Hey, I’ve tried to say this multiple times and I’m just going to type some things and get them out there. I’ve had these thoughts for a long time around teen years and tried to shut them out, in my mind I was supposed to be male but I freaked out cause I knew deep down I didn’t want a male body.
I feel like my masculine features came a bit later and before I thought it wasn’t a big deal I was fine being a boy but then those features came in and oh no. I don’t think it’s me, I don’t hate being a boy but the image of being a girl gives me no grief. Aging as a man seems weird, a little wrong. However, wanting to be in a female body just seems to resonate with me in way I can’t describe.
I’m just really scared this is a big big thing to come to terms with, and I feel like I push it down and feel like I’m fine during the day when with people, but at night the feelings always creep back up. I get obsessed with what it would be like to be her. I’m so jealous of women where they got to live as women their whole lives but I see a beautiful woman and get a little sad I can’t look like her, as if I’m missing out on the greatest thing ever.
I also have to come to terms that cis men don’t have these thoughts and I’m most likely a her. I have a serious choice to make.