he lied about doing it than that he does. Would me saying that porn for the both of us is a dealbreaker be too much? Bc obviously I’m not okay with it since I’m on here asking for advice or if it’s a big deal when my brain is making it huge.

Hello! I’m trying to gauge on whether or not this is all in my head or if I need to continue to give something time. I matched with somebody on Facebook dating, we chitchatted back-and-forth like a message or two a day. This all started about approximately two weeks ago. We are now texting back-and-forth but only a message or so from them once a day. The message is always pretty lengthy and it looks like they seem to be interested in everything that we talk about but I am used to texting back-and-forth throughout the day multiple times. Does this mean they are not interested, or maybe they are just slow to getting to know people? Men I need your advice thank you

Been getting to know a girl for just under 2 months now, going well spent a few nights together but she is very hot and cold, we talk every day but both decided we don’t want a relationship right now. I’m very curious how she would act if someone else approached her. Would she get with them? Would she entertain it? And most importantly what would she say? “Sorry I’m seeing someone” “I’m not looking for a relationship” “Im seeing someone but open to seeing another” is it toxic that I want to know?

In (M)y 25 years of existence believe me I dont know how to lead in a relationship. To all the guys out there please give me some two cents of advise on how to lead in a relationship.

I need some hope lol. My first bf (who is also my ex was physically abusive) and then I dated someone for 1.5 yrs who was cheating the entire time. I’m scared to date anyone again.

I wish to know this, because I'm in the situation where I want to confirm if I exaggerate or not.

Is it normal to sexualize women so much to the point that when a woman is seen on the street and is found sexy a man immediately fantasizes that he is in a sexual position with her and also doing it while your girlfriend/wife is next to you and also fantasizing the same way with your girlfriend/wife female friends?

Quick context:

I'm 29 but I feel like I'm 21 relationship-wise because I count having lost my virginity at 26 and felt this compensating pressure to play "catch-up" ever since.

Over the past three years, I've paced myself by hooking up with one new girl a month on average. Of those 36-ish girls, I've had situationships with like 15 of them. Situationships meaning a relationship-y friend with benefits dynamic where they're typically only seeing me sexually but there's no pressure for me to do the same since we haven't established anything.

I stopped seeing most of them because of circumstances with my living situation (which is going to change next year for the better) but of those 15 women, I ended up choosing to keep seeing three of them for longer than four months because the girls were really sweet so I was open to it. These were closer to a relationship vibe in terms of commitment and sexual exclusivity from both sides.

The situation:

With that context time in mind, regarding those three longer situationships, they were sweet girls. Also cute. They didn't expect much. All they wanted from me was my presence and to be myself.

I literally have nothing bad to say about them. Hell, although I don't stay in touch with any of these girls anymore, if I knew a great guy and they were looking for one, I would be happy to hook them up because I have zero ego about it and only goodwill for them.

If anything, I feel guilt for just abruptly ending things how I did to where I really do wish they find their happiness and a dude who wants something serious with them and can make them as happy as possible, unlike me.

I typically found myself ending things with them around the 8-month mark, just under a year. Typically, it's when things are moving towards getting more enmeshed in her friend group, meeting her family, or spending more than once or twice a week together.

At first, I notice myself getting more and more bored of the relationship routine after a few months and wanting novelty but suppressing the urge and feeling guilty. Then as soon as I feel that pressure coming up to progress things, I have this overwhelming urge to run away and end things. On one hand, I feel cowardly about it, but on the other hand, I wonder if it just forces me to confront if I really see a future with the girl in question. I'm not sure.

I'll feel sad about it for the next week after I officially end things and I still have love for them as people even years later, but in terms of emotional or romantic attachment, nothing really. It's more like how I'd feel towards a friend I haven't seen in a long time that only did right by me and that I wish the best for.

Maybe therapy? Would appreciate advice.

I met a guy I really clicked with. At first, he was really into me, had become attached, and was potentially considering something serious. The problem was that I had just come out of a breakup and was quite guarded, so I wasn’t really matching the level of effort he was putting in.
Eventually, he started protecting himself emotionally, and his interest faded. We then went a while without talking.
Later on, he reached out on his own and suggested that we see each other again. We met up, but I felt like the connection we had wasn’t really the same anymore. A few days later, I suggested doing an activity together again. He replied enthusiastically: “Yeeeees, when??” But when I had a more honest conversation with him, I eventually realized that he was actually only “somewhat keen” to see me again and that his interest had definitely gone down.
He did, however, make it clear that he’d had a really good time with me the last time we saw each other.
I told him that if the feeling wasn’t mutual, I didn’t want to force things. He replied that I was right to bring it up, because he probably would have just let the situation drag on without saying anything to me.
We also joked about how the roles had reversed: at the beginning, he was the one who was really into me, while I was the distant one.
Since then, we haven’t really talked, although he did react to one of my stories.
What I don’t understand is why he took the initiative to reach out to me again and seemed so enthusiastic about the idea of seeing each other, when in the end, he admitted that he was only somewhat keen.
Did he genuinely want to see me again at the time? Was he simply trying to reconnect a little and get back some of the connection we used to have? Or was he willing to see me without really knowing what he wanted? How can I explain this discrepancy between his apparent enthusiasm and what he eventually told me?

Would prefer advice from an older more mature group.

I am a 33M virgin, for various reasons, career focused, bodily shame about small penis size, and grew up in religious household.

I am now seeing a girl where we have been friends for 10 years. Back in her college days she was a bit sexual (not a lot by most standards), and we met in an online group.

That group was vulgar, and she shared details like giving oral to a guy, who her partners were, specific acts, and gave nudes to a guy who released them to my closest friends.

I love her, and many things about her, and don’t blame her for that time of her life. And I have no concerns about the current version of her.

But I can’t help but get fleeting intrusive thoughts, about my friends seeing/having naked pictures of her, and everyone knowing what sexual acts she did and with whom.

I don’t resent her, but I feel I resent my only friend group. And I don’t want to just make new friends, as I’ve known them my whole life, and am socially awkward.

I am just wondering, if anyone has been able to mentally let go of a partners past, without letting it effect them mentally. I already don’t dwell on it all day, but the thoughts enter for seconds here and there

Like does it even matter, if it’s good would it convince you to give her a chance?

Thanks

i’m asking because I have been with my boyfriend for around 2 years, and before we started dating he would constantly jerk off to curvy looking women. by contrast, I have had a tiny ass and a small frame for most of my life and I hate it. My boyfriend constantly says he loves my body but I really dont believe him anymore. I mean everywhere you look in media, hot women are always curvy with huge asses. the top of creators are women with hourglass figures. flat women get made fun of online.

He’s in college right now and so many of his peers have a body that I would kill for. it makes me so fucking mad that he’s around them all the time. I have been working out my legs most of my life but i get in these depressive cycles where I stop eating and doing physical activity so I have never had an amazing ass. its becoming harder and harder to believe my boyfriend is actually attracted to me. I have been with ugly guys before and i was able to “pavlov’s dog” myself into being attracted to them and i’m worried he’s doing something similar here.

So anyways, i’m wondering if any gen Z men have any insight on this, are skinny girls still considered attractive?