I suspected that I had vaginismus a while ago when I tried to have penetrative sex for the first time in my life. I had expected a little pain with penetration, but not the kind I experienced during it. A while later we tried again, and I had a panic attack before he even started inserting. After that I decided to buy some dilators and go to pelvic floor therapy. That was a little over 3 months ago.

Since then, I have been dilating almost every day, and was able to progress relatively quickly. During that time I had not attempted PIV, as I knew it would still hurt extremely. I used a vibrator that resembles my bf’s penis to dilate, to try and get myself used to it before trying to have sex. Well, last night I was confident I could fit him and it worked! It wasn’t particularly comfortable/pleasurable, but i’m still really happy we were able to have sex without pain!

I’ve been going to the gym and recently started doing a lot of glute activation/ hip stretches before my leg and glute day. It’s made a huge difference for my gym progress, but also I think I also am starting to feel less restricted/ tight down there in general. I was always really inflexible when I was younger, and just thought it was the way I was, but now I’m starting to think it’s all related to vaginismus and SA. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Has your vaginismus gotten better through working on your tight hips or did you still have to do pelvic floor therapy? I’m terrified of pelvic floor therapy as it sounds super invasive to me.

Has anyone else had the same experience with their OB-GYN suggesting a vaginal birth will “fix” their vaginismus?

I was diagnosed with vaginismus a little over a year ago and at first i was making great progress. From not even a qtip to the second biggest dilator in my set. However now my progress feels stagnant.
For months i have been stuck on the same dilator size, no improvement in sight. I have lost all my motivation, I barely dilate to begin with, but because I know nothing is happening.
Everyone swears on diaphragmatic breathing but I just can’t seem to get it right. I feel broken why do I not even understand something as innate as breathing…
If you have any tips or videos that make it easier for me to understand then please share them with me. I dont even understand how to breathe out for longer than 3 seconds, im out of breath after 2. Im so close to giving all up completely.
And no PT is unfortunately not an option for me right now.

Has anyone had a partner who felt like you weren’t sexually compatible because you don’t enjoy the same things?
My husband feels like we’re sexually incompatible because I don’t seem to enjoy the things he enjoys. But I feel like he doesn’t fully understand how much vaginismus and my past sexual experiences have affected me. Sex hasn’t really been pleasurable for me, and it’s affected my confidence a lot. I’m only now starting to understand all of this through sex therapy.
Has anyone been through something similar? Did it cause resentment or emotional distance in your relationship? Were you able to rebuild that connection? And how did you deal with the guilt and feeling like you’re not enough?

hi! im having trouble progressing only when im on my back. i tried raising my knees with a pillow and relaxing my legs in different ways but it always feels like i hit a wall, even when theres no burning or discomfort. im only on the second dilator size of the intimate rose and i cant get it half way in.

however, if i lie on my side or squat i cant comfortably get the third size in, with a couple more sessions i think i could get to the fourth. im waiting on a PT appointment in november, should i keep progressing in other positions? or should i not move up sizes if its not working on my back and put more focus there?

i dont want to create a frustrating experience but im not sure what the right approach is!

Il y a quelques mois j'ai rencontré un homme avec qui je suis devenue ami, il nous est arrivé plusieurs fois d'avoir des ''relations sexuelles'' fin seulement les prelis. Je sais qu'il a énormément d'expérience et qu'il est très porté sur le sexe etc...en revanche moi, bien que j'en ai aussi envie, j'ai eu quelques expériences sexuelles mais seulement les prelis donc si un jour on va plus loin (ce qui ne me dérangerai pas) je ferai donc ma première fois avec lui (sachant que j'ai du vaginisme mais que je fais des progres) , je ne suis pas sûre qu'il sache que c'est ma première fois et surtout que j'ai ce genre de problème donc je ne sais pas vraiment si je pourrais lui en parler car notre relation n'est pas si ''forte'' que ça et je n'ai aussi pas vraiment envie de le faire fuir. Mais j'ai juste un peu peur qu'il y ai donc des problèmes de douleur par exemple ou autre et que ça ''foire''. Est ce que je devrais tenter quand même ?

Parce que malgres cette ''peur'' qui est plus de l'appréhension, je l'apprécie énormément, et nous sommes en accord sur beaucoup de chose donc ça serai quelques chose que j'aimerai faire.

Merci à toutes celles qui répondront ^^

sorry it's so long, just got caught up in gushing about it. on mobile so apologies for any formatting errors.

i recently took the plunge and bought a set of dilators as recommended by my physio. i got the femmax set that she recommended.

i was so anxious because previously she and my gyno had suggested i do gentle perineal massages and i was really struggling to do them. it felt intimidating and uncomfortable, i didn't feel like i could get into a comfortable position to even start. but i persisted and kept trying even though it just sort of felt like it hurt.

but the last appointment i had with my physio, she asked if i was doing them and i said yes, and she asked if i could get my thumb inside and i said yes, a little bit. and what i was picturing was that i could get my thumb maybe a cm inside before i hit a painful wall, and i had maybe done the massages about 4 times since i had last saw her? and she asked if i had bought the dilators she recommended and i said "not yet", thinking i was nowhere near that and it was a far-off future. and well, i was feeling really bad that i hadn't done many of the exercises and i was worried that she would take any reluctance as evidence that i wasn't engaging with the physio and she would therefore discharge me, so i put a bit more confidence in my voice to try and assure her i really was giving it a go. and well, i think i did that too well because then she was like "okay, so have a look at those, keep going with putting your thumb in and we'll try and aim for me to be able to do an examination next time, okay?" and i was like "uhhhh sure, i can try!" whilst internally panicking a lil bit.

but i felt bad for sort of accidentally deceiving her, so i bought the dilators before i could talk myself out of it. and then when they arrived, i gave it a go. at first i had the very familiar feeling of just getting generally stuck and this intense burning pain near the entrance but then i took a breath and went in with my thumb to try and explore a bit. and what do you know? i found two things. first, which i think i already knew somewhat but can sometimes forget, i have quite a forward angle, so if i try to insert anything in the angle shown in the pictures, im just jabbing at the back wall. but if i adjust my angle, it's actually quite smooth for something to go in! and secondly, it seems like the source of most of my pain is a little ring of muscle near the entrance that likes to be very tight and doesn't like being stretched, however, if you give it a gentle rub with a thumb before doing anything else, it is actually quite happy to stretch!

i was so certain that the first dilator size would be too big for me (it's about thumb size), but actually, after giving that ring a little massage for even just a few seconds, it went in so smoothly i barely even felt a stretch! and when i gave the second size a go, i felt a stretch but it felt fine - exactly like stretching a muscle right at its limit, a bit uncomfortable but no burning or stinging pain. and what's more, it even felt a bit pleasurable!

in just a moment, dilating and physio has gone from something so so terrifying and unknowable to something i feel so much confidence in. not only did dilating go okay, but now i understand the pain way more than i ever have in my entire life. now, i not only feel comfortable with the idea of an examination, i look forward to telling my physio about this breakthrough and i feel confident that i can tell her "okay, so we will probably need a different angle, and we might need to start by getting that ring of muscle happy, but then you can go ahead and do whatever you need to do". it's such a leap from last time i had an examination, where the gyno could only get about a cm in before i had to tell her to stop because it hurt too much. and it feels so positive because i feel like, even when i lose progress dilating - because there will almost certainly be some setbacks - i have this understanding now, so i won't ever be all the way back to square one.

my vagina is no longer this painful intimidating mystery that id rather ignore and basically pretend doesn't exist. i feel like im connecting with a piece of myself that ive wanted to hate and avoid for so long. im non-binary (he/they) and for a long time i felt like because of that, i was fine just ignoring my vagina and not being bothered that it didn't "work" because i had no attachment to it as a part of my body. and that is still somewhat true, but it is also true that this was a part of my body that i hated and resented and was frustrated with and didn't understand and just caused me nothing but distress, but now it feels like i can truly accept it as part of my body that i love, and now i can love the whole of me. this is such a huge leap. and im just really really proud of myself for buying the dilator set and getting curious and trying things out because that sort of thing is very difficult for me. i have really needed some wins lately and this is just such a wonderful win. wishing the same kind of understanding and all these good feelings on everyone else here <3

i feel like this is something i haven’t seen a lot of people talk about and was wondering if anyone had a similar experience. this is kinda half a vent half a support seeking post so i didn’t know how to tag sorry.

but basically, outer stimulation doesn’t really do it for me. i promise i have tried many different ways (and partners and toys) and like sure it’s not like i feel nothing it’s just… very underwhelming. the orgasms (if i have them) are weak and shitty and barely worth the 20 to 30 minutes of work it takes to get them.

i’ve had friends with similar issues but no vaginismus who said penetration felt 100 times better for them and they orgasmed faster and stronger. my obgyn also said some women just respond better to penetrative stimulation than outer one.

well, as the universe would have it, i have vaginismus. i can do internal penetration (after a lot of time spent on it) but it’s just… the whole process of taking time to take a muscle relaxer, put lidocaine, dilate, attempt to have a weak orgasm etc that can also take forever always turns me off without fail. no matter if i have a partner i find really hot that just turned me on right before i did this, doesn’t matter if they touch me the entire time i do this process, dirty talk, play me porn, anything, i get turned off so by the time we get to the penetration it once again feels underwhelming and i don’t really get turned on again so obviously it doesn’t feel that good. i’m just sitting there frustrated while this poor man attempts to turn me on again by any and all means necessary. i tried to relax, i tried anxiety meds, i tried being drunk, i tried being high, tried every position my body could physically get in and still NOTHING.

i want to have penetrative sex! i get turned on and i feel so sexually frustrated because it feels like i’m just bound to be celibate against my will for the rest of my life. i’m sick of everyone just saying “try something else besides piv” I HAVE CONSTANTLY IT DOESN’T WORK.

please someone tell me they have had a similar experience and managed to fix it 😭😭 i’m hoping my vaginismus gets even easier to manage and somehow my little shit routine gets shorter so i’m not turned off by the time i’m done but until then… yeah i think crying into my pillow and reading smut it is

hi so sorry for breaking the rule, i’m a partner of someone with vaginismus and don’t know where to post something since the partner subreddit seems to have been banned. i’d really like to hear some opinions sooner rather than later but don’t want to post about my questions here since it is not monday. is there a new partner subreddit anyone can recommend?

I was wondering what you guys do once you have a dilator fully inside. I have to glide it in and out to be able to fully push it in, but once the full length is inserted do you have to keep it in there for a certain amount of time without moving it or do you have to keep some sort of motion?

A Human-centered Design Approach for Supporting Self-management of Vulvovaginal and Hypertonic Pelvic Floor Dysfunction. (IRB Protocol #: 1762)

My name is Zainab; I am a PhD candidate studying Human-centered computing at the University of Maryland Baltimore County, advised by Dr. Tera Reynolds. My PhD dissertation focuses on studying women's lived and care-seeking experiences with vulvovaginal and related overactive (or hypertonic) pelvic floor dysfunction to uncover care gaps and opportunities for innovation along Women's care journeys.

I am recruiting up to 15 women willing to talk about their experiences with vaginismus or vulvodynia (any form, including localized or generalized), for a paid research study to explore and co-design solutions and strategies for addressing identified gaps in vulvovaginal and pelvic pain healthcare.

Who Can Participate?

To be eligible for the study, you must be:

1)18 years or older, living in the United States, and speak English

2) Have been formally diagnosed with a vulvovaginal pain condition (e.g., vulvodynia or vaginismus) and/or related overactive (or hypertonic) pelvic muscle dysfunction for at least 3 months, and

3) Receiving  treatments for vulvovaginal pain and/or related overactive pelvic muscle dysfunction from a care provider(s), or

4) Have previously received treatments for vulvovaginal pain and/or related overactive pelvic muscle dysfunction from a care provider(s) and are now fully recovered.

Study Involvement:

The study is taking place virtually and involves multiple re-engagements across two data-collection sessions.

If selected, participants will be compensated for their time and contributions ONLY upon completion of each session, and may be compensated up to a $75 gift card for completing both sessions. However, participating in both sessions is not required.

If you are interested, scan the QR code on the flyer or follow the link to enroll in the study: https://umbc.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bj6IryPpXZr9dOu

If you are interested but still have questions, please contact me at: [zainabb1@umbc.edu](mailto:zainabb1@umbc.edu).

Hi! Recently started the pelvic floor and dilation journey. I have the kiwi and VWELL dilation set but just bought the intimate rose pelvic wand. Any suggestions on how to use and incorporate with dilation routine?

Also, I know timeline shouldn’t be the main focus but it’s so hard not to feel hopeless. Was anyone able to have comfortable PIV with less than a year of consistent treatment? Currently doing pelvic floor therapy starting weekly soon, EMDR, and dilation / breathing/ kiwi at home. Recently just got married- have a very supportive husband but really hoping it will not take a year to achieve PIV. For context , my baseline right now is I can withstand ultra size tampons, size 2 from the VWELL with about 2 weeks of dilation, transvaginal ultra sound probe (but with pain for that one).

Thank you so much and sending hope and love to anyone else on this journey!

I recently found out I am pregnant. I have mild to moderate vaginismus but can tolerate PIV to some extent. We have actually been TTC for two years and was about to go to assisted. Which freaked me out so much because I cannot do internal examinations. (But I am able to TVS) We moved abroad 2 months ago and found out I was pregnant and we are over the moon. But I am absolutely terrified of giving birth.

I have ready many posts here from people who have given birth naturally. I have never gotten the chance to try dilators or PT exercises because these are not available in my home country. I went to a physiotherapy session once but the doctor just explained breathing techniques and sent me home. Told me reverse kegels is not a thing

Anyways. Now that I am pregnant I want to prepare myself as much I can for natural birth. Should I try to see a PT or are there videos available on YouTube that can help? I am not sure about online videos because my pelvic floor is already very tight and I might accidentally do exercises that tighten the pelvic floor.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

Hi everyone!
I had a hymenectomy two weeks ago because I had a microperforate hymen, which made penetration impossible . So far, my recovery has been going pretty well! The pain has gone away, and I only feel a little discomfort from time to time.
I haven’t tried inserting anything yet because I want to wait a full month to give everything enough time to heal properly.
I was wondering if anyone else had a microperforate hymen and had a hymenectomy. What was your experience with sex afterward? Was penetration easier? Did you experience any pain or discomfort at first?
I’m a little nervous about it and would really appreciate hearing your experiences! ❤️

Helloo,

so I decided to write my Story and hope for a new Idea or someone who experienced something similar. Cause I have no idea anymore and feel so sad.

With 15 and 16 Years I had sex without any problems. 11 Years ago I had a lot bladder infections, candida, vulvitis etc , the more antibiotics I had, the worse it got. After 2 years of antibiotics my tongue was dark brown and I stopped taking what doctors gave me. I tryed a lot of things to fix my immunesystem. But vaginal pain stayed. I had pain all over, stinging, itching. Today it is already much better. I never have bladder infections anymore, the tingeling feelings all the time are gone.

Still I have very thight pelvic muscels. I have intern pelvic floor osteopathy for 2 years. So Iam able to insert a finger, working with dilators and last years I was able to insert a penis 3 times. But it is so unsteady. For month now it hurts to insert 2 Fingers, even one isn always pleasurable - sometimes hurting.

My skin is quite sensitive, sometimes I get little fissures just throw petting. I have to much prolaktin and less testosterone, I got a cream but it didnt helped.

I have also sibo, Iam currently in treatment for that.

Iam a yogateacher, so I am able to relax and I stretch regulary. Right now I also try to bild some muscles in my belly, as I have a deficite there. I also have pelvic tilt because of that.

Do you have any Idea what else could cause my condition oder what I could do? Every doctor tells me dillator and stretches....so I feel really hopeless right now.

I’m 23 years old and my husband is 30. I believe I may be struggling with vaginismus, and it’s been weighing on me pretty heavily. I’ve been crying about it for days, and it’s hard not to feel alone and discouraged.

We are both virgins who waited until marriage to have sex, and now that I’m married, I’m struggling with something I never expected. Trying to have intercourse is painful, and my husband hasn’t been able to penetrate me at all. The entire area also feels extremely sensitive, to the point where even being touched down there can be uncomfortable.

Any type of vaginal penetration just scares me. I’ve never used a tampon or had a Pap smear, so I’ve quite literally never had anything inserted vaginally before. I’ve been hearing about pelvic floor therapy and am wondering if any of you have tried it. If so, did it help you? If you haven’t tried it, are there any other things that have helped you?

I would also really appreciate any encouragement or advice. This has been causing me a lot of emotional pain, and I’ve been feeling so discouraged lately. It’s hard when something you’ve looked forward to experiencing in marriage becomes a source of stress and sadness instead. I know I’m not alone in this, but it can certainly feel that way sometimes. ❤️

As soon as I manage something like inserting a dilator without pain I'm half convinced I never had vaginismsus in the first place even though I Know that if I moved up a size right then it would hurt again 😭 Like vaginismus imposter syndrome lol

I have been with my bf for 2 years. A year ago I found out I had vaginismus, was upset frustrated and bought dilators but only trialed them once or twice. Did a few other things which didn’t help as I was just so frustrated that I had it. I was inconsistent with it all. Anyways a year later I now want it over with. I am being consistent, I have tried using the smallest dilator and have had 3 sessions with myself so far. I can only go 2inches in and then there’s the wall again. I use a lot of lube, do breathing exercises as well a pelvic muscle release. Does it get better? I’m trying to think as positively as I can but seeing that it’s going in 2 inches then just stops as there’s a stinging feeling makes me so sad. Any advice or motivation would be appreciated.

Context: a TikTok post addressing a woman who went viral for talking down on pad users.

A commenter said: “some of our coochies are too tight”—an oversimplification yes, but arguably a lighthearted way to refer to vaginismus, hypertonic pelvic floor, microperforated hymen, or ANY reason why the thing just WON’T go in there without severe pain or discomfort.

Another comment, in reply to her, “this isn’t a thing, stop pandering to men.”

I thought this was so ironic for her to make that claim when in reality SHE is the one pandering to men for assuming all cis women and trans men can tolerate penetration. Newsflash: we cannot!!!

Sorry, this really peeved me off, so I had to come here.

I need to get off the internet for today, lol.

Edited to correct heteronormativity

Hi girls! I’m getting Botox for my vaginismus next Tuesday, and I honestly can’t explain how excited and hopeful I feel right now.

For the longest time, I felt so discouraged about my condition. Every time my partner and I attempted penetrative sex and it didn’t work, I would lose a little more hope. It got to a point where I genuinely started questioning whether I’d ever be able to experience sex comfortably.

The pressure and ultimatums surrounding intimacy in my relationship also made everything so much more stressful. Instead of feeling relaxed and excited about sex, I started associating it with anxiety, disappointment, and the fear of failing again.
Today, I finally had my first gynecological examination. It was honestly quite overwhelming, painful at times, and emotionally exhausting because I felt so vulnerable. But my doctor reassured me that my vaginismus isn’t as severe as I’d feared and that most of my discomfort is concentrated around the entrance.

We’ve scheduled my Botox injections for Tuesday, followed by consistent dilator therapy to help my body gradually become comfortable with penetration.
For the first time in a very long time, I’m genuinely looking forward to treatment instead of feeling defeated by my condition. 🥹

I’m trying not to put too much pressure on myself or turn recovery into another deadline. I just feel so happy that I’m finally taking this step.

I’d absolutely love to hear from anyone who’s had Botox for vaginismus! How was your experience? How soon did you notice a difference? Did dilating become easier afterward? And how long did it take before you felt comfortable attempting penetration?
I’d especially love to hear some positive experiences and success stories. I could really use that encouragement right now. 💕

32F and still never had full on penetrative sex. Went to the doctor today and she ruled out anatomical issues. Speculum was uncomfortable but it fit just fine. She suggested it was vaginismus and that I really just need to focus more on arousal and relaxing because I get so anxious (my legs were literally shaking in the stirrups!). Probably because every sexual encounter I’ve ever had has been pretty negative as well, so I think that adds to my anxiety. Anyway, I asked her about dilators and she said it’s probably not necessary since a speculum fits and everything looks good, but pelvic floor PT and psychotherapy could be beneficial. She really just stressed relaxation. Would love to get y’all’s take on this though. How do you get over the mental block? Even when I breathe deeply and try to relax I feel like there’s a wall down there. :/

I remember the first time I successfully did it with a guy, after some foreplay, he kept trying to insert but just couldn't. We had to keep taking breaks and pausing because even him attempting to insert was too painful. Eventually he was able to get the tip in and that was it. He asked if he could go deeper and I was like "You can try" because I genuinely didnt think it'd be able to happen, by this point I was already feeling super discouraged about the whole thing, especially because I really liked this guy. And then, out of nowhere, the whole experience transitioned from "Ugh this isnt working at all and is uncomfortable" to "Damn, this actually feels pretty good!!" It started feeling sooo good out of nowhere, and there was one moment during the whole thing where in my brain I kinda took a step back (figuratively obviously 😭) and just thought "Wait... I'm doing it... I'm actually having sex right now!" It was such a strange and kinda funny feeling lol! It's weird but it felt so triumphant in a way, especially after we were finished; I guess after alwayssss hearing what feels like everybody around me talk about having some sort of sex life in some way, it felt like I was finally, like, one of "the people" who also had a sex life yk? 🤣 It's hard to explain, but it can definitely be an isolating feeling especially in such a sex-obsessed society where you see it everywhere in real life and in media. Just wondering if anybody else who had successful PIV felt this way for the first time!