He met and was with him ex during a time we were broken up, and not on speaking terms. He told me he didn’t intend to get into a relationship with her, that she threw herself at him, and he didn’t want to reject her. He said he wasn’t fully attracted to her due to her weight, but slept with her to avoid hurting her feelings, and claimed he struggled during it. He told me he broke up with her because he wasn’t over me. He claimed she slandered him and called her crazy. He met his former friend after that online, and then in person. He sent me screenshots of her telling him he was cuter in person. He told me she made advances on him, which he turned down, because he still had feelings for me. All of this occurred when we knew each other online.
He argued with me over not wanting to be sexual, and made me feel pressured to be. I was overweight, which he said he didn’t mind, and I lost weight before we met. He rejected me. He shamed me for trying, and told me he said he wouldn’t be the same way in person. I lost more weight and he came onto me, but it felt forced. I spoke to his ex, who told me he said he’d two time, and he said she was lying to make him look bad. For a year he turned me down frequently and made me feel unwanted. He told me he had OCD about not finding me attractive. He started meds he claimed killed his libido. I spoke to his former friend, who told me he came onto her. She said he spoke to her when she was underage, touched himself on video chats, and badmouthed me.
He said she was the one who touched herself and the rest of it was lies. I lost more weight, and he showed more interest in me, telling me if I looked as I did then whenever we met he would’ve been all over me. He claimed to have low libido still but I caught him looking at porn, which he denied, and then said was to test himself. I started to suspect he was cheating for many reasons, something which he accused me of online. When I began to question him, he called me paranoid and crazy, and turned it around on me saying I was the type to cheat, that I would do so thinking he had. He snooped on my phone but slapped my hand away from his. He questioned me whenever I did any of what he was doing, but called me controlling and abusive for questioning him.
For years this went on, with him acknowledging a lot of what he did was suspicious, but getting angry with me for thinking he had cheated. I never felt good enough. He turned me down in lingerie, and went soft on me, but posted photos of me on here asking other guys would do to me. He briefly spoke sexually to one of them and said it was because he was married, and he wanted to out him. He didn’t touch me during sex, didn’t seem to care about my pleasure, and later told me he feared losing his erection. He told me he felt asexual sometimes and then I’d catch him ogling other women, staring at their backsides, which he denied or had other reasons for. After agreeing it would be wrong to do around me, he defended noticing other attractive women, and said he’s married not dead.
He acted like I said he never could, even when I wasn’t around, and called me controlling and insecure. My ex from online, when I was 13, who I broke up with, and remained friends with for years reached out to me. He demanded I didn’t talk to him, and said it was inappropriate because I had moaned for him, likening it to him speaking to his ex who he knew in person and slept with. I regained weight, and he showed less interest, blaming meds, and telling me it had nothing to do with my weight and never did. But then he repeatedly insulted me during arguments telling me I let myself go, calling me fat and ugly, and saying guys prefer thinner women. He said he didn’t mean it, said it to hurt me, and still found me attractive but his actions suggested otherwise.
He added a female acquaintance, who he said he didn’t know, was married, and that he was never going to talk to. He made me unfriend a longtime male friend he suspected liked me, amongst other things, and I asked him to unfriend her due to the lack of trust. He went off at me, called me controlling, and agreed to do it after an upcoming reunion he told me prior to adding her he wasn’t going to. He said he might go, she’d be there, and would ask why he unfriended her. He said it would be awkward. He didn’t go, but didn’t unfriend her, until I mentioned it again and he went off like before. He reluctantly unfriended her. A month later he not only went off at me again, he contraindicated what he told me about how little he knew her, and when he last saw her.
He eventually told me she wasn’t married, during a conversation about boundaries and opposite sex friendships, in which he called me controlling over my stance which is that I don’t agree with close, new friendships, when in a relationship. He posed a hypothetical scenario of working a job, and a female coworker asking to add him on Facebook, and how it would be awkward to say no. He acted like I said he could never communicate with a female coworker/other women because I didn’t agree with adding them on Facebook, and said there were other places he could do so which were more professional. He then went into defending adding random women as being normal, telling me that other people do it, including his friends.
A random guy asked to add me after that, and I asked if I could, and he said no. He said that agreed with not adding people of the opposite sex. I asked why he told me his female acquaintance was married, when she wasn’t, and he ended up telling me he went on her profile and noticed she was with a different guy. He swore he didn’t like her, wasn’t attracted to her, and called her annoying. Any time I mentioned her, and question his intentions, he’d cuss me out. He admitted to over exaggerating how little he liked his ex so I’d be more likely to take him back. I caught him looking at his former friend’s YouTube channel, and he said he was just curious.
I said perhaps what she told me was true and he denied that, and said she was crazy. He started a class a few years ago. He told me he didn’t interact with the women in the class much or at all. There were things that suggested otherwise which he told me, and interactions with them in group chats, which I questioned since he appeared to be trying to hide it. He went off at me, accusing me of being upset he was talking to women, and calling me insecure. He denied doing something with a woman he said he sat beside, who I hadn’t accused him of doing anything with, and said he’d message her and make me look crazy. I reached for his phone and he twisted my finger. He said he felt accused.
A female classmate mentioned going out to eat with him, when he was with me, and he told her that. Then another female classmate asked if he wanted to ride up to class with her. He didn’t go, said he didn’t want to, but also said it wouldn’t have been inappropriate if he had. He told he had to go somewhere, not that he was with me that day, and that it was a pity as going with her would’ve been a good way to practice. He said he worried he’d make her feel rejected. I asked if he’d be okay with me going up to a class with a male classmate and he said it would depend, that he’d have to trust the guy. He swore everyone in his class knows he’s married, but said some may have forgotten, and for a while he didn’t wear his wedding ring claiming it was too tight.
He has since admitted to having touched himself on video chat with his former friend. He said he didn’t want to tell me because it would suggest the other things she said were true, and they weren’t. He said he felt guilty keeping it from me. Then he minimised, insisting he didn’t lie to me as I said he did, and criticising me for reaching out to her and his ex, calling me psycho. Of course, he expects me to move past that like everything else, though he acknowledged it would further erode trust.
