bit of a rant. currently living in a tent in the back of a warehouse. i’m 20. making barely enough money to cover food, just from dog sitting for someone i know personally. any other necessity is met by the building i’m in, owned by my extended family. there’s a bathroom with a shower that the people employed here don’t even use. i’m allowed to charge my phone and hot plate from an outlet. i drink water from the sink. i sleep on the floor with a singular moving blanket on the concrete. barely ever do i go outside. there’s a beautiful park within walking distance, but i rarely have the motivation to even get up and use the bathroom or heat something up to eat.

what am i even doing? don’t want a house, or to rent, or to have a 9-5. am i just a selfish bum? am i just mooching off of everyone around me when they every once in a while buy me something to eat?

there’s just no motivation to live. i’ve always been severely depressed. there’s no money in my pocket. there’s nobody texting me. i hate to burden family with my mess, so i ask them for nothing.

what is the point? how does one just grow up and “do what you need to do”? i’m at a loss for what other alternative there is to basic adulting that we’re told is necessary.

maybe i should stop eating until i can afford a backpack. pack what few clothes i have and the tent. have my birth certificate, state ID, and ged certificate. at least i’ve gotten those. can one even get a job with just that?
gym membership would be necessary for shower and pastime. could try applying to a kennel to do overnight cleaning or something so i don’t have to interact with people.

where does that even get me? there’s no goal. the only thing that’s ever piqued my interest is the idea of making my way over to the pnw somehow and volunteering at state parks. eventually seeing if doing paid fire watch for a few months would make me feel like i’m doing something important, and would it give me a place to stay. there’s some sort of income.

maybe i just need to rescue a dog so i have a reason to keep making money? that worked when i was a teenager until i left home. i function infinitely better when i dog sit. rescuing could not only give me a purpose but also the companion i desperately need. maybe that’s all there is to my life. maybe i have nothing else to offer.

idk what i’m even doing. tired now, sorry for the rant. thoughts?

I am a huge control freak due to my anxiety + my autism makes me absolutely hate being told what to do pretty much ever. I deal with that bcs im an adult and have a full time job and parents exist and whatnot, but dont want anyone to tell me how to live my life. Im willing to compromise or discuss it, but I really dislike flat out being told that I cant make certain decisions (unless those decisions include quitting my job when it isnt financially feasible, drunk driving, cheating, stuff like that. Thats reasonable.)

I heavily dislike the idea of sharing finances. I dont like being reliant on anyone bcs ive been stuck in a lot of abusive situations due to not having financial independence. I dont want to be told I cant get a tattoo bcs my partner doesnt like it. I dont want to have to ask my partners' permission to stay out late or spend money.

as a teen, i saw an episode of big bang theory where there was a big conflict bcs the main married couple girl found out the other had a seperate bank account and i thought "ok... but whats the issue? am i missing some context?" and it made me start to wonder if i should even get married. I dont want to be financially tied to someone who could later turn out to be abusive.

I really want to get married, but I dont want anyone controlling me financially especially. It makes me feel very unsafe.

When I graduated college, my life was very promising. I landed a good paying job.. sadly I quit it a few weeks later for no good reason.

Then I landed a much lower paying job a few months later but left it to pursue a better paying career

Unfortunately I let myself be a cliche and ruined my life by chasing after my ex. I lost the job and now I’m unemployed. I had all the opportunities in the world when I was 22-24 but tossed them off like I’d have infinite chances. Now I’m 25 and stuck in a horrible job market. I could’ve been moved out by now if I stuck to my job and didn’t do dumb things in my personal life.

What’s funny is he’s not even special to me anymore, he became a smoker and hangs around weird people. I completely regret chasing after him last year. I’ve been single for two years, don’t feel the need to be in a relationship but still sucks I have to keep rebuilding my life. I had close friends after the breakup that ended as well.

My life is always about starting over and it sucks.

I've come to realize that life isn’t all about happiness and beautiful things. I understand that I have to face and overcome life’s responsibilities, decisions, and challenges on my own… and that’s the reality of life.

And I am not married yet.

I think my biggest fear right now is that I'll get bored of my future wife and stop being attracted to her. I tend to get bored of things rapidly be it video games or hobbies. It's scary to think about it.

I have coffee on daily basis and occasionally some energy drinks. But recently I noticed that it doesn’t do anything to me, it actually makes me more sleepy now😭 and tbh now that I think of it, i don’t think it ever did anything before I just like the caffeine i guess. I am writing this after i had coffee and an energy drink and now I am struggling to finish my shift, i feel tired and sleepy. Is there an alternative that would keep me awake during work? I’d like to mention that some days I don’t finish my drink and some days I drink like 4 shots of espresso.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I was taking a walk with my friend today and it was the first time I got to be out with her and her 4 month old boy. It was so nice and cute. We were walking and she was pushing him in his stroller as a mother does and we are just talking. We pass This older man sitting on a bench and he says something on the line of “let her push the stroller so she can learn.” We both just awkwardly laughed but i am now home and I am dumbfounded by why he would say that. I am not insulted or anything but I am genuinely curious as to why he looked at us and i guess something about me made him say that…no? I mean I am 28, my friend is 35. Nothing unusual. Does anyone know what made him say that. 😂 Did I look lazy or something just because I wasn’t pushing the stroller. What an odd thing to say.

I keep moving from place to place. Feeling some existential restlessness. I want to live my life to the fullest, and therefore I keep moving. I never live the same place for a long time, or keep the same job. I also tend to travel a lot.

Right now I feel like I’m in a crisis. I quit my kindergarten job, and said goodbye to my apartment, so that I can go solo travel. But I realise my kindergarten job was really meaningful to me. Still I don’t know if it is for me in the long run. I consider making a shift in priorities and choosing stability over travel and experiences. So that my nervous system and feeling of belonging and evolve. Do you have thoughts on this?

Idk, iv‘e been feeling very down lately for my career choices and also personal ones, does anyone else feel like their wasting their time?

I have made so much money in gift cards using the capital one shopping app. There are frequently large cashback offers like $30 or $50 back on websites I need to purchase on anyway. I feel like it’s an invasion of privacy since it tracks the websites I’m on but it pays so well that I just let it. If you use my referral code we both get $80 :)

Curious to hear experiences and stories about people who completely changed direction in life, whether it be wild career change, move to a different country, going back to school, etc. Looking for some motivation that it’s never too late to change your path!!

Knowing what you know, what would you tell your 40 year old self?

I (26f) was broken up with about 5 weeks ago and it sort of blindsided me. We’d been together for a little over a year and a half and in that time, we both started new jobs and moved out of our parents houses, about 40 minutes from where we are from. We didn’t move in together but had plans to eventually. We no longer speak.

I’ve always been fine with being alone, I love to read and watch tv and go on hikes and spend time by myself. I spend a lot of time journaling. I’ve gotten into running lately too. I have friends and family I am fortunate enough to spend time with on the weekends, for the most part.

But yesterday, I was eating dinner and watching a show, which normally I enjoy doing and suddenly I was just overwhelmed by loneliness. I live with my friend, but she is usually at her boyfriend’s. And all I could think about was how I pretty much eat every meal alone (in my bed, which used to feel luxurious and no longer does) , I walk and run alone, I watch shows and movies alone. I used to have someone to eat dinner with at least twice a week and spend time with and talk to and now I am just by myself for the most part.

I have a pretty high stress job and I’m almost grateful for it because it keeps me busy but I can go pretty much all day without interacting with coworkers, even though I try. I used to look forward to debriefing our days and seeing him and now I try to look forward to running or watching a documentary. I go to bed early because I run out of things to do. The other day I had to stay up late waiting for a work thing to come in and I did not know what to do with myself.

My friends and siblings all have partners, and they are all wonderful. But I feel like the third wheel and acutely feel my ex-boyfriend’s absence in family situations and with my friends. Everyone has their own lives and sometimes I feel like I am intruding.

I know everyone says that I will have to get comfortable being alone, but I don’t think I want to be alone all of the time. It’s not that I don’t enjoy my own company or do fun things by myself. I really like myself. It’s just being by myself all the time is not what I want.

I think I’m going to try to join a book club at the library or the gym or something. I thought about therapy, not because I feel like I need it, but just so I would have something to do. I even got to a point where I thought maybe I need a pet. I considered starting dating again just so I would have someone to eat dinner with or mini golf or something, but I’m not ready and I know I’m just lonely. This is all so difficult.

Im in my final year in college and I honestly feel like Im not gonna have any college friends after I graduate in total I basically have only 4 friends I have two others but those are more like acquaintances they never reach out to me it’s always me reaching out to them to hangout and talk.

Im from Toronto and im very close to giving up. I graduated nursing school and now the job market here is god awful. So I wasted the last 5 years of my life and all the resources I had to actually pivot to a worthwhile career and I blew it.

I did what everyone said, get the degree and there will be endless opportunities in nursing which was a lie. I left a decent job in insurance, to go work as a student nurse for less pay this past year only for the hospital to let us all go after graduating cause the province is on a hiring freeze now and cutting health care spending.

I’ve tried applying all over Ontario and other provinces but I cant land anything, not even the minimum wage jobs or entry level stuff I started applying to outside of nursing. After hundreds and hundreds of nursing applications all over the gta and country now I’m trying to turn to the US but that’s a long process and now that I’ve begone researching I probably won’t have the money to actually do the visa process anyways which might get fucked anyways with the current politics.

my debt is mounting and I’m now on my last $300 which needs to last me until my bday in late November and idk how I’m gonna get there without either selling my body or possessions at this point. I’ve reached a point where I’m ready to just give up and let the debt consume me and stop caring because the constant stress of trying to make it to the next day, week, month etc is killing me. I can’t keep trying to better myself only to get knocked down year after year no matter what.

Link: https://rutgers.ca1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0iUKs9SjdeRTDXE 

This is an academic study with IRB approval.