For those who haven't followed my previous posts, I'm a recovering compulsive gambler who was arrested in March 2024 for stealing from my former employer to fund my gambling addiction. What started as relatively small sports bets eventually spiraled into millions of dollars in gambling losses, financial devastation, and criminal charges. I've spent the last two and a half years trying to rebuild my life, restore my family, and take responsibility for the damage I caused. I've also had the incredible opportunity to work for a gambling helpline, helping hundreds of people who are struggling with the same addiction that nearly destroyed my life.

Tomorrow, October 16, I will stand before a judge for sentencing.

The State's last plea offer was eight years in prison, which I declined. Tomorrow will be open sentencing, meaning the judge will determine my sentence after considering the facts of the case and the mitigating evidence we've presented. My former employer has expressed that they would prefer restitution over incarceration, and we have extensive medical evidence regarding the role my prescribed Adderall played in the escalation of my gambling addiction. There are reasons to be hopeful, but there are also reasons to be terrified.

I'm praying that I'll be able to come back here tomorrow and tell everyone that I received a non-incarceratory sentence. The fact that I'm sitting here, more than two and a half years after my arrest, still at home with my wife and two boys, is something I don't take for granted. I believe God has been faithful to me throughout this entire process, even when I haven't understood what He was doing.

I don't want to spend too much time recapping everything. There are just a few things I want to say to this community in case I don't have the opportunity to post again for a while.

First, thank you.

The support I've received from people here has meant more than I can adequately express. When you're living with the consequences of something as destructive as gambling addiction, you desperately want to believe that something positive can still come from the misery you've created. You want your experience to mean something beyond the people you've hurt and the things you've lost.

Gambling addiction is incredibly isolating, but recovery can be lonely too. There are plenty of people who hear the word addiction and immediately dismiss you as a degenerate who deserves whatever happens to you. And while I fully accept responsibility for my actions, there is something incredibly meaningful about finding people who understand the grip this addiction can have on a person without pretending that the consequences don't matter. The messages, encouragement, and prayers I've received here have been a blessing to me.

For anyone who is still struggling with gambling or trying to find sustained recovery, there are three things I'd really like to leave you with.

First, don't neglect the spiritual side of recovery.

My recovery has been rooted in my faith in Jesus Christ. I know not everyone here shares that faith, and I'm not suggesting that everyone's recovery has to look exactly like mine. But if you're attending GA, I would encourage you not to dismiss the emphasis on a higher power, surrender, and spiritual growth found in Steps 2, 3, and 11.

For me, that meant seeking Christ and intentionally replacing the time I once spent gambling with time reading my Bible and praying. Those moments throughout the day when I would have been checking scores, placing bets, or figuring out how to get more money became opportunities to turn my attention toward God. I believe He has been faithful to me in ways I never could have imagined when I was arrested.

Second, find your community.

This might be difficult at first, but please don't give up on it. Not every GA meeting is the same. Not every church is the same. Sometimes you have to keep looking before you find people you can genuinely connect with.

The people surrounding you in recovery may look very different from the people who surrounded you during your addiction. Some friends and family will remain by your side, and others may not. But if gambling has driven you into isolation, you have to begin taking steps out of it.

Addiction thrives in secrecy. It convinces you to hide your behavior, your losses, your shame, and eventually yourself. Bringing those things into the light is uncomfortable, but it begins to strip away the power that secrecy has over you. Find people who will love you, challenge you, hold you accountable, and walk alongside you when things are difficult.

Lastly, stop believing the lies gambling tells you.

Yesterday, I came across Jeremiah 2:13 again. God describes His people as having forsaken Him, the fountain of living waters, and having dug cisterns for themselves—broken cisterns that can hold no water.

I cannot think of a better picture of gambling addiction.

Gambling demands that you keep pouring more into it while promising that eventually it's going to hold something for you. More money. More time. More opportunities. One more deposit. One more bet. One more chance to get everything back.

But the cistern is broken.

No matter how much you pour into it, it will never hold what you're looking for. And somehow, even when we can see the damage it's causing, we convince ourselves that continuing to pour into it is the only way out.

Gambling will never solve the problems that gambling created.

I wish I had understood that before I lost my career, betrayed the trust of people who cared about me, and put my wife and children in a position where they now have to wonder whether I'll be coming home tomorrow.

I can't undo those things. I can only continue taking responsibility for them and pray that sharing my experience might help someone else stop before reaching the point I did.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my posts over the last couple of years, whether you've commented, sent me a message, offered advice, challenged me, or simply kept my family in your thoughts. You have helped me more than you know.

If you're inclined to pray, I could especially use those prayers today and tomorrow. Not just for me, but for my wife and our two boys, who have already endured more because of my actions than they ever should have had to.

I sincerely hope I'll be back here soon with a positive update. But whatever happens tomorrow, I am grateful for the recovery I've been given and for the people God has placed in my life along the way.

Before sentencing, I also had the opportunity to record a couple of podcasts where I shared my story in much greater detail. If you're interested in watching, here they are:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7MCxhE83Ng

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXx5rnZY8dc

Thank you all. God bless you, and please don't give up on your recovery.

I see so many young people here and wanted to give some perspective. I placed my last bet in 2018 at age 48. I had been gambling for 20 years. I would have periods of stability and then create major crises by gambling, dropping an atom bomb on myself and those around me.

I lost a marriage, cars, was evicted and could barely feed myself while making six figures. I was bailed out multiple times and ruined important relationships by not paying the money back. I was super sick, I would gamble to my last dollar. I stole soup from a co-workers desk at one point because I didn't have a dollar for food. I walked 10 miles from a casino one night because I couldn't afford a cab. That was some walk, let me tell you.

I placed my last bet in a binge in 2018 but had really stopped gambling heavily a few years prior. I estimate I lost mid 6 figures.

I am happy now, a good provider with a family and I have money for bills and things I want. If I can stop you can.

My main point here though is that if I had quit in my 20s or even 30s I would have been so much better off. Your life is not over. Money can be made, debt can be dealt with. The harder part is dealing with the shame you feel for what gambling made you, but you can deal with this too.

Stop gambling and you may have some immediate pain to deal with but it gets better more quickly than you imagined. Gamblers like us are resourceful and have dealt with more stress than many. We think we're weak but we are actually strong and when you take the energy you were putting into gambling and finding money to gamble into work and legitimate things you will find you can make money and you can live a happy and fulfilling life without the constant stress and letting people (including yourself) down.

Stop gambling, the money is gone, the house indeed always wins when you cross the line into compulsive gambling. Be gentle with yourself. Stop obsessing over losses. You can beat it, I believe in you.

I check in here from time to time, not much because I try not to think about gambling because it puts me in a depressed mood alot of times. Recently I noticed I dont really have gambling urges anymore except random thoughts of "what if I put a bet on this game I knew they would win" when im watching sports but thats not really an urge is it? Aslong as I dont act upon it. I do hate that my mind still creates mental bets like that I hope that will go away too. Anyway stay strong guys, I was degen as fuck in the crypto casinos unable to quit now im day 281, its possible.

The 100-day milestone is near. I know it 's just a number but holy shit time fly fast. I look back the first few days after relapse and remember how desperate I was. I appreciate my efforts and commitment to this way of line. My life now is in a much better state than It was before.

I had relapses before, but the last time was different. Maybe because this time I realize my role as a father. I took writing journal and tracking my progress seriously, unlike those times before. Writing journal is like doing a conversation with myself, keeping me focus of key important things in my life. It helps me increasing self-awareness, and avoid at least 2 relapses in the last 85 days.

I will not gamble today!

as the title says...wow...a brutal week....I need to get help for problem gambling in the stock market. It's just I have such a hard time of letting go.

I started putting new money this year in municipal bonds and treasury bonds rather than stocks. That gives me some peace. But I still am upset and angry each day at all the money I have lost in stocks.

Im 23 and I have a history of degenerate gambling when I have the money. Ive lost probably 50k in the last 3 years. I sold everything and pretty much live in my van now traveling the country. I dont have a gambling issue until I allow myself to gamble and im noticing some weird patterns now. Me and my friends figured out that if you go onto all the online casinos and sign up they have a bonus where they double what you put in basically. Given slots are like 96% rtp this turns out to be profitable. So now I can make like a solid 200 a day just running online slots if all goes well and its my main source of income. However im noticing its not enough. Im not used to going to sleep up money and somehow I cant sleep. I also keep thinking about trying new drugs for some reason. Im worried that this might be the start of a path downhill. Last week I went to Vegas and did blow for the first time in 2 years and now im craving it. Plus constantly spinning slots all day is messing with my reward system.

I’m a 17 year old gambling addict and it makes me wanna fucking die. I started playing poker with my friends, then moved on to playing poker online, now I fall into the trap of blackjack often. This has been going on since maybe 15. I’ve lost over 8 grand overall and I get that’s not a lot but it’s a lot for me I guess. I work tirelessly and can’t build savings, the only solution I’ve found is buying sports cards so I can have all my money tied up in something that I don’t have easy access to. I know that at some point in life Ill probably be able to look back on my losses and see it as not that life altering, but if I keep going down this road I don’t know if I’ll ever get rid of the habit. I’m very prone to addiction, anything high dopamine gets me going. I was clean for almost a year and then kept having small relapses, but it’s been getting worse again recently. I lost most of my money last year, probably 6 6.5 grand, so it’s gotten a little better, but another coping mechanism I’ve had is pretty frivolous spending so it hasn’t translated to much of savings at all. My dad cannot know or he’d kill me, but he thinks I have almost 10 thousand saved up and soon I’m gonna have to move away and I have nothing. It feels like this is never gonna go away, and it’s the only thing that’s had me close to suicide as of late, I’ve gotten a lot better mentally but I just don’t know how to get rid of this vice. Please help me.

I've been gambling since I was 24, and I'm 29 now. I mostly bet on sports, but lately I've been trading on crypto prediction markets, the 15-minute and 1-hour ones. I've lost over $200k over the years. I usually stop for a couple of months when I'm deep in the red, and then I go back and dig my hole even deeper.

While I was trying to rebuild my life and my credit, I got married and had a son. Then I took out a $25k loan at 29% APR to gamble, and I lost nearly all of it in a week. 🥹

I'm having suicidal thoughts and I'm depressed. My wife, my family, and my friends respect me so much because they don't know this dark side of me. I just self-banned from all these platforms.
I hate this so much. I could be in a much better situation if I hadn't fallen into this. What I hate most is the feeling that gambling is the only way to get ahead in life. It makes me feel so incapable
.
I decided to vent here, and I hope this is my first and last post where I cry about my wrongdoings. I want to rebuild my life far from this evil addiction.

Any advice is 🙏🏾 appreciated

How did you all go about quitting? My luck is horrible and I've just been chasing, so much so that it's become a problem. I don't have any money left for a therapist. Are there any free counseling sessions? Any advice would be appreciated

Today officially makes the two week point since I have uninstalled all gambling apps off my phone and have been clean since. The first week was really easy and I felt amazing, however the past few days I’ve been having temptations, out of boredom, FOMO, etc. My friends who aren’t gambling addicts keep sending me photos of their slips, and I just kinda awkwardly look at it, I keep telling myself “well i can just play with a little bit” or “I can just play with this and if I lose it I won’t care” but that’s not the person I am and I can’t control myself when I do that. I feel great that I’ve been making progress though, whenever I get the urge to even put any amount of money in a app, I just immediately think about how bad of a mindset / position I was in 2 weeks ago, and how I never wanna feel like that again. The surroundings in my life make this more difficult. Will post an update next week!

I sit down after a long day of thinking about gambling and think of the road in front of me. This isn't just about quitting gambling anymore- its about becoming a better man. A man that is worthy of a good life and although the 6 figure number ive lost at only 23 seems drowning, I sit back and think about the sleepless nights, the lies, and the regret. More importantly, beyond the money, I have lost myself and what I stand for. Broken promises to myself due to this addiction and after 6 years of fighting, I'm ready to grow apart from it. Ultimately, you guys can probably understand that this addiction leads to other bad habits and for me, I've grown so apart of the person I used to be but he's still in there. So day by day I will fight to get it back and there is no limit. Very hopeful rn if you guys can't tell lol. But to me 1 day is a lot and it was all I needed to realize that I can really do this. The battle in front of me is large but I can do it. Thanks for the read and more updates to come as I continue the battle.

As title reads. I’ve had a gambling addiction for a year now mainly online crypto casinos. I gambled away thousands over the course and just this week I gambled 1.5k-3.5k. Today I lost everything by chasing a $300 loss. I currently have 4k to my name when looking back I used to have 13k. I’m lost in life and I constantly daydream about su1c1d3 regardless from gambling or not as I’m diagnosed MDD. This incident has not only made me recognise who I am even more but caused me to try to h/ng myself but I’m such a fucking pussy to go on with it. I’m lonely, drifted my friends off, don’t go out at all, only work and go home then sit at home on my off-days. I’m making this post not for sympathy as I do not want it at all but I want other people who were in my position to grasp at it. I love my cat and he’s been there for me my whole life and I know spiritually he is also ashamed of this. My parents have never known anything about my addiction and now it’s too late.

I didn’t place a bet in approximatively 2 months and while I don’t consider myself recovered, because I’m expecting the urge to come back at any time, I feel like what helped me was that my last sessions were only losing streaks after losing streaks. At some point even tho I still had money in my account, I was like “fck this, it’s starting to be boring” because I know that we get addicted for different reasons, but I think for me was the winning (only became addict after winning some huge amounts).

Anybody else had this experience? I didn’t expect to be bored of gambling, ever.

So recently I wanted a big sum of money, which I sadly couldn’t enjoy for myself because my engine and radiator exploded right after, costing me about what I wanted. However, I started gambling because I knew I had extra money and went down -4.0k that I had left over; now I’m left with less than 1k in my bank which is basically broke for me. I broke another streak trying not to gamble sick place I put myself in I can’t even win without me messing it up with no self-control. After I fix all this, I'll have to wait until the end of October again to get paid and I’m just stressed and struggling to the max.

Today is payday and it always the hardest day, everyone asking for his money and ofc my brain wants to gamble to pay the debts.
Today i will use the money directly to debt but my heart really hurts seeing that money could be mine and use them for something useful instead of paying my mistakes.
Any advice or motivation will be good!

Guys I don’t know why but when I watch podcasts about gambling and how bad it actually is , I always relapse . For me gambling means all or nothing. This year I’m extremely unlucky , my account always hits zero , I don’t have loans or borrowed money . Today I lost my last 200€ on my account , borrowed 50€ from my dad lost that too . But I have peace of mind unlike other times .Right now I have an urge to push some high stakes rulette , which I’m not familiar playing like this crazy , but something inside me wants to take some family savings and play some extremely high stake rulette . My father has an account with 30k and I know he has 10k cash in a hide place . Till this day my parents know that i play some gambling , but they don’t know if I lose much or no . I always mask it , like living like I’m in the verge of bankruptcy ( I eat yogurts that are due , I eat 3 breads of toast , and i take the bus for transportation and I have I car -> no money for gas ) . The crazy staff is that I’m familiar with it . I spend some money to myself but the most I spend to gambling . I chill with my fiends in parks like I’m a fkn teenager . No girlfriend . Nice life lol . The only good thing that I’m never willing to be in debt and get loan .(BUT IF I HAD THE FAMILY SAVINGS, I would lose all of them , that fkn scares me ). . I’m 28 and I live like a teenager , it’s not that if I didn’t gamble right now , I would be in a better place . My income is extremely low , that’s why I need to gamble ( irony is it’s get even lower with some ups and then to zero ) . Maybe I do it because I can always eat here in my family house , I don’t know . I just wanted to say some stuff about my life , does anyone relate ? Thanks for reading . May god bless us with accepting things we can’t control and be more ok with ourselves , because I believe gambling start with unsolved trauma and after becomes an addiction .

I really can’t stop, i don’t know why i keep doing this to myself. I probably lost over 80k while being an international student with a lot of cost to pay. i know im ruining my life but the only way out i could see for me to stop is placing a big parlay to win atleast half of it and stop right away by banning everything using gamban

It’s been one week since I quit online casinos, and I’m so happy that they haven’t stolen a single peso from me. I hope I can keep this going and never get triggered to gamble again. 🙏🏻❤️

It's the day before payday, the first time in about a month that I will have disposable income, and the idiot has plans.

Now, I know my casino thing is a dead-end. Even the idiot acknowledges that casino money is gone money; for me its about the comfort and excitement. It's spending money to live out a feeling. And, of course, sanding down the withdrawals but that's standard I think.

The normal me knows it's a bum deal, a waste of money, in the past I've put bills on credit so I could consider more income "disposable" and resolving that nightmare took much outside help. But the idiot thinks it'll be different this time. He thinks like, 'I know what I've got reserved and I won't let it happen again.' He thought that last time, too.

Today, I found myself having a shower debate with the idiot, which is almost a good sign because it means that normal me is still in the driver's seat. At some point I realized that I was physically leaning in a different direction for each "side," which reminded me humorously of the Gollum vs Smeagol scenes in LOTR.

What usually happens is, normal me wins the debate but the idiot ends up behind the wheel anyway. The idiot is still me and I want to make that clear, the personality is the same but this mf has something like 30 less IQ. The roles reverse; normal me is in there shaking his head while the idiot throws my money into a hole for like 2-3 hours of fun. I know the psychology. I know the tactic. The idiot knows, too, he just doesn't care.

Is this a fairly normal experience with compulsive gambling, is this a normal experience AND a profoundly unhealthy coping mechanism, or is this mostly just a me thing?

I will not gamble today.

Hi all, last year in my recovery I created a Telegram group open to anyone just looking to talk out the process and how our lives have been affected by gambling.

If you’re interested in chatting or joining the conversation you can find it here:

https://linktr.ee/gamblingsupport

I have significant debt I am paying for every day of my life, at least for a couple more years. It’s hard to quantify, but I’ve probably lost close to 500k in total. It started with stocks, then crypto and NFTs, and then online gambling.

What this has taught me is that gambling affects all socioeconomic groups and we are all in the same boat. No one is better than anyone else. We all want help and we all want relief from this.

Message me also if you are struggling. Always willing to talk about it with anyone.

Take care of yourselves and know that you are not alone!

Have struggled with sobriety for a while but am back in therapy, and have recently been doing good imo. As a problem gambler for over 6 years I know that 17 days is not nearly enough and today I am really struggling.

My money goes to my mother and she oversees it, but I got a 3x paycheck today and the anticipation is overwhelming at this point. Thinking to myself “no one would notice” and been going back and forth all day. It’s brutal.

I have been soooo good at paying my bills and debt over the last year, but anytime I get “excess” money over the number I know I have to keep to pay bills I start getting crazy.

Just got out of a meeting with my counselor but just looking for more support.

I am determined to get to 30 days this time and just looking for some support.

This might help those who watch it.

These markets are based on bringing in more and more fish to feed the sharks. Spread the word and tell every one you know not to become a fish...

https://youtu.be/CTUqmUHvd2Y?si=6G-pwIsiau1Ef2mn