Hi there! I'm the husband of a wonderful woman with vaginismus. We abstained from sex leading up to marriage, and she was kind enough to give me a heads up that sex might not look traditional for us. Now we're married for a year, and outer course is all we've been able to achieve.

Some days, I feel like I could live the rest of my life like this. Other days, I just want to go inside of her really badly. She is working at it, but she explained her feelings this way: imagine I came up to you, and said "let me stick this IV needle in your arm. It'll be romantic and sexy!" (I hate needles) That's how she feels about me going inside.

I also fantasize about hearing her tell me "I'm pregnant". I want to experience that! And I want to see her gorgeous body carry our baby. However, I believe her fear of pregnancy is a huge part of her vaginismus. I think her deeper fear is having a baby who's non verbal autistic (we have 1 in the family) because she couldn't imagine potentially having a child whom she couldn't relate to no matter how much she tries. I understand compromise, and I know we could adopt, but deep down I've always wanted to experience a pregnancy that was ours.

Anyways, God is good, and he is the one who gives children, and opens the womb. I trust his plan even if we don't achieve PIV.

“ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 ESV

https://bible.com/bible/59/pro.31.30.ESV

A quick poll - what brings you here? Primary vaginismus, secondary vaginismus, or some other issue altogether? Please participate and, if you wish, further elaborate on your circumstances in the comments.

The article is so-so but has several drawn images of have nonpenetrative sex in this manner. Useful if you need to expand your sexual repertoire and don’t want to view porn of it.

Thank you to those who responded to me before.

What if part of why I cant penetrate her is cause I have ed? Or go soft easily? Idk if thats normal or no. Lacking exp?

Like if say another guy were to do her that has much more exp and no ed eg, would it have been easier?

Is it normal for the guy, when he want to penetrate the woman with vaginismus, to be difficult? I dont have much exp with sex.

Before birth difficult, most of the time we have sex we stopped because i got soft from failing to put it in. But istg im like rock hard2 but cant push? Hurt at the entrance for her when he had sex. Finger hurt too.

After birth n so, i can finger her with one finger and she loves it. Havent tried 2. But we tried penetrative and its still difficult to put it in.

Hello! I’m looking for comoderators who could help grow this board and keep it a safe and vibrant place for discussion of those in a relationship with someone with this condition. Please let me know via private message if you can take on this role.

Do you Guys watch Porn because piv sex is impossible? What does she think about that?

Hi, there’s a couple of forums we’ve found helpful that deal with non-penetrative intimacy, for those seeking ideas or support. Do you know of any others? If so please comment below.

r/outercourse and r/outercourseplus : These forums have short gifs of couples doing outercourse in just about every way and form non penetrative sex can take place. Great if you’re looking for ideas. Avoid if you don’t want to see videos of people doing it.

r/pussyfreecommunity ; This forum is text-based only and strictly moderated for couples who don’t partake in penetrative sex. Great for the discussion and enthusiasm towards this form of intimacy. Downside is the forum is very focused on those doing this for kink reasons so if you aren’t into kink you may want to avoid.

Any others?

Good evening. I apologize for posting here, but I was under the impression that this was permitted on Mondays. To put it simply, I am the partner of a young woman who may be suffering from vaginismus. I was hoping for some advice on how I can help her, or how I should approach things if we were to have sexual intercourse. Additionally, she goes through periods where she feels a certain aversion toward men (experiencing nausea, stomach aches, and headaches at times when she receives love or affection from a male partner during these phases). Could the two issues be linked? I would also appreciate any advice on how I should behave and how to reassure her during those moments. Thank you in advance, and I wish all the women reading this—as well as their partners—all the best.

I see that there is new subreddit page for our community. The old one vanished some time ago but it's also an opportunity to tell you my and and my wife story.

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We were virgins until our marriage last September. It was really hard for us to not to sleep with each other but we manage to do that.

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We planned our first time to be on Tuesday(wedding was on Saturday) because we wanted to be well rested. We went on a date, take a shower together, she put on nice lingerie and I took care of the atmosphere(candles, music etc).

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To our surprise it was impossible to do anything. Even slight touch on the outer parts of her was causing a lot of pain. We went on our honeymoon trip and tried there a few times but no position seems to work.

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We scheduled a first visit to gynecologist and she suggested that we should drink a little wine and it will be fine(she also assured that my wife is build properly and it just a stress).

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Next three months passed with no effect. It was really stressful for me and my wife. We made ourself comfortable with our naked bodies, we learnt much about pleasuring each other but still penetration was impossible(I was feeling like I'm hitting a wall at the entrance) and it was still unbelievably painful for her.

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I must admit that it was really stressful for both of us. We had different expectations and we didn't know what to do so we read a lot about vaginismus.

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I tried to encourage her to visit another gynecologist. After a few weeks she finally agreed. We met amazing doctor who:

1) prescribe anti-anxiety medicine

2) suggest meeting urogynecological physiotherapist for pelvic floor muscles

3) suggest sexual therapy

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So we did all three. And it helped a lot. It became more pleasurable, less painful. Still penetration was impossible. I also noticed that my wife became more open for different sexual experiences and I must admit it was also great experience for me.

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Finally after a month of taking medicine doctor told us to take full dose(before it was half) of the medicine daily. The only downside of the medicine is that it makes it harder to make my wife orgasm but it's not impossible.

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Fast forward to last Thursday(236 days after wedding). We were kissing and having fun with each other. We haven't planned to try anything but we were laying on our sides hugging closely and it just went in. We were shocked but we managed to finish it inside her without pain(the strange thing is if we are laying on the other side it's still impossible). It's the only one position it is possible right now but we are full of hopes for what is coming.

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After all I want to say it is really hard to be patient. I understand pain of not being able to do anything(because we can't, it out partners that needs to take medicine, do exercises and more) but we can be calm, supportive and patient. Don't stop believing it possible. Good luck to all of you.

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Welcome to all, including members or the previous vaginismuspartners forum. I’m hoping to get a lively, robust discussion going here and welcome both partners and those with vaginismus.