I have been living in NYC. I live in a shared tiny 2 bedroom apartment in Manhattan. I pay well under 2000 a month. And that is because I live in a less desirable (but still relatively safe) neighborhood.

Just 2 years ago I was in a luxury 2 bedroom highrise with an incredible view. It was great but I could never keep money in my bank account

I’m a senior software engineer witu 25 years experience. I don’t make an enormous salary anymore but I do ok. I could most certainly afford a $4500 a month apartment in midtown or a $3800 in a trendy Brooklyn neighborhood.

But i have learned to live well below my means. Sure every once in awhile I will do something nice for myself . I am a foodie. I like a good restaurant with ambiance. But I have learned that luxury is a trap

I often see people moving to NYC with salaries much lower than mine. And the first questions they’re asking are about 2 to 3 bedroom apartments in trendy neighborhoods.

As I get older I’ve actually learned that lifestyle is the trap. Lots of things regarding lifestyle are things we really don’t need. I make less than I did when I lived in my mockery highrise (in a far cheaper city than NyC). Yet somehow I am saving more money. And it is because 3 years ago I fell for the trap of lifestyle escalation.

And I think anytime people reach milestones they do immediately escalate their lifestyle. Or try to have lifestyle parity when they move. And that is how you run into financial ruin.

I think that is the cheat code to adulting. Figure out the most minimal way you can live. It’s easy to do that when you’re broke. It’s harder to do it when you don’t have to. But consider the job market, how often you are laid off, how one decision or email from HR can change your life. And we start to realize tomorrow is never guaranteed. It has taken the world fall beneath my feet a few times to realize that I needed to free myself from the golden handcuffs.

Again I make decent money. I could probably go after more if I tried to do the resume grind. But the key is I don’t have to get a max salary. I can live just fine. So when I get laid off I have a cushion and I am also able to take a little less pay if push comes to shove.

Living below your means isn’t just a budget strategy it’s an entire mindset shift. And it’s not always very easy to accept. I have peers still holding onto lifestyles when it’s clearly working against them. So try not to be that person

I’m 29, I’ve been poor my entire life. I’m currently working at Lowe’s, I’ve had 15+ entry level jobs up until this point, Home Depot, Burger King, your local gas station, door to door sales, call centers, security, you name it. I’m currently studying coding to maybe give myself a better opportunity. So I want you the reader to know this isn’t coming from a place of laziness, unintelligence, or complacency. If I had to guess I’m about even or maybe a little under your average poor 29 year old right now. I don’t have the energy to do it anymore, I have a shift in about an hour in a half, and I’m dreading having to spend six more hours in a place that I genuinely hate being in, and then I’ll have to do it tomorrow, and then 8 hours the next day, and the next day. And not doing it isn’t a choice because I have to pay rent, and buy food. I’ve ran out of all the “mental health” days I’ve given myself, because retail jobs don’t really do mental health days. I genuinely can’t do it anymore, and I’m not sure what that means for me.

I have dreams, I want to write comic books, maybe start a lil band and perform wherever and whenever I want, we don’t even have to be big I just want to perform. I’m a gamer, I’ve been a gamer since I was at least 9, I’ve written fully detailed scripts, functions, aesthetics, plot lines and gaming devices for things that only exist in my head. I have a fucking Batman story written down that would genuinely make you cry, and then leave you with a sense of hope at the end, and it’s not “oh my friend wrote this thing and it’s kinda cool” good it’s GOOD, it’s genuinely so good. And it will never be published, because I don’t know anyone at DC, I have no prior comic book experience and by the time I got out of my previous environment and into an environment where I can think about these things a bit more in depth, about who I am and what I want beyond survival, next thing I know I’m 29 and I got bills to pay.

I don’t even know what I’m asking for posting this, maybe just to see if I’m the only one failing at life this hard, I don’t know. And the fact that I keep saying I don’t know to things I used to know horrifies me. I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t even really want to code I just happen to be good at
It, and it’ll at least pay me enough to not live in a mold infested apartment in the middle of nowhere. I don’t know. But it feels like I’m going to die without living as who I am in my head. Or at least getting the chance to try. I don’t know.

Seneca wrote an entire essay, On the Shortness of Life, arguing that life isn't actually short, we just spend most of it on things that don't count as living. His line for it is something like: we aren't given a short life, we make it short by how we spend it. He wasn't talking about laziness. He was talking about people who are constantly, visibly busy, buried in errands, obligations, other people's emergencies, anything that fills the hours without ever being chosen on purpose. His point was that being occupied and being alive are not the same thing, and most people only notice the difference once it's too late to do much about it. That's basically the entire feeling of adulting, isn't it. The to do list that regenerates itself the moment you finish it. The sense that you're managing a life instead of living one. Seneca's answer wasn't "do less," it was closer to "notice what's actually yours versus what's just noise wearing a deadline." Some of what fills your week is genuinely load-bearing. A lot of it is just motion that got mistaken for progress because it was urgent. What's one thing you cut out of your routine that turned out to be exactly that, urgent but never actually necessary? And what filled the space it left behind?

Be honest - how much does your household pay in car payments a month?

We used to pay $800 a month, but have now paid both vehicles off. Not sure I’ll ever be able to go back to having a car payment. They can be suffocating each month.

Im from Toronto and im very close to giving up. I graduated nursing school and now the job market here is god awful. So I wasted the last 5 years of my life and all the resources I had to actually pivot to a worthwhile career and I blew it.

I did what everyone said, get the degree and there will be endless opportunities in nursing which was a lie. I left a decent job in insurance, to go work as a student nurse for less pay this past year only for the hospital to let us all go after graduating cause the province is on a hiring freeze now and cutting health care spending.

I’ve tried applying all over Ontario and other provinces but I cant land anything, not even the minimum wage jobs or entry level stuff I started applying to outside of nursing. After hundreds and hundreds of nursing applications all over the gta and country now I’m trying to turn to the US but that’s a long process and now that I’ve begone researching I probably won’t have the money to actually do the visa process anyways which might get fucked anyways with the current politics.

my debt is mounting and I’m now on my last $300 which needs to last me until my bday in late November and idk how I’m gonna get there without either selling my body or possessions at this point. I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to just give up and let the debt consume me and stop caring because the constant stress of trying to make it to the next day, week, month etc is killing me. I can’t keep trying to better myself only to get knocked down year after year no matter what.

During college, I could take a 12-hour overnight bus, survive on junk food, wander around the city for two days straight, and show up for class on Monday totally fine. Now that I work a 9-to-5, traveling hits way differently. Last weekend I took a short trip, got back home Sunday night, and by Monday morning at work my brain was completely fried. I wasn't even doing anything crazy on the trip just regular sightseeing.

I've realized that if I don't keep at least half a day buffer before work to just do laundry, order takeout, and stare at the ceiling, the whole week is ruined. When did travel go from chaotic adventure to I need to check the hotel bed mattress reviews and sleep by 11 PM? What's something small you started prioritizing on trips that you never cared about a few years ago?

There’s no such thing as a “good day” every day is a “bad day” you’re always one day away from being homeless or worse happening to you this is so miserable and so terrible i’ve already accepted nothing will change

Last year I self-published my debut novel, Critical Balance, in August. Since then I've been hard at work on the sequel.

2026 has been a hard year. In January I had to put my sweet cat of 17 years to sleep due to kidney disease. It was awful. Then in the spring we had to move out of our home and find a new one. That took over two months during which time we had to live in Airbnbs and hotels. We finally found a house, moved in, and then my wife got laid off from her job because her position was replaced by AI.

Despite all of that, I managed to finish the first draft of the new novel, Citizen Zero, and now I've finished the second draft. I was hoping to get it published this year, but that doesn't seem realistic at this point, as I still want to send it out to alpha and beta readers, get feedback, and then do at least a couple more revisions. My debut novel went through seven revisions before I felt it was ready to publish.

I'm over the moon that I've made so much progress on this book! It was a lot of work, and at times extremely difficult, but it was also a joy to create. I can't wait for people to read it, and I'm especially looking forward to hearing what readers of the first book think of it.

I feel like writing these two books have been the most adulting things I've done, other than getting married. I still kind of feel like a kid inside, though.

https://www.amazon.com/Critical-Balance-Lex-Starwalker/dp/B0FMCKXNDG

I (26f) was broken up with about 5 weeks ago and it sort of blindsided me. We’d been together for a little over a year and a half and in that time, we both started new jobs and moved out of our parents houses, about 40 minutes from where we are from. We didn’t move in together but had plans to eventually. We no longer speak.

I’ve always been fine with being alone, I love to read and watch tv and go on hikes and spend time by myself. I spend a lot of time journaling. I’ve gotten into running lately too. I have friends and family I am fortunate enough to spend time with on the weekends, for the most part.

But yesterday, I was eating dinner and watching a show, which normally I enjoy doing and suddenly I was just overwhelmed by loneliness. I live with my friend, but she is usually at her boyfriend’s. And all I could think about was how I pretty much eat every meal alone (in my bed, which used to feel luxurious and no longer does) , I walk and run alone, I watch shows and movies alone. I used to have someone to eat dinner with at least twice a week and spend time with and talk to and now I am just by myself for the most part.

I have a pretty high stress job and I’m almost grateful for it because it keeps me busy but I can go pretty much all day without interacting with coworkers, even though I try. I used to look forward to debriefing our days and seeing him and now I try to look forward to running or watching a documentary. I go to bed early because I run out of things to do. The other day I had to stay up late waiting for a work thing to come in and I did not know what to do with myself.

My friends and siblings all have partners, and they are all wonderful. But I feel like the third wheel and acutely feel my ex-boyfriend’s absence in family situations and with my friends. Everyone has their own lives and sometimes I feel like I am intruding.

I know everyone says that I will have to get comfortable being alone, but I don’t think I want to be alone all of the time. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my own company or do fun things by myself. I really like myself. It’s just being by myself all the time is not what I want.

I think I’m going to try to join a book club at the library or the gym or something. I thought about therapy, not because I feel like I need it, but just so I would have something to do. I even got to a point where I thought maybe I need a pet. I considered starting dating again just so I would have someone to eat dinner with or mini golf or something, but I’m not ready and I know I’m just lonely. This is all so difficult.

Knowing what you know, what would you tell your 40 year old self?

Idk, iv‘e been feeling very down lately for my career choices and also personal ones, does anyone else feel like their wasting their time?

I’m only 20 yet everything hurts and there’s nothing anyone can do about it

Male, 32, London.

I've worked as a field service engineer for 15 years straight out of school, working on kitchen appliances and building a career in that.

Althought i have acquired skills and a good background of being handy and able to fix anything I've gotten to the point where i just wasnt passionate about it anymore and not progressed to where i wanted in life so I quit my job and was going travelling to enjoy life and heal my soul.

Cant go travlling now as a family member is terminal ill so have chosen to stay and spend time with them which in the grand scheme of things, is totally fine with me.

But since being out of work, i'm now at the point where I just dont know what to do anymore. I wanted to upskill into doing my refrigeration F gas but its a high cost and availability dates are next year march... I was hoping to have left the UK at this point to go travelling around australia for 2 years.

Im now stuck in a country im not happy in, looking at jobs to cover me for the next 3-6 months to keep me financially afloat and prevent using too much savings.

The problem i have is The more I look, the less I want to work. This isnt a matter of laziness or wanting to sit on my ass 24/7. I just want to be free. To enjoy what little life we have. Maybe I am deeping this too much but after losing a younger brother a few years ago and being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, its just put life into perspective and made me realise how short and sweet it is.

I've applied for similar jobs in the sector, entry level in different careers, also looked at the govt skills bootcamp site rewritten way too many CVs just to beef up experience in other fields but No job feels attainable or preferable right now.

Like, whats the point? Why do i have to spend my time doing something im not passionate about for 8-10 hours a day, day in, day out, breaking my body to make somebody else rich.

After a long career in a physically demanding and mentally demanding customer facing role..I just dont have the energy for it, or for much else if im honest.

Ideally id love to be working outdoors, doing something different that I enjoy. But the lovely winter weather is coming so jobs like that are less in demand now

Why does life have to be like this?

I dont know where to start, what to apply for and what I want anymore.

I dont really know what in expecting in reply to this post. I giess i just need to vent and after being here for a while, ive seen just how many others are experiencing the same.

Burnout is an understatement right now.